FanFic - DP/UF - Crossroads [24]
MegaZone
-----------------------------------------------------------TWENTY-FOUR
"One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces!"
--Pink Floyd
"Two minutes to broadcast. Status report?" Zoner called out
from the command chair.
"All ships report ready, comm links open and secured,
transmitters at standby," Chris reported.
Zoner's comm screen flashed to life, Ben's face appeared on
the screen. "Zoner, listen, I had this idea. Once we've gotten into
their communications net, and we control the horizontal and the
vertical, why don't we have Eve sing at them?"
Zoner glared at the comm screen, regretting not being able to
throw something at Ben over subspace.
"Hey, I'm serious. I don't think it would work, but it would
keep them distracted. Or we can use Vision, if you think they're into
something a little heavier."
Zoner continued to glare.
"Might even inspire the ones that are on our side. Besides I
get tired of my chief engineer yelling at me for pushing it too far."
The glare held.
"We could all sing row-row-row your boat. Or the Soviet
national anthem. Or Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had A Deal.
I'm serious, or at least I was when I started."
"We have less than a minute left Ben."
"We could get Finney drunk and have her sing We Will Win, she
can't sing either."
"Sir!" Finney's voice came through over the link.
"Ben, what are you trying to do?"
"You're forcing my hand, don't make me upload Minmei." Ben
brandished a datapack.
"You forget, I like Minmei," Zoner stated.
"But our friend, Bill Shakespeare the Buma, might not...
Actually, I'm bluffing, this is the Oxford Galactic Dictionary.
Anyway, it was just a thought. It was actually Vision's idea."
The comm screen spilt. "It was not my idea," Vision stated
from her half.
"Ok, I was just joking. Geez," Gryphon apologized.
"Ok, listen, it was funny. But in a few seconds we're turning
off their fleet. And we may, or may not, have to go into combat.
That's sort of a priority right now."
"Ya'know, I remember when you enjoyed your job. Concordia
out." The screen went dark.
"Grumble fuck mutter... Everyone ready?"
"Yessir," the bridge crew chorused.
"Ok, WRAT is on the air. Start the broadcast."
<<< Pat Benatar: Invincible >>>
Eve sent the override codes through the comm links and every
ship in the WDF bombarded the GENOM fleet with their transmitters.
Within seconds every major craft had powered down all systems except
life support and communications. "It's your show now Zoner."
"Thanks Eve, main screen on, patch me through."
"Like, you're on," q reported.
"Yo, many of you may already know who I am, but for those who
don't, I'm MegaZone, commander of all the Wedge Defense Forces. I
figure that you knew my name, but I really haven't met many of you in
person, well, not many who are still alive. Anyway, to cut to the
chase, I'm the asshole who shut you off." Zoner noticed a text
message appearing on the small comm screen on his chair:
That oughtta do it.
Thanks very much, Ray.
--G.
Zoner stifled a laugh before continuing, "I know I don't have
the best rep with most of you, and I hate this diplomatic shit, so
I'll just say this. I really don't want to have to kill a lot of you,
and I'd rather not see a lot of my friends die in the process, so how
about we make peace. I know there are those amongst you who feel as I
do, and I will support any of you who wish to come over to our side.
I hold no grudge against you, you were simply soldiers following
orders, there is no need to continue your leaders' madness."
Well, we had a few beers, next thing you know, there we are in
Czechoslovakia.
--G.
Zoner let a small chuckle slip. "Ahem... As I was saying, we
know about Iczer-2's return, and we'd like to take this opportunity to
invite those who are weary of this fight to lay down your arms. We're
fairly diverse already, I don't see any reason not to let buma into
the club. Of course there will be some problems, after all, we've
been trying to anihlate each other for several centuries. But we made
peace with Kilrathi, and we can do it again. Oh, and Iczer-2, bite
me."
Iczer-2 came roaring out of the Avenger on a shaft of blue
light. She did not look happy.
--Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon...what have you got left?
--Sorry, Venkman; I'm terrified beyond the capacity for
rational thought.
--G.
"That seems to have done it. Like I said, we've got nothing
against you. Operators are standing by." Zoner motioned to q and the
link was severed. "Ok folks, we've got one extremely pissed super
being out there, and the fleet could come back online at any time.
Let's be ready for them."
Iczer-2 was seething with rage. She would not allow herself
to be humiliated by such insignificant beings. She would kill them
all, starting with the bastard who insulted her, MegaZone. She would
rip out his heart and eat it while still warm, she would skin him
alive, she would.....
Wham!
A bolt of yellow light intercepted Iczer-2 as she raced toward
the Wandering Child. Halting both her progress and her thoughts.
"You!"
"Yes, sister, it is I, your elder. I order you to cease this
foolishness or perish."
"Ha! You are nothing compared to me! You're the defective,
remember? Whereas I am the improved model, and I have not been idle
all these years." Iczer-2 fired a blue bolt at Iczer-1.
Iczer-1 parried the bolt calmly. "Nor have I...sister."
It was the battle of the century, and unlike the previous bit
of it, which everyone had been a bit too involved in to see, everyone
and his brother-in-law's duck had a front-row seat for it. In the
no-man's-land between the fleets, the two products of GENOM's
I.C.Z.E.R. project dueled, yellow and blue light flaring, clashing,
retreating, like an ion storm raging in deep space. Seconds became
minutes and marched steadily on into a half-hour, and the pace wasn't
slowing down.
The problem being that, while the battle wasn't slowing down,
Iczer-1 was. She'd already done the titanic space battle thing once
today, and well, even with Huge Cosmic Power!!!, that tends to wear
one down.
"Zoner," q called about ten minutes into the battle. "Like I
got some Buma on line one. He says he knows you?"
"What color is he?"
"Like blue. Like I haven't seen one of those for a while eh?"
"Yeah, that'd be for me. Put him through." A corner of the
main viewer divided itself off and became 1138-04462's face, in such
good resolution that Zoner could see the little "GENOM" stamped in his
forehead. "Thumbs up or thumbs down?"
"The fleet is secure," the Buma replied. "We're ready to
support your champion, if you like."
"I really don't think there's much any of us can do...we
should wait and see how Iczer-1 fares, for a while yet. If she fails
we'll have to his Iczer-2 with everything we've got."
"Right. I'll pass it on. Oh, and Admiral?"
"Yes?"
The Buma considered. "It's good to be right, for once."
"Yes...I'm sure it is. Say--what's your name, anyway?"
"My designation is Bu-55c-1138-04462. I am generally known by
humanoids as Kwei-Chang Caine, although I've not worn his face for
some decades now."
?
--G.
"Well, Caine...welcome aboard. Nice to have you. What about
the dissenters?"
Caine attempted a smile. "What dissenters? You mean,
perhaps, this idiot?" He lifted DKR-2 into the camera's field of
view. The replicant attempted a small, supplicating grin. It didn't
work. "I believe I will deal with him as our maker dealt with his
predecessor, when the time comes."
"Fine with me," Zoner replied. "Wait a second--what's this
'our'?"
"We Buma are the children of Largo, who is a creation of the
HoloDECstation. Does that not make us all, indirectly, the children
of Fahrvergnugen?"
"I never thought of it that way before...Caine, meet Abel.
Abel, Caine."
Great. Another mouth to feed.
--G.
Meanwhile, after around forty-five minutes, Super Bowl
MCMLXVIII.14159 is still raging outside. The view from the blimp was,
shall we say, inspiring. Gryphon found himself wondering if anyone
was bothering to tape it. This was the kind of thing he'd pop into
the VCR, zap some popcorn, and curl up on the couch to watch on a
cold, rainy day. This, and bad kung fu movies with Chuck Norris in
them. Nothing like Delta Force 3 to remind you that it could be
worse.
<<< Metallica: Sad but True >>>
Although not many people in either fleet could tell at the
range, the battle wasn't going terribly well for Iczer-1. She had hit
the wall a few minutes before and was reduced to ducking and blocking;
her offensive had dwindled almost to nothing. It was a lousy time to
be Iczer-1. Especially with Iczer-2 so damnably aware of her
advantage, and pressing it. The bolts of energy were flying thicker,
and soon she wasn't going to be able to dodge all of them.
One came particularly close, a second or so later; Iczer-1
could feel its heat on her face as it zipped past, knocking off some
hair. She shook her head and tried to slap her concentration
together. If only she wasn't so tired. The battle had been bad
enough, but the size of the spacewarp she had to create to get to the
battle in time had knocked a serious wedge out of her power reserves
right at the outset. And Iczer-2 was right, much as she hated to
admit it. The later model had a definite performance edge.
The bolt of blue energy with her name on it flew free,
vectored toward her, and sizzled into nothing against the warm pink
skin of what appeared to be an ordinary, if rather large, human hand.
Vaughn Gross looked at his unharmed palm with detached
interest. "Still works," he commented offhand. "Morning. Hope I'm
interrupting."
"Get out of my way," Iczer-2 commanded as Vaughn placed his
considerable surface area between the two of them. Her voice of
command failed to impress him. "Get out of my way!" she raged,
unleashing her considerable ire in his general direction.
Mildly singed by the effect of a powerbolt sufficient for
crippling a large space battleship, Vaughn frowned slightly. "That
wasn't very nice. It's not the end of the world, you know.
Personally, I think you might be overreacting to this whole thing."
"DIE!" Nearly blind with rage, Iczer-2 began firing rapidly,
saturating as large an area of space as possible in his general
direction. He kept intercepting those which seemed about to get past
him and to Iczer-1--how could anything with his size move so damned
fast? She threw back her head and shrieked with a frustration and
anger so primal they terrified anyone who could hear them (except
Vaughn, of course). Nearly an hour of battle, gaining advantage after
advantage, so close to her ultimate goal, to be frustrated by
this...this...person?! It was unthinkable! More than that--it was
unendurable. One of them, Iczer-2 knew, would have to die. Right
now. And damn it all, it was not going to be her!
She gathered all the energy and rage she could, concentrating,
feeling it build up almost materially in her hands, and then let it
all go.
The flash was visible as far away as Salusia. Astronomers in
most of the Enigma Sector thought it was a supernova. Several of the
weaker view screens aboard ships of both sides burned out. Gryphon
cursed and threw his arm in front of his eyes.
"Augh!" Vaughn cried, squeezing his eyes shut. "Photons! Far
to friggin' loud!" His voice dropped into the "tiny furry creature"
area. "Bright light! Bright light! Owie!"
Otherwise, he was entirely unperturbed.
The energy bolt continued on in a straight line until it
encountered an object, specifically the sixth planet in the Ceti Alpha
system some 445.34 parsecs distant, which it utterly annihilated
forty-seven seconds later.
Iczer-2 floated, thinking along the same lines as your average
rock. Curious, Vaughn strolled over to her and, not knowing quite
what else to do, took her pulse.
"Fine," Iczer-2 murmured. "You win. All right? Make
everything stop spinning."
"I don't think I made it start," Vaughn replied. "Might be
interesting to try, though."
Astronomers all over known space were puzzled when, for a
catalogueable period of seven seconds, the Great Wheel of Mutter's
Spiral Galaxy stopped.
"Wow. I think that might have been hard. I hunger."
Iczer-1 made her way over. Seeing her, Iczer-2 smiled
briefly.
"I always knew you'd find a way to beat me, sister," Iczer-2
said.
"I didn't. Reality did."
"Yes...but it took you to get him to do it." She laughed.
"You know something? I'm so tired...I see that old fool of a Buma's
point. I can't imagine why, but damned if I don't." She paused,
gathering her energy, before continuing groggily, "So...how 'bout them
Raiders?"
"What are they doing out there, having a koffee klatsch?"
Gryphon muttered, rubbing his eyes and squinting at the viewer. "They
look like they're laughing."
"What are they doing out there, resting up for Round Two?"
Zoner wondered to no one in particular. As he watched, Vaughn helped
both Iczers to a standing(?) position. They took a couple of steps
and came out of the corridor behind him.
"Somehow, this doesn't come as a shock," Zoner observed,
turning his conn. Iczer-2 waved Vaughn away and weaved up to stand in
front of him.
"Admiral MegaZone...whose other names, should they exist, are
lost to history--like who the fuck was Doctor Pepper anyway?--on
behalf of the entire GENOM Combined Fleet, I hereby offer my
unconditional surrender. I hope this ushers in a new era of peace 'n
harmony, and clean socks for everyone, or something like that. Could
someone direct me...to...someplace warm and soft...and kinda
quiet-like?" Having managed to get those words at least 3/4 out, she
fell to the floor.
Zoner looked down and observed wryly, "Well, isn't this a
nifty little turn of events. Arg... Take her to the Officer's
Quarters, make sure she's comfortable. Eve, monitor her, will you?"
"Of course."
"We still have a few small ships to clean up, let's start a
cleaning sweep. Send out the fighters to take out the stragglers and
search for survivors. Everyone play safe, it'd suck to be the last
casualty of the war."
"All right," Gryphon announced from the main viewer. "The big
question now is...who gets to clean up the mess? The local space
makes Earth's LEO look bloody clean." His eyes swung down, indicating
that he was looking at Iczer-2. "Hmm. I think she's got the right
idea." He got up from his conn. "If anyone comes into my cabin for
the next twelve hours, you risk instantaneous death." He vanished.
<<< Queen: We Are the Champions >>>
"I think we all deserve a rest. Have all the damaged craft
return to the sphere, begin transport of the wounded, and have all
fleet ships regroup on the Child. Oh, and have all the ships stand
down and go to secondary crews, I think everyone could use some rest.
Let me know when the fighters finish their sweep, and see if you can
set up a meeting with Kwei-Chang Caine sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Yuri, let's go to bed." Zoner wearily staggered from the conn out the
door of the bridge with Yuri on his arm.