Episode Capsule - 3ACV05 - Birdbot of Ice-Catraz
Ostap Bender
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The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz Written by Dan Vebber
Directed by James Purdum
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Production code: 3ACV05 Original Airdate on FOX: 3/4/2001
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TV Guide synopsis:
Leela joins those protesting an oil supertanker being towed to a refinery by
the Planet Express ship, now captained - poorly - by Bender.
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> Title sequence
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Opening theme promotion:
Now with Chucklelin
Opening theme cartoon:
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> Did You Notice...
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... Bender's shiny metal ass actually got bitten (actually pecked)?
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> Voice Credits
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- Starring
- Billy West (Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth, Smitty)
- Katey Sagal (Leela)
- John DiMaggio (Bender)
- Tress MacNeille (Linda)
Guest Starring
- David Herman
- Phil Lamarr (Hermes Conrad)
- Frank Welker (Penguins)
- Phil Hendrie
- Also Starring
- Maurice LaMarche (Morbo)
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> Movie (and other) references
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+ "Birdman of Alcatraz" (Movie)
- Episode Title
+ "Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back" (Movie)
- Bender getting mangled by a killer whale and ejected on the shore
is a takeoff of the similar scene involving R2D2. Bender even makes
an R2D2 sound during it.
- Leela worrying that Bender has not come back at sunset is also
reminiscent of the similar situation with Han and Luke.
+ Exxon Valdez spill
- Juan Valdez spilling dark matter {JK}
- Bender being sober during the spill (the captain of the Valdez was drunk
at the time) {JK}
+ Orca: The Killer Whale
- at the end where the whale opens its mouth and all the penguins slide
into it {I}
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> Previous episode references
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- Fing-longer
- [2ACV16]
- Bender getting disoriented and rusting around the mouth when not drinking
- [1ACV03], [2ACV18]
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> Freeze frame fun
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The environmentalist fleet banners:
SAVE THE
CRESTED SPINEPECKRE
THINK INTEGALACTICALLY
ACT INTERPLANETARY
PENGUIN UNLIMITED
Also, "GREEN PARTY" marked on the side of the flying saucer with a bunch
of aliens of Kiff species.
Sign near Pluto:
PLUTO
LAST RESTROOM BEFORE
PROXIMA CENTAURI
Posters environmentalists hold on Pluto
GIVE A HOOTO
DON'T POLLUTE PLUTO
PRESERVE
OUR USELESS
WASTELAND
FREE
CHILLY WILL
[picture of a penguin]
GO AWAY
TANKER!
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> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
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> Reviews
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> Comments and other observations
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Larry F
When the protesters made the ring around the tanker and it just went
up around them was right out of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.
When both ships were in the nebula, Kirk noticed that Khan was working
in two dimensions and orders the Enterprise to move "Z minus 10000
meters". The Z axis is up / down from the X-Y plane.
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> Quotes and Scene Summary
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% At the Planet Express. Fry opens a box of STYRO-PAK COOKIES.
Leela: Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-o-licious but they produce an
awful lot of trash.
% Fry take out a bag marked "TOP" out of the box, takes out a brown disk out
% of it and puts it in a press. Then adds another brown and a white disk there.
% He presses them together and take out complete Oreo. Then he takes it apart,
% licks away the middle and throws the rest away in a big pile of others.
%
% Bender meanwhile uses aerosol on his antenna and bends it backwards.
Bender: Ahh.
Leela: And Bender... that aerosol head spray makes your antennae smell
nice...
Bender: Thank you.
Leela: ...but it's doing long-term damage to the planet.
Bender: So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.
% Door opens, the professor comes in.
Prof.: Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial
mission.
Fry: Controversial?
Prof.: Oh, my, no!
% In the meeting room.
Prof.: For this highly controversial mission you will be towing the Juan
Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Colombian dark matter.
Leela: Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak.
Prof.: Impossible. [Bring on a cut view of the tanker] The tanker has 6,000
hulls. So, unlike me, it's entirely leak-proof. Now, once you've
hauled the tanker past the protesters... [Uses the fing-longer to
point it out in the hologram]
Leela: Protesters?
Prof.: Correct - 6,000 hulls.
Leela: Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on
Pluto?
Prof.: [In low voice] To avoid the toll booth.
Fry: Okay, she's already stocked with emergency jam. Let's get going.
Leela: At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor. I can't
participate in this mission.
Prof.: What are you yapping about?
Leela: This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact,
I'm going to go join those protesters.
Prof.: This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket.
Leela: This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years.
Prof.: I said hand it over.
% Leela takes off the jacket and tosses it to the professor.
Prof.: Well, Fry... or should I say... "Captain Fry?" [Fry reaches for the
jacket] No, I shouldn't - because Bender is the new Captain.
Fry: BENDER?
Prof.: That's right - being captain is about intuition and heart - a good
captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is
perfect for the job.
Bender: Well, I do think of human life as expendable.
% Later, inside the ship.
Fry: No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in
her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.
Zoidberg: Ooh, the new one's out.
Bender: Fry, the title of Captain may inflate the HUMAN ego but it's beneath
the notice of my mighty Robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch
at six bells. [Takes out a bell and rings it]
% In space. A fleet of ships of PENGUIN UNLIMITED flies by. On board of the
% main ship. A meeting is in progress.
Waterfall: Greetings, Eco-nauts. I'm Free Waterfall Sr. founder of Penguins
Unlimited. [Everyone applauds] Oh, no, no. No applause. Every time
you clap your hands you kill thousands of spores that'll someday
form a nutritious fungus. Just show your approval with a
mold-friendly thumbs up. [Everyone raises their thumbs] Please hold
your thumbs until the end. Now, folks, it's time to stop that
tanker with a nonviolent human circle.
Leela: Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their
asses?
Waterfall: Now, little lady those people's asses are living things, too.
% Planet Express ship is backing up to hitch to the tanker.
Bender: Aargh! We're hitched up tighter than Davey Jones's U-Haul. At ease,
men.
Fry: [Sitting relaxed in his chair] I am at ease.
Bender: Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now
on, you will be known as "Wiggles."
Fry: The hell I will. Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?
% Bender takes the book and leafs through it in a couple of seconds.
Bender: I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?
Fry: [Grimly] "Always respect the chain o' command... " Captain.
Bender: Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's
table. [Walks away]
Zoidberg: The captain's table. What an honor!
% The tanker is surrounded by environmentalists, who are holding hands,
% creating a human circle around it.
Waterfall: Our peace ring has them trapped like a tiger in a washing machine.
% Planet Express ship's engine revvs up.
Leela: Get ready!
Others: Watch yourself, here they come!
% The tanker goes up a bit and then flies off forward.
Leela: When you were planning this peace ring didn't you realize spaceships
can move in three dimensions?
Waterfall: No, I did not.
% On Pluto.
Waterfall: Folks, that tanker gave us the slip. But we'll stop them here on
Pluto. If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's
nature's long johns. [Picks up some snow and rubs it in his crotch]
If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong hey, I don't want to
be right.
% Inside the penguin preserve.
Waterfall: This here is our penguin preserve.
Leela: Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have
babies.
Waterfall: We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural
environment.
% A hand puppet of a penguin appears, handing the little penguins some fish.
% They get the fish and they peck on the hand.
Man: Ow! My hand! Oh, my God!
Leela: That's adorable.
Man: Ow! Oh! Oh!
% Planet Express ship flies past Saturn. Inside.
% Bender, Fry and Zoidberg dine on a Ping-Pong table with a crudely made
% sign "CAPTAINS TABLE" on it.
Bender: But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it
for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on
the Australian news. You probably didn't see it.
Zoidberg: Brilliant!
Fry: Would you cram a sock in it, Bender? Those aren't even medals.
They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.
% Bender rings the bell. Zoidberg refills his glass.
Bender: Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to
your gallant captain?
Fry: Fine. I've got a toast. To Captain Bender - he's the best... at
being... a big jerk who's stupid and his big ugly face is as dumb as
a butt.
Bender: Eh, I've heard better.
Fry: If I were in charge I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing
but a big blowhard. [Slams the bell away]
Bender: Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! [Slams the plate, which hits the
wall next to Zoidberg. Zoidberg dives and starts chomping]
Fry: Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my
friend. I'm going.
Bender: Going? But... a captain can't drink without his first mate.
% Fry leaves.
Zoidberg: [Emerges from below the table] You can drink with me, maybe?
Bender: Nah, I don't feel like drinking.
Zoidberg: Then if you'll excuse me I see some ravioli that only has two shoe
prints on it. [Bender walks past him, stepping on the ravioli]
Three. [Dives and resumes chomping]
% Planet Express ship flies past planets, making a lot of turns.
Bender: [Sings] Oh, Greenland is a barren land. A land that bears no green
[he's at the helm, messed up] Where there's ice and snow And the
whale fishes blow, and the...
Zoidberg: Captain, please! Have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to
function.
Bender: Gah! I once knew a guy... You look like him... He wasn't, either.
[Grabs his head, groans] I'm a good captain.
Zoidberg: Please, sir! I love you like a father!
% Bender swirls the helm, the ship makes a sharp turn, Zoidberg loses balance
% and is thrown into the corner.
%
% On Pluto. The environmentalists are holding posters, waiting for the ship.
% Leela is not holding anything, just stands with her hands folded.
%
Man: Here they come. [Holds up a poster "GO AWAY, TANKER"] Oh, I hope
they read my sign.
% The tanker approaches flying unevenly.
Leela: Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down!
Man: He must be talking on his cell phone!
% The tanker meets an iceberg. The iceberg cuts the hull all the way
% across the side. The tanker starts leaking.
%
% Inside the ship, "DANGER" warning comes on. Alarm blares. Bender is asleep
% at the helm. Fry runs in.
Fry: What's happening?
Zoidberg: All 6,000 hulls have been breached.
Fry: Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls! When will
they learn?
% The tanker approaches the protesters. They scream. Leela sighs and zips
% her coat all the way, leaving only the eye outside. The dark matter descends
% on everything.
% [End of Act One. Act Time: Running Time:]
% News report titled "TANKED!"
Linda: Continuing our coverage of a tragic [Cheerfully] but far-away [Back
to stock news reporter tone] story. The crisis on Pluto worsens as
dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are
truly horrific.
% A shot of a penguin covered in dark matter, coughing. Several penguins are
% slipping and falling, accompanied by funny sounds. The subtitle says
% "SOUND EFFECTS ADDED TO LESSEN TRAGEDY".
Leela: I don't think any of us can understand how those poor, oil-drenched
penguins feel. [Slips and falls, to same funny noises]
Morbo: [Laughs] Oily humanoid. [Linda laughs too] At the time of the crash
the tanker captain had an alcohol level of .08% - well below the
legal limit for robots.
% To Bender who watches this news report in jail.
Bender: Oh!
Chicken
Lawyer: Son, as your lawyer I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of
trouble. But I done struck you a deal - five hours of community
service cleaning up that old mess you caused.
Bender: Five hours? Oh, man. Couldn't you just have gotten me the death
penalty?
Chicken: I'd have done better but it's plumb hard pleading a case while
awaiting trial for that there "incompetence."
% Camera moves away to show that it's actually the lawyer who is in the cell,
% while Bender is outside.
Bender: Yeah, uh, good luck with that.
% At the penguin preserve. Bender is cleaning penguins under supervision of
% Smitty and URL (the cops). The environmentalists are also cleaning penguins.
% Leela at the end of the line, blow-drying and combing the penguins. She
% dries one penguin, sets him down, cleaning up the last spot on his face.
Leela: Now, you stay away from those puffin twins. [Gently nudges him
in the back. The penguin walks off]
Waterfall: Good way to avoid frostbite, folks - put your hands between your
buttocks - that's nature's pocket.
Leela: Uh... I think I'll go check on Bender.
Waterfall: Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.
% Bender is squeezing oil out of a penguin, drinking it.
Bender: Ah! Can't beat fresh-squeezed.
Leela: Bender, can you at least PRETEND you're being punished? [Checks the
penguins Bender cleaned] And clean the black parts, too.
% Bender mocks her nagging.
Smitty: Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?
URL: It don't matter, baby. They're ALL beautiful. [They hug, sighing]
Bender: Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here? [Sees that they are busy] Ooh,
what's this?
% Takes a tuxedo out of his compartment, puts it on, shortens his legs and
% hides among the penguins, chuckling fiendishly.
%
% The cops finally stop hugging and look around, puzzled.
URL: Aw, man, he got away.
Smitty: I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.
% It's the sunset. The environmentalists are heading back.
Waterfall: Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well,
I'm going to stay up all night singing songs about penguins in a
fine, piercing tenor.
Leela: Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!
% Inside, Fry and Zoidberg play a video game.
%
% Leela comes in.
Leela: Hey, why weren't you Kong donkeys outside cleaning up?
Zoidberg: They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating
penguin eggs. [Turns, revealing egg yolk on the side of his mouth]
Fry: YOU ate most of them. So, where's "Captain" Bender? Off
catastrophizing some other planet? Huh? [Laughs]
Zoidberg: [Slaps him] Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong but he's still your
captain.
Leela: I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group.
Fry: He didn't?
Leela: No, and with wind chill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I
better go find him.
Fry: [Stops her] Wait, let me. Bender and I have our disagreements but
we're still friends. And I'm going to show him what that means. [
puts on the captains jacket] To the ship!
Leela: Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.
Fry: Madam, I am in command now.
Zoidberg: Such a man! I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.
% The ship takes off and flies backwards.
%
% Bender is taking a nap among penguins. Penguins suddenly wake up and start
% walking to water.
Bender: Argh! What the...?! [Falls in icy water] What's this water made of,
ice? Forget this! [Swims to shore]
% A killer whale grabs him and takes him under, but eventually spits him out
% on the shore. Bender lands on his head, babbling, zapping and then shortly
% whistling like R2D2. Then he groans and passes out. When he comes to he
% sees penguins. His computer says "REBOOTING", "SCANNING LOCAL LIFEFORMS",
% "RESET MODE: PENGUIN", "LOADING PENGUIN LANGUAGE".
%
% TASKS:
% 1) ACQUIRE FOOD
% 2) FROLIC
%
% He gets up.
Penguin: [Squawks] Full of fish?
Bender: [Squawks back] Not entirely.
Penguin: Then let's fish.
% They head to water.
%
% To Fry and Zoidberg in the ship.
Zoidberg: Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may
have left space as we know it.
Fry: Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate!
Zoidberg: Stop yelling at me! [Sobs]
% Back to Bender among the penguins. Bender sadly looks at penguin children
% and squawks sadly. He then sees a female penguin. Romantic music plays.
% He walks to her, but some other male penguin squawks angrily at him. Bender
% steps back and squawks sadly. But then he raises his eyes and sees another
% female penguin. Romantic music plays again. They look at each other. Bender
% walks to her and they run their beaks. Then they both head on somewhere.
%
% Penguins slide down the slope and dive. When it's Bender's turn, he slides,
% but gets his head stuck in snow halfway. Several penguins bump into him.
% Then Bender tries to hatch eggs, but only crushes them and squawks
% embarrassedly. Then, penguins are finishing. They grabs fish with their
% beaks. Bender strings fish on his antenna.
%
% Later, to feed the hatched penguins, and seeing that others regurgitate to
% feed them, Bender throws several fish in his mouth, purees them and does
% the same.
%
% Finally, Bender, completely accepted as one of their own, squawks happily
% among penguins.
%
% At the environmentalist meeting.
Waterfall: Folks, it's worse than we thought. It seems dark matter is nature's
sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen
penguin Viagra, and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making them
ultra-fertile.
Leela: How ultra?
Waterfall: Well, your garden-variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the
spill our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.
[Everyone gasps] Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. [Everyone
gasps deeper] Also, the MALES are laying eggs. [Everyone gasps yet
deeper]
% One man passes out. A doctor runs to him.
Doctor: This man is over-gasped!
% The carry him away.
Waterfall: If the birds keep multiplying they'll soon be too many to count.
Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply and starve
to death.
Leela: Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto and dumped oil on them
this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?
Waterfall: Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility and thankfully, we have a
plan.
Leela: What is it? We'll do anything.
Waterfall: Everyone grab your guns. I declare penguin hunting season
officially open!
% He reloads his gun. Others do the same. Leela is shocked.
% [End of Act Two. Act Time: Running Time: ]
Leela: We can't shoot Penguins. Isn't there some way to keep them from
breeding?
Waterfall: Cold showers don't work on antarctic creatures. Now, surely you
agree that a quick, semi-painless death is a damn sight better than
weeks of starvation.
Leela: Well... I suppose, but, I mean I joined Penguins Unlimited to LOVE
penguins not to hunt them.
Waterfall: This time, the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us or
are you going to let innocent penguins suffer?
% Opens the curtains revealing tightly packed mass of penguins outside.
Leela: Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong. I'll do it!
% Outside.
Waterfall: That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point- and-click interface.
Rifle check!
People: Oh-ho-ho, yeah. Ooh-wee, doggies! [Laugh]
Leela: Hey, you're enjoying this.
Waterfall: Look, nobody enjoys shooting penguins. But if you have to shoot
penguins well, you might as well enjoy it.
Leela: I'm sorry but if it's fun in any way it's not environmentalism.
Waterfall: Oh, really? How about blowing up dams?
Leela: Yeah... that is fun.
Waterfall: [Reloads his rifle] Let's conservate.
% To Planet Express ship. Fry and Zoidberg scream. The ship is half-swallowed
% by some space octopus.
Zoidberg: It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.
% Back on Pluto. Leela looks for penguins. She find a big group.
Leela: All right, this is for their own good. Don't leave orphans - got to
kill entire families. [Looks at them though the cross-hair] But
they're so cute. No. You can do this. It's just like murdering a
little butler. I... I can't look.
% Closes her eye, looks away. Her hands shake, but she finally pulls the
% trigger. The rifle shoots, the penguins scatter.
Leela: Oh, no! What have I done? [She runs to the shot penguin] Oh-ho-ho,
you poor little guy! I'm SO sorry, I... Bender?
% Bender sees Leela. His computer says: "RESET MODE: HUMAN", "LOADING HUMAN
% LANGUAGE",
%
% TASKS:
% 1) BEND
% 2) CHEESE IT!
%
% Bender gets up.
Leela: What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys?
Bender: Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! [Little penguins crowd
around him, squawking] Aw, what are you doing? Get away.
Leela: Aw, they LOVE you.
Bender: Well, I don't love them.
% He looks at one penguin. Sighs adoringly and regurgitates some food for him.
% Leela turns away, disgusted.
Bender: I don't know why but when I look down at their little faces it makes
me want to puke. In a good way.
% Other members of "PENGUIN UNLIMITED" show up, shooting randomly into the
% penguins, cheering and shaking their rifles triumphantly.
Penguins: [Squawking] Stand still. It's our only hope.
Bender: [Squawks] That's puffin talk! Now follow me.
% Starts running away. They follow him.
Leela: Stop! Stop shooting! It's me, Leela.
% Someone shoots some fur off her coat.
Man: Sorry.
Waterfall: Well, why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady?
Don't you want to help them?
Leela: Not this way.
Waterfall: What? Why, you're not a tree-hugging kook at all.
Leela: Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or
not. But I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people
who just want to kill for fun.
Waterfall: Leela, you may just be farming some free-range truth there. On the
other hand we already made up 200 pounds of batter for penguin
tempura. Okay, boys. It's them or us!
Leela: No!
% There are no penguins around anymore.
Waterfall: Hey, where'd they...
Bender: [From the top of the hill] Attack!
% The slide down the slope in attack formation, grabbing hunters, bringing
% them down and pecking them.
Bender: [Squawking] We will fight them on the beaches! We will fight them
on the glaciers.
% Penguins catch Waterfall, Sr. and bring him down.
Waterfall: Make sure they use every part of my body!
Old man: I'll avenge your death, son!
Leela: They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this your doing.
Bender: Yep. It's like I taught them - if it ain't black and white peck,
scratch and bite. Now, to take off my tuxedo.
% He takes it off and puts it in his compartment. Penguins turn on him.
Bender: Guys, it's me - your lovable dictator. Uh-oh!
% Leela and Bender start running way. Penguins follow. They get to the top of
% the hill.
Leela: Oh, if only we had a toboggan. [Looks at Bender]
% Seconds later, Bender is riding Leela as a toboggan.
Bender: Faster! Faster!
% When the get all the way down, Bender chops off an ice-floe and they sail
% off.
Bender and Leela: Phew!
% Penguins dive into water and follow them.
Bender: Oh, right - they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.
% Penguins get on their ice-floe and advance on them. Bender and Leela back
% away till they reach the side of the ice-floe.
%
% Suddenly. Planet Express ship flies nearby.
Leela: It's Fry!
Bender: Wiggles?
% The ship lands on the ice-floe. It tilts, and the penguins start sliding.
% The killer whale gets out of the water to swallow the sliding penguins.
Leela: Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.
Bender: Yeah... life is hilariously cruel. [Laughs. He slips and starts
sliding] Aah!
% The Ship's cargo bay opens and Fry grabs Bender's hand.
Bender: Permission to come aboard, Wiggles?
Fry: Granted. We can't take off without our captain.
Leela: Ahem. [She's hanging off the side of the ice-floe]
Bender: Oh... and bring my toboggan.
% The ship flies away from Pluto. Inside.
Fry: So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins?
Leela: Well, sure. I mean... not really. I mean... nature will work ITSELF
out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix
things, right?
Fry: [Mumbles] I dunno.
Bender: Aw, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence those stupid
birds will do just fine.
% On Pluto. Two rifles are lying on the ground. Shadows approach them. It's
% two penguins. They look at each other, pick up the rifles and reload
% them.
% [End of Act Three. Act Time: Running Time:]
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> Contributors
==============================================================================
{} Me
{JK} Joe Klemm
{I} Ickyboy1
{LF} Larry F