Liontology satire reformatted
Jack Molisani
By request, here is the satire formatted less than 80 characters wide.
The Story of Liontology
A satire by Jack Molisani
SATIRE (noun) 1. a literary work in which vices, follies, stupidities, etc.
are held up to ridicule and contempt 2. the use of ridicule, sarcasm, irony,
etc. to expose, attack, or deride vices, follies, etc.
Webster's New World Dictionary
The following is the first chapter of a weekly satire written to illuminate
some of the "follies and stupidities" that have been heard on this newsgroup.
I hope you enjoy it.
- Chapter One -
King Bertram sighed, gazing into the sun that was slowly sinking over edge
of the plains that extended from the edge of his jungle to the edge of the world.
Heat lines rose from the distant grass, making the edges of the sun wrinkle, much
like the skin below his aging mane.
Alone, the king of the jungle allowed the worry he felt to show. He was
weary, as he often was these days. Times were bad and seemed to be getting
worse with each sinking sun. He looked over his shoulder into the jungle and
sighed again. As if he could see right through the jungle, the king pictured the
night creatures waking from their daytime slumbers,ready to prowl the night. Yet
other animals clawed for cover, knowing they would be prowled--all working
together as part of a greater whole.
If only were things that simple.
It used to be simple, he remembered. As a cub his father would point out
all the mysteries of the jungle, all the multitudes of color, scents and sounds.
He used to watch all the animals that he would one day command: Some of God's
creatures lived off the plants of the jungle, others off other animals. That was
the way. For generations the creatures of the jungle coexisted, and thrived.
But that had changed.
Bertram breathed an angry snort. Now, animals killed animals for sport, not
food. The young cubs and pups were rebelling, quitting their studies to roam
in violent packs. Older animals that couldn't handle the changes and began to
withdraw or take their own lives. Since when did animals take their own lives?
It used to be his people only feared fire. Now they fear each other.
For many years he had listened to the his most wise and leaned advisors.
Many things were tried, but nothing every changed for long. He continued
to watch as his kingdom collapsed.
Finally, the king shook off his brooding and with the weight of the world
on his shoulders, started back to his den. With one last look at the blood-red
horizon, he clutch at the hope that kept him going--hope that someone could stem
the degradation that seemed to grow stronger with each sinking sun.
I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
will be trashed unread.
For information about Scientology, email me directly or call (in the U.S.)
1-800-FOR-TRUTH.
Scientology is a trademark owned by Religious Technology Center and is used
with its permission. Scientologist is a collective membership mark designating
members of the affiliated churches and missions of Scientology.
I am not a spokesperson for the Church of Scientology. My opinions are
my own.
that hooten guy
: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
: will be trashed unread.
How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
Yeah, right.
-- Your friend.
Ricki
In article <3gnjl2$m...@gondor.sdsu.edu> hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu
>Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
Helluva qwestshun, hooten.
Maybe he's OT.
>-- Your friend.
And yours.
Rickie
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R Agent
Jack Molisani <j...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
>
>By request, here is the satire formatted less than 80 characters wide.
It's a lot closer, thanks for trying. Shave off another 5 characters
& I think you'll have it.
No comments on the rest of my post?
RA
ro...@ccs.neu.edu (Rogue Agent/KoX/ACT Kha Khan/ARS Entheta I/C)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The NSA is now funding research not only in cryptography, but in all areas
of advanced mathematics. If you'd like a circular describing these new
research opportunities, just pick up your phone, call your mother, and
ask for one.
Buz Cory
#-From: hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (that "hooten" guy)
#-Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
#-Subject: Re: Liontology satire reformatted
#-Date: 1 Feb 1995 09:18:26 GMT
#-Message-ID: <3gnjl2$m...@gondor.sdsu.edu>
#-References: <3gnbuq$7...@moon.earthlink.net>
#-Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
#-
#-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
#-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
#-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
#-: will be trashed unread.
#-
#-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
(which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
Sufficient answer?
#--- Your friend.
Not yet demonstrated.
==much love to all (including our attackers, why waste the time hating them?).
--buz :)
Buz Cory of NY, NY, USA <bu...@dorsai.org>
Dianetics Auditor
A Scientologist for 20 Years and proud of it.
Ricki
Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
>#-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
>#-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
>#-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
>#-: will be trashed unread.
hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (that "hooten" guy) wrote:
>#-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
bu...@dorsai.org (Buz Cory) writes:
>How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
>(which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
>leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
All that tracking of past posts sounds like an awful lot of work to me. Maybe
I *should* write those scorecards after all.
>So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
>Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
Communication? Sounds more like being permanently judgemental of certain
posters on the basis of past stated opinions to me.
"Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?"
>Sufficient answer?
>#--- Your friend.
>Not yet demonstrated.
!
A scientologist for 20 years, and you demand *demonstration*! :) You should
enjoy our scientific debates no end. Have you met Chris Schafmeister, our
resident biophysicist? He's doing fairly well in captivity, but isn't getting
enough raw data in his diet. :)
>==much love to all (including our attackers, why waste the time hating them?).
>--buz :)
We've outloved other CoS members before you, Mr. Cory :)
>Buz Cory of NY, NY, USA <bu...@dorsai.org>
>Dianetics Auditor
>A Scientologist for 20 Years and proud of it.
Rickie
A Human Being for over 20 Years and proud of it. :)
[With a tip o'the hat to maggie council]
R Agent
>hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (that "hooten" guy) wrote:
>#-Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
>#-
>#-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
>#-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
>#-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
>#-: will be trashed unread.
>#-
>#-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
>
>How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
>(which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
>leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
That's OK, I'll still take mail from anybody. Just don't send too
much :).
>So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
>Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
>
>Sufficient answer?
Yup, thanks.
I saw something in your header about Jack being the official ARS
Project Satirist, so I guess that rumor is confirmed. But what's your
post? We heard you were put in charge (I/C) of the Project after
Lee's somewhat lackluster performance, is this true?
Homer Wilson Smith
>==much love to all (including our attackers, why waste the time hating them?).
>--buz :)
Because you are too low tone to rise above Covert Hostility.
Homer
Expanded Scientologist and
Member of the Free Zone for 20 years and proud of it.
that hooten guy
: hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (that "hooten" guy) wrote:
: #-From: hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (that "hooten" guy)
: #-Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
: #-Subject: Re: Liontology satire reformatted
: #-Date: 1 Feb 1995 09:18:26 GMT
: #-Message-ID: <3gnjl2$m...@gondor.sdsu.edu>
: #-References: <3gnbuq$7...@moon.earthlink.net>
: #-Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
: #-
: #-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
: #-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
: #-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
: #-: will be trashed unread.
: #-
: #-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
: How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
: (which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
: leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
: So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
: Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
: Sufficient answer?
: #--- Your friend.
: Not yet demonstrated.
I am demonstrating right there above your unwarrented response.
: ==much love to all (including our attackers, why waste the time hating them?).
: --buz :)
Did I attack someone?
: Buz Cory of NY, NY, USA <bu...@dorsai.org>
: Dianetics Auditor
: A Scientologist for 20 Years and proud of it.
-- Your friend.
Rod Keller
>#-Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
>#-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
>#-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
>#-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
>#-: will be trashed unread.
>#-
>#-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
>
>How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
>(which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
>leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
>
>So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
>Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
>
>Sufficient answer?
It's funny how you answer, and Jack Molisani's voice comes out. And why
are you standing so close in back of him? Oh, I get it now. It's the
royal "we".
At last we meet the infamous Buz. Not very impressive, for an I/C, is he?
He can't even quote properly.
--
Rod Keller / rke...@nyx.cs.du.edu
Black Hat #1 / Meatball Target #1 / United Free Zone Alliance
Elron's Inspector / Kha Khan countdown: 9 to go
Merchant of Chaos / Reported to the RTC and OSA 5/4/94
William Barwell
>#-From: hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (that "hooten" guy)
>#-Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
>#-Subject: Re: Liontology satire reformatted
>#-Date: 1 Feb 1995 09:18:26 GMT
>#-Message-ID: <3gnjl2$m...@gondor.sdsu.edu>
>#-References: <3gnbuq$7...@moon.earthlink.net>
>
>#-Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
>#-
>#-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
>#-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
>#-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
>#-: will be trashed unread.
>#-
>#-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
>
>How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
>(which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
>leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
You mean like Co$, or Stupidology, or Dumbanetics, LRH's paranoid scam
religion, or Church of MAKE MONEY FAST!, or Shitology, or Scabology, or
Church of Scamology. Why I would never do that, myself. And Hooten
rarely bothers to either.
>
>So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
>Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
>
Usually I personally do all my stuff here in the open so I can have an
audience. It is much more fun that way.
E-mail is for wooses.
Warning, any chessy e-mail harrasment from CoS members will be publically
posted by myself so I can answer it where all can see.
Just thought I would mention that.
Standing policy, just note that.
Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope Of Houston
Slack!
Martin G. V. Hunt
> In article <D3Fos...@dorsai.org>, Buz Cory <bu...@dorsai.org> wrote:
>>#-Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
>>#-: I am a Scientologist because it *works*.
>>#-: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
>>#-: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
>>#-: will be trashed unread.
>>#-
>>#-How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
>>
>>How about we say that any mail from anyone known to be putting ugly posts
>>(which would include derogatory variations on "Scientology", "CoS", or any
>>leading name in Scientology) to ARS will be trashed unread.
>>
>>So also will any new mail from anyone who has sent ugly mail to any
>>Scientologist (after all, we do communicate, you know).
>>
>>Sufficient answer?
>
> are you standing so close in back of him? Oh, I get it now. It's the
> royal "we".
We have decided that no one may use the royal we on ars but us.
Anyone else caught using it will be soundly spanked.
ttyl,
--
Cogito, ergo sum. Martin Hunt, av...@freenet.carleton.ca
Curtis R. Anderson
~[most stuff decided to "blow"]
~Usually I personally do all my stuff here in the open so I can have an
~audience. It is much more fun that way.
~E-mail is for wooses.
What's a woose? Is that anything like a moose?
~Warning, any chessy e-mail harrasment from CoS members will be publically
~posted by myself so I can answer it where all can see.
~Just thought I would mention that.
~Standing policy, just note that.
I don't think I'd ever do that, but thanks for letting us know.
--
Curtis R. Anderson, ASCIT, State Univ of NY at Buffalo, Buffalo, NY 14260-1408
c...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu; "Opinions all mine!"; Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen"
Get PGP keys from any keyserver or mail me with subject "sendme keys"
Fingerprints at http://ubvm.cc.buffalo.edu/~cra/fingerpr.html or via finger
William Barwell
Martin G. V. Hunt <av...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA> wrote:
>In a previous posting, Rod Keller (rke...@nyx10.cs.du.edu) writes:
>> In article <D3Fos...@dorsai.org>, Buz Cory <bu...@dorsai.org> wrote:
>>>
>>>Sufficient answer?
>>
>> It's funny how you answer, and Jack Molisani's voice comes out. And why
>> are you standing so close in back of him? Oh, I get it now. It's the
>> royal "we".
>
>We have decided that no one may use the royal we on ars but us.
>
>Anyone else caught using it will be soundly spanked.
>
Anybody can use the 'we' as long as they are still infested with BTs.
Elizabeth McCoy
that "hooten" guy <hoo...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu> wrote:
>Jack Molisani (j...@earthlink.net) wrote:
[snip]
>: For back episodes of this satire, email me at j...@earthlink.net. All
>: polite responses will receive immediate attention. All ugly responses
>: will be trashed unread.
>
>How do you know it is ugly before you read it?
Hm.... I dunno -- the subject header containing, "You twit idiot
brainwashed Churchie" would be a clue. ;-)
Mark Adams
>>> It's funny how you answer, and Jack Molisani's voice comes out. And why
>>> are you standing so close in back of him? Oh, I get it now. It's the
>>> royal "we".
>>
>>We have decided that no one may use the royal we on ars but us.
>>
>>Anyone else caught using it will be soundly spanked.
>
>Anybody can use the 'we' as long as they are still infested with BTs.
As long as they have "guests", you mean? And yes, I've consciously
used 'we' to represent a multitude of beings in agreement while talking
with people who have no concept of BT's and probably wouldn't believe
in spirtual beings anyway.
Rarely am I challenged on just who 'we' is.