Kremvax
Joel K. Furr
Can anyone recall if it was ever determined who authored and posted the
great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
--
Joel Furr(ian): "Armenian" crook/criminal/wacko. Big Kahuna of alt.fan.lemurs.
Moderator of alt.folklore.suburban and comp.society.folklore. Co-moderator of
alt.humor.best-of-usenet. King of alt.config. Purveyor of cool net.collectibles.
Will create newsgroups for food. URL: http://www.duke.edu/~jfurr/index.html
Erik Johannessen
> Can anyone recall if it was ever determined who authored and posted the
> great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
You'll find the original article and an article from the
real author on ftp.funet.fi in /pub/doc/fun/misc/cher...@kremvax.gz
-Erik
Matthias Neeracher
> Can anyone recall if it was ever determined who authored and posted the
> great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
Piet Beertema, according to the Jargon file. Piet admitted to the hoax a few
weeks after his posting (and a few people found out about it anyway, by
matching Path: headers).
Matthias
Maurizio Loreti
> great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
>From the "jargon file" (prep.ai.mit.edu:pub/gnu/jarg310.txt.gz) :
:kremvax: /krem-vaks/ n. [from the then large number of
{USENET} {VAXen} with names of the form foovax]
Originally, a fictitious USENET site at the Kremlin, announced on
April 1, 1984 in a posting ostensibly originated there by Soviet
leader Konstantin Chernenko. The posting was actually forged by
Piet Beertema as an April Fool's joke. Other fictitious sites
mentioned in the hoax were moskvax and {kgbvax}. This was
probably the funniest of the many April Fool's forgeries
perpetrated on USENET (which has negligible security against them),
because the notion that USENET might ever penetrate the Iron
Curtain seemed so totally absurd at the time.
In fact, it was only six years later that the first genuine site in
Moscow, demos.su, joined USENET. Some readers needed
convincing that the postings from it weren't just another prank.
Vadim Antonov, senior programmer at Demos and the major poster from
there up to mid-1991, was quite aware of all this, referred to it
frequently in his own postings, and at one point twitted some
credulous readers by blandly asserting that he *was* a
hoax!
Eventually he even arranged to have the domain's gateway site
*named* kremvax, thus neatly turning fiction into truth
and demonstrating that the hackish sense of humor transcends
cultural barriers. [Mr. Antonov also contributed the
Russian-language material for this lexicon. -- ESR]
In an even more ironic historical footnote, kremvax became an
electronic center of the anti-communist resistance during the
bungled hard-line coup of August 1991. During those three days the
Soviet UUCP network centered on kremvax became the only
trustworthy news source for many places within the USSR. Though
the sysops were concentrating on internal communications,
cross-border postings included immediate transliterations of Boris
Yeltsin's decrees condemning the coup and eyewitness reports of the
demonstrations in Moscow's streets. In those hours, years of
speculation that totalitarianism would prove unable to maintain its
grip on politically-loaded information in the age of computer
networking were proved devastatingly accurate -- and the original
kremvax joke became a reality as Yeltsin and the new Russian
revolutionaries of `glasnost' and `perestroika' made
kremvax one of the timeliest means of their outreach to the
West.
eijk...@cs.utk.edu
straight from his files:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The original article.........
**********************************************************************
>From cher...@kremvax.UUCP Sun Apr 1 15:02:52 1984
Relay-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83 (MC840302); site mcvax.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 4/1/84 (SU840401); site kremvax.UUCP
Path: mcvax!moskvax!kremvax!chernenko
From: cher...@kremvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.general,eunet.general,net.politics,eunet.politics
Subject: USSR on Usenet
Message-ID: <00...@kremvax.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 1-Apr-84 15:02:52 GMT
Article-I.D.: kremvax.0001
Posted: Sun Apr 1 15:02:52 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 1-Apr-84 12:26:02 GMT
Organization: MIIA, Moscow
Lines: 41
<.....>
Well, today, 840401, this is at last the Socialist Union of Soviet
Republics joining the Usenet network and saying hallo to everybody.
One reason for us to join this network has been to have a means of
having an open discussion forum with the American and European people
and making clear to them our strong efforts towards attaining peaceful
coexistence between the people of the Soviet Union and those of the
United States and Europe.
We have been informed that on this network many people have given strong
anti-Russian opinions, but we believe they have been misguided by their
leaders, especially the American administration, who is seeking for war
and domination of the world.
By well informing those people from our side we hope to have a possibility
to make clear to them our intentions and ideas.
Some of those in the Western world, who believe in the truth of what we
say have made possible our entry on this network; to them we are very
grateful. We hereby invite you to freely give your comments and opinions.
Here are the data for our backbone site:
Name: moskvax
Organization: Moscow Institute for International Affairs
Contact: K. Chernenko
Phone: +7 095 840401
Postal-Address: Moscow, Soviet Union
Electronic-Address: mcvax!moskvax!kremvax!chernenko
News: mcvax kremvax kgbvax
Mail: mcvax kremvax kgbvax
And now, let's open a flask of Vodka and have a drink on our entry on
this network. So:
NA ZDAROVJE!
--
K. Chernenko, Moscow, USSR
...{decvax,philabs}!mcvax!moskvax!kremvax!chernenko
**********************************************************************
And the replies and discussion it evoked:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!harpo!we13!ltuxa!tty3b!mjk Tue Apr 3 00:25:21 1984
This isn't funny.
P.S. I hope you get so much mail in response to this that you're
reading it for a week straight. F**k you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!alcmist Tue Apr 3 07:48:16 1984
chto eto za govno? ya ne veryu to chto ya chitayu v pyervom
aprelye.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From sa...@tjalk.UUCP (Hans van Staveren) Mon Apr 16 00:53:29 1984
Just goes to show that all those hard working customs men
don't capture all the VAXen about to be shipped to our
Communist neighbours.
Now the time has really come for a world.politics
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From e...@kvvax4.UUCP (Esa K Viitala) Tue Apr 3 11:23:02 1984
Re: Now the time has relly come to a world.politics.
Really? Where is Reagan's opener? Does he have a terminal?
(Can he use one? Wargames, perhaps? Encrypted mail?)
As for the real discussions in politics: it was Mr. Chernenko,
not any single member of the Sovjet people, who was allowed
on the net April the 1st. Exactly as one would expect, too.
Let us hear more from you Mr. Chernenko...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!cvl!umcp-cs!deba Wed Apr 4 00:36:58 1984
You have a comment about the American Administration
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From r...@teltone.UUCP (<if you want a different name for postings>) Mon Apr 2 23:40:37 1984
And April Fool to you too, Komrade!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From fi...@ihu1g.UUCP (Bob Fishell) Tue Apr 3 02:56:41 1984
NA ZDAROVJE: possibly Russian for what sort of fool.....??
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From ph...@amd70.UUCP (Phil Ngai) Tue Apr 3 05:45:48 1984
Gee, I thought that every time Russia tried to buy a VAX, customs came
along and filled the boxes with concrete.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!mcnc!duke!phs!susan Thu Apr 5 14:02:28 1984
Welcome! I hope it makes a difference.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ihnp4!inuxc!inuxd!jle Thu Apr 5 14:32:36 1984
get out of our network!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ucbvax!ucbtopaz:bitmap Thu Apr 5 14:33:33 1984
Nice try.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!stcvax!hao!woods Thu Apr 5 14:33:46 1984
I for one am very glad to see Russians on the network. I suspect that
leaders of both sides have done a lot of damage spreading awful tales
about the other side, when in reality the real people of Russia have no
more against Capitalists than I have against Communists (which is nothing
but a little ignorance). Welcome!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!tektronix!teklds!hercules!archiel Thu Apr 5 14:46:02 1984
If this is an April fools joke, which is what I suspect, I'm getting it two
days too late. Nonetheless, I'll play along. It might be interesting to
post some of the more interesting replies in a follow-up. Hmmm, "kgbvax,"
I like that one. Enjoy.
Your message sounds like a prepared speech! We in America are used to
free expression of our opinions on the net. Can you also express your
opinions freely, or will your submissions be checked over for "anti-Soviet"
statements. If your net contact is used as another channel for government-
authored propaganda, not too many of us will be interested in reading your
messages. If, on the other hand, you can offer us "off the cuff" opinions,
some of us might be interested in listening. For example, how do you feel
about Afghanistan? There must be those there who feel about the same way
many of us felt about Vietnam. Is it worth the loss of life?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ihnp4!iwlc6!amigo Thu Apr 5 14:46:31 1984
Welcome to the net.
The reason I am responding to your article is that I am fascinated
by one sentence in it. You say:
>> We have been informed that on this network many people have
>> been given strong anti-Russian opinions, but we believe
>> they have been misguided by their leaders, especially the
>> American administration, who is seeking for war and
>> domination of the world.
If you were to exchange the words "Russian" and "American" in this
sentence, you would have exactly the sort of anti-Russian opinion
you are complaining about.
Many Americans will tend to dismiss your attitude as "typical Soviet
xenophobia," and I warn you that you will manage to persuade very
few people to change their minds (I tried some months ago to do so
on the net, and gave up in disgust).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ihnp4!inuxc!iuvax!isrnix!mr Thu Apr 5 15:03:20 1984
Just throwing a little gasoline on the fire, eh boys??
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!tektronix!teklds!tekmdp!dadla!toc Thu Apr 5 15:03:24 1984
Chernenko:
I'd like to be among the thousands welcoming you guys to the
net. You're going to find quite a bit of whackiness and frenzy
here (do you have wombats in Mother Russia?), but quite a bit
of good honest discussion as well. I'm sure not.politics is
going to have a field day :-)
So let's open a bottle of Wild Turkey and celebrate this (he
says modestly) historical event:
CHEERS!!!
where angels fear to tread,
to'c
(Gosh, does sending this letter put in the files of the CIA & KGB???)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ucbvax!sdcsvax!stan Thu Apr 5 15:06:07 1984
If you receive this, and the network doesn't send back an
'unknown address' message to me, then you may not be kidding around,
pulling everyone's leg.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ihnp4!nwuxd!jab Thu Apr 5 15:06:32 1984
Wow!
Is this for real? Honest-to-god Russia? Gee. I never thought that I'd
see it. Does this imply that Unix is behind the Iron curtain?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!tektronix!tekig!david Thu Apr 5 17:52:52 1984
right.....................
>From decvax!ihnp4!inuxc!inuxh!willcox Thu Apr 5 21:59:18 1984
OK I byte.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!mcnc!duke!phs!webb Thu Apr 5 22:00:31 1984
Welcome! I am looking forward to hearing from you all and getting
a clearer idea of Soviet views, lifestyle, etc. Please feel free
to contribute in spite of any anti-Soviet rhetoric that you may
have read on the net. This really should be a forum for exchange
of thoughts and ideas from people of different races, religions,
and countries.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!mcnc!akgua!glc Thu Apr 5 19:57:27 1984
Greetings,
As a long-time Amateur Radio Operator, I have always found that
person-to-person communication (as opposed to broadcast-against-
broadcast) always seems to lead to better understanding and very
pleasant situations all around. So welcome to this free-for-all
called USENET. We have an interesting cross-section of humanity
here and it will be interesting to see the interactions which
arise when another point of view is presented. You will quickly
learn that many of us have strong opinions on topics we know little
about. So jump on in and enjoy yourself. It will be interesting
to see which newsgroups you wind up participating in.
In terms of a search for "truth", this forum is not the place to
find "ultimate truth". There are many opinions and many differing
points of view. My contention is that the interchange amoungst us
all is the true value received from participation in the network.
Be forewarned that there will be many "flames" against "The
Russians" as the catch-all villan for many topics. May I suggest
you quickly develop a thick skin and don't try to straighten out
every misconception that comes along.
For myself, I find there are too many deplorable actions taken by
too many different nations to try to determine who is a "good guy"
and who is a "bad guy". Our countries are made up of people, and
that means each one is a complex make-up of different attitudes,
different goals, different cultural backgrounds, and different
expectations. But the more we can communicate with one another on
a world-wide scale, the better we can understand each other. This
has been my delight in Amateur Radio, and I expect the same to be
true of computer networks.
Just for your interest, here are the header lines of your article
so that you can see the path it took to arrive here:
Relay-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site akgua.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 4/1/83 (SU840401); site kremvax.UUCP
Path: akgua!mcnc!decvax!mcvax!moskvax!kremvax!chernenko
From: cher...@kremvax.UUCP (K. Chernenko)
Newsgroups: net.general,eunet.general,net.politics,eunet.politics
Subject: USSR on Usenet
Message-ID: <00...@kremvax.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 1-Apr-84 11:02:52 EST
Article-I.D.: kremvax.0001
Posted: Sun Apr 1 11:02:52 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 2-Apr-84 17:48:40 EST
Organization: MIIA, Moscow
Lines: 41
As a friendly comment, may I respond to your statement:
We have been informed that on this network many people have
given strong anti-Russian opinions, but we believe they have
been misguided by their leaders, especially the American
administration, who is seeking for war and domination of the
world.
Perhaps you are not aware, but the standard phrase "misguided by
their leaders...seeking for war and domination of the world" is one of
those things we have heard in those exact words so many times that
it is a subject of humor to our comedians and satirical writers,
especially since it seems to be said by every "super-power" about
every other "super-power". After hearing it repeated so often, it
becomes merely a meaningless phrase which no longer carries any
impact to the listener. This is what I was referring to
earlier: how strong polemics may sometime obscure the reality of a
situation.
For another comment of yours:
And now, let's open a flask of Vodka and have a drink on our
entry on this network. So:
An excellent approach! I would like to participate in a toast to
better understanding and spirited give-and-take amoungst all of us
on the network.
Welcome and Good Luck!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!harpo!seismo!hao!hplabs!ames-lm!al Thu Apr 5 19:57:58 1984
Greetings. Glad you're here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!utcsrgv!dave Thu Apr 5 19:59:45 1984
How cute! Where does this end up, anyway?
(Oh yeah... you forgot net.news.newsite :-) )
>From decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!houxm!hogpc!hou5d!somewhere!stan Thu Apr 5 20:11:10 1984
Very Clever April 1 ........
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!cvl!gyuri Thu Apr 5 22:52:15 1984
This sounds like a joke, but what the heck! Here we go:
Welcome to the world of USENET. First, let me congratulate you on
getting funds approved for your telephone expenses. It must be pretty
expensive to read all this garbage that the net is flooded with every
day. Are you actually typing from the Kremlin? Wow! I didn't think any
information can get out of there without being thoroughly checked,
approved, rechecked and all that, and that can take days! How long, I
wonder will it be before I recieve your response to this mail? You will
respond, won't you?
I used to live in Moscow when I was a young child.
As a matter of fact my family lived on Prospect Mira; you may have
heard of it (excuse the spelling, but my terminal supports only ASCII,
and not RUSCII). Well, if you want to write, send it to:
>From decvax!harpo!zeppo!wheps!mam Thu Apr 5 19:58:52 1984
Welcome! [From an isolated CIA outpost]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From e...@ihuxl.UUCP (Natty Dread ) Wed Apr 4 18:44:17 1984
C'mon, guys. Chernenko on April 1st; as in April Fools' Day;
as in call "Percy Knell" because I don't have the expertise to answer
a question of his.
"Moe! Larry! Cheese! Moe! Larry! Cheese!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From wa...@hao.UUCP (Mike Ward) Tue Apr 3 19:17:00 1984
Is this for real? Can we have confirmation from someone who is
recognized as being in a position to know?
>From no...@down.UUCP (Professor X) Mon Apr 2 20:32:04 1984
I knew there was a path to the Russians on the net! Now at
last we can exchange netnews messages about high school reunions
and our latest cryptoanalytic results. Thank you eversomuch.
Professor X
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From d...@mhuxi.UUCP (GREEN) Tue Apr 3 22:13:01 1984
The posting date was April 1, which is generally what we call "April
Fool's Day". Sometimes good practical jokes are played on that day.
I have a strong feeling that USSR on the net is an April Fool's joke.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From arn...@gatech.UUCP (Arnold Robbins) Tue Apr 3 21:53:36 1984
Hmmm.... I just wonder who 'kgbvax' is.... :-(
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@drutx.UUCP Wed Apr 4 21:06:23 1984
hao!ward asks:
Is this for real? Can we have confirmation from someone who is
recognized as being in a position to know?
It is indeed for real. I am in a position to know (supine).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!bmcg!asgb!devine Fri Apr 6 23:18:57 1984
I want to extend greetings from the west to all you Ruskies ....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!dartvax!joeh Sat Apr 7 00:33:32 1984
Hello! gee, your warm greeting made it all the way up
here to Dartmouth college! (Hanover New Hampshire).
I'm the night operator and don't have any vodca so will
a hot pot of coffee do... Well I better go back to work,
just wanted to say HI and welcome.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!cwruecmp!sundar Sat Apr 7 00:50:52 1984
Today is the April 1 1984, also known as the April Fool's day.
Whose leg you are pulling? :-)
>From decvax!harpo!seismo!hao!hplabs!hp-pcd!jrf Sun Apr 8 01:33:13 1984
Is this a joke?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!decwrl!amd70!fortune!greg Sun Apr 8 01:42:10 1984
We in capitalist America have received your first message and
one simple thought pops into the minds of many a capitalist
computer interfacer such as myself: ARE YOU FOR REAL?
Please reply. We in the "buying is being" world would like to
know for sure if you exist.
Also, how do you get vaxes? From Sweden, or South Africa?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!watmath!deepthot!uwo!reggers Sun Apr 8 14:10:46 1984
I am most pleased to see that our friends in Russia have joined the uucp
network. Greetings (sorry I know no Russian).
You will find the politics in Canada, or at least my politics, much less
strident than many of the articles in usenet originating from the American
Institutions.
I hope for peace and friendly relations with all peoples of the world
and hope that soon the cold war will end.
I am especially concerned with misguided politics which is now raging in
Central America. Peace in Nicaragua, peace in El Salvador, peace in world.
>From r...@entropy.UUCP (Rajiva Chakravarti) Thu Apr 12 10:08:43 1984
That was a nice April Fool's joke! How did you do it?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From gr...@hwcs.UUCP Wed Apr 11 14:44:05 1984
I found this article in extremely poor taste. Usenet is, I thought, for
computing and international conviviality. The presence of Soviet sites
on the net would be an excellent way of promoting these.
The person who fudged this up clearly has access rights to their site's news
facilities. If I worked there I'd be somewhat worried about security.
Is it really beyond the wit of the perpetrator to find an April Fool which
is more than foolish?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From k...@ihuxq.UUCP (ken perlow) Wed Apr 11 00:59:09 1984
>> Is this for real? Can we have confirmation from someone who is
>> recognized as being in a position to know?
War of the Worlds, creationism... Now I understand. The person in
the best "positon to know" is P. T. Barnum. His opinion is in the
public domain.
Kudos to the perpetrator! "moscvax", "kremvax" -- truly inspired!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From g...@hocda.UUCP (G.TOMASEVICH) Thu Apr 12 00:25:25 1984
The path we got is
hocda!houxm!mhuxl!eagle!harpo!decvax!mcvax!moskvax!kremvax!chernenko
If everyone compares paths, we can figure out what machine the perpetrator
used. Who is paying the transatlantic phone bills?
na zdravlja i zivjeli,
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From da...@utcsrgv.UUCP (Dave Sherman) Thu Apr 5 16:42:50 1984
Interesting that whoever did this (well done, by the way!) picked
"vax" as the machine suffix. Don't you know what happens to VAXen
that try to go to the USSR? (They get stopped in Sweden and it makes
headlines in North America.)
(-:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From ra...@utcsrgv.UUCP (Randall S. Becker) Thu Apr 5 22:35:11 1984
Have you ever considered the profession of private investigator?
Good Show!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From i...@fluke.UUCP (Gary Benson) Fri Apr 6 22:26:57 1984
I want to voice my support of those who feel that the "April Fool's" joke
about the USSR on the USENET was bad form. Particularly when it appeared in
what many of us had come to rely on as the authoritative source for nuews
about the network.
Perhaps the perpetrator should be asked to pay all those long-distance phone
bills that resulted when many people (apparently) responded to this article
seriously and with a sense of the beginning of the start of a great
adventure in international communication.
Perhaps that individual should also be informed that April Fool's Day is not
the widespread celebration (?) that we in the US, in our culturo-centric
way, may sometimes think it is.
It looks as if there is at least one fool on this network.
--
>From the ever smiling, .).
ever happy fingers of: V
Gary Benson + +
John Fluke Mfg. Co. ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
!fluke!inc + +
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From bo...@zeus.UUCP (Robert Reed) Sun Apr 8 04:19:36 1984
I can't believe the upset that the April fool's Usenet announcement has
caused. I think I can count myself among the majority at our site who
viewed the obvious fraud with admiration. Did you seriously believe that a
K. Chernenko at moskvax!kremvax really exists? kremvax? moskvax? Come on!
I would like to thank whoever sent it as a good jest, well executed and not
harmful in any way.
--
Robert Reed, Tektronix Logic Design Systems, tektronix!teklds!bobr
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From aj...@ihu1h.UUCP (Jay Mitchell) Sun Apr 15 00:41:00 1984
I cant believe people actually are getting upset over a simple joke. When I
first read the article, I was borderline on believing until I got to the
KGBvax signature. I thought it was very humurous and not at all in bad
taste. It certainly didnt take any more phone costs to post that and
generate reponses than any of the other lame-brain articles one sometimes
reads on the net. It seems that more comments are being generated from a
discussion of the article than the article itself did. And personally, I
believe that anybody (or any culture) who cant find humor in a joke,
whether or not it is April Fools Day, is seriously lacking in personality.
>From da...@infopro.UUCP (David Fiedler) Mon Apr 9 03:14:14 1984
There have been some people who thought that planting of this rather
hilarious piece was somehow in "bad taste", because they genuinely thought
a new era of Soviet-U.S. cooperation was at hand. Perhaps we should take
another look at some of the text of the original posting...
>> We have been informed that on this network many people have given strong
>> anti-Russian opinions, but we believe they have been misguided by their
>> leaders, especially the American administration, who is seeking for war
>> and domination of the world.
>> ...
>> Some of those in the Western world, who believe in the truth of what we
>> say have made possible our entry on this network; to them we are very
>> grateful. We hereby invite you to freely give your comments and opinions.
If this were taken at face value, the meaning could roughly be translated as
follows:
While export to Warsaw Pact countries of advanced computers that
could be used for military purposes, such as the VAX, has been
prohibited, someone in league with us at the Kremlin has procured
one for us [tantamount in this sense to bringing them the plans for
one of our fighters -- DF]. We always knew you foolish capitalists
would sell us the rope to hang you with! The war-mongering Reagan
and all his dupes had better watch out, since we now have access to
Arpanet and could probably break security on every computer on Usenet
as well...after all, you people never *really* thought security was
important, did you?
While I'm as much in favor of TRUE Soviet-American cooperation on all fronts
(including the eventual reduction of arms) as the next person, let's keep a
perspective. Soviet access to the VAX would be a very serious matter, and
just how secure WOULD you feel if the KGB could not only read your postings
(some of which are quite revealing at times) but maybe get into your
system? There ARE security holes, you know...
"That's the biz, sweetheart..."
Dave Fiedler
{harpo,astrovax,philabs}!infopro!dave
P.S. You also might consider that the NSA and CIA have access to the net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From ma...@deepthot.UUCP (David Wiseman) Fri Apr 6 18:55:16 1984
The path we got was
deepthot!watmath!utzoo!linus!philabs!mcvax!moskvax!kremvax
Hmmm...
Comparing that with
>The path we got is
> hocda!houxm!mhuxl!eagle!harpo!decvax!mcvax!moskvax!kremvax!chernenko
>If everyone compares paths, we can figure out what machine the perpetrator
>used. Who is paying the transatlantic phone bills?
> na zdravlja i zivjeli,
> George Tomasevich, AT&T Bell Laboratories
Seems to imply that mcvax itself is the culprit.
--
...!utzoo!uwo!deepthot!watmath!...
! !
magi magi
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From je...@tekecs.UUCP (Jeff Winslow) Sun Apr 8 03:01:45 1984
An open letter to Gary Benson:
Oh, come now! The fact that the article appeared on April Fool's Day
was hardly the only indication it was a joke. kgbvax? kremvax? Chernenko
actually use a terminal? Do you really believe all that? Would you like
to buy some desert land?
The article did exactly what an April Fool's joke is supposed to do -
make a lot of people act like fools, if only for a few minutes. They have
no one but themselves to blame for their gullibility and the phone bills.
But I can understand your (and their) reaction. People hate being made to
look like fools.
To whoever - Congrats for a job well done!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From ri...@daemon.UUCP (Rick Lindsley) Sat Apr 14 09:24:23 1984
Don't bother searching for the Mad Muscovite.
If I had the capability to make a path that included moskvax and kremvax,
would I include MY site name also?
I hope we NEVER find out who did it. Somebody will probably want to
sack him/her for "poor taste", when it was actually quite clever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From de...@sask.UUCP (Derek Andrew) Mon Apr 9 02:39:28 1984
The USSR joins the net article did not arrive here 1 April.
Is there not a convention that jokes that are not obvious
contain the :-) symbol?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From decvax!mcnc!akgua!psuvax!burdvax!sjuvax!rbanerji Tue Apr 10 11:43:59 1984
I am extremely happy at this chance to talk. Let us see where this leads
us. At present this is a private letter to you. If our correspondance
begins to make sense, we shall start posting it.
Your opinions about our government has been as one-sided as some of our
people's opinions of the Russian people and Govenment. Let me tell you
what I think.
As people, there is bound to be some difference between us, because our
cultural and political backgrounds are different. Nobody really knows
how to overcome that. But that really doesnot get in the way of forming
understandings on essential matters and even of personal friendships.
I have successfully straddled two cultures (Indian and American) for
a long time and have friends in many European countries including
Russia.
It is my belief that our Governement is dominated by rich people: but
that most of these rich people donot see themselves as bad or greedy.
There is some self-justifying rationalisation among them (you
probably know about this as a sociologist-psychologist), but many of
them are trying to do good. But they have their perceptions as you
have yours: anbd it is difficult to tell perceptions from truth.
Also, it is true that our political system is extremely tolerant
of dissidence. As a result, when people do wrong things, and
somebody (driven by greed, desire for fame or power, or just plain
goodness) sees fit to start talking about it in public, changes
do take place. Please remember that 30 years ago, your leaders
were fond of ponting to the American Negro as the perennial
downtrodden people of America. To-day a negro is running for
president. You may interpret this any way you please: but the
fact remains that change happens here.
I think that changes happen in Russia also: but the process has to
be slower, because people donot participate as freely. Also,
it is our belief that your Governement is more secretaive. Hence
we are a little worried about their bona fides. When our
governement lies, we can tell. Can you?
I would like you tpo tell me your perceptions; what do you know
about the Korean airliner, for instance? What do you know about
the jews in Russia? What can yopu tell me about our Governemnts faults
(in the US, not abroad - we know about that) that maybe we donot
know about.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@ncsu.UUCP (John Carl Zeigler) Mon Apr 9 17:24:11 1984
Aw, com' on!
If the USSR really had a VAX (after recent
news reports I wont say they don't) do you think they
would broadcast their presence on USENET??? Does
anyone know where nsavax is???? You are just toooooo
paranoid!!!
The article was obviously a prank, from the
subject header on down. The thing that bothers me
are the people who say things like '[using the network
as a reliable source of information.]' HAH.
When any bozo who can type/read can pour
his inner most heartfelt insainites at a moments notice
onto the desks of tens of thousands of the free worlds
most technologically advanced profressionals and
academics, and you call it RELIABLE!!!!!! Gime
a break! Where's the beef! Hey, like you know!
Don't take this thing so seriously, are you may wind
up hanging from the end of a frayed rope (or nerve.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From no...@iuvax.UUCP Mon Apr 9 10:02:54 1984
I agree (that the joke was a good one). It was imaginitive, well-executed, but
could hardly fool anyone. That's the mark of a good joke. It had me going for
the first little bit (not, "This is serious," but, "Is this a joke?"), because
it seemed so sincere. But the reference to the beginning of April was a dead
giveaway, and it was meant to be. Telling someone that the President's been
killed may be a good joke, but letting him believe it and tell others is not.
So you say, "April Fool!" and everybody laughs. That's wat the "perpetrator"
did in this case: by making reference to the silliness that comes over people
around the beginning of April, the author said, "April Fool!" to all of us.
You would have to want to believe such a gesture as a Usenet site in Moscow
so much that you are blinded by it, to miss the giveaway.
As for the appropriateness of the posting to net.general, I would say that
it is perhaps questionable, but I for one answer "yes" to that question.
We're not a bunch of stuffed shirts on Usenet, and I think we can take a
joke. Doesn't the New York Times print an occasional joke in their April 1
issue? Mightn't the Wall Street Journal publish an article like "Bell
Refuses Breakup; May Take Up Arms Against FTC"? And mightn't we laugh
at such a joke? I know I would, and I think many others would besides.
I am sorry to insult the intelligence of people who wrote to moskvax!kremvax,
and I really don't mean to. Like any other joke, some people were slow in
getting this one. They should be good-natured about it, and say, "Ah, yes..
April Fool. I should have been more on my guard, and you can bet I will
be next year!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From dm...@homxa.UUCP (#D.ANDERSON) Mon Apr 9 05:16:38 1984
I felt very gullible. It really had me going. But, I stopped to think, why
not? USENET is getting to be a Worldnet; I just wonder if any of today's
trade/sales restrictions withhold UNIX from the USSR. I'd say that they do,
but does anyone really know? And if not, would anyone be willing to serve
as a Soviet gateway site ... ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From dm...@homxa.UUCP (#D.ANDERSON) Mon Apr 9 05:16:38 1984
I felt very gullible. It really had me going. But, I stopped to think, why
not? USENET is getting to be a Worldnet; I just wonder if any of today's
trade/sales restrictions withhold UNIX from the USSR. I'd say that they do,
but does anyone really know? And if not, would anyone be willing to serve
as a Soviet gateway site ... ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From ste...@hou2g.UUCP (J.STEKAS) Mon Apr 9 20:38:50 1984
The April Fool's day posting from kremvax was the most refreshing
thing I've seen on usenet. To those who ask - "How would you feel
if it came from ciavax or fbivax?" - I wish I had been imaginative
enough to have posted a reply from ciavax!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From nor...@fortune.UUCP (Lance Norskog) Mon Apr 9 23:22:47 1984
Anyone who doesn't immediately recognize the name "N. Chernenko" is
spending too much time reading netnews.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@ut-sally.UUCP (John Quarterman) Mon Apr 9 20:35:56 1984
...and just how secure WOULD you
feel if the KGB could not only read your postings (some of
which are quite revealing at times) but maybe get into your
system? There ARE security holes, you know...
"That's the biz, sweetheart..."
Dave Fiedler
{harpo,astrovax,philabs}!infopro!dave
P.S. You also might consider that the NSA and CIA have access
to the net.
You really think that NSA and CIA can read USENET but KGB can't?
It would only take one tapped phone line somewhere on four continents....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@ccieng5.UUCP (Jens Bernhard Fiederer) Mon Apr 9 20:34:15 1984
Actually, April Fools Day is not as limited as you might think it is....
It is celebrated in Europe as well as in America. I don't know whether
Africans and Asians celebrate it.
>From rid...@ut-sally.UUCP (Prentiss Riddle) Mon Apr 9 22:08:59 1984
>> You really think that NSA and CIA can read USENET but KGB can't? It
>> would only take one tapped phone line somewhere on four continents....
>> -- John Quarterman j...@ut-sally.UUCP
May be, but I'll bet they're more interested in net.sources and
net.unix-wizards than net.politics or net.flame.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From r...@brl-vgr.ARPA (Ron Natalie <ron>) Mon Apr 9 23:07:47 1984
C'mon guys. Do you expect that a letter from Ronald Reagan on the
USENET would be legitimate? Than why did you expect such from the
U.S.S.R?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From r...@brl-vgr.ARPA (Ron Natalie <ron>) Mon Apr 16 00:56:34 1984
Hey guys, I don't know where NSAVAX is, but NSA-11/70 is called TYCHO and
is on IMP 57 on the MILNET.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From vax135!floyd!cmcl2!lanl-a!unm-cvax!nmtvax!perry Wed Apr 11 07:48:47 1984
Dear sir,
I am very glad to see that there is now a Soviet site on the net. Welcome.
I am a computer science major at New Mexico Tech (in nowhere(Socorro), New
Mexico, United States) and am very interested in the Soviet Union,
particularly the people and the Russian language. I am looking forward to
the day when our two countries will get along better. I really can not think
of anything else to type, as I have class in a couple minute, so I will ask
that you reply to this letter somehow. Once again, welcome to the net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From bur...@fortune.UUCP Tue Apr 10 04:11:24 1984
Come on now. Does anyone seriously doubt that Chernenko, who has no
expertise in foreign policy, and probably can't speak, let alone write,
in another language, would post something to the net? That joke was in
good taste. Anyone who feels taken in by that joke should ask him/herself
why the net is so central to his/her life.
I know that's the case with some people. That's why the term nerd applies
to computer people and not to those who spend all weekend watching TV
sports. The real issue is how well rounded people's lives are.
Flamers to /dev/shrink, please.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From fra...@unc.UUCP (Robert France) Tue Apr 10 09:20:58 1984
The USSR without vaxen? USENet a secure environment? Who's the April fool
now?
Anyone who seriously believes that their communications on the nets are not
easily monitored by (a) partisan agents, (b) domestic government `security'
groups, or (c) junior high school students should carefully reconsider the
state and structure of their net. Not that I believe that (a) or (b) are
true -- who would want to monitor this much drivel? On the other hand, the
thought that USENet communications are in any way more secure than ham radio
has, I fear, been shown time and time again to be in vain.
Still, it would be nice to believe that various authoritarian regimes Who Shall
Remain Nameless were wasting their machine cycles on us. Sort of gives you
that warm, looked-after feeling.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From bban...@sjuvax.UUCP Mon Apr 9 09:32:14 1984
>From fluke!inc :
>> I want to voice my support of those who feel that the "April Fool's"
>> joke about the USSR on the USENET was bad form. Particularly when it
>> appeared in what many of us had come to rely on as the authoritative
>> source for nuews about the network.
>>
Come now! It appeared in net.general. Hardly authoritative!
>> Perhaps the perpetrator should be asked to pay all those long-distance
>> phone bills that resulted when many people (apparently) responded to
>> this article seriously and with a sense of the beginning of the start
>> of a great adventure in international communication.
>>
The perpetrator(s) seem to be the people in charge of the uucp
(and usenet?) at either decvax or mcvax. As these are the sites that
usually pay the transatlantic phone bills anyhow; and since they aren't
complaining... why should you. NOTE. I have no concrete evidence for
these assumptions. Someone with write permission for the decvax and
/or mcvax spool directories must have been responsible. It stands to
reason that this was the news/uucp administrator.
>> Perhaps that individual should also be informed that April Fool's Day
>> is not the widespread celebration (?) that we in the US, in our
>> culturo-centric way, may sometimes think it is.
It is my understanding that April Fool's Day is more widespread if
anything in Europe (especially the Netherlands) than in the USA.
Congratulations to whoever responsible. It was a great joke.
BTW, to fluke!inc - Why was your followup in net.general?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From spu...@hplabs.UUCP (Tom Spuhler) Mon Apr 9 22:50:41 1984
I suppose that it would be unlikely that the USSR would, in a day and
age when the US is busily trying to suppress VAX exports to the USSR,
have, or admite to having, two linked to the net....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From pec...@ihuxw.UUCP (Scott W. Pector) Tue Apr 10 19:01:20 1984
Congratulations, once again, to the perpetrator of the joke. When I read
it, I was thinking initially: Is this a joke! Then I looked at the first
line of text and it said 840401 in it. It had to be a prank when I saw
that! So much for the Saskatchewanan who implied that since he didn't
get the article on 4/1, he had no indication it was a prank.
For those who were fooled: c'mon and 'fess up! No more of this whining
about how poor the joke was and how it must be an indication of a breach
of Net security and how a new beginning in international communications
was about to unfold, etc.! All of this is an attempt to save face over
being fooled.
One of the most popular authors in the eyes of Netters, Mark Twain, was
known to play a hoax now or then. I gave an example of one of his in
net.books last November. That one involved a nonsensical, physically
impossible description of a nature scene in one of his stories. People
in the 1890s and 1900s completely ignored that paragraph or 90% of it
at that time, taking it as plausible. Practically all the Netters who
responded to my article failed to pick up 90% or more of the errors in
that paragraph! No one whined when I gave the correct answer there.
Another prank that Twain pulled was in 1864 in Nevada. He wrote a story
for a local newspaper about the amazing "Petrified Man" found in some
local mountain cave. There, too, he defined a location which even the
locals should have known did not exist, but everyone fell for it. Further,
he had the Petrified Man thumbing his nose in a frozen pose! The article
got circulated in many parts of the US and an expedition was almost taken
up to recover the fake fossil before the prank was revealed! As W. C.
Fields said: There's a sucker born every minute.
Last comment: After reading the joke, I thought that no one would fall
for it for more than a second or two. In fact, I thought that the author
of it should have used a leading Russian scientist as his spokesperson,
instead of Chernenko, to make it more believable. Boy, did I overestimate
Net intelligence!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From f...@ihuxj.UUCP (Frank Greco) Tue Apr 17 00:53:29 1984
For all you netizens who can't appreciate a joke for its humor
and must debate its theme, consider the following:
The VAXEN report was perpetrated by KGB agents operating undercover
as admission officers at a well known Big Ten university.
The perpetrators were part of a larger espionage ring whose
primary mission, known to the US intelligence
community for some time, was to both monitor the caliber of
student entering American universities and colleges, and to
facilitate the infiltration of the American academic community
by KGB agents posing as graduate students seeking admission
to the universities.
(The espionage ring was so entrenched as to have had financial
aid officers in place at some very prestigious institutions.)
The perpetrators had a secondary mission.
This secondary mission consisted of monitoring the broadcasts
of local radio and television stations, and keeping abreast of
the contents of newpapers, popular magazines, trade journals,
and other forms of public communication.
In other words, the agents were responsible for keeping
abreast with current events as seen through the average American's
eyes.
The agents were also responsible for interpreting this information
vis-a-vis personal relationships developed under cover.
The agents were to report their findings indirectly to Moscow
via Russian embassies in the United States on a regular basis.
The VAXEN hoax fell under the auspices of this second mission.
The perpetrators were ostensibly low key university users with
general network priviledges. Covertly, they were KGB agents on
a mission.
The perpetrators had been monitoring the network, a
form of public communication, for some time.
The perpetrators planted the VAXEN article to test the
gullibility of network users and to test the security of their covers
on the network.
The perpetrators enlisted the aid of a KGB agent posing as
a computer science Master's student to dummy up the network path name.
Unfortunately for the KGB, this agent was a double agent!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From bu...@axiom.UUCP (Burt Janz) Tue Apr 10 18:27:05 1984
I am very surprised that there are actually people out there who
are upset at the April Fools letter from Chernenko. I thought it
was rather cute.
Also, being slightly analytical, I found it curious to BEGIN with that
Chernenko would have access to any of our networks, since a lot of them
go through some really strange (!) routing. I also looked IMMEDIATELY
at the originator routing and the date. Both were nonsensical.
Actually, it might be in everyone's best interests to open up relations
with Soviet-bloc countries, and this might be the best way to start. Most
of the scientists on either side believe in the same laws of nature, and
reach the same conclusions on most studies (the recent studies on nuclear
war aftermath, for instance).
To summarize, you have to expect strangness on April 1st. It's traditional,
fun, and sometimes very surprising. I have a hardcopy of the letter pinned
to my wall over my desk. I hope that there will soon be a message of similar
welcome from over there (without the political rhetoric, of course).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@ut-sally.UUCP Tue Apr 10 02:41:06 1984
One of Tycho's aliases is NSA, and IMP 57 itself is known as NSA.
Difficult to find....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From no...@down.UUCP Tue Apr 10 08:05:08 1984
>> You really think that NSA and CIA can read USENET but KGB can't? It
>> would only take one tapped phone line somewhere on four continents..
May be, but I'll bet they're more interested in net.sources and
net.unix-wizards than net.politics or net.flame.
i know for a fact that the Russians on the net are *very* interested in
expire with history rebuilding, although expire is such a dog that
their national defense system (everything is a system) is highly
vulnerable while it toils away (but it's *still* worth it). they also
are hoping to learn how to delete files with unprintable characters in
their names and what "fubar" means. and wait til they snarf "car.c"
out of net.sources. it could be the end of the free world as we know it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From c...@drufl.UUCP (Hoffmeyer) Wed Apr 11 03:26:37 1984
Some ten years or so ago, an American president committed such
stupefying blunders that he finally resigned from office.
At that time, and apparently even in his most recent interviews,
his personality might still be described as humorless.
April Fool's Day is, admittedly, an American institution, but it
seems to this writer that one desirable side effect of the net
is that national peculiarities may provoke the thought of people
in other nations.
I very much enjoyed what was so obviously humorous that high school
kids got the joke right away...
...for the sour pusses out there, let me take a line from
Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer - Lighten up!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From fa...@hplabsc.UUCP (Doug Faunt) Tue Apr 10 23:03:41 1984
Well, now we know where moscvax, kremvax, and kgbvax came from.
The 9 April dated AW&ST has an article that says that it is believed
that a complete 782 and the guts of a 780 got into the USSR before
the smugglers got caught.
I suspect that kremvax and kgbvax are the dual processors of the 782.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From st...@zinfandel.UUCP Wed Apr 11 13:19:34 1984
>> I want to voice my support of those who feel that the "April Fool's" joke
>> about the USSR on the USENET was bad form. Particularly when it appeared in
>> what many of us had come to rely on as the authoritative source for nuews
>> about the network.
Sucker. Don't believe everything you read, especially on a (mostly)
free-for-all anarchy such as this network.
>> ... many people (apparently) responded to this article
>> seriously and with a sense of the beginning of the start of a great
>> adventure in international communication.
And if next year I post newsite submissions from heaven!god and hell!satan
to net.general, there would probably be those who would bite on
them, too. ("See, I TOLD you there was a God and now there's proof!")
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From pec...@ihuxw.UUCP (Scott W. Pector) Wed Apr 11 02:53:18 1984
I stand corrected. P. T. Barnum said "There's a sucker born every
minute." (thanks to Andy Myers whuxj!abm) W. C. Fields said "You
can't cheat an honest man and never give a sucker an even break!"
Both phrases were names of movies of his and the latter (I think)
was the one he starred in with Charlie McCarthy and Edgar Bergen.
(Great flick!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@wdl1.UUCP (John R Blaker) Mon Apr 16 01:57:30 1984
That the USSR joining the net message was a joke was (to me, at least)
obvious by a casual look at the header of the message. Unfortunately,
the joke had one problem: It wasn't very funny.
>From jmro...@watdaisy.UUCP (Mike Robson) Wed Apr 11 18:59:33 1984
April fool's day an American institution?!?!
Come off it.
(neither American nor Canadian but able
to appreciate an April fool like kgbvax)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From wma...@brl-vgr.ARPA (Will Martin ) Wed Apr 11 20:00:49 1984
KGB Officers are university admissions personnel? AHA! THAT explains
it! Now I know why the current crop of students are who they are...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From m...@hou5d.UUCP Wed Apr 11 22:30:29 1984
To the comment ``it wasn't very funny'' I can point out that I laughed
at the thought of the number of people who would fall for it!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From ja...@haring.UUCP Fri Apr 13 14:41:33 1984
>... April Fool's Day is, admittedly, an American institution, but it
>seems to this writer that one desirable side effect of the net
>is that national peculiarities may provoke the thought of people
>in other nations. ....
Everyone here learns the following riddle:
Op een april verloor Alva zijn bril.
(Before everybody spends to much time looking for his dutch to english
dictonary, translation:
On the first of april, Alva lost his glasses.
Of course glasses is the translation of bril).
What happened a couple of centuries ago was, that Dutch patriotic freedom
fighters (Geuzen*) overtook the place Den Briel on the first of April, using a
kind of Trojan horse trick. (Alva was the Spanish supervisor, trying to
rule the Low Lands (De Nederlanden) for the Spanish king).
So this small event in history is always explained to me as the
starting point for april fool's day (een aprildag).
It might be a nationalistic view, but patriotism is a peculiar thing.
To place this into some historic background, New York was still called
Nieuw-Amsterdam, and if the republic of the Low Lans didn't lost this
war against England, so had to give swap Nieuw Amsterdam to (like it
is called now) Suriname, you would probably have learned the same in
school, and I wouldn't need to translate the Dutch to you ... :-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From r...@brl-vgr.ARPA (Ron Natalie <ron>) Thu Apr 12 16:53:12 1984
Selling them a VAX is likely to set them back ten years.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent) Thu Apr 12 10:58:45 1984
> Gee, I thought that every time Russia tried to buy a VAX, customs came
> along and filled the boxes with concrete.
Considering the response time of VAXen under any sort of load, I would say
that the boxes are filled with concrete not by customs, but by DEC....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From mi...@foxvax1.UUCP (P.C. Minasian ) Thu Apr 12 22:52:23 1984
We here at ...decvax!genrad!wjh12!foxvax1 seem to have had some security
problems on 1 April 1984 and failed to receive the transmission from Comrade
Chernenko; best guesses point to sabotage by NSA operatives. We have since
repaired our reception facilities and request retransmission (encrypted of
course!).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From to...@felix.UUCP Thu Apr 12 18:21:45 1984
Didn't anybody who fell for the joke notice that the
PHONE NUMBER given in the article was also 840401 ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From j...@qubix.UUCP (Jeff Bulf) Fri Apr 20 00:49:05 1984
> Selling them a VAX is likely to set them back ten years.
Can you imagine how long THEY have to wait for DEC service? :-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From bar...@mit-eddie.UUCP (Barry Margolin) Sun Apr 15 12:50:10 1984
>Selling them a VAX is likely to set them back ten years.
I've heard that they are about that far behind us in computer
technology. I've heard stories of them taking apart 8080's and Z80's
and copying them by examining the masks. The copies are much bigger and
slower.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
>From slo...@noscvax.UUCP Sun Apr 15 23:33:48 1984
Who is Mark Horton, anyway, and why did he steal my glasses?
-Alva
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, today, two weeks after the Big Bang, here we are.
Thanks to all of you, netpals, who replied to my "USSR on Usenet" article.
Reading all your replies really made worth while the forging I had to do
hide the real origin. There were only a few negative responses. So humour
still prevails in this (net)world. 'Sorry' for those who took this April
Fool so bloody serious...... (I got serious letters more than 3 pages long!)
Thanks also to those over here for the suggestions that eventually led to
this article.
Here's a summary of the responses, some of them with a comment.
Not afraid to at last reveal the real source...
Piet Beertema
(pi...@mcvax.UUCP)
P.S. Sorry I had to explicitly state the date (twice) in the article body;
otherwise it might have fooled more people; but the risk of the news
software mangling the date in the header was just too bad).
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
***
And April Fool to you too, Komrade!
***
As for the real discussions in politics: it was Mr. Chernenko,
not any single member of the Sovjet people, who was allowed
on the net April the 1st.
(I AM a single member of the Soviet people, comrade! Chernenko.)
***
Where is Reagan's opener? Does he have a terminal?
(Can he use one? Wargames, perhaps? Encrypted mail?)
(No, he can't: has to keep his fingers on the trigger...)
***
This isn't funny. I hope you get so much mail in response to this
that you're reading it for a week straight. F**k you.
(I did. And enjoyed it! Fuck me? Ain't no chick, pal. motss perhaps?)
***
Gee, I thought that every time Russia tried to buy a VAX, customs came
along and filled the boxes with concrete.
***
get out of our network!!!
***
chto eto za govno? ya ne veryu to chto ya chitayu v pyervom
aprelye.
(Sorry, but my Russian isn't what is used to be.... Cherny.)
***
Hmmm, "kgbvax," I like that one. Enjoy.
***
Your message sounds like a prepared speech!
(It sure was....!)
***
If your net contact is used as another channel for government-
authored propaganda, not too many of us will be interested in
reading your messages.
***
Many Americans will tend to dismiss your attitude as "typical Soviet
xenophobia," and I warn you that you will manage to persuade very
few people to change their minds (I tried some months ago to do so
on the net, and gave up in disgust).
***
Do you have wombats in Mother Russia?
***
So let's open a bottle of Wild Turkey and celebrate this (he
says modestly) historical event: CHEERS!!!
***
Gosh, does sending this letter put in the files of the CIA & KGB???
(Sure bet! And don't forget the CWI!)
***
If you receive this, and the network doesn't send back an
'unknown address' message to me, then you may not be kidding around,
pulling everyone's leg.
(it will, from now on)
***
Wow!
Is this for real? Honest-to-god Russia? Gee. I never thought that I'd
see it. Does this imply that Unix is behind the Iron curtain?
(Isn't that where at least the encryption algorithm came from?)
***
Perhaps you are not aware, but the standard phrase "misguided by
their leaders...seeking for war and domination of the world" is one of
those things we have heard in those exact words so many times that
it is a subject of humor to our comedians and satirical writers.
(Well, how about this satirical writer?)
***
It will be interesting to see which newsgroups you wind up
participating in.
(net.nuclear and net.jokes....)
***
How cute! Where does this end up, anyway?
(In my mailbox... Piet)
***
(Oh yeah... you forgot net.news.newsite :-) )
(Sorry for that; can happen with a novice.... Cherny)
***
Very Clever April 1 ........
***
This sounds like a joke, but what the heck! Here we go:
Welcome to the world of USENET. First, let me congratulate you on
getting funds approved for your telephone expenses. It must be pretty
expensive to read all this garbage that the net is flooded with every
day. Are you actually typing from the Kremlin? Wow! I didn't think any
information can get out of there without being thoroughly checked,
approved, rechecked and all that, and that can take days! How long, I
wonder will it be before I recieve your response to this mail? You will
respond, won't you?
(Of course...)
***
Welcome! [From an isolated CIA outpost]
(Then why didn't you send your mail to 'kgbvax'.....?
Actually no one did. Pity.)
***
>Is this for real? Can we have confirmation from someone who is
>recognized as being in a position to know?
It is indeed for real. I am in a position to know (supine).
***
I knew there was a path to the Russians on the net! Now at
last we can exchange netnews messages about high school reunions
and our latest cryptoanalytic results. Thank you eversomuch.
***
The posting date was April 1, which is generally what we call "April
Fool's Day". Sometimes good practical jokes are played on that day.
I have a strong feeling that USSR on the net is an April Fool's joke.
(So do I...)
***
Hmmm.... I just wonder who 'kgbvax' is.... :-(
(That's 'ciavax', only spelled eastward :-))
***
I'm the night operator and don't have any vodca so will
a hot pot of coffee do... Well I better go back to work,
just wanted to say HI and welcome.
***
Today is the April 1 1984, also known as the April Fool's day.
Whose leg you are pulling? :-)
(Netland's)
***
We in capitalist America have received your first message and
one simple thought pops into the minds of many a capitalist
computer interfacer such as myself: ARE YOU FOR REAL?
Please reply. We in the "buying is being" world would like to
know for sure if you exist.
Also, how do you get vaxes? From Sweden, or South Africa?
(From Malaysia, El Salvador, Indonesia etc.)
***
I am most pleased to see that our friends in Russia have joined
the uucp network. Greetings (sorry I know no Russian).
You will find the politics in Canada, or at least my politics,
much less strident than many of the articles in usenet originating
from the American Institutions.
(...)
***
That was a nice April Fool's joke! How did you do it?
(By spending a nice Sunday afternoon on this:
1. change the sendmail configuration table to deflect all mails for
"moskvax" to my mailbox;
2. disable uucico;
3. post the article;
4. forge the article's header (also trying to take care of the time
difference between Moscow and Amsterdam...);
5. re-enable uucico;
6. start up all connections to spread the article as quick as possible.
[And that's where is almost went wrong: couldn't get a connection to
decvax that whole day! Perhaps decvax playing April Fool on me???]
That's all...)
***
I found this article in extremely poor taste.
The person who fudged this up clearly has access rights to their
site's news facilities. If I worked there I'd be somewhat worried
about security.
(No one else is, since they all know the meaning of April 1...;
[This one came from Scotland; must have been very bad weather there...])
***
War of the Worlds, creationism... Now I understand. The person in
the best "positon to know" is P. T. Barnum. His opinion is in the
public domain.
Kudos to the perpetrator! "moscvax", "kremvax" -- truly inspired!
***
If everyone compares paths, we can figure out what machine the
perpetrator used.
(Save your energy; here he is)
***
Interesting that whoever did this (well done, by the way!) picked
"vax" as the machine suffix. Don't you know what happens to VAXen
that try to go to the USSR? (They get stopped in Sweden and it makes
headlines in North America.) (-:
(Since the Russians spell "Moskva", the suffix was just 'x'.... :-))
***
Have you ever considered the profession of private investigator?
Good Show!
***
I want to voice my support of those who feel that the "April Fool's"
joke about the USSR on the USENET was bad form. Particularly when it
appeared in what many of us had come to rely on as the authoritative
source for nuews about the network.
(net.politics you mean?)
Perhaps that individual should also be informed that April Fool's Day
is not the widespread celebration (?) that we in the US, in our
culturo-centric way, may sometimes think it is.
(For your information: it IS!)
It looks as if there is at least one fool on this network.
>From the ever smiling, ever happy fingers of:.....
(Right! One with ever smiling fingers....)
***
Did you seriously believe that a K. Chernenko at moskvax!kremvax
really exists? kremvax? moskvax? Come on!
***
I cant believe people actually are getting upset over a simple joke.
When I first read the article, I was borderline on believing until I
got to the KGBvax signature. I thought it was very humurous and not
at all in bad taste. It certainly didnt take any more phone costs to
post that and generate reponses than any of the other lame-brain
articles one sometimes reads on the net.
(I agree! Especially when my finger is hurting from hitting the 'n' key!)
***
There have been some people who thought that planting of this rather
hilarious piece was somehow in "bad taste", because they genuinely
thought a new era of Soviet-U.S. cooperation was at hand.
(...and were too busy/sleepy to look at all the references
to the date...)
***
Seems to imply that mcvax itself is the culprit.
(Good work!)
***
kgbvax? kremvax? Chernenko actually use a terminal? Do you really
believe all that? Would you like to buy some desert land?
The article did exactly what an April Fool's joke is supposed to do -
make a lot of people act like fools, if only for a few minutes.
***
Don't bother searching for the Mad Muscovite.
If I had the capability to make a path that included moskvax and
kremvax, would I include MY site name also?
I hope we NEVER find out who did it. Somebody will probably want to
sack him/her for "poor taste", when it was actually quite clever.
(Never mind: sack > /dev/null)
***
The USSR joins the net article did not arrive here 1 April.
Is there not a convention that jokes that are not obvious
contain the :-) symbol?
(See P.S. above; see explicit date and phonenumber(!) in article)
***
Subject: Know News Versions in use
version B 2.10.1 4/1/83 (SU840401)
kremvax.UUCP
(Shouldn't computers be told about April 1 too?)
***
I am extremely happy at this chance to talk. Let us see where
this leads us. At present this is a private letter to you. If
our correspondance begins to make sense, we shall start posting it.
***
The article was obviously a prank, from the subject header on
down. The thing that bothers me are the people who say things
like '[using the network as a reliable source of information.]' HAH.
***
But the reference to the beginning of April was a dead giveaway,
and it was meant to be.
(Yes. See P.S. above)
***
I should have been more on my guard, and you can bet I will
be next year!"
***
...would anyone be willing to serve as a Soviet gateway site?
(I can honestly state mcvax, as the gateway to continental
Europe, will)
***
The April Fool's day posting from kremvax was the most refreshing
thing I've seen on usenet. To those who ask - "How would you feel
if it came from ciavax or fbivax?" - I wish I had been imaginative
enough to have posted a reply from ciavax!
(I wish you had...)
***
C'mon guys. Do you expect that a letter from Ronald Reagan on the
USENET would be legitimate? Than why did you expect such from the
U.S.S.R?
(Would you expect a letter from ANY politician on USENET?)
***
Dear sir,
I am very glad to see that there is now a Soviet site on the net.
Welcome. I am a computer science major at .....; I have class in
a couple minute, so I will ask that you reply to this letter somehow.
***
In fact, I thought that the author of it should have used a leading
Russian scientist as his spokesperson, instead of Chernenko, to make
it more believable. Boy, did I overestimate Net intelligence!
***
KGB Officers are university admissions personnel? AHA! THAT explains
it! Now I know why the current crop of students are who they are...
***
Selling them a VAX is likely to set them back ten years.
***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, thanks for your attention, Comrades. But right now I've got the Russian
Flu, so I'm afraid I won't see you again before April 1 next year!
K. Chernenko
Morten Welinder
>great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
I think you can find your answer in
HREF="http://sunsite.unc.edu/dbarberi/april-fools.html"
but here, 10 years after, it is probably not easy to check whether
the claims are true. The main address of the person does not work
anymore.
Morten Welinder
Juergen Nickelsen
K. Furr) writes:
> Can anyone recall if it was ever determined who authored and posted the
> great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
It was. The poster was mcvax!piet (Piet Beertema); he revealed himself in
the article <57...@mcvax.UUCP>, posted Sun, 15-Apr-84 13:53:11 PST. The
original article and Piet's "admission of guilt" with lots of interesting
quotes was reposted Sat Mar 26 16:38:33 1994 by
Russell.Kroll%cmp...@csn.org (Russell Kroll) (sorry, no message-ID
available).
Dave Ainscow
In article <3bl75o$6...@news.duke.edu>, jf...@acpub.duke.edu (Joel K. Furr) says:
>Can anyone recall if it was ever determined who authored and posted the
>great Kremvax hoax posting of 1984?
This is the second attempt at posting here, so I appologise if this is
reply is repeated.
I have a whole host of info about items like this, and can e-mail you
it if you like. It is in windows help format.
As for Kremvax, it says that "The posting was actually forged by Piet
Beertema as an April Fool's joke."
There is a lot more info about how it is now a reality.
Dave