FAQ 0.2
Douglas Reay
With any luck, this post has created a new thread.
On the other hand, it may well send this as HTML.
In any case, I'll follow up to it with the new
version of the FAQ.
I started working on collating the definitions threads at
10am this morning, and by the time I had finished writing
the 'little bits of filler' it was after midnight! Talk
about getting distracted. Guess I must enjoy thinking
about BDSM for some reason. :-)
Anyway, the FAQ has about doubled in size since the
previous versiion, so please do take the time to read it
and send me any comments - or even better, start a new
thread discussing the answer that you want to suggest
an amendment to.
I certainly won't take offense at any suggestions
I got something wrong since I make no guarantees
about the condition of my mind at time of writing.
Douglas
--
"I think we're in for a bad spell of wether."
Douglas Reay
Summary: Introduction and index
Archive-name: uk/bdsm-faq/part1
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: GMT 1997-12-16 01:17:00
Version: 0.2
Maintainer: Douglas Reay <doug...@chiark.greenend.org.uk>
Archive-URL: <ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/bdsm-faq/part1>
Copyright: see ans 0.2
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions on uk.people.bdsm
------------------------------
Subject: 0.0 Introduction.
Hi there. If you are reading this FAQ on u.p.b, welcome to the group.
If you are just skimming this FAQ before posting, and would like your
post to be read and well received, there is information on what sort
of posts are acceptable in answer 7.1.1, and how best to go about
introducing yourself in ans 7.1.7
The information in this FAQ is sorted by topic into sections, and the
best order to read it in will depend on whether you are new to the UK,
the Net or BDSM. If you have read it before, ans 0.1 lists what's new.
Warning: This posting contains material that is both sexually explicit
and complex in nature. If you arn't up to that, go elsewhere.
PART I
SECTION 0 - about this FAQ
PART II
SECTION 1 - about BDSM
SECTION 2 - about the Net
SECTION 3 - about BDSM on the Net
PART III
SECTION 4 - about the UK
SECTION 5 - about BDSM in the UK
SECTION 6 - about the UK on the Net
SECTION 7 - about BDSM in the UK on the Net
Note: The way the sections are split into parts for posting is
determined by the 64K article size limit on some machines.
------------------------------
Subject: 0.1 What's in this FAQ?
Questions about this FAQ:
0.0 Introduction.
* 0.1 What's in this FAQ?
0.2 Who is responsible for this FAQ?
* 0.3 How complete is this FAQ and how can I help?
Questions about BDSM:
* 1.0.0 What is BDSM?
* 1.0.1 Why do you choose to use the term "BDSM" for that?
* 1.0.2 What is 'the' Scene? Am I part of it?
* 1.0.3 What is B&D?
* 1.0.4 What is D&S?
* 1.0.5 What is S&M?
* 1.0.6 What other general BDSM terms are there?
* 1.1.0 "Safe"
- 1.1.1 Whips. Floggers. Paddles. Canes. Crops. Hands. Feet.
- 1.1.2 Restraint. Suspension. Mummification.
- 1.1.3 Gags. Breath control.
- 1.1.4 Cutting. Burning. Branding. Wax. Electricity.
- 1.1.5 Body modification. Piercings.
- 1.1.6 Genitorture. C&B. Parachutes. Breasts. Nipple clamps.
- 1.1.7 Scat. Enemas. Watersports. Golden showers. Catheters.
- 1.1.8 Butt plug training. Anal sex. Fisting.
+ 1.1.9 AIDS. Safer sex. Cleaning toys. Meeting strangers for the first time.
* 1.2.0 "Sane"
- 1.2.1 Why is B&D fun?
- 1.2.2 Why is D&S fun?
- 1.2.3 Why is S&M fun?
* 1.2.4 What is 'real' BDSM? Does what I do count?
+ 1.2.5 Is BDSM insane, unnatural or degrading?
- 1.2.6 My fantasies scare me. What if I get too into BDSM?
- 1.2.7 Negotiation. Emotional safety. Abusers. Care after scenes.
* 1.3.0 "Consensual"
- 1.3.1 Safewords. Non-verbal safewords. Implicit safewords.
- 1.3.2 Club and play party rules. Codes. Voyeurs.
- 1.3.3 Pushing limits, expectations and mistakes.
- 1.3.4 Roleplaying. Control. Topping from the bottom.
- 1.3.5 No safeword-scenes. 24/7 relationships.
- 1.3.6 How can I become a better bottom?
- 1.3.7 How can I become a better top?
- 1.4.0 Toys
- 1.4.1 How to make your own. Cheap tops.
- 1.4.2 Stealth toys.
- 1.4.3 Who makes the best quality whips?
[ a long running question never definitively answered :-) ]
- 1.4.4 How 'thuddy' or 'stingy' are floggers made from different materials?
- 1.5.0 People
- 1.5.1 My partner has never tried BDSM. How can I addict hir?
- 1.5.2 My partner isn't into BDSM. Can I go to clubs for non-sexual play?
1.5.3 Oh my god. My mother just looked in my closet. What do I do?
1.5.4 How out do I 'have' to be? SM Pride. BDSM symbols.
- 1.6.0 Information
1.6.1 Books
- 1.6.2 Magasines
- 1.6.3 Films and videos.
Questions about the Net:
- 2.0 I'm not on the Net. What is it? And what are email, news and URLs?
2.1 What are FAQs?
2.2 I'm new to the Net. What should I do? Where can I find out more?
2.3 Why does it matter if I post something to an inappropriate group?
+ 2.4 Trolls. Crossposting. Flamewars. Forging addresses.
+ 2.5 What is spam? Why is it evil? What should I do about it?
+ 2.6 Anonymity. Finger. Net names. Outing. Harassing email.
- 2.7 How do I killfile posters / threads I don't like?
2.8 What can I do if my ISP doesn't take a newsgroup I want to use?
Questions about BDSM on the Net:
- 3.1.0 What is there about BDSM?
- 3.1.1 Newsgroups
- 3.1.2 IRC
- 3.1.3 Web sites - pictures
- 3.1.4 Web sites - stories
[ Well, I want to put a link to Elf Sternberg, and Nurse Jones sites. :-> ]
- 3.1.5 Web sites - other
- 3.1.6 Muds, talkers, virtual worlds, bulletin boards
- 3.2 Related areas
[ Actually, the whole of section 3 needs thinking about. Ideas anybody? ]
Questions about the UK:
4.0 What is the UK?
4.1 I'm visiting the UK. Have you any advice?
Questions about BDSM in the UK:
5.1 Is BDSM against the law?
* 5.1.1 Countdown on Spanner
- 5.1.2 "Secret" magasine impounded by Customs
- 5.2 How can I find out about groups, clubs and events in the UK?
- 5.2.1 What's up with Whiplash? Where is the fetish fair / market?
- 5.3 Do contact magasines only list commercial domanitrixes?
- 5.4 Equipment sources. BDSM aware lawyers & other professionals.
- 5.5 Play parties
- 5.5.1 I want to throw a play party; how do I go about it.
[ And don't say "Just lift it up and chuck it". ]
- 5.5.2 I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette?
- 5.6 What is the scene like in the UK?
- 5.6.1 Is the UK more like the east or west coast USA stereotype?
- 5.7 What is the history of the scene in the UK? The Hellfire club, etc.
[ Does infomation on Cynthia Payne, etc. belong in the FAQ? ]
- 5.7.1 What is the 'english' vice? Are there still canes in schools?
- 5.8 I want to find a play partner. Have you any advice?
- 5.8.1 Advice to men seeking female bottoms.
- 5.8.2 Advice to men seeking female tops.
- 5.8.3 Advice to gay men.
- 5.8.4 Advice to gay women.
- 5.8.5 Advice to straight women.
Questions about the UK on the Net:
+ 6.1 How do I get on the Net in the UK?
6.2 Am I still welcome in uk.* groups if I don't live in the UK?
Questions about BDSM in the UK on the Net:
- 7.1.0 The uk.people.bdsm newsgroup
- 7.1.1 its Charter
- 7.1.2 its History
- 7.1.3 its web site
- 7.1.4 its users
- 7.1.5 its distribution (which providers take it)
- 7.1.6 its munches [ We are going to hold munches, are we not? ]
7.1.7 Hi, I'm new to this group. What should I do?
- 7.2.0 Links - BDSM
- 7.2.1 UK BDSM Clubs online
- 7.2.2 UK BDSM Magasines online
- 7.2.3 UK BDSM Event Listings online
- 7.2.4 UK BDSM Web sites - other
- 7.2.5 UK BDSM bulletin boards, talkers, IRC channels, etc.
- 7.3.0 Links - related areas [ The whole of 7.3 needs thinking about. ]
- 7.3.1 Pornography
- 7.3.2 Sex, swingers, personals, polyamoury.
+ 7.3.4 TV, TS, fetish fashion, piercing, rituals, paganism, goths, etc.
[ Maybe we should limit it to one link per subject? No idea ]
- 7.3.5 Liberty. UK anti-censorship campaign. Leydig trust.
- = nobody has volunteered to deal with this subject yet
+ = someone is writing the answer but hasn't submitted it yet
* = subject has been added or altered since last version
------------------------------
Subject: 0.2 Who is responsible for this FAQ?
This FAQ was originally collated by Douglas Reay, and is currently being
maintained by Douglas Reay. The material in it, though, was authored
by the folks on u.p.b, with additional ideas and material from the a.s.b
FAQ (now the s.s.b-b FAQ) by Rob Jellinghaus <ro...@unreal.com>.
All rights over the material (including copyright) remain with the authors,
except as explicitly granted otherwise. The authors, while attempting to
make their answers reflect the opinion on the group at time of writing,
make no guarantees the information is true, complete, safe or even funny.
For that matter, if you think you have any sort of promise from any past or
present collator, maintainer, *.answers moderator or web archiver, dream on.
That having been said, permission is hereby granted for this material to be
read,
stored on line for uses that are non-profit,
stored off line for uses that are both non-profit and personal,
used (in printed form) as part of peverse and bizzare sexual acts, and
stored on or off line as necessary for usenet distribution and browsing
providing any edits are indicated as such, and this answer is included.
If you are archiving this FAQ on a website, if there are any problems with
its distribution, if you have any material for it, or feedback on it,
please email the maintainer (see email address in 'Maintainer:' header).
------------------------------
Subject: 0.3 How complete is this FAQ and how can I help?
FAQs are living documents, and are never completely finished. You can always
help by spotting errors and emailing the Maintainer with suggested alterations
or additions to current answers. Pointing out new questions that are being
frequently asked on the group, or are likely to be, is also helpful.
In the case of this u.p.b FAQ, the answer is "not at all complete".
It is still in draft stage. That means it is not being archived at mit,
is has not yet been accepted by the moderators of the *.answers newsgroups,
and that it may well be posted more frequently than once a month.
Volunteers are needed to answer most of the questions in parts 2 and 3.
If you have a few spare moments, pick a question, email me so I can mark
it as being handled, then get writing! Your answer does not have to be
complete or perfect, since the group will be able to add corrections once
it is in the next version; any answer at all is useful because it provides
a basis to comment on and refine.
I will also be picking one question per week, and starting a thread on the
group about it. That will be slow if it is the only way answers get filled
in, but I don't feel comfortable starting lots of threads by myself and
appearing to spam the group, so please feel free to start threads on any of
the questions unanswered - the greater the discussion, the better the FAQ.
------------------------------ End of part 1/3
Douglas Reay
Summary: General information about B&D, D&S, S&M and the Net.
Archive-name: uk/bdsm-faq/part2
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: GMT 1997-12-16 01:17:00
Version: 0.2
Maintainer: Douglas Reay <doug...@chiark.greenend.org.uk>
Archive-URL: <ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/uk/bdsm-faq/part2>
Copyright: see ans 0.2
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.0 What is BDSM?
Literally, "BDSM" is the contraction of "B&D", "D&S" and S&M".
In practice the term is often used in a more general sense to
cover the range of interests common in the BDSM Scene, such as
fetishes, body modification and alternative sexualities, and
it implies activities done Safely, Sanely and Consensually (SSC).
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.1 Why do you choose to use the term "BDSM" for that?
Consider the alternatives:
"SM" - doesn't cover D&S
"bondage" - doesn't cover S&M
"kinky" - Has negative connotations in some areas
"pervy" - Has negative connotations in most areas
"Wiitwd" - Not used off the Net. (means: What it is that we do)
"BDSM" is widely understood within the Scene, is not offensive to vanillas,
and is sufficiently specific to be useful while being inclusive enough not
to leave large groups within the Scene feeling rejected.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.2 What is 'the' Scene? Am I part of it?
"a toy" - a piece of equipment that you use for BDSM (eg a whip).
"to play" - to participate in a BDSM activity (eg spanking). It does
not imply any particular level of seriousness or reality.
"a scene" - an uninterrupted session during which the participants
are actually playing, and can last from seconds to a
lifetime. It does not have to have an audience, nor
does it imply roleplay, S&M, or any one specific element.
"the Scene" - the BDSM community. It can mean both the people who
play together, and the events that bring them together.
If you believe in doing BDSM activities, and you identify with the Scene,
then you are part of it. There is no entrance exam, no initiation ritual,
you don't have to be into any particular aspect of BDSM nor do you have to
be a recognised public player. There is no particular virtue in being an
old or heavy player; so don't be intimidated if you are not, you are just
as welcome here. (See also ans 1.2.4 and ans 1.5.4)
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.3 What is B&D?
"B&D" stands for "Bondage and Discipline".
"controler" - one who wants to control someone's physical actions
"controlee" - one who wants their physical actions to be controlled
Control can be physical (via bondage) or psychological (via discipline).
"bondage" - any form of physical restraint or hinderance. Devices
commonly used include cuffs, ropes, chains, corsets,
gags, blindfolds and large pieces of furniture, or a
controller can immobilised a controlee with no devices
at all - just by sitting on them. ;-)
Bondage is often combined with inflicting pain, and
tight bondage or uncomfortable positions can be used
in order to inflict pain, however that is not intrinsic
to bondage. Bondage can also be used to stimulate the
body - Japanese rope bondage is not only an art form,
it deliberatly uses knots to massage sensitive points.
"discipline" - the use of rules and punishment to control overt behaviour.
Punishment can be pain caused physically (such as caning),
humiliation caused physically (such as a public enema) or
loss of freedom caused physically (such as chaining the
controlee to the foot of a bed, for snoring). Bondage
when used as a punishment is still bondage, but because
it is overtly being done in response to a 'rule' being
broken, it is also part of the discipline.
Punishment does not need to be physical. It can be loss
of priviledges (such as having an orgasm this month), being
ordered to do a task (such as writing lines on a blackboard)
on threat of further punishment if not finished correctly,
it can be verbal humiliation, or really any act that you
can inflict on the controlee or get them to inflict on
themselves that they don't like. Rules can be applied
randomly by dominants as a tool for disorienting a sub,
or by a sadist in order to have an excuse to inflict lots
of fun pain, but a disciplinarian is one who enjoys gaining
control over someone's physical actions and apparent
behaviour by training them to obey stated rules.
Discipline is often combined with playing roles such as student/teacher,
worker/boss, nurse/doctor or servant/noble, to give a context for the rules.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.4 What is D&S?
"D&S" stands for "Domination and Submission".
It can also be written "Ds", "D/s", "D&s" or "D/S".
"dominant" - one who wants to dominate someone (also "dom" or "Dom")
"submissive" - one who wants to submit to someone (also "sub")
Domination is the gain and use of control over a sub's emotional reactions
by the manipulation of their mind and body. This may or may not be then
used to discipline their physical actions; it can be sufficient to own
their soul, but tangible proof of ownership is often found enjoyable.
The difference between Discipline and Dominance is that the Disciplinarian
cares that the bottom does obey, while not minding whether they wanted to
or not. The Dominant cares that the bottom wants to obey, and only minds
whether they do actually obey in as much as it proves that they wanted to.
Of course someone who is into both D&S and B&D would care about both things.
In BDSM relationships the dominant should take the submissive's interests
and needs into account, however this is not the same as saying they will
do everything the sub wants or enjoys.
Submission is the voluntary offering up of control over one's own volition.
Perfecting a genuine selflessness and desire to serve, worship and obey can
be a lifelong project, however there are many forms of D&S relationship and
the dominant does not usually gain control totally or hold it permanently.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.5 What is S&M?
"S&M" stands for "Sadism and Masochism" or "SadoMasochism".
It can also be written "SM" or "S/M".
"sadist" - one who wants to inflict physical pain
"masochist" - one who wants to receive physical pain
The terms "Sadism" and "Masochism" originated with two real people whose
names medicine used for the respective conditions, however S&M as it is
practiced as part of BDSM has little to do with the clinical conditions
as defined in DSMIV so I shall ignore them here (details in ans 1.2.5).
"physical mods" - a deliberate and ornamental change in the body's structure
that does not risk impairing needed functionality.
(eg an ear piercing)
"physical hurt" - a painful insult to the body, causing only repairable
physical damage. Any impairment must be limited to less
than a finite planned maximum in magnitude and duration.
"harm" - physical damage that risks unacceptable or indeterminate
impairment of needed functionality
In S&M the aim is to inflict sensations (such as physical hurt) without
causing physical harm. There are many devices available to help a
sadist do this. Among the most popular ones dedicated to this purpose
are paddles, floggers, straps, canes, crops, whips, cats and clamps.
Hands, candles, ice cubes, needles, knives, feathers and electricity
can be just as fun. Hardware stores are fun to visit with a kinky mind.
Not everyone responds to sensations in the same way. Some people prefer
a stingy cane to a heavy paddle. Some people prefer tickling to a cane.
Some people prefer a paddle to tickling. There is no right or wrong
amount of pain to be able to withstand, nor is there a correct way it
should feel to you. (See in particular ans 1.2.3)
------------------------------
Subject: 1.0.6 What other general BDSM terms are there?
"master" - someone into D&S who has a specific relationship with a sub
"slave" - someone into D&S who has a specific relationship with a dom
These terms are used in a great variety of conflicting ways.
They might be used by one couple when doing a one off role
playing scene, based on historical slavery. Another couple
may define their whole relationship on that basis, using
welded collars, powers of atourney and a 24/7 no safeword
agreement to make it as permanent as possible.
"top" - someone who is a controler, dominant and/or sadist
"bottom" - someone who is a controlee, submissive and/or masochist
These used to have slightly different meanings in the
gay community. In this context they are just generic
terms that do not imply whether the player is heavily
into D&S or not.
By definition:
all masters are dominants
all dominants are tops
all slaves are submissives
all submissives are bottoms
but not necessarily vice versa, and nothing is implied about whether
the player has any interest in S&M or B&D. To confuse matters further,
some men will describe themselves as masters, without being dominant,
in hope of getting to play with submissives. Mistress is a fairly
direct equivalent term for women, but Sir, Lord, Lady, Madam, Goddess,
or any other formal title probably indicates an interest in topping.
"SAM" - Smart Assed Masochist. Originally from IRC, used to mean
a bottom who is into S&M but not D&S, and who behaves in
a disrespectful manner in order to get more punishments.
Also used perjoratively to mean someone who tries to take
total control of a scene while claiming to be submissive.
"YKINMK" - Your Kink Is Not My Kink
"MKIBTYK" - My Kink Is Better Than Your Kink
"YKINOK" - Your Kink Is Not Okay
"YKIOK,IJNMK" - Your Kink is OK, It's Just Not My Kink
"AKIBTN" - Any Kink Is Better Than None"
"TMPTAWWTLO" - The Missionary Position Twice A Week With The Lights Off
"vanilla" - something not part of the Scene. Often used to describe
parts of your life, as well as people or activities.
Usage is similar to that of "mundane" by the SF community.
Its use is sometimes considered perjorative, (though not
by gourmets who eat the real thing, apparently :-), and
probably should not be used to include alternative sexual
practices that are part of BDSM in the wider sense.
"missionaries" - If vanilla sex is what you imagine your parents having,
then 'missionaries' are more "It's my birthday. Do you
reckon you can go on top tonight darling?". Pejorative.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.1.0 "Safe"
Playing safely does not mean giving up all dangerous activities.
It means taking reasonable care that you know what risks of physical
harm are associated with any activities you consider trying; and, if
you decide to go ahead, planning those activities with due thought to
optimising the balance between risk and reward for everybody involved.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.2.0 "Sane"
Playing sanely does not mean giving up the wild, abnormal and extreme.
It means paying due regard to possibility of emotional harm, in the
same way that playing safely is to do with risks of physical harm.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.2.4 What is 'real' BDSM? Does what I do count?
You are an individual. Nobody looks, thinks or feels exactly as you do;
even identical twins have their differences. It should therefore not be
surprising that every BDSM scene has its own unique style.
BDSM can be sexual, exciting, humerous, healing, calming, magickal
(or indeed magical, if you tie your bottom in a box, then pierce with
swords). Or it can be none of these things; for some people sex is
intrinsically part of BDSM, while for others it is totally unconnected.
BDSM will often involve elements from overlapping sub-cultures:
Fetishes: cross dressing, leather, shoes, bad music
Body modification: piercing, tattoes, scarification, branding
Alternative sex: water sports, anal, masturbation, fisting
Un-trad sexualities: transexual, polyamoury, bisexual, celibate
Mental alteration: hypnotism, drugs, pavlovian conditioning, magick
Role play: knight/squire, teacher/student, noble/servant
Counter culture: Science Fiction, the SCA, Gothic vampires, Anarchism
None the less, players and events can often be roughly divided into:
Old Leather / East Coast of USA:
Players are either dominant or submissive. The only acceptable garb is
black leather (shiny metal optional), maybe black rubber or PVC if pushed.
New Age / West Coast of USA:
Players can switch between roles, either with different partners or at
different times. Any garb allowed, as long as it reflects the inner you.
[ These are caracatures. Anybody got some better descriptions? ]
Neither tradition is right or wrong, merely different. If what you do is
SSC, and it feels like BDSM to you, then few reasonable people will object.
There are some who feel that there is only 'one true way' to be a dom,
a sub, or whatever; and that anybody who does not do it that way is
a deluded fake. The men in white coats advise that until these people
can be recaptured, your best course of action is to ignore them.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.3.0 "Consensual"
Playing consensually does not mean you need a written witnessed agreement
every time you play, nor does it mean that once they consent, anything goes.
It means only playing with people who are normally considered fit to enter
into a binding contract, and only doing things to them while you have a
very sound expectation that, were they requested to explicitly indicate
their consent to your actions when in a fit state of mind and being neither
cooerced nor misled, they would do so.
The Simple Rules:
1. Don't play with people who can't be held fully responsibile for their
own actions (eg the mad, senile, immature or otherwise incompetant).
2. Know what your partner's limits are - what they do not consent to.
3. Confirm that they understand any physical and emotional risks involved.
4. Make sure your partner has an unambiguous way to indicate that they
withdraw their consent, if they change their mind during the scene.
You are responsible for detecting if they fall into a mental or physical
state where they are hindered from indicating or choosing to indicate.
5. If you are about to do an action to them which they would have no chance
to indicate their lack of consent to before it happened, and there is
any doubt that they might not consent, ask them beforehand to indicate
their consent explicitly.
6. If at any time your partner, while in a fit state of mind, indicates
that they do not consent to your doing an action to them, or that they
withdraw consent they previously gave, then don't do it. If you have
already started doing it, then stop as soon as safely possible.
7. If your partner is not in a fit state of mind to choose whether to
consent or not, which can happen on occasions such as when drunk, asleep,
or drugged, then it is your responsibility to make that choice for them.
In general you should choose to not play with them, unless you gained
their explicit consent beforehand to play with them in this condition.
One exception to that would be when a masochist is so high on endorphins
that they are in no fit state to judge whether to continue or not, because
entering that state was a possibile risk of your flogging them, and since
you confirmed your partner understood this risk (see rule 2) and they
consented in knowledge of it, their consent to let you judge when to stop
is strongly implicit. On the other hand, in that situation you also have
a duty to stop the scene when warranted, even if they are crying "More!".
------------------------------
Subject: 1.5.3 Oh my god. My mother just looked in my closet. What do I do?
First of all, don't panic. Depending on what was there, and what your
mother is like, you may have nothing to worry about. You may need to
explain to her what some items are, and you should explain to her that
you enjoy what you're doing, that you're not being harmed by it, and
that she's got nothing to worry about. Anybody that's come out as
gay/bi/lesbian etc. will be familiar with this experience.
------------------------------
Subject: 1.5.4 How out do I 'have' to be? SM Pride. BDSM symbols.
You don't have to be out at all. You could restrict your BDSM activities to
your own imagination, magazines, looking at internet material. Or, you could
be slightly out, posting to this newsgroup, going to BDSM clubs (perhaps in a
mask to protect your anonymity). Or you could be slightly more out, and go on
SM Pride, the annual march through London in September. Or you could be
slightly more out, and wear a BDSM badge or pin. Or you could be hysterically
out, introducing yourself to people as "Hello, I'm Brian and I'm a pervert."
At the end of the day, the BDSM police are not going to march round to your
house and drag you into the limelight. There is no "have to" about being an
out BDSMer. It's more like a lightbulb... if you don't turn it on, you'll
never be able to see what things really look like.
If you want to be "out" a certain extent, there is SM Pride. An annual march
organised by Countdown On Spanner (see 5.1.1). This takes a high-profile
route through the West End of London, protesting about the current legal
position of BDSM activities (see 5.1), and showing the powers that be that
BDSMers refuse to be ignored. Everyone tends to be in a party mood, and many
people dress up in their 'special' outfits, and wave banners, placards, pull
pony-carts, cause double-takes, whatever they fancy. The SM Pride weekend
contains not only this march, but a huge ball, and an afternoon of BDSM
workshops and stalls open to all BDSMers and curious types, organised by
SM Gays, SM Dykes, SM Bisexuals and Countdown On Spanner.
There is no popular BDSM symbol that has the instant regonition factor of,
say, a gay's pink triangle, or a anti-nuclear protester's cross in a circle.
There are some slogan badges, most popluar seems to be Countdown On Spanner's
"Used, Abused and Loved It". The only symbol much used is the Leather Pride
Flag. This was designed in America to be a BDSM version of the gay
community's Rainbow Flag, and consists of nine stripes with a red heart symbol
at 45degrees in the top left corner. The stripes go
purple-black-purple-black-white-black-purple-black-purple. It has been
suggested that a symbol for BDSMers on the 'net would be the flag on a
3.5in disk symbol...
------------------------------
Subject: 1.6.1 Books
"Screw the Roses, send me the thorns", by Philipp Miller and Molly Devon
"SM 101", by Jay Wiseman
"The loving dominant", by John Warren
"Sensuous Magic", by Pat Califia
------------------------------
Subject: 2.1 What are FAQs?
FAQs are Frequently Asked Questions (like that one), plus the answers
(such as this one) that have been agreed by the people on the newgroup.
For more information on FAQs read the Usenet newgroup <news:news.answers>,
or browse the webpage
<http://www.lib.ox.ac.uk/internet/news/faq/archive/faqs.about-faqs.html>
The bits inside <> are called URLs (see ans 2.0 for more information).
Bits inside [] are comments by the maintainer, and not part of an answer.
The funny --- lines are part of the RFC1153 digest format defined in
<http://www.lib.ox.ac.uk/internet/news/faq/
archive/faqs.minimal-digest-format.html>
------------------------------
Subject: 2.2 I'm new to the Net. What should I do?
Where can I find out more?
Since the internet is growing at a rapid rate, this isn't surprising. As
with any newsgroup, it is considered polite to read the newsgroup for a
period of time before posting anything (this can be anything from a few
days to a few months), to get a feel of that group. The finer points of
nettiquette are outside the scope of this FAQ, but some general rules:
1. keep you .sig to 4 lines or less, and use a sig seperator (-- ) on the
first line.
2. Quote the text that you are replying to, and any other text that is
essential for context. Mark quoted text with a ">" at the start of each
line. Attribute all quotes ( "person <per...@person.com> wrote:" etc.)
properly.
3. Don't use all caps, it's considered rude.
4. Please remember that this is UK.people.bdsm, so writing in English is
probably a good idea.
5. Read the charter for the newsgroup before posting, so that you know
what is and isn't on-topic (no ads etc.)
There are a number of FAQs on the subject of nettiquette, and any new
user should read news.answers.newusers.
With the growth of the WWW, there has been the introduction of serach
engines such as yahoo <http://www.yahoo.com/> and altavista
<http://www.altavista.com/>, these are used to search the web (and
sometimes newsgroups) for pages and articles of interest for you.
------------------------------
Subject: 2.3 Why does it matter if I post something to
an inappropriate group?
Because it's considered rude, that's why. Some people pay to download
news articles, so you are wasting their money. Your post may also result
in you losing your account because people complain to you sysadmins, so
it's not a good idea.
------------------------------
Subject: 2.8 What can I do if my ISP doesn't take a newsgroup I want to use?
There are a number of services that provide free access to newsgroups,
most popular amongst these is dejanews <http://www.dejanews.com/>,
although you won't see any posts with X-no-archive: yes headers in them
(this isn't really an issue in most groups, but in some, such as
uk.people.bdsm, it is). Some places such as superzippo offer newsfeeds
for a small charge.
You can also ask your newsadmin to take this group, although some may refuse.
------------------------------ End of part 2/3
Douglas Reay
Summary: Information specific to the UK scene, and this newsgroup.
Archive-name: uk/bdsm-faq/part3
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: GMT 1997-12-16 01:17:00
Version: 0.2
Maintainer: Douglas Reay <doug...@chiark.greenend.org.uk>
Archive-URL: <ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/uk/bdsm-faq/part3>
Copyright: see ans 0.2
------------------------------
Subject: 4.0 What is the UK?
The UK is a kingdom of the coast of north-west Europe. It consists chiefly of
the island of Great Britain (comprising Wales, Scotland and England) and
Northern Ireland, but also assorted territories. It became officially
The United Kingdom Of Great Britain And Northern Ireland in 1922 when the
rest of Ireland became autonomous.
------------------------------
Subject: 4.1 I'm visiting the UK, do you have any advice?
Don't try to bring any published BDSM material through customs. No matter how
mild you may think it is, it's up to the individual customs officer what they
confiscate. The majority of SM paraphernalia is, however, quite legal,
although electrical toys may be seized as they may be deemed either weapons
or medical apparatus. If you're asked what the whip or crop is, just tell the
truth. There's little they can do except embarrass you.
In terms of other advice, the UK is known for its changeable weather. Never
assume it will be warm, and always bring something waterproof. The individual
parts of the UK are so varied as to seem like separate countries, and
guidebooks can give more conventional information than we can here. For info
on BDSM events, the best thing to do is go to a fetish shop and ask for the
latest flyers (if they aren't on display), lists of these are in some
magazines available world-wide (such as skin two), or see our section of
club websites (see 7.2.1).
------------------------------
Subject: 5.1 Is BDSM against the law?
This is a difficult question to answer. It has to be yes, and no. A police
operation named "Operation Spanner" targetted a group of gay and bisexual
BDSMers in the early nineties, because they mistook a home movie of their
activities to be a snuff film. When the case came to court, the men pleaded
not guilty to charges of causing actual bodily harm on the grounds that they
had all consented to the activities. The prosecution could not get any of the
men to say it had been non-consensual, and had even tried threatening the
"subs" with aiding and abetting actual bodily harm, as they had asked for
these things to be done to them. Nevertheless, the judge decided that consent
was not a valid defense, and with no other availiable defense, the men were
found guilty. A campaign group (Countdown On Spanner) quickly appeared and
started to make a lot of noise about this, and the case went to appeal. The
appeal failed, and it went to the Law Lords. The Law Lords upheld the original
judgement, but did recommend that the law be changed, and noted that the
definition of Actual Bodily Harm by then had changed so much that the
original prosecution would not have gone through.
The case only refers to activities, such as whipping or caning, that leave
marks. Any mark which is "of more than a trifling or transient nature" is
currenlty against the law. The only way to test this, however, is to have
another court case. A case cannot go ahead without evidence (the marks
themselves are not enough, they have to prove how they were gained) and so
unless you have videotapes, and someone gives one to the police, you are
probably safe... The case makes no mention to the legal status of consensual
bondage, humiliation, roleplay, fetishism, watersports, or any other BDSM
activities except those which mark.
------------------------------
Subject: 5.1.1 Countdown on Spanner
The campaign group "Countdown on Spanner" has been superceeded by two groups:
"SMPrideOrg (UK)" and "The Spanner Trust". They issued the following notice:
COUNTDOWN ON SPANNER CALLS IT A DAY
After considerable discussion, the Countdown on Spanner Campaign has
resolved to wind itself down and to transfer its assets and energy to
the proposed SMPride Organisation
Campaigners decided that as the Spanner Case was finally over, it was
prudent to move on to a new agenda. Activists at its last meeting
welcomed the news of the proposed SMPride venture. And were pleased to
be able to actively support this new organisation as a positive
celbration of pansexual sm sexuality
The Countdown on Spanner Campaigner was founded by Kellan Farshea in
1992 as a pansexual activist SM organisation. Its central aims were to
raise funds to support the Spanner men; to raise public awareness about
SM sexuality; and to promote SM as a valid adult sexuality.
Over the 5 years of its existence it raised over £80,000 for the SM
rights cause. Allowing the Spanner case to be fought through the British
judicial system and to the European Court of Human Rights. Although the
case was finally lost in the courts, campaigners have argued that in
terms of public acceptance of SM, community awareness and political
support - the campaign was a brilliant success. It helped to change the
political climate regarding consenual adult sex. And helped to create an
international SM community. Among the organisations that developed out
of this climate was SMDykes, SM Bisexuals, The Sexual Freedom Coalition,
The Annual SM Pride Weekend and The Spanner Trust.
As well as thanking every person who ever donated money, time or energy
to the Campaign, the campaigners wished to extend a special thankyou to
the Central Station in Kings Cross which provided the group with a home
for 5years.
Long time campaign member, Dr Mike Frost said " Despite losing the
Spanner Case, I believe that Spanner was a major factor in the recent
developing wider awareness and acceptance of SM sexuality in the UK"
Ishmael Skyes, Author, said "one of the acheivements of the campaign was
its ground breaking role in uniting gay, bisexual, lesbian and
heterosexual sadomasochists behind one flag"
Rob Grover, Erotic Oscar winner, said " SM and Leather groups across the
world rallied to the cause and raise over £80,000 over the 5 years of
the campaigns existence"
Kellan Farshea, Founder of the Campaign said " This is obviously an
emotional decision but over the years I believe that the campaign has
changed the face of sexuality politics in Britain. And through SM Pride,
the spirit of the campaign will live on, giving strength and support to
sadomasochists across Britain and promoting SM as a valid sexual
choice."
Whilst the activist vitality of the campaign will be carried in SM
Pride.Org, the balance of the monies raised will continue to be held by
The Spanner Trust. Under the terms of its deed, it will continue to work
in support of SM Rights across the world. And any groups that think they
may be eligible for such a grant should contact the Trust in writing.
Contact k...@dircon.co.uk for more details about Countdown On Spanner,
the forthcoming SMPrideOrg (UK) or The Spanner Trust.
------------------------------
Subject: 5.5.2 I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette?
The etiquette will vary with the party, but basically you need to
act with respect for others: don't interrupt a scene (unless the place
is on fire or another such emergency), no flogging without permission,
all subs are not YOUR subs...and all doms are not YOUR dom. Don't hog
all the sausage rolls at the refreshment table...things like that....
------------------------------
Subject: 6.2 Am I still welcome in the uk.* groups
if I don't live in the UK?
Yes. Anyone with an interest in the UK is welcome in the uk.* groups, although
they should respect the fact that these are a regional discussion forum.
Mentioning in passing that things are different in Nebraska is one thing, but
ranting on about the Constitution or senators or your TV programmes will not
make you many friends. Also if you have little experience of UK politics or
current affairs, please don't tell those of us who live here what our country
is like, this may sound obvious, but it does happen!.
If you're from the UK and moved away, or intending to visit, you are also very
welcome here, but do see 7.1.7
------------------------------
Subject: 7.1.7 Hi, I'm new to this group. What should I do?
Well, hold your breath. It's best to read the group for a while before
posting, to get an idea of the tone, content and, ahem, personalities.
Some FAQs suggest reading for a month, but with a group like this you'd
go mad with frustration. Try to hold out for two weeks, or read about 30
articles. Then the best thing to do, as in polite society, is inroduce
yourself. Just post a "Hello! I'm new!" message (not in an ongoing thread
about plumbing and depilatories!!) and tell a bit about yourslef. The info
you put in might include: where in the UK you live, how you identify
(gay/straight/bi/dyke/bent/kinky/fetishist/switch/Dom/sub/slave/pet/whatever)
and a bit about your interests and fantasies... If you're lucky, and you put
some truth in, you may even provoke your own thread...
------------------------------ End of part 3/3