A Pageant Contestant for ASGX
Lee S. Bumgarner
> >>I totally love living with a man whose idea of sexy lingerie is a
> >>T-shirt with no bra underneath. I own one pair of 2" pumps that I
> >>haven't worn in years, and I've never even tried on a corset or a
> >>garter belt. Ten points for Chuck for this one.
Say Kia, what do you think of this?
> >
> >Corsets, bah! High heels ... BAH! Ever tried having sex while
> >wearing heels? Sheer agony.
As oppose, to, say, sheer panty-hose.
> You know, I really like pretty lingerie, but if it isn't comfortable to
> wear, fuck it. I have a corset that I really like looks-wise, and it's fun
^^^^^^^
> to wear dancing (especially after you reach that "dancer's high" after a
> few hours in which you don't think about anything other than how much you
> want to dance....) but any other time, it's uncomfortable after about 20
> minutes. Hopefully, after 20 minutes, I won't have any need to wear
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> it....;)
^^^^^^^^
Hmm, I wonder if there is a connection? And guys say womym don't talk
about SEX!
-l
__
Undertoad: http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ "Klaatu barada nictow" * "Usenet
is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to
redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts
of excrement when you least expect it. " --sp...@cs.purdue.edu (1992) * Jesus
loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole * Kibo/Furr in '96!
K.M. Mennie
In article <4oi73l$e...@doc.jmu.edu>,
Lee S. Bumgarner <bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu> lost all attributions and wrote:
:> >>I totally love living with a man whose idea of sexy lingerie is a
:> >>T-shirt with no bra underneath. I own one pair of 2" pumps that I
:> >>haven't worn in years, and I've never even tried on a corset or a
:> >>garter belt. Ten points for Chuck for this one.
:Say Kia, what do you think of this?
This? I take it it's Patti publicly fellating Chuck again?
Myself, I'm developing a little paranoia w.r.t. underwear; the kind I like
-- tasteful and skimpy cotton -- is so incredibly hard to find amidst all
the nylon shit that I have to believe that of North American women, 2%
have cotton like me, 18% have cotton underwear the size of bedsheets, 10%
have `other,' and the rest are all NYLON folk; half bedsheet-size nylon,
and the remaining 35% are the people who buy the nylon "underwear" with
nothing but a string to go up your butt. Why bother?
Anyway, it produces the same sort of shame I feel when shoe-shopping,
swearing audibly because _everything_ comes with a heel, and...
It's like everything else, I guess. Nylon g-strings and high heels, or
boxer shorts and birkenstocks: no middle ground. Curses!
:Hmm, I wonder if there is a connection? And guys say womym don't talk
:about SEX!
You know, I like your posts because they have this elusive quality one
only sees when one tries really hard, and because they have this sort of
wide-eyed wonder about everything. I picture you saying `Wow!' a lot.
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+----------*--+
<http://aaln.org/ht_lit/> <news:alt.fan.kia-mennie>
<http://superior.carleton.ca/~kmennie> <mailto:k...@aaln.org>
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+-----------*--+
`...death threat and fruit cocktail...'
Lee S. Bumgarner
> Someone opined once that it's a turn-on for men because women in heels
> can't run away (i.e. they're trapped, victims,etc...) What do you think,
> guys? I personally think that it's because it gives us gals that
> ellongated silhouette that says our legs go on forever. That and the
> illusion that we can squish men into little pieces if we don't like what
> they're doing. 8>)
Actually, its the way it makes the bare leg look. It makes the muscles
flex attracively.
Lee S. Bumgarner
> :Hmm, I wonder if there is a connection? And guys say womym don't talk
> :about SEX!
> You know, I like your posts because they have this elusive quality one
> only sees when one tries really hard, and because they have this sort of
> wide-eyed wonder about everything. I picture you saying `Wow!' a lot.
Actually, I don't. In real life I'm pretty sedate. Ok, so I got near
orgasmic the first time I saw a color lasor printer. Big deal.
-l
compliment. back. handed.
KiboL
K.M. Mennie wrote:
> Myself, I'm developing a little paranoia w.r.t. underwear; the kind I like
> -- tasteful and skimpy cotton -- is so incredibly hard to find amidst all
> the nylon shit that I have to believe that of North American women, 2%
> have cotton like me, 18% have cotton underwear the size of bedsheets, 10%
> have `other,' and the rest are all NYLON folk; half bedsheet-size nylon,
> and the remaining 35% are the people who buy the nylon "underwear" with
> nothing but a string to go up your butt. Why bother?
There was a point in time I thought I was going to have to learn
how to make my own because I hate nylon & couldn't find cotton
(except the huge ones you mention). Just before my last few fell
apart I discovered that Sears sells cotton in all styles, including
the bikini. Try Sears.
> Anyway, it produces the same sort of shame I feel when shoe-shopping,
> swearing audibly because _everything_ comes with a heel, and...
And the heels are all spike heels & have pointy toes. The worst
sort of shoe for the foot. When you do find low/no heels & decent
toes, they are ugly - but only in the U.S. I was in England last
summer & noticed that very few shoes in the stores were pointy toed
spikes. Looking in a very classy shoe store I found beautiful stylish
shoes with low heels, wider heels, and rounder toes that your foot
would fit into nicely. I am not a shoe collecter, but was in awe at
the totally different style concept.
E.Holmes
Katherine A Shecora-Mayer
KiboL (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
: K.M. Mennie wrote:
:
: > Myself, I'm developing a little paranoia w.r.t. underwear; the kind I like
: > -- tasteful and skimpy cotton -- is so incredibly hard to find amidst all
: > the nylon shit that I have to believe that of North American women, 2%
: > have cotton like me, 18% have cotton underwear the size of bedsheets, 10%
: > have `other,' and the rest are all NYLON folk; half bedsheet-size nylon,
: > and the remaining 35% are the people who buy the nylon "underwear" with
: > nothing but a string to go up your butt. Why bother?
: There was a point in time I thought I was going to have to learn
: how to make my own because I hate nylon & couldn't find cotton
: (except the huge ones you mention). Just before my last few fell
: apart I discovered that Sears sells cotton in all styles, including
: the bikini. Try Sears.
Right now, I am wearing GLoria Vanderbilt cotton undies that I got in a
six pack at a warehouse club. Comfy.
: > Anyway, it produces the same sort of shame I feel when shoe-shopping,
: > swearing audibly because _everything_ comes with a heel, and...
: And the heels are all spike heels & have pointy toes. The worst
: sort of shoe for the foot. When you do find low/no heels & decent
: toes, they are ugly - but only in the U.S. I was in England last
: summer & noticed that very few shoes in the stores were pointy toed
: spikes. Looking in a very classy shoe store I found beautiful stylish
: shoes with low heels, wider heels, and rounder toes that your foot
: would fit into nicely. I am not a shoe collecter, but was in awe at
: the totally different style concept.
When I was in Belgium a few years ago, I noticed the same thing. I
suspect that because Europeans are not as car dependent as North
Americans, there is a genuine need for comfortable and stylish walking
shoes. Ergo, the producers meet market demand.
: E.Holmes
--
Kathy S.M. aka "Katherine Shecora-Mayer, MSW"
Three is the Magic Number by Schoolhouse Rock via Blind Mellon
Check out my <A HREF="dolphin.upenn.edu/~shecoram">home pages!</A>
Not affiliated with Shecora Associates International (c), a company
located somewhere in Michigan whose postmaster INSISTS that the company
"made up" the corporate name. Hrumph!
Matthew J. McIrvin
> In article <4oi73l$e...@doc.jmu.edu>,
> Lee S. Bumgarner <bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu> lost all attributions and wrote:
> :Hmm, I wonder if there is a connection? And guys say womym don't talk
> :about SEX!
>
> You know, I like your posts because they have this elusive quality one
> only sees when one tries really hard, and because they have this sort of
> wide-eyed wonder about everything. I picture you saying `Wow!' a lot.
"Wull... I mean, gee whiz, Kia, we don't talk much about, I mean,
girls 'n' stuff!"
"Aw, Beav, why'd you hafta go and say a thing like that?"
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Crackpottier
On Sun, 2 Jun 1996, KiboL wrote:
<snip> Sorry Kia </snip>
> There was a point in time I thought I was going to have to learn
> how to make my own because I hate nylon & couldn't find cotton
> (except the huge ones you mention). Just before my last few fell
> apart I discovered that Sears sells cotton in all styles, including
> the bikini. Try Sears.
<snip> Sorry Kia </snip>
> And the heels are all spike heels & have pointy toes.
Not too long ago somebody (Capt. Sarc.?) pointed out that Sears carries
Craftsman tools. Next time you're there (browsing the undies) check
out the tool dep't. With a few judicious choices there you would be
able to minaturize both your undies AND your heels.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
Give a woman a 16 inch scroll saw a carpet knife
and a roll of duct tape and you cloth her in comfort
and style.
-Crackpottier
-G
---
AA> Alexander Abian: Equivalence of Mass and Time
AA> Albert Einstein: Equivalence of Mass and Energy
NB> now Mass and Energy.... could you be any crackpottier?
AA> Abian answers: I am not , but you could be a crackpottier yourself
KiboL(ady)
Crackpottier wrote:
/
/ On Sun, 2 Jun 1996, KiboL wrote:
/
/ <snip> Sorry Kia </snip>
<snippedd the rest...sorry kia, sorry self...>
/
/ Not too long ago somebody (Capt. Sarc.?) pointed out that Sears carries
/ Craftsman tools. Next time you're there (browsing the undies) check
/ out the tool dep't. With a few judicious choices there you would be
/ able to minaturize both your undies AND your heels.
/
/ Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
/ Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
/ Give a woman a 16 inch scroll saw a carpet knife
/ and a roll of duct tape and you cloth her in comfort
/ and style.
/ -Crackpottier
And I already have a superduper-fancy-reversible-&-everything
drill with complete set of attachments, so I could probably
even make some new hats!
E.Holmes
(looking forward to being old enough to wear hats with flowers)
K.M. Mennie
In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.960603...@winnie.freenet.mb.ca>,
Crackpottier <ga...@freenet.mb.ca> wrote:
:On Sun, 2 Jun 1996, KiboL wrote:
:> apart I discovered that Sears sells cotton in all styles, including
:> the bikini. Try Sears.
:<snip> Sorry Kia </snip>
:Craftsman tools. Next time you're there (browsing the undies) check
That was ME! ME, dammit!
And I said I'd rather buy `Canadian Tire' `Mastercraft' ones.
For no apparent reason we got a `Sears' catalog stuffed in the mailbox
here recently. I found it fascinating, because I've never seen such a
large array of consumer durables and -not wanted to buy any-. It was like
being in the world's worst mall or something. Sure, there were a few
recognizable-brand-name things I might've found a use for, but most of it
was GROTESQUE frilly curtains. Suburban women (since NOBODY else is buying
this sort of interior decor) are taking way too much Valium (and coming
from me, that's harsh criticism).
As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly everything
-started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS? A
FOUR!
I went and bought a swimsuit last night (not from Sears) so I'm a little
overexcited.
5:15, `The Bay': See nice enough black bikini. Plain and -- lo! --
unpadded. I dig through the rack for -my- size, `32B.' 32B has a SHITLOAD
of PADDING. YOU'RE INADEQUATE, says the bikini. FUCK YOU, says Kia, I'M
PROPORTIONATE. I try on a bluish one-piece, it being the only other thing
that comes in a smallish size (six). This one has weird little styrofoamy
things where the boobs are supposed to go. They collapse inwards.
5:30-7:00: Check every store for small-size swimsuit. Begin casually
eyeballing little girls' sections. Find one, and only one, really tasteful
unpadded two-piece in my size. In `Club Monaco.' I will not buy from a
place that sells its own cola, especially when the product is $100.
There was a `Bikini Village' -- a store with nothing but swimsuits -- with
absolutely nothing in my size. No wonder beaches are so full of fatties.
7:00, `Sports Experts': A nifty shade of purple stares at me from the
wall. First purple one, size `5/6,' looks great until I lean over. Body
`glove,' MY BUTT. Seems you need wildly large breasts to swim with any
self-respect. Next purple 5/6 one does slightly better, I no longer have
standards, it is the smallest adult swimsuit in the mall, it is mine for $55.
You can see where I'm going with this, can't you? The place `America
Shops' is part of a conspiracy to ELIMINATE SMALL PEOPLE. The few size
fours left creeping around simply don't consume enough; the idea is to get
me to live at a `Taco Bell' eating lard -until I'm a size eight-. `Taco
Bell's stock goes up, as does `Sears''. Until then, I'm shamed into
silence by lack of self-respect thanks to my too-big, only-thing-that-sorta-
fit-style attire, and my perpetual poverty: my income-earning
opportunities are blown away by searching uselessly for size 4 swimsuits;
my little income is frittered away on a tailor downtown.
Someone should rise up, etc. The media should know, etc.
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+----------*--+
<http://aaln.org/ht_lit/> <news:alt.fan.kia-mennie>
<http://superior.carleton.ca/~kmennie> <mailto:k...@aaln.org>
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+-----------*--+
`Comparative literature - that's where you take a book by
Shakespeare, and one by Farley Mowat, and say `This one's heavier.''
Cara Marshall
K.M. Mennie (kme...@superior.carleton.ca) wrote:
> As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly everything
> -started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS? A
> FOUR!
> You can see where I'm going with this, can't you? The place `America
> Shops' is part of a conspiracy to ELIMINATE SMALL PEOPLE. The few size
Have you checked out the latest J. Crew catalogue? (Airbrushed models,
anyone?) Or perhaps you should have stuck to the stores on the third level
of the R. Ctr. - most of them tend to cater to more
petite women. (I recently bought an overcoat @ Tristan & Iseult that was
a size 7 - the largest on the rack). Otherwise, I could recommend some
good protein & carbohydrate supplements that would help you gain weight
fast :)
...It's funny, just the other day I was looking through old magazines I
have from 1967-9 and one of them included a full page ad for some such
weight gain mixture (directed at women). Beneath a very buxom blonde woman
read the caption: "Don't let them call you skinny"...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cara Marshall
Carleton University
Take my shoes off
and throw them in the lake
and I'll be 2 steps on the water...
KT
Email address: cmar...@chat.carleton.ca
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Avoid normal situations.
Crackpottier (ga...@freenet.mb.ca) wrote:
: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
: Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
: Give a woman a 16 inch scroll saw a carpet knife
: and a roll of duct tape and you cloth her in comfort
: and style.
Somebody else, however, needs to be given a few commas.
--
alt.flame Special Forces
"One thing I don't understand is that average American movie-goers cannot
watch a movie for three hours, yet they'll watch a stupid, boring,
horrific football game for four hours. Now, that is boredom at its most
colossal." -- Quentin Tarantino
[begin civil-disobedience portion of .sig]
Now that President Clinton has signed the Communications Decency Act into
law, it may be illegal to use the words shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock-
sucker, motherfucker, and tits in one's net.writings. Ergo, every effort
has been made to avoid the use of the words shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cock-
sucker, motherfucker, and tits in this posting.
LawyerBoy 0.001
kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
>As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly everything
>-started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS? A
>FOUR!
[hard to find suitable swimwear rant snipped]
You know, if you were to appear on Oprah and replay this post live... well, do
you think you could make it to the door before the herd trampled you in an
insane fit of jealousy?
I'm sure you could run faster.. but there's a lot to be said for adrenaline
you know?
J."Be VERY, VERY careful."Sims
--
LawyerBoy 0.001 | http://www.neosoft.com/~jjsims/
----------------------------------------------------
alt.texas.highplains: The *real* Septic Tank of Usenet!(TM)
Ask for it by name! | "We don't need no stinkin' FAQ!"
beverley
K.M. Mennie <k...@aaln.org> wrote:
>There was a `Bikini Village' -- a store with nothing but swimsuits -- with
>absolutely nothing in my size. No wonder beaches are so full of fatties.
They are? I've usually had the reverse problem: a) they don't make bathing
suits over size ten that are available where I am, despite the fact that that
changes with a whim; b) those of us who either are or who are convinced that
they are "fatties" have a bad habit of fearing the beach because the non-
fatties abound.
My body's made strangely. I have no body fat [breasts notwithstanding] until
about 3/4 of the way down my ribcage right now; at that point, EVERYTHING
is concentrated, and then it all stops again, just prior to the commencement
of the thighs. And even then, the damn stuff is all on my abdomen; my back
remains curiously fat-free [mainly because, on a regular basis, that back
carries ten to twenty pounds of groceries over a good two or three miles,
once held ten pounds of textbooks and stray leisure reading material/art
equipment pretty much all day, and usually bears whatever stuff I carry with
me]. The back once got complimented during a backrub .... but anyways;
then there's the conundrum of cleavage, which ARK knows is significantly
prominent...
Now, then; without the abdomen, I'm a size ten or eleven, which isn't fat
for someone of my build or height, and I don't look like the 1mumble that
I am right now unless I'm wearing -- you guessed it -- clingy things.
During the ~2 years in which I really couldn't have considered myself fat
had it not been for the fact that I looked in the mirror and saw Natalie
from Facts Of Life, even then I looked ridiculous in clingy things because
clingy things look silly on up to ninety percent of the female population.
If the fashion would just bloody well have remained with those black-with-
a-single-stripe-of-colour-down-the-middle and maybe added a nicer back to
show off the muscles, I'd be a happy bunny. As it is, it looks like the
fashion is going to continue towards the trend of "skimpy things with
Kia's build, Bev's tits and Dennis Rodman's height in mind" bikinis and
the beaches are going to be full of people who aren't perfect.
I think the world would be a lot happier if bathing suits came with corsetry.
--
http://www.hallucinet.com/wednesday Calm the storms that drench my eyes
http://www.tezcat.com/~wednsday Dry the streams still flowing
wedn...@tezcat.com Cast down all the waves of sin
beverley r. white And guilt that overthrow me
K.M. Mennie
In article <31b5c41f...@fullnews.neosoft.com>,
LawyerBoy 0.001 <jjs...@neosoft.com> wrote:
:kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
:>As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly everything
:>-started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS? A
:>FOUR!
:you think you could make it to the door before the herd trampled you in an
:insane fit of jealousy?
Well, not if it was played out right.
--
Oprah: Today we're talking with girls with a rather unique problem. You
may recall last month's show on morbidly obese women. This is the other
side of the coin, the freakishly small.
Kia: <sniffs> I got so upset about it that I had to post to Usenet
detailing my...problem.
Oprah: Awww. Tell us about it, dear.
Kia: Everybody hates me for it, and there's nothing I can do. Even my
sister (size...8? 10?) told me to piss off. Shop girls just sneer at me
when I ask for a four.
Oprah: I understand you still have bits of clothing from when you were
twelve.
Kia: Yes. Half my wardrobe is kiddy stuff, and the other half is from
`Talbots' `petites' section. <blows in to doll's hanky> Once I had to
buy a size two. I'm a _freak_.
Oprah: There there.
Kia: I've gained fifteen pounds over the last two years, and it hasn't
helped a bit.
Oprah: Go screw yourself.
--
Okay, I suppose there's no way I'm winning sympathy for this. And it does
have it's advantages, specifically w.r.t. handicapping in beer-drinking
contests.
Kia `wearing pants...size four pants with the cuffs rolled up' Mennie
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+----------*--+
<http://aaln.org/ht_lit/> <news:alt.fan.kia-mennie>
<http://superior.carleton.ca/~kmennie> <mailto:k...@aaln.org>
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+-----------*--+
`From ignorance our comfort flows / The only wretched are the wise.'
LawyerBoy 0.001
kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
Kia on Oprah...
>Kia: <sniffs> I got so upset about it that I had to post to Usenet
>detailing my...problem.
>Oprah: Awww. Tell us about it, dear.
[...]
>Kia: I've gained fifteen pounds over the last two years, and it hasn't
>helped a bit.
>Oprah: Go screw yourself.
And if she's into any kind of spooooooky majick (magic? mAjI|<?), she might
try to switch bodies on you too. So beware if you see her eyes roll up into
her head! Play musical chairs really quick and toss another girl from the
panel into your chair (maybe that female jockey that always goes on
Letterman?). That way you'll be safe on the off chance that Oprah gets the
chant right the first time.
>Okay, I suppose there's no way I'm winning sympathy for this. And it does
>have it's advantages, specifically w.r.t. handicapping in beer-drinking
>contests.
Absolutely! I'm 6', 170#s and drinking gets pricey even when I stick to the
domestics. Oh what I wouldn't give to be a petite little
gi^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H. Nevermind.
>Kia `wearing pants...size four pants with the cuffs rolled up' Mennie
As long as we're looking at silver linings... Imagine what it must be like to
be a head, arms and torso (sans legs).
"I'd like a pair of pants please!"
"Um... wh.. what size would you like?"
"Got any 34-4's?"
K.M. Mennie
I'm in a plastic-surgery-obsession phase at the moment; I fancy I want the
fat sucked out of my cheeks, but every time I mention `knife' the
automatic response is Oh, gross, you want implants? It's just -assumed-
that I'm keenly aware of -deficiency-.
> I think the world would be a lot happier if bathing suits came with corsetry.
I meant to mention this in the Sears post: the only thing I saw in the
Sears catalogue that I thought would be sort of cool to have was a
_corset_. It's this medical-looking $80 white thing; it seemed it might
have some interesting kink value. Of course I'd have to wear it with gross
tan-coloured stockings on the garters, too. And...no underpants? I'm sick.
Somebody with experience has to post and tell me what it's like to woo
somebody into bed, and strip them down to find padding and whalebone.
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+----------*--+
<http://aaln.org/ht_lit/> <news:alt.fan.kia-mennie>
<http://superior.carleton.ca/~kmennie> <mailto:k...@aaln.org>
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+-----------*--+
`Sesame Street has failed you, Kia.'
Roger Douglas
eho...@onramp.net (E.Holmes) expostulated:
......
reminiscences of pickup truck
......
> A year later all the baling wire & chewing gum that was holding
> the engine together finally disintegrated, & nothing we did could
> keep the old truck running. I miss it, but I'll always have the
> memory of Guthrie singing me over that mountain.
You know, there has to be a C&W song in this post somewhere.
The paragraph above would be the little spoken interlude, just before the
final, tear-jerking reprise of the chorus.
Now the chrome and the paintwork have all turned to rust.
And the wings and the fenders fell down in the dust.
Bailing wire and chewing gum gave out in the end.
And I finally bid farewell to my ol' pickup friend.
And mebbe there's a heaven where ole pickups go,
With no rocks and no dirt, no ice and no snow.
Just a warm summer's day, and a smooth grassy track.
With God at the wheel, and his dog in the back.
Thankyou.
Roger "Tex" Douglas
Jaffo
kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
:>As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly everything
:>-started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS? A
:>FOUR!
This was a troll, wasn't it? Like me talking about big hands?
What size is Barbie? I understand she has lots of clothes.
Jaffo
One of my teeth is a cyanide capsule, but I forgot which one.
I tend to avoid hard foods. - http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
K.M. Mennie
In article <31b623d...@news.onramp.net>, Jaffo <ja...@onramp.net> wrote:
:kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
::>As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly everything
::>-started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS? A
::>FOUR!
:This was a troll, wasn't it? Like me talking about big hands?
No, and I see it's the one time you didn't use your `Trolling...suckered
me...' header. Now, if you saw it as a troll and it wasn't one, what is
that?
Gentle readers, I believe that the golden age of the classic troll is
over, and that we have now entered a new age of the post-troll. Note that
the post-troll owes more to the structure of the anti-troll rather than
the troll. Post-trollism, like so many postmodern theories, is a
phenomenon born out of paranoia. In the heyday of the troll, man said, `I
might be trolled;' however, the accelerated, postmodern man simply
believes that he is more than likely being trolled. Always cautious, he
litters his posts with disclaimers (q.v. the famous `I'm sure this is a
troll but I'll respond seriously in case others would like to know'),
leaving the post-troller no alternative but to post-troll him with a
regular post.
The forced hierarchy of doubt and paranoia inherent in post-trollism
necessitate a complete re-evaluation of the post-troller/post-trollee
interdependency. Contemporary troll discourse must encompass not only the
troll age, but its successor, the post-troll age, and its offshoots: the
anti-troll, the post-structuralist-troll, the meta-troll, the ontological
troll, and the use of full justification in all of these.
:What size is Barbie? I understand she has lots of clothes.
Yeah, but they're all made out of polyester too.
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+----------*--+
<http://aaln.org/ht_lit/> <news:alt.fan.kia-mennie>
<http://superior.carleton.ca/~kmennie> <mailto:k...@aaln.org>
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+-----------*--+
*Editor, _Ontario Journal of Cixous Studies_. <http://www.cixous.on.ca/>+
Jessica Cohen
K.M. Mennie (kme...@superior.carleton.ca) was heard to write:
> The forced hierarchy of doubt and paranoia inherent in post-trollism
> necessitate a complete re-evaluation of the post-troller/post-trollee
> interdependency. Contemporary troll discourse must encompass not only the
> troll age, but its successor, the post-troll age, and its offshoots: the
> anti-troll, the post-structuralist-troll, the meta-troll, the ontological
> troll, and the use of full justification in all of these.
Um, this is a troll, right?
--
# warn "DEBUG need better Canonize function\n";
-the Vatican
LawyerBoy 0.001
wedn...@tezcat.com (beverley) wrote:
>K.M. Mennie <k...@aaln.org> wrote:
>>There was a `Bikini Village' -- a store with nothing but swimsuits -- with
>>absolutely nothing in my size. No wonder beaches are so full of fatties.
[il posto liposuctiono]
>Now, then; without the abdomen, I'm a size ten or eleven, which isn't fat
^^^^^^^
I originally parsed this as "Now then, about the ad hominem..." and was half
expecting a flame fest to ensue. I've been awake for far too long today.
Eep! It's been tomorrow for nearly three hours now!
>I think the world would be a lot happier if bathing suits came with corsetry.
I'll buy that. The argument. Not the corseted bathing suits. I would look
silly!
LawyerBoy 0.001
kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
[...]
>Somebody with experience has to post and tell me what it's like to woo
>somebody into bed, and strip them down to find padding and whalebone.
To the dehydrated, even tainted water sounds appealing.
Or so I've heard.
Somebody told me as much.
Me? Experienced in such matters? Psshaw!
Bobby Hodad
In article <4p4lcs$a...@bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca>,
>:kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
>:>As for the clothes: nearly everything was polyester, and nearly
everything
>:>-started- at a size 8 or 10. I wear a FOUR. You hear that, you FUCKERS?
A
>:>FOUR!
well, do
>:you think you could make it to the door before the herd trampled you in
an
>:insane fit of jealousy?
>
>Well, not if it was played out right.
------8<------Look! Scissors!----Funny anecdote snipped. Please read it! I
only cut it out to save "bandwidth!" Really!---->8--More
scissors!-------------
>Okay, I suppose there's no way I'm winning sympathy for this. And it does
>have it's advantages, specifically w.r.t. handicapping in beer-drinking
>contests.
>Kia `wearing pants...size four pants with the cuffs rolled up' Mennie
Being both vertically and horizontally challenged, I can't find pants that
fit either. Pants automatically cost an extra seven bucks for alteration
because my legs are a lousy one or two inches too short. That's why I'm not
wearing any pants much of the time.
So, okay. The pants I need would be about 31 X 29. But to find pants that
would fit, I'd have to bloat up to a 36 waist. They make pants for short,
fat people, but not short, normal-width people.
And they wonder why people are getting so fat. BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUY PANTS
OFF THE RACK, THAT'S WHY!!!
Re: Blood alcohol level is a farce: Flashback to college: Bobby Hodad and
his 230-pound Uruguayan future roommate begin drinking shots from a bottle
of Jack Daniels (I was young, my gut was steel). Ninety minutes later, the
bottle is two-thirds empty. The enormous Uruguayan man decides he must
sleep on a steel bench outside the building, and refuses to leave until he
is persuaded by a campus police officer.
'Eeeet is nice out heeere," he says, Charo-like (but without a
cootchie-cootchie).
Twenty minutes later, he begins a vomiting process that doesn't end for
about two days.
135-pound Bobby Hodad goes to 7-Eleven, warms up a burrito, goes home,
listens to some Neil Young, and goes to bed.
I ask you: Who do you want driving?
--
XOXO
Bobby
[No drunk driving took place in this writing of this post.]
beverley
In article <4p56tr$1...@bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca>,
K.M. Mennie <k...@aaln.org> wrote:
>I meant to mention this in the Sears post: the only thing I saw in the
>Sears catalogue that I thought would be sort of cool to have was a
>_corset_. It's this medical-looking $80 white thing; it seemed it might
>have some interesting kink value. Of course I'd have to wear it with gross
>tan-coloured stockings on the garters, too. And...no underpants? I'm sick.
Oh, don't let Sears fool you. You can get them in all kinds of fancy fabrics
and colours, custom-made or off-the-shelf -- mind, these are often far, far
more expensive than $80 Canadian [I'm debating whether to get one as part of
my "allowance of things" from a graphics deal this summer -- I've always
wanted a corset, ever since I was a little kid, just 'cuz they seemed so
glamourous, and as the female persuasion's answer to Mr. Bean, well....]
and can/do include such convenient extras as metal hoops to run the rope
through......well, you know....
>Somebody with experience has to post and tell me what it's like to woo
>somebody into bed, and strip them down to find padding and whalebone.
You can tell, but it's still fun.
--
http://www.hallucinet.com/wednesday ==== http://www.tezcat.com/~wednsday
wedn...@tezcat.com ================================= beverley r. white
Kup: Ha! I remember when the Internet was just a big piece of paper that
everyone wrote on, blah, blah, blah... -- Cybertronian Internet Users ==
Carlos May
beverley (wedn...@tezcat.com) sigquoted:
: Kup: Ha! I remember when the Internet was just a big piece of paper that
: everyone wrote on, blah, blah, blah... -- Cybertronian Internet Users ==
Ha! _I_ remember when Internet messages were scratched into
clay tablets and sent from site to site on donkeys, and blah, blah...
-- unable to leave well-enough alone,
Froggy
***********************************************************
* fro...@neosoft.com "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs] *
***********************************************************
K.M. Mennie
In article <4p7kee$8...@uuneo.neosoft.com>,
Carlos May <fro...@praline.no.neosoft.com> wrote:
:beverley (wedn...@tezcat.com) sigquoted:
:: Kup: Ha! I remember when the Internet was just a big piece of paper that
:: everyone wrote on, blah, blah, blah... -- Cybertronian Internet Users ==
:Ha! _I_ remember when Internet messages were scratched into
:clay tablets and sent from site to site on donkeys, and blah, blah...
Har! I remember when packets went from Canada to Asia in -no time- because
the continents hadn't separated.
: -- unable to leave well-enough alone,
Likewise.
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+----------*--+
<http://aaln.org/ht_lit/> <news:alt.fan.kia-mennie>
<http://superior.carleton.ca/~kmennie> <mailto:k...@aaln.org>
*-+-------------+------*---------------------------------+-----------*--+
odd...@pioneerplanet.infi.net
kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
>In article <4p7kee$8...@uuneo.neosoft.com>,
>Carlos May <fro...@praline.no.neosoft.com> wrote:
>:beverley (wedn...@tezcat.com) sigquoted:
>:: Kup: Ha! I remember when the Internet was just a big piece of paper that
>:: everyone wrote on, blah, blah, blah... -- Cybertronian Internet Users ==
>:Ha! _I_ remember when Internet messages were scratched into
>:clay tablets and sent from site to site on donkeys, and blah, blah...
>
>Har! I remember when packets went from Canada to Asia in -no time- because
>the continents hadn't separated.
>
Ha! and Ha! again. _I_ remember when the "chicken-crossing-the-road"
joke was first invented. (I can't remember, however, how this tied in to
the internet.)
>: -- unable to leave well-enough alone,
>
>Likewise.
yep.
Elisabeth Higgins
In article <4p5ra0$2ps...@get.hooked.net>, ho...@hooked.net says...
>
<Fat guy gets drunk story>
>135-pound Bobby Hodad goes to 7-Eleven, warms up a burrito, goes home,
>listens to some Neil Young, and goes to bed.
>
>I ask you: Who do you want driving?
It depends. Can we play MY tapes?
From,
Sali!
Because I have a rilly kewl sekrit tape that I am gonna have soon.
Alan Bostick
wedn...@tezcat.com (beverley) writes:
>My body's made strangely. I have no body fat [breasts notwithstanding] until
>about 3/4 of the way down my ribcage right now; at that point, EVERYTHING
>is concentrated, and then it all stops again, just prior to the commencement
>of the thighs. And even then, the damn stuff is all on my abdomen; my back
>remains curiously fat-free [mainly because, on a regular basis, that back
>carries ten to twenty pounds of groceries over a good two or three miles,
>once held ten pounds of textbooks and stray leisure reading material/art
>equipment pretty much all day, and usually bears whatever stuff I carry with
>me]. The back once got complimented during a backrub .... but anyways;
>then there's the conundrum of cleavage, which ARK knows is significantly
>prominent...
Funny, except the bit about the cleavage, and the size-ten stuff I snipped,
that's a pretty good description of me.
Which should give people pause. I mean, has anybody seen Bev and I at
the same time? It seems that she's never around when I am, and vice versa.
Alan "But the pics of you on your Web site don't look at all like me" Bostick
--
Alan Bostick | "The thing is, I've got rhythm but I don't have
mailto:abos...@netcom.com | music, so I guess I could ask for a few more
news:alt.grelb | things." (overheard)
http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~abostick
Alan Bostick
"KiboL(ady)" <eho...@onramp.net> writes:
> E.Holmes
> (looking forward to being old enough to wear hats with flowers)
You're *never* too young to wear hats with flowers.
Alan "But whatever you do, *don't dye your hair blue*!" Bostick
Alan Bostick
fro...@praline.no.neosoft.com (Carlos May) writes:
>beverley (wedn...@tezcat.com) sigquoted:
>: Kup: Ha! I remember when the Internet was just a big piece of paper that
>: everyone wrote on, blah, blah, blah... -- Cybertronian Internet Users ==
>Ha! _I_ remember when Internet messages were scratched into
>clay tablets and sent from site to site on donkeys, and blah, blah...
And *I* remember the *real* early days - when the precursors to IP packets
were transmitted from hilltop to hilltop in the jungle through the beating
of drums made of hollow logs.
Alan "And we *had* to follow Netiquette then, because if we didn't, the
sysadmins would cook us and eat us!" Bostick
--
Alan Bostick | The Necronomicon was not written by the Mad Arab,
mailto:abos...@netcom.com | it was written by Scott Adams
news:alt.grelb | Alan Olsen <al...@teleport.com>
http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~abostick
Crackpottier
On Thu, 6 Jun 1996, Bobby Hodad wrote:
> Being both vertically and horizontally challenged, I can't find pants that
> fit either. Pants automatically cost an extra seven bucks for alteration
> because my legs are a lousy one or two inches too short. That's why I'm not
> wearing any pants much of the time.
>
> So, okay. The pants I need would be about 31 X 29. But to find pants that
> would fit, I'd have to bloat up to a 36 waist. They make pants for short,
> fat people, but not short, normal-width people.
I have a similar problem, but something funny happened to me a couple
of months ago. I headed off to a big department store bacause they
had a really good sale on. I went to the man's wear dept and found a
rack of nice-looking pants that were 50% off!! There were a couple
of women going through the pants (I guess shopping for their husbands)
looking at the sizes. Then one exclaimed, "This stuff's all for MUNTANTS!"
and the two of them stormed off. I wandered over and EVERYTHING on the rack
was EXACTLY my size (I'm 30x30, which, I suppose, makes me square)!
I hadn't planned on admitting this story to anybody but since you have a
similar problem, well, I guess my telling JUST ONE person won't hurt.
> [No drunk driving took place in this writing of this post.]
Posting while driving ain't exactly safe either! Too bad, 'cause I
live 60 miles from where I work. I could get all my spamming in with
no loss of time out of my life. Maybe some day, ...
Louis Nick III
Elisabeth Higgins <lis...@netcom.com> wrote:
> ho...@hooked.net says...
>>
><Fat guy gets drunk story>
>
>>135-pound Bobby Hodad goes to 7-Eleven, warms up a burrito, goes home,
>>listens to some Neil Young, and goes to bed.
>>
>>I ask you: Who do you want driving?
>
>It depends. Can we play MY tapes?
I'd like to mention that when I drove across country, I saw some of the
most beautiful scenery in the world to Dave Matthews Band, and some of the
worst to Sponge.
>From,
>Sali!
>
>Because I have a rilly kewl sekrit tape that I am gonna have soon.
I'm the only person on the net to own a genuine copy of a Chronic Penguin
tape.!
--
This week on the Ark Kibo took an extended shore leave to visit his
personal team of Brane Kare specialists, who performed exhaustive tests on
the interior of Kibo's cranium and found nothing. -- Twark Vol.2 No.5
=== Louis Nick III sn...@u.washington.edu alt.religion.louis-nick ===
Lee S. Bumgarner
> If the fashion would just bloody well have remained with those black-with-
> a-single-stripe-of-colour-down-the-middle and maybe added a nicer back to
> show off the muscles, I'd be a happy bunny. As it is, it looks like the
> fashion is going to continue towards the trend of "skimpy things with
> Kia's build, Bev's tits and Dennis Rodman's height in mind" bikinis and
> the beaches are going to be full of people who aren't perfect.
That brings to mind how different one would have to act at nude beach.
A guy would have to be REALLY careful about whom he looked at.
We Usenet freakazoids start threads about how bra's cause cancer hoping
all the CHYKs in the world will run around bra free for our enjoyment.
Yet...do we really _want_ that to happen. For every sex goddess in the world,
there are 9 or 10 women we would just rather they keep their apparel on.
-l
We're a copy of "Nude Bomb" when you need it?
__
Undertoad: http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ "Klaatu barada nictow" * "Usenet
is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to
redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts
of excrement when you least expect it. " --sp...@cs.purdue.edu (1992) * Jesus
loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole * Kibo/Furr in '96!
Doctor B. Science
fro...@praline.no.neosoft.com (Carlos May) writes:
>Ha! _I_ remember when Internet messages were scratched into
>clay tablets and sent from site to site on donkeys, and blah, blah...
Ha! _I_ remember when I had to write on a stone tablet and throw
it into the ocean and wait until the next day to get a response.
Joe
(We also wrote poems about Christianity despite the fact that it hadn't
been invented yet, so the floating stones didn't bother us much).
--
Sincerely, U How hard is it to remove a bowling ball from
Doctorb Science | the human ear canal while wearing gloves?
Can I borrow your | Should I be annoying and confrontational with
hair, Mr. Shatner? :) my system administrator?
Tjames Madison
Bobby Hodad (ho...@hooked.net) wrote:
: Being both vertically and horizontally challenged, I can't find pants that
: fit either. Pants automatically cost an extra seven bucks for alteration
: because my legs are a lousy one or two inches too short. That's why I'm not
: wearing any pants much of the time.
: So, okay. The pants I need would be about 31 X 29. But to find pants that
: would fit, I'd have to bloat up to a 36 waist. They make pants for short,
: fat people, but not short, normal-width people.
I'm about the same. Well, in a much bigger way. I'm big, but relatively
normally proportioned. I usually look for 38x31s, but most pants
manufacturers start at an inseam of about 33 inches there... which is why
I'm always rolling the cuffs up. And people ask me, "Tjames, why are you
rolling your cuffs up?"
Because my pants are too damn long, that's why. BTW, I almost got down
to a 36 inch waist but then I went on vacation and ate continuously for
four days and now I'm back up to 38. PS, my current favorite pants are
size 42, and if I don't wear a belt with them they hang halfway down my
ass and I look like part of Coolio's entourage.
: Re: Blood alcohol level is a farce: Flashback to college: Bobby Hodad and
: his 230-pound Uruguayan future roommate begin drinking shots from a bottle
: of Jack Daniels (I was young, my gut was steel). Ninety minutes later, the
: bottle is two-thirds empty. The enormous Uruguayan man decides he must
: sleep on a steel bench outside the building, and refuses to leave until he
: is persuaded by a campus police officer.
Here is some background: the 230-pound Uruguayan drove an ice cream truck
or some damn thing and it was always filled with porno videos from the
70s. He would walk into the room (any room) and exclaim "THE PORNO EES
HERE!"
: 135-pound Bobby Hodad goes to 7-Eleven, warms up a burrito, goes home,
: listens to some Neil Young, and goes to bed.
This paragraph can be used to approximately describe every day of the six
years you spent in college. Except that time you dressed up like a
hippie and yakked in the bushes outside my apartment.
--
R | o | R
"like a rolling steel keg rolling on concrete"
A | L | U | C | A | R | D
E.Holmes
In alt.culture.jesse-garon, Louis Nick III vouchsafed:
/Elisabeth Higgins <lis...@netcom.com> wrote:
/> ho...@hooked.net says...
/>>?
/><Fat guy gets drunk story>
/>
/>>[skinny guy eats burrito story]
/>>I ask you: Who do you want driving?
/>
/>It depends. Can we play MY tapes?
/
/I'd like to mention that when I drove across country, I saw some of the
/most beautiful scenery in the world to Dave Matthews Band, and some of the
/worst to Sponge.
I used to have a really neat pickup. (Yes, Jaffo, really.) It was a
1976 Ford Ranger XLT - that's the largest bed - with a camper top;
& it had a HUGE V8 engine with POWER, and would LEAP up the mountain
on I-20 between Grand Prairie & Duncanville, leaving dusty marks on
little cute Toyotas that were panting like fat dogs halfway up.
The day that truck rolled 200,000 miles I was leaping up said
mountain on my way to the Army Reserve center in Dallas. It was a
crisp autumn morn, the sun was turning the sky glorious morning
shades of brilliant (the ONLY times I find the pale washed-out
Texas sky bearable are sunrise & set), and Arlo Guthrie was singing
'City of New Orleans' on the radio.
A year later all the baling wire & chewing gum that was holding
the engine together finally disintegrated, & nothing we did could
keep the old truck running. I miss it, but I'll always have the
memory of Guthrie singing me over that mountain.
E.Holmes
Alan Bostick
wedn...@tezcat.com (beverley) writes:
>I think the world would be a lot happier if bathing suits came with corsetry.
Think of how much trouble they would be to get out of when the laces were
wet!
Alan "Wait a minute. I'm beginning to see the possibilities . . . " Bostick
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.fan.wednesday,
kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
:Har! I remember when packets went from Canada to Asia in -no time- because
:the continents hadn't separated.
On this date, the 9th day of June, in the Year Of Our Lord 19 and 96,
Kia Mennie has made me laugh.
Logged and Certified.
Everyone please remember to add alt.rissa to all your headers. Ellen
and I are currently leading an ugly charge onto the beach there, and
we can use all the cannon fodder we can get.
E.Holmes
In alt.religion.kibology, Jaffo enlightens us with:
/Wasting taxpayer money in alt.fan.wednesday,
/kme...@superior.carleton.ca (K.M. Mennie) wrote:
/
/:Har! I remember when packets went from Canada to Asia in -no time- because
/:the continents hadn't separated.
/
/On this date, the 9th day of June, in the Year Of Our Lord 19 and 96,
/Kia Mennie has made me laugh.
/
/Logged and Certified.
Indeed. Although she usually posts in a couple of Those Other
Kibological groups (you know who you are), I've followed her
over there to see what she was up to, and The Woman Is Funny.
Other things, too, but Funny is the important trait here.
/Everyone please remember to add alt.rissa to all your headers. Ellen
/and I are currently leading an ugly charge onto the beach there, and
/we can use all the cannon fodder we can get.
The FAQ will be published shortly. Come visit, early & often.
KiboL
6 July 1996 ~~~ IT'S TIME!!! ~~~ Ask me for details!
Carlos May
Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) quoted a funny post Kia wrote, and then said:
: On this date, the 9th day of June, in the Year Of Our Lord 19 and 96,
: Kia Mennie has made me laugh.
: Logged and Certified.
Gosh Jaffo. That's quite a service you're offering. Next could you go
over to the alt.humor groups and see if there are any funny articles,
and if so mark them for me? adTHANKSvance.
--F.
Bill of Lading
In article <abostickD...@netcom.com>,
Alan Bostick <abos...@netcom.com> wrote:
>bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu (Lee S. Bumgarner) writes:
>>Yet...do we really _want_ that to happen. For every sex goddess in the world,
>>there are 9 or 10 women we would just rather they keep their apparel on.
>>
>
>goddesses to one unpleasant woman. (I suspect that my tastes are broader
>than yours.) ^^^^^^^
|
Sodaspeak.
--
(The above information is NOT TRUE; it is merely a harmless joke).
"It's VMS! Soylent NT is VMS!"
nu...@netcom.com bmocweN lliB
E.Holmes
Tjames Madison wrote:
[stuff about how pants fit]
> I'm about the same. Well, in a much bigger way. I'm big, but relatively
> normally proportioned.
AAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!!!
I've been waiting so *patiently* that I'm about to become a patient.
And NO ONE has said ANYTHING. Ye gads, he laid that line down like
a sidewalk, you could have played HOPSCOTCH on it. But noooo....
I have had to call my neighbor over to tie me to the chair because I
just can't restrain myself any longer, and I'm SUPPOSED to be the
nice one here, but I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!!!!
Tjames, you really shouldn't brag so much.
oh well...
E.Holmes
(who just loves big, well-proportioned men, IYKWIM <sigh> AITYD)
(don't make me have to do this again)
Tjames Madison
E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
: Tjames, you really shouldn't brag so much.
All of Usenet is an exercise in penis size innuendo. If you don't
believe me, try reading alt.flame.
Besides, all I meant is that I can wear big kid pants! YAAAAAAYYY!!!
Mommy, look: I'm a big kid now!
tj "big, well-proportioned, goofy" m
--
w e l c o m e t o t h e t e r r o r d r o n e
R | o | R
A | L | U | C | A | R | D
http://www.arlington.com/~tjames/tjames.html
Elynalexis
In alt.rissa, tja...@netcom.com (Tjames Madison) remarks:
/E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
/
/: Tjames, you really shouldn't brag so much.
/
/All of Usenet is an exercise in penis size innuendo. If you don't
/believe me, try reading alt.flame.
/
I suppose I'll have to start posting my bra size.
KiboL
(36C)
P.S. As more women enter the net, we'll have to add the acronym
TSW to parallel DSW.
Bruce Ediger
tja...@netcom.com (Tjames Madison) wrote:
:Besides, all I meant is that I can wear big kid pants! YAAAAAAYYY!!!
I think the last line needs to read:
Mommy, look: I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds.
- Bruce lumpy, balding, squat
--
Try this in a "DOS Box" for fun and profit!!!
echo f 0:0 ffff 0 | debug
Elynalexis
Roger....@tafensw.edu.au (Roger Douglas) remarks:
/eho...@onramp.net (E.Holmes) expostulated:
/......
/reminiscences of pickup truck
/......
[C&W Song for My Truck}
/Thankyou.
/
/Roger "Tex" Douglas
No, thank YOU. <clap clap clap>
E.Holmes
(who appreciates a good requiem via C&W)
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, eho...@onramp.net
(Elynalexis) wrote:
:In alt.rissa, tja...@netcom.com (Tjames Madison) remarks:
:
:/E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
:/
:/: Tjames, you really shouldn't brag so much.
:/
:/All of Usenet is an exercise in penis size innuendo. If you don't
:/believe me, try reading alt.flame.
:/
: I suppose I'll have to start posting my bra size.
:
: KiboL
: (36C)
And this brings up ANOTHER point. Dare I call this a "bone of contention"
<scattered groans, some applause>.
Thank you, thank you
ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible (if not
their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not a similar
system for men? Is there some kind of benchmark men can use to indicate their
prowess?
I, for one, have never been naked with a tape measure, so I'm not really sure
how I stack up to the rest of the human race. Does Playgirl magazine have a
little place where male models scribble in their size?
Maybe they solved this problem in Europe already.
Jaffo
What am I supposed to say if a woman calls up and says
I fathered her child? Thanks for the call? - Rush Limbaugh
http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
Nick S Bensema
In article <31bfb20...@news.io.com>, Jaffo <ja...@onramp.net> wrote:
>Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, eho...@onramp.net
>(Elynalexis) wrote:
>: I suppose I'll have to start posting my bra size.
>:
>: KiboL
>: (36C)
>
>And this brings up ANOTHER point. Dare I call this a "bone of contention"
><scattered groans, some applause>.
>
>Thank you, thank you
>
>ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible (if not
>their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not a similar
>system for men? Is there some kind of benchmark men can use to indicate their
>prowess?
>
>I, for one, have never been naked with a tape measure, so I'm not really sure
>how I stack up to the rest of the human race. Does Playgirl magazine have a
>little place where male models scribble in their size?
Me neither. I compare mine to things lying around whose size I am aware
of because it's part of their name. So far that includes a 3.5" disk and
a 5.25" disk. Needless to say, it doesn't do much for accuracy.
I need one of those cloth ones, because those metal ones aren't... well I
don't know...
>Maybe they solved this problem in Europe already.
Yes, they measure in centimeters and it sounds much more impressive.
--
N i c k B e n s e m a <ni...@primenet.com> KUPD Red Card #710563 ,-._|\
" " " " " " " " " " " """""""""""""""""""" ''''''''''''''''''''' / \
On 22 July, 1996, at 6:00 pm GMT, everyone in the world Phoenix-->*_,--._/
just START HUMMING. Those who don't know will freak. Tucson-->v
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, ni...@primenet.com (Nick S
Bensema) wrote:
:>I, for one, have never been naked with a tape measure, so I'm not really sure
:>how I stack up to the rest of the human race. Does Playgirl magazine have a
:>little place where male models scribble in their size?
:
:Me neither. I compare mine to things lying around whose size I am aware
:of because it's part of their name. So far that includes a 3.5" disk and
:a 5.25" disk. Needless to say, it doesn't do much for accuracy.
This is the part of the thread where the women chime in that, "Oh no, size
doesn't matter." We've already got the intelligence vs. appearance thread
going, before long this'll be soc.singles.
:I need one of those cloth ones, because those metal ones aren't... well I
:don't know...
Careful...
:>Maybe they solved this problem in Europe already.
:
:Yes, they measure in centimeters and it sounds much more impressive.
My penis is SIX HECTARES LONG!
Tjames Madison
Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
: ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible
: (if not their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not
: a similar system for men?
Because men have no need of such measurements to procure
specially-designed semi-orthopedic devices without which certain
protruding parts of the anatomy will lose the battle with gravity even
more quickly and said parts shall stretch and sag in an unsightly,
painful manner. That's why.
Unless you're talking about testicles, in which case I agree with you.
: Is there some kind of benchmark men can use to indicate their prowess?
Yes. It's called "chugging a beer".
: I, for one, have never been naked with a tape measure, so I'm not
: really sure how I stack up to the rest of the human race.
That's okay, Jaffo. The rest of us have a pretty good clue by now.
--
|I do not drive no green cars, don't ask me|
tja...@netcomhookedmendocinoarlingtonccnetmentos.comnet
RoR-Alucard: http://www.arlington.com/~tjames/pig/pigdog.html
"It's a magazine... or something" - D. Futrelle ^^^^^^
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, tja...@netcom.com (Tjames
Madison) wrote:
:That's okay, Jaffo. The rest of us have a pretty good clue by now.
Yup yup yup. <Hikes pants up.> Well, I try not to brag, but it's nothin' more
than God gave me....
<Spot Groundskeeper Willy reference for 10 points!>
Nick S Bensema
Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
: ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible
: (if not their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not
: a similar system for men?
Wait, I just realized that the reason we probably don't is because, well,
our critical parts are covered, in most cases, by at least two layers of
clothing, including an optional third: a sock.
Plus, in person, men rarely discuss that region of themselves without
insanely exaggerating. Serios penile discussions are yet to be seen in
real life social situations. It is only on Usenet where such a system
could be devised.
Your tax dollars at work, eh?
E.Holmes
Jaffo wrote:
>
> Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, ni...@primenet.com (Nick S
> Bensema) wrote:
> :Me neither. I compare mine to things lying around whose size I am aware
> :of because it's part of their name. So far that includes a 3.5" disk and
> :a 5.25" disk. Needless to say, it doesn't do much for accuracy.
>
> This is the part of the thread where the women chime in that, "Oh no, size
> doesn't matter." We've already got the intelligence vs. appearance thread
> going, before long this'll be soc.singles.
You haven't been paying attention. I've disqualified size as a measure
of quality TWICE in the last month.
On the TSW side, women with flat chests get kindly told, "Anything larger
than a mouthful/handful is wasted." Let me tell you, Nonsense! There may
be a few guys out there that really don't care for big tits, but they are
the same ones that like girls so slender that they look like boys, & you
can't get too energetic on them without getting bruised. Most men like full
handfuls, with some left over. Especially in sweaters. I have stories.
> :>Maybe they solved this problem in Europe already.
> :
> :Yes, they measure in centimeters and it sounds much more impressive.
>
> My penis is SIX HECTARES LONG!
I wuv you acres & acres.
KiboL
(36C)
LawyerBoy 0.001
ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) wrote:
>And this brings up ANOTHER point. Dare I call this a "bone of contention"
>ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible (if not
>their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not a similar
>system for men? Is there some kind of benchmark men can use to indicate their
>prowess?
I recently read in Playboy (see! I *did* read it!) where some guy suggested
that penis size should be measured by displacement volume as opposed to length
or width. Playboy felt that the guy had too much extra time on his hands.
Sounds like time isn't the ONLY thing on his hands, IYKWIM, AITYD.
>I, for one, have never been naked with a tape measure, so I'm not really sure
>how I stack up to the rest of the human race. Does Playgirl magazine have a
>little place where male models scribble in their size?
Which brings up another question: would they (or do they) include both
flaccid and erect measurements? The rare specimen that goes from 2 to 10
could be bestowed with the title "The Great Equalizer".
J."Looking for a beaker"Sims.
--
LawyerBoy 0.001 | http://www.neosoft.com/~jjsims/
----------------------------------------------------
alt.texas.highplains: The *real* Septic Tank of Usenet!(TM)
Ask for it by name! | "We don't need no stinkin' FAQ!"
Nick S Bensema
In article <31c073fd...@fullnews.neosoft.com>,
LawyerBoy 0.001 <jjs...@neosoft.com> wrote:
>
>I recently read in Playboy (see! I *did* read it!) where some guy suggested
>that penis size should be measured by displacement volume as opposed to length
>or width. Playboy felt that the guy had too much extra time on his hands.
>Sounds like time isn't the ONLY thing on his hands, IYKWIM, AITYD.
This doesn't seem like he spent hours and hours at a chalkboard trying to
think up the perfect measurement system. But I didn't read the letter.
>Which brings up another question: would they (or do they) include both
>flaccid and erect measurements? The rare specimen that goes from 2 to 10
>could be bestowed with the title "The Great Equalizer".
Does this happen? huh, I thought there was a fixed ratio.
Something I bet we could use is a measurement for tongue length.
Lesbians could, instead of piercing their nose and chaining them to every
other part of their bodies, could have an armband with their tongue
size. Instead of rejecting and hurting a guy's feelings, or perhaps make
him suspect to her integrity, she should just point her the shoulder that
says ".9 Simmons" and walk off.
And no one has yet talked about measureing BUTTS ( | )
For most people it would serve no purpose other than to snicker and
point. "His butt must be at least 2.5 Limbaughs!" But who knows.
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, "E.Holmes"
<eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
:Jaffo wrote:
:>
:> Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, ni...@primenet.com (Nick S
:> Bensema) wrote:
:
:> :Me neither. I compare mine to things lying around whose size I am aware
:> :of because it's part of their name. So far that includes a 3.5" disk and
:> :a 5.25" disk. Needless to say, it doesn't do much for accuracy.
:>
:> This is the part of the thread where the women chime in that, "Oh no, size
:> doesn't matter." We've already got the intelligence vs. appearance thread
:> going, before long this'll be soc.singles.
:
: You haven't been paying attention. I've disqualified size as a measure
: of quality TWICE in the last month.
:
: On the TSW side, women with flat chests get kindly told, "Anything larger
: than a mouthful/handful is wasted." Let me tell you, Nonsense! There may
: be a few guys out there that really don't care for big tits, but they are
: the same ones that like girls so slender that they look like boys, & you
: can't get too energetic on them without getting bruised. Most men like full
: handfuls, with some left over. Especially in sweaters. I have stories.
STOP TROLLING ME!
AND STOP PUTTING YOU BREAST SIZE IN YOUR SIG!
Jaffo
PS You too Nick!
Nick S Bensema
In article <4pq5ag$m...@bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca>,
K.M. Mennie <k...@aaln.org> wrote:
>In article <31C058...@onramp.net>, E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
>
>: On the TSW side, women with flat chests get kindly told, "Anything larger
>: than a mouthful/handful is wasted." Let me tell you, Nonsense! There may
>
>people, &c. Not many.
That IS the size doesn't matter chorus, or one half of it anyway.
But breast enlargements are cheaper than male enlargements anyway, so
THEY have NO EXCUSE!
Nick S Bensema
In article <rmholt-1306...@cnam012p15.nam.micron.net>,
Rose Marie Holt <rmh...@micron.net> wrote:
>
>Someone recently said size doesnt count unless you're having sex. So this
>means that women actually are not being entirely truthful when they say it
>doesnt count. Does this mean that all my boyfriends were lying when they
>said "more than a mouthful's enough"? Do you think they were just trying
>to get into my p*nts?
If he's trying to get into your pants, and you're flat, then my guess is
that maybe breast size doesn't matter... at least not the first few times.
If he ever gets bored, buy those freakishly gigantic 68 triple-D implants
for him. Then ask guys how much is enough.
In fact.... how much IS enough? Oh boy, back to my research...
K.M. Mennie
:> Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, ni...@primenet.com (Nick S
:> Bensema) wrote:
:> :Me neither. I compare mine to things lying around whose size I am aware
:> :of because it's part of their name. So far that includes a 3.5" disk and
:> :a 5.25" disk. Needless to say, it doesn't do much for accuracy.
:> This is the part of the thread where the women chime in that, "Oh no, size
:> doesn't matter."
: of quality TWICE in the last month.
For disks or dicks? (I see I haven't been paying attention either.)
The `size doesn't matter' is a load of shite. There's a lot to be said for
how the boat floats, mind, but size can certainly compensate for other
deficiencies.
: On the TSW side, women with flat chests get kindly told, "Anything larger
: than a mouthful/handful is wasted." Let me tell you, Nonsense! There may
Yes. As full of it as the `size doesn't matter' chorus. There may be some
people, &c. Not many.
: be a few guys out there that really don't care for big tits, but they are
: the same ones that like girls so slender that they look like boys, & you
: can't get too energetic on them without getting bruised. Most men like full
: handfuls, with some left over. Especially in sweaters. I have stories.
:-P
PROPORTION! All hail PROPORTIONATE jugs!
: (36C)
Kia
"33B"
Elynalexis
In alt.rissa, ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) remarks:
/ ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible
/ (if not their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not
/ a similar system for men? Is there some kind of benchmark men can
/ use to indicate their prowess?
Hello? Mission critical? Well, I _could_ use those visible parts to
complete said mission, but that is really best as an appetizer (of
course I've read JofS, & More JofS, haven't you?).
The actual MC parts for women are usually rated higher when smaller.
KiboL
(who believes firmly in muscle tone, don't you?)
Rose Marie Holt
> Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, eho...@onramp.net
> (Elynalexis) wrote:
>
> :In alt.rissa, tja...@netcom.com (Tjames Madison) remarks:
> :
> :/E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
>
> :/All of Usenet is an exercise in penis size innuendo. If you don't
> :/believe me, try reading alt.flame.
>
>
> Is there some kind of benchmark men can use to indicate their
> prowess?
>
> Jaffo
Doctor B. Science
ni...@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema) writes:
>>Maybe they solved this problem in Europe already.
Actually, Denver Airport is going to have a penis measuring machine.
The only thing is, it's only accurate while you're in Denver. Your
penis would be much smaller at lower altitudes due to the higher air
pressure. However, on a plane, WOW. This is why airline pilots get
laid all the time. It's also why they drink.
--
Sincerely, U How hard is it to remove a bowling ball from
Doctorb Science | the human ear canal while wearing gloves?
Can I borrow your | Should I be annoying and confrontational with
hair, Mr. Shatner? :) my system administrator?
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, rmh...@micron.net (Rose Marie
Holt) wrote:
:Someone recently said size doesnt count unless you're having sex. So this
:means that women actually are not being entirely truthful when they say it
:doesnt count. Does this mean that all my boyfriends were lying when they
:said "more than a mouthful's enough"? Do you think they were just trying
:to get into my p*nts?
No. Yes. Well, maybe.
Jaffo
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, kme...@superior.carleton.ca
(K.M. Mennie) wrote:
:PROPORTION! All hail PROPORTIONATE jugs!
:
:: (36C)
:Kia
:"33B"
:
You know, if I had just started a thread with "Hey GURLS, tell us your breast
size!" I would have been flamed to hell and back. As it is, they're
volunteering.
In some grand cosmic way, I guess this could be considered a successful troll.
Jaffo
PS Unfortunately, I can never troll _on purpose_
James Carriere
K.M. Mennie (kme...@superior.carleton.ca) wrote:
>"33B"
but earlier wrote:
>unpadded. I dig through the rack for -my- size, `32B.' 32B has a SHITLOAD
Embellishing things a little ourselves now, are we?
:)
--
James Carriere, stalker
Lee S. Bumgarner
> /
> /All of Usenet is an exercise in penis size innuendo. If you don't
> /believe me, try reading alt.flame.
> I suppose I'll have to start posting my bra size.
> KiboL
> (36C)
> P.S. As more women enter the net, we'll have to add the acronym
> TSW to parallel DSW.
You know, there are some things I have zero interest in, esp during the
"due dillgence(sp)" phase of a relationship (also known as "just
talking.") Bra size and approximate commencment of next menstral cycle are
two I can think of off the top of my head. I suppose the primary reason of
the former comes from general sense of not caring how big a woman's
um, mammory glands are.
-l
this post was a period peice.
__
Undertoad: http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ "Klaatu barada nictow" * "Usenet
is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to
redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts
of excrement when you least expect it. " --sp...@cs.purdue.edu (1992) * Jesus
loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole * Kibo/Furr in '96!
default
In article <tjamesDs...@netcom.com>, tja...@netcom.com (Tjames Madison) wrote:
>Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
>
>: ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible
>: (if not their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not
>: a similar system for men?
>Because men have no need of such measurements to procure
>specially-designed semi-orthopedic devices without which certain
>protruding parts of the anatomy will lose the battle with gravity even
>more quickly and said parts shall stretch and sag in an unsightly,
>painful manner. That's why.
>
>Unless you're talking about testicles, in which case I agree with you.
>
You know, there's a fine line between an obsession with penises and...
Oh, nevermind.
E
default
>Besides, all I meant is that I can wear big kid pants! YAAAAAAYYY!!!
>Mommy, look: I'm a big kid now!
Yeah, "big kid pants"...
>tj "big, well-proportioned, goofy" m
Well.
E
K.M. Mennie
In article <4ps5vu$b...@bertrand.ccs.carleton.ca>,
James Carriere <jcar...@lager.engsoc.carleton.ca> wrote:
:K.M. Mennie (kme...@superior.carleton.ca) wrote:
:>"33B"
:but earlier wrote:
:>unpadded. I dig through the rack for -my- size, `32B.' 32B has a SHITLOAD
:Embellishing things a little ourselves now, are we?
:-P
Most of my bras are 34B. 32B almost always fits better, but not quite;
so...33? I dunno. 32B is almost impossible to find; last time I got out a
tape measure, I think it worked out to 33. NB that the # is the `band'
size, so it's not much of an embellishment.
KiaLogic: since 32B is so hard to find, it must mean that my tits are
larger than they should be w.r.t. torso proportions. Uh, yeah. That's it.
I hate bra manufacturers. I particularly hate the ones who feel the need
to pad anything under a C cup.
:James Carriere, stalker
Very clever, tho. I fear I probably contradict myself a lot.
Uh, not that this is an important topic.
E.Holmes
In alt.religion.kibology, ni...@Primenet.Com (Nick S Bensema) remarks:
/In article <31c073fd...@fullnews.neosoft.com>,
/LawyerBoy 0.001 <jjs...@neosoft.com> wrote:
/>Which brings up another question: would they (or do they) include both
/>flaccid and erect measurements? The rare specimen that goes from 2 to 10
/>could be bestowed with the title "The Great Equalizer".
/
/Does this happen? huh, I thought there was a fixed ratio.
/
Indeed yes it does. My late husband was actually somewhat
concerned because his was rather tiny when flaccid.
I explained that the critical comparison was done when
erect, and that he was a bit above average. He felt better
then. It isn't always the case, but it is not uncommon for
the ratio to be extreme.
Another thing (no pun intended) I've noticed is that men
with really large flaccid ones don't usually (again, this is
not across the board always or anything) get as hard. I'd
rather have someone small & real hard rather than big &
like a plush toy.
default
>What am I supposed to say if a woman calls up and says
>I fathered her child? Thanks for the call? - Rush Limbaugh
I understand his actual response is usually "Madam, I have no penis therefore
what you suggest is simply out of the question."
Hey, I just report the news, ya know?
E
E.Holmes
In alt.rissa, bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu (Lee S. Bumgarner) remarks:
/You know, there are some things I have zero interest in, esp during the
/"due dillgence(sp)" phase of a relationship (also known as "just
/talking.") Bra size and approximate commencment of next menstral cycle are
/two I can think of off the top of my head. I suppose the primary reason of
/the former comes from general sense of not caring how big a woman's
/um, mammory glands are.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. If I were in an early dating, or
pre-dating phase, I would be most disconcerted if the guy started
talking about his dick size. In fact, that would pretty much end
things insofar as a 'relationship' might go. However, having sat
around & swilled beer with lots of often exclusively male groups
during my military years, it doesn't seem at all out of place as
a group discussion. Quite normal, really.
KiboL
(who's just one of the guys, yall)
P.S. And of course, once deeply into a relationship, it's
always healthy to be able to talk about absolutely anything.
P.S.S. It has occurred to me that one practices having these
open discussions in groups so that one can feel more
comfortable, less embarrassed, talking one on one.
Nick S Bensema
In article <4pvir5$4...@doc.jmu.edu>,
Lee S. Bumgarner <bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu> wrote:
>
>I still believe that the whole breast size & penis size debate is simply
>societies way of making have angst over a peice of our body's we can't
>change (at least without money.) The worst thing about all of this is,
>too frequently it's WOMEN who are doing the contrasting and comparing
>of other women's breast sizes. On a side note, I've known at least one
That's because men try really hard not to look at each other down there.
And when women are well-endowed, its sort opf hard not to either look or
notice.
Tjames Madison
E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
: Another thing (no pun intended) I've noticed is that men
: with really large flaccid ones don't usually (again, this is
: not across the board always or anything) get as hard. I'd
: rather have someone small & real hard rather than big &
: like a plush toy.
I will not discuss the size and shape of my penis on Usenet.
I will not discuss the size and shape of my penis on Usenet.
I will not discuss the size and shape of my penis on Usenet.
I will not discuss the size and shape of my penis on Usenet.
I will not discuss the size and shape of my penis on Usenet.
Okay.
--
w e l c o m e t o t h e t e r r o r d r o n e
R | o | R
A | L | U | C | A | R | D
http://www.arlington.com/~tjames/tjames.html
Lee S. Bumgarner
> >
> >: On the TSW side, women with flat chests get kindly told, "Anything larger
> >: than a mouthful/handful is wasted." Let me tell you, Nonsense! There may
> >
> >Yes. As full of it as the `size doesn't matter' chorus. There may be some
> >people, &c. Not many.
> That IS the size doesn't matter chorus, or one half of it anyway.
I still believe that the whole breast size & penis size debate is simply
societies way of making have angst over a peice of our body's we can't
change (at least without money.) The worst thing about all of this is,
too frequently it's WOMEN who are doing the contrasting and comparing
of other women's breast sizes. On a side note, I've known at least one
woman with larger breasts who kept talking about how much see wanted to
get them reduced. And when you think about it, if you have a REALLY REALLY
big dick, sex must be a pain. You would keep passing out n stuff.
-l
grass is always greener I suppose.
E.Holmes
Lee S. Bumgarner wrote:
[...]
> On a side note, I've known at least one
> woman with larger breasts who kept talking about how much see wanted to
> get them reduced. And when you think about it, if you have a REALLY REALLY
> big dick, sex must be a pain. You would keep passing out n stuff.
>
> -l
> grass is always greener I suppose.
As I have been generally keeping to the spirit of the ark on this,
I had not mentioned that. Generally, I would love to have a reduction.
They do get in the way. I always wanted to become good at archery,
but there was no way I could develop a good hold. Had to settle for
darts - but that's okay because I'm a really good dart player now.
And playing darts goes much better with beer. Cloud. Silver lining.
Fertilized the grass.
KiboL
P.S. Come see me at http://rampages.onramp.net/~eholmes/
(you're all in there, after yall get off the front porch)
Elisabeth Higgins
In article <4pvir5$4...@doc.jmu.edu>, bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu says...
>I still believe that the whole breast size & penis size debate is simply
>societies way of making have angst over a peice of our body's we can't
>change (at least without money.) The worst thing about all of this is,
>too frequently it's WOMEN who are doing the contrasting and comparing
>of other women's breast sizes.
I'm afraid I should point out that all "serious" discussion of these issues
in this thread, at any rate, has been by females.
I am happy to point out, however, that none of it was from me.
Of course, I am a 300 pound trucker named "Otto."
Otto.
Bill Marcum
In article <31c1e503...@news.onramp.net>,
E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
> Another thing (no pun intended) I've noticed is that men
> with really large flaccid ones don't usually (again, this is
> not across the board always or anything) get as hard. I'd
> rather have someone small & real hard rather than big &
> like a plush toy.
>
--
Bill Marcum bma...@iglou.com
On 22 July, 1996, at 6:00 pm GMT, everyone in the world
Carlos May
Nick S Bensema (ni...@Primenet.Com) wrote:
: Something I bet we could use is a measurement for tongue length.
YM "tounge". HTH!
.adAMMMb. .dAMMMAbn.
.adAWWWWWWWWWAuAWWWWWWWWWWAbn.
.adWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWbn.
..adMMMMMP^~".--"~^YWWWWWWWWWWHHMMMMMMMMbn..
"~^Y" / ..dMWMP".ammmmdMMMUP^~"
| Y dMAbammdAMMMMMMP^~"
| | MMMMMMMMMMMMU^"
| : Y^YUWWWWUP^"
| : |
| : |
l l
\ j
"-..,.^
...and you should see it when I get excited!
-- Tounge of Frog
***********************************************************
* fro...@neosoft.com "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs] *
***********************************************************
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.religion.kibology, bma...@iglou.iglou.com (Bill
Marcum) wrote:
:In article <31c1e503...@news.onramp.net>,
:E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
:> Another thing (no pun intended) I've noticed is that men
:> with really large flaccid ones don't usually (again, this is
:> not across the board always or anything) get as hard. I'd
:> rather have someone small & real hard rather than big &
:> like a plush toy.
:>
:That may be your preference, but there is an alt.sex.plushies newsgroup...
My question? Before Usenet, where did these people GO?
Jaffo
To be fair, I think we should compare "Battlefield: Earth"
to some novels Hubbard wrote BEFORE he died... - John Laviolette
http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
Ben Weiner
rmh...@micron.net (Rose Marie Holt) writes:
>Someone recently said size doesnt count unless you're having sex. So this
>means that women actually are not being entirely truthful when they say it
>doesnt count. Does this mean that all my boyfriends were lying when they
>said "more than a mouthful's enough"? Do you think they were just trying
>to get into my p*nts?
Uh, you were _wearing pants_?
[Can't believe I'm posting to this thread. BTW, a friend of mine met
some guy who said that men were too obsessed with length and that it
was _diameter_ that mattered. He claimed - jokingly - I hope - that
he was "hung like a tunafish can." She was alarmed. And I'm afraid
that I'll never forget the phrase "hung like a tunafish can." Oh my.]
P.S. Above Full Justification is in memory of the late "Jesse Garon,"
who'd surely have posted to this thread, but for his untimely demise.
Crackpottier
> On the TSW side, women with flat chests get kindly told, "Anything larger
> than a mouthful/handful is wasted." Let me tell you, Nonsense! There may
That's what I always tell them, too. But they usually reply with something
like: "It's not my mouth that I was hoping you could fill"
Tasteful thread?
-G
---
AA> Alexander Abian: Equivalence of Mass and Time
AA> Albert Einstein: Equivalence of Mass and Energy
NB> now Mass and Energy.... could you be any crackpottier?
AA> Abian answers: I am not , but you could be a crackpottier yourself
Jesse Garon
bwe...@electron.rutgers.edu (Ben Weiner) writes:
> [Can't believe I'm posting to this thread. BTW, a friend of mine met
> some guy who said that men were too obsessed with length and that it
> was _diameter_ that mattered. He claimed - jokingly - I hope - that
> he was "hung like a tunafish can." She was alarmed. And I'm afraid
> that I'll never forget the phrase "hung like a tunafish can." Oh my.]
> P.S. Above Full Justification is in memory of the late "Jesse Garon,"
> who'd surely have posted to this thread, but for his untimely demise.
I'm alive, and my penis is working just fine, thanks for asking. I
haven't been posting lately because I've been at the American Booksellers
Association convention, where I met Dr. Ruth. She's a short little thing,
and comes up right about to my penis, and she didn't say anything bad
about it when we were talking, so I assume I'm doing okay. Of course, I
also assume that she can see through pants, but then, she IS an expert on
sex, you know.
"Jesse Garon" is a product of:
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Grifter Information Technologies/1230 Market #307/San Francisco 94102
---------------------------------------------------------------------
gri...@primenet.com http://www.primenet.com/~grifter/
Lee S. Bumgarner
E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
> Lee S. Bumgarner wrote:
> [...]
> > On a side note, I've known at least one
> > woman with larger breasts who kept talking about how much see wanted to
> > get them reduced. And when you think about it, if you have a REALLY REALLY
> > big dick, sex must be a pain. You would keep passing out n stuff.
> >
> > -l
> > grass is always greener I suppose.
> As I have been generally keeping to the spirit of the ark on this,
> I had not mentioned that. Generally, I would love to have a reduction.
> They do get in the way. I always wanted to become good at archery,
> but there was no way I could develop a good hold. Had to settle for
> darts - but that's okay because I'm a really good dart player now.
> And playing darts goes much better with beer. Cloud. Silver lining.
> Fertilized the grass.
Another point in the whole Great Breast Debate: are women oblivious to
how distracting their breasts can be to a do0d if they wear a really
light bra? (I know, "What you doin' lookin' bub?")
-l
but still
__
Undertoad: http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ "Klaatu barada nictow" * "Usenet
is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to
redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts
of excrement when you least expect it. " --sp...@cs.purdue.edu (1992) * Jesus
loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole * Usenet is forever
K.M. Mennie
Lee S. Bumgarner (bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu) wrote:
: Another point in the whole Great Breast Debate: are women oblivious to
: how distracting their breasts can be to a do0d if they wear a really
: light bra?
Uh, no. Same lack of obliviousness w.r.t. no bra, and tight shirts. Ah,
the advantages of being `small.'
(See, this is what I meant when I said you seemed to look at things with
wide-eyed wonder.)
Then again, some chykfolk must be oblivious, or cursed with underdeveloped
senses of taste -- compensates for overdevelopment in the snack tray area,
I suppose. Heh.
Rose Marie Holt
> Lee S. Bumgarner wrote:
> As I have been generally keeping to the spirit of the ark on this,
> I had not mentioned that. Generally, I would love to have a reduction.
> They do get in the way.)
I was happy to be "me" in basketball - gals like you kept fouling out.
E.Holmes
Tjames Madison wrote:
>
> E.Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) wrote:
>
> : Another thing (no pun intended) I've noticed is that men
>
> I will not discuss the size and shape of my penis on Usenet.
[multiply above statement by large but meaningless number, just
to make sure everyone knows you are *thinking* about it even if
you aren't *discussing* it]
How about on your web page?
--
E.Holmes
http://rampages.onramp.net/~eholmes/
A weed is just a plant growing somewhere it isn't wanted.
P.S. Actually, I had intended to quietly ignore this thread, after
having poured several quarts of inflammable liquid over it,
but sometimes you just have to go for the gusto.
P.P.S. Previous footnote was for the benefit of E Teflon Piano, who
knows more ancient ad slogans than is healthy for him.
E Teflon Piano
On Wed, 19 Jun 1996, E.Holmes wrote:
>
> P.S. Actually, I had intended to quietly ignore this thread, after
> having poured several quarts of inflammable liquid over it,
> but sometimes you just have to go for the gusto.
Schlitz? Carling Black Label?
E Teflon Piano is a fellow at the Institute of Misapplied Psychometry and
founder of the Internet Legal Society.[dibs] Teflon is DuPont Corporation's
trade name for poly(tetrafluoroethylene). E is E poly(TFE) Piano Enterprises'
tradememe for satire, calculated misstatements and ironic hyperbole.
E.Holmes
In alt.rissa, bwe...@electron.rutgers.edu (Ben Weiner) remarks:
/ [Can't believe I'm posting to this thread.
Heck, I'm beginning to think someone has devised the perfect
troll for me. I try to stop myself, but am just helpless.
/ BTW, a friend of mine met
/ some guy who said that men were too obsessed with length and that it
/ was _diameter_ that mattered.
Diameter is, indeed, more important. Think about it.
I really don't know why anyone got the idea that length was the
important measurement. Perhaps from porn flicks, where they have
to hire guys long enough to do what's necessary from far enough
back to get a camera shot in.
Actually, with appropriate muscular control on the woman's part
(easy exercises you can learn from any Oriental sex book or Lamaze
childbirth class) the size of the man truly does not matter.
Unfortunately, most women are not exposed to this information(1)
& do not develop themselves in ways that would heighten their own
pleasure as well as their man's.
(1) or they don't care to extend the necessary effort
/ He claimed - jokingly - I hope - that
/ he was "hung like a tunafish can." She was alarmed. And I'm afraid
/ that I'll never forget the phrase "hung like a tunafish can." Oh my.]
Thank you for providing a phrase that is refusing to leave my mind.
It's like those '60's bubblegum rock songs, "Yummy yummy yummy, I've
got love in my tummy..." which is strangely appropriate in this case.
On several levels.
/ P.S. Above Full Justification is in memory of the late "Jesse Garon,"
/ who'd surely have posted to this thread, but for his untimely demise.
/
That's it, people. This is a fascinating subject. I could probably
lecture on it for hours, but that isn't why I'm here(2). I will not
follow-up to anymore posts regarding penis size. Or breast size.
Let's talk about computers or something. Hard drives, floppies, RAM,
you might not even know we'd stopped talking about sex.
(2) Why am I here, anyway..?
default
In article <Pine.PMDF.3.91.960620...@UBmail.ubalt.edu>, E Teflon Piano <rgrif...@UBmail.ubalt.edu> wrote:
> Schlitz? Carling Black Label?
Too highbrow.
Thunderbird? Mad Dog?
E (just plain "E")
Lee S. Bumgarner
Well, given that I'm not a woman how do *I* know if women as a rule do
this kinda stuff on purpose or not? All I know is that a guy could get
himself into no end of trouble if he is noticed noticing a CHYK's
breasts like that. I mean, do some women wake up in the morning and
decide to wear their apparel in such a manner as to allow guys to
quickly be able to imagine them nude?
-l
<don't-take-this-the-wrong-way-statement>
Remember, don't be letting any weird do0ds buy you drinks. They
might be slipin' dem Micky Finn's on 'roids in it. Of course, I guess
I could say the same thing to myself and the rest of the male Kibologists.
There are evil Lola's floating around too.
</don't-take-this-the-wrong-way-statement>
Crackpottier
On Mon, 17 Jun 1996, Bill Marcum wrote:
> E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
> > Another thing (no pun intended) I've noticed is that men
> > with really large flaccid ones don't usually (again, this is
> > not across the board always or anything) get as hard. I'd
> > rather have someone small & real hard rather than big &
> > like a plush toy.
> That may be your preference, but there is an alt.sex.plushies newsgroup...
And, besides, what is it that you don't like about the plush-toy ones?
Is it the fur? The hard little buttons that they sew on for eyes and
noses? Is it when the stuffing leaks out and makes a mess all over
everything?
Crackpottier
I'm quite confused about this post. Who wrote what? Does Lee really
have more than one (of "them")?!? And why does he want to have "them"
reduced? I suppose I can see how "they" would get in the way, but
Maybe he should consider having them spliced together insted.
Wait, no, I don't SEE how "they" get in the way, but I suppose I could
IMAGINE how they would. Then again, I could PROBABLY imagine how
"they" could be an asset (gotta be careful how I spell THAT one).
Well, I PROBABLY could, but I'm not going to.
No, Lee, you go right ahead and have "them" reduced, spliced, grafted,
excised, exorcised, or what ever you want. Just leave me out of
the conversation.
-G
P.S. Have you got names for "them" all?
P.P.S. Didn't the original article have something about ARCHERY in it?
P.P.P.S. I think Lee should wear his underwear at the cleaners.
P.P.P.P.S. I think Lee should wear his underwear everywhere.
P.P.P.P.P.S. I think Lee should especially wear his underwear over "them".
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And speaking of P.P.'s, .....
Hong Ooi
ni...@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema) wrote:
>Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
>: ANYWAY, women have a standard measure of size for their most visible
>: (if not their most "mission critical" sexual parts.) Why is there not
>: a similar system for men?
>
>Wait, I just realized that the reason we probably don't is because, well,
>our critical parts are covered, in most cases, by at least two layers of
>clothing, including an optional third: a sock.
>
>Plus, in person, men rarely discuss that region of themselves without
>insanely exaggerating. Serios penile discussions are yet to be seen in
>real life social situations. It is only on Usenet where such a system
>could be devised.
This sounds like a good place to repost the following:
========
Newsgroups: edm.general
Date: 18 Jan 1996 08:52:43 GMT
From: cgo...@supernet.ab.ca
Subject: Car Insurance and Penis Size
Car insurance rates should be calculated on penis size. $200 per inch.
I'm sure that nearly every man would be pround to boast how much they
pay for thier insurance. But of coarse this would be based on the
honour system because if actual measurments were taken, the average cost
would be around $400.
=======
______________________________________________________________________
Hong Ooi ho...@magna.com.au Sydney, Australia
"I think the fall of Berlin was somehow tied with the decline of 80's
pop music." -- Nikolai Kingsley
David DeLaney
bwe...@electron.rutgers.edu (Ben Weiner) writes:
>rmh...@micron.net (Rose Marie Holt) writes:
>>Someone recently said size doesnt count unless you're having sex. So this
>>means that women actually are not being entirely truthful when they say it
>>doesnt count. Does this mean that all my boyfriends were lying when they
>>said "more than a mouthful's enough"? Do you think they were just trying
>>to get into my p*nts?
>
>Uh, you were _wearing pants_?
She's Allowed...
> [Can't believe I'm posting to this thread.
]
Well, given yer monicker it was probably inevitable...
Dave "feels forced to post to every thread about lane-repaving he comes across"
DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney d...@panacea.phys.utk.edu "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://enigma.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
K.M. Mennie
: > Lee S. Bumgarner (bumg...@falcon.jmu.edu) wrote:
: > : Another point in the whole Great Breast Debate: are women oblivious to
: > : how distracting their breasts can be to a do0d if they wear a really
: > : light bra?
: > Uh, no.
: this kinda stuff on purpose or not?
Who _cares?_
Women with visible nipple outlines means one of:
1 I don't care
2 I didn't notice
3 I think it's hot damn sexy/I just like it
Pick any of the three: it doesn't mean you can hit on them any more or
less than if they were wearing a `Sears' `Craftsman' girdle, or no shirt
to speak of.
: All I know is that a guy could get
: himself into no end of trouble if he is noticed noticing a CHYK's
: breasts like that.
Not with me. I'd sit there and say `Ha, ha, Lee, you dolt, you're leering
at my tits.'
: I mean, do some women wake up in the morning and
: decide to wear their apparel in such a manner as to allow guys to
: quickly be able to imagine them nude?
I already answered that. Lee, everyone knows the answer to this except you.
Though I now suspect you of being an unusually sophisticated
perv. `Girls, tell me more about your bras...your lust...'
: Remember, don't be letting any weird do0ds buy you drinks.
Why? I enjoy weird do0ds, and I enjoy free drinks.
: There are evil Lola's floating around too.
She was a show-girl...Down at the Copa..
Nick S Bensema
>Newsgroups: edm.general
>Date: 18 Jan 1996 08:52:43 GMT
>From: cgo...@supernet.ab.ca
>Subject: Car Insurance and Penis Size
>
>Car insurance rates should be calculated on penis size. $200 per inch.
>I'm sure that nearly every man would be pround to boast how much they
>pay for thier insurance. But of coarse this would be based on the
>honour system because if actual measurments were taken, the average cost
>would be around $400.
Speak for yourself.
If this is true, I feel much, much, much better. I'm not working two
jobs, but I can beat $400 easily.
<butt-head> huh huh... I said "beat $400".... huh huh... </butt-head>
This brings up the question not only of english-to-metric, but monetary
exchange rates. Canadians coming to America are in for a bigger chock
than ever.
--
N i c k B e n s e m a <ni...@primenet.com> KUPD Red Card #710563 ,-._|\
" " " " " " " " " " " """""""""""""""""""" ''''''''''''''''''''' / \
On 22 July, 1996, at 6:00 pm GMT, everyone in the world Phoenix-->*_,--._/
just START HUMMING. Those who don't know will freak. Tucson-->v
Gardner S Trask
>>From: cgo...@supernet.ab.ca
>>Subject: Car Insurance and Penis Size
>>
>>Car insurance rates should be calculated on penis size. $200 per inch.
>>I'm sure that nearly every man would be pround to boast how much they
>>pay for thier insurance. But of coarse this would be based on the
>>honour system because if actual measurments were taken, the average cost
>>would be around $400.
David Hasslehoff would get a rebate!!!
Gard "IYKW .... <SITE>" Trask
--
Gardner S. Trask III tr...@world.std.com
"First .cultured man on the Internet" alt.culture.gard-trask
rah...@sonic.net - Elf of the redwoods, sez "I don't crosspost.
I post Followups to other people's Crossposted posts on occasion."