Green Card Lottery- Final One?
Laurence Canter
THE DEADLINE HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED.
The Green Card Lottery is a completely legal program giving away a
certain annual allotment of Green Cards to persons born in certain
countries. The lottery program was scheduled to continue on a
permanent basis. However, recently, Senator Alan J Simpson
introduced a bill into the U. S. Congress which could end any future
lotteries. THE 1994 LOTTERY IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PLACE
SOON, BUT IT MAY BE THE VERY LAST ONE.
PERSONS BORN IN MOST COUNTRIES QUALIFY, MANY FOR
FIRST TIME.
The only countries NOT qualifying are: Mexico; India; P.R. China;
Taiwan, Philippines, North Korea, Canada, United Kingdom (except
Northern Ireland), Jamaica, Domican Republic, El Salvador and
Vietnam.
Lottery registration will take place soon. 55,000 Green Cards will be
given to those who register correctly. NO JOB IS REQUIRED.
THERE IS A STRICT JUNE DEADLINE. THE TIME TO START IS
NOW!!
For FREE information via Email, send request to
cs...@indirect.com
--
*****************************************************************
Canter & Siegel, Immigration Attorneys
3333 E Camelback Road, Ste 250, Phoenix AZ 85018 USA
cs...@indirect.com telephone (602)661-3911 Fax (602) 451-7617
Jen Roth
GLOBAL ALERT FOR ALL: JESUS IS...
oops, sorry. nevermind.
John Mechalas
>Green Card Lottery 1994 May Be The Last One!
<Tom> Come to the last annual Green Card Lottery!
<Mike> I _never_ win anything.
>THE DEADLINE HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED.
<Crow> There _is_ no deadline. There is only Zool.
>The Green Card Lottery is a completely legal program giving away
<Mike> The prices are so low, we're practically _giving_ them away!
> a certain annual allotment of Green Cards
<Crow> Heeey! Just what I've always wanted!
>to persons born in certain countries.
<Mike> Persons _not_ born in countries need not apply.
>The lottery program was scheduled to continue on a permanent basis.
<Tom> Right after these words from our sponsor.
>However, recently, Senator Alan J Simpson
<Tom> A. J. Simpson? The private investigator?
<Crow> That's _Simon_.
<Mike> Didn't he used to play football?
>introduced a bill into the U. S. Congress
<Tom> Well, it'd be pretty _stupid_ to introduce it somewhere else.
>which could end any future
<Crow> It's the Armageddon bill!
>lotteries. THE 1994 LOTTERY IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PLACE SOON,
<Mike> ONLY AVAILABLE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!
<Crow> THIS LIMITED TIME OFFER CAN BE YOURS IF YOU ACT NOW!
<Tom> NOT AVAILABLE IN ANY STORE! CALL 1-800-IM-A-DOLT!
>BUT IT MAY BE THE VERY LAST ONE.
<Mike> (Other items sold separately)
>PERSONS BORN IN MOST COUNTRIES QUALIFY, MANY FOR FIRST TIME.
<Crow> What about those of us who have been _Born Again_?
>The only countries NOT qualifying are: Mexico; India; P.R. China;
>Taiwan,
<Tom> Why did he change from semi-colons to commas?
<Mike> The first sentence was THE DEADLINE FOR SEMI-COLONS.
>Philippines, North Korea, Canada,
<Crow> *whew!* That's a relief!
>United Kingdom (except Northern Ireland), Jamaica, Domican Republic, El
Salvador and Vietnam.
<Mike> and lions and tigers and bears!
<All> Oh my!
>Lottery registration will take place soon.
<Crow> Order now and receive a free gift!
>55,000 Green Cards will be given to those who register correctly.
<Mike> Now what would a person do with 55,000 green cards?
>NO JOB IS REQUIRED.
<Tom> It's the American way!
>THERE IS A STRICT JUNE DEADLINE.
<Crow> Strict June deadline?
<Tom> "When's that strict deadline?"
<Mike> "Juneish"
>THE TIME TO START IS NOW!!
<Mike> Actually, I think it's time to get out of here...
>For FREE information via Email, send request to
>cs...@indirect.com
<Crow> I could have _sworn_ this guy was from AOL...
6 ..... 5 ..... 4 ..... 3 ..... 2 ..... 1 .....
<Mike> What do you think, sirs?
--
John Mechalas \ If you can read this, you are too close.
Project Gutenberg \ "Okay I love you, bye-bye!" --Mindy
jo...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu \ These are my opinions. Mine! You can't
mech...@expert.cc.purdue.edu \ have them! They're mine!
Andrew Derry
>Laurence Canter (ni...@indirect.com) wrote to nearly every $*&#!# nesgroup:
>>Green Card Lottery 1994 May Be The Last One!
>>THE DEADLINE HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED.
><Mike> What do you think, sirs?
(ROFL) Hilarious! :-)
I also think this guy Laurence has finally hit the right group (though
hard to miss the way he's shooting!)
--
Andrew Derry - de...@sfu.ca
Sophie Divliaev
the best laugh I've had on the net so far. Mind you I've only first
started a few days ago.
Any suggestions for a new user such as myself?
Thanks.
Sophie....
Peter McDermott
Avoid *all* offers to ==MAKE MONEY FAST==
-p
Bill Evans
: Avoid *all* offers to ==MAKE MONEY FAST==
Correct. There's no more pitiful sight than hungry money.
-- Captain Nitpick
Jonggu Moon
Whatever happened to the Green Golf Ball Joke ?
It's been a while since I've seen it posted here.
- jon
jonggu moon
"If Yoda so strong in the Force is he,
then why in correct grammar can he speak not ?" - fortune cookie
Eric W Vaandering
Jonggu Moon <jonm...@pitt.edu> wrote:
>
>Whatever happened to the Green Golf Ball Joke ?
>
>It's been a while since I've seen it posted here.
Well, I'd post it since it is without a doubt the funniest thing I have
ever heard, but the penalties for doing that are even worse then the
Green Card thing.
Every single person who's tried has had net access lost for life since
the GGBJ is so incredibly vulgar.
--
Eric Vaandering Physics Department University of Colorado
Boulder CO 80302 vaan...@rintintin.colorado.edu
______________________________________________________________________________
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Ketil M. Malde
In article <CoFyz...@cnsnews.Colorado.EDU> vaan...@benji.Colorado.EDU (Eric W Vaandering) writes:
[green golf ball joke]
Eric> Every single person who's tried has had net access lost for
Eric> life since the GGBJ is so incredibly vulgar.
No it's not! At least, it wasn't vulgar the way I heard it, how does
your version go then?
--
+ Ketil Malde In real life: ke...@ii.uib.no ;
+ Nuke The Whales! Pave The Earth! And Honk If You Love Unicorns! ;
Steve Brinich
Well, I'd start by copying the Net ID of the people who posted the original
Green Card post to every newsgroup and saving it to a kill file.... :-)
Steve Brinich | If the government wants us to respect the law, |
<ste...@access.digex.net> | it should set a better example. |
PGPPrint (finger for key) BB 5E 1E 3D D4 72 52 3A F8 9C 00 00 41 0D 65 65
Todd Blakaitis
>Jonggu Moon <jonm...@pitt.edu> wrote:
>>
>>Whatever happened to the Green Golf Ball Joke ?
>>
>>It's been a while since I've seen it posted here.
>
>Well, I'd post it since it is without a doubt the funniest thing I have
>ever heard, but the penalties for doing that are even worse then the
>Green Card thing.
>
>Every single person who's tried has had net access lost for life since
>the GGBJ is so incredibly vulgar.
>
Its not vulgar at ALL!!! What are you talking about?
It IS however, the funniest joke around.
Geez, just thinking about it... :)
--
\ \_-~-_-~-_-~-|| Aliens think factories are musical instruments._-~-_-~-_/ /
/ / Todd :-) || They sing along with them. :-} :-0 \ \
\ \ Blakaitis || Each song lasts from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. :-| / /
/ /~-_-~-_-~-_-|| No music on weekends. - T.H. \/to...@vu-vlsi.vill.edu_\ \
David Gillies
>could you perhaps mail it to those of us who have never seen it and would
>like to?
>
>donna
>==================================#######===================================
>Bye, bye miss american pie. Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry.
>All them good old boys are drinking wisky and rye, singing this will be the
>day that i die. This will be the day that i die...
>==================================#######===================================
As a cohort of the great Captain Nitpick, I feel I must point out to all you
hitchikers on the Information Superhighway that the correct spelling is levee,
with an acute accent on the second 'e'.
Furthermore, the line starts 'And the good ol' boys...', not 'All them good
ol' boys...', and continues 'that'll be the day that I die'.
Oh Captain, my Captain - you're right. Someone has to set these people
straight.
By the way, Miss (sorry Ms) Womersly, you *live* in the US I presume. You
don't *need* a green card (unless your real name is Donna-Conchita Lopez, in
which case expect a visit from the INS really soon (cackle)).
I would like to know why UK nationals are excluded from the lottery. Is it a
last-ditch attempt to stop us from running *all* your magazines and TV
networks?
______________________________________________________________________
David A. G. Gillies (D.A.G....@bradford.ac.uk)
(c) 1994 Wittgenstein and The Furniture Depository of The Living Dead
A little learning is a dangerous thing - but not half as dangerous as a
lot of ignorance.
-----------------------REPLIES VIA EMAIL PLEASE-----------------------
mi...@cruzio.com
> I would like to know why UK nationals are excluded from the lottery. Is it a
> last-ditch attempt to stop us from running *all* your magazines and TV
> networks?
>
Not to mention taking all the DJ jobs at modern/alternative rock stations.
--
I wish it were darker so you couldn't see my .sig. Pitch black would be nice.
mi...@cruzio.com
(All opinions expressed here are mine, so bite me.)
Craig Dickson
David Gillies (D.A.G....@bradford.ac.uk) wrote:
> As a cohort of the great Captain Nitpick, I feel I must point out to all you
> hitchikers on the Information Superhighway that the correct spelling is levee,
> with an acute accent on the second 'e'.
This is true. I figured the quote was so obviously wrong that she must be
trolling. But if you're going to take her seriously, I may as well take
you seriously (though you must be trolling, since the rest of your
"corrections" are so obviously wrong), so:
> Furthermore, the line starts 'And the good ol' boys...', not 'All them good
> ol' boys...', and continues 'that'll be the day that I die'.
This is false. "And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and rye, (and?)
singin' this'll be the day that I die."
It's a stupid song anyway. She needs a new sig.
--
Craig Dickson (c...@netcom.com) Disinformation as an art form. If our postings
were cells in the game of Life, what patterns would they breed? Is Kibo God?
Is Xibo the Devil? Is a message from Daniel J. Karnes a luminous signal from
the unseen world? "These difficult questions! Tell me a joke." (Tom Verlaine)
------------ Only a fool would quote a .sig block in a followup. ------------
Denny E. Miller
} (All opinions expressed here are mine, so bite me.)
<chomp!>
Honestly, officer, he TOLD me to do it!
<G+>
--
And the Thought of the Moment (tm) is...
Air Traffic Controllers tell pilots how to do it.
Andrew Ellam
>This is false. "And good ol' boys were drinking whisky and rye, (and?)
n'singin'
>singin' this'll be the day that I die."
Andy.
--
"Some may have more fish than you / Others take a different view" - Des'ree
Donna-kathleen M Womersley
CHUCK MANSEN
David Gillies <D.A.G....@bradford.ac.uk> wrote:
>
>By the way, Miss (sorry Ms) Womersly, you *live* in the US I presume. You
>don't *need* a green card (unless your real name is Donna-Conchita Lopez, in
>which case expect a visit from the INS really soon (cackle)).
>
>I would like to know why UK nationals are excluded from the lottery. Is it a
>last-ditch attempt to stop us from running *all* your magazines and TV
>networks?
Some of you UK nationals are utterly clueless. The reason why
Uncle Sam excludes you from the lottery is that he must meet the standards
set by the Environmental Annoyance Administration. You see, many UK
nationals, particularly Englishmen, are far too annoying to enter the
United States. Please understand, this nation can take only so much
tweed, tea consumption, and overuse of nerdy words like "smashing."
Even humble, illiterate campesinos from Latin America have the
ability to have fun and remain relatively unconstipated. Therefore, their
admittance into our borders is more welcomed by Uncle Sam.
I hope that answers your question, Captain Nosepick.
-Chuck
(BTW, when are you going to get rid of that annoying royal family?
Maybe you should force them all to get *real* jobs.)
Lee T. Lau
Found in alt.usenet.kooks; note the followup and edit if thought necessary (
sorry for the repeats).
I've got WAY too much spare time. Maybe I should go find a moose to goose.
----------------
Lee T. Lau (l...@acs.ucalgary.ca)
Cell-Leader of the Albertan Branch of the Canadian Yellow Peril
Bill Evans
: (BTW, when are you going to get rid of that annoying royal family?
: Maybe you should force them all to get *real* jobs.)
What's wrong with surreal jobs?
-- Captain Nitpick
Jon Livesey
>
> (BTW, when are you going to get rid of that annoying royal family?
When they stop annoying silly Yanks.
jon.
Smile (Cynthia Lux)
Unfortunately, surreal jobs bring in surreal money, which is unusable on today's
capitalistic market.
---Little Miss Nitpick
Bill Evans
: In article <Cp12o...@pairgain.com>, eva...@pairgain.com (Bill Evans) writes:
: > CHUCK MANSEN (d...@rintintin.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
: > : (BTW, when are you going to get rid of that annoying royal family?
: > : Maybe you should force them all to get *real* jobs.)
: > What's wrong with surreal jobs?
: Unfortunately, surreal jobs bring in surreal money, which is unusable on today's
: capitalistic market.
So the pound sterling is surreal money? Just as I always suspected.
-- Captain Nitpick
Richard Ramiaz Banks
"dad?"
"yeah russ?"
"what does the queen of england do?"
"well russ, she queens."
--national lampoon's european vacation
Eddy Robinson
>United States. Please understand, this nation can take only so much
>tweed, tea consumption, and overuse of nerdy words like "smashing."
Actually (shuffle of feet) we Irish are the biggest consumers of tea in the
world, per capita.
I wouldn't worry too much about the tweed; the vast majoprity of English
kids want to look like they come from LA at the moment.
>(BTW, when are you going to get rid of that annoying royal family?
> Maybe you should force them all to get *real* jobs.)
They have real jobs - they're a serious alternative to the current
government (hey don't laugh, you should see these politicos we've got).
Irritatingly, I very much doubt Prince Chaz will be on the slip when I go to
vote in the local elections later today :-(
Baphomet
Eddy Robinson
>So the pound sterling is surreal money? Just as I always suspected.
So's the dollar it seems. I'm moving to Japan in a few months, and the damn
yen keeps going up although they're chaning the government almost weekly
there. Weird.
Baphomet