frightened kibologist [attn: Matt McIrvin]
Jess Allan
This is what happens when you e-mail DeLaney, I've found.
> What would happen if I gave you an avocado?
> Let's see.
> >give David avocado
> You give the avocado to david.
> >look at David
> David is exuberant.
> David has:
> the avocado
> an Internet account
> three keys
> the last slice of bread
> no kittens
> >lurk
> David throws the avocado at the robot.
> The robot catches the avocado.
> The robot performs a Wacky Dance with the avocado.
> You realize that the avocado has disappeared and the robot is now plaid.
> You are confused.
I see no robot here.
Matt, what would happen if I presented you with EZ-Cheez?
---
Jess Allan
jess...@jasminum.mv.com
http://www.mv.com/users/jessamine/
"From this it follows that the population
of the whole Universe is also zero,
and that any person you may meet
from time to time are merely the products
of a deranged imagination." -- Douglas Adams
Matt McIrvin
Jess Allan <jess...@jasminum.mv.com> wrote:
> Matt, what would happen if I presented you with EZ-Cheez?
I would correct the spelling to the proper Ese-Cheez and it would
become a minor point of the compass.
ompass. ompass. parts of syllables are echoing in my head. I am typing
without having slept in a desperate bid to re-synchronize myself with
normal sleep/wake cycles. need to take siesta so that Sam won't think I
am a zombie. DAYTIME I tell my hoppicampohippityhop o seriotonionin
melanitonin anterior sulcus it's DAYTIME. frontal lobes. DAYTIME in my
ocicccipitipitahuapotetl tenochtitlan. Nighttime was hours ago when I
was listening to that world news polka thing for the ten thousandth
time. Capitaptetlization is difficult.HOws this?
So the aliens come and they say they've built a timelike wormhole that
connects an event in the distant future with one in the distant past, in
a loop. Only they haven't built it yet, actually, because they need to
build the future end. And the reason for this wormhole is that the
universe is an unstable false vacuum, somebody could tip it over at any
moment, causing a wave of destruction to blow out at the speed of light.
But events being immutable in the universe, the existence of the
wormhole's past end, unmolested, would guarantee that nobody could
possibly have done this within the past light cone of the future end,
thereby giving effective protection to everything under this light cone,
like a great big lampshade in spacetime, or a contracting bubble of
safety.
Now the Earth scientists say that they don't see why anyone needs to do
anything, since if the aliens can see that the past end is already
there, the project must have been completed successfully. But the aliens
reply that they're not sure that that wormhole really connects at the
other end to the one they're planning on making; it might come from
somewhere else entirely, but if they actually made the other end they'd
be sure, and ensure the protection in the process. Of course, they'd
only be completely sure once the future end was done at which point the
protection would be completely null and void, but it would be a good
idea to start the project anyway because otherwise it wouldn't work at
all, and they might get partial assurance by sending a signal in a part
of the spectrum from the past end that they're carefully avoiding
looking at in advance.
So the Earth scientists ask the aliens what they need to do this, and
the aliens say that they'd need the full energy output of the Sun for
long enough to freeze the Earth's biosphere and kill everyone on the
planet. They need these stars that are in certain positions relative to
where they want the wormhole mouth, and the Sun is one of them. And the
people of Earth say, the hell you say, we're not going to sacrifice
ourselves for the good of some hypothetical plan that doesn't sound like
it would provide much assurance anyway-- and any assurance it did
provide wouldn't be for us, because even if some of us managed to hang
around somehow, we'd be outside the contracting bubble of safety, which
would *pass us* at the moment of your operations.
So the aliens go home. And then a wave of destruction eats the universe.
Okay, so it isn't a very good plot. I couldn't think up any good
characters to go in it either.
--
Font-o-Meter! Proportional Monospaced
^
Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Jaffo
I have just added Matt McIrvin to my autoselect filter.
Notice how we have a sound to make when you "PLONK" someone, but there's not a
sound for autoselect?
From now on, I'm going to still use *PLONK* but I'm going to start using a new
sound for autoselect.
*SPROING!*
So Matt, be proud, you have received the very first *SPROING!* response in
alt.religion.kibology.
Jaffo
P.S. God knows. this newsgroup hasn't had a good *SPROING!* since Susan
Chalons did that blowjob post.
--
Announcing Jaffo's ALL-NEW web page! This page now incorporates
frames, colored banners, .wav files and Midi music!
Check it out!
Nick S Bensema
In article <33e9fbc3...@news.onramp.net>, Jaffo <ja...@onramp.net> wrote:
>From now on, I'm going to still use *PLONK* but I'm going to start using a new
>sound for autoselect.
>
>*SPROING!*
>
>So Matt, be proud, you have received the very first *SPROING!* response in
>alt.religion.kibology.
And I'm going to use "*chirp*" to signal the addition of points to my
scorefile, when I get one.
>P.S. God knows. this newsgroup hasn't had a good *SPROING!* since Susan
>Chalons did that blowjob post.
Was that before or after Bev's thread on cunnilingus?
I still have a copy of that under my mattress. And when I make billions of
dollars, I'm going to have a copy of it written in giant letters on the side
of a mountain.
--
N i c k B e n s e m a < n i c k b @ p r i m e n e t . c o m >
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
98-KUPD Red Card Holder #710563 Now with whitespace and tabdamage.
Andrew S. Gurk Damick
In alt.religion.kibology did Nick S Bensema a stately USENET-post decree:
: Was that before or after Bev's thread on cunnilingus?
: I still have a copy of that under my mattress. And when I make billions of
: dollars, I'm going to have a copy of it written in giant letters on the side
: of a mountain.
Of course, the problem with that thread is that, while it gave mountains
of encouragement for partners everywhere to engage in more cunnilingual
activity, it contributed nothing concerning technique or verbal assistance
from the recipient during the event. Thus, the "Shark Scene" in Chasing
Amy still stands.
--Gurk
--
_____________________________________________________gu...@ncsu.edu
"EVERY MORNING, I PLACE FIFTEEN CENTS ON TOP OF MY SKULL AND HAMMER
IT INTO MY HEAD WITH A BOX OF VERY OLD MARSHMALLOW PEEPS. I AM NOW
LEGALLY INSANE." --Didymos, Icon and Proverbial Prophet of Smerp
Jaffo
In alt.religion.kibology, on 5 Aug 1997 02:13:26 GMT, Andrew S. "Gurk" Damick
said:
:Of course, the problem with that thread is that, while it gave mountains
:of encouragement for partners everywhere to engage in more cunnilingual
:activity, it contributed nothing concerning technique or verbal assistance
:from the recipient during the event.
Please allow me, as a public service, to help you with this valuable skill.
==============================
Cunnilingus FAQ (in four sections)
Section 1 - Cunnilingus FAQ from Usenet
Eating a woman's pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for
her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her
cum like crazy. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most, it is
the easiest way to cum with a man. You may have the littlest dick on the
planet, but if you give great head, you will be appreciated as a fabulous
lover. Yes, it's that important. Besides, lots of women expect it these
days - you might as well know what your doing.
First off, guys seem to have a strange love/hate relationship with women's
genitalia. Guys that can't wait to get their dick into one are often
reluctant to put their face "down there". For every guy who says he loves
to eat pussy, there's another one who's squeamish. Women know this, and it
affects their ability to lay back and enjoy the experience. There is
nothing more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her
delicious. Don't be coy; te
ll her. When a guy fingers a lady and then
smells, licks, sucks the juice off his finger and sighs as if in heaven,
she _knows_ this is her lucky day.
What if your sweet lady doesn't smell or taste very sweet? Don't suffer.
(Don't complain, either.) Take a nice hot shower or bath together. Lather
up both of your bodies and slide them together. It's like a whole body
fuck. Soap up her vulva, washing between her outer and inner lips. Spread
her lips apart and gently wash her clitoris. Hey, don't stop - this feels
great! Run your soapy hand down the crack of her ass, and rub a finger all
around her anus. You can stick one finger in and wash around inside too,
if you anticipate any anal play, and I suggest you do. But don't put those
soapy fingers up her vagina. Instead, rinse them off well and stick one or
two inside, making a circular motion. Think about washing the inside of a
tall glass - same thing. Now wasn't that fun? And now you can feel free to
let your tongue wander anywhere it pleases...
So now wha
t? You've found a comfy spot to play, you've been kissing
passionately, your tongues darting around each other's mouths like playful
otters. You've moved down to nibble one of her hardening nipples and she's
starting to groan, grinding her pelvis against your stomach. STOP. I know
it was just starting to get good. But was she really groaning and humping
you, or was it your own excitement you were detecting? I strongly prefer
to be excited _before_ a guy starts plunging his tongue into my inner
recesses. Use your judgement, and kiss, lick, and fondle your way down her
stomach, up her thighs, until she's arching up her back trying to get you
to eat her. Of course, if she really _was_ groaning and grinding, go for
it...I also don't particularly enjoy a guy endlessly nibbling my inner
thigh while my clit is quivering in anticipation.
POSITIONS
If the woman you are with is somewhat hesitant about your going down on
her, start off with her lying on her back, perhaps half- sitting. Lay down
between her legs, with
her legs over your shoulders. She may enjoy laying
or sitting at the edge of the bed with you kneeling. She can also straddle
your face, but be prepared to get _very_ wet. There are endless varieties
of positions where you can press your face up to her cunt, some of which
strike me as more acrobatic than erotic, but feel free to experiment. And
then there's 69...
69 is one of my favorite positions. On the plus side, you both get to
enjoy the sublime sensations of getting head, simultaneously. The upside
down positioning of a woman's pussy and your mouth is an easy fit and
there's more room for your hands. On the negative side, it's a less than
ideal position for a woman to give head. Plus, if you need to read this
article, you may be better off concentrating your energies on pleasing
her, without too much distraction. But even for experienced 69'ers, it's
easy to short-change your partner. "It feels soooo good, I'm just gonna
stop for a second and concentrate on what you're...aaaarrrgghhh". Get the
picture
? Some show of will-power is in order.
69 can be done male on top, female on top, or side by side. The latter two
are easier, though it's more restful with both partners laying down. Some
women love being licked on all fours, so if female-on-top 69 drives her
wild, take the hint and find some other ways to eat her in this position.
I happen to enjoy male on top, but for many women this is a sure choking
position. If a woman can, or wants to try, to deep-throat you, this is THE
position. When her head is thrust back you can really slide your cock all
the way down her throat. But don't forget what _you're_ supposed to be
doing!
So there you are staring at it - the mysterious hole from whence you
came, and into which you hope to cum again... First, an anatomy
lesson...
THE CLITORIS
Before I go any further, a few words about the clitoris, accent on the
first syllable. Most of you know it, but for those who don't, it is THE
woman's sex organ, period. It may feel great to be fucked vaginally,
anally or otherw
ise, but if the stimulation is not right there, on the
clitoris, you're ignoring the place that's going to make her cum, and
presumably that's why you're reading this, right? It's right there at the
top juncture of her inner lips, a small knob of pink flesh. This is where
it's at boys, and don't forget it. Almost any licking and sucking of the
labia or vaginal entrance is going to feel just dandy; just remember that
this is pleasurable _teasing_, not the main event. I can't tell you how
many guys have thrust their tongues up my vagina thinking that this was
going to make me cum. They were wrong. Of course, with a little manual
stimulation....but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Women feel differently about how much direct stimulation they can take on
their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed
clits, others will shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is
completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is
still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it ind
irectly, such as
through her labia. IMPORTANT NOTE: Often, what is unacceptably rough at
first may be fine after she's very excited. The fact is, most women really
need a good bit of stimulation before a targeted attack on their clitoris,
but once they're there, that's where you want to devote your attention.
The key here is go slow, ask questions, and if she's comfortable with it,
leave the lights on and really explore. Body language often does tell what
feels best, but I promise, she will appreciate your attentiveness if you
ask outright. If she seems shy, get her to guide your hands and mouth with
her own hand, and pay attention. If she starts bucking up against your
mouth and gasping in ragged little breaths, for God's sake, don't use this
opportunity to try something different. Just keep doing exactly what
you're doing.
THE TONGUE
I want to reiterate, there is almost nothing you can do that won't feel
terrific, so relax! I promise, you may be confused and uncertain, but
she's in heaven. Any licking
and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance,
clitoris, or anal area is going to feel just great, and I'd no sooner tell
guys to "do it exactly like this" than I would tell every chef to follow
the same recipe. But for those who are compelled to RTFM, here are a few
techniques that you might like to try:
Try lapping her pussy from vaginal entrance up to her clit, leaving your
tongue soft and jaw relaxed. This is a good way to start your tonguing.
Run your tongue between the inner and outer labia on one side, while
holding the two together with your lips. Good job, now do the other side.
Fuck her pussy with your tongue - in and out, around and around, etc. This
feels nice. Not wonderful or incredible or earth-shaking; nice.
Spread her outer lips with your hand. Then, with your tongue pointed and
stiff, gently flick here and there. Feel free to roam, but keep coming
back to her clit. This drives some women wild, and others can't take it.
Some may prefer that you always leave your tongue soft, so when you
try
this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstacy or pain.
The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is
really hot (i.e. she's no longer coherent). These are very intense actions
which may be "too much" for some women, even when nearing orgasm.
With her clit still exposed, give it a quick little suck - pulling it into
your mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of
cake batter off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing
to do if you feel like torturing her (see PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER below).
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently (at first, anyway) suck
on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be
done very lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will
usually rapidly produce an intense orgasm.
Another choice technique involves rolling your tongue into a tube. If you
can't do this with your tongue, you can't learn it - it's genetic. For
those who can, this works be
st in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your
tongue into a tube _around_ the shaft of her clitoris. Slide it up and
down; in effect, your tongue makes a tiny pussy for her clit to fuck. This
also is likely to bring her over the edge.
FINGERS
Fingers are a valuable adjunct to eating pussy. Most women masturbate by
pressing a finger or fingers over their clit, possibly "thru" the skin of
their inner or outer lips, and vigorously rubbing in a circular or
back-and-forth direction. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to
ask, or better yet, have her show you how she likes it done. You will
never be a good lover until you can bring your woman to climax with your
hands. When you fuck her from behind, or up her ass, or really in any
position which doesn't allow her to simultaneously rub her vulva against
your body, reach down or around and rub her clit. I know it's distracting,
but just do it anyway. One important point to note: make sure that your
fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more uncomfort
able (and
sometimes downright painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed across one's
clitoris.
Of course, that's not all you can do with your fingers. One technique
which is very exciting is to spread her lips wide apart with one hand, and
with your index finger straight like a pencil, flick the side of it
rapidly across her clit. This motion alone will often bring a woman to
orgasm. Combining this with the addition of some tongue action elsewhere
is nothing short of bliss.
Sticking one or more fingers inside her vagina is also wonderful. You can
simply move them in and out (this feels best with at least two or three
fingers, pushed in hard), or wriggling them around. A particularly intense
motion is to face your hand so that you have two fingers inside her with
your palm facing the front of her body. Now move your fingers rapidly, as
if waving hello. You are aiming to stimulate a particular part of the
woman's vagina - namely the lower anterior (front) part. When combined
with sucking her clit, this is
nearly certain to bring her to a fast and
intense climax.
An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one (and later
two) fingers inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. I'm
talking about that fleshy "mound" over her pubic bone. Your finger goes in
and out and the ball of your hand is pressed hard against her vulva. You
may want to rub or even shake the entire area with your palm.
Fingers also do nice things to tight little butt holes, but that's a whole
other story...
ANAL PLAY
This stuff is purely optional. If anal play doesn't turn you on, don't do
it. If you're uncomfortable, she'll pick up on your feelings and start
wondering if it's her pussy that's turning you off. Don't feel that you
can't be a good lover without anal play; you can.
Cleanliness is of the essence. (remember that nice soapy shower?) Scoop
out some luscious juices (from a very wet pussy) with your finger and rub
it around her anus. (If she isn't well lubricated, saliva works too.) If
that's all you or
she feels comfortable with, fine - it still feels great.
But I think most women enjoy the feel of a finger pushed up their ass
while they're being fucked or eaten. You need to be gentle, possibly even
leaving your finger still. Try moving it in and out a little, or around
in a circle. If she starts moaning, you know you're doing something right.
It's really fun to feel a woman's anus rhythmically squeezing your finger
as she cums. (And it's great for her, too) You're probably thinking about
what that would feel like around your dick, and it's something you should
certainly explore. Ass-fucking is somewhat out of the scope of this
article, but suffice to say, if she doesn't like a finger up her butt, she
sure as hell won't want your big dick up there. Even if she does enjoy
this sort of play, she may still be somewhat apprehensive about putting
something so large up there. The keys to success are sufficient (i.e.
copious amounts of) lubrication (a water-soluble type such as K-Y, which
is safe for condoms),
relaxation on her part, and a slow, _gentle_,
approach. She'll certainly tell you if she wants you to thrust harder or
deeper. And remember, if you want to feel that delicious squeezing around
your cock, reach around and diddle that clit!
As for anallingus - why not? Don't feel like you HAVE to do it to satisfy
your woman. But if the idea turns you on, great. Let your tongue rove as
it pleases. It's not necessary to actually put your tongue inside her butt
to stimulate the area. Back and forth, around and around, you get the
picture.
One hygiene note: once that finger (or your penis) has been inside her
ass, don't even think about putting it anywhere else. Carelessness in this
regard can cause a horrendous infection.
MENSTRUATION
I haven't met a lot of men who are completely comfortable going down on a
woman when she has her period. But some are. Most women are at their
horniest before and sometimes during their period. You should definitely
find a way to make her cum when she's bleeding, be it thru i
ntercourse,
manual, or oral stimulation. If you feel comfortable going down on her,
great. It's perfectly safe. You may suggest that she insert a tampon, and
then wash up. (As you now know, you don't need to get anywhere near her
vagina to make her cum.) Or you could lay down a few old towels, turn out
the lights, and forget about it.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
I think variety is crucial. Some guy posted an article detailing a road
map of kissing and licking (first here, then here, etc.) Much better to do
the unexpected; sometimes a hungry, aggressive approach, other times a
laid-back, leisurely one. You can even even include your nose, or your
chin into the act. Start slow, that's the key, and let your lover guide
the speed of the crescendo. In all cases, start gently. Roughness and
clumsiness are big turn-offs. As she gets more and more excited, pay more
attention to her clitoris. When she's three breathes away from cumming,
moving your mouth off or away from her clit is agony. That's fine if
you're intenti
onally torturing her, just understand that this is what you
are doing. The only prohibition is to be reasonably gentle with her clit.
Nibbling or biting is fine elsewhere, but we're talking about a
_sensitive_ spot.
Speaking of prolonging the agony... I think this is great fun. Bring your
partner just to the edge of orgasm, and _stop_. This is not easy unless
you really know your lover well. Instead, just have her help you. Say,
"Grab my head and stop me just before you think you're gonna cum." Then
take your sweet time. Blow on her clit, take it into your mouth just
briefly, flick it just the very slightest bit. You will have this woman
squirming and moaning like she's dying. Finger her deeply, enjoy the
ecstasy you are imparting, and finally, have pity. Let the poor woman cum.
UUUUNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! (or, I'M COMING!!!)
Okay, she's practically suffocating you, she's pressed so hard against
your face; she's screaming and bucking up in the air; you feel her pussy
contracting wildly - how long should yo
u keep it up?? The simple answer
is, until she makes you stop. Some women may stop you after five seconds
from the start of their climax, others may be able to roll right into
another orgasm if you keep going. Do come up for air, but remember, her
excitement does not drop off as sharply as yours does. Play it safe by
continuing the stimulation.
How many times does she need to cum? Some women are very content to have
one orgasm. A whole lot of women would really like to cum again, but need
about five minutes to recoup. Many women are so sensitive right after they
cum that they may push your head violently away. This doesn't necessarily
mean they've had enough, only that you need to stop for a few minutes. In
fact most women, given a short rest between, are capable of cumming again
and again. A smaller percentage of women are able to cum repeatedly with
continued stimulation. This is the much-touted multiple-orgasm that is
experienced by a minority of women. I know this makes it difficult to know
when enough
is enough, but there's a simple answer: ask her.
GODI'MSOEXCITEDITFEELSGREATBUTIJUSTCAN'TCOME
It happens to all of us sometimes - distraction, embarrassment, anxiety,
or just an inability to "let go". What do you do about it? The first
question is, can she easily bring herself to a climax in the privacy of
her own home. If the answer is no - then she needs to do some homework.
There are two books on the subject that I know of: "For Yourself: The
Fulfillment of Female Sexuality" by Lonnie Barbach, and "Sex for One: The
Joy of Selfloving" by Betty Dodson; pick up one. Then tell her to read it,
study it, and practice, practice, practice!
Now if your partner is orgasmic only when alone - ask her point blank: "Is
there something different I can do?" Many women are shy about criticizing
their lovers, but if asked outright will surprise you with a very specific
answer. It may be a simple matter of mechanics, like a little to right
please, or not so rough, or more pressure and faster. Ah... perfect.
But suppos
e everything is wonderful. She says you're doing everything
right but she just can't cum. There are two probable causes: self-
consciousness and/or self-loathing. For women who can't help watching
themselves, the best approach is to eliminate anything that focuses her
attention on what the two of you are doing. This is a "be here now" kind
of thing - definitely not an introspective activity. Get that mirror off
the ceiling. Dim the lights or turn them off completely. Put on some soft
music. Share a glass of port. (I said A glass - getting drunk will
definitely not help). Have her lay on her back, or propped up comfortably
with some pillows. This is not the time for her to sit on your face, or
the edge of the bed, or standing up against a wall. Arrange a time when
you can devote a long period to eating her pussy, and then just keep it
up. Forget everything I said about asking her questions - just close your
eyes and get into it. I know this can be a difficult and exhausting
exercise, but she will be extravaga
ntly thankful for your efforts. It gets
easier each time. If all else fails, get accustomed to masturbating
together. Gradually begin to add your stimulation to her own, right before
she's about to cum anyway. Over time, you can take over completely.
For women who themselves feel that their cunts are dirty or distasteful,
all of the above methods may be helpful, but the underlying issue must
also be addressed. I am amazed at how many women are ambivalent about
their own genitals. They don't love "that part" of their body, and they
can't believe that you would either. Yes, it is important to be clean. But
clean means a daily shower which includes washing the vulva. It doesn't
mean vainly attempting to remove every trace of smell or taste. The
natural fragrance and secretions of a healthy woman are beautiful and
erotic. Hopefully you agree (and if not, try hard to cultivate this
attitude). When she learns to love her pussy, she will be infinitely more
comfortable with your loving it too.
Section 2 - from g
rind.isca.uiowa.edu
GUIDE TO ORAL SEX
by Anonymous
How to Eat Pussy
Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy
because there are too few of you out there. And I'm not the only woman who
says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college
try
are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a
woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going
to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She
won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most
popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can
usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it
made.
Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's
most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like
her
body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell
her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her
legs.
Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn't it? There is
nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. I've seen
plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some
are tucked inside like a little girl's cunnie and some have thick luscious
lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and
others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman's unique
qualities and tell her what makes her special.
Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during
love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you
talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you're
petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.
Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her
inner
lips, eve
n lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until
you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you
guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her
capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her
foreskin.
Whenever you touch a woman's pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You
can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means,
to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn't have any juices of it's
own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry
and
that hurts. But you don't want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up
to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled.
Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be
teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss
it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to
her pussy,
then float away. Make her anticipate it.
Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face
into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to
further excite her. After you've done this to the point where your lady is
bucking up from her seat and she's straining to get more of you closer to her,
then put your lips right on top of her slit.
Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her
pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the
layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands.
Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently.
Tongue-fuck her. This feels define. It also teases the hell out of
her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out.
See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of it's covering. If so,
lick it. If you can't see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath.
So bring your tongue up
tot he top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may
barely experience it's presence. But even if you can't feel the tiny pearl,
you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and
press into her skin.
Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the
clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to
shudder. When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips
into an O and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck gently and watch
your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck
harder.
If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into
the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don't fight her.
Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don't let go. That's what
she'll be saying too: 'Don't stop. Don't ever stop!'
There's a reason for that, most men stop too soon. Just like with
cock
sucking, this is something worth learni
ng about and worth learning to do well.
I know a man who's a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like
nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all
over him.
But back to your pussy eating session...There's another thing you can
do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's
enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, curing or after. She'll really
like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has
another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you
rub up against when you're fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far
away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.
Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and
therefore can't get deep enough. Make sure they're wet so you don't irritate
her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her
with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen
to her breathing.
She'll let you know what to do. If you're sucking her clit and
finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more
stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can
count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check
her out for symptoms. Each woman is unique. You may have one who's
nipples get hard when she's excited or only when she's having an orgasm.
Your girl might flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms
and you'll be a more sensitive lover.
When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven's sakes, don't let go of
that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from
the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving
your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your
fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are
extremely
sensitive just now.
If you play your cards right, you'll get s
ome multiple orgasms this
way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's had an orgasm. Do you
realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was
clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have
on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She'd be yours as long as you wanted her.
The last advice I have for you is this: After you've made her come,
made her your slave by giving her the best head she's ever had, don't leave
her
alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep
making
love to her quietly until she's come all the way down. A man can get off and
go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a
woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few
moments after sex.
Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have.
But
it's what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your
lover's signals, and most of all, enjoy yo
urself.
Section 3 - from alt.sex.wizards, by morp...@mit.edu
ORAL SEX TECHNIQUES - FEMALE (Version 1.0)
TASTE:
In my experience, one of the main reasons that partners avoid
female oral sex is due to a percieved or even experienced poor taste.
While it is true that women run the range from pleasant (tasty!) to sour
or uric tasting, there are easy steps to ensure that your partner will
be tasting her sweetest.
First and most obviously, a good vigorous shower will do much to
neutralize the taste of your partner. In fact, oral sex in the shower,
while not a favorite method of mine, has a completely neutral taste if
you stick to the upper regions of your partner's sex. If your partner
has not showered recently, or has physically exerted herself recently,
her taste will be much stronger. This, however, can be a good thing!
Secondly, foreplay will improve upon both the taste and the
experience in general if your can get her juices flowing. I have never
found an extremely aroused,
wet woman to taste unpleasant. Quite the
contrary!
FOREPLAY:
Do it! Take your time! Have fun! Experiment! A common male
misunderstanding is that females are aroused most through physical contact.
Not true. I have aroused women greatly simply by acting sexy. Tension is a
wonderful tool, use it. If you can build tension to the point where the
barest touch sends electric shivers through both of you, you can't lose!
Similarly, even the best love techniques will not turn on a woman who isn't
in the mood. (If you can get her in the mood, well then you're talking.)
Take your time, explore your partner (there's a lot more there
than nipples and a clitoris!), build tension, have fun.
POSITIONS:
There are two basic positions that I have found very versitile and
succesful. For a very comfortable session, have her lie on her back with
legs spread and knees bent slightly. Lie on your stomach between her legs,
put your right arm under her left leg and your left arm under her right
-
somewhat of an intimate hug. Now you should find your head situated
conveniently and comfortably near the center of your attention.
Less comfortable, but a bit wilder is the following. Lie on your
back, prop a couple of pillows (or fold one over) under your head. Have
your partner kneel facing you with one knee on each side of your head, above
your shoulders. The sexy part of this position (IMHO) is that your partner
can look down at you and watch you eating her out. (Yum) Versatility and
comfort are reduced for the giver, so I only occasionally partake in this
position.
These are by no means the only positions. Again, experiment, have
fun. If you can find a bed where your partner can lie down with her legs
dangling off the bed and resting flat on the floor, you're in luck. Now
you can have her sit just at the edge of the bed, lie back, and give you
plenty of access while you kneel/sit in front of her sex.
GEOGRAPHY:
Woman are very different in some respects of their ge
nitalia, but
the major parts are the same. A woman's sex from the oral sex point of view
consists of two sets of lips (outer and inner) that meet just below the
vaginal opening and some variable distance above the clitoris; the vaginal
opening (immediately above the nether meeting of above-mentioned lips), a
smooth section of skin between the vaginal opening and the clitoris (I have
no clue as to its technical name, hereafter it will be refered to as the
"scav") and the clitoris and its surrounding folds.
If you get the chance, explore your partner in a location with decent
lighting. Use your hand to spread her sex and explore her, find out what's
where and what's what. Like I said earlier, women are different. Especially
the location and shape of the clitoris. It can be buried, protruding,
surrounded by many folds of flesh, or hanging out it the open. The best
method I have found for finding your partner's clitoris (If all else fails,
ask!), is to place a finger at the very base of her sex and
gently run it up
her scav until you feel a slight bump. That's it.
OK, ENOUGH OF THE DETAILS, NOW THE NITTY-GRITTY (tm)
So your partner is showered, excited and feeling sexy. It's the
big moment, what to do? Don't simply dive in. Take your time, excite
her. In my opinion, I can usually tell how good my partner is at oral sex
by how she "goes down" on me. By "going down" I mean the process by which
she goes from kising my lips to sucking oh-so-wonderfully on my sex.
Depending on your partner, different methods of going down will
work more effectively. If you've gotten to this point with your partner,
you should have a fair idea of what she likes. Take advantage of that
knowledge. One thing that I highly recommend however, is a sexy look.
Sexy looks can make all the difference, and the best place to throw one in
is as you're licking, sucking and kissing your way down her stomach stop,
look up and smile devilishly.
Unbutton your partners jean's, pull the tabs back and kis
s her newly
exposed flesh. Unzip her pants, pull the tabs back as far as they can go and
place light, tender kisses on her abdomen and around the top of her panties.
Watch it, some women are very ticklish here!
(Note the above doesn't work so well if she doesn't have jeans on
but you're all smart enough to figure it out...) Once you've removed
everything but her panties, stop. You have a unique opportunity for further
arousal. Kiss her legs and inner thighs with gentle kisses. Work your way
up each leg and make a point of stopping at the line of her underwear. Kiss
again along the top of her underwear, and along the other two borders.
Now move to her cotton (silk? lace? latex?) covered sex. Plant firm,
dry kisses through her underwear on her sex, low and right around the
vaginal entrance works best for me. If your partner is really excited, often
her underwear will be damp and will smell (pleasantly) of her sex.
Removing the underwear is again a matter of choice. You know y
our
partner best, I prefer either gently sliding it all the way off with my
fingers, or pulling it part way down with my teeth first.
DIRECT KISSING:
It is not unusual for your partner's lips to be closed together. A
very excited woman's lips may be slightly spread allready ("pouting").
Again, building tension can be accomplished by light kisses on either side
of her sex as well as light blowing. (Do not inflate your partner! This
can be very dangerous!!) Spreading her lips can be accomplished by placing
your tongue first at the base of her sex, and then firmly running your
tongue all the way up. Continue with a few long licks from the base of her
sex all the way to the top past her clitoris. Vary the firmness of your
tongue from hard and pointed to broad and soft.
THE BIG "O":
The best and most proven method of making your partner cum through
oral sex is by repeated, rythmic stroking of her clitoris with your tongue.
The tongue is uniquely suited for this purpose because of it's te
xture,
versatility, and pliability. It is difficult (and tiring) to apply too
much pressure to your partner's clitoris. Some women are much more sensitive
than others however. Be receptive to any sharp gasps, you could be being too
affectionate. If this is the case, move away from direct contact or adopt
a gentler technique.
Repeated, rythmic stroking can be accomplished in a variety of ways.
I prefer either rapid, repeated verticle licks with a firm, pointed tongue,
or planting your tongue firmly against your partner's clitoris and
vigorously shaking your head back and forth. (Tiring, maybe. But it's worth
it!) If you are having trouble finding the correct angle or method for
rhythmically lingually carresing her clitoris, or if you want to try
something fun and new:
Toungue the abc's. No seriously! This is a great oral excercise on
any part of the body. Toungue the abc's starting with lower case, and moving
though upper case. (Heck, you could do the whole ANSI ASCII set if you'd
l
ike!) Be especially perceptive while you do this, vary your speed and watch
for sharp intakes of breath - chances are you've hit the right angle. The
abc's give a large variety of different strokes, so come back to this
excersize as often as you'd like.
A general rule of thumb (tongue?) is to start slow and pick up the
pace as you go along. This is definately a general rule though, feel free
to break it by varying your rhythm, both slowly and predictably as well as
quickly and startlingly.
OTHER FUN THINGS TO DO:
Lick between the inner and outer lips; penetrate the vagina deeply
(a much stronger, iron-like taste here); "tease" the entrance to her vagina
with rapid pokes of your toungue at varying depths; don't forget your hands,
often a woman will feel a need or ache for something inside of her while
very aroused, oblige her with a finger or two. Both kissing and manually
manipulating your partner is tough, anyone with succesful methods is welcome
to pipe in.
Talk to your partner
, ask her what she likes. Experiment (if you can)
with many different partners. What excites one woman a lot may not excite
another as much, but may still be well worth trying. On the other hand, you
may not notice a subtle pleasurable technique on one woman that can be easily
learned on another. The better you know your parnter, the more effectively
you can please her. Have fun!
A FINAL NOTE:
I tried to be a lot less pretentious than the male version of this
article for a few reasons. The major one is that women are very different,
the above suggestions may work wonderfully with one woman and so-so with
another. Some women simply aren't responsive to oral sex due to strong moral
constraints. Secondly, I am not an expert, though I love oral sex and have
had the joy of pleasuring 10-20 women. Third, I am still young (18) and
have a lot to learn.
So feel free to comment on what you've read (men and women) and
reply either over the net or to me personally. Thanks. Hope you found
thi
s helpfull and enjoy!
Section 4 - by Elf Sternberg
Q. What is cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the fine art of making love to a vagina with your
mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill, requiring patience,
practice, and dedication to get it right, but any woman you learn to
do it right for will appreciate you all the more for it.
What applies to the penis applies to the vulva-- every one is
different, requiring a different touch to make its owner happy. But
few tools can equal the tongue for the amount of pleasure it can
deliver to a happy vagina.
This article assumes that you know what a vulva looks like and can
identify with some precision the mons veneris, labia majora, clitoral
hood, clitoris, labia minora, urethra, vagina, and perineum, to name
them (approximately) from top to bottom.
Q. How fast should I go?
This isn't an attack. Don't go after the clitoris like a fireman
attacking a fire. Quite often at first, the clitoris is far too
sensitive for direct stimulation. Lick around it, st
imulating the
hood, teasing her inner labia, tasting her. Take your time and listen
to her. Some women make noise, and some do not. It will be a while
before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as far as oral sex
is concerned.
Some women may like additional stimulation-- a finger or two into the
vagina, or perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up
and play with her breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her
labia apart so that your tongue can get at her vulva more directly.
Q. I've heard cunnilingus doesn't taste good.
If the taste or smell bothers you or is a concern, ask her to wash
first. Most people who enjoy cunnilingus agree that a clean vagina is
a good, if acquired, taste.
As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In
general, fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing
climax-- but there shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time
and learn to appreciate what you can do for her.
Q. What about cunnilingus during
menstruation?
Some people are particularly turned off at the suggestion of
cunnilingus during menstruation. If it is a concern to you, then
wait. A tampon may well hold the blood back, as will a diaphragm, but
some men can't stand the taste anyway. If your partner is healthy,
however, there is no particular danger in menstrual blood, and some
women find that orgasms during their periods allievate cramps.
Section 5 - by Dryadae
In my experience, when you try to explain to a man "in the
moment" that he is doing oral sex (or sometimes anything) wrong,
often the result is a disaster. You aren't into it, because you
are trying to direct, and I guess for many guys it comes off as
simply insulting. It isn't a very "supportive process," to
borrow a friend's phraseology.
Example: "No, not there,...there..." (Quizzical looks, no
change in behavior.)
Now, if you go looking for diagrams of women's vaginas, you
will find yourself either looking at medical textbooks or
special references, such as
"Our Bodies, Ourselves" --- which,
is presented as a "for women only" sort of thing. The original
edition even gave this little rap to men about not buying it
"for" women. Yeesh! Good book, but talk about "attitude."
The new edition has thankfully dropped this negative
proscription.
You will sometimes NOT even find a clear picture of a woman's
vagina in a general sex reference, such as the original "The
Joy of Sex." And you won't find a discussion of the parts of
the vulva in most places. Now, go look for a picture of a man's
penis that is reasonably edifying, and you'll find them all
over. I only discovered this when I tried to look it up, and
since I had never purchased "Our Bodies, Ourselves," I was SOL
(corrected that, recently). I however, and all women, have a
ready-made "reference manual," provided we have gotten over
the idea, or never had it, that looking at it will somehow be a
"bad thing." Men don't have this reference manual readily "at
hand," at least if their partner, if th
ey have one, is not
immediately available and cooperative.
I have also read, and just reread, the Cunnilingus FAQ. Though
it seemed excellent in terms of mood, style of approach, all
the "beginning" stuff, I found when I applied her technique
suggestions to me and my experience as a recipient, or my
experience as a giver, it was a bit short on specifics.
I am sure the described approach works very well for the
woman who wrote it :), but I have a few things that seem
unsaid.
Explanation of the Vulva geared to Men and
Quick General Guide to some Cunnilingus Techniques
(Copyright 1995 by Karen Chapdelaine)
So, you have gone through all the beginning motions, taking a
reasonable amount of time, and you are starting to "get down
to business." First, PLEASE turn on the lights. Working in
the dark is for experts at best. I am assuming you are sitting
between her legs, facing her, or some variation on this.
Now really LOOK at what is there. Where her hair is (or was,
some people shave) is the m
ons veneris, the pubic mound. If
she is not aroused, everything is likely, but not guaranteed,
to be enclosed within the outer lips or labia majora, the edges
of the pubic mound that comes together to enclose her vulva.
As you spread this apart (she can bring her knees up and out,
and/or you can use your hands), you will now see the inner
folds of skin of the vulva, the inner lips or labia minora.
These (usually) go all around the vaginal opening, and come
in a variety of interesting and pleasing shapes and textures.
As you observe that this encircles the vaginal opening, at the
top of this you will find what might look like a button or
might look like a very tiny penis, covered by an additional
flap of skin. The flap of skin is the "hood" of the clitoris,
and is very sensitive, as is the clitoris. This is the female
equivalent of the male foreskin, though it is much looser than
that corresponding organ.
If you see what looks like a button underneath the hood, then
what you are seeing is the
glans of the clitoris, exactly
equivalent to your own penis glans, or head of the penis. If
you see a bit more than that, then there is probably some
of the shaft of the clitoris extending in your partner. I
stress this since most men would not be particularly
enthused by a blow job that only gave attention to their
penis head and extended not a centimeter below there. Many
might find it annoying or even painful, depending on how rough
their partner is with them and how sensitive they are to
pain in that area. However, told "give attention to the
clitoris," by fable and book, many brave soldiers run to do
battle on the field of their woman's desires with their tongue,
only to find their partner is telling them to please stop, it
hurts, or it doesn't do anything for me. This may or may not
be a comment on your technique, some women don't like oral sex.
I would just like to suggest an approach that probably has a
higher average success rate.
The shaft of the clitoris is attached internally, back
into the
body of the woman. Pressure on the spot above the glans and
underneath the hood will generally give you access to the part
of the shaft equivalent to the part of your penis that is
towards your body, whereas underneath the glans will give
you access to the part of the shaft that is equivalent to
the part of your penis that is away from your body. It is likely
that the skin directly below the glans will be functionally
equivalent to what is for most men the most sensitive and
pleasurable part of the penis for play, and the inner vaginal
lips are also usually quite sensitive "in a good way." Going
down/in/back, you may or may not see the urethra, if you do this
is the location of the grafenberg spot (g-spot), which we have
all heard on this newsgroup is quite varied in response, some
women love stimulation there, others do not. Try licking your
tongue around there, if it is visible, and see, in the course
of your "investigations."
O.K., so now you have the picture. You did trim/file your nails
first, didn't you? Play with your hands, play with your mouth,
go all over, gently at first, increasing stimulation and focus as
her body responds, and coming in "closer on" the clitoral area
as she becomes more aroused. Lick, suck, point your tongue and
apply pressure, use it like a "miniature penis" under the glans,
penetrating her as you go, make little circles with your tongue,
lick up and down along the skin in front of the clitoris, up and
down the inner vaginal lips, etc. These are ideas, find some
others, listen to her responses and comments. Remember to GO
SLOW --- I believe impatience and expectations of quick response
are "generally recognized as" the most common error in sexual
encounters. Eventually the clitoris will become probably become
erect, and stimulation that is "more direct" (like enclosing your
mouth on the area and gently sucking) will stimulate a sufficient
amount of the organ in question to be interesting. Watch what
you are doing, and what happens, the entire area
will become
"engorged" and swollen if things are proceeding closer to orgasm.
Some women may not, or may prefer not, to orgasm this way.
Most will probably, however, enjoy the experience a great deal.
Hopefully this "explanation and comparison" to the corresponding
male body parts will allow you to not be (still) in the dark with
the lights on.
--
The neat thing about anarchists is you can keep beating the crap out
of them, and they won't call the police on principle. -- SWT
Andrew S. Gurk Damick
In alt.religion.kibology did Jaffo a stately USENET-post decree:
: Please allow me, as a public service, to help you with this valuable skill.
I've seen those FAQs before (there are also a number of excellent pieces
of printed matter published on the subject), but I'm proud of you, Jaffo!
You have shown that you are NOT AFRAID to talk openly and frankly about a
PERSONAL ISSUE. You put your comfort zone on the line and got in touch
with your inner anger and power! You are empowered! You have synergy!
And a Lexus!
E.Holmes
On 8 Aug 1997 20:02:03 GMT, gu...@ncsu.edu (Andrew S. "Gurk" Damick) wrote:
/In alt.religion.kibology did Jaffo a stately USENET-post decree:
/
/: Please allow me, as a public service, to help you with this valuable skill.
/
/I've seen those FAQs before (there are also a number of excellent pieces
/of printed matter published on the subject), but I'm proud of you, Jaffo!
/You have shown that you are NOT AFRAID to talk openly and frankly about a
/PERSONAL ISSUE. You put your comfort zone on the line and got in touch
/with your inner anger and power! You are empowered! You have synergy!
/And a Lexus!
I am the road.
Stephen Tanner
On Thu, 14 Aug 1997 19:59:13 GMT, "Jess Allan"
<jess...@jasminum.mv.com> wrote:
>
>> And as a silly question, has this ever been used to pass sekrit messages?
>> PGP-encrypted messages? TCP packets? Someone should submit an RFC.
>If there is a female out there that can understand PGP written on her
>vagina and translate it with a public key in her mind during sex,
^^^^^^
ITYM "pubic".
>vagina and translate it with a public key in her mind during sex, she has a
>much more complicated sex life than I or anyone else posting to this ng
>does. :) Except for Kibo, maybe.
Me, I just go hang out with other mathematicians at the Moebius Strip
Bar. Since the girls' clothes only have one side, they're always both
inside and outside their outfits, and so they're not technically
stripping. Zoning laws can always be thwarted by horny topologists.
--
Stephen Will Tanner (tan...@math.wisc.edu)
Nick S Bensema
In article <01bca8ec$ebc2ed60$1c0416cf@Pjasminum>,
Jess Allan <jess...@jasminum.mv.com> wrote:
>> I know how to write Japanese. Just thought I'd mention that. Do women
>> prefer hiragana over katakana?
>Katakana for me.
How about kanji, or does that take too long?
>> And as a serious question, when men do this, can women "read" what
>they're
>> "writing"?
>Some. It depends on sensitivity, which is more or less uncontrollable, but
>sort of varies with level of pleasure.
I wonder if a magazine article has been published on it. Or an
alt.sex.stories post or Penthouse letter...
>> And as a silly question, has this ever been used to pass sekrit messages?
>> PGP-encrypted messages? TCP packets? Someone should submit an RFC.
>If there is a female out there that can understand PGP written on her
>vagina and translate it with a public key in her mind during sex, she has a
>much more complicated sex life than I or anyone else posting to this ng
>does. :) Except for Kibo, maybe.
The big question though: if someone wrote up an RFC for transmitting TCP
packets through cunnilingus, would it be published?
You know, I think we've discussed this so much in this froup, and I'm SO
PSYCHED about it, I'm almost looking forward to giving head more than
getting it. Almost. It would be the first skill I know that could be
used to impress women, though admittedly I'll have to use other means
until I reveal that skill. I can't exactly go around with a video player
and say "hey, I can do this!"
Michael Straight
On Thu, 14 Aug 1997, Stephen Tanner wrote:
> Zoning laws can always be thwarted by horny topologists.
SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT