Sometimes Compooters Suck

[Michael R Nosek]

<LSB>
So it's 1:52am on a Saturday morning, and I'm sitting in my stoopid
cubicle at my STOOPID JOB, babysitting a process that a stoopid,
bit-twiddling coworker deliberately mangled the first time through
after four hours of database-normalizing-merging-updating didn't
happen fast enough for him.

Coffee and REEELLY loud Warren Zevon songs just ain't cutting
it anymore keeping me lucid, so you wacky arkizens get to read
my Lee-like ramblings. Except I'm not all angsty like Lee, and
Bev probably won't yell at me about misspellings, and Lee
probably isn't a huge Zevon fan. Besides that, I'm just like
Lee...except older...but not as old as W*ts*n.

I do have a wacky wind-up rat perched on top of my monitor.
I'll go play with that.

You can go now. Nothing to see here...
</LSB>

--
Michael R. Nosek Send me a beaver nickel and I'll describe
my wacky wind-up rat in great detail. To avoid this fate
send me two beaver nickels.

"If Little Girls are Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice, then logically,
Women must be Alcohol, Cinnamon and Chocolate/Caffeine. Wait. That sounds
like Irish Coffee. Right, OK, Women are Irish Coffee."

E Teflon Piano (E...@The.Institute.org)

P.S. Lee, I'm not picking on you. I had written most of the post
and was re-reading it, and it just seemed so...Lee-like. So I added
the middle-est part and the tags. Hmmm, LSB as a meme?

[Samantha Wilkinson]

mno...@wwa.com (Michael R Nosek) writes:

><LSB>
>So it's 1:52am on a Saturday morning, and I'm sitting in my stoopid
>cubicle at my STOOPID JOB

You're at work on a Friday night/Saturday morning? Sheesh. What a loser.
At that time *I* was fast asleep.

At least until 2 1/2 hours later when Matt woke me up when he got up to
shut the window because the music was bothering him [1] -- music which I
certainly didn't hear (even after awakened) until he pointed it out.
Then it haunted me as I vainly struggled to get back to sleep.
Apparently at some point during the night I also missed hearing the
sirens of passing rescue vehicles. In the past I have actually slept
through a fight going on down the hall and a bomb going off in a nearby
building (in Vilnus). Sounds that will wake me up include:

* My apartment building's fire alarm
* The cat throwing up

Sam

[1] Gratuitous personal detail thrown in for Andrew Jeanes who said
he didn't know much about the relationship between me and Matt.

[Matt McIrvin]

Samantha Wilkinson <sam...@world.std.com> wrote:

> At least until 2 1/2 hours later when Matt woke me up when he got up to
> shut the window because the music was bothering him [1] -- music which I
> certainly didn't hear (even after awakened) until he pointed it out.

In retrospect, I think it was The Cure. Someone was playing a The Cure
album, loudly, at 4:30 in the morning.

The music had actually intruded on the dream I was having previously. In
the dream it wasn't The Cure, it was a Pink Floyd song which was on the
nonexistent dream version of "The Final Cut," and a title which was some
mangled corruption of "Two Suns in the Sunset," but it had the same
repeating synthesizer chords as the song which was actually playing at
the time.

Earlier in another part of the dream I had been directing some sort of
complex operation involving drilling into the ice of some
atmosphere-bereft, ice-covered moon, possibly Europa. This involved a
lot of complicated suiting-up, and operating the station airlock and a
bunch of valves to fill my spacesuit with oxygen at partial pressure,
and I kept forgetting the order in which to do this. Furthermore, my
underlings were a bunch of total feebs and seemed to be suffering from
some kind of narcosis, maybe hypoxia from getting their valves opened
and closed in the wrong order, and they were all occupied with sliding
around on their boots on a smooth patch of the ice. Somehow we managed
to open up a smooth-walled shaft in the ice and put some bright lights
down in there, and there was some sort of cylindrical device suspended
in the middle and covered with blinking lights, but I don't know if
we put it there or if it was there previously.

> In the past I have actually slept
> through a fight going on down the hall and a bomb going off in a nearby
> building (in Vilnus).

And then I was in some Eastern European country, under the awning of
a sumptuous hotel, and I needed a taxi, but I discovered that in this
country you had to buy tickets well in advance to ride the taxis.
And then the Pink Floyd/Cure started playing.

--
Font-o-Meter! Proportional Monospaced
^
Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/

[Steven "Gazebo" Ehrbar]

> P.S. Lee, I'm not picking on you. I had written most of the post
> and was re-reading it, and it just seemed so...Lee-like. So I added
> the middle-est part and the tags. Hmmm, LSB as a meme?

Hey! Stop making fun of Lee! Lots of guys wear makeup in private.
And he really does have an invisible dog!

Anyway, you missplet mime. HTH.

--
Steve "Gazebo" Edward Ehrbar. PANTS! PANTS! PANTS!
"Bureaucracy is the death of any achievement." -- Albert Einstein
"It's no accident that capitalism has brought with it progress,
not merely in production but also in knowledge." -- Albert Einstein

[Lupus Yonderboy]

Thus spake mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin):

>Earlier in another part of the dream I had been directing some sort of
>complex operation involving drilling into the ice of some
>atmosphere-bereft, ice-covered moon, possibly Europa.

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS, EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO
DREAMS THERE.

Sincerely,
Cartman (Fat Ass)

P.S. BEEFCAKE!

--
Alex Suter
"HAVE WE ALL FORGETTEN DR. STRANGELOVE?"
http://www-cs-students.stanford.edu/~asuter/

[Joseph Michael Bay]

mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) writes:

>Samantha Wilkinson <sam...@world.std.com> wrote:

>In retrospect, I think it was The Cure. Someone was playing a The Cure
>album, loudly, at 4:30 in the morning.

Well, most The Cure albums say on them "this album has been mixed to be
played at high volumes so TURN IT UP" and the writing doesn't go away no
matter how high you TURN IT UP, even if you turn it up to eleven, so
generally people simply set the volume at maximum while listening to these
albums. Unless they're very literal-minded or decide to figure out other
ways to increase the volume.

>Earlier in another part of the dream I had been directing some sort of
>complex operation involving drilling into the ice of some
>atmosphere-bereft, ice-covered moon, possibly Europa.

EUROPE MUST BE DEFLATED AND COVERED WITH ICE TO BECOME A BORN-AGAIN MOON!

>This involved a
>lot of complicated suiting-up, and operating the station airlock and a
>bunch of valves to fill my spacesuit with oxygen at partial pressure,
>and I kept forgetting the order in which to do this.

Oxygen at WHAT partial pressure? Details, man, we crave DETAILS!

>Furthermore, my
>underlings were a bunch of total feebs and seemed to be suffering from
>some kind of narcosis, maybe hypoxia from getting their valves opened
>and closed in the wrong order, and they were all occupied with sliding
>around on their boots on a smooth patch of the ice.

DR. MCIRVIN: Okay, men, suit up and begin drilling!

KOSMONAUT 1: You heard the man, you numbskulls! Suit up and begin
drilling!

KOSMONAUT 2: (connects CO2 release hose to Kosmonaut 3's O2 intake hose)

KOSMONAUT 3: (puts on baggy one-piece faux tuxedo coverall)

KOSMONAUTS 1 and 2 begin strapping KOSMONAUT 3 into a science-fictiony
dentist's chair. KOSMONAUT 1 produces a meter-long high-pressure
carbonized drill and attempts to drill KOSMONAUT 3's teeth.

KOSMONAUT 3: Yee-yee-yee-yee-yee!

KOSMONAUT 1: (smacking KOSMONAUT 2) Quiet, you numbskull!

KOSMONAUT 3: Yee-yee-yee-yee-yee!

DR MCIRVIN: What's wrong with him?

KOSMONAUT 2: I think he's got the pox!

KOSMONAUT 1: (consulting a large bound VOLUME labeled "Space Diseases")
That's hypOXia, you moron!

KOSMONAUT 3: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!

SLIMY AlIEN OCTOPOID CREATURE (appearing from hole in ice):
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! (attempts to mate with KOSMONAUT 3's
CO2 release hose)

>Somehow we managed
>to open up a smooth-walled shaft in the ice and put some bright lights
>down in there, and there was some sort of cylindrical device suspended
>in the middle and covered with blinking lights, but I don't know if
>we put it there or if it was there previously.

They say that Shaft is one smooth-walled muthaSHUT YOUR MOUTH!

>And then I was in some Eastern European country, under the awning of
>a sumptuous hotel, and I needed a taxi, but I discovered that in this
>country you had to buy tickets well in advance to ride the taxis.

Or else the taxi driver, after speaking in Swahili to his dispatcher,
becomes WILDLY PARANOID and insists that you are going to try and cheat
him out of his exorbitant fee and won't go to your destination until paid!
Wacky fun ensues!

--
Chimes peal joy. Bah. Joseph Michael Bay
Icy colon barge. Cancer Biology
sT4npH()rD uN1V3r5iTy M3d1K4L S/<()0L!!!!1
When encryption is outlawed, fO$t ^@3sVe) %4iG Vx@| /jNGe5x6@^.

[B. Chas Parisher]

Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>Samantha Wilkinson <sam...@world.std.com> wrote:
>> At least until 2 1/2 hours later when Matt woke me up when he got up to
>> shut the window because the music was bothering him [1] -- music which I
>> certainly didn't hear (even after awakened) until he pointed it out.

>In retrospect, I think it was The Cure. Someone was playing a The Cure
>album, loudly, at 4:30 in the morning.

Are you sure it wasn't 10:15 on a Saturday Night?

--B. Chas Parisher

[Michael Straight]

On 29 Sep 1997, Joseph Michael Bay wrote:

> mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) writes:
>
> >Samantha Wilkinson <sam...@world.std.com> wrote:
>

> >In retrospect, I think it was The Cure. Someone was playing a The Cure
> >album, loudly, at 4:30 in the morning.
>

> Well, most The Cure albums say on them "this album has been mixed to be
> played at high volumes so TURN IT UP" and the writing doesn't go away no
> matter how high you TURN IT UP, even if you turn it up to eleven, so
> generally people simply set the volume at maximum while listening to these
> albums. Unless they're very literal-minded or decide to figure out other
> ways to increase the volume.

You can increase the volume of a Cure album exponentially by increasing
the surface area. The best way is to hold it over a Bunsen burner and
stre-e-e-tch.

SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT