Paul Derbyshire FAQ v. 1.10
John Edwards
It's new! It's improved! It's still low in sodium!
The Paul G. Derbyshire FAQ (v. 1.10)
Changed sections marked with *
*1) Who is Paul Derbyshire?
He is pder...@chat.carleton.ca and ao...@freenet.carleton.ca. At last
report, he was a Science student at Carleton. (Note: he now claims to be
starting in Computer Science in October. Too bad nobody told him that
classes start in September).
*2) What is his purpose in life?
Posting numerous annoying glitch reports on carleton.chat.suggestions and
ncf.sigs.irc. Complaining about buses. Complaining about Frosh Week.
Complaining about, well, I think you get the idea. He is Carleton's
inimitable glitch detector.
3) Are any of these "glitches" real?
Oh, there's a glitch all right.
4) Does he have any favourite "glitches"?
He has three, as far as we can tell. First, his modem would hang up on
him. This, of course, was CHAT's fault. Second, he seems to be unable at
times to figure out how to telnet from CHAT to Freenet. Third, he
has problems figuring out lag, both with regards to the Carleton
Annexes/CHAT and Freenet IRC.
5) Does Freenet have time limits?
Yes.
5.1) Does CHAT have time limits?
Yes.
5.2) Then why would someone telnet from CHAT to Freenet, and use up both
limits at the same time?
See Question 3.
6) What's a B3?
A B3 is a moderately-bad glitch. Paul developed a "bug rating scale" last
May. He would rate bugs from a B1 to a B5 (B5 presumably being the most
serious.) After much hilarity, he abandoned the rating system after a
couple of weeks.
7) Has Paul gone anywhere else, besides the suggestions and irc groups?
He was on ott.singles for approximately a week, but was flamed off in
shame after claiming (again to much hilarity) that one of the group's
original posters had "followed him there". He seem to get on reasonably
well with the folks at sci.fractals. People on ncf.sigs.youth appear to
like him, or at least tolerate him.
*8) He sounds like a kook. Is he?
Well, let's just say that if Carleton had a "Kook of the Month" vote, Paul
would be the 11-time defending champion, and the trophy would have been
renamed in his honour by now. He may not quite be on the level of such
famous Usenet kooks as Stephen "Speedbump" Boursy and Bob Allisat, but his
recent "Cabal FAQ" and "I am the Internet" ravings have certainly set him
rapidly advancing towards such rarified heights of kook-dom.
9) What's Paul like in IRL?
About the same, by all reports, but with more profanity.
*10) What does he look like?
Paul is said to be rather short (approx. 5'5") and pudgy fellow with brown
hair, glasses and acne on his face. (We will reserve comment on whether
this makes him an Oxy-moron) He usually dresses in untucked T-shirts with
various Sci-Fi themes on them.
11) How will I know when I see him?
You'll know. Trust us.
*12) What does Paul sound like?
Feedback with a British accent.
*13) What's "bullroar"?
Bullshit. Paul does not like to use profanity online. Offline, he
apparently has no such reservations.
*14) So, what does that "G." stand for?
The most popular theory says "Glitch".
15) How old is he?
He is 20 years old, as of July. There was a rumour going around that he is
a 14-year-old prodigy, but it is untrue.
16) Does Paul like to wait?
No. This explains why gets upset when he has to wait 20 whole seconds to
log on, when the bus is 1 minute late, etc.
17) What bus does Paul take?
The 118 (much to OC Transpo's chagrin).
18) Does Paul like animals?
Yes. Some of his best friends are squirrels.
18.1) Squirrels?
Yes. Those little rodents that run around campus (except during Steak Night
at SAGA).
*18.2) Why squirrels?
We're not quite sure. But it seems that he befriended four of them during
Frosh Week 95, and demanded food for them during an event. He had
previously given them free lodging in his Frosh Week laundry bag. There's no
word on what the squirrels thought of these generous offers.
*19) Did he do anything else during his Frosh Week?
Before the Frosh Week outing to Mont Cascades, it seems someone
accidentally bumped into Paul, who was drinking a tasty beverage. It
spilled all over Paul's frosh shirt and Paul dropped it. Paul began
yelling at this person, "Well, you'll just have to get me anotha one, you
SPILLED MY POP, you bitch! My mom gave me two dollas for the day and now I
have no money for anotha one!" This apparently went on for at least 10
minutes.
20) Does Paul like girls?
He used to think of them as "fucking weirdos, covering themselves in
strange, smelly potions." But his opinion has changed, and now he is quite
fond of them.
20.1) Do girls like Paul?
They, however, still think of Paul as a "fucking weirdo."
20.2) What is Paul looking for in a woman?
He has said: "I am looking for a woman who's okay looking (though I
wouldn't mind a supermodel figure ;)) but who is also friendly, open,
sensual, kindhearted, intelligent and witty, and has a pretty smile and
laugh :) I want a relationship with equality, openness, friendliness,
sensuality and spontaneity, devotion, mutual respect and love..."
20.3) Anything else?
One assumes that said woman would also have to be very punctual.
*21) Is Paul a "leg man" or a "breast man"?
He prefers McNuggets.
22) Does Paul have any political views?
He claims to be left-of-centre. He is also opposed to abortion.
*22.1) What about student politics?
Aside from the aforementioned Frosh Week encounters, he has had some
brushes with CU$A. Apparently CU$A once made him leave his coat in Baker's
Lounge and then caused it to be stolen. They also are responsible for the
fact that people became upset when he spent long periods of time talking
into the Unicentre's free phone with no one on the other end of the line.
*23) Does Paul dance?
No. During the Bjorn Again concert (you don't want to know who they are)
at Frosh Week 95, for some reason, he refused to face Bjorn Again. Instead
he insisted on staring at the crowd, just standing still. When asked why
he wasn't up and dancing like everyone else, he said "I don't dance. I'm a
quiet kind of guy".
24) What's the Derbyshire Saga?
It is the tale of Paul in a Chem Lab early last March. In short, it seems
that Paul was having some troubles with his experiment. One thing led to
another, and after much gesticulating, shrieking and struggling Our Hero
was escorted from the Steacie Building by Ottawa-Carleton's finest, despite
the fact that he "couldn't go downtown" because he "had things to do
tonight". The entire story was located at
http://chat.carleton.ca/~jedwards/PGD/Saga.html.
24.1) Is Paul a human mop?
No.
24.2) Does talking in police code make you any better than him?
No.
25) Has Paul had any other contact with the law?
Well, there have numerous threats to sue various people for slander, but
none so far have come to fruition.
25.1) Suing people for slander?
Yes. When flamed, Paul will usually claim that what was posted was
slander, and make vague threats of lawsuits. So far, however, it seems
that he has not been able to find a doofus^H^H^H^H^H^Hlawyer willing to
take on his case.
26) Has Paul always been like this?
Apparently. Paul was Goulbourn Middle School's undefeated champion in
chair-tossing.
*27) Where can I find out more about him?
There is his own Web page at http://chat.carleton.ca/~pderbysh. This FAQ
was at http://chat.carleton.ca/jedwards/PGD/FAQ.html. There were rumours of
a FIXIT-NOW mailing list as well as a newsgroup entitled
alt.paul-derbyshire.fix-it-now in his honour, but they both appear to be no
longer with us.
28) What's that thing in his .sig file?
.*.
-() <
`*'
You mean that? It's a picture of his mother ship.
29) Is Paul a "quiet kind of guy?"
The answer should be obvious by now.
Revision history:
Version 1.10 - 24 Aug 96 Version 1.00 - 19 Aug 96
Version 0.12 - 18 Aug 96 Version 0.02 - 15 Aug 96 Version 0.01 - 14 Aug 96
(c) 1996 by John Edwards, Carleton Association of Beer & Alcohol Lovers
- send your comments/stories/questions to jedw...@chat.carleton.ca
--
John Edwards O- Minister of Chasing Wild Geese, Dogbert's New Ruling Class
Email: jedw...@chat.carleton.ca URL: http://chat.carleton.ca/~jedwards
Visit http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~aa349. It's "Pretty Good, Dude!"
There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence. - H. Adams
Victoria Shamrocks - 1996 Western Lacrosse Association Champions
Evan Hughes
It was funny for the first little while, but now it's starting to sound
like some form of fatal attraction.
jedwards: Get a life. PGD may be vaguely amusing but you're taking this
to a disturbing extreme.
John Edwards (jedw...@chat.carleton.ca) wrote:
> The Paul G. Derbyshire FAQ (v. 1.10)
I would say a .05, but that's just my preference.
> 6) What's a B3?
> A B3 is a moderately-bad glitch. Paul developed a "bug rating scale" last
> May. He would rate bugs from a B1 to a B5 (B5 presumably being the most
> serious.) After much hilarity, he abandoned the rating system after a
> couple of weeks.
Could someone repost this? I missed it. =(
> 9) What's Paul like in IRL?
By IRL, I assume you mean 'in real life'. You have a redundant 'in'.
> *18.2) Why squirrels?
> We're not quite sure. But it seems that he befriended four of them during
> Frosh Week 95, and demanded food for them during an event. He had
> previously given them free lodging in his Frosh Week laundry bag. There's no
> word on what the squirrels thought of these generous offers.
What we all want to know: How much did SAGA pay for the squirrels when
PGD was done with them?
> *19) Did he do anything else during his Frosh Week?
[...]
> yelling at this person, "Well, you'll just have to get me anotha one, you
> SPILLED MY POP, you bitch! My mom gave me two dollas for the day and now I
> have no money for anotha one!"
Mocking speech pattern: cruel, verging on childish. (Although if I knew
him, it might be worth a smirk)
> 22) Does Paul have any political views?
> He claims to be left-of-centre. He is also opposed to abortion.
You missed a star in front of this one.
> *27) Where can I find out more about him?
> There is his own Web page at http://chat.carleton.ca/~pderbysh. This FAQ
> was at http://chat.carleton.ca/jedwards/PGD/FAQ.html.
Wow. An entire subtree. Are you naturally vindictive, or did Paul
cause you mental anguish? (I would say something like 'spit instead of
swallow', but that would be giving the GLB an excuse... =)
Evan Hughes | Webmaster
Honours Computer Science | Carleton Computer Science Society
http://chat.carleton.ca/~ehughes | http://omega.scs.carleton.ca/~ccss
.. code code code eat code code code code code sleep code code code code ..
Dave Butler
John Edwards (jedw...@chat.carleton.ca) wrote:
> 5) Does Freenet have time limits?
> Yes.
> 5.1) Does CHAT have time limits?
> Yes.
> 5.2) Then why would someone telnet from CHAT to Freenet, and use up both
> limits at the same time?
> See Question 3.
If Freenet allowed (allows?) telneting, there is a reason. There was a
loophole (now plugged) in the CHAT time limits. Simply put, if you tried
to login twice you got the 'your account is already in use! Kick the SOB
who stole your password off?' screen. If you responded yes, CHAT would
ignore the time the previous login took (now it simply says, tough sh#t,
don't let your password escape). There were two simple ways to use this
trick, 1) use a computer lab and turn on the computer next to yours, or 2)
have another account (presumably also with a time limit) and telnet to it,
then telnet back to CHAT, login again and kick yourself off your account.
This crashed all three logins and left you sitting at the annex screen;
you could login to CHAT and have no time used.
Of course, if Freenet doesn't (didn't) allow telneting the point is moot.
I will repeat for the slow of learning: the above trick no longer works.
Dave Butler "Duct tape is like the force,
Carleton University It has a light side, a dark
side, and it binds the universe
Email address: dcbu...@chat.carleton.ca together." -Anon.
Tom McLean
Evan Hughes (ehu...@chat.carleton.ca) wrote:
> It was funny for the first little while, but now it's starting to sound
> like some form of fatal attraction.
Ewwww!
> jedwards: Get a life. PGD may be vaguely amusing but you're taking this
> to a disturbing extreme.
I agree. I haven't seen a post from the "real" PD for quite some time.
However, I still find it funny that PD's initials also stand for his
problem.
Figure that out if you can.
. >< . "Clouse is not here, sundaes are not cones, beet brine is not
* - purple, and benches aren't booths, nor does OC Transpo show
() up on time." -----------------------------------------------
\__/ -- P. Squirrelyhot | Thomas McLean (TRM) tmc...@chat.carleton.ca
______________________ ____| B5r...@chat.carleton.ca
A cruel kind of guy | I sleep in a bed, unless I pass out drunk somewhere