lr.8
MEGAZONE 23
"Though they'll never fathom it behind my/Sarcasm
desperate memories lie/Sweetheart sweetheart are you fast
asleep, good/That's the only time that I can really speak to
you/And there is something that I've locked away/A memory
that is too painful/To withstand the light of day"
--Pink Floyd
Zoner and Yuri lay huddled together on his bed, holding
each other as he spun a tale of pain and joy, of friendship
and loneliness, as he told her about his life. He looked not
at her, but past her, into the past. As he opened his heart
to her and unveiled the memories he had locked away he
relived the emotions, felt them again and for the first time.
She listened, absorbing the story of his life, learning why
he was who he was. Being as close to him as she was, and
both being empathic, she felt the emotions as he recalled
them. She felt the repression of ideas and the resulting
rebellion of catholic school. Felt the distance between him
and his father grow. Felt his pain at being betrayed by his
best friend, felt the fear and guilt of trying to kill his
sister, felt the unforgivable crime she had committed that
had caused it. She felt the loss of trust for the world
which caused him to give up on life, and the depression which
caused him to try and take his own. The years of loneliness
he forced upon himself to make sure no one got close enough
to hurt him again. She felt the fear and insecurity as his
parents separated, and the joy and reassurance when they
reunited.
The more he talked the more at ease Zoner became; he was
lost in the lands of memories and dreams, simply retelling
his journeys. He could feel the warmth of Yuri's body
against his, it was a comforting feeling. Someone he truly
cared for, and who truly cared for him, lying next to him,
raptly listening to his past. He remembered the two other
times he had told so much to another person; just over a year
ago, at a party, he needed to talk and Karen wanted to
listen. And then this past year, the times he opened up to
Jenna. It wasn't easy to get the memories to flow, but once
they did they quickly formed into a flood. He continued his
tales as Yuri listened in silence.
She listened as he told of the many times he had moved,
of the friends he had lost. The schools he had attended, and
the scams he had run. Of the women he had longed for, the
offers of friendship he had shunned. The long cold period of
his life when he distrusted everyone and refused to make
friends. He told of the false facade he erected ward off any
questions, he told of the false happiness which he never
quite managed to convince himself was real, yet it fooled
everyone else. She absorbed his emotions as he told of his
sister whom he loved because she was his sister, yet hated
for what she had done to him and others. He may be able to
forgive, but he could never forget, nor trust again. She
shared his guilt, pain, hate, love, joy, and sadness.
He worked his way through the minefield of memory and
emotion, avoiding some which were still too painful to tell,
and others which he wanted to keep for himself, at least for
now. He brought some others out into the light. How he met
his new best friend, and how that was the first step to
breaking down his wall. She felt his joy of sharing his life
with someone else, of finally trusting someone other than
himself. The memories of high school were mostly happy, but
they were punctuated by the deaths of his grandfather and
great uncle. He hadn't cried when they died, less than a
week apart. Crying was an ability he had lost a long time
ago, and one he wouldn't regain for many years.
He caught her up on his first couple of years of
college, of first finding the Wedge. The comfort of being
accepted by such a diverse group of people came through in
his words and voice. He skimmed most of his college life,
that much he had already told her, or she had heard from
others.
We he was finished he felt both cleansed and drained,
happy and tired. Yuri didn't say anything at first; she
simply leaned over and kissed him, gently. They lay holding
each other in silence for a long moment, then Yuri broke the
silence:
"Thank you. Thank you for letting me in."
"You're welcome, it feels good to finally be so open
with you. I hope you understand what I've told you, and why
I did."
"I think so, but we've talked enough for now. Let's
just enjoy being together," Yuri murmured as she snuggled
closer to Zoner.
"Not a bad idea," Zoner replied, holding her tight and
kissing her gently.
Up on the bridge ReRob sat slouched in one of the
Wedgebooths with Grendel, q, and Vaughn. They were speaking
in subdued tones in deference to those sleeping around them.
"So, what do you think is going to happen?" ReRob asked
no one in particular.
"What, with Yuri and Zoner?" Grendel asked.
"Well, that too. But I was thinking more along the
lines of meeting the aliens."
"Well, we don't really know that there will be aliens
there. It could very well be a dead planet. But I do hope
that there are some there, I think meeting some aliens could
be neat," Vaughn offered.
"Like, it could be most interesting eh," q added.
"It'll be interesting to see what their beliefs are,
assuming there is intelligent life there in the first place,"
Grendel observed.
"I doubt it'll be like Star Trek. The aliens always
speak English, and they're humanoid," ReRob quipped.
"And there's always a cute bim for Kirk," Vaughn added.
"Do you think Zoner and Gryphon are ready for this?
They've been handling a lot of shit since we left Earth, and
I'm not sure that they've prepared for this."
"Like, they've gotten us this far. I didn't see anyone
else jumping at the chance to get their jobs. It's not like
they demanded them. Like, they've done ok so far and I'm
ready to stand by them," q spieled.
"Gee q, I think that's the most words I've heard you
string together at once. Well said," Vaughn said, rather
stunned.
"Like it's just the way I feel," q replied.
"Well, I'm not going to walk out on them," Grendel
stated defensively, "I'm just worried about how the stress is
affecting them. After what happened today I'm wondering if
they're thinking clearly enough to run the ship. After all,
if they can't control their own lives how can they control a
ship full of people?"
"I think they'll do ok. I've been living with Zoner for
a while now and I've seen him like this before. He can run
things ok even when he's stressed...just don't add to it.
They're just as nervous as we are about this. No one is
really comfortable about visiting a new planet," explained
ReRob.
"Most people have a fear of the unknown. We just have
to make sure that the fear of the unknown doesn't become a
hate. Humans tend to hate what they don't understand, and
destroy what they hate. Which is one of the reasons I don't
like the human race all that much," Vaughn observed.
"Like I wouldn't worry too much about that with the
Wedge eh?" q replied.
"So, we've got one day left. Then we'll see which
predictions come true. Now, what about the relationship
thing?" ReRob asked.
"I think they've got it under control. Gryph and Zoner
are fairly new at this, but then again so are Kei and Yuri.
They care for one another, I think everything will work out,"
Vaughn answered.
"Well, I think Zoner has to work on his attitude. He
has to pay more attention to Yuri," Grendel offered.
"Like, I don't think so. They just need to work out a
balance," q stated.
"They're down there working on it now. Zoner had a lot
of talking to do. I've lived with him for nearly two years
now and he hasn't filled me in on his past yet. It takes him
a while to get around to mentioning things. Most of what I
know I pick up little by little. He's going to tell her all
of it at once. That could take a while," Vaughn said.
"I hope they work it out, the walls couldn't take much
more angst!" ReRob quipped.
"Hmm...what about Gryph and Kei?" asked Vaughn. "They
didn't seem too comfortable either."
"Aah," said Rob, "don't worry about them; they're
probably asleep. Again. Those two sleep more than the rest
of us combined..."
"But," said Grendel with his Evil GrinTM, "are they
really sleeping?"
"WHAM!" shouted ReRob, and hit Grendel with his hat.
"As a matter of fact they are... (most of the time)..."
"Well, speaking of sleep, I've got to get some. Is
there any room in E7?" Grendel asked.
"I think there's some floorage in the living room,"
ReRob answered. "Or you could always sleep in the closet if
you weren't worried about what people would say about you."
"Uh, yeah. Well, I'll see you guys when you crash,"
Grendel commented to ReRob and Vaughn. He left.
"Like, I think I'll be doing the sleep thing too," q
added.
"You got a place to sleep?" ReRob asked.
"Yeah, like GweepCo saved me a plot in the Lower Wedge,"
q replied as he walked away.
"Sleep well, dream well," Vaughn called after him.
"So, you going to become unconscious?" ReRob inquired of
Vaughn.
"No, I think I'm going to go for a walk. You?"
"I'm supposed to be in charge, so I'll stick around here
in case any alarms go off or something."
"Ok, see you later." Vaughn raised himself out of the
Wedgebench and strolled around the corner by the nosh
machines past Gryphon's room, pausing to read the message
board. Then, with a smile, he pushed open the Morgan doors.
SKWEEEEEKrrkkkweequeRUNK--FOOOOMM!!!--wheeet!whio thud
hissssssss... "WARNING! WARNING! HULL BREACH! HULL
BREACH! HULL--NEVER MIND. HEY GUYS, I'M REALLY GETTING SICK
OF THIS. EITHER STOP IT OR I'LL STOP WARNING YOU ABOUT HULL
BREACHES!"
"Take it easy computer, it's just Vaughn," ReRob spoke
into the instrument panel.
"WELL IT'S DAMN INCONSIDERATE, NO ONE EVEN PAYS ANY
ATTENTION TO THE ALARMS ANYMORE!"
"Ok, ok. I'll have Zoner say something to the crew."
"THANKS."
"No problem." ReRob checked over the control settings
and curled up on the Wedgebench to get some sleep.