"My Three Suns (1ACV07)" Episode Capsule Part Two
Jordan Eisenberg
% The "Robot Wash" sits as a short, lengthy building at the side of the
% road. Bender is at the front end, inserting his quarter and selecting
% a wash from the list. He chooses "Deluxe," locks his feet into the
% grated-metal conveyor belt on the floor, and begins the ride. The
% song "Car Wash" begins to play.
% Bender sings along to the song, as the conveyor belt pulls him through
% the tunnel-shaped insides of the Robot Wash. As the belt makes pit
% stops along the way, Bender is sprayed with soap and water, and dried
% off with a giant hair-dryer. He reaches a machine marked
% "Undercoating" and when he inserts an extra quarter, the machine
% closes around his lower body and starts to whirr. As we can see from
% Bender's eyes, he's in a state of ecstasy.
% The undercoating job is over, and the conveyor belt, along with the
% music, stops. Bender steps off, exits the back end of the Robot Wash,
% and looks around. A mechanical hand lowers from above and places a
% pine-tree-shaped air freshener around his neck, and Bender turns
% around to admire the sparkly finish on his rear end. But a thunder
% rumbles in the sky, some raindrops hit the pavement, and it begins to
% pour, with Bender standing in the middle of it. He groans dejectedly.
% End of Act One (0:52)
% Alone in the Planet Express TV room, Bender switches on the TV.
% "Essence of Elzar" is on, and we cut to the TV screen. It's a cooking
% show set in an ordinary, albeit filthy and cluttered, kitchen. The
% host is a blue-skinned man with a pig-like nose and four arms, wearing
% a white apron and chefs' hat. He turns to the audience.
Elzar: Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have
to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food.
Today, we're gonna kick it up a notch as I show you how to
fricassee a mouth-watering Neptunian slug. Now, while you're
greasing the pan and pre-heating your oven to 3500 degrees,
you're gonna seperate the yolk from your genetically enhanced
eggplant, and then give the whole thing a good blast from your
spice-weasel.
% Elzar shows us how its done by performing all of these steps as he
% mentions them. When he gets the spice-weasel part, he grabs a real
% live weasel from the shelf and squeezes it until a powdered substance
% shoots out of its nose and onto the food. Elzar yells "Bam!" as he
% squeezes. Back in real life, Fry and Leela walk through the door and
% ask what it is he's watching, and Bender quickly stumbles for the
% remote and turns off the TV.
Fry: Hey, whatcha' watching?
Bender: [apprehensive] Nothing!
Leela: Is that a cooking show?
Bender: No, of course not. It was ... uh ... porno! Yeah, that's it.
% Leela turns the TV back on and they all see Elzar continuing about his
% business on-screen. Bender is embarrased.
Leela: Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking! That's so _cute_.
Bender: [shyly] Oh, it's true, I've been hiding it for so long.
Fry: It's okay, Bender. I like cooking too.
Bender: [under his breath] Pansy!
% Fry turns around on his way out, but Bender avoids eye contact. Cut
% back to Elzar, who's now holding a frying pan and standing by a glass
% cage, which contains a bright-green and yellow slug with sharp teeth.
Elzar: Of course, the most important ingredient is this baby right
here, the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to
really do things right, you've gotta strangle yourself a fresh
one. Now, this is why you always want to use cast-iron
cookware.
% Elzar picks up the slug by the neck and begins strangling it. The
% slug gets angry and starts to inflate to ten times its size, while
% Elzar tries to whack it in the head with his frying pan. Bender looks
% disgusted. Later that evening, Bender is in Hermes' office getting
% chewed out, as the sign outside would indicate.
Hermes: Bender, mon, it has come to my attention that this company has
been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch.
Bender: You call _that_ a couch? I demand a pillow!
Hermes: I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary,
you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.
% Bender thinks for a moment. The next morning, he is standing in front
% of Fry and Leela at the table, wearing a chefs' hat and apron.
% Leela's white shirt has been replaced with a lime-green colored one.
Fry: _You're_ gonna be the ship's cook?
Bender: Yeah. We're gonna kick it up a notch!
[he slams his fist on the table and yells "Bam!"]
Leela: I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot ... you
don't even have a sense of taste!
Bender: [effeminately] Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was
wearing a lime-green tank top.
% Fry makes a cat-claw motion and yells "Bam!" at Leela. Later on, the
% crew visit a crowded neighborhood in New New York, which is populated
% with glowing neon signs advertising alien strip joins, and old-
% fashioned street vendors hawking carts of fruit on the sidewalk. It's
% also pupulated with lots of purple-skinned, four-armed aliens not
% unlike Elzar, who are shopping for fruit, loitering on the street
% corners, and going about their own business.
Fry: So, this is Little Neptune?
Bender: Yep. Every chef knows this is _the_ place to get exotic,
gourmet ingredients.
Leela: [cynically] Among other things.
% What Leela is referring to is the vending machine in a nearby alleyway
% that says "Buy Refreshing Crack!" At the machine, a junkie inserts
% his money and awaits his prize, but the portion of crack gets stuck on
% its way down to the bottom. The junkie cries for the machine not to
% hold out on him like this, but it's no use, and he slinks down to the
% floor in anguish. Meanwhile, the crew pass by another alleyway, and
% Fry is stopped by a large, unshaven man in an overcoat. The man opens
% up his overcoat to show rows of internal body parts such as
% intestines, kidneys and eyeballs, and Fry studies them.
Shady Guy: Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap, ready for
transplant.
Fry: [points to the eyeball] Ooh, what's this?
Shady Guy: S'x-ray eye. See through _anything_.
Fry: Wait a minute, this says "Z-ray!"
Shady Guy: "Z" is just as good! In fact, it's better, it's two more
than "X."
Fry: Hmmm, I can see where that can be an advantage. Do you
take cash?
% Fry takes out his wallet, but Leela yanks his arm and walks him away.
% They start on their way towards a marketplace, passing many more busy
% Neptunians on their way.
Leela: Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th
century anymore. You don't know how things work here.
Fry: I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These
are my people!
% Fry waves "Whaddup?" to a passing Neptunian, who is shaped like an
% octopus, and the alien responds with "Word!" They enter the
% marketplace, which is a little shop with rows of glass display cases
% and meat hanging from the ceiling. The man at the counter, his face
% buried in a newspaper, is also an alien. The three of them split up
% and shop around.
Fry: Wow, you guys have every kind of meat here except human!
Shopkeeper: [straightforward] What, you want human?
% Leela buys two pounds of powdered swamproot, which is supposed to make
% her irresistable to the opposite sex. Bender examines the store's
% variety of slugs in stock, and gets some help from the shopkeeper.
Bender: hey, buddy, I'm looking for fresh slug.
Shopkeeper: Yellow, or purple?
Bender: Whatever.
Shopkeeper: The purple one causes terrible, nightmarish diarrhea.
Bender: Yeah, yeah, either one's fine.
Leela: Hey, have you seen Fry?
% As the shopkeeper slaps a yellow slug onto the counter, we cut back to
% the alleyway outside, where Fry is once again conversing with the man
% in the overcoat.
Fry: Now that you mention it, I _do_ have trouble breathing
underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.
Shady Guy: [sly] Yes, gills ... then you don't need _lungs_ anymore.
Is right?
Fry: Can't imagine why I would.
Shady Guy: Lie down on table. I take lungs now ... gills come next
week.
% Fry is led to a bare table further into the alleyway where he lies
% down. The man takes out a pocket knife and calls over his "nurse" (a
% tall, muscular guy with tatoos a mustache), and begins to concentrate
% on the knife as it lowers into Fry's stomach. He warns that Fry "may
% feel small pain." Before the knife can begin cutting, though, a kick
% comes out of nowhere and knocks it into the air. It's Leela. She
% then kicks the "nurse" unconscious and before she can attack the man
% in the overcoat, he dashes away. On his way out, he picks up the
% knife and tosses it back at Leela. She ducks out of the way, though,
% and it lands in Bender's chest cavity. He slams it shut and yells
% "Thaaank you!" We return to Planet Express later that night, and
% they're arguing once more. Bender is on the couch across the room.
Leela: What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from
those guys!
Fry: I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever
stop to think I might be _happier_ with gills?
[Farnsworth enters]
Prof.: Good news, everyone!
Bender: I don't like the sound of that ...
Prof.: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
Bender: Here it comes ...
Prof.: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden
zone.
Bender: [chugging a beer] Thank you, and good night.
Leela: Uh, Professor, are we even _allowed_ in the forbidden zone?
Prof.: Why, of course, it's just a name like the Death Zone or the
Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the
Galaxy of Terror.
Leela: Uh, Professor ...
Prof.: Off you go! Pleasant trip!
% He pushes them out the door in a hurry. The ship takes off and
% approaches a nearby galaxy. As the crew, sans Bender, relaxes in the
% cockpit (it seems Amy and Dr. Zoidberg have also come along for the
% ride), Bender is in the kitchen below the cockpit, hard at work fixing
% their slug dinner. He removes the cooked slug from its boiling pot of
% water and places it on a plate. He decides to add a dash of salt, but
% in adding that 'dash,' he engulfs the entire slug in a pile of white
% salt. It shrivels up beneath the pile.
% Later, that same slug (still shriveled up and covered with salt) is
% being cut into pieces and served to the crew in the ship's dining
% room. Leela urges the rest of them to be supportive about Bender's
% first meal, but when they all take their first bites, she's the only
% one to scream "Oh, dear God!!!" at the top of her lungs. The others
% aren't quite so blunt, but still can't help but spit it out.
Fry: [pants] That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted ... and
I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt.
[they all take a sip of water, but spit it out as well]
Amy: Bender, is this _salt_ water?
Bender: It's salt with water _in_ it, if that's what you mean.
Fry: My vision's fading. I think I'm gonna die!
Bender: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was
10% less than a lethal dose.
Zoidberg: Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds!
% The ship approaches the dry and barren planet Trisol, and kicks up a
% cloud of dust around a landing pad in the middle of a desert. Leela
% hands Fry the package to deliver and urges him to be careful, but as
% she speaks, Fry sarcasticly mimicks her lecture by clasping his hand
% in and out, so it looks like his hand is talking.
Leela: Okay, Fry, here's the package to deliver and, for once in your
life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of
Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. [she slaps his
hand] Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. Just go to the
palace, drop it off, and come right back.
Fry: Geez, would you lay off? I was delivering things before you
were even born. I think I know what I'm doing.
% Fry storms out of the ship, returns for the package and storms out
% once more. Once outside, Fry has to walk a great distance through the
% desert to reach the palace on the horizon, and removes his jacket to
% withstand some of the heat. He comments that the slug has made him
% very thirsty, and when he sees the sun about to go down, he urges it
% on. No more than a few seconds pass after sunset, though, before a
% much closer, hotter sun rises behind the opposite horizon, to Fry's
% dismay.
% Fry has finally reached the palace and proceeds to walk up the long
% staircase in the front. The palace is made of brick with a tannish
% color, much like the sky and ground combined, and aside from the
% staircase, it consists of differently-sized towers each topped with
% domes. The tower in the center, to which the staircase leads, is
% particularly big. At this point, Fry is covered with sweat stains and
% is not so much walking as he is dragging himself. He reaches the top
% of the staircase and enters a pair of wide-open wooden doors, to see
% the hollow inside of the middle dome. It's got two rows of pillars
% forming a line down the center to the other side, where a throne sits.
% The path is lined with a red carpet. Surrounding the throne are
% several signs written in alien alphabets.
% The room appears to be empty. Fry yells for a response, but gets
% none, so he proceeds down the carpet, onto the raised section of
% floor at the other end, and places the package on the seat of the
% throne. He looks around. Sitting on the right arm of the throne is a
% bottle filled with a clear, blue liquid. There are drops of
% condensation sliding down the side of the bottle, and Fry licks his
% lips. Glancing around one more time, he reaches over to the bottle,
% pops off the cap, and drinks it down.
% There's something on the other side of the room, where Fry first
% entered. A puddle of water leaks out of the wall, and then another.
% Each puddle seems to take on a life of its own, and slides across the
% floor towards Fry, who's still guzzling down the contents of the
% bottle. As Fry swallows the last drop, each of the puddles morphs
% into the shape of an alien being, and looks at what Fry has just done.
Alien 1: [gasp] The royal bottle is empty!
Alien 2: [gasp] You drank our emperor!
Fry: [frightened] No, it wasn't me!
% Fry belches, and a little blue bubble wiggles in the air outside his
% mouth. He giggles nervously and pops it, but the liquid beings are
% not amused.
% End of Act Two (7:21)
% Back to the palace. The two liquid beings from before, apparently the
% palace guards judging by the spear-like weapons they hold in their
% hands, are now accompanied by several more like them. Fry is still in
% quite a heap of trouble.
Guard 1: You drank our emporer! You assassinated him!
Fry: I didn't mean to! He just looked so ... cool and refreshing.
Guard 2: [spitefully] I'm sure he _was_.
Guard 1: But now, he's gone and your fate is sealed! [pause; he
raises his voice] All hail the new emporer!!!
% Every one of them bends down on one knee before their new leader, and
% Fry looks on flabbergasted. Later on, though, he's regained his cool.
% He's slouched in the throne, with some female liquid beings fanning
% him off, and several of his liquid minions gathered around the room.
% His old Planet Express crew has also shown up, and Leela is trying to
% talk some sense into him.
Leela: So, after I specifically asked you not to touch anything, you
drank a bottle of strange, blue liquid? It could've been
poisonous acid!
Fry: It _could've_ been, but chances were equally good it was an
emporer.
[a liquid being named Murg approaches the throne]
Murg: Excuse me, your majesty, I am Murg, the High Priest. If I
might interject ... ?
Fry: You might.
Murg: I humbly advise that, as your first act, you choose a capable
Prime Minister. I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee.
[he gestures to the man next to him]
Gorgak: I would be a forceful and effective administrator.
Bender: You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a Prime
Minister.
Fry: I gotta go with Bender!
Bender: [victoriously] Yes! In your face, Gorgak!
Leela: That's it, Fry. As your captain, I order you back to the
ship. You are in _way_ over your head.
Fry: Gee, you think so, captain? I'd better check with my Prime
Minister ...
Bender: [cooly] Stay the course, pal.
% Bender is now sitting in a smaller throne right next to Fry. He's
% already being pampered to by two Trisolian liquid women of his own.
% Gorgak approaches the throne once more, and informs Fry that a package
% has come for him. (It's the same package that Fry had delivered to
% the palace earlier.) Fry thanks Gorgak, takes the package over to the
% throne, and opens it. Inside is a small sign that reads "Please Do
% Not Drink the Emperor." Fry places the sign on one of the pillars
% next to the throne, among the many other similar signs written in
% alien alphabet. He states "This got here juuust in time." Later that
% day, Murg is standing by Fry in a small, fancy room full of shelves
% of irregularly shaped bottles.
Murg: This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any one of these
maidens to be your royal consort.
Fry: [thinks to himself] How about that one?
[Fry points to one on the bottom shelf]
Murg: [laughs] Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort
of thing.
Fry: [panicks] On second thought, I'll take _that_ one.
Murg: Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.
% The throne room where Fry first earned his empire has a set of tall,
% skinny windows to the left and right of the center. Piled in front of
% one set of windows are dozens of bright-colored cushions, and most of
% the crew is resting on them. Amy is soaking her hand in a bowl of
% water next to hers. Even Fry is sitting on the topmost pillow, once
% again being fanned off by Trisolian women. Leela is not resting,
% though: she's pacing back and forth in the center of the room.
Leela: Does anyone think it's odd that a shiftless 25-year-old
delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emporer and
be rewarded instead of punished?
Fry: You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know
who you're talking about. [thinks] Uh ... me, right?
Amy: Aw, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These
people seem really mild-mannered.
Zoidberg: They _are_ mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now.
% Amy takes her hand out of the bowl it was soaking in. The water in
% the bowl morphs into Gorgak's head, and he informs her that she's
% "touched him in ways he's never been touched before." Murg walks into
% the room and spots Fry.
Murg: Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin
preparing for tomorrow's coronation ceremony.
Zoidberg: A fancy-dress gala? I'll wear my formal showl!
Murg: Fry will be in throne tomorrow at the setting of the three
suns, when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase.
Fry: There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches, will there?
Murg: Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation, from memory,
of the royal oath ... by you.
Fry: Will there be cake?
% The next day, Fry, the crew, and a floor of formally dressed
% Trisolians are dining inside during the pre-coronation gala. The
% emporer and those close to him eat at a lengthy table overlooking the
% rest of the dining hall, and at the side of the room a few Trisolians
% are sitting inside wine glasses playing the liquid harmonica with
% their own bodies. (I'm sorry, you'd have to see it for yourself ... )
% The audience applaud these musicians, and the stage is taken over by
% Gorgak, who introduces us to their planet's foremost political
% satirist, Florp.
% Florp takes the microphone, a spotlight is turned on him, and the
% audience hushes for him. Florp's comedy routine involves pointing out
% that people from under the orange sun walk one way, but people from
% under the red sun walk a different, much cooler way. The audience
% laughs, and Fry seems to appreciate the observation as well. Leela,
% who was not in the room until now, approaches Fry from behind to
% inform him he's in terrible danger. She brings him away from the gala
% to a large, incredibly long hallway in another part of the palace.
% The hallway is lined on both sides with hundreds of portraits, each
% one a former Trisol emporer. Leela tries to explain her case to Fry.
Leela: You see emporer Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by
emporer Strug. And, before he could even wipe his mouth, Strug
was drunk by Shwab.
Fry: So?
Leela: Look at all these guys! Do you have any idea what the average
length of their reigns was?
Fry: Uh ... 80,000 years?
Leela: [annoyed] No. One week!
Fry: Damn, I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high
or really low.
Leela: Every emporer ascended to power by assassinating the previous
one. And, guess who's next!
% Leela points to the wall, and we see Fry's portrait. (He's winking
% goofily in the picture.) After we see Fry's, we zoom to the portrait
% next to his, which is labelled "Fry's Assassin." We then zoom to the
% _next_ portrait, which says "Fry's Assassin's Assassin."
Fry: Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.
Leela: [yelling] You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these
emperors were drunk at their own coronation.
Fry: Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself.
Leela: No, they were _assassinated_! In fact, the law says you'll be
killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory.
[she shows him a big book marked "Coronation Oath"]
Fry: Yeah, I was gonna thumb through that later.
Leela: [sighs] That is completely reckless! Don't you ever think
ahead?
Fry: Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead, I wouldn't be emperor,
and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like
the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long,
the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the
octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then
the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate
_all_ his acorns, and then he got a racecar. Is any of this
getting through to you?
Leela: Oh, I give up! You're gonna get yourself killed, and this time
_I_ won't be there to save you.
Fry: Well, who asked you to? I told you 100 times to stop treating
me like a baby. Now, go! Go gather your nuts, you nagging
grasshopper.
Leela: [furious] That's it, I'm never helping you again! If anyone
besides _you_ needs me, I'll be in the ship.
% Leela throws the Coronation Oath book onto the floor at Fry's feet and
% storms away. Fry talks to himself after she leaves: "I'll be fine.
% It's not like anyone's gonna drink _me_." When he says this, the
% portrait on the wall behind him moves. The eyes disappear and a
% little hole opens up, out of which a long, thin straw protrudes. The
% straw attaches to Fry's neck and the man behind the portrait tries to
% slurp Fry through it, but Fry just knocks it away and whines "Quit
% it!" Later, an entire kingdom of Trisolians is gathered outside the
% palace, and the royal parliement stands at a podium above them. Murg
% addresses the crowd and introduces their new emperor (to much
% applause), at which point Fry takes the podium. His first words are
% "Whaddup?", but they bring a cold silence among the kingdom. Murg
% warns him to stick to the oath, and that he does.
Fry: I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous, who drank Ungo the Moist, who
guzzled Zorn the Stagnant, who slurped Hudj the Dewey, who
enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky, do
solemnly swear to rule with honer and insanity ... uh, integrity.
% A close-up shot reveals that Fry has the speech written on his arm.
% Nonetheless, the crowd claps, Murg congratulates him, replaces Fry's
% shirt with the Royal Unisex Robe, and declares "Long live Fry the
% Solid!" The kingdom rejoices in celebration, and along the horizon we
% see that the three suns are all setting at once. Bender takes note of
% it as an indication that he can switch to hard liquor, and does so.
% With the suns disappearing over the horizon, each and every Trisolian
% starts to turn a whitish color, as well as those on the podium with
% Fry. Bender says to his friends, "Check out the glowing freaks. It's
% beautiful." He then points to Fry's stomach (bare, thanks to the
% Unisex Robe), where a blue orb is beginning to form inside. Everyone
% gasps, and a face appears in the blue orb; the previous emporer.
Murg: The emperor Bont! He's still alive!
Bont: Of course, I'm alive! Now, cut this creep open and drain me
out. [the guards approach Fry, bearing swords]
Fry: [sheepishly] My tummy hurts.
% End of Act Three (6:55)