Urban Justice: Honestly!
Sailor Jim Johnston
his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
this customary table.
After taking a sip of his drink, his grin becomes a smile and he waves
the paper in the air. "Folx, this small piece of paper is my price
tag for a lesson in comparative economics, classic nautical fighting
maneuvers, courtesy, manners, and urban justice.
"I suspect y'all recall my post of last month, where I made a young
lady feel terrible about parking in the handicapped spot by pretense?
Well, I received enough negative feedback on that particular post
that, when the little red sports car pulled into the only handicapped
parking at the Burger King (with dozens of regular parking spaces
standing empty a mere ten feet away, I might add), I decided to handle
it more honestly and open.
"'Excuse me, Miss!' I called to her as she exited her vehicle, 'But
that's the only handicapped parking space here ... you really
shouldn't park in it, you know.'
"She replied by flipping me off and telling me to call the fucking
cops if I didn't like it. Then she flounced through the doors and
into the Burger King.
"Bemused, I considered my choices, doing my best to remember what
others had posted in reply to my last bout of urban justice ... and
finally realized that this was an excellent opportunity to reenact a
classical nautical battle maneuver from those days when sails and oars
were the only means of propulsion and cannon shot settled matters.
"Y'see, most naval vessels were either not equipped to fire forward,
or only had limited abilities in that direction. So every captain
strove, in battle conditions, to outmaneuver his opponent and 'cross
his T.' By bringing ones ship across the bow of your enemy, being the
cross bar to his upright, one had the chance to do some serious damage
with minimum risk of return fire.
"I looked the situation over and decided that this was the exact case
here; maximum damage with minimum risk.
"I pulled out of my parking space and, judging the distances involved,
reparked my truck close to an inch behind her rear bumper.
Lengthwise, with my passenger door just off of her left rear panel ...
forming a very pretty metal letter T. I headed back into the Burger
King, noticing in passing that her front tires were in contact with
the curb and grinned.
"I walked back in and called out to the gal behind the counter that I
had changed my mind and would eat in this morning. The sports car
gal, who had made it to the front of the line by then, sneered and
started to flip me off again ... then noticed the parking arrangement
behind me.
"'You fucking asshole!' She screamed at me, while walking towards the
doors. 'You can't fucking park there!'
"'No,' I quietly corrected, seating myself and taking out my
breakfast. 'You mean, "we" can't fucking park there, right?'
"'Damn it, you can't do this! It's illegal!'
"I grinned and swallowed sausage and egg before replying, 'Really?
Wait a minute ... how did you put it?' After thinking for a moment, I
snapped my fingers. 'Now I remember!' I carefully flipped her off
and told her to call the fucking cops if she didn't like it.
"Which, if you can believe it, she did! She actually went up to the
counter and demanded they call the cops. When she did, I got up and
walked over. She screamed that now she had me ... and I ordered
another breakfast sandwich.
"The patrol car showed up around twenty, twenty-five minutes later,
while I was sipping at a really bad cup of coffee (Starbucks has
nothing to worry about from Burger King coffee). The sports car gal
had been getting louder and louder, complaining over and over again
about how she was going to be late for class and what an asshole I was
and how she was going to sue Burger King for not forcing me to move
and ... the policeman walked in and interrupted her diatripe
(misspelling intentional), asking who's truck and sports car these
were?
"Sports car gal ran up to the policeman and demanded that I be
ticketed, towed, arrested, and shot. I walked up behind her and told
him that I was the pickup, while the loud lady was the sports car.
"While she gloated, he wrote me this here ticket. It's for parking
illegally in a public area and will cost me fifty bucks to pay off.
She taunted me while he explained what the ticket meant, telling me I
was a total loser and a real idiot for waiting around until the
fucking cop showed up, and that this would teach me for fucking with
innocent women, and that ...
"She ran down when she started to write out *her* ticket ... for
parking illegally in a handicapped space ... second offense (he'd
called in both our license numbers before coming in).
"Five hundred bucks." SJ grins around a sip of cognac and Diet Coke.
"O, the noises that came from that gal! I honestly thought she was
about to have a stroke. She started to argue and plead, but what
could she say? While she was sputtering, I tapped her on the shoulder
and, when she turned, explained that I had waited around for the
police because it was the only way to ensure that *she'd* still be
there when they finally showed up.
"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
minute and dollar."
SJ
Gene Szedenits, Jr.
"Sailor Jim Johnston" <sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:39b8d2c3.01091...@posting.google.com...
[snip tale of self sacrifice]
<Applause> Bravo, SJ! Bravo!
Gene
Ben Addleman
"Sailor Jim Johnston" <sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:39b8d2c3.01091...@posting.google.com...
> his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
> this customary table.
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
Sailor, in the increasingly-unlikely eventuality of you ever having to buy
yourself a drink in this place ever again-let me get it. That was priceless.
Ben Addleman
John Vinson
Johnston) wrote:
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
"SJ, you're great. Anybody else want to join me in making this
investment in education less of a burden on our favorite Coastie? I'm
certainly good for 10% of your cost, Jim."
"I just hope this twerp actually *learned* something..."
John the Wysard jvinson *at* WysardOfInfo *dot* com
Quinn Inuit
Earth to proclaim:
{great story snipped}
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
That was extremely impressive. I salute you. BYNO?
-Q.I.
--
Someone asked: "What about a person who is always present?"
The Master said: "He met me just now and has gone out."
"What about a person who is never present?" he asked.
The Master said: "It is difficult to find such a person."
D.A.
news:9ateqtc0rnd5fb092...@4ax.com...
Give me an address... I am good for ten percent... just wish I could have
seen her face...
--
D.A.
cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war - Shakespeare
Sea Wasp
(snip)
JUSTICE IS SERVED!
(anyone else know the reference? ;) )
--
Sea Wasp http://www.wizvax.net/seawasp/index.htm
/^\
;;; _Morgantown: The Jason Wood Chronicles_, at
http://www.hyperbooks.com/catalog/20040.html
Jette Goldie
> parking illegally in a handicapped space ... second offense (he'd
> called in both our license numbers before coming in).
>
> "Five hundred bucks." SJ grins around a sip of cognac and Diet Coke.
> "O, the noises that came from that gal! I honestly thought she was
> about to have a stroke. She started to argue and plead, but what
> could she say? While she was sputtering, I tapped her on the shoulder
> and, when she turned, explained that I had waited around for the
> police because it was the only way to ensure that *she'd* still be
> there when they finally showed up.
>
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
Well done, Jim!
(hey, maybe we should have a collection for SJ's ticket?)
--
Jette
Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever!
je...@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/fanfic.html
Warren Senders
<mostly snipped but I couldn't bear to cut it all out>
>"She ran down when she started to write out *her* ticket ... for
>parking illegally in a handicapped space ... second offense (he'd
>called in both our license numbers before coming in).
>
>"Five hundred bucks." SJ grins around a sip of cognac and Diet Coke.
>"O, the noises that came from that gal! I honestly thought she was
>about to have a stroke. She started to argue and plead, but what
>could she say? While she was sputtering, I tapped her on the shoulder
>and, when she turned, explained that I had waited around for the
>police because it was the only way to ensure that *she'd* still be
>there when they finally showed up.
>
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
Brilliantly conceived and executed! And with a fabulous
neologism tucked into the telling, it's a story that made
me happy in many ways at once. As we say in India,
"Wah! Kya baat hai!" (Literally: "Oooooh! What a great
thing!")
John Vinson:
>Anybody else want to join me in making this investment
>in education less of a burden on our favorite Coastie? I'm
>certainly good for 10% of your cost, Jim.
I'll be happy to contribute my tithe. More power to the Sailor!
Warren
Ziactrice
SJ, I think you should write that one up and see if a newspaper or
magazine would buy it.
I also think that Stories of a SailorJim are already in circulation
amongst the police force, and you might very well acquire a rep.
A good one, I mean
Still chuckling,
Ziactrice
Ric Brandt
I'll pick up that sailors tab tonight........
--
Chobe wan Micanopy, Professor Emeritus
Lefty Stumps Alligator Wrestling Academy
"Sailor Jim Johnston" <sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:39b8d2c3.01091...@posting.google.com...
Ric Brandt
my 10%.
--
Chobe wan Micanopy, Professor Emeritus
Lefty Stumps Alligator Wrestling Academy
"John Vinson" <jvinson@STOP_SPAM.WysardOfInfo.com> wrote in message
news:9ateqtc0rnd5fb092...@4ax.com...
Kris Overstreet
Johnston) wrote:
<snip>
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
You've paid the ticket already?
I hope not; you ought to hold out for a court date, if you can afford
to, just so you can tell all of this to the judge. }:-{D
Redneck (Hizzoner might even let you off... stranger things have
happened)
Traveler Farlander
Sailor Jim Johnston wrote:
>
> "She replied by flipping me off and telling me to call the fucking
> cops if I didn't like it. Then she flounced through the doors and
> into the Burger King.
>
> "'You fucking asshole!' She screamed at me, while walking towards the
> doors. 'You can't fucking park there!'
This is not a woman with a good grasp of reality.
> "'Damn it, you can't do this! It's illegal!'
I repeat...
> "She ran down when she started to write out *her* ticket ... for
> parking illegally in a handicapped space ... second offense (he'd
> called in both our license numbers before coming in).
Can ANYONE explain to me how she didn't see this part coming?
> "Five hundred bucks." SJ grins around a sip of cognac and Diet Coke.
WOW!
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
Jim, you are a hero of wit and style. :)
Trav, who crashes a glass in the fireplace in your honor
Gene Szedenits, Jr.
"Kris Overstreet" <red...@detnet.com> wrote in message
news:2v5fqt07neme77vb7...@4ax.com...
Hey, that's right! You weren't parked illegally. You were
performing a citizen's arrest.
Gene
Werehatrack
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
SJ, take that one to court, and ask for a jury trial. Take a lawyer.
I have a funny feeling that you'll get a verdict of "not guilty" when
the whole thing comes out.
If not, I'll spot you the 50.
Spamblocked address; remove snowfromdriveway if replying.
Mike Starr
Mike
--
Mike Starr WriteStarr Information Services
Technical Writer - Online Help Developer - Technical Illustrator
Graphic Designer - Desktop Publisher - MS Office Expert
Office: (262) 697-6333 - Pager: (414) 318-9509 - Fax: (262) 697-6334
Home (262) 694-1028 - mi...@writestarr.com - http://www.writestarr.com
Peter Eng
----------
In article <3BA781...@wizvax.net>, Sea Wasp <sea...@wizvax.net> wrote:
> Sailor Jim Johnston wrote:
>
> (snip)
>
> JUSTICE IS SERVED!
>
> (anyone else know the reference? ;) )
>
Two possibilities come to mind:
From Marvel Comics, that would be the Scourge of the Underworld.
Or, from a superheroes game a while back, that would be The Waiter, who was
the butler/housekeeper for the heroes in question. He had a bad habit of
saying that every time he put the dinner on the table.
Peter Eng
John Beaty
Werehatrack <ra...@argoSnowFromDrivewaylink.net> wrote:
Yogi pulls out a 20 and a 5 and places them next Werehatracks' wallet.
John Vinson
<jvinson@STOP_SPAM.WysardOfInfo.com> wrote:
>On 18 Sep 2001 07:18:33 -0700, sailo...@my-deja.com (Sailor Jim
>Johnston) wrote:
>
>>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>>minute and dollar."
>
>"SJ, you're great. Anybody else want to join me in making this
>investment in education less of a burden on our favorite Coastie? I'm
>certainly good for 10% of your cost, Jim."
Following up to my own post but...
With your permission, of course, Jim. If you're willing EMail me your
mailing address. If you're comfortable with absorbing the cost
yourself, more power to you.
Given Jim's approval, I'll be glad to send my own snailmail address to
anyone who'll contribute - only the first $50 will be accepted, the
rest returned.
<p&e>
Lee S. Billings
sailo...@my-deja.com says...
>"Sports car gal ran up to the policeman and demanded that I be
>ticketed, towed, arrested, and shot. I walked up behind her and told
>him that I was the pickup, while the loud lady was the sports car.
>
>"While she gloated, he wrote me this here ticket. It's for parking
>illegally in a public area and will cost me fifty bucks to pay off.
>She taunted me while he explained what the ticket meant, telling me I
>was a total loser and a real idiot for waiting around until the
>fucking cop showed up, and that this would teach me for fucking with
>innocent women, and that ...
>
>"She ran down when she started to write out *her* ticket ... for
>parking illegally in a handicapped space ... second offense (he'd
>called in both our license numbers before coming in).
>
>"Five hundred bucks." SJ grins around a sip of cognac and Diet Coke.
>"O, the noises that came from that gal! I honestly thought she was
>about to have a stroke. She started to argue and plead, but what
>could she say? While she was sputtering, I tapped her on the shoulder
>and, when she turned, explained that I had waited around for the
>police because it was the only way to ensure that *she'd* still be
>there when they finally showed up.
>
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
Well played! And I'll contribute toward the cost of that ticket, if you can't
get it dismissed by telling the story in court.
Celine
--
"Only the powers of evil claim that doing good is boring."
-- Diane Duane, _Nightfall at Algemron_
Seanette Blaylock
things to say about Urban Justice: Honestly!:
I don't usually top-post, but I want to leave the story for those who
might not have seen the original.
Bravo!!!! BOYC?
--
Seanette Blaylock
"You attribute perfect rationality to the whole of humanity, which has
to be one of the most misguided assumptions ever." - Alan Krueger in NANAE
[make obvious correction to address to send e-mail]
j.w.
Sailor Jim Johnston wrote:
>
<snippety-snip-snip>
>
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
j.w. gazes at SJ in awe.
"Don't take this the wrong way (it's probably stress and fatigue
talking) but I think I love you. That was _magnificent_!
j.w. (who no doubt will return to her usual slightly bemused affection
for SJ after a good night's sleep :-) )
Jim Johnston
much) and, to the offer many are making to subsidize his fine, raises
both hands.
"Hold up, people ... my fun = my fee. Besides, I have every intention
of actually taking this one into court. I think I just might have every
opportunity to get off with just a warning ... but would still do it,
even if it was guaranteed that I'd still have to pay the full ticket and
court costs, too!
"Y'see, this is a chance to have one of my little stories actually
entered into court records ... how the hell can I pass up the
opportunity?!"
SJ
"(But, from the bottom of my boots, thanks for the offers.)"
Hoagy
That had to have been the best laugh I've had this whole sorry week.
Jim....I don't know if I'll ever get to meet you, but if I do, I want to
shake your hand AND buy you a night's worth of drinks.
Oh, BTW....you got yourself a pair of big brass ones. You know what I mean.
Hoagy
--
"It's like I've always said: You can get more with a kind word and a
two-by-four than you can with just a kind word."
-Marcus Cole
Reana Blade
Sailor Jim Johnston wrote:
> Sailor Jim walks in, a yellow piece of paper in his hand and a grin on
> his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
> this customary table.
>
<snip>
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
>
> SJ
>
Excellent solution! Very neatly done. Congrats.
Reana
M Blaze Miskulin
> "Y'see, this is a chance to have one of my little stories actually
> entered into court records ... how the hell can I pass up the
> opportunity?!"
Well..... That's *one* way to get published. :)
Oh, and Jim? You are an evil genious. My respect and admiration for
you has increased geometrially.
--
M Blaze Miskulin
Winterborne Scenic Studios
http://www.winterborne-ss.com
------------
© MBM
MarcKyle64
there. My beautiful wife (I keep telling her she looks like Liv Tyler, she
steadfastedly refuses to believe me) has cerebral palsy. She uses a wheelchair
when we're out, it's much more convenient and much less tiring than crutches.
I simply park in a regular spot and unpack her chair from my trunk and put it
together, it's not much effort and takes maybe 30-45 seconds to get the chair
around to her door.
I haven't the finances or time to deal with people who abuse disabled parking
in Sailor Jim's manner, but I have been know to put a 'ticket' under the
windshield wiper explaining the rules and asking for courtesy in the future, I
used up a whole pad of them (they look just like tickets and even have little
boxes you check and so on) in in a year...people don't care....I have, however,
been with a disabled friend who drove a van with a wheelchair lift that folded
upwards pull up just besides a malefactor and bash the side of the car with the
liftt!!
That was a great story, BOYC?
My favorite lines from"WKRP"
"They're hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!"
"For those of you just tuning in, the Pinedale shopping mall has just been
bombed with live turkeys! Film at 11"
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"
Seanette Blaylock
to say about Re: Urban Justice: Honestly!:
I truly admire your style.
Joseph M Gordon
: "John Vinson" <jvinson@STOP_SPAM.WysardOfInfo.com> wrote in message
: news:9ateqtc0rnd5fb092...@4ax.com...
: D.A.
I agree with the sentiment, but... can you imagine robbing SJ of the
priceless opportunity to say he paid every last penny of that fine
gladly? OTOH, SJ, if we ever meet in person, your breakfast sandwich is
ON ME!
Cheers and applause both to you, for courageous and socially responsible
action in the face of outrageous provocation.
Joe G.
--
Numbers do not lie, but they have the propensity to tell the truth with
intent to deceive. -Eric Temple Bell, _Numerology_
dagmar hansbauer
sail...@BellSouth.Net wrote on 9/18/01 7:31 PM:
that was great !!! :-) I hope she learned...finally
Sparrow
BOYC?
John Vinson
<sail...@BellSouth.Net> wrote:
>"Hold up, people ... my fun = my fee. Besides, I have every intention
>of actually taking this one into court. I think I just might have every
>opportunity to get off with just a warning ... but would still do it,
>even if it was guaranteed that I'd still have to pay the full ticket and
>court costs, too!
>
>"Y'see, this is a chance to have one of my little stories actually
>entered into court records ... how the hell can I pass up the
>opportunity?!"
The Wysard bows formally to SJ. "Good on ya, mate. And I'd love to see
a copy of the court transcript. Just hope that you and the twit can
somehow have your cases heard together..."
"Since you (quite reasonably) decline an offer of RL cash, may I
instead use a virtual dollar to buy you a Beverage?"
SCA Wench
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
Mike, the man's money's no good here tonight!
Jean
Merlin
Jim, can I buy in to a piece of that ticket? It'll be worth it.
Merlin
>On 18 Sep 2001 07:18:33 -0700, sailo...@my-deja.com (Sailor Jim
>Johnston) wrote:
>
>>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>>minute and dollar."
>
>"SJ, you're great. Anybody else want to join me in making this
>investment in education less of a burden on our favorite Coastie? I'm
>certainly good for 10% of your cost, Jim."
>
>"I just hope this twerp actually *learned* something..."
>
Jai Rose
>
><Long and Respectful Snippage>
Way to Go! Jim for President!!!!!
Jai
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh it off." Erma Bombeck
MythicFox
Jim, I think a while back I declared you an Honorary Kitsune for your way of
handling situations like this... well, you can think of this as a renewing of
that title...
Hey Mike, any idea on how long it's been since Jim has had to pay for his own
drinks here? Not that I'm complaining, of course...
--------------------
"MythicFox", of Yiffnet, FurryMUCK, Taps, SPR, and alt.callahans.
"If I end up like my parents, I'll either wind up an alcoholic blond chasing 20
year old boys... or I'll end up like my mom."
ICQ# 59987211
c.c.sb...@07.killspam.us.com
: Sailor Jim walks in, a yellow piece of paper in his hand and a grin on
: his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
: this customary table.
[snip]
: "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
: arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
: minute and dollar."
{{{{SJ}}}} If I had the $50, I'd send it to you.
Ravan
--
Ravan Asteris rasteris / at \ rahul / dot \ net
(squish "/ and \" to make symbols like "&")
http://www.rahul.net/rasteris/
hy...@jippii.fi
>Sailor Jim walks in, a yellow piece of paper in his hand and a grin on
>his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
>this customary table.
>
snip snippety snip
>
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
>
>SJ
RUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
-------CRASH--------
Mika
SCA Wench
> Way to Go! Jim for President!!!!!
KWEEL!
I'll second that! How about it Sailor?
Jean
Paul R.
> <snip of the act of an incredible human being>
>
> That had to have been the best laugh I've had this whole sorry week.
>
> Jim....I don't know if I'll ever get to meet you, but if I do, I want to
> shake your hand AND buy you a night's worth of drinks.
>
> Oh, BTW....you got yourself a pair of big brass ones. You know what I
mean.
I agree with Hoagy. That was a great story Jim, and I'd love to shake your
hand and buy you a drink.
Paul R.
Martin Julian DeMello
<snip>
LOL! Now that's what I call Style :)
--
Martin DeMello/zem
katn...@aol.comsilly
<39b8d2c3.01091...@posting.google.com>,
sailo...@my-deja.com (Sailor Jim Johnston) wrote:
> While she was sputtering, I tapped her on the shoulder
> and, when she turned, explained that I had waited around for the
> police because it was the only way to ensure that *she'd* still be
> there when they finally showed up.
Sneaky Furfoot fingers...erm...paws her blue and white tag.
"Yesterday, I had to park in a company's overflow lot and
cross a busy road in the pouring rain because another
interviewee had parked his large fancy car at an angle
across the two handicapped spots by the front door. I
didn't have the presence of mind to do what you did
(although I'm filing it away for future reference
<snicker>), but I did call the police on my cell phone while
I was waiting my turn.
"They responded quickly, wrote out the ticket, and then came
into the office and insisted that the receptionist locate
the owner of the car. In front of the HR honcho and a
company VP, they gave him a short lecture about this
particular law and how rotten he was to break it."
The lilac-point pseudofeline sets the tag down on the bar
next to her cane.
"Thank you, sir. Thank you *very* much! BOYC?"
--
Sneaky Furfoot katn...@aol.comsilly
remove foolishness to reply
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katn...@aol.comsilly
> Anybody else want to join me in making this
> investment in education less of a burden on our favorite Coastie? I'm
> certainly good for 10% of your cost, Jim."
>
> "I just hope this twerp actually *learned* something..."
With an emphatic whisker-twitch, Sneaky responds
"Count me in. I'll pick up another 10%. Just tell me where
to send the check."
Jim Johnston
Sailor Jim considers it for a moment, weighing the pros and cons ..
"Well ... it certainly is tempting. It certainly would beat working ...
and Air Force One is just too cool for words (anyone else see the PBS
special on it?) ... but, when all is said and done, is the presidency
really the position for a real gentleman?"
SJ
"(Oooh .. waitaminute! Could I choose my own interns, or did Clinton
ruin it for everyone?)"
Lissa McCollum
> > > Way to Go! Jim for President!!!!!
>
>
> "Well ... it certainly is tempting. It certainly would beat working ...
> and Air Force One is just too cool for words (anyone else see the PBS
> special on it?) ... but, when all is said and done, is the presidency
> really the position for a real gentleman?"
>
> SJ
>
> "(Oooh .. waitaminute! Could I choose my own interns, or did Clinton
> ruin it for everyone?)"
Lissa shrugs on her GoodWench jacket. "Interns? I could
use something to keep me appropriately occupied..."
Lissa
Ace Lightning
>"I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
>arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
>minute and dollar."
*****CRASH!!!*****
virtualbabe
one day in Callahan's:
>"Yesterday, I had to park in a company's overflow lot and
>cross a busy road in the pouring rain because another
>interviewee had parked his large fancy car at an angle
>across the two handicapped spots by the front door. I
>didn't have the presence of mind to do what you did
>(although I'm filing it away for future reference
><snicker>), but I did call the police on my cell phone while
>I was waiting my turn.
>
>"They responded quickly, wrote out the ticket, and then came
>into the office and insisted that the receptionist locate
>the owner of the car. In front of the HR honcho and a
>company VP, they gave him a short lecture about this
>particular law and how rotten he was to break it."
>
So did the other guy get the job???
(I don't think so) <WEG>
--
Debbie
(thump thump thump squish)
O son of a b-b-b-b
son of a b-b-b-b
son of a b-b-b-b
son of a gun!
(heheheh, and I bet you thought I was gonna say s-son of a b-bitch
didn't you)
P.Pig
Jiri Baum
> This is not a woman with a good grasp of reality.
[and, further down]
> Can ANYONE explain to me how she didn't see this part coming?
"I think you answer yourself above, there..."
Jiri
--
Jiri Baum <ji...@baum.com.au>
http://www.csse.monash.edu.au/~jirib
visit the MAT LinuxPLC project at http://mat.sf.net
Cynthia Ross
"Sailor Jim Johnston" <sailo...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:39b8d2c3.01091...@posting.google.com...
> Sailor Jim walks in, a yellow piece of paper in his hand and a grin on
> his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
> this customary table.
>
> the paper in the air. "Folx, this small piece of paper is my price
> tag for a lesson in comparative economics, classic nautical fighting
> maneuvers, courtesy, manners, and urban justice.
>
> "I suspect y'all recall my post of last month, where I made a young
> lady feel terrible about parking in the handicapped spot by pretense?
> Well, I received enough negative feedback on that particular post
> that, when the little red sports car pulled into the only handicapped
> parking at the Burger King (with dozens of regular parking spaces
> standing empty a mere ten feet away, I might add), I decided to handle
> it more honestly and open.
>
> "'Excuse me, Miss!' I called to her as she exited her vehicle, 'But
> that's the only handicapped parking space here ... you really
> shouldn't park in it, you know.'
>
> "She replied by flipping me off and telling me to call the fucking
> cops if I didn't like it. Then she flounced through the doors and
> into the Burger King.
>
> "Bemused, I considered my choices, doing my best to remember what
> others had posted in reply to my last bout of urban justice ... and
> finally realized that this was an excellent opportunity to reenact a
> classical nautical battle maneuver from those days when sails and oars
> were the only means of propulsion and cannon shot settled matters.
>
> "Y'see, most naval vessels were either not equipped to fire forward,
> or only had limited abilities in that direction. So every captain
> strove, in battle conditions, to outmaneuver his opponent and 'cross
> his T.' By bringing ones ship across the bow of your enemy, being the
> cross bar to his upright, one had the chance to do some serious damage
> with minimum risk of return fire.
>
> "I looked the situation over and decided that this was the exact case
> here; maximum damage with minimum risk.
>
> "I pulled out of my parking space and, judging the distances involved,
> reparked my truck close to an inch behind her rear bumper.
> Lengthwise, with my passenger door just off of her left rear panel ...
> forming a very pretty metal letter T. I headed back into the Burger
> King, noticing in passing that her front tires were in contact with
> the curb and grinned.
>
> "I walked back in and called out to the gal behind the counter that I
> had changed my mind and would eat in this morning. The sports car
> gal, who had made it to the front of the line by then, sneered and
> started to flip me off again ... then noticed the parking arrangement
> behind me.
>
> "'You fucking asshole!' She screamed at me, while walking towards the
> doors. 'You can't fucking park there!'
>
> "'No,' I quietly corrected, seating myself and taking out my
> breakfast. 'You mean, "we" can't fucking park there, right?'
>
> "'Damn it, you can't do this! It's illegal!'
>
> "I grinned and swallowed sausage and egg before replying, 'Really?
> Wait a minute ... how did you put it?' After thinking for a moment, I
> snapped my fingers. 'Now I remember!' I carefully flipped her off
> and told her to call the fucking cops if she didn't like it.
>
> "Which, if you can believe it, she did! She actually went up to the
> counter and demanded they call the cops. When she did, I got up and
> walked over. She screamed that now she had me ... and I ordered
> another breakfast sandwich.
>
> "The patrol car showed up around twenty, twenty-five minutes later,
> while I was sipping at a really bad cup of coffee (Starbucks has
> nothing to worry about from Burger King coffee). The sports car gal
> had been getting louder and louder, complaining over and over again
> about how she was going to be late for class and what an asshole I was
> and how she was going to sue Burger King for not forcing me to move
> and ... the policeman walked in and interrupted her diatripe
> (misspelling intentional), asking who's truck and sports car these
> were?
>
> "Sports car gal ran up to the policeman and demanded that I be
> ticketed, towed, arrested, and shot. I walked up behind her and told
> him that I was the pickup, while the loud lady was the sports car.
>
> "While she gloated, he wrote me this here ticket. It's for parking
> illegally in a public area and will cost me fifty bucks to pay off.
> She taunted me while he explained what the ticket meant, telling me I
> was a total loser and a real idiot for waiting around until the
> fucking cop showed up, and that this would teach me for fucking with
> innocent women, and that ...
>
> "She ran down when she started to write out *her* ticket ... for
> parking illegally in a handicapped space ... second offense (he'd
> called in both our license numbers before coming in).
>
> "Five hundred bucks." SJ grins around a sip of cognac and Diet Coke.
> "O, the noises that came from that gal! I honestly thought she was
> about to have a stroke. She started to argue and plead, but what
> could she say? While she was sputtering, I tapped her on the shoulder
> and, when she turned, explained that I had waited around for the
> police because it was the only way to ensure that *she'd* still be
> there when they finally showed up.
>
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
>
*****APPLAUSE!******
Yer next one is on me!
Cindy R
katn...@aol.comsilly
wrote:
> So did the other guy get the job???
>
> (I don't think so) <WEG>
<heh, heh>
No, he didn't.
Unfortunately, I didn't either.
Ben Addleman
"Cynthia Ross" <Cynth...@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
news:J5xq7.3509$W8.3...@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
>
> *****APPLAUSE!******
>
> Yer next one is on me!
> Cindy R
<shaking head sorrowfully>
Oh, Cynthia, I'm so sorry about this, but there isn't much I can do....
<as a large glass of good cognac mixed with-shudder-diet Coke levitates off
the table, perches over Cynthia's head, and neatly upends itself with a
SPLOOSH>
His next one was indeed on you. Used to happen a little more frequently in
here, but lately some folks have managed to get away clean (and dry).
May I offer you this fluffy towel, and then may I buy you a drink?
Ben Addleman
maenad
> "I told the officer to have a nice day and took off for work. I
> arrived an hour late and fifty bucks poorer, but it was worth every
> minute and dollar."
*swoon* "Mah HEE-ro!" maenad trills. "BOYC?"
maenad :)
--
Cry "CHEEBLE!" and let slip the hamsters of war.
-------------------> maenad <at> vex <dot> net <-------------------
EHursh
> sailo...@my-deja.com (Sailor Jim Johnston) wrote in message news:<39b8d2c3.01091...@posting.google.com>...
> > Sailor Jim walks in, a yellow piece of paper in his hand and a grin on
> > his face. He walks up to the bar, collects his usual and settles into
> > this customary table.
> >
> You've all undoubtedly read the rest of this gem among jewels of a
> story. I had such vicarious thrills while reading. I laughed, I
> cried; it became a part of me.
>
> Actually, I've longed to the same thing, but never had the nerve. I
> severely injured my knee recently and am pretty well disabled while
> waiting for reconstructive surgery (meniscal transplant and ACL
> repair). I'm too young for a knee replacement. Anyway, my doctor
> filled out the form for me to get a temporary HDCP placard, which I
> did. I now notice all sorts of folks who have either a placard, or a
> plate who either are total frauds, are not the person for whom it was
> issued or have a "hidden handicap" like a heart condition, but boy a
> lot of these folks look perfectly healthy to me.
>
> Recently I was at a baseball game and we parked in the handicapped
> spot. What a benefit. The guy two spots away gets out and limps
> toward the stadium. Anyway, he's wearing a jersey of the visiting
> team and has a mop of hair so he was easy to spot later when I was
> going to the bathroom. Well, folks, he was running like he'd stolen
> something. I muttered as he passed, "Not too disabled I see," but I
> am afraid I was so wimpily soft spoken that he didn't hear. Where's a
> sailor when you need one.
<Playing devil's advocate for now> I limp sometimes (to the point
that I *need* my cane), but other times - sometimes on the same day
that I've previously been limping, even as short a time as a few
hours before - I don't. I even run occasionally (mostly when I'm in a
hurry to get to the bus stop or across the street before the light changes),
but my body sure lets me know just how unhappy it is. Sometimes it's
instant feedback, while I'm doing the running, and sometimes I wake up
the next morning - after overdoing it the previous day - barely able to
move. I also *look* completely healthy (even down to the "nice rosy
cheeks" of my lupus rash - when it gets *really* bad, my arms look
like a makeup team from a Star Trek production have been practicing
on me).
> So, what do y'all think? Forgetting the folks who steal the spaces
> without placard or plate, is it too easy to get a those priviledges?
> Around here it seems every third car has one and about 50% of the time
> I get shut out (98% at Costco which has 10 spaces).
I'm not sure what the requirements are for a card or plate (I'm
sure it varies from state to state), since I don't drive (will be trading in
my driver's license for a state ID, once it expires in May... it's been at
least 6 years since I was behind the wheel of a car, and not too many
people - including me - think it's a good idea for me to do so ever again).
I did have a temporary card at one point for my parents' car, when I was
still living with them... even if I felt perfectly fine when we went in
somewhere, there was no guarantee that I'd *still* be feeling fine by the
time we left (although I tried not to occupy a handicapped spot
if I did happen to feel relatively okay).
--
Ellen K. Hursh
"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair.
Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and
all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually
deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility
and unfairness of the universe." --Marcus Cole
* * *
This post has been paid for in part by Anubis Markets, a division
of Osiris Foods. So shop at the sign of the jackal-headed man for
food so good, you can eat it.
Kat & Kent
>
> You've all undoubtedly read the rest of this gem among jewels of a
> story. I had such vicarious thrills while reading. I laughed, I
> cried; it became a part of me.
>
> Actually, I've longed to the same thing, but never had the nerve. I
> severely injured my knee recently and am pretty well disabled while
> waiting for reconstructive surgery (meniscal transplant and ACL
> repair). I'm too young for a knee replacement. Anyway, my doctor
> filled out the form for me to get a temporary HDCP placard, which I
> did. I now notice all sorts of folks who have either a placard, or a
> plate who either are total frauds, are not the person for whom it was
> issued or have a "hidden handicap" like a heart condition, but boy a
> lot of these folks look perfectly healthy to me.
Kat does a LOT of deep breathing... "First of all, I'm considered too
young for knee replacement myself... pity, the synvisc injections this
summer have helped but the FDA has only approved them for use once...
which bites... second... just HOW do you tell they are frauds? or not
the person for whom tag was issued? or have a hidden handicap?
1) am I a fraud? since the synvisc injections I can even run
occasionally, without screaming even... I've even managed to be
occasionally jaunty... otoh I haven't had a pain free day in FOURTEEN
YEARS... <twitch twitch> I don't do stairs... if I do, then the pain is
worse... if I do too much... I can't *walk* the next day... literally,
but you won't see *that* because I'll be home in bed... otth I've had
people give me funny looks for using my blue tag even when I was using
my cane... and one jerk thought I should have one since I was capable of
going around & getting my *wheelchair* out of the trunk <twitch twitch>
2) not the person for whom it's issued? I used to drive my
grandmother's car... I've been accused of using *her* placard... my
response, "Uh, gee, my grandmother doesn't *have* one... she's not as
handicapped as I am"... again, how do you *know*? you can't tell by
looking
3) hidden handicap? more of those then you think... I can think of two
people I know offhand who do NOT have placards who SHOULD... they would
be a LOT healthier if they didn't do so much walking in parking lots...
heart conditions, blood conditions, pain conditions... those of us in
chronic pain get Real Good at hiding it... otherwise we'd kill more
people who bug us (me, I just wish my knee pain on 'em for an hour)
> Recently I was at a baseball game and we parked in the handicapped
> spot. What a benefit. The guy two spots away gets out and limps
> toward the stadium. Anyway, he's wearing a jersey of the visiting
> team and has a mop of hair so he was easy to spot later when I was
> going to the bathroom. Well, folks, he was running like he'd stolen
> something. I muttered as he passed, "Not too disabled I see," but I
> am afraid I was so wimpily soft spoken that he didn't hear. Where's a
> sailor when you need one.
Kat sighs, "I'm not trying to be hard on you... and I *can* understand
why you would think that... otoh I *can* think of a reason why it might
be... first, he may have been limping on the way in because he's just
been driving or riding in a car... if you've got a knee problem then you
have probably experienced the difference in pain levels between being
forced to keep your leg in 'relatively' one position and being able to
move it around freely... second, he may have been running because
someone called his cell phone with an emergency and if he has the kind
of pain I have, he'll be Paying For It Later... just some thoughts
> So, what do y'all think? Forgetting the folks who steal the spaces
> without placard or plate, is it too easy to get a those priviledges?
> Around here it seems every third car has one and about 50% of the time
> I get shut out (98% at Costco which has 10 spaces).
"In Tennessee you have to have a physician sign off *with* an
explanation of *why* the handicapped status for parking is appropriate &
how long it will last... these ARE reviewed every so often... mine reads
'degenerative joint disease... both knees'... "
Kat