OIC (21)
MegaZone23
"You are one...ugly...--urk!"
"Motherfucker."
--Lt. Harrigan and the Predator
ReRob, of course, was the first one in the bay. And his
experiment was ready. Well, almost ready.
The ship was lurking there. In extremely dark ugly.
Not flat ugly or gloss ugly or matte ugly; more of a WOW
that's ugly kind of ugly. Uglier than Ren and Stimpy. An
ugly you could actually hear if you listened closely enough.
It might even be describable. Here goes:
Start with a Beta Veritech. Take a pair of Avenger
cannon: you know, the 30mm guns they put on the A-10
Thunderbolt, the kind that eat tanks for a midnight snack.
Put two of them on pivots and turntables on top of the
MM-40s.
Then, take the MM-40s out. Replace them with PBC-11
particle beam cannon arms from the MBR-04-VI Tomahawk
Destroid. Of course, that means the barrels will stick out
of the front, but so what?
Second, add four strategically placed 30mm chain guns to
the underbelly.
Third, change the standard "Vivian" locking collar so
that it attaches to the back of a standard Salusian R-12
Raptor starfighter.
And, finally, because this thing ain't quite done yet,
leave some armor plates missing, color the whole thing gun-
metal grey, and leave some oil stains and grease droolings
all over the place.
The other three (Deedlit, Cheryl, and Kevin) came in
more or less simultaneously and barely succeeded in not
hurling.
Kevin was the first to speak. "What the fuck is that,
ReRob?"
Deedlit said, "Oh...my."
Cheryl was optimistic. "Well, it ought to kill things
rather nicely."
ReRob started up. "Ayup, that it will. Deedlit, take
the Raptor. This...thing is slaved in to your controls, so
expect some major thrust to weight ratio. And don't take it
into an atmosphere. Get going as soon as the rest of us get
into the Beta. But give me a minute, we've got to do this
right."
ReRob ran over to a tray cart. There was a bottle of
champagne in the obligatory ice-filled pail. He hucked the
bottle to Cheryl, and grabbed a can of white spray paint. He
sprayed a quick "Kilroy was here" sign, with the left hand
conspicuously missing. "His name is hereby Kilroy, his
designation Thundergod One."
"It's a he?" queried Kevin.
"This sucker's too fuckin' ugly to be a she!"
Deedlit, Cheryl, and Kevin responded in unison, "Excuse me?"
ReRob remembered that he was unique among the crew in his
tastes.
"Anyways, christen this sucker and we can be off!"
Cheryl wound up and bashed the champagne across the starboard
hull. Unfortunately, that particular piece of armor plate
wasn't firmly affixed, and it swung downwards, only held on
by one bolt. "real sturdy, Rob..."
"Fine, let's get moving! Deedlit, keep the bandits on
our port side!"
Within seconds, the Salusian was turning over the
turbines while Cheryl, Rob, and Kevin were strapping into the
three-seater cockpit.
"Cheryl, you've got those two top rotary cannon. Your
responsibility is anything above the ship. Kevin, you've got
those four cannon down the bottom. You also have the drum
bomb in the bay. That's a two-ton nuclear device, so don't
use it unless you really mean it. Any questions? No? Good.
Let's rock!"
With that, Deedlit punched the throttle. Unfortunately,
she had no experience whatsoever with the Legios concept, nor
had ever flown something with quite the acceleration of a
Beta. Cheryl and Ktefft, who were seated sideways behind
ReRob, were slung to the side as the conglomeration rocketed
into the void.
MegaZone, and the rest of the bridge crew, saw
this...thing...as it screamed to follow the Veritechs.
"ReRob, is that you?"
"Yup. I told you it was an experiment. Meet Kilroy the
Thundergod."
"Last time I did an experiment like that, I threw it
down the toilet."
"Well, it's uuuugly, but it should work."
"What the fucking hell is it?"
"It's a Beta with weapons up several places one should
never have weapons. Three gunners, no waiting."
"Any special strategies for interacting with our
Veritechs?"
"Yeah. Tell them to get out of our way. And leave the
Jalthi to us. We outgun them."
"You WHAT?"
"Twelve guns versus their six. Pipe Beta through
Gunstar, and you get the picture."
"Whatever. Just make sure you bring it back."
"We'll try."