Pig Spooz
Gerald Belton
researchers here; we'll call him Mike, because that's his name. He's
doing research on infertility.
It seems that when Mike was in grad school at the University of
Tennesee, he had a job that included collecting sperm samples from pigs.
Collecting a sperm sample from a pig is much different from collecting
one from a horse or a bull.
When collecting sperm from a bull, one uses a device called an
ElectroJack (tm). This device includes a large electrode which is
pushed up the bulls ass until it is in contact with his prostate. A
large shot of current is applied, causing the prostate to contract and
the semen that comes out is collected. Even an animal as dumb as a bull
eventually learns what it means when it sees that electrode, so this can
be a real challenge.
Collecting sperm from a horse is different. The horse is shown a mare
in estrus; when he mounts her, an artificial vagina is substituted for
the mare and he is tricked into ejaculating into that.
Pigs, on the other hand, are not susceptible to either of these methods.
Sperm samples are collected "by hand." Pigs like this.
So our actual story opens with Mike on his knees in the barn jerking off
a boar. You should be aware that real-life mature pigs don't look like
Arnold Ziffel on "Green Acres." They are HUGE. This boar easily
weighed as much as a good sized pickup truck; he stood about 3-1/2 feet
tall and was nearly that wide.
Well, as Mike was jerking off this monster, it began to give little
grunts of appreciation. Then he (the pig, not Mike) closed his eyes and
began to lean over slightly. He leaned against Mikes shoulder. Mike
realized that the boar was so relaxed, there was a very real danger that
the boar would fall on him. Needless to say, this could be fatal.
Mike began looking around the barn for someone to help -- the place was
empty! Then he heard a door open, so he called out for help. He heard
running footsteps and looked up to see a first-year dairy science
student -- named Mohammed.
It was evident from the look on Mohammed's face that he was aware of the
great danger that Mike was in, and he really wanted to help. It was
also evident that Mohammed was afraid he would burn in Moslem Hell
forever if he touched the pig, and he was horrified and revolted that
anyone would be doing what Mike was doing.
Mike was pissed. Here was this pig about to kill him, and the only
person who could help was just standing there with his hands in his
pockets. Then Mike felt the throbbing that let him know his job was
almost finished, so he did what any a.t'er would have done in a similar
situation -- he pointed the pig's dick at Mohammed's face, and laughed
with delight as the devout Moslem got his face sprayed with pig jism.
---
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A.Lizard
>
> Pigs, on the other hand, are not susceptible to either of these methods.
> Sperm samples are collected "by hand." Pigs like this.
>
Looks like we've found a new profession for Mark Tilden
(mwti...@math.waterloo.ca) ... since he's incapable of appreciating
Jenny, here's a job he can wrap his lips around.
(and if anyone can get .GIFs of Mark Tilden at work doing this,
POST!!!) A.Lizard
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Mike Weber
Definately tasteless.
"Yeah, that would make me laugh..."
-Ubiquitous
Craig Becker
gerald...@ozonehole.com (Gerald Belton) writes:
[deleted to save bandwidth]
Easily the best story about pig spooz I've read this year! Bravo!
Craig
Not the opinion of my employer.
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Dave Kappl
> Mike was pissed. Here was this pig about to kill him, and the only
> person who could help was just standing there with his hands in his
> pockets. Then Mike felt the throbbing that let him know his job was
> almost finished, so he did what any a.t'er would have done in a similar
> situation -- he pointed the pig's dick at Mohammed's face, and laughed
> with delight as the devout Moslem got his face sprayed with pig jism.
My uncle raised pigs on his farm. There was this one pig who's dick was
about two feet long. Many times this pig could be found (with a boner)
rubbing his dick on his chin. Can you imagine! Humping his own chin!
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."
My uncle named this pig "Ram Rod".
DaveTheRave
Julian Macassey
>
>> Mike was pissed. Here was this pig about to kill him, and the only
>> person who could help was just standing there with his hands in his
>> pockets. Then Mike felt the throbbing that let him know his job was
>> almost finished, so he did what any a.t'er would have done in a similar
>> situation -- he pointed the pig's dick at Mohammed's face, and laughed
>> with delight as the devout Moslem got his face sprayed with pig jism.
The tasty bit of trivia that has been omitted from
this wonderful tale is:
A boar shoots out a cup (that's half a pint or 250 cL) of
love juice every time he comes.
My God! That's enough jism to finish the wall paper job in the
kuchen.
--
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Paper Mail: 742 1/2 North Hayworth Avenue, Hollywood, California 90046-7142
Eric A. Schwartz
>I'd like to share with you a story that I just heard from one of the
>researchers here; we'll call him Mike, because that's his name. He's
>doing research on infertility.
>
Making fun of someone's religious beliefs is very cruel. WELL DONE!! :-)
Anyway, I was telling this story to some friends, and one of them
apparently was also aware of the fact that pigs have spiral dicks.
It got me to thinking of possible names for it, much as a human might
have a "great purple-headed dinosaur of love." :-) Here are a few
I came up with:
"Porkscrew"
"PorkerPecker" or its contractions:
"Porcker", "Pocker"
"PigPecker", "Pigcker"
"Bacon Bat"
Any other ideas?
E.S.