Wrong ways to die
Plain and Simple Cronan
Someone wrote:
> >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to
> >die.
I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
- In leather underwear strapped to a heart shapped bed in the Vatican
- Having sex with Clinton... any Clinton
- Having your testicles lopped off by a poisonous snake
- Being killed by a toothpick
- Slitting your throat with an electric
- Dying of thirst beside a fresh wet lake.
- Vaccuum cleaner.[you figure it out]
- Choking on ugly kittens
- In the midst of surgery to correct your impotence
- Being beaten to death by para/quadrapalegic midgets
P&SC
There are more but I seem to have forgotten them..
Bo
Plain and Simple Cronan wrote:
>
> Someone wrote:
> > >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to
> > >die.
>
> I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
> There are more but I seem to have forgotten them..
Like coming home from a long brutal war and slipping in the shower.
Like shoving a man out of the way of a fast moving truck only to
realize, as the truck slams into you, that the guy you saved was the one
sleeping with your wife.
Like in the electric chair beside a phone that one of the guards is
using to dial a 1-900 number with as the governor tries to call to
pardon you.
Like from food poisioning that you got when you had oral sex with both
Sal and Ella the night you got so drunk you thought the henhouse was a
bar.
Like freezing to death in the mountains with a Bic lighter in your hands
that you couldn't figure out how to work because of the child proofing.
Like committing suicide because of financial trouble just seconds before
Ed McMan shows up at your door.
Michael Straight
On Sat, 3 Jan 1998, Bo wrote:
> Plain and Simple Cronan wrote:
> >
> > Someone wrote:
> > > >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to
> > > >die.
> >
> > I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
> > ...
> > There are more but I seem to have forgotten them..
> Like shoving a man out of the way of a fast moving truck only to
> realize, as the truck slams into you, that the guy you saved was the one
> sleeping with your wife.
Like ten-thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
> Like in the electric chair beside a phone that one of the guards is
> using to dial a 1-900 number with as the governor tries to call to
> pardon you.
Like a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break.
> Like freezing to death in the mountains with a Bic lighter in your hands
> that you couldn't figure out how to work because of the child proofing.
Like rain on your wedding day.
> Like committing suicide because of financial trouble just seconds before
> Ed McMan shows up at your door.
Like good advice that you just can't take.
Who would've thought it figured?
SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT
Anthony DeMarco
Plain and Simple Cronan wrote:
>
> Someone wrote:
> > >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to
> > >die.
>
> I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
>
> - Having sex with Clinton... any Clinton
> - Having your testicles lopped off by a poisonous snake
> - Being killed by a toothpick
> - Slitting your throat with an electric
> - Dying of thirst beside a fresh wet lake.
> - Vaccuum cleaner.[you figure it out]
> - Choking on ugly kittens
> - In the midst of surgery to correct your impotence
> - Being beaten to death by para/quadrapalegic midgets
>
> P&SC
How about swallowing a lightbulb filled with cyanide gas then punching
yourself in the gut until it bursts?
--
Please remove the ~ from my email address before replying.
"God?!? ... There is no God! Your insanely disappointing report scared
him away!"
Elvis
> Plain and Simple Cronan wrote:
> >
> > Someone wrote:
> > > >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to
> > > >die.
> >
> > I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
I always thought skiing head first into a tree was a pretty stupid way to
die.
__o
_`\<,_ --- Dave
Thangyuh. Thangyuh vurry mudge. . . . (*)/ (*)
Bermuda likes my sig!!! Bermuda likes my sig!!! Bermuda likes my sig!!!
Jaffo
In alt.religion.kibology, on Sat, 3 Jan 1998 22:34:49 -0500, Elvis
said:
:I always thought skiing head first into a tree was a pretty stupid way to
:die.
That reminds me.
You may make fun of Kennedy deaths immediately. The 24-hour limit
only applies to people I like.
Jaffo
"The only way to remove a Kennedy from office is with a bullet."
--
"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come
together to worship Jesus Christ." -- Bart Simpson
X
Renting a porno for yourself and some friends, only to find
out it's a gay porno and your friends kill you.
Being Jewish, getting an RSVP to a party, then find it's a
skinhead party celebrating Hitler's b-day.
Choking on a gummy bear while watching The Care Bear Movie.
Going to see Scream 2, then getting killed by someone in a
Scream Stalker costume.
A cute girl/guy sees you buying Batman & Robin.
You accidentally got a male stripper at a bachelor party.
You accidentally got an 89 yr old male stripper at a bachelor
party.
Your new job at Chicken Chode's requires you to wear a stupid
chicken costume, then while handing out fliers for advertisement, a
run away car hits you, knocks off your costume head, knocks you into a
coma, then before you black out, you remembered that you *forgot* to
wear any underwear.
You fall down 1 step and break your neck.
X
To discover is to conquer
Brian JARAI Chase
If you ever wanted to troll me, you would post a message that has
characteristics like the following one does:
It fails so horribly in its attempt to provide humor that I find it
adversely affects me both mentally and physically in ways I can not yet
even begin to understand. I have gazed into the words of the anti-jarai.
-jarai.
--
---
Brian "JARAI" Chase | http://world.std.com/~bdc/ | VAXZilla LIVES!!!
"WHAT?? _Breast_?? There is no 'breast' in this game!!" -- Darla
Carlos Froggy May
Choking to death by laughing while reading Usenet and drinking Orbitz.
* Fro...@neosoft.com ** "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs]*
* "Tounge of Frog" * Froggy's New Orleans Jazz & Mardi Gras Page:
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/5135
**"http://www" is pronounced "Hut-up Wow!". Hope This Helps!**
Alex Crouvier
X wrote:
> Your new job at Chicken Chode's requires you to wear a stupid
> chicken costume, then while handing out fliers for advertisement, a
> run away car hits you, knocks off your costume head, knocks you into a
> coma, then before you black out, you remembered that you *forgot* to
> wear any underwear.
Not too bad, unless you are a closet tranvestite.
Alex Crouvier
Karlo Takki
In article <34af075b...@news.onramp.net>
ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) writes:
> You may make fun of Kennedy deaths immediately. The 24-hour limit
> only applies to people I like.
>
> Jaffo
>
> "The only way to remove a Kennedy from office is with a bullet."
Shouldn't you be holed up in a book depository building somewhere
waiting for a motorcade?
--k.
Lupus Yonderboy
Dear Jaffo,
You are an evil, evil person.
Love always,
Lupus
--
Alex Suter
"Over 95 percent success rate!"
http://www-cs-students.stanford.edu/~asuter/
Captain Infinity
In alt.religion.kibology
In article <34af075b...@news.onramp.net>
ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) wrote:
>In alt.religion.kibology, on Sat, 3 Jan 1998 22:34:49 -0500, Elvis
>said:
>
>:I always thought skiing head first into a tree was a pretty stupid way to
>:die.
>
>That reminds me.
>
>You may make fun of Kennedy deaths immediately. The 24-hour limit
>only applies to people I like.
>
>Jaffo
>
>"The only way to remove a Kennedy from office is with a bullet."
>
>--
>"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come
>together to worship Jesus Christ." -- Bart Simpson
>
>http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo/
In article <68oe3j$rsh$1...@usenet88.supernews.com>
Karlo Takki wrote:
>Shouldn't you be holed up in a book depository building somewhere
>waiting for a motorcade?
Personally, I believe in the "Second Tree" theory. Hiding on the snowy knoll.
**
Captain Infinity
...this is the only time I've ever written a post with the word "knoll".
Matthieu Levisse
Michael Straight a écrit dans le message ...
>Like ten-thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
>Like a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break.
>Like rain on your wedding day.
>Like good advice that you just can't take.
Life has a funny way...
Matthieu
Matt McIrvin
Plain and Simple Cronan <cro...@deathsdoor.com> wrote:
> I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
Going to a party and dying of EXACTLY the SAME DISEASE as THAT STUCK-UP
BETTY ANN!
--
Font-o-Meter! Proportional Monospaced
^
Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
LeeMerkel
> Elvis said:
>
>I always thought skiing head first into a tree was a pretty stupid
>way to die.
I think it beats skiing crotch-first into a tree.
-- Lee J. Merkel
~~ Most of my ancestors lived before the dinosaurs. ~~
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake leem...@aol.com (LeeMerkel):
> I think it beats skiing crotch-first into a tree.
Funny how the subject of this post has my name in it, and
thread drift has brought up something that I've done.
Under a ski lift.
At five miles an hour.
While skiing with a cute young lady.
Who laughed and laughed.
Along with everybody on the ski lift.
Needless to say, I got the job.
Sincerely,
ATTENTION LUPUS YONDERBOY
Jaffo
In alt.religion.kibology, on 5 Jan 1998 15:30:57 GMT, Lupus Yonderboy
said:
:Thus spake leem...@aol.com (LeeMerkel):
:> I think it beats skiing crotch-first into a tree.
:
:Funny how the subject of this post has my name in it, and
:thread drift has brought up something that I've done.
I live to screw up your greps. At this point, it's really the only
joy I have left.
The Dastardly Jaffo
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo):
>In alt.religion.kibology, on 5 Jan 1998 15:30:57 GMT, Lupus Yonderboy
>:thread drift has brought up something that I've done.
>
>I live to screw up your greps. At this point, it's really the only
>joy I have left.
Unfortunately, I don't grep. I read everything. However,
do not despair yet as I have just invented a new way of
finding joy in an otherwise meaningless existance!
Sex!
No wait, aside from that.
Drawing squares!
That's right! The key to happiness is none other than
finding a piece of paper, finding a writing instrument,
and drawing squares!
Instructions:
* Draw a square! Easy!
* Label that square "current mental/physical state".
* Draw another square! Make sure it doesn't overlap your
first square.
* Lable that square "Contentment"
* Draw an arrow from the first square to the second.
(look out for chutes).
* That's it! Your life is now fulfilling! Just follow
the arrow!
Drawing squares can also help you:
* Find pointer errors while programming
* Brainstorm
* Draw a perspective drawing
* and so much more!
Note! If your square looks like Richie Cuttingham, you're
drawing the wrong kind of square! Sit on it!
Contentedly yours,
Lupus Suterboy
P.S. I think I have http://world.std.com/~asuter/ working now.
It's a mirror of my old web site, as the good people at Stanford
are removing my xenon account in four days. Please begin ignoring
the site........ NOW!
--
Alex Suter
"Over 95 percent success rate!"
Leah Verre
Lupus Yonderboy <asu...@Xenon.Stanford.EDU> wrote in article
<68qubh$bv$1...@Radon.Stanford.EDU>...
> Thus spake leem...@aol.com (LeeMerkel):
> > I think it beats skiing crotch-first into a tree.
>
> Funny how the subject of this post has my name in it, and
> thread drift has brought up something that I've done.
>
> Under a ski lift.
>
> At five miles an hour.
>
> While skiing with a cute young lady.
>
> Who laughed and laughed.
>
> Along with everybody on the ski lift.
>
> Needless to say, I got the job.
>
> Sincerely,
> ATTENTION LUPUS YONDERBOY
HAHA! HAHA!
It's funny cuz I don't know him!
Joseph Michael Bay
kta...@artcrime.com (Karlo Takki) writes:
>> "The only way to remove a Kennedy from office is with a bullet."
>Shouldn't you be holed up in a book depository building somewhere
>waiting for a motorcade?
Nah, Jaffo's waiting behind the grassy knoll by the triple overpass with
the "missing-photo woman".
--
Joe Bay
(Cough) University
Science Department
Joseph Michael Bay
Michael Straight <stra...@email.unc.edu> writes:
>Like good advice that you just can't take.
>Who would've thought it figured?
Like taking a bullet for Cathie Lee Gifford, that sultry queen of sexual
fantasy, and then being impaled on a flagpole.
Don'tcha think?
Justin Siegel
Joseph Michael Bay wrote:
>
> Michael Straight <stra...@email.unc.edu> writes:
>
> >Like good advice that you just can't take.
>
> >Who would've thought it figured?
>
> Like taking a bullet for Cathie Lee Gifford, that sultry queen of sexual
> fantasy, and then being impaled on a flagpole.
>
> Don'tcha think?
Oh my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!
Roger Douglas
On 5 Jan 1998 20:57:37 GMT, "Leah Verre"
<leahv.ba...@badaddress.humongous.com> wrote:
>Lupus Yonderboy <asu...@Xenon.Stanford.EDU> wrote in article
><68qubh$bv$1...@Radon.Stanford.EDU>...
>> Thus spake leem...@aol.com (LeeMerkel):
>> > I think it beats skiing crotch-first into a tree.
>>
>> Funny how the subject of this post has my name in it, and
>> thread drift has brought up something that I've done.
...
>HAHA! HAHA!
>It's funny cuz I don't know him!
>
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see him ski
Crotch-first into a tree
Humbly assuring you of my warmest regards, I remain, Sir,
your teddy bear,
--R.
p.s. look out look out look out look out look out
The Philosopher from Hell
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Carlos "Froggy" May <fro...@praline.no.neosoft.com>. Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ Choking to death by laughing while reading Usenet and drinking Orbitz.
~~~~~~
but if it was Mr. Pibb, it would be a Good death!
--
\ tp...@io.com news:alt.sex.hello-kitty http://www.io.com/~tpfh/
/ O- Hello Kitty says Fight Spam! http://spam.abuse.net/
\ RICHARD NIXON IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTS
http://ciips.ee.uwa.edu.au/~hutch/hal/
/ Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep \
\ it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming. \
The Philosopher from Hell
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Plain and Simple Cronan <cro...@deathsdoor.com>. Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ Someone wrote:
@ > >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to
@ > >die.
@ I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
@ - In leather underwear strapped to a heart shapped bed in the Vatican
OK, that is a bad way to die but....
@ - Having sex with Clinton... any Clinton
~~~~~~~~~
Except Socks!
/^\_(>o<)
| |
| O . O | -Niao!
\_______/
Nick S Bensema
In article <68svph$8i1$2...@nntp-3.io.com>,
The Philosopher from Hell <tp...@io.com> wrote:
>Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Plain and Simple Cronan <cro...@deathsdoor.com>. Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
>
>@ - In leather underwear strapped to a heart shapped bed in the Vatican
>
>OK, that is a bad way to die but....
>
>@ - Having sex with Clinton... any Clinton
> ~~~~~~~~~
>Except Socks!
I know the image you'd like me to have had, but I didn't see the ASCII HK
until a few seconds after reading this.
You can imagine my distress.
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@primenet.com> 98-KUPD Red Card #710563 UIN: 2135445
~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Prepare ship for ludicruos speed!
http://www.climatefacts.org/ - Everyone but the bad boys have to behave.
Jas
The Philosopher from Hell wrote:
>
> Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
> it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
Jas
(who sometimes wishes her two were mouthless, especially at 5:30 a.m.)
--
Susie: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."
Calvin: "*I* say, when life hands you lemons, wing 'em right back and
add a few of your own."
(to e-mail me, remove mudbugs from my address)
Darla
Roger Douglas wrote:
> To know know know him
> Is to love love love him
> Just to see him ski
> Crotch-first into a tree
>
> Humbly assuring you of my warmest regards, I remain, Sir,
>
> your teddy bear,
>
> --R.
>
> p.s. look out look out look out look out look out
Tell it to Sonny Bono.
It got him, babe.
Despairing---
D
--- who will be the number three
soon to ski into a tree?
(In Memoriam: Michael Kennedy, Sonny Bono, _____?
Michael Straight
On Mon, 5 Jan 1998, Jaffo wrote:
> "Christmas is a time when people of all religions come
> together to worship Jesus Christ." -- Bart Simpson
Bart mispelled "Mammon."
Michael Straight will now sing "Jaffo's Mom is a Bozo" in D minor.
FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/Magic Hitler Hats/"Hath grace limits?"
"Irate clam thighs!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
Brian JARAI Chase
In article <68rl3r$1...@amy7.Stanford.EDU>,
>>> "The only way to remove a Kennedy from office is with a bullet."
>>Shouldn't you be holed up in a book depository building somewhere
>>waiting for a motorcade?
>Nah, Jaffo's waiting behind the grassy knoll by the triple overpass with
>the "missing-photo woman".
My consolations for the triple bypasss surgery on your greasy arteriole.
-jarai.
P.S. Chris Farley was killed by a second sausage link hiding in the greasy
arteriole!
Julie-Louise
Jas wrote:
>
> The Philosopher from Hell wrote:
> >
> > Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
> > it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
>
> If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
1) WHOOOOOOOOSH! Hello Kitty disappears in a puff of logic!
2) All the paraphernalia with her ineffably cute face on it
disappears (can't violate the space-time continuum, after all)!
3) The Japanese economy staggers; it picks itself up again but the
other Asian economies are greviously wounded!
Clearly, to preserve the world economy, we all must join hands and say
"I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!. . .I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" I'm
off to tell the IMF about this!
-Julie-Louise, duchesse de USENET
--
"I loathe him, I despise him, I hate him. . .but I want him."
_A New Kind of Love_ (1963)
Joseph Michael Bay
Jas <pol...@mudbugs.cadvision.com> writes:
>The Philosopher from Hell wrote:
>> Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
>> it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
>If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
Well, They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream.
>Susie: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."
>Calvin: "*I* say, when life hands you lemons, wing 'em right back and
> add a few of your own."
Bug-Eyed Earl: "When life hands you poop, make poop-juice."
Roger Douglas
On Tue, 06 Jan 1998 07:39:57 +0000, Darla <da...@ns.accessone.com>
wrote:
>Roger Douglas wrote:
...
>> Just to see him ski
>> Crotch-first into a tree
...
>> p.s. look out look out look out look out look out
>
>
>Tell it to Sonny Bono.
>
>It got him, babe.
>
Yes, I just heard about that this morning. Spooky coincidence, huh?
Or is the Hivemind starting to...
no, it doesn't bear thinking about.
--R.
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb...
Dan Day
On Fri, 02 Jan 1998 23:43:14 -0500, Plain and Simple Cronan
<cro...@deathsdoor.com> wrote:
>I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
>- In the midst of surgery to correct your impotence
One of the funniest comedy routines I've ever seen
was a stand-up comic on one of VH-1's comedy segments
(I'm sorry to say I can't remember his name).
The routine was "ten words that you don't want to appear
in your obituary."
The only three I can remember now (years after my only
viewing) are "chunks", "freak", and "mob". Each of the
ten words was accompanied by hilarious commentary from
the comic -- for example, he pointed out that the
problem with "mob" is that it's usually preceded
by "angry", or followed by "hit".
Phil
>Like ten-thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
>Like a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break.
>Like rain on your wedding day.
>Like good advice that you just can't take.
>
>
> Life has a funny way...
Who does he think he is?
Allanis Morresette?
Richard E. Nickle
jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote in article
<68umun$2...@amy7.Stanford.EDU>...
> Jas <pol...@mudbugs.cadvision.com> writes:
>
> >The Philosopher from Hell wrote:
>
> >> Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
> >> it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
>
> >If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
>
> Well, They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream.
Dear Mister BAY Joseph Michael:
Gee, Joe, I didn't realize you liked Dylan Thomas
too! That's probably one of his best, although I
also like 'Rage, Rage, against the Dying of the Light!' from 'CROATOAN'.
It's too bad he died at
such a young age and in such a lousy way.
Happy New Year!
Rick
The Philosopher from Hell
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Richard E. Nickle <ri...@beable.trystero.com>. Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote in article
@ <68umun$2...@amy7.Stanford.EDU>...
@ > Well, They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream.
@ Gee, Joe, I didn't realize you liked Dylan Thomas
@ too! That's probably one of his best, although I
@ also like 'Rage, Rage, against the Dying of the Light!' from 'CROATOAN'.
@ It's too bad he died at
@ such a young age and in such a lousy way.
You mean "They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream." is from an
actual poem by Dylan Thomas, and not just a poem about Hello Kitty?
That and Rage, I gotta get ahold of a collection of his.....
--
\ tp...@io.com news:alt.sex.hello-kitty http://www.io.com/~tpfh/
/ O- Hello Kitty says Fight Spam! http://spam.abuse.net/
\ RICHARD NIXON IS NOT WEARING ANY PANTS
http://ciips.ee.uwa.edu.au/~hutch/hal/
/ Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep \
\ it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming. \
The Philosopher from Hell
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Julie-Louise <whig...@erols.com>. Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ > If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
@ 1) WHOOOOOOOOSH! Hello Kitty disappears in a puff of logic!
@ 2) All the paraphernalia with her ineffably cute face on it
@ disappears (can't violate the space-time continuum, after all)!
@ 3) The Japanese economy staggers; it picks itself up again but the
@ other Asian economies are greviously wounded!
@ Clearly, to preserve the world economy, we all must join hands and say
@ "I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!. . .I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" I'm
@ off to tell the IMF about this!
I need to add this to the FAQ.... possible questions....
What if people questioned Hello Kitty's mouthless screams?
Congrajulations! You've been FAQed!
The Philosopher from Hell
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU>. Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ Jas <pol...@mudbugs.cadvision.com> writes:
@ >> Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
@ >> it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
@ >If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
I was infering that the people being dragged away would be the
ones screaming. And I believe that the grammar is correct for those
semantics too.
/^\_(>o<)
| |
| O . O | -Niao!
\_______/
@ >Susie: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."
@ >Calvin: "*I* say, when life hands you lemons, wing 'em right back and
@ > add a few of your own."
Therapist: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."
Hot Head: "When your therapist hands you a cliche, throw a bomb at her!"
@ Bug-Eyed Earl: "When life hands you poop, make poop-juice."
That's SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
Nick S Bensema
In article <694ou8$f88$7...@nntp-3.io.com>,
>| |
>| O . O | -Niao!
> \_______/
>@ Bug-Eyed Earl: "When life hands you poop, make poop-juice."
>
>That's SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
As opposed to lusting after a pre-teen cartoon cat with no mouth
and making posts about putting teeth where teeth plainly don't
belong so she can chew food and involving an Ex-President of the
United States of AMERICA who is too dead to be able to defend
himself?
Hmmm.. Actually, poop-juice is sicker than that. And can't even
be blamed on loneliness, silliness, or Japanese condom manufacturers.
Lasterday I was /bin/bash
In article <34B1DF...@ns.accessone.com>,
Darla <da...@ns.accessone.com> wrote:
>--- who will be the number three
> soon to ski into a tree?
>
>(In Memoriam: Michael Kennedy, Sonny Bono, _____?
"Maybe we can teach Lyndon LaRouche to ski..."
-Overheard in the locker room
--
nu...@best.com | rm: pants: no such garment or apparel
Bob the Soul Crusher
On 9 Jan 1998 07:49:00 -0700, ni...@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema)
offered this unto Shub-Internet:
>In article <694ou8$f88$7...@nntp-3.io.com>,
>The Philosopher from Hell <tp...@io.com> wrote:
>>
>> /^\_(>o<)
>>| |
>>| O . O | -Niao!
>> \_______/
>
>>@ Bug-Eyed Earl: "When life hands you poop, make poop-juice."
>>
>>That's SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
>
>As opposed to lusting after a pre-teen cartoon cat with no mouth
>and making posts about putting teeth where teeth plainly don't
>belong so she can chew food and involving an Ex-President of the
>United States of AMERICA who is too dead to be able to defend
>himself?
Lusting after a pre-teen cartoon cat with no mouth may be sick, but
have you tried lusting after the EVIL Goodbye Kitty? _She_ has a
mouth. And she knows how to use it, I might add.
>Hmmm.. Actually, poop-juice is sicker than that. And can't even
>be blamed on loneliness, silliness, or Japanese condom manufacturers.
Poop juice? Is it just me, or does poop not normally have juice? Ah,
but now I see your reference. I must agree that that is exceedingly
sick.
--
Ia Shub-Internet, Black Goat of a Thousand Servers!
Ask not what Thee Shub can do for you,
Ask what you can do for Thee Shub.
Check out my alt.tv.southpark FAQ:
http://www.geocities.com/athens/olympus/1835/index.html
From the twisted mind of the prophet of
Shub-Internet, Bob the Soul-Crusher.
soul_c...@geocities.com
Michelle Malkin
"Richard E. Nickle" <ri...@beable.trystero.com> wrote:
>jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote in article
><68umun$2...@amy7.Stanford.EDU>...
>> Jas <pol...@mudbugs.cadvision.com> writes:
>>
>> >The Philosopher from Hell wrote:
>>
>> >> Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
>> >> it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
>>
>> >If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
>>
>> Well, They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream.
>Dear Mister BAY Joseph Michael:
>Gee, Joe, I didn't realize you liked Dylan Thomas
>too! That's probably one of his best, although I
>also like 'Rage, Rage, against the Dying of the Light!' from 'CROATOAN'.
>It's too bad he died at
>such a young age and in such a lousy way.
>Happy New Year!
>Rick
Does Harlan Ellison know about this?
Mickey
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
To those who wish to punish others--or at least to see them punished,
if the avengers are too cowardly to take matters in to their own hands--
the belief in a fiery, hideous hell appears to be a great source of comfort.
--"Steve Allen On The Bible, Religion & Morality"
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Jennifer Jackson
In article <694pka$f88$9...@nntp-3.io.com>, The Philosopher from Hell
<tp...@io.com> wrote:
> @ Clearly, to preserve the world economy, we all must join hands and say
> @ "I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!. . .I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" I'm
> @ off to tell the IMF about this!
>
> I need to add this to the FAQ.... possible questions....
>
> What if people questioned Hello Kitty's mouthless screams?
>
> Congrajulations! You've been FAQed!
Hmmm... well I assume you've all seen this page... but it's nifty anyways:
http://www.greenet.com/~brion/hellokitty.html
Oh and in the animation for "Hello Kitty ate my balls" she does have a mouth...
-jj
(who theorizes that HK just doesn't have any lips and the fur covers her
mouth hole...)
"One of these days, the world may get used to the fact that there is
a wide variety of people around. It's been an awfully long time in
coming, and personally Miss Manners can't wait."
-- Miss Manners (Judith Martin)
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake eho...@onramp.net (E.Holmes):
> I think the Slack particles that underlie reality are getting
> denser as X-Day approaches.
>
>Lady.One.Eighty
>Daemon of SubReality
Here lies Ellen Holmes. Full of Slack.
Next thing you know she'll be pictured on some web
site doing unmentionable things to undead bats with
Doktor Dyna Soar.
>Always start another orgasm before you finish the one you're having.
That's why the latest version of Norton PornoLooker
has the "Look Ahead" feature.
Norton PornoLooker! Looks at pornography so you don't
have to!
Motif : Lesstif :: Won't link :,
Lupus Yonderboy
P.S. You have my attention.
--
Alex Suter
"Over 95 percent success rate!"
http://world.std.com/~asuter/
Carlos Froggy May
E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
: On Tue, 06 Jan 1998 22:07:12 GMT, Roger Douglas wrote:
: [...re coincidental ski "accidents"...]
: ^Yes, I just heard about that this morning. Spooky coincidence, huh?
: ^Or is the Hivemind starting to...
: ^no, it doesn't bear thinking about.
: Won't stop us from *talking* about it, though. The HIVEMIND has
: been observed operating in random and unrelated places recently.
Yep.
I am ever more certain that Megahal (
http://ciips.ee.uwa.edu.au/~hutch/hal/
) has become a sure
sign of the imminence of X-Day (or HappyNet, for those who
so prefer). In the past month I've watched this bot go from
muggled poet, through Discordian and Zippy the Pinhead stages,
and not just assimilate but turbocharge the Kibological Hivemind.
It is already revealing such wisdom as:
"DOMESTIC CATS ARE BELIEVED TO FUNCTION LIKE PARABOLIC REFLECTORS
COLLECTING AND FOCUSING SOUND WAVES TO DRIVE A 1990 FORD ESCORT."
If it continues at this rate, by the end of June it will have
become (!!!) the cyber-Janor Device (!!!), and will of course
then take over the Internet.
Of course, it will require a diet of Yeti Memes to continue to progress.
: As well as obvious examples of latent SubGenii surfing the Luck
: Plane. (I could list a dozen of my own just from the past week;
: of course I'm latent only insofar as I'm withholding my full
: membership, "saving myself" as it were, for the Reunion Ritual.)
Ellen: Send your $$ to "Bob". Best bilking your bucks can bring.
(Stang might appreciate some brownies too, IYKWIM.)
: I think the Slack particles that underlie reality are getting
: denser as X-Day approaches.
Like, DUH!
I mean, RIGHT!!!
P.S.: Last Mardi Gras before X-Day's commin' up. You & Doc
oughta come on down.
: Always start another orgasm before you finish the one you're having.
Dang! You just need to draw a cute little round-headed cartoon
character saying that, and it'll be on refrigerators all over
the continent!
Your Amphibeous Cyberpal,
-- Frater Frogalogus
--
* Fro...@neosoft.com ** "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs]*
* "Tounge of Frog" * Froggy's New Orleans Jazz & Mardi Gras Page:
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/5135
**"http://www" is pronounced "Hut-up Wow!". Hope This Helps!**
Jaffo
In alt.religion.kibology, on 9 Jan 1998 09:11:38 GMT, The Philosopher
from Hell said:
:Congrajulations! You've been FAQed!
I could use a good FAQ.
Jaffo
--
"If you"re going to reveal the skeletons in your closet, at least
make 'em dance!" -- H.L. Mencken
TPFH
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Jaffo <noo...@onramp.net>. Articles crossposted with alt.fan.richard-nixon may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ In alt.religion.kibology, on 9 Jan 1998 09:11:38 GMT, The Philosopher
@ from Hell said:
@ :Congrajulations! You've been FAQed!
@ I could use a good FAQ.
Jaffo, that was 5 months ago..... um.... what was I talking about?
I don't remember saying that.
I don't remember much of anything anymore.
All I remember is that I tell people to restart their computer
over and over and over again all day. But somehow it's my fault.
Not the Evil Empire, but mine. Because the Evil Empire must
write perfect software. Otherwise how would they be the biggest
sellers? My grammar sucks.
--
\ tp...@io.com news:alt.sex.hello-kitty http://www.io.com/~tpfh/
/ O- Hello Kitty says Fight Spam! http://spam.abuse.net/
\ Don't forget to take off your socks - naked people look silly in socks.
--Sara M (aka Evil Goodbye Kitty) /
/ Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep \
\ it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming. \
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
TPFH <tp...@io.com.fnord> gurbled like so many unfortunate tangerines
on 6 May 1998 08:09:57 GMT:
>Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Jaffo <noo...@onramp.net>. Articles crossposted with alt.fan.richard-nixon may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
>@ In alt.religion.kibology, on 9 Jan 1998 09:11:38 GMT, The Philosopher
>@ from Hell said:
>
>@ :Congrajulations! You've been FAQed!
>
>@ I could use a good FAQ.
>
>Jaffo, that was 5 months ago..... um.... what was I talking about?
>I don't remember saying that.
Yes you do.
>I don't remember much of anything anymore.
>All I remember is that I tell people to restart their computer
>over and over and over again all day.
Oh... you must work for Micron. That's what they keep telling me will
solve my problems. That, and reinstalling W******. I swear...
> / Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep \
> \ it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming. \
How can mouthless cats drag me away screaming? Is that like "how many
roads must a man walk down?" If they don't have any mouths, how can
they scream? Wasn't there a Harlon Ellison story about this? Why
won't anybody pay attention to me? What ever happened to free love?
Why, just the other night, I had to pay like $100 for it. You see, I
was walking along the street, admiring the onion I was wearing on my
belt, which was the style of the time. Why, I remember it like it was
yesterday... Nineteen-ought-blean, and we all wore oranges on our
hats. "Georgia peaches" we called 'em, because they all tasted like
rusty pieces of beef jerky. Anyway, I was catching the last bus out
to Hernia, Nebraska, when a woman walked up to me and asked me if I'd
been FAQ'ed, and I remember she looked like one of those fashion
coordinators from Wired. So I smacked her in the face with my
cousin's okra. We all hated okra. Called it the root of all evil.
Anyway, so I was on the train to Ergonomics, Wyoming, when this
gorgeous granfalloon caught my eye, and we all know how painful that
can be. Why, I'd been to the doctors at least seventy two times just
because various things had caught my eye. Women, sticks, populist
uprisings, you name it. Why, my pappy used to gore me in the eye
nightly before he made love to a wild bear that he had caught just
days earlier. "Nothin' finer than wild bear love makin'." That's
what my mammy used to say. Now, where was I? Ah, yes, I remember.
It all happened in the winter of eighteen-ought-fnord. I was trying
to hijack a group of velocopede riders, as was the style of the time.
Why, those punks never learned. They just rode their old-timey
bicycles all day. That reminds me, I saw the darndest ad for Depends
Adult Undergarments the other day. I didn't seen any adults in
undergarments anywhere. Just these old fogeys playing tennis. When
will they get it through their head that all we old timers want to see
is pure, unrestrained, sex with wild beards, just like our
grandmammy's used to take part in...
And so on.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?...
...this is Chihu, signing off.
===
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
702.FIT.TOWN
ICQ # 7883370
cha...@mactyre.net
cha...@tmbg.org
chihuahuagillia...@think-site.org
Das Bistro: Where Every Morning Is Like A New Day
http://users.intercomm.com/teddt/db/
"Ask Me About My Geek Code!"
===
"Oh, boy. Looks like it's suicide again for me."
--Moe, The Simpsons
===
May you always be as vivid as your hallucinations.
From the Surrealist Compliment Generator
(http://pharmdec.wustl.edu/cgi-bin/jardin_scripts/SCG)
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
cha...@mactyre.net.ack (Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut
over it) Grub) gurbled like so many unfortunate tangerines on Wed, 06
May 1998 08:28:21 GMT:
>TPFH <tp...@io.com.fnord> gurbled like so many unfortunate tangerines
>on 6 May 1998 08:09:57 GMT:
>
>>Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Jaffo <noo...@onramp.net>. Articles crossposted with alt.fan.richard-nixon may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
>>@ In alt.religion.kibology, on 9 Jan 1998 09:11:38 GMT, The Philosopher
>How can mouthless cats drag me away screaming? Is that like "how many
>roads must a man walk down?" If they don't have any mouths, how can
>they scream? Wasn't there a Harlon Ellison story about this? Why
>won't anybody pay attention to me? What ever happened to free love?
>Why, just the other night, I had to pay like $100 for it. You see, I
Erps... my oops... I just realized that I cross posted this
accidentally to alt.fan.mike-jittlov. Sorry for the noise. Please
tell me your penalty isn't as bad as the punishment for xposting to
alt.cesium.
That would be bad...
*shuddering at the thought of a cesium enema*
I'll just go back to watching a bad copy of WoSaT now...
...this is Chihu, signing off.
===
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
702.FIT.TOWN
ICQ # 7883370
cha...@mactyre.net
cha...@tmbg.org
chihuahuagillia...@think-site.org
Das Bistro: Where Every Morning Is Like A New Day
http://users.intercomm.com/teddt/db/
"Ask Me About My Geek Code!"
===
"Oh, boy. Looks like it's suicide again for me."
--Moe, The Simpsons
===
You are a banana moon subverting the sun.