"A Fishful of Dollars (1ACV06)" Episode Capsule Part Three
JEdraw
% their mother. Mom sits at her desk holding a can of her own robot
% oil, and there is a large monitor on the wall next to her. Further
% down the wall, her "fat-suit," the fake outer body that she'd been
% wearing up until now, stands empty, and Igner is examining it.
Mom: As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is
"Mom's Old-Fashioned Robot Oil." [slams the can on her desk]
Think of it ... 10 billion robots, each one needing an oil
change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to
know that's a butload of oil.
Igner: Can I wear your fat-suit?
Mom: [yells] No, Igner, put that down!
[Igner groans]
Walt: What does this have to do with the anchovies?
Mom: I'm _getting_ to the freaking anchovies!
% Mom picks up a remote control and turns on the screen to her left. It
% displays a 3-dimensional model of a living anchovy. From here on, the
% monitor will compliment her every word with visual aides.
Mom: A single drop of the anchovies' natural oil would lubricate 10
robots permanently.
Larry: Wow, it's a shame it went extinct.
Mom: [yells] No, it isn't, shut your filthy clam!
[Walt slaps him]
Thank you, Walt.
[she turns back to the screen]
If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA, they could chop out the
oil-making gene, stick it in a bunch of third-world kids, and
_BAM_ ... cheap, effective oil. Enough to put dear old Mom out
of business.
Walt: [strategically] My God! This Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of
the highest order.
% We cut to Fry's apartment, where Fry is watching TV in the dark. The
% "Sanford & Son" theme song plays. Fry is resting his glass of water
% on top of his tin of anchovies. We hear someone on TV yell "Esther,
% you ugly!," and Fry laughs. Cut back to Mom's office.
Mom: We have only one option. We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry, so
he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us.
Walt: Mother, you are one clever old scag.
Mom: And don't you forget it.
Larry: But, how are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank?
Mom: That part will be easy, thanks to the people at Mom's Old-
Fashioned Video Surveillance Unit.
% Mom refers to the screen once more, and pops a tiny cassete tape into
% the VCR. We see a low-quality, black-and-white video taken when Fry
% was visiting the Big Apple Bank earlier in the episode. The scene is
% reenacted where Fry enters his PIN number and states that it was the
% price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back at Panucci's Pizza, only
% from the POV of the ceiling. Mom replays that last scene twice for
% emphasis.
Mom: You know what needs to be done.
Igner: [pause] What?
Mom: [yells] Get his PIN number, you idiot! [calm] Now, I'm off
to some charity B.S. for knocked-up teenage sluts.
% Mom is wearing her fat-suit again, and she leaves the room as she
% fixes the sagging parts. Back in Fry's apartment, he's still sitting
% at the TV when someone knocks on the door.
Walt: [from outside] Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called
for.
Igner: We're here to tighten your drain.
% Walt slaps Igner once more. As Fry walks to the door and opens it, he
% has time to say the words "I didn't order any ... " before the three
% boys lunge at him and hold him to the ground. Larry slips Fry a
% tranquilizer in pill-form, and forces it to be swallowed by rubbing
% his neck. From Fry's perspective, the world goes hazy, and an unknown
% amount of time passes by.
% When Fry finally comes to, he's in a small, white room. It has four
% featureless walls, and no ceiling. It seems to be a cheaply
% constructed cubicle in a large warehouse. There's a desk against one
% wall, with a menu posted behind it, and on another wall hangs a
% January 2000 calendar. Across from the desk, there's a door-shaped
% opening, but no door, and it leads into darkness. Fry is lying on the
% ground, and Walt stands over him, wearing a chefs' hat and a phony
% mustache.
Walt: Wake up, Mr. Fry.
Fry: [dazed] Where am I?
Walt: You're in the good old year 2000, working here at Panucci's
Pizza. You fell asleep on the job.
Fry: Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I
in the future?
Walt: No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000.
Fry: So, I'm really back!? Oh, that's exactly what I wanted ... I
guess. Who are you?
Walt: I'm Mr. Panucci.
Fry: You are? [squints] Did you grow a mustache since last night?
% Walt pulls the mustache off of his face in the blink of an eye and
% holds it behind his back. He nervously tells Fry to work the
% "currency register," because a customer is on the way. In another
% white room next door, furnished like a lady's dressing room, Larry
% and Igner are standing with Pamela Anderson's head in a jar. Igner is
% standing still, wearing a red cloak over his body, and Pamela
% Anderson's jar sits on the table.
Pamela: Hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museam.
Larry: Don't worry, Ms. Anderson, this won't take long. Now, your
motivation is you're back in the year 2000 and your head's
still on your body, and you want a cheese pizza.
% Larry dusts her off and places the jar on top on Igner's head. He
% folds up the red cloak so that is looks like Igner is her body (no one
% seems to care that her neck is now three feet long ... and did I
% mention Igner was wearing phony breasts?), and Pamela reassures them
% that she's only doing this so people will take her head seriously as
% an actress. Meanwhile, Fry is sitting at the desk in his little room,
% and he notices anochivies on the menu behind him.
Fry: Hey, look, anchovies!
Walt: Of course, they're not extinct _yet_. And, if you need further
proof that this is really a thousand years ago, well, here's
contemporary actress, Pamela Anderson!
% Igner stumbles into the room with Pamela on his head. Walt claps his
% hands, and Igner claps his hands too, even though they're supposed to
% belong to Ms. Anderson. She walks up to the counter and leans over to
% Fry.
Pamela: Hello, Fry. Remember me from "Baywatch: The Movie?"
Fry: Uh ...
Pamela: It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow-motion.
Walt: [whispering to her] It hasn't been made yet.
Pamela: [whispering back] Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar?
Walt: Nope.
Pamela: Crap!
Fry: Wait ... you're Pamela Anderson! Cool, what can I get you?
% Pamela begins to ask for a cheese pizza and a large soda, but she
% forgets the line halfway through and Larry has to yell it to her from
% backstage. She repeats the line again loudly but unnaturally. Fry
% echoes Pamela's order to Walt, who stands next to him, and Walt
% instantly produces the two items. Fry is confused, but carries on
% with his job anyway. When Pamela asks what she owes him, everyone
% leans in and listens carefully.
Pamela: So, what do I owe you?
Fry: $10.77. Same as my PIN number.
% Everyone but Fry starts laughing, including the man inside Pamela's
% red cloak. Fry tries to laugh along with them, but then Igner tells
% him "Hey, you don't get to laugh!," lifts Pamela's jar up in the air,
% and hits Fry over the head with it. On the street outside Fry's
% apartment, a white limo pulls up (with bags of money strapped to the
% roof), and Fry is thrown out on the sidewalk. The three boys inside
% laugh maniacally as they throw money in the air.
Igner: Thanks a billion!
Larry: More like 4.3 billion.
% They all laugh, but Walt slaps each of his brothers in the face. The
% limo pulls away, and Fry is left lying on the sidewalk, when another
% dream sequence begins. Fry imagines himself floating in the air, with
% pizzas, anchovies, and the number 1077 zooming past him. Bender's and
% Leela's heads appear like ghosts in front of him.
Fry: Oh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys
never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now, and you're really
here.
Leela: Since when do you care about us?
Bender: We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy
old songs about the buttocks.
Fry: No, that's not true!
% Both of his friends say goodbye to him as they fade away into the
% background. An announcer's voice comes out of nowhere and says "This
% dream brought to you by LightSpeed briefs!" and a giant 3-pack of
% LightSpeeds flashes into the foreground. Fry wakes up, and it's still
% the midafternoon. A truck labelled "Robo-Repo" sits in the street,
% and a robot is busy carrying pieces of furniture from the apartment
% building into the back of the truck.
Fry: Bender ... Leela ... don't leave me ... wait a minute! [turns
to the robot] Hey, buddy, what year is this?
Robot: Uh, 3000.
Fry: 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful!
[realizes] Wait, what are you doing with my stuff?
Robot: Check bounced. We're taking it all back.
% Fry reminisces about his ATM card and secret PIN number (he reminds
% the robot that it was 1077), and says he's got nothing left. But he
% realizes that's not true when he reaches into his sock and pulls out
% his tin of anchovies. Meanwhile, Bender and Leela watch TV at Planet
% Express, and Professor Farnsworth sits at the table writing on a pad
% of paper.
Leela: [to Prof.] _You're_ Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how
he got so crazy?
Prof.: A-wha? Oh, yeah, they say madness runs in our the family.
[dead-pan] Some even call _me_ mad. And, why? Because I
dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters! Atomic
supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood ...
[Prof. walks out and Fry walks in]
Fry: Leela! Bender! I missed you so much.
Leela: You did? What happened?
Fry: I was robbed. They got everything, except these. [holds up
his anchovies]
Bender: Who did?
[Mom enters]
Mom: Hello, Fry.
Leela: [gasps] It's Mom!
Mom: I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles, and I
thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his
anchovies.
Fry: Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale.
Mom: [yells] What?! Listen, you little bastard, I control the
robot oil business and I won't let _you_ ruin me. How much do
you want? [takes out her checkbook]
Fry: You might as well put that checkbook away, because I've
discovered something even more important. My friends. And
they aren't worth even a penny to me.
[Bender and Leela exchange glances]
That's why _these_ anchovies are going on a pizza. So I can
share the food I love with the people I like.
Mom: [incredulous] Holy hell!!! You're going to _eat_ them? Oh,
well ... [sweetly] Just make sure you eat them all. You're a
growing boy. Toodle-loo, _dumbass_.
Fry: What a nice lady!
% Mom leaves. Later that night, Leela, Nibbler, Amy, Hermes, Bender,
% Fry and Professor Farnsworth are gathered around the table with a piza
% pie in the center. Fry opens up the tin of anchovies and puts some on
% everyone's slice.
Fry: Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal
you've ever tasted.
Amy: I don't know ... I've had cow.
% They all take a bite of their pizza, and everyone but Fry instantly
% chokes and grabs his/her neck in disgust. Fry continues to eat his
% pizza happily.
Fry: Ah, no one likes 'em at first, but they'll grow on ya.
[Dr. Zoidberg enters and sniffs the air]
Zoidberg: That stench ... that heavenly stench!
[he rushes over and eats the whole pizza pie in one gulp]
More!!!
Fry: [cheerful] There aren't any more, and there never will be!
Zoidberg: More ... more ... more ... more!!!
% Zoidberg hunches over in anger. He knocks over the table and lurches
% towards Fry, chanting "More!!!" Suspenseful music plays. He lurches
% closer and closer to the camera, until his black pupil fills the
% screen and the executive producer credits are waiting inside.
% End of Act Four (7:49)
========================================================================
= Contributers =
{dga} Dale G. Abersold {ksp} Kelly Shane Pickell
{hl} Haynes Lee {mo} Matt O'Connell
{jb} Jason Barrera {mr} Matt Riley
{jh} Justin Headley {zz} Zachary Zulkowski
{jk} Joe Klemm
========================================================================
Futurama, its characters and "screen ======= First uploaded: 30-May-1999
door" are registered trademarks of ======= Revision A : ??-???-????
30th Century Fox. Compiled with 10% ======= E-mail me: <jed...@aol.com>
more love than the previous leading ===================================
capsule by Jordan "Mom" Eisenberg. ===================================
========================================================================
This capsule was partly intended to be a source of information for ====
other, superior capsule compilers with nowhere else to turn. For ====
direct theft, I prefer the abbreviation {je}, but more subtle ones ====
need no credit at all. Thank you for your thought and cooperation. ====
Available on the web at: <http://futurama.simplenet.com/episodes/1ACV06.txt>
D Adams
> Contributers =
>
> {dga} Dale G. Abersold {ksp} Kelly Shane Pickell
> {hl} Haynes Lee {mo} Matt O'Connell
> {jb} Jason Barrera {mr} Matt Riley
> {jh} Justin Headley {zz} Zachary Zulkowski
> {jk} Joe Klemm
>
> Available on the web at: <http://futurama.simplenet.com/episodes/1ACV06.txt>
Thank you for posting it. Even though I saw the show, I still enjoyed reading
about it.
maro