Worst Movie *Ever*
E Teflon Piano
Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
*five* minutes after the credits.
The plot: there's this guy that looks like a *pretty* version of Claude Van
Damme who gets sent to jail for killing this other guy who orchestrated the
21st Century's version of the bombing of Cambodia. Apparently the 21st century
has abolished the death penalty (Republicans take note: this Congress thing
does't last).
So the guy who looks like Vann Damme gets sent to this kennel run by a fat
corrupt sadistic mid-eastern looking guy, who tortures people, and apparently
has the ability to kill them, but doesn't kill GWLLVD, instead sending him to
this private prison "Devil's Island", which in comparison to the kennel, looks
like Club Med Jamacia.
So, the prison island is run by this guy who looks like Sean Connery in
Highlander II, only with real hair, and apparently a *real* problem in keeping
his glasses from slipping down his nose because he has a series of little pegs
lining the bridge. Of his nose, I mean.
So, GWLLVD meets GWLLSC, beats him, escapes and meets this hippie comune of
erstwhile prisoners who've set up this Swiss Family Robinson colony on the
Other Side of the Island. They need --get this-- a distributor from a 1966
chevy Nova to complete their escape Speed Boat.
As it happens, GWLLVD just *happened* to see the very thing while fleeing from
GWLLSC. Of *all* the distributors that must have accumulated in the *world* by
then, the *one* the colony needs is *right on the island*. Wow. What a
coincidence.
So, GWLLVD *goes back to get the distributor.* He succeeds, but this Nice
Kid gets killed in the process and learns about Bravery. A bit late, really.
So, the SFR group is going to escape, but is betrayed by this *really* fat
germophobe who is a spy for the fat mid-eastern looking guy.
So in the Deus ex Machina of the millenium, GWLLVD steals the helicopter that
the fat mid-eastern guy is flying to go to the island to kill GWLLVD by faking
him out.
What we have learned from this movie: Really Fat Guys cause all the trouble
in the world; neither Claude Van Damme nor Sean Connery would touch this turkey
with a ten-foot poll; If you're going to kill the good guy, *do it right
away*! Don't fool around with sending him to Club Med and fretting about it
later.
--
E Teflon Piano is a fellow at the Institute of Misapplied Psychometry and
founder of the Internet Legal Society.[sm]
Bobby Hodad
Piano) writes:
Yeah, but how many nekkid chicks do they show?
--
XOXO
Bobby Pork'n'beans?
Joseph Bay
5) How many nekkid chicks did they show,
and
5) What was the title of this movie (unless it was called _Worst Movie Ever_)?
Was it actually _No Escape_, or were you saying that it made _HII_ look
like a combination of _Das Boot_ and Sartre's masterwork of existentialism,
_No Escape_?
--
"There is much more to this demented post, than this paragraph."
-- Andrew Beckwith "Grate spirits have always encountered violint
opposition from mediocer minds" -- A. Einstein
"Without trolling, the Internet wouldn't be where it is today" --John Yeung
Bruce Ediger
>In <1994Nov18...@ubmail.ubalt.edu> rgrif...@ubmail.ubalt.edu (E Teflon
>Piano) writes:
>> I've just seen a movie that makes the Highlander II look like Das Boot: No
>>Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
>>*five* minutes after the credits.
>
>Yeah, but how many nekkid chicks do they show?
NONE! And that just shows you what's WRONG with American Cinema Today!
Only Weird Patriot Joe Bob Briggs defends the once-proud American Trash
Cinema from the assualt of the feel-good self-appointed do-gooders.
Bruce "Newt" Ediger
Lisa Higgins
The worst movie ever made was released as "The Blood of Nostradamus" in the
U.S.. I think it had a couple of other names, but that is the one I remember,
because it is the best.
Brief Synopsis: A mad scientist lives in a sorta big house that looks like
a castle from the outside and a suburban ranch house from the inside. He has
a lovely daughter whom he slavers all over a lot. There is another guy who
lives in the house, but I don't know why. I think he is a psychiatrist or
something because they dubbed him with sorta a German accent. There is also
a sort of farmhand guy, but I can't tell where he lives. I think he likes the
daughter, and he is around a lot. Anyhows, mad scientist ("Dr. Nostradamus--
I think they meant "Nosferatu.") is really A VAMPIRE!!!! You can tell because
sometimes he goes into the basement and heaves his body onto the stairs and
stuff and throws himself across this large piece of concrete that may be a
COFFIN! And sometimes when he is throwing himself around, the director forgets
to tell the cameraman not to show the back part of the prop stairs. Because
they go nowhere. It is cool. Anyway, at some point, this guy runs into the
castle and says, "There are vampires running loose in the streets!" I don't
know who the man is, but they show this closeup of his mouth yelling this and
superimpose stock footage of a lot of feet running and he says it about three
or four times in case you didn't understand. I don't really know what the plot
is, and am having a difficult time relating the story and the mood, so just
let me leave you with two more highlights:
Dr. Nostradamus and a couple of those people who may or may not live with him
are sitting in the "rec room" discussing the problem. They have a close up of
this one guy who has about a 10 or 15 second speech, and when they pull back,
the group has been joined by "Dave" and "Connie," a couple not previously (or
subsequently) introduced. Connie is pretty dressed up and has big blond hair.
Dave is sitting behind her, the perspective making him look very tiny, and
he has his whole head bandaged.
The peasants riot at some point and go to break into the castle. The angry mob
consists of farmers in grungy overalls holding pitchforks, with the exception
of the ringleader, who is a slightly aging glamour queen in a tight little
sequined dress that looks like a figure skating outfit or something. She has
on really spiky heels and she carries the torch and gives the mob all their
directions.
The movie was made in Mexico, and all the titles and credits and everything are
in those blood-drippy letters, so it's hard to tell too much else about it. I
have not seen the movie in about ten years, and will be the best friend of
anyone who provides me with information about how to go about getting my own
copy.
Thank You.
YBF,
Bestial Sighing Here.
lee s. bumgarner
> I've just seen a movie that makes the Highlander II look like Das Boot: No
> Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
> *five* minutes after the credits.
NO, NO, Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worse movie of all times.
-l
--get netscape at ftp.mcom.com * lsbu...@vax1.acs.jmu.edu-
lee s. bumgarner :: _ __/| Ack!! :: "Any sufficiently advanced
James Madison Uni :: \`O.o' / Phfft! :: technology is indistinguishable
Harrisonburg va. :: =(_ _)= :: from magic."
:: U :: -- arthur c. clarke
H...@nuacvm.acns.nwu.edu
LSBU...@vax1.acs.jmu.edu (lee s. bumgarner) writes:
>In <1994Nov18...@ubmail.ubalt.edu> rgrif...@ubmail.ubalt.edu writes:
>
>> I've just seen a movie that makes the Highlander II look like Das Boot: No
>> Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
>> *five* minutes after the credits.
>
>NO, NO, Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worse movie of all times.
>-l
>
>>of Ray Liotta and film stock. At least Plan 9 was campy enough to laugh
>>at. No Escape was so determined to be the tropical "Escape from New York"
>>without the humor.
Christopher E. Forman
: NO, NO, Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worse movie of all times.
Not really. True, it has been _called_ that for some time, but try watching
a few episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometime. They've shown a
lot of films there that are _far_ worse than Plan 9, but never gained the
recognition (I guess you'd call it that) that Plan 9 did.
Paul Steckler
My vote is for "Tough Guys Don't Dance", based on
the Norman Mailer book, and directed by same.
It's a real stinker!
-- Paul
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Paul Steckler | World-Wide Web: |
| st...@dcs.ed.ac.uk | URL = http://www.dcs.ed.ac.uk/home/steck |
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph Bay
>: NO, NO, Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worse movie of all times.
>Not really. True, it has been _called_ that for some time, but try watching
>a few episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometime. They've shown a
According to Mike Nelson of MST3K, the worst movie EVER made was
_Eegah_
It's about a caveman living in the desert who is hit by a car and then
comes out to meet the modern world. Sort of like _Encino Man_ but without
the intellectual appeal of Paul Shore.
Matt McIrvin
Joseph Bay <b...@eden.rutgers.edu> wrote:
>According to Mike Nelson of MST3K, the worst movie EVER made was
>
> _Eegah_
>
>It's about a caveman living in the desert who is hit by a car and then
>comes out to meet the modern world. Sort of like _Encino Man_ but without
>the intellectual appeal of Paul Shore.
It instead had the multi-untalented Arch Hall, Jr. in the Pauly Shore
role. Arch Hall, Jr. also starred in _The Nasty Rabbit_, a pathetic
pseudo-comedy that is available in letterbox, for some
incomprehensible reason.
_Eegah_ is indeed quite stinky, but it can't hold a candle to _Monster
A Go Go_ director Bill Rebane's masterpiece, _Invasion from Inner
Earth_; or Roger Corman's worst movie, _The Terror_. Or, for that
matter, Dennis Hopper's _The Last Movie_ or Ralph Bakshi's _Cool
World_.
I'd *love* to see MST3K do _Invasion from Inner Earth_, particularly
the gripping ham radio scene.
--
Matt 01234567 <-- Indent-o-Meter
McIrvin ^ Harnessing tab damage for peaceful ends!
Hiski Haapoja
>>
>>It's about a caveman living in the desert who is hit by a car and then
>>comes out to meet the modern world.
Starring my favorite actor Richard Kiel, who was the saving grace in two
script-free Bond movies as well as an idiocy called "So Fine" where
Harvard intellectual Ryan O'Neal invents jeans without bottoms.
Of course bad movies from everywhere else pale beside bad Finnish movies.
For the pure in heart: http://www.uta.fi/~trhiha
#Suomalainen ihminen on pieni ja hento.# (Karoliina Nivari)
Andrew Jeanes
>
>Of course bad movies from everywhere else pale beside bad Finnish movies.
Hey! I just saw "Leningrad Cowboys Go America" for the second time.
It's bad alright, but it's no "Cool World".
Andrew "my vote goes to 'Lassiter' w/ Tom Sellick" Jeanes
Andrew Jeanes || aje...@journal.biology.carleton.ca |cantermites
"We are the United States Government, we don't do that |besiegelima?
sort of thing." --NSA Agent on world peace, _Sneakers_ |hasturkey
http://journal.biology.carleton.ca/People/ajeanes |gotskiboots?
KEIVOM JAMES LALROPUI
i nominate "trouble in paradise"
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|thanks again and have a nice day, | Well my heart is where it's always |
| | been, |
|james____________________________ |_My head is somewhere in between - U2_|
z_r...@titan.sfasu.edu
I have been seeing these posts for a while now, and I would like to ask this:
What is the worst BIG STAR casted movie??
My choice:
Philidelphia -- I hated this movie (not cause of AIDS, cause of how lame it
was)
Michael Straight
>I have been seeing these posts for a while now, and I would like to ask this:
>
>What is the worst BIG STAR casted movie??
ZARDOZ - one of Sean Connery's first movies.
"The gun is good; the penis is bad." -- Zardoz
Michael Straight never hears Sean talk about this one in interviews.
..............................................................................
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/The Magical Shirt/"Hath grace limits?"
"Halt this grimace!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
Joseph Bay
>I'd *love* to see MST3K do _Invasion from Inner Earth_, particularly
>the gripping ham radio scene.
^^^^^^^^ ^^^
This is rather disgusting.
Also, could you explain all those jokes Kibo made?
>Matt 01234567 <-- Indent-o-Meter
>McIrvin ^ Harnessing tab damage for peaceful ends!
Go, Indent-o-Meter, go!
Joseph Bay
>Starring my favorite actor Richard Kiel, who was the saving grace in two
>script-free Bond movies as well as an idiocy called "So Fine" where
>Harvard intellectual Ryan O'Neal invents jeans without bottoms.
They had bottoms. They were just transparent plastic.
Oh god. Somebody please shoot me.
Elisabeth R Higgins
>trh...@uta.fi (Hiski Haapoja) writes:
>
>>Starring my favorite actor Richard Kiel, who was the saving grace in two
>>script-free Bond movies as well as an idiocy called "So Fine" where
>>Harvard intellectual Ryan O'Neal invents jeans without bottoms.
>
>They had bottoms. They were just transparent plastic.
>
So? Hitler had a transparent plastic bottom, too.
>Oh god. Somebody please shoot me.
>
Is this good enough, Joe?
YBF,
Lisa is bigger heathen.
Joseph Bay
>>They had bottoms. They were just transparent plastic.
>So? Hitler had a transparent plastic bottom, too.
>>Oh god. Somebody please shoot me.
>Is this good enough, Joe?
Thanks for ending this thread. Whew!
David C. Goble
Come on guys. You may have seen bad movies, but until you've seen
_Manos: The Hands of Fate_ you just haven't seen bad. Wait (and wait
and wait) while Torgo comes out with his malformed knees. Feel the
quick pacing. This is one of those that is almost unbearable to watch.
Jason Mulligan
> >Not really. True, it has been _called_ that for some time, but try watching
> >a few episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometime. They've shown a
> >lot of films there that are _far_ worse than Plan 9, but never gained the
> >recognition (I guess you'd call it that) that Plan 9 did.
Well, the worst movie I've seen for some time has been the recent
'Ghost in the machine'.
-
Jason Mulligan
E-Mail to: ma...@valinor.hna.com.au
"The Jedi are extinct, their fire has gone out of the universe.
You, my friend, are all that's left of their religion."
- Grand Moff Tarkin
Joe Rumsey
>In article <D03Cx...@dcs.ed.ac.uk>, Paul Steckler writes:
>> >Not really. True, it has been _called_ that for some time, but try watching
>> >a few episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometime. They've shown a
>> >lot of films there that are _far_ worse than Plan 9, but never gained the
>> >recognition (I guess you'd call it that) that Plan 9 did.
> Well, the worst movie I've seen for some time has been the recent
>'Ghost in the machine'.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that one. It was Lawnmower Man, but without
the plausible plot, and only a handful of nifty computer graphics.
Man that was a bad movie.
Thanks a LOT for reminding me, I'd managed to block the experience
out until now.
No, "bad" is too nice. But it's too late to come up with an
appropriate description. "Tremendously putrid" is the best I can do,
doesn't really do the film justice. The only good part was... no
forget it, I can't come up with a good part. Oh wait, yeah I can...
Was that the movie where the guy opened up the microwave while the
'ghost' was feeding it lots of power? And he blew up, splattering his
guts all over the kitchen? Yes I think it was. Ok, there was one
good part after all.
Karen Allen was in that movie too, boy has her career gone downhill
since Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Joe "Deadly Friend was much worse" Rumsey
--
(3-D .Sig) (3-D .Sig)_ (3-D .Sig) _ (3-D .Sig) _
/\ /~` /~) /_ /\ /~` /~) /_ /\ /~` /~) /_ /\ /~` /~) /_
\/ \_) \~\ \_ _\/ \_) \~\ \_ _\/ \_) \~\ \_ _\/ \_) \~\ \_
@netcom.com / / @netcom.com | | @netcom.com \ \ @netcom.com
oe Rumsey /_/ Joe Rumsey |_| Joe Rumsey \_\ Joe Rumsey
E Teflon Piano
b...@er6.rutgers.edu (Joseph Bay) writes:
> trh...@uta.fi (Hiski Haapoja) writes:
>
>>Starring my favorite actor Richard Kiel, who was the saving grace in two
>>script-free Bond movies as well as an idiocy called "So Fine" where
>>Harvard intellectual Ryan O'Neal invents jeans without bottoms.
>
> They had bottoms. They were just transparent plastic.
But(t), the prototype was just nekkid rump, remember? He invented them by
busting out of them?
>
> Oh god. Somebody please shoot me.
Ulp...Uh, me too, I guess.
BTW, "No Escape" is still the worst movie, despite some serious challenges
from other nominees, Wednesday's entry notwithstanding. Plan 9 is a *classic*
of badness. "No Escape" will never be a classic.
Bruce Ediger
>b...@er6.rutgers.edu (Joseph Bay) writes:
>>trh...@uta.fi (Hiski Haapoja) writes:
>>>Starring my favorite actor Richard Kiel, who was the saving grace in two
>>>script-free Bond movies as well as an idiocy called "So Fine" where
>>>Harvard intellectual Ryan O'Neal invents jeans without bottoms.
>>They had bottoms. They were just transparent plastic.
>
>So? Hitler had a transparent plastic bottom, too.
Oh, dear. Hilter has a transparent plastic bottom _right_now_!
His brane is kept alive in a transparent plastic spheroid deep
inside the hollow earth!
Sincerely,
Bruce (I misspelled hilter once on purpose!) Ediger
Eli Balin
Bruce Ediger <bed...@teal.csn.org> wrote:
>Sincerely,
>Bruce (I misspelled hilter once on purpose!) Ediger
Have you noticed that if you mix up the letters in "Hi-Liter" (brand name
of one of those flourescent marking pens), you get "I, Hitler?"
OFFICE SUPPLIES ARE A NAZI PLOT!!!!!!!!!
--
===========================================================================
| E. M. Balin (elib...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu): If sanity, reason, and |
| common sense aren't working, I might just have an answer that will. |
===========================================================================
Vijay Ramanujan
Hands down, no question, huge as all outdoors big budget overhyped
disaster of a film:
Natural Born Killers - the worst movie I have ever seen. Period. No, I
don't mean a really bad movie that I have seen recently. I mean, ask me
in ten years, and this will still probably be the worst movie I have ever
seen. Hopefully I won't make the mistake of wasting another two-three
hours on a piece of trash this bad ... ever. God, it made me angry it was
so stupid.
Erik Nokling
: > I've just seen a movie that makes the Highlander II look like Das Boot: No
: > Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
: > *five* minutes after the credits.
Just want to say I liked No Escape. I only saw it on Laserdisc, and
it think it's a good mix of Mad Max and Lord of the Flies. It had a
bass-FX track almost as good as T2. Great escapism :)
Who cares about sense after the bussjump in Speed ?
------------------------(er...@powertech.no)-----------------------
Erik Nokling
: > I've just seen a movie that makes the Highlander II look like Das Boot: No
: > Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
: > *five* minutes after the credits.
Just would like to say that I liked No Escape. I only saw it on laser-
disc, so maybe the expectations where lower. It had a great soundFX and
bass-track, and I liked the photography, the editing, and anything with
Lance Henriksen can't be that bad.
My wote for the worst picture goes to Undercover Blues. Not a single
funny scene in the first half (didn't see the second half)
----------------------------(er...@powertech.no)-------------------------
Marc L.
>In <1994Nov18...@ubmail.ubalt.edu> rgrif...@ubmail.ubalt.edu writes:
>
>> I've just seen a movie that makes the Highlander II look like Das Boot: No
>> Escape. It has an idiot plot that places its foot on the neck of sense fully
>> *five* minutes after the credits.
>
>NO, NO, Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worse movie of all times.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is up there (down there?) also. An absolute horror notable only for
the first film appearance of Pia Zadora (some treat, eh?).
Marc L.
Joseph Bay
>_Manos: The Hands of Fate_ you just haven't seen bad. Wait (and wait
Aw, they cut to the same scene!
How like USENET.
Matt Friedman
My answer to that: THE DOORS. I can't think of a more pretentious, moronic
piece of dreck.
Also, HOME ALONE, FATHER OF THE BRIDE (the 1991 remake), PARENTHOOD, TWINS,JFK.
MARLENE
=====================================================================
Matt Friedman Marlene Blanshay
_____________________________________________________________________
ma...@CAM.ORG
Montreal Quebec Canada
=====================================================================
Joseph Bay
>Natural Born Killers - the worst movie I have ever seen. Period. No, I
>don't mean a really bad movie that I have seen recently. I mean, ask me
Really? I liked it. In fact, I saw it twice. Once this weekend, in
fact. Then I watched Cheers tonight, and when Woody went upstairs to
Melville's to tell Rebecca that Robin was on the phone, I thought he was
going to pull out a shotgun and kill everybody! But he didn't. Oh well.
Poor Kelly! Mallory would kick her ass!
KEIVOM JAMES LALROPUI
lost in paradise was the worst movie. as some critic said, it wasn't
released, it escaped.
Joe McMahon
Michael Straight <mstr...@nyx10.cs.du.edu> wrote:
>In article <1994Dec...@titan.sfasu.edu>, <z_r...@titan.sfasu.edu> wrote:
>>I have been seeing these posts for a while now, and I would like to ask this:
>>
>>What is the worst BIG STAR casted movie??
>
>ZARDOZ - one of Sean Connery's first movies.
>
>"The gun is good; the penis is bad." -- Zardoz
Cheating is bad, Richard Basehart is good.
--- Joe M.
--
csound - anything you can possibly imagine ... in about an hour.
Bill Marcum
Joseph Bay <b...@er6.rutgers.edu> wrote:
>mci...@scws4.harvard.edu (Matt McIrvin) writes:
>
>>I'd *love* to see MST3K do _Invasion from Inner Earth_, particularly
>>the gripping ham radio scene.
> ^^^^^^^^ ^^^
>
>This is rather disgusting.
>
--
Bill Marcum bma...@iglou.com
in an Italian restaurant, drinking cappucino with Oriental women
- Zorro -
Fritzlein <cjah...@cc.swarthmore.edu> wrote:
>Like a Thief in the Night!!!! gotta be the worst ever, man. The dialogue,
>the plot, the glorious sounds of the seventies!
>
>--
>
>CAJahnke aka Fritz, alienated pseudointellectual
>
>Under peaceful conditions a warlike man sets upon himself. -Nietzsche
You are all wrong!
I alone have the awnser; I will impart my wisdom on to you, Kibo's willing
thrall.
The worst movie of all time is:
Ator: The Fighting Eagle
--------------------------------------------
* Wanna bees on the Worst movie list *
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
American Ninja III: Bloodhunt
Would have been on the list but it accidently turned out really funny.
They Live!
If they left out the fight over sunglasses, they would have made it. In
the end, the movie is just too darn funny.
The Professional
Not acctually a totaly worthless film, but the trailers claimed it was
the definitive action movie. It gets the dubious honor of and hornorable
mention.
The Expert
It can't be any better than the Specialist or the Professional, so I'm just
penciling it in for when and if they make it.
??????????
This the movie where Kathy Ierland falls into a hole in the earth. It's
only redeming quality is Kathy Ierland in short shorts. If I knew the name,
it would be #1, the shorts didn't save the film.
Eli Balin
>In article <3bnk2h$h...@er6.rutgers.edu>,
>Joseph Bay <b...@er6.rutgers.edu> wrote:
>>mci...@scws4.harvard.edu (Matt McIrvin) writes:
>>
>>>I'd *love* to see MST3K do _Invasion from Inner Earth_, particularly
>>>the gripping ham radio scene.
>> ^^^^^^^^ ^^^
>>
>>This is rather disgusting.
>>
>What's so disgusting about Grippingham?
Your question brings to mind many old memories of my time spent at
Grippingham Manor. Lord Grippingham had fallen on hard times, but of
course he had to maintain his title and property. The image of
prosperity above all, you know. Anyhow, to cover the many debts he had
accrued gambling on midget bloodsports, he had consigned the majority of
his land to a pork rendering plant. Ah, to think of the fragrance of
simmering fat on a midsummer morning! Most expedient, I might say, in
clearing the digestive tracts. Now the lady Grippingham, you see, had a
most unfortunate allergy to hair, and was entirely bald. This would not
have been so bad had she not been as corpulent as she was, and if not for
her alarming fixation on candied locusts, which she would stuff her mouth
with without pause. Her almost complete lack of teeth made this a rather
unique auditory experience, especially in the wee hours of the morning.
A stipulation in one of the late elder Grippingham's wills made certain
that the family's reknowned goatherds were able to roam freely throughout
the manor, and rumors abounded regarding the domestic staff's actions
toward these denizens. And could I forget to mention the habits of Lord
Grippingham himself, when confronted with the nests of rodents who were
always to be found in the bathtubs and bidets of Grippingham Manor, in
spite of the ravenous appetite of the caretaker. Ah, such memories!
Your question does indeed make me ponder: What _is_ so disgusting about
Grippingham?
--
Eli Balin
- Zorro - <guy...@u.washington.edu> wrote:
>??????????
> This the movie where Kathy Ierland falls into a hole in the earth. It's
>only redeming quality is Kathy Ierland in short shorts. If I knew the name,
>it would be #1, the shorts didn't save the film.
>
_Alien From LA_
Nathan Mehl
: _Eegah_ is indeed quite stinky, but it can't hold a candle to _Monster
: A Go Go_ director Bill Rebane's masterpiece, _Invasion from Inner
: Earth_; or Roger Corman's worst movie, _The Terror_. Or, for that
: matter, Dennis Hopper's _The Last Movie_ or Ralph Bakshi's _Cool
: World_.
But really, for true brain-pummeling awfulness, I have yet to find
a film as offensive to taste, intelligence and sensibility as the
justifiably much-feared and much-reviled CHERRY 2000.
The plot? Well, it's The Future, and in The Future men don't sleep
with women, but with gynomorphic pleasure-servant androids. (Except
they don's call them "gynomorphic" because that has too many
syllables.) But of course, The Future is a nasty, post-apocalyptic
kind of place, and supplies of spare parts are low, so when Our
Hero's pleasure bot get's short-circuited in a tragic dishwashing
accident (no joke), he has to hire a guide to take him into The
Wasteland to unconver a hidden stash of android parts. Since
the Wasteland is a rough, scary place, full of new-age hairdresser
bandits, Our Hero hires the roughest, toughest, most hard-bitten
and experienced Tracker in the whole Future World...
...Melanie Griffith.
I watched CHERRY 2000 in an at-home double feature with the
MST3K episode featuring the radioactive mummy running amok
on a college campus (Creature From Another World or somesuch).
The unanimous verdict was that the MST3K movie was a thousand
times better than Cherry 2000...
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|Didn't the book of Revelations say something about a plague of Newts?|
----{Nathan J. Mehl}-------------------{nat...@bwh.harvard.edu}--------
Peter Zelchenko
You know, Nostradamus did that too. He spelled it "Hister."
--
Peter Zelchenko (pe...@chinet.com) | InfoComm Electronic Pre-Press
Chicago, Illinois | 312-751-1220 (w), 312-RED-BIRD (h)
Hiski Haapoja
More accurately, I sat in the theater and tried to decide whether I saw
less with glasses on or off. Apparently the manufacturers of 3 D glasses
never heard of people whose eyes don't match with each other.
For the pure in heart: http://www.uta.fi/~trhiha
#Suomalainen ihminen on pieni ja hento.# (Karoliina Nivari)
Roxanna Herrick
(Christopher E. Forman) writes:
: >: NO, NO, Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worse movie of all times.
: >Not really. True, it has been _called_ that for some time, but try watching
: >a few episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometime. They've shown a
: According to Mike Nelson of MST3K, the worst movie EVER made was
: _Eegah_
: It's about a caveman living in the desert who is hit by a car and then
: comes out to meet the modern world. Sort of like _Encino Man_ but without
: the intellectual appeal of Paul Shore.
: --
: "There is much more to this demented post, than this paragraph."
: -- Andrew Beckwith "Grate spirits have always encountered violint
: opposition from mediocer minds" -- A. Einstein
: "Without trolling, the Internet wouldn't be where it is today" --John Yeung
The absolutely worst movie Ihave ever seen was "The Judas Project".
Horrible beyond words.
Rx
Joe McMahon
> Ator: The Fighting Eagle
>??????????
> This the movie where Kathy Ierland falls into a hole in the earth. It's
>only redeming quality is Kathy Ierland in short shorts. If I knew the name,
>it would be #1, the shorts didn't save the film.
Alien from L.A. Also bad, but not that bad.
---Joe "And the next expression? Dull surprise!" M.
Powdered Toast Man
> This the movie where Kathy Ierland falls into a hole in the earth. It's
>only redeming quality is Kathy Ierland in short shorts. If I knew the name,
>it would be #1, the shorts didn't save the film.
I SAW THIS ONE! It was the 3rd of four total MST3K movies I have ever seen!
That of course was only because they played it on MTV, and those krunkholes
at Dimension Cable STILL won't give us our bloody Comedy Central!
I remember it because everyone seemed to be Australian in that movie.
--
__o | Powdered Toast Man <toas...@armory.com> | _ o
_-\_<, | <25...@ef.gc.maricopa.edu> | |<)_/#
(*)/'(*) | I almost met Elvis once, but my shovel broke. :) | TT <T
Powdered Toast Man
Joseph Bay <b...@eden.rutgers.edu> wrote:
:Vijay Ramanujan <Vijay.R...@umich.edu> writes:
:
:>Natural Born Killers - the worst movie I have ever seen. Period. No, I
:>don't mean a really bad movie that I have seen recently. I mean, ask me
It was a bit too much like MTV for me, in that it had a bunch of really
abstract stuff that didnt I understand and brian go squish and ooze out me ear
mine. Head my on tight conrete solid is good abstract bad helium enema funny
im beabling but I can still spell. *POP* I'm better now.
The sitcom part was cool. And what i did understand I liked, as long as they
didn't use the liquid television and the weird camera black and white then
color and I thought they were in a car not in orbit around Mars and oh ouch me
brane is turning into a weener... I got like this when I read that Puritan
poetry in high school too.
:Really? I liked it. In fact, I saw it twice. Once this weekend, in
:fact. Then I watched Cheers tonight, and when Woody went upstairs to
:Melville's to tell Rebecca that Robin was on the phone, I thought he was
:going to pull out a shotgun and kill everybody! But he didn't. Oh well.
:Poor Kelly! Mallory would kick her ass!
Yeah, it did have that "Woody is a killer" thing that made the whole damn
thing worthwhile. "Woody, could you fill up the pretzel bowls for me?" "Fill
THIS, Miss Howe! :slash:" Unfortunately when I saw it, Channel 15 didn't
show any episodes with lots of Woody in it for a while.
Jordan Chodorow
This posting should prove Mike's point about my inability to excerpt from
others' postings -- chalk it up to computer illiteracy and an
eight-year-old PC clone. (Though why he referred to me as "babe" I don't
know -- I thought we were getting along fine.) I have nothing to say
about "Invasion from Inner Earth." I just wanted to comment on the
posting nominating "They Live!" as a runner-up on a worst-ever list.
Talk about different strokes. First of all, it's called "They Live" or
"John Carpenter's They Live," though I tend toward the former. (Though
try finding "Berry Gordy's the Last Dragon" in the L's next time you go
video shopping.) Would Carpenter be so obvious as to use an exclamation
point? Normally he probably would, but this film is rather unlike the
majority of his oeuvre.
It's a dirt-cheap movie starring Roddy Piper -- yes, the wrestler -- as a
drifter who talks his way into a construction job and hears some strange
noises emanating from a dwelling across the street, where the loud and
ominous black street preacher retires when he's done for the day. There's
a nice scene near the beginning, which sets the mood perfectly. It shows
Piper with about a hundred other street types on a large lot, where a
smiling woman serves them rationed portions of food and continues to smile
when Piper asks for more. As he tries to find a place to eat, we see the
makeshift shelters and sleeping arrangements the people have constructed,
and a great many television sets with poor reception -- a station nearby
seems to interfere with all the others and to know exactly what it's
doing.
All of this leads to the scene in which Piper's curiosity gets the best of
him and he walks nonchalantly across the street to the generic-looking
dwelling with the church music and the raised, insistent voices. He sees
strange writing on a wall -- "They Live We Sleep" -- and finds a box
containing several pairs of sunglasses. And when he puts on the
sunglasses and walks down the streets of downtown Los Angeles (in a scene
that will spook you while you watch it and haunt you afterward), he sees,
let's just say, what some people are really made of.
It's a witty movie, keenly observed, with a lot on its mind. When Piper
tries to convince his friend (Keith David) to put on the sunglasses, and
David refuses, they get into a rough-and-tumble fistfight (Piper appears
to have a thing for staged bouts) that goes on for a good while. It's a
well-directed fight, and we understand Piper's motivation for it -- we've
worn the sunglasses; we know it's some serious shit -- and yet the first
time I saw the movie the length of the scene made me uncomfortable (I was
ready to move on). But Carpenter, who is holding our heads up to the
worst aspects of the Reagan 80s, knows what he's doing; the whole movie
challenges us, and the fight scene challenges our linear notion of
cinematic progression. It's as though we were watching a television set,
with eyes glazed over, waiting for the commercials, and Carpenter told us
to sit up straight and pay attention. It's not clear why Carpenter should
be the one to perform this sort of societal lobotomy, but whoever does it
-- it may as well be him -- is entitled to a little earnestness. In
David's resistance to the sunglasses is our collective face-covering, our
narrowly defined family values, our compulsive consumerism, our refusal to
question authority. It's not going to go away quickly. In "Natural Born
Killers," Oliver Stone (who might list his profession as finding something
to feel passionately about every eighteen months or so) hammers us over
the head; in "They Live," John Carpenter shakes us by the ears and gives us
a new pair of glasses.
- jordan
Joshua Klugman
> an excellent review of "They Live."
Hey Jordan, I really liked your review of They Live. You did a great
job of explaining that long and tedious fight scene, but I think when
you get down to it, it was just an out-of-place Hollywoodish element
put there either to please some studio executives or to please filmgoers.
The movie's really great, but I leave the room out of sheer boredom
when that scene begins.
BTW, the soundtrack is excellent.
Joshua Klugman
Northwestern University, Evanston, IL. USA
jtk...@lulu.acns.nwu.edu
Mike D'Angelo
>
>This posting should prove Mike's point about my inability to excerpt from
>others' postings -- chalk it up to computer illiteracy and an
>eight-year-old PC clone. (Though why he referred to me as "babe" I don't
>know -- I thought we were getting along fine.)
I meant this in a friendly way, of course. And we are getting along fine; I
think you're wrong about NAKED, but you agree with me about the evil known as
CLERKS, so it all seems to balance out in the end.
I didn't think highly of THEY LIVE as a film, but this scene is probably one of
my ten or twenty favorite scenes in *any* film. I think the film is worth a
rental, for those who've not yet seen it, just to see this one scene (and maybe
the ten-minute-long fistfight, which for me at least went on so long that it
became hysterically funny). To tell you the truth, I've forgotten most of the
details of the film since I saw it in, what, 1988?--but I've never forgotten
those sunglasses. I wish this premise had been put to better use than in THEY
LIVE. (It's in second place in my "Wow-that-*could*-have-been-brilliant!"
sweepstakes, behind 1987's THE BEDROOM CURTAIN, a film with a premise that I
think Hitchcock could have turned into a masterpiece, and that anyone with the
presence of mind to cast someone other than Steve Guttenberg in the lead could
have made into a compelling entertainment.)
Mike D'Angelo
Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
"You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You
choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting...When you're
telling these little stories, here's a good idea: Have a point. It makes it so
much more interesting for the listener." --Steve Martin, PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOS
GORDON WELLS
>From: cef...@rs6000.cmp.ilstu.edu (Christopher E. Forman)
>Subject: Re: Worst Movie *Ever*
>Date: Wed, 30 Nov 1994 01:53:10 GMT
Worst flick ever? Have any of you gone to see "Low Down Dirty
Shame" yet? A friend dragged me along. It was R A N C I D. Porno-grade
acting, choppy editing (conversations seem like they were filmed days apart,
etc.) and Ugh! CRAP! It was really stunning that a major motion picture
could be so poor.
I saw The Professional (not The Specialist, thank you, I have
standards -- usually) to get the taste of "Shame" out of my mouth. The
flick wasn't half bad. If you liked La Femme Nikita you'll dig The Pro.
Incidentally, the main character in The Pro is played by the same guy (Jean
Blahblahsomething) who played the cleaner in Luc's other cool movie,
Nikita. Has Luc Besson (sp?) done anything else cool? I keep hearing that
Pro is only his second film but that doesn't seem right to me.
e-me baby!
G o r d o n
Jody O'halloran u
nha...@sallie.wellesley.edu
Wasn't _Manos: The Hands of Fate_ on Mystery Science Theater 3000?
I swear I've seen it before. You know, almost any MST 3K movie could be
added to the "worst movie" list.
I think the worst movie ever was _Bram Stoker's Dracula_.
Bad acting and cheesy camera effects. Anyone else agree?
-- Melanie Orndorff.
Martin H. Booda
films. "The Passenger", with the sublime torpor of its closing scene, where
Nicholson takes several minutes to die of (plot-induced) boredom while the
cameraman apparently engages in a bit of impromptu tai-chi, springs to mind.
--
USENET:Artifact Creature, Casting Cost 1B. Summon Net. 10/2, Rampage: 3. Swamp-
walk,Trample,Regeneration,Lure,First Strike.Gains 2 pts of power for each point
of black mana. Negates banding and protection of all creatures in play. Text:
"Legend has it that the Net used to be nastier,but how could that be?"Martin H.
Booda(bo...@navo.navy.mil)|"Back off, man. I'm a scientist." -- Dr. P. Venkman
Alex A Goddard
talent. Trashy, smutty, badly acted and boring.
Alex
Damian Penny
--
DAMIAN PENNY MEMORIAL UNIVERSITY OF NEWFOUNDLAND
------...@ganymede.cs.mun.ca------
"When you get up in the morning, swallow a live frog. Then, nothing
worse can happen to you for the rest of the day." -Anon.
Nancy McGough
>My answer to that: THE DOORS. I can't think of a more pretentious, moronic
>piece of dreck.
I actually liked The Doors, mainly because of Val Kilmer, certainly
not because of Oliver Stone.
My vote for worst movie is "Cool World" - I could feel my brain
atrophying while watching that one.
-Nancy
--
/\_/\
( o.o ) Nancy McGough <URL:http://www.jazzie.com/ii/>
> ^ < Infinite Ink <URL:ftp://ftp.halcyon.com/pub/ii>
Heljar Grimstad
Roger Rabbit. But this wasn`t even close. The visual effects was lousy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heljar Grimstad The inspector is dead, murdered
(grim...@oslonett.no) and somebody`s responsible
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mordea
: ??????????
: This the movie where Kathy Ierland falls into a hole in the earth. It's
: only redeming quality is Kathy Ierland in short shorts. If I knew the name,
: it would be #1, the shorts didn't save the film.
That would be "Alien from LA". I saw it on MST3 a couple of weeks
ago. I don't think that anyone who has seen it would argue too
passionately that it didn't earn a place near the top of the "Bad Movies"
list.
I just wonder how much helium Ireland had to suck down in the course
of her role.....
Mordea
--
"Alright! Alright! Let them eat PIE!" |-----|
-Marie Antoinette, last words | X |
|-----|
Joe Rumsey
> That would be "Alien from LA". I saw it on MST3 a couple of weeks
>ago. I don't think that anyone who has seen it would argue too
>passionately that it didn't earn a place near the top of the "Bad Movies"
>list.
> I just wonder how much helium Ireland had to suck down in the course
>of her role.....
None. She actually has a much higher voice than in that movie, they
did some kind of digital processing to make it possible for
non-canines to hear her.
--
(3-D .Sig) (3-D .Sig)_ (3-D .Sig) _ (3-D .Sig) _
/\ /~` /~) /_ /\ /~` /~) /_ /\ /~` /~) /_ /\ /~` /~) /_
\/ \_) \~\ \_ _\/ \_) \~\ \_ _\/ \_) \~\ \_ _\/ \_) \~\ \_
@netcom.com / / @netcom.com | | @netcom.com \ \ @netcom.com
oe Rumsey /_/ Joe Rumsey |_| Joe Rumsey \_\ Joe Rumsey
Hiski Haapoja
>You know, I finally saw "Interview With The Vampire" (and had more sympathy
>Being a vampire must be a really putrid way to spend eternity.
>Sleep all day, party all night, never grow old and never die. Yeah. And?
>Never die, never LIVE. It's someone else's blood, someone else's life.
>You'll never make love again and feel it.
Don't trust the antiseptic movies of the puritanical, AIDS-scared Nineties.
Instead see the hedonistic vampire documents by Hammer Films. I recently
saw The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1969), a very interesting study on
young Victorian girls killing their fathers to _join_ Count D (Christopher
Lee) in revelry. Dracula AD 1972 offers a similar theme in contemporary
setting, but if memory serves the social analysis wasn't as good.
For fans of Lesbian vampires, there is the Karnstein trilogy (Lust for a
Vampire, Twins of Evil and one whose name escapes me at the moment),
great art if you can accept the cast and surroundings being Austrian
(Carinthian, to be exact).
Jordan Chodorow
Thanks for the nice words.
I agree that the fight scene is not my favorite scene in movie history,
but a lot of people who liked the rest of the movie trashed it. For me,
the worst aspect of the movie was the whole Meg Foster storyline. The
fight scene conveys both the difficulty of overcoming the sort of blissful
ignorance Keith David represents, and the importance of doing so. It's
where Carpenter puts his heart on his sleeve, and the earnestness is
somehow winning. Do me a favor and reconsider next time you watch it?
- jordan
John William Kuthe
Heljar Grimstad <grim...@oslonett.no> wrote:
>I vote for Cool World. This is a movie that tried to be as popular as
>Roger Rabbit. But this wasn`t even close. The visual effects was lousy.
I take exception to this! At least Cool World had Kim Basinger in it! And I
rather liked the whole movie besides that, 'cause at least it didn't take
itself too damned seriously.
Anyone ever see a really bad B-flick called Love Camp? It's an awful demi-porn
thing I saw on Showtime (they're great for this genre), and involves some
lovely asian babe as The Chosen One or some such tripe, and she runs this
commune type place where everyone is supposed to learn from her superior sexual
prowess, but she's the most self-involved, ennui-laden soul I've ever seen,
and except for a nice set of tits, I don't know why anyone thinks she has
'superior sexual prowess'. It's a great flick to lambaste, especially the final
scene where The Chosen One's camp has been infiltrated and polluted by the
outside world, so she decides that all the Love Campers will commit suicide
(Jim Jones anyone?), but she has this huge pile of dynamite and is going to
blow everyone up, and she announces that she wants everyone to go out while
experiencing the ultimate sexual feelings, so they all orgy while the
soundtrack blares this really horrible song that just repeats over and over
"This is the eeeeeend, this is the eeeeend" and then BOOM!
Used to have it on tape, just for a little requisite sefl-abuse every once in a
while.
--
John Kuthe, aka jw...@cec.wustl.edu, St. Louis, MO.
First Job of Government: Protect people from govermment.
Second Job of Government: Protect people from each other
It must *never* be the job of government to protect people from themselves.
#include <stddisclaimer.h> (stolen without permission from someone)
Quisp&Quake
which are just plain bad because of lack of money and lack of talent,
examples that come to mind would be Plan 9 from Outer Space and Manos:
Hands of fate. Then there are the bad movies made by big hollywood
studios who have plenty of cash and supposedly plenty of talent but the
product is often worse than the $500 bad movie. So my nomination for the
worst movie ever made with a budget larger than 10 million dollars goes
to Exit to Eden, my runner-up would have to be Throw Momma from the train.
Ralph
Gardner S Trask
>Then there are the bad movies made by big hollywood
>studios who have plenty of cash and supposedly plenty of talent but the
>product is often worse than the $500 bad movie. So my nomination for the
>worst movie ever made with a budget larger than 10 million dollars goes
>to Exit to Eden, my runner-up would have to be Throw Momma from the train.
>Ralph
Nah, I vote for the Sylvester Swartzenwannabe film "Paradise Alley". Not
only was it chock full o' has-beans. But you got to hear Slyboy Himself
sing the closing credits. Almost as bad as the movie he sang in with
Dolly Pardonthese.
Gard
--
---------------------------------------------------
| Gardner S. Trask III MPower the people |
| tr...@world.std.com |
---------------------------------------------------
Jon Evans
> Everyone seems to forget the true awfulness of Jack Nicholson's early
>films. "The Passenger", with the sublime torpor of its closing scene, where
>Nicholson takes several minutes to die of (plot-induced) boredom while the
>cameraman apparently engages in a bit of impromptu tai-chi, springs to mind.
Actually, there is some fairly subtle stuff going on in this movie, and
especially this scene, but I too lost interest about halfway through and
watched the rest in a drowsy stupor. A film guru told me about all the
neat-o subtext and such.
Jon
Eric Gross
Joe Bay
>Nah, I vote for the Sylvester Swartzenwannabe film "Paradise Alley". Not
>only was it chock full o' has-beans. But you got to hear Slyboy Himself
^^^^^^^^^
Like coffee beans, only juicier.
gjmc...@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu
> Vijay Ramanujan <Vijay.R...@umich.edu> writes:
>
>
>>Natural Born Killers - the worst movie I have ever seen. Period. No, I
>>don't mean a really bad movie that I have seen recently. I mean, ask me
>
> fact. Then I watched Cheers tonight, and when Woody went upstairs to
> Melville's to tell Rebecca that Robin was on the phone, I thought he was
> going to pull out a shotgun and kill everybody! But he didn't. Oh well.
> Poor Kelly! Mallory would kick her ass!
well, I agree with the first opinion posted. It takes more than blood
and two near gods on a soundtrack (Cohen and Dylan) to make a movie
entertaining. It takes more than saying the word fate 113 times to make a movie
intelliget. It only takes Oliver Stone to make a movie complete bullshit
Jim Plasencia
>>don't mean a really bad movie that I have seen recently. I mean, ask me
> well, I agree with the first opinion posted. It takes more than blood
> and two near gods on a soundtrack (Cohen and Dylan) to make a movie
> entertaining. It takes more than saying the word fate 113 times to make
a movie
> intelliget. It only takes Oliver Stone to make a movie complete bullshit
It certainly wasn't a movie for everyone and the violence was a bit
over-the-top, but I really couldn't say it was "THE WORST MOVIE EVER
MADE." I loved the way it jabbed at the media's superhype mentality. I
also liked the fact that it was done in such a boldly original style;
again maybe a little over-the-top but the fact that a major director would
even attempt it should be commended and encouraged amid today's overly
predictable and money-grubbing studio output.
James Parsons
>tr...@world.std.com (Gardner S Trask) writes:
>
>>Nah, I vote for the Sylvester Swartzenwannabe film "Paradise Alley". Not
>>only was it chock full o' has-beans. But you got to hear Slyboy Himself
> ^^^^^^^^^
>
>Like coffee beans, only juicier.
>
>
>
>--
>"There is much more to this demented post, than this paragraph."
> -- Andrew Beckwith "Grate spirits have always encountered violint
In other words "people whose spirits like shredding cheese always encounter
lint from violins"?
> opposition from mediocer minds" -- A. Einstein
>"Without trolling, the Internet wouldn't be where it is today" --John Yeung
If you're gonna be a smart ass, you've got to be smart.
(sorry, that was unneccesary. flame off.)
James
--
______________________________________________________________________________
"There's still time to change the road you're on..."
"It's time to sling my bags off of this overburdened horse, sink my
toes into the ground, and chart a different course."
Eli Balin
Brian Anzalone <doo...@nevada.edu> wrote:
>I think we are all looking for films that fit under a
>different description than "bad movies"
>
>We are all pointing out a much more interesting phenomenon.
>We are pointing out "bad movies that were meant to be good"
>
>Some movies are no fun to make fun of. They were done tongue in
>cheek or they were done badly for economic, artistic, or reasons
>such as these. Some movies have no excuse.
>
>My personal pick?
>
>
>Gettysburg.
>
>
>It has to be the worst and longest film I have ever seen.
>
"The Fountainhead," starring Gary Cooper. This may well be the funniest
film I know of.
Eli Balin believes that people in the Civil War really did make rousing
speeches all the time, just like they did in "Gettysburg."
--
===========================================================================
| E. M. Balin (elib...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu): If sanity, reason, and |
| common sense aren't working, I might just have an answer that will. |
===========================================================================
Gardner S Trask
>In article <3c838s$7...@er7.rutgers.edu>, Joe Bay <b...@er7.rutgers.edu> wrote:
>>tr...@world.std.com (Gardner S Trask) writes:
>>
>>>Nah, I vote for the Sylvester Swartzenwannabe film "Paradise Alley". Not
>>>only was it chock full o' has-beans. But you got to hear Slyboy Himself
>> ^^^^^^^^^
>>
>>Like coffee beans, only juicier.
>>
>>
>>
>>--
>>"There is much more to this demented post, than this paragraph."
>> -- Andrew Beckwith "Grate spirits have always encountered violint
> ^^^^^ ^^^^^^^
>In other words "people whose spirits like shredding cheese always encounter
>lint from violins"?
No, you mis-read. vio-lint is the by-product of the "evil Dryer form Hell
Planet 9". Fortunatly the guy from the MayTag commercials is working on a
weapon to thwart this evil as we speak.
Eli Lehrer
it is actually a lot of fun to watch. Nothing can be really bad and
entertaining. Realizing that a film (Speed, Towering Inferno) can be pretty good
without attempting to serve any higher purpose, it does not seem unreasonable
to think that mindlessness does not necessarily make a film bad. So long as a
director is aware that his movie will not acomplish anything great, he/she can
still turn it into something that is worthwhile.
What produces a really bad film is when a director brings heavy moral or
philosophical pretensions to subject material that does not deserve them.
Ishtar, Heaven's Gate and Dr. Doolittle all come to mind. I suspect that the
recent Kappa Nui (Cost $25 million, was so bad that it never recived national
release) would also fit into this category. These are the truly bad movies.
--
<< Eli Lehrer >>
<<e...@ripco.com>>
<<ea...@ripco.com>>
Joe Bay
>>"Without trolling, the Internet wouldn't be where it is today" --John Yeung
>If you're gonna be a smart ass, you've got to be smart.
>--------
>"It's time to sling my bags off of this overburdened horse, sink my
>toes into the ground, and chart a different course."
Gee, nice split infinitive, D00D!
By the way, what's "trolling" mean?
Joe Bay
Request Reply: Yes
--
"There is much more to this demented post, than this paragraph."
-- Andrew Beckwith "Grate spirits have always encountered violint
Nate Smith
*Passenger 57*
nate
Brian Higgins
> >In article <3bnk2h$h...@er6.rutgers.edu>,
> >Joseph Bay <b...@er6.rutgers.edu> wrote:
> >>mci...@scws4.harvard.edu (Matt McIrvin) writes:
> >>
> >>>I'd *love* to see MST3K do _Invasion from Inner Earth_, particularly
> >>>the gripping ham radio scene.
> >> ^^^^^^^^ ^^^
> >>
> >>This is rather disgusting.
> >>
> >What's so disgusting about Grippingham?
>
>
> Your question brings to mind many old memories of my time spent at
> Grippingham Manor. Lord Grippingham had fallen on hard times, but of
> course he had to maintain his title and property. The image of
> prosperity above all, you know. Anyhow, to cover the many debts he had
> accrued gambling on midget bloodsports, he had consigned the majority of
> his land to a pork rendering plant. Ah, to think of the fragrance of
> simmering fat on a midsummer morning! Most expedient, I might say, in
> clearing the digestive tracts. Now the lady Grippingham, you see, had a
> most unfortunate allergy to hair, and was entirely bald. This would not
> have been so bad had she not been as corpulent as she was, and if not for
> her alarming fixation on candied locusts, which she would stuff her mouth
> with without pause. Her almost complete lack of teeth made this a rather
> unique auditory experience, especially in the wee hours of the morning.
> A stipulation in one of the late elder Grippingham's wills made certain
> that the family's reknowned goatherds were able to roam freely throughout
> the manor, and rumors abounded regarding the domestic staff's actions
> toward these denizens. And could I forget to mention the habits of Lord
> Grippingham himself, when confronted with the nests of rodents who were
> always to be found in the bathtubs and bidets of Grippingham Manor, in
> spite of the ravenous appetite of the caretaker. Ah, such memories!
> Your question does indeed make me ponder: What _is_ so disgusting about
> Grippingham?
I think this perception stems from the now-infamous "radio scene," when Lady
Grippingham was filmed by PBS while doing an NPR interview. Not only could
people all across America _hear_ her gumming her candied locusts that evening,
but when PBS later aired "The Decline of Grippingham," you could actually see
the candied locust drool running down her chin.
That kind of thing is hard to get out of your mind.
|~!@#$%^&*()_+|~!@#$%^&|
B - "White knuckles" - H
|+_)(*&^%$#@!~|+_)(*&^%|
Simbi
> Plan 9 From Outer Space is _not_ the worst film of all time. It is so bad that
> it is actually a lot of fun to watch.
"The Evil Dead" was such a really rotten horror film that I actually ended
up enjoying it. It's my opinion that the directors thought they were really
making a scary movie but the amaturish special effects turned it into a gut
busting comedy for me.
--
"When your heart is open to others it laughs and it cries.
When your heart is closed to others it atrophies and dies"
Kimball Bishop
Simbi ^^^ ^^^
O(o) (o)O
(. .)
O
Alex A Goddard
: "The Evil Dead" was such a really rotten horror film that I actually ended
: up enjoying it. It's my opinion that the directors thought they were really
: making a scary movie but the amaturish special effects turned it into a gut
: busting comedy for me.
...though the "tree raping woman" scene crosses all boundaries of taste.
Alex
Joe Rumsey
>In article <D0Jxr...@rci.ripco.com>, e...@ripco.com (Eli Lehrer) wrote:
>> Plan 9 From Outer Space is _not_ the worst film of all time. It is so bad that
>> it is actually a lot of fun to watch.
>"The Evil Dead" was such a really rotten horror film that I actually ended
>up enjoying it. It's my opinion that the directors thought they were really
>making a scary movie but the amaturish special effects turned it into a gut
>busting comedy for me.
When you see Evil Dead II, and Army of Darkness(which is Evil Dead
3, just doesn't say so) you realize the humor in the first one *must*
be intentional. Those three movies are the best comedy-horror trilogy
ever.
--
Oh? grrrr!
Mary Rose Campbell
: I think there are 2 types of bad movies, the first being the $500 movies
My nomination is for "Less Than Zero." A friend talked me into going. Half
way through the movie I fell asleep and woke up thinking I was in (or wishing
I was in) a physics lecture. On the way out, the only good thing either one
of us could say about the movie was that we had gone to the 4:15 show and
therefore didn't pay full price.
mrc
Jeff Kerr
Jeff
V.S. Kumaraswamy
Riduculous story with plot holes big enough to fly a jumbo jet through. Sean
Connery coming back to life, coming from Zeist ...ARRRRGH
Sagar
--
I shall make thee king and thy name shall be sung in the vaults of
heaven for a thousand years
Eli Balin
Jeff Kerr <jk...@harley.fcmr.forestry.ca> wrote:
>How much did Highlander 2 cost to make? Now _that_ sucked.
Heck, I doubt it cost anything. It was probably produced on one of those
"Send in five box-tops from Okra-licious cereal" deals.
--
===========================================================================
| E. M. Balin (elib...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu): It then dawned on me that |
| although I had been speaking for quite some time, I hadn't the faintest |
| idea what I was talking about. "Well then," I stated, in the vain hope |
| of breaking the tension, "there!" |
===========================================================================
Ted Nutter
I can't think of a movie that made me feel like
walking out like NBK did.
I bet the story was actually good since Q.T.
wrote it, too bad they didn't get John Woo
to direct it as a straight action movie.
Regards,
Ted
* My views are my own *
bber...@cc.memphis.edu
NBK. Grossed me out!
Of course, my views are my own, too.
Samm
oF COUR
NKBK
NBK...I was grossed out!!! I don't need that kind of "reality".that they'd walked out o
Joe
>>How much did Highlander 2 cost to make? Now _that_ sucked.
>Heck, I doubt it cost anything. It was probably produced on one of those
>"Send in five box-tops from Okra-licious cereal" deals.
You misspelled "Oprah". Hope this helps!
Joe Bay
Life is like a box of Oprah . . .
Robert J. Pease
..
..
I recall a movie called "Hell in Korea" eith Richard Atenborough.
Walked out after a half hour.
It was about guys shooting artillery and talking about things that
didnt make sense.. no action.. no plot.
Herschel A Gelman
>You misspelled "Oprah". Hope this helps!
>
>Joe Bay
>Life is like a box of Oprah . . .
. . . you never know how many chocolates will be left once she's
finished with 'em.
--
Herschel wishes they gave out boxes of chocolates instead of final exams.
--
---------------- Herschel Gelman ----------- hag...@pitt.edu -----------------
Ron Drake
Closet Land
Invasion of the Rock Aliens (Pia Zadora, Ruth Gordon, Jermaine Jackson)
Glen Or Glenda (Ed Wood before he caught anything resembling a clue)
Terror Of Tinytown
--
************************************************************
"There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."
--Scott Adams
************************************************************
Hiski Haapoja
>I recall a movie called "Hell in Korea" eith Richard Atenborough.
>Walked out after a half hour.
>It was about guys shooting artillery and talking about things that
>didnt make sense.. no action.. no plot.
It was originally called "A Hill in Korea" but someone wanted to make
it more commercial. One edition of Leslie Halliwell's encyclopedia
contains an article on such cases.
For the pure in heart: http://www.uta.fi/~trhiha
#Suomalainen ihminen on pieni ja hento.# (Karoliina Nivari)
Tempest
>From: agod...@uoguelph.ca (Alex A Goddard)
>Subject: Re: Worst Movie *Ever*
>Date: 11 Dec 1994 17:26:11 GMT
That's what made it a cult classic, eh! :)
I read somewhere that Raimi was a big fan of The Three Stooges....
Stooge slapstick and gore do mix well don't they?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
:) A smily a day keeps the flamers away :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian Eirik Coe
Heljar Grimstad <grim...@oslonett.no> wrote:
>I vote for Cool World. This is a movie that tried to be as popular as
>Roger Rabbit. But this wasn`t even close. The visual effects was lousy.
I'll second, third and even fourth that! I can't beleive that this ever
made it to the screen, much less got some decent actors in it. (I'm sure
Brad Pitt deletes this from his resume). I still kick myself for seeing
this at full price, and dragging two freinds to boot!
--
Brian Eirik Coe * "The hotel of your mind has many vacancies"
Optometrist-in-Training * -Yakko Warners Fortune Cookie
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" -The Brain, Animaniacs
"It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent." -Q, ST:TNG
Aario Sami
Nate Smith
>
>Worst movie ever..."Zandelei" (sp). What a waste of Nicholas Cage's
>talent. Trashy, smutty, badly acted and boring.
>Alex
You really think this is the *worst*?
that's nuts.
KYONG LEE
Ishtar.
Nuff said.
Kyong Il Lee
arie robbemond
mi...@aslvx1.sugar-land.anadrill.slb.com
Ishtar was an excellent comedy!
How about ACE VENTURA, PET DETECTIVE?
P.U.!!!!
Trish Rucker
>ma...@CAM.ORG (Matt Friedman) writes:
>>My answer to that: THE DOORS. I can't think of a more pretentious, moronic
>>piece of dreck.
>I actually liked The Doors, mainly because of Val Kilmer, certainly
>not because of Oliver Stone.
I thought THE DOORS was a badly flawed film (the pacing was pretty
terrible), but Val Kilmer's performance was wonderful. I also felt
the film captured the feel of that time period really well. (Not
to mention the soundtrack . . . )
--
PLEASE NOTE: Until Jan. 1995, I will have limited time to
spend on Internet. I will answer all personal
e-mail in the New Year. Happy Holidays!
**************************************************************
Trish Rucker Writing and Editing
Internet: tri...@mind.ORG Tutoring (literature and
Atlanta, GA composition, ESL, developmental
studies, test preparation - SAT,
Regent's Test, GRE)
**************************************************************
--
mind.org 404/659-5720 404/521-0445 Public Access Unix in Atlanta
Trish Rucker
>In article <3c37fv$3...@nntp.Stanford.EDU>, jcho...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Jordan Chodorow) writes:
>LIVE. (It's in second place in my "Wow-that-*could*-have-been-brilliant!"
>sweepstakes, behind 1987's THE BEDROOM CURTAIN, a film with a premise that I
>think Hitchcock could have turned into a masterpiece, and that anyone with the
>presence of mind to cast someone other than Steve Guttenberg in the lead could
>have made into a compelling entertainment.)
Mike,
Wasn't it called THE BEDROOM WINDOW? (I'm not sure.) I agree with
you, though - it was such a great premise for a film, and I thought
Elizabeth McGovern and Isabelle Huppert were really good. Who directed
it? It would have been interesting to see someone with a "tougher"
cinematic style (i.e. John Dahl or Tarantino) film the same basic
story.
BTW, I always enjoy reading your insights about film.
Trish