Episode Capsule - 3ACV01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Ostap Bender
Directed by Brian Sheesley
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Production code: 3ACV01 Original Airdate on FOX: 1/14/2001
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TV Guide synopsis:
Zapp Brannigan gets Leela to join Amy and Kif Kroker on a double date, which
ends with all stranded on a planet of Amazonian women. Bea Arthur is the voice
of Femputer.
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> Title sequence
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Opening theme promotion:
Secreted by the Comedy Bee
Opening theme cartoon:
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> Did You Notice...
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... Shell catalog is called "J. CRAB"?
... SONYA brand of the speaker on Amazonia?
... The blue-haired and the jamaican looking amazonians got two snu-snus?
While the blond one (Thog) got none?
... Kif, apparently, didn't service a single amazonian?
Joe Klemm
... Bender throwing away the pendant that he received in A Flight to Remember
during Kiff's flashback?
... Fry and Zapp are chained up while Kiff, despite being against it, is loose
during Snu-Snu?
Fen Phen
... the restaurant resembling LAX.
twilightman81
... Zapp finally got the word "Champagne" right?
Ozan Ayyuce
... Nibbler pukes out Sunglasses and a stick blinds use. Who has he
eaten?
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> Voice Credits
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- Starring
- Billy West (Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth, Zapp)
- Katey Sagal (Leela)
- John DiMaggio (Bender)
- Tress MacNeille (Amazonian, phone recording)
- Guest Starring
- David Herman
- Phil Lamarr (Hermes Conrad)
- Lauren Tom (Amy Wong)
- Frank Welker
- Karen Maruyama
- Susie Plakson
- Special Appearance by
- Bea Arthur (Femputer)
- Also Starring
- Maurice LaMarche (Kif, Morbo)
- Featured music
- "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
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> Movie (and other) references
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+ Amazon Women on the Moon
- Episode Title {JK}
+ Air Supply's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
- Kiff's song to Amy {JK}
+ Priceline.com ads
- Zapp's singing (see comments) {JK}
+ The Kinks' "Lola"
- Zapp's song about Leela (see comments) {JK}
+ Jurassic Park
- Water shaking when Amazons are arriving to crash site {JK}
+ Return of the Jedi
- Shot of captured group heading to Snu-Snu area similar to shot of the
male heroes heading to Ewok Village {JK}
+ Sony
- Sonya {JK}
+ The Wizard of Oz
- A normal Fembot disguises herself as a huge Femputer and becomes the
almighty {JK}
+ Palme D'or
- Le Palm D'Orbit
The Palme d'Or (or Golden Palm) is the name of the award for best
motion picture at the Cannes Film Festival. {b}
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> Previous episode references
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- Amazons and planet Amazonia
- [2ACV02] Fry talks to an amazon about Amazonia at the DOOP ribbon cutting
- Kif and Amy's romance. Also Kif's flashback.
- [1ACV10]
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> Freeze frame fun
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Amy's picture's above Kif's bed:
Amy on a chaise longue, Amy yelling at Zoidberg, Amy and Zoidberg shoulder to
shoulder, Amy from the back at a distance, Amy riding Fry (or what looks like
Fry), several head shots of Amy.
The coat check sign at Le Palm D'Orbit
Palm D'Orbit Coat Check
25c Surcharge Each Sleeve Over 9
(And a multi-armed insect alien walking away)
Comedy club is called
THE
DROLLERY
DOMICILE
The apartment guide Leela looks at:
Westside
CaveRentals
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> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
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Amy and Leela put on lipstick, but seconds later, when they walk out,
it's gone.
Amazons didn't know men were used for snu-snu, yet last men who
visited Amazonia were snu-snued to death.
Fen Phen
Dr. Zoidberg's molted shell still has the eyeballs in place. (And if
he's walking around in a towel, why is the shell at the meeting/dinner table
instead of the bathroom or wherever he keeps his towels?)
Moon
The restaurant is called 'Le Palm D'Orbit' though we've been repeatedly
told that the French language is extinct in the year 3000.
Fry steers the Planet Express ship like a maniac though he was able to
fly it properly in 'The Cryonic Woman' (especially considering the
attached building). OTOH, the way he fools around with the ship's model
before Bender destroys it with his hammer looks quite similar to the
way he flies to Amazonia ;)
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> Reviews
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> Comments and other observations
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Joe Klemm
Zapp's singing is done in the style for ads for priceline.com. These ads
feature spokesperson (and main Zapp spoof target) William Shatner singing a
song while promoting an online site that helps people find the best prices
for airlines, hotels, and groceries. Obviously, if you can't stand Shatner's
cover of the Beatles song "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds", then it's best to
stay away from these ads.
The song that Zapp sings a la Shatner is Lola, a tune by the Kinks. What
Zapp fails to realizes when singing this song is its message: the title
person in the song is really a man who dresses up like a girl. While on the
sci-fi subject, one of "Weird Al" Yankovic's best parodies (according to his
fans) is a Lola spoof about the Empire Strikes Back, more specifically Luke's
encounter with Yoda.
Tab is a diet soda that Coca-Cola made before it developed Diet Coke.
Andrew Levine
Actually, the song was originally written (by Jim Steinman) for Bonnie Tyler,
who sang the first and most familiar version in 1983. If Air Supply ever
recorded the song it's news to me.
Also, the karaoke song Morbo sings is "Funkytown" by Lipps Inc., which was a
dance hit in late 1979 and early 1980.
Also, Zapp sings the original lyric, "tastes like Coca-Cola." The Kinks'
record label, Reprise, had the band change the words to "cherry cola,"
because BBC Radio had a ban on songs used as advertising , and would not have
played the "Coca-Cola" version. The "cherry cola" take is the most familiar
version of "Lola." (The BBC folks must have missed the transvestite theme,
which would have probably have gotten it banned regardless.)
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> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
% At Planet Express. Everyone is at the meeting table. Nibbler is lying on
% the table, licking himself.
Hermes: People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughing up hair
balls.
Leela: Well, so is Fry. What's the big deal?
% Nibbler coughs up a huge hair ball.
Fry: [Whistles] He's go me beat.
Hermes: Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair that we all pitch in and
clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All
in favor?
Leela: Yeah!
Bender: Yep.
Fry: Okay.
Hermes: All opposed? [Silence] All abstaining? [Silence]
Leela: [Shake's Dr. Zoidberg] Dr. Zoidberg? Are you okay?
% Zoidberg falls flat on Fry with a hollow noise.
Fry: He's dead. [Everybody gasps]
Prof.: He always seemed so full of life. Laughing, singing, begging for
scraps. And now this. [Takes off his glasses and cries]
Zoidberg: [Comes in, looking lighter and shinier than usual] Why with all
the crying? So that's where I left my shell.
Leela: I didn't know you could take this thing off.
Zoidberg: I was starting to get a little cramped in there so I molted, why
not? Ah, the fresh air feels good. [Starts shaking his gelatinous
body]
Prof.: Stop doing that!
Zoidberg: So long! I'm off to toss this old shell in the dumpster and maybe
pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday.
Amy: Those were toenail clippings.
Zoidberg: A feast is a feast.
% He leaves. On the way out his towel drops, revealing more of his quivering
% flesh. Suddenly, ringing starts.
Amy: Hey! That's my cell phone.
% She runs to the next room. The CellMate cellphone is tiny, but is power
% supply is huge. Amy picks up.
Amy: Hello? [Heavy breathing and stuttering is heard] Hello? Who is this?
[More stuttering] Hello? [Dial tone] Hello? Ay-ya! [Slams the phone
on the table]
Leela: [Comes in] What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again?
Amy: Some guy's been calling and hanging up ten times a day for a year.
Leela: Men who call too much are the worst. I bet.
Amy: I just wish a decent guy would call me instead of this spleazeball
who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. [Phone rings]
Hello? [Heavy breathing and stuttering again]
% Switch to the other end of the line. It's Kif.
Amy: Hello? [Kif stutters] Is anyone there?
Kif: [Hangs up] I love you. [Sighs hopelessly and hangs his head]
% Sad music starts. Kif looks at numerous pictures of Amy above his bed. He
% finally focuses on a newspaper clipping entitled "TITANIC SURVIVORS" with a
% picture of Kif holding Amy on his arms. Leela and farther away the rest of
% the Planet Express crew are on the background. Kif reaches for the phone
% again, picks up the receiver, but stops.
Kif: Why must I be such a coward? [Hangs up and starts crying]
% Zapp comes in.
Zapp: Kif, I'm headed to the men's room and I'll be needing an attendant,
so... Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. [Kif weeps] It's
all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure to some
of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.
Kif: [Sighs] Well, I'm in love with this girl...
Zapp: [Laughs hard, holding on to his stomach] That's rich. Go on.
Kif: I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship you
piloted directly into a black hole.
Zapp: Yes, it was in all the papers.
% Cut to Escape pod near Planet Express. Amy's saying goodbye to Kif. They hold
% hands.
Amy: [Kisses him] Call me! [Hands him a piece of paper]
% Kif breathes heavily and stutters, holding the paper to his heart (or, more
% where precisely, where humans have a heart)
%
% Back to Kif and Zapp.
Zapp: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uhuh.
Kif: I've finished talking, sir.
Zapp: Belay that remark. [Looks at the paper clipping] Your Amy knows my
Leela? I have formed an idea.
% Later, in the ship's bridge. Zapp calls Leela.
Zapp: I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy.
Leela: Forget it.
Zapp: Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on ten dates.
Leela: How about zero?
Zapp: Nine.
Leela: Zero.
Zapp: Seven.
Leela: Zero.
Zapp: Eight?
Amy: Please, Leela? Kif's, like, the sweetest guy who's ever liked me.
Zapp: Five, and that's my final offer. Four.
Leela: One.
Zapp: Two.
Leela: One half.
Zapp: I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner and the
first half of a movie.
% At Le Palm D'Orbit orbiting restaurant. Zapp and Kif walk in.
Kif: Sir, I don't go out on many dates and what if I can't think of
anything to say?
Zapp: Here's my personal book of pick up lines. Say as many of them as you
can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. [Hands Kif the
book]
Kif: Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.
Zapp: [Grabs the flowers from him] Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that?
Candy? Candy's for dorks. [Grabs he box] Give me that. [Starts
eating it, slobbering] Mmm.
% Amy and Leela are already at the table.
Zapp: Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. [Gives her the flowers]
Leela: Thanks. [Sets the flowers on fire, the sticks them in his glass
upside down]
Zapp: Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.
Leela: Half date.
Zapp: Waiter! Bring us a bottle of wine.
Leela: Half bottle.
Zapp: And some oysters on the half shell.
Leela: Quarter shell.
Kif: Oh. And I'd like...
Zapp: Kif's not hungry. [To Kif] Kif, this place is expensive. [To waiter]
I'd like two steaks and the ladies will have some very sensual
salads with low-cal sensual dressing.
% Kif looks at Amy and giggles nervously. Amy smiles.
%
% At the karaoke stage, Morbo is singing.
Morbo: Won't you take me to Funkytown. Won't you take me to Funkytown.
Thank you. [Audience applauds]
Amy: Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night.
Kif: Well, um... [Stutters] Hello.
Amy: 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff.
% Kif breathes heavily and stutters. Then he drinks from his glass and takes
% out Zapp's book. He reads from it.
Kif: Amy, [Stutters] if I said you had a beautiful body would you take
your pants off and dance around a little? [Panicked] Oh!
Amy: What?
Leela: Lieutenant Kroker!
% Kif panics, but Zapp smiles widely and gives him two thumbs up. Kif stutters
% and flips several pages in the book.
Kif: I-I-I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.
Amy: Kif!
Kif: Oh, my. [Grabs his head]
Leela: This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. [They walk off]
Kif: Oh, is there nothing we can do, sir?
Zapp: There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts
beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.
Kif: My years in the Doop Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.
% In the restroom, Leela and Amy put on lipstick with some kind of a laser
% pen, which makes a science-fictiony noise.
Leela: All right, enough lipstick. Let's storm out.
% They walk out of the restroom. Kif is at the karaoke stage, singing.
Kif: Once upon a time I was falling in love But now I'm only falling
apart...
Amy: Oh, that's so emotional.
Kif: There's nothing I can do A total eclipse of the heart...
% Zapp comes on stage and shoves Kif aside.
Zapp: Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the velour
fog. [To the karaoke machine] Hit it.
% Zapp starts "singing", more like talking to the music.
Zapp: I met her in a club down in old Soho Where you drink champagne and
it tastes just like Coca-Cola. C-O-L-A. Cola. [Audience boos]
Chef: He sickens me!
Zapp: She walked up to me, and she asked me to dance. I asked her her name
and in a dark brown voice she said... Leela! L-E-E-L-A, Leela!
[Grabs the microphone and starts "dancing"] Le-le-le-le-Leela!
Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-bum! De-de-de-de de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-dum...
Leela!
% Everyone starts running away. The emergency button glass breaks from Zapp's
% shrill voice. People jump into escape pods and leave, holding their ears
% with their hands.
Zapp: Ba-da-da-da, ba-ba-bum!
Leela: We're going home. Call us a space taxi.
Zapp: No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to,
ladies?
Kif: Please, sir. Let's just divide up the check and...
% Zapp gets the wheel.
Zapp: Let's see what this eatery can do.
% Pushes buttons. The headlights flash, windows open and close, glass wipers
% move and the restaurant starts turning. Then it backs up and quickly starts
% going.
Zapp: Ah, she's built like a steak house but she handles like a bistro.
% The restaurant suddenly shakes.
Zapp: She's out of control. You win again, gravity!
% The restaurant is heading for a planet. Everyone screams.
% [End of Act One. Act Time: Running Time:]
% At the Planet Express. Fry, Bender and Hermes sit on the couch. Zoidberg
% comes in.
Zoidberg: Look what arrived! My new shell catalog. So, let's try some on,
already.
% Puts it on the table. The catalog's a actually a laptop with a holographic
% projector. Zoidberg presses a button. A mexican bandit outfit appears on him.
Zoidberg: Ah, muy macho. Hey, gringos. Here comes El Zoido to ruin your
drinking water. [Imitates gunfire]
Bender: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm Mexican and I find that offensive.
% Opens his door and shows "HECHO EN MEXICO" on the back of it. He closes the
% door and it falls off the hinges.
Zoidberg: You Latins are so hot-blooded. [Pushes button. Now he's in a village
people outfit] This one's like a summer guy. [Turns around, showing
his butt equivalent in the hole on the back]
Hermes: Look, you fat fish. The planet express health plan only covers one
kind of replacement shell. [
% Hermes pushes a button. Now Zoidberg is in a plain white shell with
% a barcode on the chest.
Zoidberg: Oh. [He leaves]
Fry: I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date.
I'm going to call the restaurant. [Speed-dials]
Recorded
female
voice: The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a
note of it. [Fry and Bender gasp]
Fry: We got to go rescue them.
Bender: Ah, I don't know.
Fry: Bender, think of the senoritas!
Bender: Vamonos!
% At the crashsite of Le Palm D'Orbit. Kif, Amy, Zapp and Leela sit around a
% fire, surrounded by flaming wreckage.
Kif: So, Amy. Well...
Amy: It's always a line with you.
Leela: What planet is this, anyway?
Zapp: [Mumbles] I dunno. This whole sector is uncharted.
Kif: It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.
Zapp: Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. [Turns to
Leela] Just me and you. [Whispers to Amy] And maybe you.
% Loud thumping suddenly comes.
Amy: [Looking at the ripples in the glass in her hand] What is it?
% Thumping continues. Leela's reflection in a puddle becomes two-eyed for a
% second. The next thumps resonates in Zapp's stomach. Everyone hides behind
% a tipped-over loudspeaker. Savage growling is heard. A giant foot stomps
% on the fire. It's a giant amazon woman with a club.
Amazon: Me hear people, but me not see people.
Amazon 1: Not big deal. Everybody make mistake.
% The start walking away. Zapp gets up from behind the speaker.
Zapp: Well, hello. I usually don't say this but you are the most beautiful
trio of gigantic ladies I've ever laid eyes on. [Amazons growl] I
find the most erotic part of a woman is the boo... Ahh!
% An amazon grabs him by the head and drags him away. Other amazons take Kif,
% Leela and Amy.
%
% The Planet Express ship, driven by Fry, and consequently flying as if
% driven by a drunk, approaches the planet. Inside, siren blares and Bender
% screams in panic. Fry randomly pushing the controls. The ship clumsily
% lands at the crash site. Fry and Bender run out.
Fry: Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy?
Bender: No, but what do you make of this? [Picks up a large hair-pin]
Fry: I don't know. But it might have something to do with this. [
Picks up a large can on TAB]
% Later, Bender poke his head out of the growth.
Bender: [Gasps] Oh... your... God!
% Fry joins him. They watch amazons bringing out chained Amy, Leela, Zapp and
% Kif.
Fry: All right, here's the plan. [Grunting of a savage]
Bender: What kind of moronic plan is that?
% They both look up and see that an amazonian woman stands above them. She
% was the one grunting.
Bender: Wow!
% She starts clubbing them. Later, they are both chained with the others.
Amazon 1: Women go free. [They release Amy and Leela] Men stay in chains.
Amazon 2: We take them to our leader. She know what do.
Fry: [Blows raspberry] A female leader?
Leela: Fry, shut up.
Fry: Yes, Captain.
Amazon 1: This capital city Planet Amazonia.
Leela: Where are all the men in your society?
Amazon 2: Men die out many year ago.
Bender: With all these women around they were probably nagged to death. Are
you with me, fellas? [Fry and Zapp joins his laughing]
% Amazons, Leela and Amy turn around and look at them grimly. They shut up.
Amazon 1: Here stadium where our women basketball teams play.
Amazon: We no can dunk, but good fundamentals.
Amazon 2: That more fun to watch.
% Zapp, Fry and Bender burst out laughing.
Zapp: Oh, God, you're killing me. [He gets clubbed] Oh, God, you're
killing me!
Amazon 1: This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way.
Amazon 2: It not reinforce stereotypes.
Amazon: Comedy come from character, real situations - not abstract
craziness.
Bender: Translations - boring. [They laugh again] That's a good one. [He
gets clubbed] Ow!
Amy: This women-only planet is sounding better and better.
Leela: I'm already looking for apartments.
% They arrive at the temple.
Amazon 1: Here live vengeful all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates.
Fry: Is she hot?
Amazon 1: That not important. She all-knowing.
Fry: In other words, no. [Gets kicked in the face] Oh!
% They come in. Several amazons bow, and the walls turns over, revealing
% a big computer.
Amazon 1: All hail Femputer.
Amazons: All hail Femputer.
Amy: You all obey a big computer?
Amazon: Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out.
Leela: So why did you make it your leader?
Amazon 2: It seem like different kind of politician.
Amazon: Not beltway insider.
Amazon 1: Femputer, we bring offering of bath beads and scented soaps.
Femputer: Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are
men on her planet.
Fry: It was an accident, ma'am.
Femputer: That does not fempute. Femputer will return after deciding your
punishment. [The wall turns back over]
% The men are chained to the wall.
Fry: Leela, I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me.
Amy: Should we do something? [Shot of Fry, gagging]
Leela: There's no hurry.
Zapp: Yes, a little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order.
% The amazon punches him in the butt.
Zapp: Too hard!
Amazon: Men strange. You have them on your planet?
Leela: I'm afraid so.
Amazon: What they for? [Amy whispers to her] Oh. You mean snu-snu.
Amazons: Snu-snu. Snu-snu.
Amazon 1: We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient
legend and subscription to Cosmo.
Zapp: Just FYI, I could be used for snu-snu.
Amazon 1: Silence! You want to die like last man visit Amazonia?
Fry: What'd they die of?
Amazon: Crushed pelvises.
% A shot of three skeletons with crushed pelvises and deliriously happy smiles
% on their faces (or where their faces used to be).
Fry: Yes.
Zapp: Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.
% The walls turns over again.
Femputer: After lengthy femputations I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the
men. Femputer sentences them... to death! [All gasp] By snu-snu.
Fry: Yeah!
Zapp: Yeah!
% Kif whimpers.
Zapp: What are you, gay?
% [End of Act Two. Act Time: Running Time:]
Femputer: Death to the men. Death by snu-snu. [Men exclaim]
Fry: Although the snu-snu part is going to be pretty good.
Zapp: Baby, it'll blow your mind.
Leela: Femputer, be reasonable. Sure men are annoying and they wreck up
whatever planet they're in charge of. But most of these men are sort
of my friends. They don't deserve to die.
Femputer: Hmm, perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.
Amazon 1: But they make fun women's basketball.
Femputer: What?! Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals make up for
their inability to dunk?
Amazon 2: Yes. They still laughed.
Femputer: The men must die!
Bender: Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill them all, I say. Good
riddance. [Others look at him, surprised] Did I mention I'm not a
man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me
down now, thanks.
Amazon: He big jerk like man.
Bender: I sure am. But check the crotch. [Takes his hand out of the cuff and
bangs on his crotch] Nothing.
Femputer: Very well. Release him. As for the others take them to the snu-snu
chambers.
% A silent scene. Fry and Zapp go from terrified to deliriously happy look
% back and forth several times. Kif, however, is just terrified.
%
% At the Snu-snu chambers.
Bender: I'll miss you, meat bag.
Leela: Me too, meat bag.
Fry: Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this. But I'd
always really hoped.
Femputer: [Via PA] The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one
called Zapp will be snu-snued by the large women. [Shot of large
women. One of them nods] He that is designated Fry will be snu-snued
by the petite women. [Shot of essentially just as large women] And
Kif, as the most attractive male will be snu-snued by the most
beautiful women of Amazonia... [Shot of "beautiful" women. They are
about the same as other kinds. One of them nods] then the large
women... [shot of Zapp group. One of the women nods] then the petite
women... [shot of Fry group. Nod] then the large women again.
[Shot. Nod. Kif whimpers] Initiate snu-snu.
Amazons: Snu-snu, snu-snu...
Kif: Amy, before I die I have to tell you, I didn't mean to say those
awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea.
Amy: Really? Honest and true?
Kif: Yes. And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too
nervous to say hello because... I love you.
Amy: Oh, Kif.
Amazon 1: [To Kif] It Thog's first time. Be gentle! [Grabs him roughly and
throws him over her shoulder]
% Two other amazons grab Fry and Zapp and drag them to the chambers.
Leela: We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the
femputer and reprogram it to let them go.
Bender: Maybe you can interface with my ass by biting it.
% Amy grabs his arm and twists it in in wrist lock, yelling in chinese.
Bender: All right, fine. [Repeats Amy's chinese. mockingly]
% Fry's and Zapp's first "executioners", new ones go in. Fry's and Zapp's
% screams of pain are heard, interleaved with screams of pleasure.
Fry: [Screams in pain] Whoo, yeah! Oh, yeah. [Screams in pain again]
Zapp: [Screams in pain] Oh, baby! [Screams in pain again]
% Bender at the temple. Guards are at the steps.
Guard 1: How Tonk look?
Guard 2: Tonk look good. Me fat.
Guard 1: No, you look good. Tonk fat.
% Bender makes a "yak-yak-yak" gesture and shakes his head. Guards leave.
% Bender sneaks in.
Femputer: Intruder, stay away from the mighty Femputer! Guards!
Bender: Time to override the CPU and reprogram this femputer. [Starts
hitting it with a lead pipe]
Femputer: Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out!
% A section of the wall falls out, revealing a room with a fembot in it,
% tugging at the controls.
Femputer: Cease hitting Femputer. Oh!
Bender: You're no femputer. You're a fembot.
Femputer: It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer so I could rule the
Amazonians.
Bender: But why?
Femputer: Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet - a planet ruled by a
chauvinistic manputer that was really a manbot. Have you any idea
how it feels to be a fembot living in a manbot's manputer's world?
Bender: What?
Femputer: And now, my meddling manbot there's the question of what to do with
you. [Advances on Bender. Bender yells, waving his arms]
% At the Snu-sun chambers. Fry and Zapp walk out of the chambers with knees
% shaking.
Zapp: We need rest. The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and
bruised.
Amazon 2: It time snu-snu!
Fry: Can't we just cuddle? No!
Leela: We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.
% Leela lets out karate yells and starts kicking and punching the amazonians
% in the Kif's line. They don't seem to notice that. Finally she kicks on in
% the neck. The amazon turns around, grabs Leela by the ponytail drops her on
% the ground and sit down on her.
%
% Meanwhile Amy, dressed up like an amazonians and walking on the stilts cuts
% in the line.
Amy: [Imitating amazonians] Me next snu-snu. Out me way.
% She walks into the chambers. Inside, Thog is looking for Kif.
Thog: Where go beautiful man? [Notices Kif on the ceiling] Me want
snu-snu.
% Takes a broom and tries to shake Kif down with the handle. Kif's running
% away by the ceiling.
Amy: [Jumps off the stilts] Ah! Kif, jump.
Kif: [Jumps into her hands] My hero. [They kiss]
% They run away. Amazonians start after them.
Amazon 1: Me not get snu-snu! Get him!
% The get cornered right at the wall with Femputer.
Amazon 1: Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?
Femputer: Come back later. Leave me alone.
Bender: Yeah, get lost. [They both giggle]
% Inside, Bender and Femputer make out.
Bender: Whoo, I'm a scary femputer. Release the isoners. Oh, and bring gold.
Lots of gold.
Amazon 1: Gold? Why Femputer want gold?
Femputer: You heard the man. [Giggles]
% Back at Planet Express. Zoidberg and Hermes at the water cooler.
Zoidberg: And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I
threw out yesterday and I found it in the same dumpster but this one
had a live raccoon inside. [Smacks his mouthflaps] Pretty good
story, eh, Hermes?
Hermes: Stick to someone else, you windy barnacle. [Walks away]
% In the next room.
Leela: It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved when a
manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other.
Bender: Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is, this
gold says that was the best mission ever.
Amy: It sure was. [Kif yawns as a move to put his arms around Amy]
Fry: Oh, yeah.
Zapp: I had snu-snu. [They both wear pelvic casts]
Kif: So, Amy, wha.. what do you want to do now?
% Amy whispers to his ear, smiling suggestively. Kif starts breathing heavily
% and stuttering.
% [End of Act Three. Act Time: Running Time:]
==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{} Me
{JK} Joe Klemm
{AL} Andrew Levine
{FP} Fen Phen
{M} Moon
{b} biohazard
{t} twilightman81
{OA} Ozan Ayyuce
Alan Hamilton
Bender) wrote:
> Zapp's singing is done in the style for ads for priceline.com. These ads
> feature spokesperson (and main Zapp spoof target) William Shatner singing a
> song while promoting an online site that helps people find the best prices
> for airlines, hotels, and groceries. Obviously, if you can't stand Shatner's
> cover of the Beatles song "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds", then it's best to
> stay away from these ads.
Also someone says, "He sickens me!" There's a famous outtake of
Shatner arguing with his director over the delivery of a line, with
the zinger "Please don't tell me how to do it. It sickens me."
Delivered as only Shatner can.
--
/
/ * / Alan Hamilton
* * al...@arizonaroads.com
Jym Dyer
=v= Are you sure? It's not clear to me, exactly, how many
Amazonians had their way with him before he stuck himself to
the ceiling.
<_Jym_>
Michael Zaite
"Jym Dyer" <j...@econet.org> wrote in message
news:Jym.wz4rq...@econet.org...
The First Amazonian to take him into the Snu-Snu room was still in there
trying to get him off the ceiling with a broom. Presumably she had yet to be
"serviced".
--
Mike Zaite ICQ:25758172
CO-LA-MAKES-THE-GOOD-TIMES-ROLL-HAVE-A-PEA-NUT.
Ostap Bender
> The First Amazonian to take him into the Snu-Snu room was still in there
> trying to get him off the ceiling with a broom. Presumably she had yet to be
> "serviced".
She says so herself - "Me not get snu-snu!"