lr.4
MEGAZONE 23
"Buy the sky and sell the sky/And lift your arms up to the
sky/And ask the sky and ask the sky/Don't fall on me"
--R.E.M.
Zoner sat there, staring at the doorway for a while.
Then he sighed deeply, walked over to his desk, and grabbed a
large stack of cassettes. "Great, just what I needed to
hear. We killed Gryph's mother too. I love this, I really
do. Life is shit." He dropped Meddle into his box and
turned it up.
Gryph walked into E7's living room and slammed R.E.M.
Tourfilm into the VCR, piped the audio through the stereo,
plugged in some 'phones, and proceeded to wall off reality.
Not that he could get away with that...it wasn't long before
Yuri came into the room, looking depressed, and slumped down
on the couch, picking up a book at random.
Ben paused the tape and took off the phones. Ripped up
as he was, his natural instinct to help people was overriding
his angst. He got up off the floor, went over, and sat down
next to Yuri.
"Hi, beautiful," he said with only semi-forced cheer.
"You look depressed."
"Zoner's Floyding again," Yuri said, putting down the
book. "I hate it when he shuts me out like this."
"Yeah...I know what you mean. It happens to me all the
time too. There are only a couple of people in the universe
he can open up to."
"I understand that, on some level...but I'm his lover,
for Christ's sake! If he can't trust me..."
"I think he's still a little afraid of how close he's
gotten to you. He has a hard time trusting; he's been
screwed over too many times before to not be wary, even
paranoid. Oh, fuck it, why am I making excuses for him? To
hell with him."
"Ben!" Yuri said, looking surprised. "You don't mean
that--what's wrong with you?"
"Me? Oh, nothing. I'm fine. Juuuuuust fine. I just
went and dumped a whole 'nother load of unnecessary shit on
Zoner, that's all...kicked him when he was down...that was
just so fucking kind of me..."
"What are you talking about?"
"Yuri, my mother died back in Worcester. She was at the
Marriott when the reactor blew. I haven't told anyone
because I haven't wanted to deal with it, I've tried to keep
it out of my mind. And just now Zoner was telling me about
how we got so lucky and we didn't lose anyone we cared for
and I...I just snapped at him...I...aw, hell..." He began to
cry, unashamed. (Real men don't need to be ashamed.)
"Oh, no..." Yuri said in a small voice. "Your mom?"
She took Gryphon, resistance or no, up into a hug. "I'm so
sorry."
"It's all right...I don't really hurt any more...I just
feel numb about it. I can't really believe she's gone
yet..."
"Shh...it'll be all right, eventually; just let it out."
Ten minutes later, Gryphon, exhausted, burned out, wired
beyond hope, and caffeine fried, had drifted into a tortured
sleep. Yuri settled him out on the Fold-O-Couch-O-Death
MkII, covered him with the blue blanket, took his keys, and
went over to his room.
"Kei, wake up."
"Nrrrgg...whut?" Kei turned over and flipped the
sleeping bag out of her field of view. "Yuri? What is it?"
"Go down to E7. Now."
Kei looked startled at Yuri's intense tone of voice.
"Yuri, what's the matter?"
"It's Ben. He needs you. Go. Now."
"Ben? What's wrong with him?" Kei asked, getting out of
bed and opening up one of the drawers. "He's seemed a little
preoccupied for the past couple of days, but I put that down
to not really knowing where we are..." She put on her
Operation Zenith shirt and a pair of black fatigue pants,
then pulled on her shoes. "What's the matter with him?"
"He just told me...his mother was in Worcester when the
reactor blew."
Kei paled. "Oh, no. Shit! Thanks, Yuri..." Without
even bothering with her hair or anything, Kei took off for E7
at a dead sprint.
Acting Ensign Android entered the Upper Wedge from the
engine room. "Yo, q, you seen Zoner or Gryphon around?"
"Um, yeah, like I think they went down to E7, like a
while ago. Like why?"
"Nothing too important, we've been trying tofigure the
engines out. We think they may make some use of negative
mass, so we have Truss down there, to see how many GNDN pipes
he can hit his head on. He's sorta the neg mass expert
anyway."
"Well, like I wouldn't bother them right now. Zoner's
like a little stressed, and Gryphon's like a little
zonerish."
"Oh, well, if they ever walk through ask them to drop by
engineering."
"Like, will do."
As Android opened the hatch to engineering, muffled
cries of "Watch out John!", "Huh?" and "Ouch!" drifted into
up into the Wedge.
"Like, tell him to be more careful. Like he might
damage something."
"Ok, see you around."
"Ben, wake up," Kei said softly.
"Hmm?" Gryphon peeled an eye open and looked up,
willing the nearly useless instrument to focus, damn it, on
who was speaking. He could tell the voice instantly, but--
Kei's strong arms grabbed him up in a fierce embrace,
in such a sudden manner he nearly jumped through the ceiling.
"Kei, what--"
"Yuri just told me. Oh, God, Ben, I'm so sorry...I had
no idea. Do you forgive me?"
"Forgive you for what?"
"I should've been able to tell something was bothering
you, I should've been there for you to talk to--I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry."
"Don't be so hard on yourself...it's not as if you
abandoned me to the wolves or something. I was hiding
something from you, I should be the one apologizing."
"You were hiding it from yourself." She didn't appear
to be planning on letting him go anytime soon, which suited
him just fine.
"I wish we still had a city to go for a walk in, 'cause
I need a good long walk...or drive...I wish I had a car...I
wish a lot of things. But you know, I'm still the luckiest
person alive."
"Why?"
"I still have you."
Kei and Gryphon sat in the living room of E7 holding
each other and watched the rest of Tourfilm. They didn't say
much to each other, they just enjoyed the warm feeling of
being close to someone you care deeply for, and enjoyed the
occasional gentle kiss, just because. Near the end of the
tape Yuri returned to E7.
"How are you two doing?" she asked, a concerned look on
her face.
"We're doing ok," Gryphon answered. "And thanks."
"Thanks? Thanks for what?" Yuri inquired.
"For telling Kei. I couldn't seem to do it myself."
"No problem, really. That's what friends are for."
"I can tell by the sound that Zoner is still Floyding."
"Yeah, he's been up there all day," Kei added.
"Sometimes I just can't understand him. Why doesn't he
talk to people when he has problems?" Yuri asked.
"Well, he talks to a few people," Kei answered.
"Like who?"
"Well, er, um, well. He talks to Jenna, and Daver and
Helene. But mostly Jenna," Gryphon offered.
"Why can't he talk to me?" Yuri asked; then, turning her
attention to Gryphon she said, "What you told me earlier, I
can't think of anything bad enough to make him isolate
himself like this."
"Well, he had someone who he thought was his best
friend, someone he totally trusted, use that trust to take
advantage of him. And he grew up with a juvenile delinquent
for a sister. So he isolated himself totally and became a
loner. It wasn't until he came to college and found the
Wedge that he opened up and began trusting people. It takes
a long time for him to open up to others, even those he
loves. And it doesn't just bother you. It drives me crazy,
and it bothers a lot of other people too. But don't worry
about it, he'll open up eventually."
"I hope so, I feel like he doesn't want me to know about
him. And even though he doesn't say it, I know he partially
blames us for the deaths of all those people in Worcester.
Ever since we left Earth he has been even more reserved than
normal. I'm worried about us," Yuri added, distraught,
"Maybe he doesn't really want me around."
"Why don't you go up and see him?" Kei suggested.
"Maybe I will, thanks guys," Yuri said as she got up and
went up to Zoner's room.
"I'm worried about her," Kei whispered to Ben.
"How come?"
"She really likes Zoner. But she is a little shy and
insecure. I think she thinks Zoner wants to get rid of her.
If he doesn't snap out of his depression soon he just may
drive her away. And leaving him would hurt her a lot. And
if he hurts her I may have to hurt him."
"I don't think he would do that."
"Not intentionally, but he had better change his mood
soon or the end result will be the same."
"Maybe I'd better have a talk with him about--"
"Shhh! Here comes Yuri." Yuri came down the stairs,
crying. Kei jumped up and hugged her. Gryphon scrambled
after her.
"Yuri, what's wrong?"
"He said he wanted to be alone for now. I don't think
wants to see me anymore."
"Shhh, don't be ridiculous. Zoner loves you."
"He sure has a funny way of showing it!"
"He's just having a hard time dealing. He has been
under a lot of pressure. I'm sure he'll come around,"
Gryphon offered in an attempt to comfort Yuri.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," Gryphon said with a smile. "He's going to
get a good loud screaming at in any case."
"You're... you're probably right," Yuri sobbed, wiping
her tears. "I'll just give him some space."
Kei, Yuri, and Ben all turned to look as the door to E7
opened and Jenna entered. Ben's face twitched an "Oh, no."
"Hello. How're you guys doing?" Jenna asked.
"Umm, we're doing ok," Gryphon answered for the group.
His voice carried an inflection which said without words,
"As though I thought you gave a fuck."
"Well, I'm just here to see Zoner," Jenna replied,
taking his tone as basic assholishness. (After all, she
didn't know him or what he was like...maybe he was just an
asshole.) She ignored him and asked the others, "He
upstairs?"
"Yep," Gryphon answered, even though he hadn't been
asked. "He's up there Floyding."
Jenna just looked coolly through him and replied,
"Thanks, see you later."
The group watched as Jenna walked up to Zoner's room.
They heard her knock on his door and they heard her say
something to Zoner. The volume of the music dropped and they
heard his door close.
"Aw fuck..." Gryphon muttered.
"He'll talk to her, but not me! I thought he wanted to
be alone! I knew it, he doesn't love me!" Yuri cried, her
tears starting anew.
"Shhh. Don't say that. You don't know that," Kei tried
to comfort her.
"Yeah, I'm sure there's a reason why he wants to see
her," Gryphon said as he joined the group hug. Not that he
was any too confident of it.
"The reason is that he probably loves her, not me!"
"How can you say that! Jenna is just a good friend of
Zoner's. She's engaged to Matt anyway, you know that. Don't
be foolish. He's known her longer than we've even existed
and they've helped each other out with their problems.
That's what friends do. Don't throw away this relationship
because of silly assumptions!" Kei scolded Yuri.
"I wish I could be as sure as you are," Yuri sobbed,
"I've got to go...he wants room. I'll give him room."
With that she ran out the door.
"Well, doesn't this just suck all to hell," Gryphon
said, leaning back against the back of the couch and rubbing
his eyes wearily. He truly did tire of Zoner and his mood
swings at times.
"Now we really have to do something," Kei said as she
placed her arm around Ben.
"Agreed," Ben said, hugging her back. "But what?"