FanFic - DP/UF - Crossroads [8]

[MegaZone]

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"There's no time for fussing and fighting my friend/But baby
I'm amazed at the hate that you can send and you/Painted my entire
world/And I/Don't have the turpentine to clean what you have
soiled/And I won't forget it"
--Bad Religion

The cabin door opened; without any preamble at all, Gryphon
stepped into the room and said, "What the hell's the matter with you?"
"I don't understand what you mean," MegaZone replied from his
bed, "and I don't recall inviting you in."
"I don't recall asking."
"You do know I outrank you."
"Stuff that shit. Zoner, why did you come back?"
"Thought I could use a change of scenery. Musashi is
beautiful this time of year."
"Oh, cut the bullshit. You don't know, do you? I should've
expected as much. To me, this whole experience is a closure, putting
an end to everything that started with GENOM's frameup. To you, it's
nothing. You still don't trust me. You still don't trust them. The
judgment of Lord F's military tribunal wasn't enough for you."
Gryphon shook his head. "I don't know what else I can do for you..."
"Fuck it!" Zoner shouted, jumping off the bed. "It's not you
I don't trust. It's myself!"
"I beg your pardon?" Gryphon asked, a bit bemused.
"I didn't believe in you. I believed the evidence of my
senses, however full of holes that evidence was, and it ended up
nearly costing you your life. More than that; it did cost a lot of
people their lives. The entire Force was destroyed. Everybody
scattered...so many people dead. And now you people want me to lead
you again? I can't do it. I couldn't live with myself if I accepted.
Listen, if I can't trust myself I can't trust anyone else. I have no
baseline. There's no way that I can be expected to lead anyone,
anywhere! Like I said so many years ago, without trust there can be
no love, without love there can be no life. The only reason I haven't
paid a visit to the local blast furnace is the work I've been doing.
Fuck, listen to me, 'my work'. I kill people! I lost count for
goddess sake! All I do is design new toys for any cyberpsycho with
enough credits and go hunting every once in a while. I test most of
the things I design on myself, just for laughs ya'know? There really
isn't much of me left. I've replaced too much. I guess somewhere
along the way I replaced my heart and soul too. Anyway, I'm not doing
it."
"We're not asking," Gryphon stated, nonplussed.
"I'm not doing it."
"Fine. It's obvious this experience isn't truly behind all of
us yet." Gryphon turned around and stepped outside the door frame,
still inside the range of the sensor that held it open. He turned
back for a moment.
"Call me when you've figured it out."
He left.
"Oh, fuck it. Why did I even bother to come back? Everyone
would have been better off if I had just stayed in the shadows and
played dead. They don't need me. No one needs me, Yuri least of all.
Why? WHY THE FUCK DID I COME BACK?!" Zoner screamed. But the only
answer was a dying echo.