"A Big Piece of Garbage (1ACV08)" Episode Capsule Part Two
Jordan Eisenberg
Haynes Lee: Philo T. Farnsworth, one of the 20th century pioneers of
television, is also credited with other inventions such as the
electron microscope.
Rather than "reverse-scuba suit," Dr. Wernstrom should have named his
invention the "Scaba Suit," or Self-Contained Abovewater Breathing
Apparatus.
Andrew Gill: The internet isn't just for pornography. It's also for
spreading jokes about wearing sunscreen. (I've always wanted to say
that!)
Hannah M.: In the Morbo sequence, something _horrible_ must have
happened to poor Mittens. I mean, look at that cat ... it's got
bandages in the most _intriguing_ places. Speculations, anyone?
Dave Sweatt: We already have Tress MacNeille as a Simpsons/Futurama
voice actor cross-over. Tonight's clip of the Bart doll saying "Eat
my Shorts" brings in Nancy Cartwright, and next week will feature Dan
Castellaneta as the Robot devil.
I was hoping that Prof. Frink would have been mentioned for some
groundbreaking invention he created before he died.
========================================================================
= Fun Stuff =
>> Alien Language #1 sightings
TV Guide ad (not in actual episode): "FOOLISH EARTHLINGS WILL NEVER
DECODE THIS."
>> Alien Language #2 sightings
None.
>> References to Previous Episodes
- [1ACV01] Route-2 News uses the same photo of Professor Farnsworth
as the Fate Assignment Office
- [1ACV01] Mr. Spock / Leonard Nimoy appears, to Fry's amazement
- [1ACV01] "Bad President," cf. "bad fish" {ds}
- [1ACV01] The death clock works similar to Farnsworth's DNA detector
- [1ACV04] Soft human brain, cf. tiny inferior brain {ds}
- [1ACV05] Celestial object splats like a bug (hologram of
trashteroid, cf. planet on the windshield) {ds}
>> Fan-made Alternate Titles for this Episode
"Garbage in, Garbage Out" {zz}
"How I Learned to Stop Recycling and Love the 20th Century"
"The Garbage Menace" {hl}
"I Can Smell Clearly Now" {ds}
"Trash of the Titan" {ds}
========================================================================
= Voice Credits =
>> Starring
Billy West ........................ Professor Farnsworth, Fry, "GC2K"
narrator, Man Scientist, Morbo,
Dr. Zoidberg
Katey Sagal ................................................... Leela
Joe DiMaggio ......................... Bender, waiter, Military Chief
>> Special Appearances
Ron Popeil .................................... his own head in a jar
>> Guest Starring
Phil LaMarre ................................................. Hermes
Dave Herman ...................... Ogden Wernstrom, Mayor Poopenmeyer
Tress MacNeille .......................... Lady Scientist, Stephanie,
"Human Female"
At <www.foxworld.com>, John DiMaggio is credited as Arcturus Fats,
Dave Herman is credited as Dr. Hanson, and Tress MacNeille is
credited as Linda. No characters with these names (that were given
to us, anyway) were in the episode. Lauren Tom also shows up in the
credits, even though Amy doesn't speak.
= Quotes and Scene Summaries =
% It's morning at Planet Express, and another meeting at the ol' round
% table commences, with all members of the crew present.
Prof.: Good news, everyone! Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to
Ebola 9, "The Virus Planet."
Hermes: Why can't they go _today_?
Prof.: Because, tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be
alive. It's the Academy of Inventors' annual symposium.
Fry: Wow, I love symposia!
Prof.: It's the event of the scientific season. Every member
presents an invention, and the best one wins the academy
prize.
Bender: Sounds boring.
Prof.: Oh my, yes ... but not this year, because my latest invention
is unbeatable. Behold the death clock!
% Farnsworth carries a large, black box out from under the table. There
% is a long, thin LCD screen on the front and a hollow, red cylinder on
% the top.
Prof.: Simply jam your finger in the hole, and this readout tells you
exactly how long you have left to live.
Leela: Does it really work?
Prof.: Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds, what with "free
will" and all.
Fry: Sounds like fun! How long do I have to live?
% Fry decides to try it out and jams his finger in, per the
% instructions. The box dings, and the others gather around to read the
% results. Farnsworth whistles with awe.
Bender: Ooh, dibs on his CD-player!
% End of Act One (0:56)
% That evening, everyone is gathered at the Academy of Inventors'
% building. It's a formal affair in a nicely-decorated lounge room, and
% many of the attendees are standing together chatting and sipping their
% wine glasses. Amy, Leela, Fry and Professor Farnsworth stand together
% against a wall of portraits, when Fry points to one in particular.
Fry: Who's the gross nerd?
Farnsworth: That's me at the very first symposium! I'm the academy's
oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look
up to me.
[another old man, named Dr. Wernstrom, approaches]
Wernstrom: Well, well, well ... look who decided to show his wrinkled
face.
Farnsworth: [irritated] Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom?
Wernstrom: Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill! It's time to
leave science to the 120-year-olds.
Farnsworth: You young Turks think you know everything! I was
inventing things when you were barely turning senile.
Wernstrom: [laughs] Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap before
the ceremonies.
[Wernstrom hobbles away]
Fry: Who's that jerk?
Farnsworth: 100 years ago, he was my most promising student at Mars
University. But then, after one fateful pop quiz ...
% The professor flashes back to his old days of teaching. While the
% other students sit at their seats, a young man is standing in front of
% Farnsworth's desk, angry at receiving an A- on his quiz. Farnsworth
% explains to him that penmanship counts, but the boy vows revenge: "I
% swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me 100 years!" Back in the
% present, Farnsworth rationalizes that after 99 years of no revenge,
% he's essentially in the clear.
% Later on, the symposium moves its attendees to a dining hall with a
% stage adjacent to it. Hermes, Amy and Dr. Zoidberg are at one table,
% and the other crew members are at another. Bender (wearing a top hat)
% is conversing with the waiter about their wine list.
Bender: I've been perusing your fortified wine list, and I've selected
the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Parte and the '66
Thunder Shewitz.
Waiter: Exquisite choices, sir.
Bender: [politely] And mix them all together in a big jug.
% On-stage, a man's head is floating in a jar, sitting on a stool,
% facing the microphone. He introduces himself as Ron Popeil, "inventor
% of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology
% to keep human heads alive in jars." The audience musters a few claps
% for him, and he introduces the first in their lineup of inventors,
% that up-and-coming young star, Dr. Wernstrom. Wernstrom takes the
% stage and presents to the audience the "reverse-scuba suit."
% In his demonstration, he presents a twig to the audience, and then to
% the lonely inhabitant of a fish tank. He throws the stick across the
% stage, and orders the fish to "fetch," so the fish swims down to the
% empty RS Suit lying on the floor of the tank, squirms inside, and hops
% out of the water with built-in mechanical legs. He retrieves the
% stick for Dr. Wernstrom, and Wernstrom then orders the fish to sit
% (which it does, after some discipline). As Wernstrom and his fish
% leave the stage, the audience applauds, and Professor Farnsworth
% groans.
Fry: Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your
death clock.
[Wernstrom approaches]
Wernstrom: And what will you be presenting this evening, Grampa?
Farnsworth: Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your
place!
Wernstrom: I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you
presented last year.
Farnsworth: [startled] Uh, last year, you say?
Wernstrom: That's right.
Farnsworth: Oh, my. [desperately] Did it put you young
whippersnappers in your place?
Wernstrom: Hardly ... we laughed until our teeth fell out! [to his
fish] Come along, Cinnamon.
[he and his fish leave]
Farnsworth: Oh, dear ... I'll have to invent something new in the next
ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of "death clock" ...
Leela: [concerned] Um, Professor ...
% Ten minutes later, the stage is occupied by a man with a propeller-
% beanie on his head, who spins his propeller and flies away to make
% room for the next presentation. Ron Popeil takes the mike again: "Our
% last presentation comes from our oldest member, Professor Hubert
% Farnsworth." As the spotlight shines on the professor's chair, he is
% still hunched over a drawing of his, and quickly wraps it up.
% (Wernstrom reminds his old colleague "pencils down, pruneface!" from
% his seat.) Farnsworth hurries onto the stage, holding a wrinkled
% cocktail napkin with scribbles on it, and stammers while trying to
% address the crowd.
Prof.: Oh, yes ... here I am ... okay, now ... hello there ...
[composes himself] Now, we all know telescopes allow us to
_see_ different objects. But, what if we want to _smell_
distant objects? Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention,
the Smelloscope!
% He places his scribbled napkin onto an overhead projector for all to
% see, and diagrams the parts of the machine, explaining how the odor
% travels past a coffee stain, around an olive pit and into a cigar
% burn. He also calls attention to the human operator of the machine
% who, in his own words, "appears to be a doodle of myself as a cowboy."
% The audience laughs and mocks him, despite his claim that the
% Smelloscope is brilliant. He becomes overrun with sweat and wipes his
% brow with his napkin, but when he places it back on the projector, he
% finds that it's been smeared beyond recognition. Wernstrom raises
% from his seat.
Wernstrom: I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth! I give
your invention the worst grade imaginable ... an A-minus-
minus!
% Farnsworth is laughed off of the stage, and Ron Popeil presents the
% night's Academy prize to Dr. Wernstrom, "for his fish-thingy."
% Wernstrom receives a trophy for his efforts, and is given a round of
% applause. The professor leaves the back door of the room with a tear
% in his eye, and later on is sulking at the table of Planet Express
% surrounded by his employees.
Prof.: [sighs] Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.
Bender: [giddy] Yep!
Fry: No, Professor, don't give up! There were plenty of times in
my century when I was gonna give up, but I never did. Never.
Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.
Prof.: By God, you're right! I'm going to _build_ that Smelloscope!
% He runs out of the room determined, smeared napkin in hand. The next
% morning, he yells "Eureeka!" from up in the observation tower, and the
% crew rush upstairs to see. He explains that, instead of building the
% Smelloscope, he remembered that he built one last year. Pan over to
% an open window next to them, occupied by a huge, telescope-like device
% with a y-shaped hook at the closest end to fit into one's nostrils.
Prof.: Go ahead ... try it! You'll find that every heavenly body has
its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at Jupiter ...
[he does so, and Fry assumes the nostril-hooks]
Fry: [sniffs] Smells like strawberries!
Prof.: Exactly! And now, Saturn.
Fry: [sniffs] Pine-needles! Oh, man, this is great! Hey, as long
as you don't make me smell Uranus. [laughs]
Leela: I don't get it.
Prof.: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end
that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry: Oh. What's it called now?
Prof.: "Urectum."
% The professor offers to locate Urectum with the Smelloscope, but Fry
% stops him, and decides to smell around elsewhere in the sky. He
% points the machine at various locations, sniffs them, and murmurs
% thoughtfully each time. Finally, he reaches a spot in the sky whose
% smell instantly makes him want to retch. Professor Farnsworth takes
% Fry's place to smell for himself, and gives a similar reaction.
Prof.: Geez, oh man! Remarkable ... a stench so foul it's right off
the funkometer. I dare say Fry may have discovered the
smelliest object in the known universe.
Bender: [excited] Ooh, ooh, name it after me!
% Leela changes the Smelloscope's trajectory slightly, and observes the
% resulting smell. She deducts that the object creating this smell is
% moving. The professor calculates the object's trajectory with his
% computer, and is shocked to learn that whatever it is, it's headed
% straight for them, with enough force to reduce the entire city to a
% stinky crater. He also learns that they have less than 72 hours.
[a moment of silence passes]
Bender: Well ... let's get lootin'!
% Bender picks up a television set from the professor's desk and carries
% it to the elevator, whistling, until he's out of sight.
% End of Act Two (7:08)
% Planet Express' staff are gathered at the table with a sense of panic
% in the air. The lights are dimmed and a large holographic display of
% the Earth rotates and glows in midair. A second holographic sphere,
% about the size of a baseball, flies towards the mini-Earth and splats
% onto the tri-state area in a gooey mess. Professor Farnsworth is
% hunched over at his computer.
Fry: So this thing's gonna destroy the whole city? What the heck
_is_ it?
Prof.: [engrossed in his comp.] Ah, just as I thought! The answer
lies on this movie I found on the internet.
% Farnsworth presses a button and the TV screen on the wall lights up,
% introducing the movie "Garbage Crisis 2000," complete with
% sensationalist disaster music. A narration begins, highlighting
% footage after footage of overflowing garbage cans, littering
% pedestrians and piles of bloated garbage bags on the street corners.
Narrator: New York City. The year 2000. The most wasteful society in
the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places
to bury its neverending output of garbage. The landfills
were full. New Jersey was full. And, so, under cover of
darkness, the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's
largest barge.
% On-screen, a uniformed man sneaks through New York harbor at night and
% removes a rope between the dock and a large garbage-filled barge
% (labelled "FUN IN THE SUN"). The barge floats out to sea, and we
% rejoin it later, still sailing aimlessly at sea, being circled by
% seagulls.
Narrator: The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years, but no
country would accept it. Not even that really _filthy_ one.
You know the one I mean ... Finally, in 2052, the city used
its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the
garbage into outer space. Some experts claimed the ball
might return to Earth someday, but the concerns were
dismissed as "depressing."
[cut to the crew watching the movie]
Fry: [to Prof.] Wow, you got _that_ off the internet? In my
day, the internet was only used to download pornography.
Prof.: Actually, that's still true.
% Back in the movie, one of the scientists who has just helped to launch
% the rocket turns to her partner and asks if he might help her with her
% sexual inhibitions. He agrees to do it "with gusto," and more
% sensationalist music plays out the remainder of the movie ... as well
% as a view of the two scientists undressing themselves. Farnsworth
% doesn't let us see the rest, because he turns the movie off and the
% lights on. Fry is disappointed by this.
Prof.: So that's the situation. Due to the short-sightedness of old
New York, New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant
ball of garbage.
Leela: [lecturing] Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back
then? How could you just throw your garbage away?
Fry: Hey, gimme a break. What do you do with it?
Leela: We recycle everything. [gestures towards Bender] Robots are
made from old beer cans.
Bender: Yeah. [gestures to a beer can] And this beer can is made
outta old robots!
Leela: And that sandwich you're eating is made from old, discarded
sandwiches.
Fry: [rejects his food] The future is disgusting.
Leela: [condescending] Typical 20th-century attitude.
Fry: Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave
the world the lightbulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin.
Leela: Those things are all from the 19th century.
Fry: [thinks] Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.
Prof.: Please, there's no time for this now! This is an emergency.
We must warn the mayor!
% We cut directly to "Citihall," where Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Leela
% and Bender are standing before the mayor's desk. The Smelloscope has
% been relocated to the mayor's window.
Mayor: Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious.
Farnsworth: _Very_ serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer.
Mayor: I gotta be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like
global warming or secondhand smoke. [to his intercom]
Send in my science advisor.
[Dr. Wernstrom is sent in]
Farnsworth: [vindictive] Wernstrom!
Wernstrom: Well, well, well ... come to present your latest napkin,
professor?
Farnsworth: No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight
for us! Smell for yourself.
% Farnsworth wipes the Smelloscope nostril-hooks clean with his shirt,
% and makes room for the mayor to smell the trash ball for himself.
% After one whiff, he backs away in a fit of agony. Dr. Wernstrom, on
% the other hand, is still skeptical: "That smell could be anything. A
% faulty stench-coil, some cheese on the lense ... who knows?" The
% mayor's secretary rushes in carrying a tape recorder with an urgent
% transmission from Neptune. She presses play, and they hear a muffled
% voice speak of a giant garbage ball passing close by, followed by 20
% seconds of wheezing and coughing. (This part is much longer than she
% expected.)
Mayor: My God! The senile old man is right!
Wernstrom: Do you mean him or me?
Mayor: [points to Prof.] Him.
Wernstrom: [disappointed] Aww ...
% On the sidewalk, a number of people are watching a news report through
% the windows of "Pete's TVs." The news team is a young blonde woman
% and a green, webbed-fingered alien with an enormous, pulsing brain.
Woman: Next, "New New York in Crisis." [to her partner] Morbo?
Morbo: Thanks, human female. Puny Earthlings were shocked today to
learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city
of New New York.
Woman: Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles.
Morbo: Morbo agrees.
[they both laugh cheerfully]
% Back at Citihall, a representative of the US Military has paid a
% visit, and brought a holographic projector. A few members of the
% press are also present. A projection of the garbage ball is glowing
% in the center of the room, and they discuss solutions to the problem.
% Leela suggests shooting a missile at the ball, but as the
% supercomputer simulation shows, the ball is so gooey that a missile
% would just go straight through it. Farnsworth steps up to the
% holograph and points to a spot on it.
Farnsworth: But, suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive
precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee
grounds and this deposite of America Online floppy
disks?
[his theory is reenacted, with positive results]
Military Guy: In theory, it could work.
Wernstrom: Uh, "in theory," perhaps, but you'll never find a crew
willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous.
[Prof. turns towards his crew, smiling]
Bender: [resentfully] Aww, crap.
% Later on, the four of them are inside the Planet Express ship hangar,
% preparing to board the ship. Professor Farnsworth briefs them on
% their mission, while handing helmets out to everyone. He also has a
% bomb the size and shape of a thick book set aside next to him, with a
% digital readout that says 25:00 on it.
Prof.: Now, you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After
that, it will be so close to Earth, that blowing it up would
cause garbage to rain over the entire planet, killing
_billions_!
Bender: [cynically] Aw, boo-hoo.
[Prof. hands Leela the bomb]
Prof.: Now, here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it,
you'll have 25 minutes to get away.
Leela: That's all? But ...
Prof.: [interrupting] Now, now ... there'll be plenty of time to
voice your objections when and if you return.
% He shooes them off, and they don their uniforms. After an heroic shot
% of the three of them walking towards their destiny, Fry and Leela
% carrying their helmets under their arms and Bender carrying his head,
% the ship is ready to take off, and flies past the moon, towards the
% fiery, smelly trashteroid. When the odor magnitude becomes too
% fierce, Leela orders the ship to turn on its anti-smell device, which
% Fry considers "sporty" upon smelling the results. The ship makes a
% safe landing onto the surface of the ball, and its three pilots exit.
Fry: Wow!
Leela: Look at all this filth.
Fry: It's not _filth_. It's a glorious monument to the acheivements
of the 20th century! [he rummages through the trash beneath
him] Look, a real beanie baby! Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors'
plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls!
% Fry points to a pile of Bart Simpson dolls next to the ship, and
% Bender examines them. He takes one of the dolls and pulls the string
% on its back, to hear Bart say "Eat my shorts." Bender obeys the
% doll's command, pulls its shorts off and swallows them, commenting
% "Mmmm ... shorts!" Leela urges Fry for them to hurry up and blow up
% the trash ball, but he insists that it's not all worthless garbage.
% To demonstrate, he searches through a particular pile looking for
% something of value, but instead he gets his neck caught inside a six-
% pack ring. Leela saves him with a pair of scissors.
% With the Earth growing ever larger in the sky above of them, the team
% trudges through the tacky trash-valley, Leela with a map in her hand.
% She locates "hypodermic ridge" on the map, and deduces that the bomb
% must be placed right beneath them. She shoves it into the ground and
% gives her teammates one last warning before activating it: "Get ready
% to run. We've got 25 minutes!" She presses the red button, and the
% display changes from 25:00 to 15:00. She corrects herself and warns
% that they only have 15 minutes. The display changes to 05:00, and
% then to 6h:00. While the others are deeply confused, Bender clears
% things up and shows them that the counter is on upside-down.
Leela: That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes ... it was set for
52 seconds!
[Fry screams moronically with fear]
Fry: We're gonna die! [cautiously] Right?
Bender: Right.
[Fry screams again]
% End of Act Three (7:06)