Locks, Schlock And (Gun) Barrels (News/Long)
Jonathan Blaque
TAYLOR, MI -- A man with an apparent hair fetish was acc-
used of stalking a long-haired 7-year-old girl and trying to
break into her home in an attempt to cut off her locks.
46-year-old Mark Philip Thackery is jailed on $100K -- charged
with stalking a minor and attempted home invasion.
The suspect approached the girl's mother at a garage sale at the
family's home last July and offered her $100 for the girl's pony-
tail, Sgt. Jeff Turner said.
"She, of course, freaked out and shooed him away,'' Turner said.
After that, the family - reported seeing him parked near their
home at least seven times. On April 7, the girl's father was in
his car when he noticed a man trying to open the front door to
their home. His wife and daughter, who were inside, called po-
lice while the father confronted the man, who then left.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
MIAMI -- A domestic argument turned deadly after Lionel Chery,
and his wife, Nadege Garcon, couldn't settle their differences.
Chery pulled a gun and shot his 30-year-old wife to death, then
shot his mother-in-law, Loiuse Garcon, before he turned the
gun on himself.
The couple's four children were in the home at the time of the
shooting, but they were not injured.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
DAYTON, OH -- 58-year-old Kenneth Nance, accused of killing
his minister during a Bible study class, has pleaded guilty to
an aggravated murder charge.
Our Hero will be sentenced April 26 for the death of Elder An-
drew Lofton, pastor of Christ Temple Apostolic Faith Church.
Lofton, 65, was the father of 11 adult children.
Detectives said Nance, a church choir member, shot Lofton 4
times during the class because of "differing theological interp-
retations of Revelation." Lofton died from bullet wounds in
his back and chest.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
WEST PALM BEACH -- Three children on the way home from
church perished as the van driven by their uncle veered off
the roadway and into a canal.
The van's driver, Michael Ellis, escaped without injury.
15 year-old Jean Ellis, her 12-year-old sister, Fiona, and their
7-year-old brother, Andrew had just left the Pahokee church
where their father is pastor.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
DAYTONA BEACH -- Craig Glover is dead after being shot in
the head Sunday during Black College Reunion.
Witnesses told police two men were arguing over a woman be-
fore the shooting started. Grover died in the hospital several
hours later.
Ansie Pierre of Miami, who was found a short distance away,
was shot in the abdomen, and remains hospitalized in stable
condition.
Despite the shootings and two stabbings, Mayor Bud Asher
said there were "no major problems" with the annual event.
Police confiscated 10 guns and made 328 arrests.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
DAYTON, OH -- A west-central Ohio couple has been charged
with neglecting and abusing their four children, ages 4-17,
who cannot speak and who never attended school.
Lucinda Sizemore said her children were born at home and do
not have birth certificates or Social Security numbers. Detect-
ives said the children were almost never allowed out of their
home, and communicated with each other by gibbering.
Sizemore and her husband, Edward, 41, are each being held in
lieu of $10K bond pending a pretrial hearing next week. The
children are in the custody of Children's Services.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And finally:
SACHSE, TX -- Police are investigating the death of a baby
born to a 13-year-old girl who allegedly was made pregnant by
her 16-year-old brother.
Sachse police today are awaiting results of an autopsy on the
tiny corpse by the M.E.'s office to determine if it was stillborn,
or if it died after birth.
The girl told her parents and police the infant, who was found
in a shallow grave in the backyard of the girl's Sachse home,
was stillborn. She said her brother sexually assaulted her last
July. The boy reportedly admitted the sexual incident when off-
icers questioned him. He was arrested late Monday on a charge
of juvenile delinquency/aggravated sexual assault.
The incident was discovered when the parents of the children
noticed a plastic bag poking out of the ground and queried their
daughter about it. She broke down and admitted there was a ba-
by inside the bag and that it was hers.
Cheers!
Vomit(II)
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother!
er... Papa's Got A Brand New Bag?
... How Deep Is Your Love?
"Fuck. I love the net. It proves the human race is, beyond any
doubt, a pack of liars, thieves, backstabbers and cowards."
-- Herry
ObObits:
LOS ANGELES -- Actress Ellen Corby, best known for her role
as Grandma Walton, has died at the Motion Picture & Television
Hospital. She was 87. ...."G'night, John Boy."
DANA POINT, CA -- 79-year-old Vander Pyl, who gave voice to Wil-
ma Flintstone, has died of lung cancer.
Pyl, who also was the voice of Rosie the Robot and Mrs. Spaceley
on The Jetsons, reportedly wanted to do a television commercial
as Wilma warning children not to start smoking.
"Everybody on the Flintstones smoked and all of them ended up
dying of smoking-related diseases," said her son.
Egg Plant
news:asleep-1604...@chf-il7-234.ix.netcom.com...
>
> DANA POINT, CA -- 79-year-old Vander Pyl, who gave voice to Wil-
> ma Flintstone, has died of lung cancer.
>
> Pyl, who also was the voice of Rosie the Robot and Mrs. Spaceley
> on The Jetsons, reportedly wanted to do a television commercial
> as Wilma warning children not to start smoking.
>
> "Everybody on the Flintstones smoked and all of them ended up
> dying of smoking-related diseases," said her son.
>
> --
> http://www.egroups.com/list/blaques-dungeon
Ummmm... I think her name was *Jean* Van der Pyl, but don't quote me. I'll
get back to you after I spend a couple hours watchin' the Cartoon
Channel.....
--
Eggplant
-------------------------
"You're just jealous because the voices in my head don't
talk to YOU."
-- J'raxis 270145
Jonathan Blaque
> Jonathan Blaque wrote
>> 79-year-old Vander Pyl, who gave voice to Wilma
>> Flintstone, has died of lung cancer.
> Ummmm... I think her name was *Jean* Van der Pyl,
> but don't quote me....
You are correct, sir.
Cheers!
Vomit(II)
Bitter Pyl
"Ooops. Stepped on my dick. My point stands, though."
-- Notorious P.I.G.
ObT: This morning's hangover was highlighted by the
worst (best?) bout of vomiting I've had in 10 years.
Ever see an entire tube of half-digested, Pizza-flavored
Pringles? The artificial coloring looks amazingly like
semi-clotted blood...
Either that, or... oh shit.
Io
>
> > but don't quote me....
>
> You are correct, sir.
>
> Cheers!
> Vomit(II)
> Bitter Pyl
>
> "Ooops. Stepped on my dick. My point stands, though."
>
> -- Notorious P.I.G.
Speak of the devil..
Where is Pigface?
Roberta Hatch
>> Cheers!
>> Vomit(II)
>> Bitter Pyl
>
>> "Ooops. Stepped on my dick. My point stands, though."
>>
>> -- Notorious P.I.G.
>Speak of the devil..
>Where is Pigface?
La Silva Beach.
Bobbi
---
Roberta Hatch '65 Panhead
Dykes on Bikes, San Francisco, CA (This space for rent)
A.Lizard
Blaque) wrote:
>A selection of leftover gems from the week gone by:
>
[snip]
>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
>DAYTON, OH -- 58-year-old Kenneth Nance, accused of killing
>his minister during a Bible study class, has pleaded guilty to
>an aggravated murder charge.
>
>Our Hero will be sentenced April 26 for the death of Elder An-
>drew Lofton, pastor of Christ Temple Apostolic Faith Church.
>
>Lofton, 65, was the father of 11 adult children.
>
>Detectives said Nance, a church choir member, shot Lofton 4
>times during the class because of "differing theological interp-
>retations of Revelation." Lofton died from bullet wounds in
>his back and chest.
"give me that old-time religion
give me that old-time religion
give me that old-time religion
it's good enough for me..."
This is the kind of Christian love and brotherhood we need more
of.
A.Lizard
************************************************************************
Personal Web site http://www.ecis.com/~alizard
For reliable year 2000 info, go to:
http://www.ecis.com/~alizard/y2k.html
backup address (if ALL else fails) ali...@usa.net
PGP 2.6.2 key available by request,keyserver,or on my Web site
************************************************************************
A.Lizard
Blaque) wrote:
>A selection of leftover gems from the week gone by:
>
[snip]
>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
>DAYTON, OH -- 58-year-old Kenneth Nance, accused of killing
>his minister during a Bible study class, has pleaded guilty to
>an aggravated murder charge.
>
>Our Hero will be sentenced April 26 for the death of Elder An-
>drew Lofton, pastor of Christ Temple Apostolic Faith Church.
>
>Lofton, 65, was the father of 11 adult children.
>
>Detectives said Nance, a church choir member, shot Lofton 4
>times during the class because of "differing theological interp-
>retations of Revelation." Lofton died from bullet wounds in
>his back and chest.
"give me that old-time religion
Alraune
<Eggp...@fuckyou.co.uk> writes:
>
>> DANA POINT, CA -- 79-year-old Vander Pyl, who gave voice to Wil-
>> ma Flintstone, has died of lung cancer.
>> dying of smoking-related diseases," said her son.
>>
Chesterfields. Parent groups complained and the spots were cancelled.
Alraune Not a cough in a carload
old Chesterfield slogan
Stephen Wells
Hatch) wrote:
> In article <37189E...@gte.net> no...@gte.net writes:
>
> >Where is Pigface?
>
> La Silva Beach.
>
> Bobbi
So how deep did you bury him?
--
Stephen Wells.
Mieulx est de ris que de larmes escrire,
Pour ce que rire est le propre de l'homme.
-Alcofribas Nasier
Jesse Brink
Mr. Crank <cinch...@fijfi.nerfball> wrote in article
<371b6a2c....@news.slurp.net>...
>old Chesterfield slogan
> Well, I'll be damned. I never knew that. That explains something I never
> knew I had a question about.
> I'm sure a lot of you saw the joke cigarettes way back when. They took a
> pack of Mexican cigarettes and wrapped a new package over the old one.
> At that point you had a cigarette pack with a picture of a kicking horse
> and a brand name of "Horseshit Cigarettes." Among other things written
> on the pack was, "Not a fart in a carload."
> It all makes sense now.
Reminds me of a cute high school prank a friend of mine pulled years ago.
There was some kid in their circle of friends who nobody really liked too
much. They all thought he was sort of dumb and obnoxious. The cool thing
with those guys was chewing copenhagen, so they decided to introduce their
not-much-of-a-friend to the joys of chewing. They got an empty copenhagen
can and filled it with powdered horse shit and packed it down good, and
then offered him some. They let him chew it for quite a while, listening
all the time to him saying how good it was, and how much he liked it. When
they told him what it really was, he got violent. Which proves, I suppose,
that chewing horse shit causes violence.
*********************************************************************
"Never throw shit at an armed man.
Never stand next to someone who is throwing shit at an armed man"
-Larry Niven
Lenore Levine
>ObT2: Chesterfields. Especially Chesterfield shorts. They tasted like
>horseshit.
How do you know?
Lenore "I can't wait to hear this one" Levine
--
"Gee, living cadavers, you can't cut them up for parts and you can't toture
them at parties." -- Doc
P Hoppe
"Mr. Crank" wrote:
>
> On 19 Apr 1999 22:57:32 GMT, lev...@orion.math.uiuc.edu (Lenore Levine)
> wrote:
>
> >cinch...@fijfi.nerfball (Mr. Crank) writes:
> >
> >>ObT2: Chesterfields. Especially Chesterfield shorts. They tasted like
> >>horseshit.
> >
> >How do you know?
> >
> >Lenore "I can't wait to hear this one" Levine
>
> Ah, shit...ya got me on that one. I suppose they tasted like how I
> *suppose* horseshit would taste.
>
> The only shit I've knowingly (and inadvertently) tasted is cat shit.
> Given a choice, I think I'd opt for horse shit.
>
> There's an a.t question: Given that you had to taste some shit, any
> shit, which shit would you pick?
>
> I'm guessing there's actually some palatable shit out there somewhere...
>
> --
> Mr. Crank
> ----------------------------
> Taxes--Thievery At Its Best!
> ----------------------------
--
"A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without a
bunch of bricks tied to its head."
"Yeah - I'm running Win 95 - like the other 98% of corporate PC users
who are not allowed to just go and willy-nilly install shit on their PCs
at work. Which is kind of ironic considering that Win95 is shit anyway...."
-quote from alt.flame.macintosh
"There are people who don't like capitalism, and there are people who
don't like PCs, but there's no one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft."
-BILL GATES
"If you can't make it good, make it look good."
-BILL GATES, 1995
Lenore Levine
>There's an a.t question: Given that you had to taste some shit, any
>shit, which shit would you pick?
>I'm guessing there's actually some palatable shit out there somewhere...
I understand that Micronesian fruit bats are eaten whole, contents
of their intestine and all. Since these animals only eat fruit,
said contents actually don't taste very bad.
ObTasteless: I'm sure they taste better than the food at the UIUC
cafeteria. That's not a dining establishment I remember very fondly,
trust me.
Lenore Levine
Alraune
Crank) writes:
>
>I'm sure a lot of you saw the joke cigarettes way back when. They took
>a pack of Mexican cigarettes and wrapped a new package over the old
>one. At that point you had a cigarette pack with a picture of a
>kicking horse and a brand name of "Horseshit Cigarettes."
When did they stop making candy cigarettes? The packages looked just
like Pall Malls.
>ObT: My evil cat nailed herself a mockingbird the other day. A second
>mockingbird takes every opportunity available to dive-bomb the kitty
>when she's outside. D'ya suppose the two mockingbirds were mates?
>
Not only that, the nest is in the area and thenother bird is protecting
the gene pool. I'm sure the revenge factor is there too, mockingbirds
are hateful bastards. They're feathered vermin, I don't care if they
are the state bird. Give kitty a tummy rub from her Uncle Al.
>ObT2: Chesterfields. Especially Chesterfield shorts. They tasted like
>horseshit.
Fuck that, try Lucky Strikes or Camels (the non-filters, of course).
After a few months on those, I had the stamina of a senior citizen.
And I was forever spitting out shreds of tobacco. But I was cool.
Alraune L.S.M.F.T.
Alraune
>
>From what I've read and been told, then if you *have* to eat shit for
>some reason, then a herbivore's shit is to be preferred over that of a
>carnivore. Tastewise, that is. And that's only what I've been told,
>you understand. I have never eaten shit.
>
>Well, just once when I accidentally wiped my hand over my mouth during
>a cleanup from a truly nasty attack of the shits that involved having
>to trash the underpants I was wearing at the time and it was an
>exceptional case and it only happened that one time, I swear. Anyway,
>it wasn't a nice taste.
>
How long did you have to gargle with Babo to get the taste out of your
mouth?
Alraune
Alraune
Crank) writes:
>
>Ah, shit...ya got me on that one. I suppose they tasted like how I
>*suppose* horseshit would taste.
>
>The only shit I've knowingly (and inadvertently) tasted is cat shit.
>Given a choice, I think I'd opt for horse shit.
>
Deliverer
Levine) wrote:
>cinch...@fijfi.nerfball (Mr. Crank) writes:
>
>>ObT2: Chesterfields. Especially Chesterfield shorts. They tasted like
>>horseshit.
>
>How do you know?
>
>Lenore "I can't wait to hear this one" Levine
Horseshit was something that he had to eat during survival training.
==deliverer==
Lucky guess
Pinhead the Cenobite
>In <371b6a2c....@news.slurp.net> cinch...@fijfi.nerfball (Mr.
>Crank) writes:
>>
>>I'm sure a lot of you saw the joke cigarettes way back when. They took
>>a pack of Mexican cigarettes and wrapped a new package over the old
>>one. At that point you had a cigarette pack with a picture of a
>>kicking horse and a brand name of "Horseshit Cigarettes."
>
>When did they stop making candy cigarettes? The packages looked just
>like Pall Malls.
That stopped when parents, newly awakened to the touchy-feely, new age
sentiments from the quacks at the various boards of health that these
seemingly innocent candy coffin nails could lead to harder stuff in
the future. Like real cigarettes...
...or Pop Rocks.
I wonder when the stick on tattoo will come under fire for enticing
kids to walk into Universal Tattoo and get ink done at the tender age
of 9 or so....
MikeM
abrac...@NOSPAM.fuckyou.co.uk (Pinhead the Cenobite)
wrote:
>I wonder when the stick on tattoo will come under fire for enticing
>kids to walk into Universal Tattoo and get ink done at the tender age
>of 9 or so....
All I know is *my* kid's not getting any more "temporary"
tattoos.
She got one in a plastic Easter egg, we applied it, and the
stupid thing wouldn't wash off for weeks. We scrubbed her
little arm raw and still there was the outline of a smiling
green space alien. I thought we were going to have to
amputate before I discovered that good old dad spit was
effective where several cleansers weren't.
MikeM
ObT: The thing growing on the ear of the Indian convenience
store owner I saw last weekend. It was 2-3 inches long,
gnarled, and whitish. It looked just like a really long
cigarette ash.
I almost giggled out loud as I contemplated diving over the
counter, ripping it off his head, and running out of the
store with it.
Randy Snott
>I understand the "vein" along the back of a shrimp is actually the
>shrimp's intestine, and *not* a vein. So a "deveined" shrimp is one
>that's been gutted properly, I guess. Anybody know differently? (I.e. is
>Crank full of shit on this?)
>
You are absolutely right. I worked at a fish market for awhile and
spent many tedious hours removing the intestinal tract from many a
shrimp.
The bitchy customers got the tract rubbed lovingly into the shrimp
meat for hours of flavorful fun.
- Randy Snott
"May be placed into tard mouths for hours of amusement" - Furplay
Alraune
(Proctalgia) writes:
>
>Alraune <alr...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>> How long did you have to gargle with Babo to get the taste out of
>> your mouth?
>
>You all know what a Fleet enema looks like? A giant toothpaste tube
>with a long nozzle to insert up your fundament. A shaped cap covers
>the nozzle. I recall one LPN who was giving a double to an obese
>patient; she squeezed in the first, put it behind her on her trolley,
>leant forward and re-separated the mega-buttocks and reached behind
>her for the second Fleet enema. Not having a free hand she bit down on
>the cap to remove it. There was no cap. Yes folks, she picked up the
>used one.
>
>I don't think I had ever seen a face go truly green till then. And
>you're right about the mouthwash - about two bottles of Scope before
>she pinked up.
>
Babo is a cleansing powder, actually. I don't think Scope would cut it.
Listerine, maybe.
ObDUI: If most all mouthwashes contain alchohol, and you use one before
driving, wouldn't you register on a breathalyzer even if you haven't
had anything to drink? I bought a breathalyzer from a Corvette
accessories catalog years ago, but it registered high. I showed legally
drunk on one beer, which is an impossibility if you weigh over 175
pounds.
Alraune
Steve Daniels
Crank) said:
>There's an a.t question: Given that you had to taste some shit, any
>shit, which shit would you pick?
Yeast.
--
Love me . . .
love my dog.
Slightly Askew
> driving, wouldn't you register on a breathalyzer even if you haven't
> had anything to drink? I bought a breathalyzer from a Corvette
> accessories catalog years ago, but it registered high. I showed legally
> drunk on one beer, which is an impossibility if you weigh over 175
> pounds.
Anyone know what ever happened to that invention they came out with that
required you blow into a tube to test your BAL before your car would start?
I had big plans, when that hit the open market, to walk around the bars and
charge 5 bucks a blow to asshole drunks who needed it.
ObT: Purposely not clarifying that last sentence to see what kind of insults
you freaks can hurl my way.
SA
--
"I'm sorry, John, but my time is precious to me, and frankly I would rather
have my appendix removed by baboons wielding unsterilized tuna-can lids than
spend so much as five minutes listening to you and Elaine as you once again
describe, item by item, in intricate detail, the late-night buffet on the
cruise you took in 1983."
Alraune
Crank) writes:
>
>I've mentioned this before--the French have a delicacy called an
>ortolan. It's a small brownish Old World bunting (so sez the
>dictionary), that's fattened in a small cage, and when the time comes
>they kill it (somehow), defeather it, and drop it in a special ortolan
>frying pan. There, the bird cooks in its own fat. (I don't recall if
>they have a special pre-death diet, other than to fatten them up.)
>
They're fed on brandy. That's what helps clean them out, and gives the
meat a special flavor. I wonder what I'll taste like when I go to join
Lester B.? I hear the inner thigh has the tenderest cuts.
Alraune
St. K
> I understand that Micronesian fruit bats are eaten whole, contents
> of their intestine and all. Since these animals only eat fruit,
> said contents actually don't taste very bad.
Now you've stirred up a poorly remembered memory. Does anybody know the
name of the little bird that is such a delicacy to the French that it is
illegal to eat. I remember that former Frog Commie PM Mitterand
travelled to North Africa or somewhere to eat some for his last meal
before Mr. C nabbed him. The birds were poached by some renegade
Basques or something.
Eating this little avian, whole--bones, beak, innards, and all, involves
some kind of screwy ritual that features hiding your head under a napkin
while you eat li'l tweety so Glub can't see you while you're doing it.
It is supposed to be the most incredible gastronomic sensation a human
can ever experience, like a lifetime's worth of orgasms flooding over
you at once. Can any of you booger-eaters help "flesh" out this story.
LINCARD 1000
<slig...@iquest.fishing-gear> wrote:
>Anyone know what ever happened to that invention they came out with that
>required you blow into a tube to test your BAL before your car would start?
>I had big plans, when that hit the open market, to walk around the bars and
>charge 5 bucks a blow to asshole drunks who needed it.
>
>ObT: Purposely not clarifying that last sentence to see what kind of insults
>you freaks can hurl my way.
Errr, "This towns not big enough for the both of us"? Not an insult,
but an imagined response to someone hustling in on my territory.
LINCARD "more of a man than you will ever be, more of a woman than you
will ever get" 1000
-----
"You can bury your throbbing turtleneck togged tube of torment
of Tantulus between my sultry spheres of slurp. And I want you
to take your eye, and use it as a ben-wa ball, and you can
fish it out with your tongue....a most definitely delicious
vacation from the dreary mid-west, don't you think?"
- Aemilia, A.T, March '99
St. K
>
> > ObDUI: If most all mouthwashes contain alchohol, and you use one before
> > driving, wouldn't you register on a breathalyzer even if you haven't
I saw a guy skate on a DWI one time because he sprayed breath freshener
spray into his mouth just before he blew the breathalyzer (is there a
sticking your dick in the pickle slicer angle here?) and scored
impossibly high. The cops let him wait until the alcohol in his mouth
evaporated, and I guess the alcohol in his lungs/bloodstream got
processed in the same amount of time. Years later a friend learned from
his AA buddies to carry listerine in his car to duplicate this trick.
My friend was only in AA because he'd racked up a DWI.
Pinhead the Cenobite
>In <1dqjsle.1et3xv85ngywsN@[192.168.1.2]> no_r...@amnesia.com
>(Proctalgia) writes:
>>
>>Alraune <alr...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
>>> How long did you have to gargle with Babo to get the taste out of
>>> your mouth?
>>
>>You all know what a Fleet enema looks like?
[clip]
>ObDUI: If most all mouthwashes contain alchohol, and you use one before
>driving, wouldn't you register on a breathalyzer even if you haven't
>had anything to drink?
I worked for a vet who's favourite tactic was keeping a travel sized
bottle of Colgate 100 mouthwash in the glove box of his Caddy. If he
came on a Road Check, he'd swig a touch of this and would indeed blow
high. *Very* high. *Astronomicaly* fucking high. Seems the alcohol so
saturated the mouth, that the reading was thrown out immediately,
since the reading was evidently so high that the driver would have to
be in a near comatose state to read so high.
Pinhead the Cenobite
>On Tue, 20 Apr 1999 12:21:04 GMT,
>abrac...@NOSPAM.fuckyou.co.uk (Pinhead the Cenobite)
>wrote:
>
>>I wonder when the stick on tattoo will come under fire for enticing
>>kids to walk into Universal Tattoo and get ink done at the tender age
>>of 9 or so....
>
>All I know is *my* kid's not getting any more "temporary"
>tattoos.
>
>She got one in a plastic Easter egg, we applied it, and the
>stupid thing wouldn't wash off for weeks. We scrubbed her
>little arm raw and still there was the outline of a smiling
>green space alien.
I hate to say it, Mike, I really do, but... You sound kind of, well,
anal. Now if yer sprog had a temp tatty of a rampant, engorged,
thickly veined choad plumbing the depths of the great gushing gash, I
might have something more of a grip on this factoid.
>I thought we were going to have to
>amputate before I discovered that good old dad spit was
>effective where several cleansers weren't.
You *did* use some acetone (nail polish remover), did you not?
Hello Kittyhawk
Steve Daniels <dan...@cdsnet.net> wrote:
|On Tue, 20 Apr 1999 00:47:35 GMT, cinch...@fijfi.nerfball (Mr.
|Crank) said:
|
|>There's an a.t question: Given that you had to taste some shit, any
|>shit, which shit would you pick?
|
|Yeast.
yeast doesn't shit, but it farts & pisses some
interesting things. The solid part is dead bodies.
ObAlc: the yeast prepared to make classic european
wheat beer smells like a mouse died in it & fermented
for a week, then an old dirty dishrag was squeezed
out into it. Surprisingly, the resulting beer is
nicely spicy, with only a faint mushroom undertaste.
--
,u, Bruce Becker Toronto, Ontario 1 416 699 1868
a \i\ Internet: b...@gts.org Uucp: ...!gts!bdb
`/o/-e Hypocrisy is written large in the human genome.
_\ >_ - C. A. Michaels
Nathan J Nagel
(Gun.. by Alr...@ix.netcom.com
> ObDUI: If most all mouthwashes contain alchohol, and you use one before
> driving, wouldn't you register on a breathalyzer even if you haven't
> accessories catalog years ago, but it registered high. I showed legally
> drunk on one beer, which is an impossibility if you weigh over 175
> pounds.
>
Not tasteless, but I see at lest one other a.t.'er posts on r.a.driving....
don't you post under another name there though?
n
ObT: my somewhat annoying girlfriend left town for two weeks and left a
whoe crapload of trash festering outside our door. I came home to a bag
of warm cat shit (among the usual beer bottles and other household
debris) and a nastygram from the apartment complex. I ought to stash
the cat shit in the outside closet and then leave it on her desk the day
she's coming back. Anyone got an apartment to rent near DC? I don't
know how much more of this I can take, esp. since the anal retentive
bastards that run this compound^H^H^H^Hplex are already pissed at me
about that little front suspension job I did on the Scirocco in the
parking lot...
NurzRachet
<snip smoke chat>
> Alraune L.S.M.F.T.
Good ol' Luckies. We had our own translation for the famous acronym:
Loose Straps Mean Floppy Tits
-- and --
Let's Screw, My Finger's Tired
There are a couple "seasoned" wenches at work who still smoke those
stubby thoracic surgery goldmines. One of the babes in particular is
someone who is a total klutz at everything she does, yet she handles a
dwindling burning stub with the precision of a (hate to use this term)
cardiac surgeon. I've even seen her scrape tobacco from the bottom of
her purse to stuff back into a smashed smoke wrapper. Now *that's*
dedication.
ObCough: Long-term serious smokers have the most interesting lungs, a
sort of smorgasborg of slime. Running my fingers along the diseased
ridges of a sclerotic lobe is almost orgasmic, as I imagine that
black/gray/red-streaked slime I'm scooping with my fingers is almost as
delicious as swiping my finger through one of those chocolate frosting
containers.
Yum! Who wants to lick the bowl?
Nurzy
~slurp~
MikeM
>I hate to say it, Mike, I really do, but... You sound kind of, well,
>anal.
>Now if yer sprog had a temp tatty of a rampant, engorged,
>thickly veined choad plumbing the depths of the great gushing gash, I
>might have something more of a grip on this factoid.
*That* might have made the little town-run Easter hug hunt
that yeilded the temporary tattoo at least bearable.
As it was I had to be satisfied with the only mildly
tasteless spectacle of grown up adults pushing other
people's toddlers to the ground so that their own precious
spawn could collect more cheap, toy filled plastic Easter
eggs than anyone else.
>>I thought we were going to have to
>>amputate before I discovered that good old dad spit was
>>effective where several cleansers weren't.
>
>You *did* use some acetone (nail polish remover), did you not?
It crossed my mind to try out the muriatic acid some of the
construction workers left in the garage after acid washing
the roof. Didn't have to though, since my spit was caustic
enough.
MikeM -- Still trying to get over being called "anal".
ObT: Noticed yesterday that a stretch of US 1 south of here
is officially designated the "Johnson-Grogan Highway". If I
ever get a digital camera I'll take a picture of the sign
and post it.
John Millington
: cinch...@fijfi.nerfball (Mr. Crank) writes:
: >There's an a.t question: Given that you had to taste some shit, any
: >shit, which shit would you pick?
: >I'm guessing there's actually some palatable shit out there somewhere...
: I understand that Micronesian fruit bats are eaten whole, contents
: of their intestine and all. Since these animals only eat fruit,
: said contents actually don't taste very bad.
Might make a nice meal if you wash it down with some yeast shit.
Yog-Sothoth Neblod Zin,
John Millington
St. K
>
> On Tue, 20 Apr 1999 15:49:33 -0700, "St. K" <ksa...@uafphpl.uark.edu>
> wrote:
>
> >It is supposed to be the most incredible gastronomic sensation a human
> >can ever experience, like a lifetime's worth of orgasms flooding over
> >you at once. Can any of you booger-eaters help "flesh" out this story.
>
Me? Pay attention? I'm ADD-DWI. On to the next cocktail, until I get
bored with it. Pay your bills!
Brian Davis
> I understand that Micronesian fruit bats are eaten whole, contents
> of their intestine and all. Since these animals only eat fruit,
> said contents actually don't taste very bad.
And babies drink only milk, so... Will you be letting us know if the
analogy holds up?
> "Gee, living cadavers, you can't cut them up for parts and you can't toture
> them at parties." -- Doc
ObT: Gramps. No burial or cremation for him. He donated his body to
science so he could be dissected. <Sniff> Makes me proud to descend
from such stock!
Egg Plant
MikeM <bush...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:371dd466...@news.gte.net...
>
> ObT: Noticed yesterday that a stretch of US 1 south of here
> is officially designated the "Johnson-Grogan Highway". If I
> ever get a digital camera I'll take a picture of the sign
> and post it.
Dare ya to get the resulting image tatooed on yer taint.
Eggplant
edg...@my-dejanews.com
> MikeM -- Still trying to get over being called "anal".
Er... it was a green smiley guy, right? Not exactly a satanic
icon, nor Hell's Angel tatts. Loosen up doodah. Looks as though
you will just have to accept the moniker, at least until being
called anal is no longer something you feel a need to 'get over'.
Logical, eh?
> officially designated the "Johnson-Grogan Highway". If I
> ever get a digital camera I'll take a picture of the sign
> and post it.
Mail me a hard copy photo and I'll gladly digitize it for you.
--
Randall G. Prince
obT:
Late seventies, Johnny Carson show... I remember a guest,
some old fart from Iowa or Nebraska was going on about
his soup supposedly made of cow-shit. I took it as some
sort of lark, competing perhaps with the shock tv of the
time, 'Saturday Night Live'. The guest never gave in to
the joke, he remained sincere and steadfast in his tales
of wondrous health benefits from his soup as a dietary
supplement.
Is this a real memory or some chemically induced vision? Ah...
the seventies... I remember them... well... sorta.
"Reality is for folks that can't handle drugs."
(emblazoned on the Tee-shirt that cost me some detention time - 1972)
"Being asked to leave the monastary due to a masturbation
compulsion is *not* a comfirmation of tastelessness, it only
proves you're a jerk-off."
E-mail: Ran...@thedge.mung.com
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
Hello Kittyhawk
Egg Plant <eggpla...@hotmail.com> wrote:
|
|MikeM <bush...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
|news:371dd466...@news.gte.net...
|>
|> ObT: Noticed yesterday that a stretch of US 1 south of here
|> ever get a digital camera I'll take a picture of the sign
|> and post it.
|
|
that is completely hilarious, both as a joke &
as a concindence, since I told a woman yesterday
that I would get a naked picture of her tattooed
onto my taint by photo-etching
ObT: which direction should I orient the tattoo in?
I'm thinking the nose should be closest to the ball
sack, if Lorri's preferences are the measure to
judge by
rasp
Ortolans are songbirds, once common in
southwestern France, now rare
and protected by law. For centuries, the French
have considered them
delicacies, and an elaborate ritual of preparing
and eating them became part
of any gourmet's rites of passage. Today it's
illegal in France to serve them
commercially. But Ducasse managed to find 50
ortolans (they are about the
size of lemons and cost $50 each) and brought
them to the United States in
a diplomatic pouch. He also brought along a
$15,000, 1,000-pound
gas-fired rotisserie and a chef, Marc Valet, to
Le Cirque to cook the birds.
Ducasse carefully set the stage. Handing out
large napkins specially
embroidered for the event with the chefs' names,
he explained that the
ortolans would come out sizzling in small
casseroles. Each diner would put
a napkin over his or her head, grasp the bird by
the beak and eat it whole
from the neck. (A restaurateur in the Rhône told
me he once saw Bocuse
eat two dozen ortolans at a sitting, tiny beaks
rimming his plate like a
crown.) The napkin was essential: It captured all
the savory aromas and hid
the guilty diner from the eyes of the law and the
Lord.
Peter Kump, president of the Beard Foundation,
visibly emotional, rose to
say that he had long heard of ortolans, but had
never eaten one before, and
described his sensations in almost mystical
terms. Valet said that probably
never again would he roast 50 ortolans at one
time. Some of the journalists
were squeamish. Most ate with relish. One decided
to bite the hand that fed
her. The next day's Daily News splashed the birds
on the cover with the
headline "Rare Bird Killed for N.Y. Feast" and
quoted animal rights
activists calling the ortolan dish "inappropriate
and probably unethical."
"Even if there were only 500 ortolans left in the
world, we should eat 50 of
them," Ducasse responded. "Keep the species
alive, yes, but also a
tradition of hunting and eating that's lasted for
centuries and become almost
a myth. In 1994 in France, it's likely that not
even 500 people ate an
ortolan. It's part of our soul, and it's
disappearing."
Fin de siècle. An era is coming to an end, a way
of life with its roots in the
Middle Ages, that began with ortolans and reached
a peak with this
century's great French cuisine. Bocuse is a
legend because he is a living link
with that great past. Le Cirque is its most
brilliant outpost in America. But
as Ducasse sadly recognized, the times are
changing. You can read all
about it in the Daily News.
Rasp
ObT: As if sitting at a table with a bunch of smelly Frenchman
eating whole birds the size of lemons under a napkin isn't
tasteless enough...
MikeM
wrote:
> bush...@hotmail.com (MikeM) wrote:
>
>> MikeM -- Still trying to get over being called "anal".
>
>Er... it was a green smiley guy, right? Not exactly a satanic
>icon, nor Hell's Angel tatts. Loosen up doodah. Looks as though
>you will just have to accept the moniker, at least until being
>called anal is no longer something you feel a need to 'get over'.
>Logical, eh?
I meant "get over" in the sense that in reality I'm the
polar opposite of "anal". Of course, all my protesting is
making even *me* feel like I'm a pretty puckered bunghole.
So yeah, I'll drop it.
MikeM -- I can call you Betty... you can call me "anAL"
ObT: Read somewhere that within *40 Minutes* of the start
of the shooting a dozen free-lance "counsellors" had
decended on Columbine High School. *Lawyers* could learn a
thing or two from those vultures.
LFalli
>of the shooting a dozen free-lance "counsellors" had
>decended on Columbine High School. *Lawyers* could learn a
>thing or two from those vultures.
Strangely enough, it is an ethical violation for a lawyer to descend so
quickly. Lawyers can lose their licenses for doing that. So, what have we
learned. Counsellors can get away with things the smelly attorneys wouldn't
even think of.
ObT: Classic legal case: Del Rey v. Sun City where a nearby subdivision sued
a pig/cattle farm because of the smell and flies associated with the 100,000
pounds of animal manure developed each day. The subdivision convinced the
court to force the animals to move. The farm convinced the court to make the
subdivision pay for the move.
Love
LTrain
3 year law student
-Law and justice are as related as grades and intelligence.
reuben pickering
<snip>
> Fuck that, try Lucky Strikes or Camels (the non-filters, of course).
> After a few months on those, I had the stamina of a senior citizen.
> And I was forever spitting out shreds of tobacco. But I was cool.
>
> Alraune L.S.M.F.T.
>
>
Unfiltered Pall Mall 100's. Had a grandfather who liked
these almost as much as Chesterfields. Some really cool
French cigarettes. Gauloises? maybe, I think. Filter
appeared to be cotton wadding. Smoke tasted like hot asphalt
fumes. Lungs felt sandpapered after smoking one. Clove
cigarettes. Krakatoa Kretek is the only brand-name I can
remember, although there were a couple of others. Quite big
with high school kids, early to mid 80's. A pack contained
ten. A pack and a half a day clove habit would have you
coughing blood inside of 6 months. I always hated the
sickly-sweet smell of these wafting over the local punk-rock
hangouts I frequented back then. I took up smoking big,
expensive cigars as a form of revenge. After 2 puffs, you
can't really smell anything anymore, but everyone around you
starts making faces. Very amusing. I would also offer a drag
to someone suffering from acute nicotine withdrawal and
watch as they tried to decide whether or not to put the
half-dissolved, tobacco-slobber soaked end to their lips or
go on suffering. When they took it, many didn't realize that
cigars are not usually inhaled. Then you could watch them
turn red, double over and begin hacking convulsively.
ObStupid: Saw in the paper today that some high schools have
decided to ban trench coats. To paraphrase a hackneyed old
slogan: Trench coats don't kill people, psychopathic
assholes kill people.
ObT: My dog knocked a metal folding chair down on herself.
The unexpected impact and the clanging frightened her so
badly that she sprayed liquishit on the living room rug and
a couple of pieces of furniture. After she ceased yelping
and cringing, she licked all but a few spots of it up.
Lots42
news:371dd466...@news.gte.net...
>
> ObT: Noticed yesterday that a stretch of US 1 south of here
> is officially designated the "Johnson-Grogan Highway". If I
> ever get a digital camera I'll take a picture of the sign
> and post it.
Way back when someone told of an Irish pub named "Grogan". Seems they had a
website so I took some time and emailed them a thorough explanation. I believe
they were quite bemused.
"Hey, Martha! Some Yankee's telling us 'Grogan' means a buncha shit!"
Hee hee hee.
ObT: Not a Scooby-Doo and gang orgy.
A pup named Scooby-Doo and gang orgy.
--
Remove 1 aol.com to reply
My other car is a Stealth bomber - "Pull my finger." - Superman
"When life gives you a lemon, pull out a gun and start shooting."
Pinhead the Cenobite
wrote:
>Alraune wrote:
><snip>
>> Fuck that, try Lucky Strikes or Camels
[...]
>Unfiltered Pall Mall 100's. Had a grandfather who liked
>these almost as much as Chesterfields. Some really cool
>French cigarettes. Gauloises? maybe
They're called Gitanes.
ObT: When I was a lad of the tender age of 15 and was caught smoking
for the second time by the 'rents, my dad went out and got me a pack
of these. For those of you not familiar with Gitanes, think of pipe or
cigar tobbaco parading as a cigarette, unfiltered. Anyway, he sat me
down and started me up smoking. And smoking and smoking. The whole
world took on a hazy yellowish appearance (my mom told me later that
the whites of my eyes took on a yellow hue). He was insisting that I
chain smoke the entire contents of the pack. Needless to say I smoked
until I puked my dinner of fish n' chips not once, not twice, but 3
times and was on the verge of passing out. It was my dad's primitive
attempt at "aversion therapy". The next morning I awoke thinking
"Damn, I need a cigarette".
ObT2: Having smoked since grade *3*...
--
KMFDM doesn't kill people, idiots kill people.
[Remove NOSPAM to reply]
Alraune
writes:
>Unfiltered Pall Mall 100's. Had a grandfather who liked
>these almost as much as Chesterfields.
My aunt used to smoke Chesterfields, she had cartons of them in her
pantry. Did cigarettes used to some in wooden boxes like cigars, back
in the 60's? That's the way I remember them.
My uncle turned me on to cigarettes when I was about fourteen. He sent
me into a store to buy some Belairs for him. I don't know why he
couldn't get them himself, maybe he was barred from buying cigarettes
because he coughed up a lung in the store. He had a horrible cough,
like harshing out on a seed hit. I remember him discussing various
cough remedies with my aunt's cleaning lady, another chainsmoker.
Both of them died of lung cancer, but, hey, they were old. At least
they enjoyed themselves.
Anyway, I was sent onto the store despite my protests that they
wouldn't sell them to me. I remember passing a woman with real, two
inch chin whiskers and a body like a sack of Chernobyl potatos. I
walked out with a fresh pack of Belairs. My uncle didn't let me keep
the change, and he didn't offer me a smoke. My aunt would have given
him another bris with a butcher knife if she'd smelled ciggies on me.
But a year later, when I bought my own pack of smokes, it was Belairs.
If I remember correctly, I soon moved on to Kools, then Lucky Strikes,
Camels (before they added filters for all of you pussies), Marlboros,
Winchesters, back to Marlboros, then Marlboro 100's, then finally
Marlboro Light 100's. Then I quit.
Alraune I'd rather switch than fight.
reuben pickering
> in the 60's? That's the way I remember them.
>
I seem to remember that cartons were cardboard, packs were
paper or cardboard, same as now. I'm hardly an authority on
this, though, as when the 60's ended, I was 5. Maybe snob
brands like Shermans (I don't mean the ones that used to be
sold in the ghetto before crack got popular), or English
Ovals or something.
ObT: A reminiscence from 14 or 15 years ago: watching these
two girls inject a solution of spit in which they had soaked
a few squares of crappy blotter acid. The syringe they
shared belonged to a third party. The concoction had been
mixed up in an empty lipstick tube . They wondered why they
suffered tremors and a general feeling of unwellness 15
minutes later.
BRaines000
writes:
>Each diner would put a napkin over his or her head, grasp the bird by
>the beak and eat it whole from the neck. (A restaurateur in the Rhône told
>me he once saw Bocuse eat two dozen ortolans at a sitting, tiny beaks
>rimming his plate like a crown.) The napkin was essential: It captured all
>the savory aromas and hid the guilty diner from the eyes of the law and
>the Lord.
Yeah, right. No doubt someone's idea of a joke that stuck.
"And before eating it, you must chant these words to help clear the throat
so you'll taste all the flavor..."