UF SD: The Chicken, the Gold Watch, and Everything [FanFic][Parody]
Kelly St. Clair
[Note: This is in no way an official UF story. Kelly sent it in, and I
think it is funny. And UF has gotten big enough that a parody isn't going
to hurt anything. Though I have a feeling Gryph is going to grumble, but
then, he does that. It's one of his lovable little habits. ;-) -Zoner]
UNDOCUMENTED FEATURES SD
"The Chicken, the Gold Watch, and Everything"
Perpetrated by
Kelly St.Clair
Based on
Undocumented Features
by lots of people
and
ANIMANIACS
by Warner Bros.
Fade in on:
The bridge of the SDF-17 (Super Deformed Fortress) WAYWARD SON. The
usual cast is at their stations: SD Gryphon, SD MegaZone, SD ReRob,
SD Kei, SD Yuri, etc.
q (to Zoner, in the captain's chair): "Like, message coming in from
Utopia Planitia."
Zoner: "On screen."
The face of SD Lord Farvegnugen fills the main viewscreen.
Lord F: "HELLO, MY WEDGE RATS!"
Loose bits of bridge furniture and a few Rats go flying from the force
of Wolfgang's greeting.
Gryphon (to q): "Gyaah! Turn it down!"
q: "Sorry, it's at, like, minimum volume already."
Lord F: "I WANTED TO TELL YOU YOU'LL BE GETTING A VERY SPECIAL VISITOR
TODAY! AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE, BY THE NAME OF... EDISON BOO!"
Everyone on the bridge gasps.
All: "Edison Boo?"
Zoner: "I heard he was a time traveller from the far far future!"
Kei: "I heard he wanders the universe, dispensing immortality!"
SD Vaughn (Reality) speaks up from the back of the room.
Vaughn: "I heard he was a giant chicken."
A pause, as everyone else gets big sweat drops, including the image of
Lord Farvegnugen.
All (to Vaughn): "Baka!" "C'mon, Vaughn, get a clue!" "That's the
stupidest thing I've ever..."
Vaughn shrugs and walks through the nearest wall.
Lord F: "EXPECT HIM SHORTLY, MY CHILDREN. BUT NOW, I HAVE OTHER
THINGS I MUST ATTEND TO!"
Zoner: "Thanks for calling, Wolfgang!"
Lord F (cupping a hand to his ear): "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Zoner shakes his head, and everyone waves. Lord F waves back, and
cuts the transmission.
Yuri (to Kei): "I wonder what he looks like..."
Suddenly a doorway - a flat black rectangle, with a blue glow around
the edges - opens in mid-air. An outlandish figure steps out: a
rooster as big as a SD human, wearing the shirt, vest and tie of a
gentleman of the late 1800s and a pair of spectacles. He looks
around curiously as the time portal closes behind him.
Boo: "Ba-cawk!"
Zoner (formally): "Mr. Boo..."
Boo: "Bawk."
Zoner: "Edison, then. I'm honored to meet you."
Boo ignores Zoner's offered hand, turning and wandering aimlessly around
the bridge. He acts just like a normal chicken that someone has dressed
up, cocking his head and pecking at things.
Zoner looks confused. ReRob leans over to him.
ReRob: "Time traveller, man. Different customs."
Gryphon approaches Boo and puts an arm around his neck (Boo doesn't
exactly have shoulders, being a chicken).
Gryphon: "Edison, I wonder if you could help me..."
Boo clucks questioningly in reply.
Gryphon (hushed): "See, Zoner's birthday is coming up soon, and he's
been feeling a little depressed lately. I want to get him something
really special, and I was thinking... how about immortality?"
Boo: "Buk buk ba-CAWK!"
Gryphon: "Great!"
Gryphon slaps Boo on the back, and his glasses fall to the deck. As
Gryphon reaches for Boo's wing to shake it, he looks at the time
traveller again...
Gryphon: (gasp!)
All: (gasp!) "He really IS a giant chicken!"
Vaughn sticks his head and shoulders back through the bulkhead.
Vaughn: "Told you."
Boo looks around nervously at the others, who are now brandishing guns,
big wooden mallets, and a Bloody Card(tm).
Boo (grinning hopefully, as well as a chicken can): "Buh-cawk?"
All: "GET HIM!"
A typical SD chase sequence through the corridors of the WAYWARD SON
follows.
Voiceover (sung by chorus):
You wear a disguise to look like Detian guys,
But you're not a man, you're a Chicken, Boo.
Fade out.
--------------------------
Kelly St.Clair I'm also working on something serious
kstc...@cie-2.uoregon.edu for UF. Honest.
Enrique Conty
Kelly St. Clair is insane. I really respect that.
GREAT STUFF!! ^_^
P.S. If Vaughn is supposed to be Reality, we're in *serious* trouble...
--
E n r i q u e C o n t y
The Original
co...@mcs.com
Rei Nakazawa
Oh, no! ANOTHER Animaniacs fan here! Not that that's a bad thing,
but geez... Great stuff, though. Keep up the good work! Anyone
ELSE want to try anything funny? [Zoner (knocking on door): Anyone
home! I need help! (Door opens.) Slappy Squirrel: Whaddya want?
Zoner: Ooohh, boy...]
BTW, if anyone wants to help me edit my Ranma script "Hammer Time
and Hammerspace", let me know. Always looking for critical eyes...
Rei "Leaper" Nakazawa
Who thought "Type Mismatch Error" was bad...
[I don't know, I thought it was pretty good. -Zoner]
Vaughn Gross
Good Morning..
Article: 648 of rec.arts.anime.stories
>Kelly St. Clair is insane. I really respect that.
i have no problems with insanity... and well... i'd really rather that the
people i was friends with were insane... so.. that is fine..
>GREAT STUFF!! ^_^
here.. i beg to differ...
okay.. i wanna lodge an offical protest for a couple things...
1. i HATE Boo... absolutely hate him... it the one thing on Animaniacs that
i cannot stand... i change the channel or leave the room when it appears..
[Note: I hate Boo too, he is the only A! character I REALLY hate. But I
still thought the story was good. -Zoner]
2. as far as i know... all the authors have respected me in this.. i usually
get notification and final okay'ing on my parts in stories.. tho the
okay'ing doesn't have to be there... i darn well expect a copy of what
was written if i show up... (i just wanna know how i am portrayed...
after all... i don't wanna come across as some nutcase..)
[Note: Vaughn as the note said it wasn't an official UF story. It was
a parody done on the whim of the author. I think it should just be taken
in good humor. -Zoner]
basically the reason for #2 is that i may or may not react in any given way
to any situation (as it is in the stories), so i like my character to be
as close to me as it can... to give a (hopefully) accurate representation...
so... basically regarding one.. in light of two... i can just say arg...
(tho if any more animaniacs show up i would dearly love to meet Pinky and
the Brain..)
and pleasepleaseplease don't associate me with Boo
>P.S. If Vaughn is supposed to be Reality, we're in *serious* trouble...
where do you think i got the name?
sheesh...
i am the living embodiment of the concept of the word reality...
(don't ask me... i just work here..)
there are numerous other reasons... but my duties include mantaining the
universe... which i take seriously, when i remember that i am supposed to..
(meaning remember that i have the duty... and that i should take it
seriously... tho i rarely do both at once..)
[Note: This is starting to stray away from being a discussion of the
story. If you want to take it further away, please use email. If you
want to discuss this, or any other story directly, feel free to use RAAS.
-Zoner]
Paladin (ever shifting bearlike being....)
Reality | " Wouldn't you laugh if your head exploded???
| No.... I guess you wouldn't.....
pal...@wpi.wpi.edu | I would." (Nosage, June 91)
human is the foulest name i can ever call a person......