"A Big Piece of Garbage (1ACV08)" Episode Capsule Part Three
Jordan Eisenberg
% wits' end. Bender panicks and tosses the bomb in the air, and it
% lands in Fry's arms. Fry tosses it back to Bender, who tosses it to
% Leela. Leela fails to catch it, so the bomb clanks against her helmet
% and she warns that they're going to poke somebody's eye out. The
% clock continues to tick away, but Bender gets an idea. He picks up
% the bomb, winds up his arm up, and throws it up into the infinite
% blackness. As luck would have it, a stray comet bounces the bomb
% right back into Bender's arms, but he once again tosses it into the
% sky, where it explodes for good, leaving our heroes unscathed.
% They all take a deep breath, and although Fry is relieved, Leela
% points out that this is not such a happy ending: "This garbage ball's
% unstoppable now. New New York is done for." They take a hesitant
% look at the Earth's western hemisphere looming in space above them,
% and Bender takes the time to scratch himself. A crowd of protesters
% boos their ship as it returns to land, and Morbo and his "Human
% Female" co-anchor wrap up a news report about an injured kitty-cat.
Female: All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon
forget.
[they both laugh cheerfully]
Morbo: Kittens give Morbo gas. [to the camera] In lighter news, the
city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human
Professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny, inferior brain.
% An photo of Professor Farnsworth appears in the corner. Our disgraced
% crew members are watching this news report from the mayors' office,
% and the professor wonders how he could have been so neglectful, having
% followed the instruction manual precisely. (He even holds the manual
% up to show us, and we see he's been reading it upside-down.)
Farnsworth: I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault.
Fry: No, it's my fault too. I'm sure I threw out more than my
share of that trash up there. Also, one month my toilet
broke and I just went straight in the garbage can.
[the mayor flinches with disgust]
Fry: Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were
idiotic slobs. Especially me.
Mayor: Enough! You all failed miserably ... it's time to put a
real scientist in charge.
[he presses a button; Dr. Wernstrom enters]
Farnsworth: [angrily] Wernstrom!
Wernstrom: [pompously] The very same.
Mayor: Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city?
Wernstrom: Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure.
Mayor: Done.
Wernstrom: And a big research grant.
Mayor: You got it.
Wernstrom: Also, access to a lab and five graduate students, at least
_three_ of them Chinese.
Mayor: [hesitates] Alright, done! What's your plan?
Wernstrom: What plan? _I'm_ set for life. Au revoir, suckers!
[Wernstrom exits]
Leela: That rat! Do something!
Mayor: I wish I could ... but he's got tenure.
% Pedestrians on the streets of New York are starting to feel the stench
% of garbage filling the air, and point at the looming ball in the sky.
% Small bits and pieces of garbage such as half-eaten cheeseburgers and
% pizza fall from the heavens, destroying buildings in their wake. As
% Dr. Zoidberg flees with the others on the sidewalk, a fish skeleton
% lands in front of him and he gobbles it up. A pepperoni pizza
% splatters against the mayor's window.
Mayor: It's time to take action. [to his intercom] Stephanie, cancel
the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. [turns intercom
off] Well, I'm fresh out of ideas. Anyone?
Prof.: [profoundly] Wait ... if we could build an object the exact
size, density and consistancy of the garbage ball, it might
just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.
[the holographic projector reenacts his idea]
Leela: But where can we find a substance the exact density and
consistancy as garbage?
Prof.: Alas, I dont know.
Fry: Uh ... what about _garbage_?
Prof.: Good lord! A second ball of garbage ... that just might work.
Mayor: But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets
of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years.
Fry: Well, then it's time to make some more!
Mayor: [confused] Make garbage?
Fry: [cooly] Stand back and watch the master.
% Fry rolls up his sleeves and approaches the mayor's desk. He
% demonstrates how he can turn an empty Slurm can, a stack of papers and
% a framed picture of Mayor Poopenmeyer's wife into garbage by simply
% dropping them onto the floor. He offers the mayor to give it a try,
% and the mayor somehow finds it in himself (with some encouragement) to
% drop a pencil onto the ground and turn it into garbage. He gets the
% hang of it, and overturns his desk chair as well.
% Fry encourages his friends to follow the example, by telling Leela to
% throw her food away before finishing it (he calls the snack she's
% eating a "crawler") and telling Bender to drain a beer bottle empty
% and smash it against the ground. Poopenmeyer orders his cronies to
% "get that robot some more beer," to Bender's delight. The crew try to
% take their message to the people by broadcasting a public service
% announcement to the whole city. As Bender stands beside Fry's podium
% guzzling down beer after beer, Fry speaks to the audience.
Fry: People of New New York, take a lesson from the 20th century!
Stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on
the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to.
Your city is counting on you.
% People all over the city see Fry's speech on their televisions and
% begin creating garbage in their very own homes. The newspapers print
% headlines like "City Urged to Litter," but before the papers can even
% make it off the printing press, they're shoved out the window before a
% waiting bulldozer. Finally, a large enough ball has been created, and
% it's strapped to a rocket ready for lift-off. The mayor and his
% associates, including our crew, are watching from a safe distance.
% The Smelloscope is also there with them.
Farnsworth: If my calculations are correct, this garbage ball will
knock the other garbage ball directly into the sun.
Wernstrom: And, if _my_ calculations are correct, we're all going to
die horribly!
[Wernstrom laughs obnxiously in Farnsworth's face]
Mayor: Alright, places, everyone. Prepare for launch!
[the countdown begins]
Farnsworth: 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ...
Leela: [whispering to Fry] Just fire the damned thing.
% Fry reaches for a big, red button, misses it with his finger, reaches
% again, and activates it. The camera pans between the suspenseful
% faces of the crew, and we hear each person's heartbeat: Fry's (which
% sounds like a normal heartbeat), Professor Farnsworth's (which is
% very, very slow) and Bender's (which sounds like a snare drum). The
% rocket lifts off, comes in contact with the original garbage ball, and
% bounces it in the opposite direction. The new ball bounces off to the
% side, into oblivion, while the old garbage ball ricochets around
% another planet's gravitational field like a slingshot and flies
% towards the sun, where it evaporates in a cloud of smoke. Professor
% Farnsworth takes a sniff with the Smelloscope and announces that it
% smells like "burning garbage." Everyone cheers, and later on, a
% ceremony is being held outside Citihall in Fry's honor. The mayor is
% at his podium on the front steps overlooking a crowd of people,
% including Dr. Wernstrom. On the podium sits the Academy of Inventors'
% trophy that was given away earlier.
Mayor: And, so, on behalf of the entire city, I think you,
Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy
prize, which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it
became apparent that he was a jackass.
[Farnsworth is handed the trophy]
Farnsworth: [triumphantly] Yes! In your face, Wernstrom.
Wernstrom: I'll get you, Farnsworth, even if it takes _another_
hundred years.
Mayor: And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it
not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills, we'd all
be buried under 20th-century garbage.
[the crowd cheers]
Leela: Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if the
second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one
did?
Fry: Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.
Farnsworth: Exactly. It's none of our concern.
Fry: _That's_ the 20th-century spirit!
% The crowd cheers one more time, and some heroic music ends the show.
% End of Act Four (6:14)
% During the first half of the ending credits, we watch as the new ball
% of garbage orbits slowly around the Earth. A portion of the song
% "We'll Meet Again" plays.
========================================================================
= Contributers =
{aa} Andy Andy {jk} Joe Klemm
{ab} Alexis Bywater {jr} Johnny Rhyne
{ac} Amanda Cohen {js} Jay Seals
{ag} Andrew Gill {mc} Michael Choi
{bk} Brendan Keane {mf} Mad Fifes
{bm} Becky Mroczkowski {rd} Ricky Dhatt
{dd} Daniel L. Dreibelbis {sam} Steven Aaron Monroe
{ds} Dave Sweatt {sh} Scott Henrichs
{hl} Haynes Lee {vy} Vince Yim
{jet} John E. Thelin {zz} Zachary Zulkowski
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Lawyers give Morbo gas. Nevertheless, ===== First uploaded: 20-Jun-1999
Futurama and its characters belong to ===== Revision A : ??-???-????
Fox. This capsule was compiled by ===== E-mail me: <jed...@aol.com>
Jordan "Human Male" Eisenberg =================================