Techniques that have helped?
Dawn Molina
with your shyness or the effect there of?.....How about what sort of things
have OTHERS done that has also helped you (and/or them) deal with it?.......
William L. Parker
Dawn Molina wrote:
Some things that I have found helpful are:
1) Reading this newsgroup:) Lurk here for 4-5 years, and you can't help but see
some things a little differently:)
2) Getting away from my parents. I would recommend anyone who has any sort of
self-confidence to do what ever they can to become totally self sufficient.
3) I have been *much* happier since I graduated from university. All of that
constant evaluation and competition was not something I enjoyed, even though I
really like learning.
4) Getting into hobbies. For me it's been weight training, karate, singing,
game programming, etc.. I think it's important to do things because you enjoy
them, and not just to meet women, or whatever.
5) A big step for me was realizing that I could be perfectly happy for the rest
of my life without a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend now, and I think that this
attitude helped me out quite a bit.
6) A very important thing that I learned here is that things don't just
happen. (Well, even if they sometimes do, it's not a very useful attitude to
have). If you want something to be different, you are going to have to do
something about it.
William
Dr. Art
"William L. Parker" <wloc...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> 4) Getting into hobbies. For me it's been weight training, karate,
singing,
> game programming, etc..
I'm curious. Game programming as a hobby?! What kind of games do you
write? Single-handedly or in a team?
Art (Quake 2 fan)
> I think it's important to do things because you enjoy
> them, and not just to meet women, or whatever.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Dawn Molina
William L. Parker <wloc...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:38453E3C...@hotmail.com...
>
>
> Dawn Molina wrote:
>
> > What techniques have some of you used that you have found success in
dealing
> > with your shyness or the effect there of?.....How about what sort of
things
> > have OTHERS done that has also helped you (and/or them) deal with
it?.......
>
> Some things that I have found helpful are:
> 1) Reading this newsgroup:) Lurk here for 4-5 years, and you can't help
but see
> some things a little differently:)
> 2) Getting away from my parents. I would recommend anyone who has any
sort of
> self-confidence to do what ever they can to become totally self
sufficient.
> 3) I have been *much* happier since I graduated from university. All of
that
> constant evaluation and competition was not something I enjoyed, even
though I
> really like learning.
> 4) Getting into hobbies. For me it's been weight training, karate,
singing,
> game programming, etc.. I think it's important to do things because you
enjoy
> them, and not just to meet women, or whatever.
Xiobahn
>What techniques have some of you used that you have found success in
dealing
>with your shyness or the effect there of?.....How about what sort of things
>have OTHERS done that has also helped you (and/or them) deal with
it?.......
The only thing I can think of is when I'm feeling particularly shy, it makes
me feel better to actually get outside of my house and actually be around
people. After a while, I realize that people aren't so scary and I actually
relax.
It doesn't sound like much, but it really helps me.
--Xiobahn
William L. Parker
"Dr. Art" wrote:
> I'm curious. Game programming as a hobby?! What kind of games do you
> write? Single-handedly or in a team?
>
Well, I grew up on RPG's on the Commodore 64 (Ultima, Bard's Tale, etc.),
so that's the kind of game I'm mainly interested in writing. As a hobby
it requires a very large time investment, though. I started programming
when I was in grade school, and I spent a huge chunk of my free time in
high school figuring out the math and writing programs to display
rudimentary 3D graphics. Now I work for a software company, and I still
want to do more! It's not the sort of hobby for everyone:) Right now
I'm working on an internet-playable version of the old C64 strategy game
M.U.L.E.
I have a friend I've worked on a couple of fun projects with (I have a
second computer hooked up by ethernet at his place), but mostly I'm
interested in doing it on my own, since I'm a bit of a control freak when
it comes to game programming.
It can be done by a single person, as long as you can be satisfied having
less than state-of-the-art graphics and user interface. I'm odd, in that
I don't care at all about graphics in games, so that's fine with me.
Writing a game that would look as technically impressive as most of
today's commercial games probably couldn't be done by one person in a
reasonable amount of time.
William
bbozm...@my-deja.com
1. Learn a little bit about a lot of subjects. You don't have to be
an expert in everything, but knowing a broad range of information
helps when trying to bridge a gap with another person.
2. When in doubt, ask the other person about themselves. I haven't
met many people who'll miss an opportunity to talk about themselves
if you show interest and give them an opportunity.
3. Make sure that your posture and body language aren't too tense.
For most of us, there's some nervousness involved in social
situations, so it's important to try to mask that as much as
possible to avoid unnerving the other person. (The whole nonverbal
thing is something I'm still struggling with, but it is possible
to look like you're at ease even if the tension is still there.)
Brent Bozman
bbozm...@my-deja.com
SempaiP
> Dawn Molina wrote:
>
> > What techniques have some of you used that you have found success
in dealing
> > with your shyness or the effect there of?.....How about what sort
of things
> > have OTHERS done that has also helped you (and/or them) deal with
it?.......
>
> 1) Reading this newsgroup:) Lurk here for 4-5 years, and you can't
help but see
> some things a little differently:)
> 2) Getting away from my parents. I would recommend anyone who has
any sort of
> self-confidence to do what ever they can to become totally self
sufficient.
For me, separating from my wife and subsequently getting divorced was
important. I no longer had anyone to lean on as a "social crutch" and
it made me realise *I* had to *do* something about my shyness.
> 4) Getting into hobbies. For me it's been weight training, karate,
singing,
> game programming, etc.. I think it's important to do things because
you enjoy
> them, and not just to meet women, or whatever.
Agreed. I do weight training and karate too. (BTW William, what type of
singing do you do - in a band, choir, karaoke? how did you get into it?)
> 5) A big step for me was realizing that I could be perfectly happy
for the rest
> of my life without a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend now, and I
think that this
> attitude helped me out quite a bit.
I've recently come to this conclusion myself. Well, sort of. I don't
know about "for the rest of my life", but I know that right now, while
I would *like* a girlfriend, I don't *need* one.
> 6) A very important thing that I learned here is that things don't
just
> happen. (Well, even if they sometimes do, it's not a very useful
attitude to
> have). If you want something to be different, you are going to have
to do
> something about it.
Very true. Sometimes, though, it's difficult to figure out *what* to
do, which is my big problem right now (see "Ideas needed").
For me, I think the most important things have been
1) The belief that I can change, and
2) Just pushing myself to keep chipping away at the problem; forcing
myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. It's a frustratingly
slow process, but you gradually build up your confidence and skills so
that what once made you uncomfortable becomes easy, what once terrified
you just makes you uncomfortable.
Kev
Bloody Viking
Dawn Molina (d.m.m...@worldnet.att.net) wrote:
: What techniques have some of you used that you have found success in dealing
: with your shyness or the effect there of?.....How about what sort of things
: have OTHERS done that has also helped you (and/or them) deal with it?.......
Too bad I don't have access to a nuke plant. There are no self-help methods
available that do anything except for developing a nuke drug to blow up
adrenaline receptors or radiation thoracic sympathectomy. Both of these are
theoretical only.
--
Pursuant to US Code, Title 47, Chapter 5, Subchapter II, '227,
any and all unsolicited commercial E-mail sent to this address
is subject to a download and archival fee in the amount of $500
US. E-mailing denotes acceptance of these terms.
William L. Parker
SempaiP wrote:
> Agreed. I do weight training and karate too. (BTW William, what type of
> singing do you do - in a band, choir, karaoke? how did you get into it?)
>
Yeah, I probably could have guessed that you did karate by your nickname:)
I do choral singing. I got into it in university, because I missed high
school band, and wanted to do something similar, and choir was about the
only option. I took a couple of music classes that had a sight-singing
component, and that got me started.
When I graduated from school and moved to Toronto to work, I sent out a post
to rec.music.makes.choral (or something like that), asking about nearby
choirs, and I joined a community chorus, and a church choir (even though I'm
not at all religious). The director of the community choir was a really
wonderful person, and after a couple of rehearsals she asked me if I was
interested in doing any solo work (We were doing a Gilbert and Sullivan
concert, and she wanted me to do 'I am a Pirate King". I was very surprised
and tried to back out of it (blah blah blah, I'm not sure if I consider my
voice solo quality blah blah I don't think that song suits my voice type,
etc:) ), but she essentially made me do it ("Why don't you take a look at
this, and if it gets too low, I'll find a tenor piece for you"). I'm pretty
glad that I wound up doing the solo, even though I was very nervous, and
even visibly shaking a bit at the dress rehearsal! I had it more under
control during the actual concert. Right now, I am in a large choir that
does major works with the Toronto Symphony (although they're on strike right
now).
I would recommend choral singing for someone looking for something fun and
challenging, but it might be kind of hard to get into if you are out of
university, and have no sight singing experience. Despite the fact that
there are many more females than males involved generally, though, I don't
think it's a good place to meet MOTAS. (Well, maybe members of the
*appropriate* sex, but probably not opposite sex:) ) This is because the
men are generally separated from the women, and there generally isn't that
much socialization at all, except maybe with the people you are next too.
William
ChrisH
>
>Dawn Molina (d.m.m...@worldnet.att.net) wrote:
>
>: What techniques have some of you used that you have found success in dealing
>: with your shyness or the effect there of?.....How about what sort of things
>: have OTHERS done that has also helped you (and/or them) deal with it?.......
>
>Too bad I don't have access to a nuke plant. There are no self-help methods
>available that do anything except for developing a nuke drug to blow up
>adrenaline receptors or radiation thoracic sympathectomy. Both of these are
>theoretical only.
BV, do you think that your negative outlook could be part of your
problem, though I guess it could have come about as a result of your
shyness. Almost every email I have read of yours is packed with
genera-LIE-sations which you cannot prove; and if you believe them
they are self defeating. In the paragraph above for example, you meant
to write that there are no self-help methods that you have found yet
that have been successful for you.
>
>--
>Pursuant to US Code, Title 47, Chapter 5, Subchapter II, '227,
>any and all unsolicited commercial E-mail sent to this address
>is subject to a download and archival fee in the amount of $500
>US. E-mailing denotes acceptance of these terms.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chris Harrison - Somewhere having fun
NLP Meta-Master Practitioner
Design Human Engineer
Provisional Trainer of NLP
ch...@nervsys.demon.co.uk
http://www.nervsys.demon.co.uk
Bloody Viking
ChrisH (ch...@nervsys.demon.co.uk) wrote:
: BV, do you think that your negative outlook could be part of your
: problem, though I guess it could have come about as a result of your
: shyness. Almost every email I have read of yours is packed with
[ad-hominem-ectomy]
It's obvious that every time I post something about shyness and my theories,
you go totally on the defencive. Since you decided to say I'm using
"genera-LIE-sations", I've got a question for you.
Which is it:
You are shy and NLP hasn't helped.
You aren't shy and you are trying to peddle your wares.
Which is it? It's obvious that I'm not being suckered in by your bullshit.
Despite my neuro-base theories, you are trying to sell your crap with nothing
to back up your claim my theories are bullshit. I'm not the one selling
anything here. You are. I admit that my shit is theoretical and untested. You
assert that your shit works. It's up to you to come up with the proof.
It's obvious that shyness is a tough disease to treat. A little wishful
thinking will not do it. Apparently, that's all you have to offer.
ChrisH
>
>ChrisH (ch...@nervsys.demon.co.uk) wrote:
>
>: BV, do you think that your negative outlook could be part of your
>: problem, though I guess it could have come about as a result of your
>: shyness. Almost every email I have read of yours is packed with
>
>[ad-hominem-ectomy]
>
>It's obvious that every time I post something about shyness and my theories,
>you go totally on the defencive. Since you decided to say I'm using
>"genera-LIE-sations", I've got a question for you.
Me? On the defensive? The words pot and kettle spring to mind.
>
>Which is it:
>
>You are shy and NLP hasn't helped.
>
>You aren't shy and you are trying to peddle your wares.
>
>Which is it? It's obvious that I'm not being suckered in by your bullshit.
I answered this nicely loaded question in your early email, and I'm
not trying to sucker you in. I don't care what you think, I just wish
you'd let other people make up their own minds. Then I argue in this
newsgroup, I try to ensure that I do not expond on things that I know
nothing about, and try to avoid the mud slinging. Pity it's not
common.
>Despite my neuro-base theories, you are trying to sell your crap with nothing
>to back up your claim my theories are bullshit. I'm not the one selling
>anything here. You are. I admit that my shit is theoretical and untested. You
>assert that your shit works. It's up to you to come up with the proof.
I prove it every time I work with someone. How do you prove anything
over the internet?
You have never said your stuff is untested.
You're not selling anything? You can call me all the names you want,
but at least I can't be refered to as a drug pusher. Now can we get
back to just disagreeing with a bit less vemon perhaps? I have really
tried to repond to you in a fair and resonable fashion but I wonder
why I bother when you don't seem to?
>
>It's obvious that shyness is a tough disease to treat. A little wishful
>thinking will not do it. Apparently, that's all you have to offer.
Apparently that's all you're willing to hear I have to offer.