Episode Capsule - 2ACV17 - War is The H-Word
Ostap Bender
for this capsule, could you confirm act breaks? Where I live it's
never been aired, so all I have is the DIVX AVI I downloaded. And I
could only guess act breaks in that. For the same reason, I couldn't
get several items in "Freeze Frame Fun" section. Anyone?
Plus, as I mentioned before, this is the last capsule I make. For
now, at least. Since nobody has expressed any desire to pick it up, I
guess the fine business of capsule making is dead again. Enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
War is the H-Word Written by Eric Horsted
Directed by Ron Hughart
==============================================================================
Production code: 2ACV17 Original Airdate on FOX:
11/26/2000
==============================================================================
TV Guide synopsis:
Seeking servicemen's discounts, Bender and Fry join the Earth Army,
only to
find themselves in a war, and being led by Zapp Brannigan, who has
eyes for
a soldier who's really Leela in disguise.
==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Opening theme promotion:
TOUCH EYEBALLS TO SCREEN
FOR CHEAP LASER SURGERY
Opening theme cartoon:
==============================================================================
> Did You Notice...
==============================================================================
... Brainballs use metric system?
==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
- Billy West (Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth, Zapp)
- Katey Sagal (Leela, Lee Lemon)
- John DiMaggio (Bender)
- Tress MacNeille (Jellyfish nurse)
- Guest Starring
- David Herman
- Phil Lamarr (Hermes Conrad)
- Lauren Tom (Amy Wong)
- Todd Sussman
- Also Starring
- Maurice LaMarche (Kif)
==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
+ Startship Troopers (movie and Robert Heinlein novel)
- The humans being the alien invaders, defeating the strange
indigenous
creatures in war {AL}
- Uniforms similar to the 1998 film {AL}
- Along those lines, they referred to the leader balls as "Brain
Balls"
just like the "Brain Bugs" in the movie. {F?}
+ Star Wars: A New Hope (movie)
- Fry training with lightsaber and a training probe
+ MASH (TV Series)
- The whole hospital part.
- iHawk robot is a reference to Hawkeye Pierce. Its voice is
also
deliberately impersonated.
+ Late Night with David Letterman (TV Show)
- The Top 10 lists. The music, the intro and the whole way
Bender's
"Top 10 most frequently uttered words" is presented is a
reference
to that show.
+ Gerber baby food
- The painting of a baby they use in their logo is supposedly a
very
very young Humphrey Bogart. "The original Gerber baby" is a
reference
to that. {MZ}
+ "Dizzy" by Tommy Roe (1969 song)
- Nixon sings it in the shower {AL}
+ "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves (1983 song)
- Fry sings it while scrubbing Kif {AL}
+ Legion of Super-Heroes (comic-book)
- Leela uses the alias Lee Lemon. In an early issue of LSH,
Mon-El uses
the alias "Legionnaire Lemon". {JB}
+ Elvis Stamp
-"Use the young Bender" {JK}
==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- Zapp and Leela's history
- [1ACV04]
==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
A sign on 7^11
___ 11
/
/
Open 28 Hours
Signs in the windows
CASHIER HAS FREE (anyone
ONLY $10 IN got
CHECKING ACCOUNT WITH what's here?)
Bubble gums at 7^11
SPIDER HUBBLE LIQUID NITROGUM BIG
YUM BUBBLE chewing gum PINK
Outside the recruitment center
EARTH ARMY
RECRUITING CENTER
JOIN THE
ARMY
(picture of
a man in
uniform)
WHAT ARE YOU,
CHICKEN?
BUK BUK BUK
Inside, on the wall
EARTH ARMY
(picture of a coffin
wrapped in a flag)
Employee of
the Month
At the spaceport
NIMBUS (the name of Zapp Brannigan's ship)
Signs:
EARTH MEN BIG WAR
ARE TOMORROW
REAL MEN (anybody got the part here?)
On the ship:
BUY BONDS!
SELL STOCKS
The numbers in the binoculars at the bottom when Zapp zeros in on
Leela
689409: 790 754.
Poster on the wall in the military lunchroom:
(A picture of a woman)
ROUND HIPS
SINK SHIPS
Sign outside the officer's club
WE DON'T KNOW
BUT WE'VE BEEN TOLD
OUR BEER ON TAP
IS MIGHTY COLD
Bender's top 10 list.
Bender's
TOP MOST FREQUENTLY
TEN UTTERED WORDS
1. "ASS"
2. "DAFFODIL"
3. "SHINY"
4. "MY"
5. "BITE"
6. "PIMPMOBILE"
7. "UP"
8. "YOURS"
9. "CHUMPETTE"
10. "CHUMP"
The paper:
NEW NEW YORK POST
WAR OVER!
Balls Thoroughly Licked
(Picture of Zapp
with bruised eye
giving a thumb up)
==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
Georg Lukas
when the military buys his porno mags and stuff in the 7^11, he has
to pay
$ 95, but he gives one bank note to the cashier and leaves without
saying
anything or getting change... is he tipping the man? Or are there
really
95 dollar bills in the future? :))
==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
Michael Zaite
"So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it?
The damn
thing's dead." He's talking about a Panda. If you recall your world
history
Nixon ventured into China to hammer out the double standard for
communist
countries that the western world currently has. I don't know if that
anecdote
ever really happened but basically it would be: The US received a
Panda from
China but it died of choking on it's own vomit during shipment.
JRM
Back in the seventies, when Bubble Yum first came on the market, an
urban legend sprang up that it contained spider eggs, or was made
from
spiders webs.
Check out the urban legends page at:-
http://www.snopes2.com/horrors/food/bubblyum.htm
So it's nice to see the 31st century sells Spider Yum.
Larry F
Regarding the title "War is The H-Word":
I found the quote here: http://www.mi5th.org/WarIsHell.htm
I clipped the relevant part:
'Suppress it! You don't know the horrible aspects of war. I've been
through two wars and I know. I've seen cities and homes in ashes.
I've
seen thousands of men lying on the ground, their dead faces looking
up
at the skies. I tell you, war is hell!' The reporters had missed the
biggest story of the day. Brown, seated alongside Sherman, wrote down
the speech verbatim." The Enquirer and News (Battle Creek) 18
November, 1933.
==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
% At 7^11. Fry is looking at buble gums.
Fry: [Tom himself] Spider yum... hubble... nitro.. Ooh! Big pink.
It's
the only gum with the breath-freshening power of ham.
Bender: And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.
% At the counter.
Clerk: All right, seargant. A $100 worth of Pixie Stix and porno
mags
with your 5% military discount comes to $95.
% Fry and Bender come to teh counter. Fry take the gum.
Clerk: That'll be 40 cents.
Fry: I believe you're forgetting about our 5% military discount.
Clerk: That's only for people in the military.
Bender: What?
Fry: Huh?
Bender: This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against
me.
Clerk: All right, look: our policy is: if for any reason you are
not
COMPLETELY satisfied, I hate you.
% He pushes a button and Fry and Bender are tossed outside on the
conveyor
% belt. Bender's head falls off.
Bender: Okay, now I'm mad. [Puts his head back on]
Fry: Full price for gum? That dog won't hut, Monsignor.
% At the army recruitment center.
Bender: Hello. We are here because... er.. we love our planet [both
giggle]
Recruitment
officer: Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you
your
discount cards.
Fry: Just out of curiosity: we could use the cards to buy gum and
then
immediately quit the army, right?
Bender: You know, playing you all for chumps?
Recruitment
officer: Correct. There's no obligation.
% They both giggle while signing papers.
Recruitment
officer: Unless, of course, war were declared. [Siren blares and a
red light
starts blinking above their heads]
Fry: What's that?
Recruitment
officer: War were declared.
% At the SOUTH STREET SPACEPORT.
Prof.: Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to
eat their
heart to gain their courage. Their rich tasty courage.
[Licks his
lips]
Hermes: I don't want to worry about your jobs while you are away.
That's
why I'm firing you now. [Fake cry]
Leela: [To Zapp] I wanna enlist. My friends always die if I'm not
there to
save them.
Zapp: Sorry, but the army's instituted a man-only policy.
Leela: What?!
Zapp: It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days I'd proudly fought
alongside female troops. Shoulder to er... [Looks at Leela's
chest]
shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by
distracting low cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching
the army
decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in
charge.
Leela: You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.
Zapp: If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very
sexy
learning disability. What do I call it, Kif?
Kif: Ah. Sexlexia.
% The soldiers board and the ship leaves, knocking down one of the
posts.
%
% A the briefing.
Zapp: Men, you are very lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for
your
planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of
you will
be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet.
They'll be the
luckiest of all.
Bender: Great, we're gonna die.
Fry: And this hammed gum is all bones. [Spits]
Zapp: And now to present the logistics of our mission, the
commander-in-
chief, please welcome the original Gerber baby, earth
president,
Richard M. Nixon. [Scattered applause]
Nixon: This is the brass ring, fellows.
% Kif pushes a button, bringing on a hologram, displaying a planet.
Nixon: Planet Spheron one.
Fry: Cool effect.
Zapp: It's a desolate, ugly little planet with absolutely no
natural
resources or strategic value. Questions?
Man: Why is this God-forsaken planet worth dying for?
Zapp: Don't ask me. You are the one who's going to be dying.
Fry: Er, just so that we will know. Who's the enemy?
Zapp: A valid question. We know nothing about their language,
their
history or what they look like. But we can assume this: they
stand
for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you
guys look
like dorks.
Bender: They look like dorks! Argh! [Fry pulls him back and hold
him]
% In the training room. Zapp observes the soldiers training from a
booth.
%
% They train to set up a tent. The take a small pills and drop water
on it.
% The pills pop up to become tents. Fry swallows a pill and drunks the
water.
% The tent opens up in his mouth. He mumbles.
Zapp: What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Ha-ha-ha.
Tent
got your... Kif, write that down and send it to "Humor in
uniform".
% Later, soldiers assemble the guns. Bender throws it together really
quickly.
% When he's done, it turns put he put his arm instead of the gun's
barrel.
%
% Next Fry trains with lightsaber. Kif releases the remote probe. Fry
swings
% the saber several times and finally hits the probe. A bunch of candy
falls
% out of it. Others dive for it.
%
% Then, the soldiers run the obstacle course. Fry and Bender are
sitting on
% the bench. At the finish one soldier passes everyone.
Fry: Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like
regular Gonzales.
% The soldier finishes first and stops, breathing heavily.
Kif: That new recruit is phenomenal.
Zapp: Yes. He edged out my old mark by 2 seconds. And 16 minutes.
And 12
hours. I do plan to finish some day, Kif.
% He walks up to the recruit.
Zapp: Good hustle, soldier [Pats him on the butt]
% The soldier snaps and slaps Zapp. At a closer look it's Leela in
disguise.
Leela: [In altered voice] Eh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack
mode. You
know how testosterone is.
Zapp: As a bubbling crackpot of male hormones I sure do. What's
your name,
private?
Leela: Lee... la.. man. La man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.
Zapp: Lemon, you're a man's man. Yore a man's man's man. And, more
importantly, your hand, while firm and masculine, is soft as
a velvet
child. What lotion do you use?
Leela: Pert-n-Popular, sir.
Zapp: Roger that. Kif, get me 10 cases of Pert-n-Popular.
Kif: What shall I do with your Jergen, sir?
Zapp: Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. [Leela
leaves]
Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen
in all
my years of service. That young man fills me with hope. And
some
other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing.
Kif: Ew!
% At the lunchroom. Zapp is looking at the soldiers through the
binoculars.
% he zeros in on Leela, who is sitting alone at the table.
Zapp: Hello.
% Kif pour some wine in Zapp's glass and in Nixon's jar.
Nixon: [Slurps it] Mmm... that's a nice Rose. So, anyway, we open
up the
panda crate and wouldn't you know it? The damn thing's dead.
Upchucked it bamboo. True story.
Zapp: Aha. Aha. That's whatever you were taking about for you.
% Cut to Leela. Fry, Bender and a couple of others walk to her table.
Fry: Mind if we sit with you?
Leela: Ah... hey, why the hell would I? We are all guys here.
Sweaty,
hairy, gassy guys.
Fry: Good point. I guess.
Bender: You are my kind of soldier, Lemon. A foul-mouthed,
barrel-chested,
beer-bellied pile of ugly muscles.
Man: So, any of you fellows got a special lady back home?
Fry: Well, I sort of have a thing for this girl I work with.
Leela: [In her regular voice] Really? [Disguises it again] What
type is he?
Blond, or Chinese, or cyclops?
Fry: Cyclops.
Leela: Aw, she sounds sweet.
Bender: But sweets girls aren't for you, eh? You hard fighting, hard
farting,
ugly, ugly son of a...
Leela: Stop! Stop flattering me.
Zapp: [Comes in] Ten hut! [Everybody stands up straight] Well,
well, well.
If it isn't Lee Lemon, the flaming star of Brannigan's rough
rangers.
Say, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on
tape.
It's about life in ancient Greece and... [Alarm blares.
Everyone
runs off]
Leela: Sir! The alarm. I think I better...
Zapp: Shh! [Puts his finger on Leela's lips] Don't talk. Just go.
% At the briefing room.
Nixon: We are now in position above Spheron 1. This is the moment
we were
training for all yesterday afternoon.
Zapp: And now for the battle plan. As you all know, the key to
victory is
the element of surprise. [Hits a button] Surprise!
% The floor opens down. They all fall through to the planet's surface.
% [End of Act One. Act Time: Running Time:]
% On the planet surface. The soldiers look around, expecting the
worst.
Fry: It's creepy here.
Man: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle's not so bad?
Man: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. [Whimpers]
% The ground suddenly starts shaking.
Fry: What's happening?
Man 1: Holy shoot! Looky!
% A horde of pink balls approaches.
Fry: The enemy! They are balls!
% The balls bounce to them start knocking people down. Soldiers starts
% shooting. One ball gets hit and deflates like a balloon.
%
% Fry shoots, but the laser from his gun falls right down to his feet.
Leela: Charge your gun, Fry.
Fry: Oh, right.
% Spins the handle on the gun which it plays a jolly tune. Once done
Fry
% shoots up. Horse neighing is heard.
Zapp: [Sitting on a horse which stand on hover platform] Watch
where you're
shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. [Hugs the horse]
There,
there, boy.
% The balls knock down several other soldiers and start bouncing on
them.
% Leela runs to one and kicks all the balls bouncing on him aside.
Man: [To Bender] Give this to my son. [Hands him a watch]
Bender: You got it. [Takes the watch]
Man: Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives.
Bender: Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. [Reaches
for
them]
% The battle continues. Several people recharge their guns.
Man: [To Fry] Cover us, buddy! You've got the only winded up
positron
shooter.
% Fry whimpers. Several balls approach. He screams, shoots a hole in
the
% ground before himself and hides in it.
Man: Fry, you emu-bellied coward!
% The balls knock him down. The others get Leela and Bender as well.
% Several balls get in line to push a bomb. The bomb rolls to Leela,
Bender
% and the other soldier. They scream. Bender crawls towards the bomb
and
% opens his body compartment.
Fry: Bender, no!
Bender: They put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Bender.
[Covers
the bomb with his body]
% A muffled explosion follows. Bender's body expands about twice.
%
% At the hospital camp. MASH theme music plays.
Announcer: Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent 4.
Repeat,
4. I mean 5. Repeat, 4.
% Two doctors carry a wounded to the operating room.
%
% Fry looks into the operating room through the window. Inside,
Zoidberg
% prepares for the operation.
Nurse: Are you ready to operate, doctor?
Zoidberg: [Washing his claws] I'd love to, but first I have to perform
surgery.
[Laughs] I kid, I kid.
% The nurse puts on his gloves, they rip on his claws.
%
% Other doctors operating. Zoidberg's starting his.
Zoidberg: Scalpel. Blood backet. Priest. Next patient.
iHawk: Gee, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.
Nurse: Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone, he has twice the training you do.
iHawk: Yeah, he's a doctor AND a butcher.[Laughs. His patient
laughs in
his sleep as well]
Zoidberg: Oh, see, this is how it starts. First with the jokes, then
comes
the heavy stuff.
% iHawk flips the switch on his body from "IRREVERENT" to "MAUDLIN".
iHawk: When will the killing end?
% Outside, Zapp rides by on a horse which is on a hover platform.
Zapp: Look at this sissy, Kif. While others were fighting and
dying
pointlessly, he was hiding in a hole, wallowing in a pool of
his
own cowardice.
Fry: That wasn't cowardice.
Zapp: I'm depromoting you, soldier. [To Kif] Kif, what's most
humiliating
job there is?
Kif: Being your assistant.
Zapp: Wrong! Being YOUR assistant. [To Fry] Private Fry, you shall
henceforth serve as Kif's assistant.
Fry: That doesn't sound too bad.
Fry: You speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!
% Inside the operating room.
Zoidberg: I'm afraid he's gone. [Covers the patient with a sheet]
Patient: Whoa, doc, I ain't dead.
Zoidberg: Excuse me, I believe I am the doctor.
iHawk: Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. [Laughs]
[Flips the switch to MAUDLIN] This isn't a war, it's a
murder.
[Back to IRREVERENT. Now cheerfully] This isn't a war, it's
a moider.
% The nurse brings in Bender.
Zoidberg's
patient: Bender, old buddy, hang in there.
% The nurse gets him a beer dropper.
Zapp: Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got
grease
on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted
down and
made into a statue of himself.
Nixon: Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want
this
robot fixed. Fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election.
Damn bean-
eating war hero.
Nurse: [To iHawk] Are you ready to operate, doctor?
iHawk: I'd love to, but first I need to perform surgery. [Laughs]
Zoidberg: That's my joke! I'll kill you [Runs to iHawk]
% At the officer's club. Zapp and Nixon at the table.
Zapp: [Drinks] Aw! Pre-war scotch.
% Bender rolls in wheels attached to his sides.
Zapp: Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You are looking sharp.
Bender: [Stands up] I got wheels. With clickety-clackers. [Spins his
wheels]
% Kif brings Zapp another glass.
Zapp: Damn it, Kif. Where's the little umbrella? That's what makes
it a
scotch on the rocks!
Kif: Actually, sir... [Zapp puts the glass in Kif's head] ooh.
Zapp: Make me a new one.
% Kif walks to the bar where Fry is wiping glasses.
Kif: Use a brush, dunderhead. And mix these mixed nuts! I see two
almonds
touching!
% Back at the table.
Nixon: Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of goin all
quagmire
on me. So I'm sending you on one last mission.
Bender: Hot diggity daffodil!
Nixon: A mission of peace.
Bender: Aw...
Zapp: You'll be negotiating with aliens' mysterious leaders, the
brain
balls. They got a lot of brains and they got a lot of
chutzpah.
Nixon: Accompanying you will be out top peace negotiator, Henry
Kissinger.
% Kif rolls in Kissinger's head in a jar on a cart.
Kissinger: How are you.
Bender: Is he any good?
Nixon: Looking like that he talked his way into Jill St. John's
bed. Enough
said.
% The chopper with Bender and Kissinger takes off.
%
% At the showers.
Nixon: [Singing] I'm so dizzy my head is spinning. Like a
whirlpool, it
never ends.
% Zapp is in the next stall. Kif is rubbing his back with a brush from
the
% next stall.
Zapp: A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.
% Fry in the meantime washes Kif with a brush from outside, keeping
his eyes
% closed.
Fry: [Singing] I'm walking on sunshine... O-o-o.. [Hums]
% Leela comes in wearing a bathrobe. She sees what's happening, gasps
and
% Starts to leave.
Zapp: Private Lemon! [Gets out of his stall] No need to leave. My
stall
just became free.
Leela: Maybe you should put on a towel, sir.
Zapp: Right, right.
% Leela quickly runs into the stall and closes the door.
Zapp: [With towel on his head now] I'm about to try the new lotion
you
recommended. If I should accidently put too much on my hands
perhaps I could rub it onto you. [Leela holds her vomiting]
Nixon: Brannigan! My God, cover yourself! I didn't live a thousand
years
and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's
gizmo.
Zapp: Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kif, raise him up
about
nipple high.
Nixon: Come on, Brannigan. Stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got
to get
off this planet before the bomb goes off.
Leela: Bomb?! What bomb?
Zapp: The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible bender
robot.
% Fry gasps. A mule standing next to him kicks, knocking down all the
stalls.
% Leela barely manages to cover herself with a towel.
% Zapp looks at her and hmms.
Nixon: Zapp. Zapp! Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate
the bomb.
% Zapp takes out the remote from his pocket and pushes a button.
%
% At the negotiation.
Kissinger: Now, as for economical operation...
% Something beeps inside Bender as his antenna flashes.
Bender: Ooh. Excuse me [Taps on his chest]
% Ticking is now heard from inside him.
% [End of Act Two. Act Time: Running Time:]
% At the camp.
Announcer: Attention! All personnel evacuate the planet immediately.
And not
just because it's meatloaf night.
Zapp: Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.
Leela: Uh, commander, could you tell me when the bomb is exploding?
Zapp: Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is
voice-activated. It
will detonate the instant the robot unwitting speaks a
certain word.
Fry: What's the word, er.. sir!
Zapp: It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got
it from
this convenient database of his ten most frequently used
words.
% Takes out his palmtop and pushes a button. "Top 10" intro plays, and
the
% words "BENDER'S TOP TEN" float out, spinning. Then they move to the
top left
% corner and an addition "MOST FREQUENTLY UTTERED WORS" appears.
Zapp: Number 10. Chump. Number 9. Chumpette. Number 8. Yours.
Number 7.
Up. Number 6. Pimpmobile. Number 5. Bite. Number 4. My.
[Leela
gasps] Number 3. Shiny. Number 2. Daffodil. And Bender's
number 1
most frequently uttered word, the word which if uttered will
blow up
this entire planet: [Drum roll] ass! [Fry and Leela gasp]
Fry: We don't have long!
% At the negotiation room.
Brainball: We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, followed by
rolling of
the third type.
Kissinger: Say what?
Bender: My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... um... what
do you
call it? Lower back! Yeah, that whole region.
% At the camp everybody's evacuating. The choppers take off and head
to the
% main ship. Fry hides behind barrels and watches the choppers leave.
Fry: Okay. I gotta break down that gate, beat up those three
guards,
steal that chopper and rescue Bender.
% Leela appears, kicks down the gate and swiftly knocks out the
guards.
Fry: Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.
Leela: [Looks back at him] Come on! We gotta save Bender.
Fry: You wanna save him too, Lemon? You barely know him.
Leela: Fry, don't you recognize me?
Fry: [Squints and looks in her face] Hermes?
Zapp: Lee! When will I see you again? Uh! [Sees Leela and Fry
holding
hands] The two of you are good friends? But I thought we
would be
good friends. Well, let's how friendly you get when you are
sharing
a prison cell! [Takes out laser handcuffs]
% Leela punches him in the stomach. He squeals like a pig and drops
the cuffs.
% Leela punches him several more times and finally kicks him, sending
him to
% the ground.
Leela: Hey, Zapp!
Zapp: Eh?
% Leela takes off her disguise, smiling widely.
Zapp: Leela!
Fry: Leela!
Zapp: So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been
so
happy to be beaten up by a woman.
Leela: Let's do it again sometime. [Shuts the chopper door]
% At the negotiation.
Brainball: The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced
three
meters in the air, then he bounced 1.8 meters in the air,
then, he
bounced 4 meters in the air. Do I make myself clear?
Kissinger: Mister ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.
Bender: Argh! These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop
bouncing
and jiggling I swear I'm gonna shove this treaty up their...
wait
a second. Where do you shove things up a ball?
Kissinger: This isn't a productive area of discussion.
% The chopper approaches the negotiation room.
Leela: We're here. I followed the bouncing balls. I'll keep the
chopper at
a safe altitude while you parachute down.
Fry: Okay, my best friend's life is at stake. I can finally prove
that
I'm not a coward. [Puts on a helmet] Will you push me?
Leela: I already did. [Camera moves away to show that Fry's already
in a
free fall]
Fry: Thank you!
% He pulls on the cord, but he's already at the ground. He falls face
down on
% it. A swarm of balls surrounds him and start bouncing on him. When
their
% scatter, Fry is riding one of the balls.
Fry: At last. War has made me into a man. Whe-e-e-e!
% At the negotiation.
Kissinger: Please, gentlemen, we must put an end to the bloodshed.
We've all
seen too many body bags and ball sacks.
Brainball: We cannot condone bouncing of the 7th variety.
Bender: Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of
here.
But before I go I have one thing to say [Climbs on the table
and
turns his back on the brainballs] Bite my shiny metal...
Fry: [Rides into the room] Stop! You can't say the next word!
Bender: Up yours, chump! I said it 906 times before lunch.
Fry: Bender, if you say the A-word, you'll blow up this whole
planet
straight to the H-word. [Opens the door on Bender's body,
revealing
the bomb inside]
Bender: Ooh.
Kissinger: Young man, you have the bravery of a hero. And breath as
fresh as a
summer ham. [Fry smiles]
% Bender starts laughing fiendishly.
Kissinger: What? What is funny?
Bender: Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is
make Bender
happy or he blows up the planet. [Everybody gasps] I'd
rather die
and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute
listening
to these idiots talk about bouncing.
Brainball: Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the
handle.
Bender: That's it, I'm saying it! A is for a...
Brainball: Wait! Stop! We give in to all of Earth's demands! The war
is over.
Our home planet is yours.
% Bender, Fry and Kissinger cheer.
Fry: Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We are the
evil
invading aliens?
Brainball: Correct.
Bender: Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson: don't mess with
Earth!
Brainball: May you bounce in peace.
Bender: Get the hell off my planet!
% The balls jump up and leave the planet.
%
% The article titled "WAR OVER!" is presented (and subtitled Balls
Thoroughly
% Licked).
%
% Back at Planet Express. Professor is working on Bender.
Prof.: Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! [Slaps him]
Bender: [Wakes up and stretches] Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you
get the
bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say?
Zoidberg: I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it.
Prof.: It's stuck in there with glue or something, I don't know.
Bender: Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I
can't say
"ass"? [Gasps] Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!
Ass! All
right! I'm back in the saddle.
Leela: We couldn't disarm the bomb, so we reset the word that
triggers it.
Amy: It's from the list of words you almost never say.
Bender: That's using your ass. So what's the word?
Hermes: We think it's better if you don't know.
Bender: Ow, come on. I'm not gonna say it. Please? Ooh! Is it
"please"?
Fry: Nope.
Bender: Hmm... Words I never say... Oh, I know. Thanks!
Leela: Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.
Bender: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. Wonderful! Hmm...
Non-alcoholic?
Amy: Quit it!
Fry: Bender!
Hermes: Stop it, mon!
Zoidberg: Enough already!
Bender: Compassion. Shrimptoast. Antiquing? [Explosion] I'm all
right.
% [End of Act Three. Act Time: Running Time:]
==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{} Me
{MZ} Michael Zaite
{JRM} JRM
{LC} LooseChanj
{AL} Andrew Levine
{F?} Fraggler?
{JB} Jeremy B
{GL} Georg Lukas
{JK} Joe Klemm
{JL} Johannes Lempp
Jym Dyer
> ROUND HIPS
> SINK SHIPS
=v= This is based on an American wartime poster, "Loose Lips
Sink Ships," which was supposed to discourage gossip. The
enemy presumably listened to gossip for various tidbits, which
could be pieced together to figure out where the U.S. Navy was.
<_Jym_>