[Naijanet] Another Teachable Moment For Naijanetters on Sorrow, Regrets and Apologies
Ekenlor Idi
What a waste. Was writing this drivel more rewarding, more
pleasurable, more satisfying and important than spending 30 minutes
with one of the six children he claims to have.
Na waoh.
--- mal...@scs.howard.edu wrote:
>
>
> Dear Naijanetters:
>
> Now that the 24 detained Americans are happily (and thankfully)
> back
> on American soil, it is appropriate to once again reflect on this
> apology/regrets debacle between the US and China.
>
> But first a quick observation. Like it or hate it, the media and
> political attention which these returnee Americans are getting now
> that they are back gives one glimpse of why patriotism runs deep in
>
> American blood: a nation EARNS patriotism from its citizens from
> how
> it TREATS its own citizens. It does not need to DEMAND it as by
> force, or to TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.
>
> I was discussing this issue with a Nigerian who is a citizen of
> another country. Long time ago, he had gone to Nigeria to visit,
> and
> had a car accident somewhere in Nigeria which made it difficult for
>
> him to get back to his adopted country at the time that he said he
> would. So he got a relation to call his office in his adopted
> country to warn his boss ahead of time, explaining his car
> accident.
> Within the day, without any prompting, his office had called the
> foreign desk, who relayed information to the country's embassy in
> Nigeria. An embassy official came looking for him where he was,
> saying that they had heard that he had an accident. He said that
> he
> burst into tears, as to the length that a country would go to
> protect
> its citizens, including a Nigerian-born naturalized citizen like
> himself - in his own home country!
>
> Like it or hate it, there is a lesson for us to learn in that
> account, as well as the attention that the American air crewmen is
> getting.
>
> What about the issue of apologies and regrets itself? I can swear
> that on this Net, after this incident, whether we admit it now or
> not, APOLOGIES will be much harder to get, and people will become
> EVEN STINGIER than myself now that they saw that two nations were
> almost ready to go to war - well, an exaggeration, but .... - over
> whether to apologize or to express regrets.
>
> My observation here is that there were two issues:
>
> (1) there are those Netters here - many self-declared immigrant
> avowed "leftists", some living in America - who see the US as a
> bully nation that needs to be humiliated now and again, to rub it
> in, a nation to be put it in its place. Any opportunity would be
> seized upon, such as this one, so if China demands an apology,
> rightly or wrongly, and the US can be made, cajoled, forced to give
>
> it, that would be great.
>
> (2) a cultural or language issue: the equivalence of our local
> languages of our translation of "sorry" to mean both "regret"
> and "apology." In Yoruba, for example, "ma binu, mo j'ebi"
> literally
> translates "Don't be angry with me, I am guilty" - or "I apologize;
> I
> am sorry", but you can say, "Ma binu" (Don't be angry) or "mo
> j'ebi"
> ("I am guilty") separately without apologizing! The
> expression "Pele" is both one of sorrow as well as empathy, so that
>
> if you stub your toe, you can hear the Yoruba say, "Pele o!", but
> he
> or she could also say in apology, "Pele o, ma binu, mo j'ebi."
>
> The Chinese, on the other hand, are more discriminatory in this
> regard. In a very revealing NY Times article:
>
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/naijanet/message/39356
> Chinese Claim a Moral Victory, Describing a Bigger Battle
> NY Times April 12, 2001
>
> we learn the following words for various levels of regret and
> sorrow:
>
> "chengzhi de yihan," - sincere regret
> "feichang wanxi," - very sorry" (sorrowful condolences)
> "feichang baoqian," (very) very sorry
> "shen biao qianyi." - deep regret + some culpability (a form
> of
> apology?)
> "daoqian " - apology"
>
> with the emphasis that the US emphatically refused to use the
> word "apology" that would have translated to "daoqian", while the
> Chinese never used the word "daoqian" in their official
> translation,
> but have tried to imply "apology" in several ways.
>
> What is the English language distinction? Let us refer to
> Webster's
> dictionary for the words "sorry" and "apology":
>
> --
>
> Main Entry: sor·ry
> Function: adjective
> Inflected Form(s): sor·ri·er; -est
> Etymology: Middle English sory, from Old English sArig, from sAr
> sore
> Date: before 12th century
> 1 : feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence
> 2 : MOURNFUL, SAD
> 3 : inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn, or ridicule
>
> --
>
> Main Entry: apol·o·gy
> Function: noun
> Inflected Form(s): plural -gies
> Etymology: Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French apologie,
> from
> Late Latin apologia, from Greek, from apo- + logos speech -- more
> at
> LEGEND
> Date: 1533
> 1 a : a formal justification : DEFENSE b : EXCUSE 2a
> 2 : an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an
> expression
> of regret
> 3 : a poor substitute : MAKESHIFT
> synonyms APOLOGY, APOLOGIA, EXCUSE, PLEA, PRETEXT, ALIBI mean
> matter
> offered in explanation or defense. APOLOGY usually applies to an
> expression of regret for a mistake or wrong with implied admission
> of
> guilt or fault and with or without reference to palliating
> circumstances <said by way of apology that he would have met them
> if
> he could>. APOLOGIA implies not admission of guilt or regret but a
> desire to make clear the grounds for some course, belief, or
> position
> <his speech was an apologia for his foreign policy>. EXCUSE implies
>
> an intent to avoid or remove blame or censure <used illness as an
> excuse for missing the meeting>. PLEA stresses argument or appeal
> for
> understanding or sympathy or mercy <her usual plea that she was
> nearsighted>. PRETEXT suggests subterfuge and the offering of false
>
> reasons or motives in excuse or explanation <used any pretext to
> get
> out of work>. ALIBI implies a desire to shift blame or evade
> punishment and imputes mere plausibility to the explanation <his
> alibi failed to stand scrutiny>.
>
> --
>
>
> Thus the American refusal to use the word "apology" is not simply a
>
> diplomatic obfuscation, but can be interpreted as a strict
> interpretation of the English language as they saw it!
>
> Finally, I believe that individuals should behave to each other the
>
> way that nations behave to each other the way - eg including taking
>
> the word "apology" seriously and using it appropriately after some
>
> offence has been committed - this world would be a better place. I
>
> expressed a form of this sentiment in my earlier write-up:
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/naijanet/message/39087
> A TEACHABLE MOMENT FOR NAIJANET ON APOLOGIES
>
> QUOTE
>
> "In international affairs, to apologize is A SERIOUS MATTER, and in
>
> inter-personal affairs, if you consider APOLOGY to be A SERIOUS
> MATTER - like myself - then you watch how you behave because you
> don't just want to always quickly apologize. I say that because of
> my
> history of being stingy with apologies on Naijanet, and incurring
> opprobriums as a result. I say so because once someone does
> anything,
> the tendency here is to heckle "apologize, apologize!" and when the
>
> guy quickly apologizes, you read people stating, "Oh such a man, oh
>
> such a man! He has apologized!" - never "Oh, such a woman!" :-) "
>
> UNQUOTE
>
> This met quite some opprobrium from some Netters. Yet another
> netter
> stated virtually the same thing, viz:
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/naijanet/message/39231
>
> "I think we get on a morally slippery slope when we make that
> largley false distinction between personal morality and
> correctness and that of a nation. There really should be no
> distinction. Countries can be imoral and wicked just as
> individuals can. I think nations would do well to try and live
> by
> many (certainly not all) of the ten commandments."
>
>
> Our Net can be quite interesting at times!
>
> Best wishes all!
>
>
> Bolaji Aluko
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
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