(pages 146-155 of 2200) Ludwig Plutonium,the chosen one from the years of neon through iodine

[Ludwig Plutonium]

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intentions to move. Looking back now I realize that Willis had it in
mind to move out West for a long time. That he wanted to retire out
West because everyone of our summer vacations were out West. Willis
only wanted to wait until I had finished UC to actually do it.
I was checking into the job placement center at UC and the only thing
I could find relating to math was teaching math in the Peace Corps. I
applied, but I did not know if I would get accepted. There was a big
problem because of my citizenship. I was still a German citizen.
There was a big rush for Willis to sell his real estate property.
Yet everything went smoothly, probably faster than what Willis liked.
Because the sale of our house on Ridgeway sold quickly, too quickly and
Willis felt he could have gotten a much higher asking price because of
the speed of the sale. If something sells quickly, it may mean that
the asking price was too low. Willis squared-away the selling of the
apartments in North College Hill to his brother Stanley under a
Contract-of-Sale where Stanley paid Willis monthly installment
payments. Willis sold the greenhouse land which my biological father
and mother, my sisters and brother had lived-in. I would never
communicate with the Poehlmann's until after I was in Australia in 0035
when my mother sent me a letter wanting to see me before she died.

Willis had sold or squared-away all of his real estate holdings and
we started packing. Willis was a materialist. He saved everything given
to him and so we had to rent one of the largest sized moving trucks. We
packed the moving truck full and had a tow bar on the back to hitch the
VW Karmann Ghia. The moving truck was of a large size for Willis had a
huge number of material possession. Willis never threw anything away
and so we had all sorts of tools, furniture, and appliances. We were
due out in Moab, Utah to make the closing for the land on 90 West
Center Street, and everything was going smoothly.
I kept my VW Beetle behind in Ohio in a garage owned by Stanley Hansen
awaiting for my return to start school at UC for a Teaching
Certificate. It was apparent to me now that I had no job lined-up
which related to my math degree, except perhaps the Peace Corps, but
there was no news from them.

Our move to Moab, Utah. Willis and I moved to Utah in late 0032, we
had to be there by November to conclude the sale. It is rather amazing
of all that Willis had accomplished between Autumn
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of 0032 and November of 0032. Finding a place to move to out West and
selling all the real estate in Ohio, then packing and moving. I was to
go back to Ohio to UC for the Winter Quarter of 0033 after Willis was
all moved in. My blue VW Beetle was kept in a garage in Greenhills,
Ohio upon my return.
The moving trip went alright with only a truck motor problem between
Grand Junction Colorado and Moab Utah on I-70. But this was not much of
a problem for all we had to do was call toll-free to the renter of the
truck and they would send their nearest mechanic representative out to
fix it. The next day we arrived in Moab and started the unloading into
our new home on 90 West Center Street, Moab.
We both liked Moab. It had so many scenic attractions for it was
surrounded by three National Parks and a pretty mountain range of the
Lasals. I helped Willis unpack and move into our new home which had
used to be a home-dental office.
I then drove the rental truck to Flagstaff, Arizona from which I would
get a bus or hitchhike back East to UC. My stay in Moab was very
brief. And I did something very foolish then, it stemmed from my
attitude towards money. I liked to save, save, and save. Avoid spending
at all cost. So naturally the choice of getting on a bus to get back to
Ohio was denied in favor of hitchhiking. I hitchhiked all the way to
Ohio, and I made it back there very fast without any problem. One truck
driver drove me through 4 States if I promised to help him load some
steel onto his truck at an overweight stop. I could have injured myself
lifting that steel. Or I could have been harmed, or molested as a
hitchhiker, but luckily I was not. All of us during our youth have had
foolish behavior. But besides worrying about being molested as a
hitchhiker there is little sleep, and no showers. When your young you
do many dumb things, but I made it fine. I think back now about the
many dumb things I did but then I figure that without the dumb things I
would perhaps not realize the smart things later. Perhaps the dumb
things are daring things, and if we never do dumb things maybe we are
hindered in doing daring things. All of us do dumb things throughout
our lives but the important thing is to learn and improve from those
mistakes and to do better in the future.
When I arrived back in Cincinnati, my VW Beetle in storage needed the
battery recharged. Then off I was to UC again. The Peace Corp job did
not seem to be materializing.
I was preparing myself for more UC schooling to get a Teaching
Certificate starting with the Winter Quarter January 0033. I found
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an apartment to rent which was in walking distance to UC. And I avidly
went to check in the UC placement for jobs. I was preparing myself for
the start of Winter Quarter.
Looking back at it now in 0052 as of this writing, I would have never
picked Moab since it did not have the one ingredient most important to
me after 0035 when I lived at Monash University in Australia. The most
important ingredient for me as a place to live, is a University close
by. If I had to move to Utah now, it would be Logan where USU is at,
and not Moab. And then logically, if I had wanted to go back to
University for a Teaching Certificate or to graduate school then it
would be right there at USU.

______________________________________________________
0033, I was 23 years old
______________________________________________________

Bad luck was with me now here in Cincinnati with Willis out West in
Moab. I got a traffic ticket for running through a red light. It was
not an accident, but I did not even see the red light. I had never been
so blind. The Fates were not with me. The future portended bad for me.
I did not feel happy for I was set to embark on a teaching career and I
had all of these "butterflies in my stomach", just thinking about
getting in front of a classroom of kids. I was going to be the
teacher. Me, shy, introverted Ludwig Hansen was going to no longer be
the student but the teacher.
Then a big accident befell me. It seemed like bad luck comes in
bunches. I was running home one cold wintry night from UC, down the
hill along the park by UC. Where in the daytime the water was running
on the sidewalk and had now frozen into ice. But worst of all I wore
those gum-soled boots. I made a somersault in the air from the ice, and
landed with my body weight all on my ankle bones in my right leg.
Again I was young and dumb, figuring accidents only happen to other
people not me. It happened so quickly. And as I lay there I thought, oh
well, just get up and walk home. I had fallen so many times while
playing touch football with my High School friends.
This was different, I tried getting-up, Oh the pain, for the first
time in my life I realized I was injured, that I had broken bones. I am
hurt, I am trembling and shaking. I cannot even crawl. The pain is
excruciating. I am hurt. I had to crawl and then I saw a restaurant
across the street with people and shouted for help. Then someone saw me
in pain and rounded up another guy and they carried
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me home to my apartment. I called Willis's brother Stanley. I had a
broken ankle. Stanley the next day took me to the doctor. The doctor
took X-rays and said I needed pins in my ankle. He put a cast on me
and I bought crutches. I did not want to believe that I needed surgery
and have pins put in me. I refused to believe him, for I sensed he
only wanted more business. Stanley called Willis out in Utah. Willis
decided to airplane back to Cincinnati and take me back out West to
Moab. So much for a Teaching Certificate from UC. But my application to
the Peace Corps was still alive. So that was one hope which was alive
in this anxiety time of my life of finding a job relating to my math
degree.
I was really depressed now in that I had a degree in math with no job.
And I wondered to myself, Willis was probably right, I should have
majored in geology, I would have already found a job by now working
with an oil company.
Willis having airplaned to Cincinnati to take me out West to Moab
decided to sell my VW Beetle and buy a pickup truck in replacement,
since his VW Karmann Ghia and my VW Beetle were not practical for
hauling loads from SLC to Moab. I traded-in my Beetle for a red Datsun
pickup. In this pickup we put all my gear and headed back to Moab. I
could not drive with a cast on my leg and so Willis ended up doing all
the driving. That was the last time I would see UC.
In Moab, Willis drove me up to SLC to have a doctor up there checkout
my ankle. I had preplanned to say nothing about pins and surgery, and
to only answer any question asked by the doctor. X-rays were taken and
the doctor came to me after the examination and said "Your heeling
fine, you just need to make arrangements to remove your cast." Then I
had a cascade of questions to ask him concerning my ankle.
So I was correct, the first doctor in Cincinnati was just
profiteering medicine. There, it goes to show, two doctors opinions are
better than one. Some doctors opinions are backed more by the motive
of money making.

With a cast on my leg and a lot of time in Moab I would start to read
and collect books on trees. I had an insatiable craving for knowing
things about trees at this time of my life. Each tree species had
different characteristics such as black locust, elm, osage orange,
pine. What superlatives did different tree species have? Each tree had
its own special characteristics just like each different element had
its own characteristics.
In a sense, what had fascinated me about the chemical
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elements, I was now subconsciously shifting into a fascination in
trees. Willis, since he was a landscape architect, had many books on
trees and I read everyone of his tree books. But trees have no aspect
of math, the math of elements is obviously apparent for the difference
between one element and another were the different numbers of
electrons. The difference between carbon and nitrogen was just one
electron but such a complete change in characteristics. Between gold
and mercury is one electron, and the difference between hydrogen and
iron was that hydrogen had 1 electron but iron had 26, just a
difference in the number of electrons, but such a diverse and vast
difference in characteristics. One is a gas invisible to the eye, the
other a metal which is strong and solid. Add one more electron to an
element can change its characteristics so drastically. I remember
having thoughts of electrons for atoms the way the genes are for trees,
or the way chromosomes are for living things. I wanted to know the
superlatives of different types of trees. What tree had the strongest
wood? What wood burned the best? What the various nut trees were?
Then the cast was removed. And now my attitude was not so depressed
for I was communicating with the Peace Corps. Things were looking-up in
that I perceived that I would at last get a job relating to my math
degree. I would teach in a foreign country.
I had signed up with the Peace Corps long ago at UC and they
communicated with me by mail out in Utah. I had to change my
citizenship to the US in order to join the Peace Corps. That was my
stumbleblock now. I did not have to go back to College to get a
Teaching Certificate. The Peace Corps was going to solve my immediate
problems.
I was waiting for the Peace Corps while in Moab but in the meantime I
was helping Willis to clean-up and establish our new home in Utah.
Willis had bought this large dentist building with four small houses on
about 1/2 hectare on West Center Street. I remember working to
clean-up the grounds and paint the insides and outsides of these five
buildings. Life was fine out there and I had a lot of fun in this new
Western environment. There was no time clock to punch but there was
alot of work to do.
This is the start of my immense interest and likening of trees.
Willis already had a good collection of books on trees and I would
constantly refer to them. I would read about trees long past midnight.
I had subconsciously shifted my fascination from chemical elements to
that of trees. It was a good shift since it was practical.
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I could go outside in my orchard and pick-off a fruit from a tree and
eat it. We had pear and apple trees. We had strawberries and concord
grapes. I wanted to start growing nut trees and have all the protein
that I wanted for free.
My interest in trees sprang naturally from our resettling out West and
buying land. I had such a keen interest for growing trees such as fruit
trees. I was fixed on the idea that trees can grow food, just go
outside to the orchard and pick off a pear. Fruits were and always
have been one of my most favorite foods. I would usually start the day
by consuming a whole grapefruit or two oranges every morning. I can
easily eat a sack of oranges a day. Tangerines are some of my favorite
fruit. I prefer tangerines or oranges over raw apples. If I bought
apples I preferred the green sour apples and I like apple sauce or
apple pie over raw apples. So in Moab we had an apple tree, two pear
trees and a huge row of concord grapes. The concord grapes were the
best. I love concord grapes equally to tangerines. And I like the old
tale of a donkey placed at equal distances between two equally
tempting piles of hay, that the donkey ended up starving because it
could not decide between the two. I likened my taste for tangerines and
concord grapes on an equal scheme. Raw pears I did not care for if
there was a better fruit available. I have never bought a pear in the
grocery store. But I do love sliced pears in pear juice served with a
heavy cream. Funny how a raw food is unappealing but in combination it
is one of the most delicious foods. Sliced pears with a heavy cream I
would probably choose over tangerines. Raw pears are like raw cereal
without milk, combine pears and cream and they are great. That is the
way of a lot of things, once combined, then they are delicious, like
pancakes combined with butter and maple syrup. Complimentary is the
best.
So I had plenty of fresh fruit already established, already growing on
the Center Street property and I had mail ordered some more fruit trees
but now I was interested in nut trees for my views and attitude towards
meat was changing. I perceived at about this time that most people
eat way too much meat in their diet, and not enough cereals. And that
it should be the opposite way around, that most meals should consist of
fruit, vegetables, cereals and grains and only a small quantity of meat
in each of the three daily meals. I saw nuts as the perfect replacement
to meat for protein. I had tried pinenuts and loved them and I was
interested in growing walnuts and any other type of nut trees in Utah.
This endeavor was so much fun, so interesting, in my quest for growing
my own food naturally, and growing plentiful supplies at little cost.
The offshoot was that I
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was learning alot about trees and horticulture. I already had a wide
knowledge of growing plants, growing trees, having worked with plants
alongside Willi and Willis. Willis had showed me some skills of
horticulture too, but not as much as Willi.

On TV I would see a program which would be imbedded in my mind. It was
a documentary of the Wild Dogs of Africa . At the beginning of the show
it said that this documentary had cruel scenes and if any viewers were
at all squeamish to not watch the program. The cruel scenes were the
ones in which the dominant female would go around to all the other dens
and kill the newborn pups except for one pup which would be the playpup
for the dominant females pups. The playpup was abused by the dominant
females pups, bitten, beaten-up. A toy for her pups. Then when the pups
were old enough to move with the pack, all the wild dogs migrated and
the dominant female's pups were assisted in the long trek. But the
playpup was never assisted and it straggled far behind trying to
catch-up to the pack, but since it was unassisted and its young legs
were too small that it eventually lost sight of the pack and howling
for its pack brought scavengers onto it and it was killed.
After watching this show I thought how unfeeling but all reason that a
social pack of wild dogs behave. Only humans let feelings govern above
and beyond reasoning. What we see as cruelty, to those wild dogs is a
natural and calculated survival technique. The playpup was useful for
the rearing of the strongest pups. Not all pups can live for the lives
of the entire pack are then at jeopardy.
This TV documentary was very influential on me. Why? Because it has an
important theme of life contained within it. That we must give over to
reason as much as possible. We must lean on the side of reasoning
instead of feeling. And when we tend towards reasoning vice feelings
then our sacrifices are made evident. The most useful life is one of
sacrifice. The playpup had a harsh life but in a sense a very useful
life. Later, I will recount the life of a human which is the epitome of
the above theme and is a mirror reflection of the life of the playpup,
only it is the life of a human being. That person was Jesus Christ. The
Wild Dogs of Africa was one of the best animal programs I have ever
seen and I tried to buy it later when at Dartmouth in 0052.

I was mildly depressed here in Moab because I had this degree in math
but no job relating to this degree. I wanted badly now to join the
Peace Corps and I called them on the telephone and said I
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wanted to teach in the Peace Corps, what was the holdup. The
representative said I had to be a US citizen and if I could get this
then I could teach math in the Peace Corps. The idea of travel really
excited me. Traveling so far, and in a foreign country. Wow, I was
excited. I wanted USA citizenship.
We would often go to Willis's brother Karsten's house north of SLC.
Embarking early in the morning from Moab and driving 5 or 6 hours.
Karsten was Willis's older brother who lived in Centerville, Utah.
This was the address I would use to get USA citizenship since it was
nearby to Ogden, Utah where the US District Court, the citizenship
court was at. I applied for naturalization. Actually it was a very
easy process for me, as I knew the English language fluently and the
history questions were simple. I think I answered all the ladies
questions correctly. I was naturalized as a USA citizen Sept18,0033. On
my certificate it read a description of me: sex Male, complexion Fair,
color of eyes Blue, color of hair Brown, height 5feet 7inches, weight
130 pounds, visible distinctive marks Scar on forehead, marital status
Single, country of former nationality Germany.
When I got my citizenship papers. I telephoned the Peace Corps
representative and shortly later I was airplaned to Malaysia. To me it
was ironic that I accepted a job which was going to force me to learn
another language, the Malay language, when I liked only the hard
sciences and math and was turned-off by other subjects such as
languages. The subjects which were not science, I did not like. I
accepted a job that I could teach math, only after I had learned this
foreign language of Malay.
My goodness, I had a hard time with English in school, and did not
even want to bother with learning to speak fluent German even though I
had ample chances in my life. But here I was telling myself I would
compromise, that this is a part of growing-up is that out of
practicality I must accept "dislikes" in order to get the "likes". To
me it was ironic at the time that I wanted to teach math which was
precise, exact, accurate, but in order to teach I had to learn
something as imprecise and subjective as a new language.
Interpretation. The Protons were making a duality here in my life that
I would want to teach math but I would have to learn a so- to-speak
dual of math which is language. Math is precise and language is
imprecise. What was an irony to me in accepting this job back in 0033,
I would later, in 0052 see it as a duality sent by the Protons as my
Fate.
Malaysia was a totally different experience to me. Everything
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of my habits had to change. I guess that is why I later liked
traveling so much. That so many of my previous habits were called into
question. The first habit which I had to change was my toilet habits
for I quickly discovered that in Malay custom there is no toilet paper
and so one of the hands is used with water. Thus it is very bad to use
the hand-for-the-toilet for other purposes such as shaking hands or
eating food from. And I thought what a strange custom, but is it in
any way better then my custom of Western culture in the use of toilet
paper. And I came to the conclusion that yes in a way it was better
for how can dry toilet paper really clean well? So from that day
forward I combined the best of two cultures and have since used the
most superior method of toileting. I use toilet paper but I alternate
with wet toilet paper and dry toilet paper so that I am really clean.
I had remembered back to my days at UC a fine shapely female wearing
tight white slacks but then I saw something repulsive, that because the
slacks were white and so tight fitting that there was a large brown
spot and it was highly visible.
In Malaysia, I remember eating sacks of peanuts which were so much
better than anything at home. They were smaller peanuts and after about
eating 30 of them I would get this one peanut that was so strong and
rich in flavor that these were the greatest peanuts in the world. I
would eat these peanuts at every chance to find that one out of 30. I
loved the eating shops in Malaysia with lime water and curry rice and
spicy rice, and chapati. Tangerines and pineapples were great.
I remember other volunteers tried to get me to eat durian. They saw
what kind of a fruit lover I was. I never even bothered to try durian,
for I was not going to spend good money on some experimental fruit
tasting. By then I had figured that I had already found the best foods
in the world and I was not going to spend good money on experimental
foods. That the probability of durian tasting better than a tangerine
was slim, for I figured all the best foods were the ones most readily
available and known and if durian was so good than I would have already
discovered it before then. I believe I have never sampled durian, even
now into 0052.
Some people go under the idea that a person should experiment and have
a broad sampling, a wide view of life. I suppose this reasoning has
some merits but I tend to fall under the other end of the spectrum. I
maintain that it is better to know something really well, to be an
expert in some specific subject rather than a smattering of a broad,
general field of subjects. It is better for me
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to be specific and know what I want and leave the other things untried.
So many things are time wasters, resistance, friction in my way of
getting what I came for. Similar to school, that instead of taking a
broad course of subjects I will focus heavily on math and physics.
That when I complete my studies I will have an expert view of one or
two things. Become a master of one or two things, not a smattering of
tiny bits of knowledge in a variety of subjects. I did not want to know
a little about a lot of things, and nothing well. People with the
broad view, by means of logic, should have little qualm over trying
alcohol, dope, heroin, PCP, experimental sex. The broader the better.
But then these broad minded people would argue with me that there are
limits, broad but within limits. Once they start attaching limits to
their broad schemes, since limits are probabilities, then I will
revert them back to the limit of the point of probability. That it is
illogical to try durian, likewise to eat snails, pigs feet, shark meat,
or any other exotic food. It is illogical for me to get any other ice
cream flavor other than chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla. The
probabilities are against me that I will find a flavor that pleases me
more than these three. Math is everywhere, and I would attach
probabilities to arguments.
It is a shame more people do not major in math for it is a way of
thinking and the minute I am in an argument with a person, either
consciously or subconsciously my brain has already formed an opinion or
is forming an opinion about whether this person is logically capable or
incapable. That this person is not very logical, not sound reasoning,
flawed reasoning, inconsistent reasoning. Whether feelings and
sentiment rule this person's ideas and this person would probably never
do well in any math. Therefore talk as little to this person as need
be, and end the conversation, and soon to end the association.
I believe it is more important in life to not go out on a "I want to
try everything," a generalist view, but to concentrate the mind and
effort into what you know you like and what you are after. So many
other things in life are side-issues, distractions. I believe it is
more important to quickly differentiate between many choices and to
discard all except one or a few. Too many people are easily distracted
and diverted by lifeÕs numerous minor, unbasic, and petty details.
I had given the Peace Corps my willpower to successfully teach in
Malaysia, but when I finally said no, I quit, I think it was like the
durian. I wanted to teach math but I did not want to learn a new
language which I had little desire to really know. My mind was
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