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MEGAZONE 23
"[quote deleted]"
--Macquivr (Q)
Later, down at the Thai Orchid (a local Thai restaurant,
obliviously), we find Zoner, Yuri, Ben, and Kei enjoying a
rather well prepared meal. Kei and Yuri were wearing
stunning evening gowns which had set both Zoner and Ben back
about a term's spending money.
"So how are you enjoying your stay at the Worst Place
Imaginable--ahem--Whoopie Tech so far?" inquired 'Zone.
"So far, so good. Do you normally have so much violence
on campus?" asked Kei.
"No. It isn't normally this bad," --sideways glance at
Ben-- "I can't figure out why it has been so bad." (elbow)
"Side effect. It'll pass," Ben parried. (poke)
"So, what is there to do in...." Yuri began.
"PASS THE SALT NOW!" screamed Ben, his hand suddenly
bending his fork. "I knew I shouldn't have let you order."
"Iai!" Kei shouted, snagging the salt shaker from Ben's
hand. "Me first! This stuff is deadly!"
"So I like spicy food," Zone replied with an evil smirk.
"You were saying, Yuri?"
"Yes, I wanted to know if there was anything interesting
to do in Worcester."
"May I reply to that?" interjected Ben.
"Why not?"
Ben got up from the booth and began to pace, his hands
folded behind his back. "From the home office in
Schenectady, New York: The top ten things to do in Worcester
on Saturday night.
"Ten: Drive to Boston.
"Nine: Drive to Boston for the evening.
"Eight: Why not drive to Boston?
"Seven: Driving to Boston is a definite possibility...
"Six: Drive to Boston.
"Five: If you're feeling particularly ambitious, you
could drive to Boston.
"Four: Drive to Boston.
"Three: It wouldn't hurt to drive to Boston.
"Two: Go to Spag's. Bet you thought I was going to say
drive to Boston didn't you?"
And the number one thing to do in Worcester on
Saturday night is:"
"Drive to Boston?" hazarded Kei.
"Survey says:
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Thank you for playing. No, the number one thing to do
in Worcester on a Saturday night is:
"Get mugged!"
"Bravo! Now sit down and stop making a spectacle. I
can't take you anywhere," observed Zone, eliciting a chuckle
from both Kei and Yuri.
"True, since your car is in the shop!" Ben jabbed.
"Ouch! Low blow! So the Daytona from Hell is ill, I'll
have it back on Monday, for 300 bucks which I can't afford."
"What is this Daytona from Hell?" asked Kei.
"I'll explain it later," replied Yuri.
The collective group fell into standard dinner rapport,
occasionally interrupted by Ben's pleas for the salt to cut
the spice. As the evening progressed it was obvious that
Zoner and Yuri gravitated into one pair and Ben and Kei
another. (Kinda like bookends.)
<<Desperado (Live), The Eagles>>
After dinner the quartet began a leisurely stroll back
to campus, veering around the Centrum to prolong the walk;
after all it was a pleasant night.
They were just strolling along when Kei reached over to
get Yuri's attention. And when they made contact they froze.
Their gaze seemed to be focused at infinity.
"Zoner, I think we have a problem..." muttered Ben.
"Obliviously, Ben, they appear to be having one of their
psychic flashes," observed Zoner.
Slapping a hand to his forehead, Ben replied, "Duhh. So
what do we do?"
"We wait."
A few tense seconds later the Angels broke out of it.
Collapsing into Ben's arms, Kei gasped, "What was that?"
Yuri, being similarly supported by MegaZone, replied,
"There's an attack coming."
"COYLIANS?!" Ben and Zoner exclaimed in perfect harmony.
"No, it seems to be giant humanoid robots or something
like that," Yuri continued.
"Why is it always giant... humanoid... robots???" Ben
murmured in a tired voice.
"We have to find a defensible position!" Zoner blurted
in a rare burst of logic.
"We could scale this building," suggested Kei.
"100% NutraSweet," responded Ben in his Ad-Man-Voice.
"Huh?" Yuri questioned.
"Never mind," Zoner cut in. "I have an idea..."
"Uh oh..." interrupted Ben.
"As I was saying, I have an idea. The Galleria's
parking garage is right over here."
The quartet hurried off towards the garage as the sound
of an approaching horde filled the air.
Panting heavily, Zoner declared, "We're here. Any sign
of the enemy?"
"Well, since we're being obvious...how about that large
pack of soldiers and the attack choppers?" panted Ben.
"You guys are out of shape," observed Kei.
"I'm soooooo sorry," Zoner snapped.
"Kei, we have better things to think about. Like that
horde over there," Yuri interjected.
Ben collapsed into a coughing fit. Noticing this, Kei
asked, "What's wrong with him?"
"Asthma. He'll either recover or die. Don't worry
about him. Worry about THEM!" Zoner shrieked.
ZARK! A laser bolt slammed into the wall next to Yuri,
who then pulled her blaster out of her purse.
"You brought that to dinner?" Zoner asked incredulously.
"Sure, so did Kei. Didn't you bring a weapon?"
"NO! I don't OWN one! Before this past week I never
NEEDED one!"
"What about him?" Kei gestured to Ben's choking form.
"I severely doubt it!" Zoner snapped. "Unless you count
his Buck knife, which personally I don't!"
ZARK! ZARK! ZARK! KA-ZAP!!! More lasers sliced chunks
from the concrete. Followed by a large particle blast.
ZARK! ZARK! Kei and Yuri returned fire. ZARK! ZARK! They
began dropping the oncoming horde with ease. Well, they
dropped, but some began to get back up.
"Oh shit! BOOMERS! How... Never mind, WHO?" Zoner
exclaimed.
"Boomers? The deli?" Ben asked, staggering to his feet,
the spasm almost over.
"The killer 'bots from Bubble Gum Crisis!"
"Oh. Them.... OH! THEM! GAAAH!" Ben said as the
importance of this fact dawned on him.
"Boomers? Bubble Gum Crisis?" Kei and Yuri asked in
stereo.
"Never mind! Keep shooting!" Ben and Zone snapped in
unison.
"I'm getting tired of being told to never mind," Yuri
said to anyone who was listening, who at the time was no one.
"Look. Over there!" Zoner said, gesturing to a pair of
racing bikes.
"Think we can hotwire them?" Ben asked.
"We can damn well try."
"Hey! The keys are in them!"
"Oh... Look," Zoner said, gesturing to the Becker
College parking sticker.
"Natch," Ben quipped.
VVRROOMM!! SSQQUUEEAALL!!
"Get on!" Zoner yelled. Yuri leapt onto his bike, while
Kei mounted Ben's.
"Hang on, I haven't driven one of these in over a
month," Ben said.
"So, I haven't driven one in at least 15 years. No time
like the present to learn," Zoner replied with a smirk.
"What? Are you crazy?"
"Well, my philosophy is, if you try to stay sane in
life, it'll just drive you crazy. So, you may as well go
crazy now and have fun with life."
Then he grinned darkly and slowly intoned, "It's a
couple of miles to campus...we don't know what we have for
gas...we don't smoke...it's dark...and we're wearing trouble
consultants."
"Hit it." Ben finished the thought and fired his bike
out of the garage, with Zoner wildly trying to keep his own
under control behind him.
<<Fly Me Courageous, Drivin' N Cryin'>>
The bikes screamed from the garage, flying through the
troop of Boomers and under the three attack choppers. ZARK!
The remaining Boomers shed their human guise in a gross
but effective manner and fired their thrusters to give chase.
Their lasers and particle cannon lashed out at the fleeing
bikes.
Kei and Yuri began returning fire. They were
disappointed by their lack of results.
"No use fighting these 'bots, we've gotta lose them!"
noted Yuri.
"Ben! The tunnel!" MegaZone screamed, gesturing wildly,
then turned onto Main Street. Ben followed suit, before
realizing what Zoner meant.
"Are the choppers that dumb?" queried Ben, more to
himself than anyone else.
"Let's find out." Zoner gunned his engine to a rating
several octaves above manufacturers' recommendations. He
then remembered the joys of third gear. Shift-lurch!
Meanwhile, Ben was all the way to fourth (sick minds!
On a moving superbike?!?! Talk about P-points!) and
screaming almost as loud as his motorcycle. Air moved
against his right ear and formed into the words "How fast are
we going?"
[Normally, he would have found such a phenomenon
intolerably stimulating...but not here.]
"Do you really wanna know?" he replied beyond the top of
his lungs.
"Uh...hmm."
"I didn't think so!"
Going the wrong way down Main Street into the tunnel is
generally not recommended by the Worcester Police Department.
However, the Worcester penal code was probably not written
considering the needs of motorcyclists who have to deal with
attack helicopters. Ben and Zoner avoided the few cars going
the right way that time of night, entered the tunnel, then
saw a flash of light shove its way through the walls.
"Yep. They're that dumb," shouted Ben. "One down, two
to go, not to mention Boomer troops." He found it amazing
that anyone stupid enough not to look for large stationary
objects like, say, tunnel roofs, would be piloting one of
those aerial juggernauts. *slap* Duuuh.
A Saab 900 Turbo loomed, or at least as close as a Saab
900 Turbo gets to looming, ahead; Zoner hollered something
unintelligible and ducked around it. It skidded, trying to
dodge him, right into Ben's path. Ben knew a bit about
motorcycles; for one thing, he knew that, with the extra
weight the machine was hauling, an attempt to dodge violently
enough to have any chance at success would put them on the
side, skidding under the Saab's wheels.
"Kei!" he screamed. "When I tell you to, lean back!"
"WHAT?!"
"Just do it, trust me! Ready? NOW!"
As she threw her weight back, so did he, while tossing a
downshift and ramming the throttle open. The racer responded
with a howl, its rear wheel clawing at pavement. The front
wheel rose from the ground and struck the speeding Saab's
hood above the front bumper. Momentum, a bit of skill, and a
shit load of luck carried them up and over; the bike slammed
into the street front-wheel-first, throwing Ben violently
against the handlebars and Kei violently against Ben. They
wobbled, dipped, ducked, and then recovered--all at sixty
miles per hour.
"You ok?" Kei shouted.
"Fine, you?"
A light squeeze to his shoulder reassured him that she
was.
Zoner jerked his transmission while forgetting the
clutch (hey, it doesn't look like a stick-shift), and Yuri
responded by sinking her left hand deeper into his shoulder
as he tried to look back at Ben and Kei. He still didn't
quite believe he had seen that. The twin motorcyclists found
a dead end, and geeked the second 'copter on a conveniently
placed costumed, antennaed figure who then leapt across the
alley as though nothing had happened, a pair of what appeared
to be high-tech binoculars hanging around his neck,
accompanied by a large rabbitlike figure with wings.
Both bikes turned around, and four pairs of eyes found
the third attack chopper hovering, waiting for them.
MegaZone gunned his engine first, with a battle cry of
"Shiiiiiiiit!"
The chopper responded by exploding in a tidy fireball
and falling just behind the twin bikes. Zoner and Ben raced
down Main St. while Kei and Yuri handily plugged the
remaining Boomers. It hadn't taken them long to discover the
head was the weak spot.
"Wow...neat..." Zoner was busy admiring the destruction
when he banked around a corner and nearly got his head ripped
off by a construction barricade. The words MAX HEADROOM 5'3"
zipped by as he threw an instinctive downshift and ducked
around it; he was feeling pretty damn proud of himself for
that maneuver when he hit a Jersey barrier. The front fork
of the bike responded to the stress with a big, very
definitive "NOT" and totally collapsed. Zone's only warning
of such impending disaster was the sensation of Yuri's
fingernails apparently attempting to etch her initials into
his collarbone.
MegaZone hung in the air in much the same way that a
B-52 bomber with no functional engines, a full bomb load,
half of one wing blown off, the other wing completely
severed, a fire near the fuel tanks, and a dead crew would,
given the opportunity, and landed on his back in a dirt pile.
He opened his eyes just in time to see Yuri land gracefully
ten feet in front of him and have the front tire bounce by to
add to his injuries.
Ben succeeded, surprisingly, in a stylish skid-to-a-
halt-with-left-side-banked-and-left-foot-planted stop,
grinned, and announced in his finest Sports-Event-Announcer-
Voice, "And for MegaZone's incredible dismount: a 9, a 9.6, a
9.9, a 4.2 from the Bulgarian judge, and a 9.6! That's good
enough to move him on to the gold medal round. He would've
had an even better score, but he took a couple of extra steps
on that landing, and it cost him in the final standings.
Thank you for playing `How the fuck do I drive this thing?'!"
"Very goddamn funny. I'm in a great deal of pain. I am
NOT enjoying this. Do you think we could possibly obtain
some medical attention, NOW?" Zoner snarled.
"What, don't you have a DocWagon contract?" Ben
chuckled.
"Oh, a comedian! This is REALITY, not some story from
Shadowrun."
"This isn't Reality. Vaughn's Reality. This is a
motorcycle accident in downtown Worcester."
"BEN!"
"So sorry. Shall I call an ambulance?"
"If you would BE SO KIND!"
Kei dismounted, chuckling, and walked over to check on
Yuri. Yuri, of course, being used to this kind of event,
had landed fine.
Ben hopped off his bike and checked it over; the front
fork was annoyingly bent from the leap he had taken over the
Saab, and the finish on the front fairing was dinged.
"I have to get a tougher bike," he observed, wincing and
rubbing his shoulder a bit.
"I think I'll achieve unconsciousness now," Zoner said,
closing his eyes.
"What? Did that hurt him?" Yuri asked.
"Well, actually YES!" Zoner declared in a Carlinesque
manner.
A VR-052 Battler Cyclone-clad figure, smoke still
streaming from a forearm rocket launcher, clunked onto the
scene.
Ben, Zoner, Kei, and Yuri looked at the warrior and
prepared to square off for another combat. For Zoner this
involved attempting to peel himself out of the MegaZone-
shaped dent in the sand.
The figure flipped the faceplate back from the helmet,
drew a curly-q in the air, and said, "Gweepings."
The quartet simultaneously exclaimed, "ReRob!?"
MegaZone then collapsed to his back again, letting out a soft
groan as ribs grated together.