'Times That I Remember'
Toby Dawn Antworth
All the best
Toby Dawn
http://www.atlanticmusician.com/TobyDawn/
Times That I Remember
Toby Dawn
March 2001
(V1)
This morning I awoke crying in my sleep
The birds were singing it was so sweet
As I lay in bed dreaming about the past
Thinking today I'll get over you at last
Chorus
These are the times that I remember without you
These are the times that I remember without you
(V2)
I saw someone that looked like you
My heart skipped a beat could it be true
Angry with myself for feeling that way
Wishing I could make for a better day
Chorus
(V3)
Love can be fleeting it comes and it goes
You take what you're given, and you give what you know
Learning to accept is the greatest challenge of all
Knowing without you that I will not fall
Chorus (3 x)
Arty Smokes
"Toby Dawn Antworth" <toby...@nb.sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:IRTQ6.7032$aW4.7...@news-nb00s0.nbnet.nb.ca...
> I haven't posted one of my songs for awhile. Opinions welcomed.:)
I identify with the words. The love of my life has just left town and I'll
probably never see her ever again.
"All life is suffering"
--
Cheers, Arty.
http://www.smokindesign.co.uk
"I smoke because I'm hoping for an early death and I need something to
cling to."
Craig Ramseur
>"All life is suffering" - First Noble Truth
"but there is a cause for the suffering, and a path out of this suffering
life."--Noble Truths 2 and 3.
>--
>Cheers, Arty.
Peace and lovingkindness (to yourself and others),
Craig
Arty Smokes
"Craig Ramseur" <cr...@panix.com> wrote in message
news:90B28AEB7c...@167.206.112.134...
>
> >"All life is suffering" - First Noble Truth
>
> "but there is a cause for the suffering, and a path out of this
suffering
> life."--Noble Truths 2 and 3.
Yeah, but it's not supposed to involve "intoxicating liquor or drugs".
(Noble truth No. 4)
> Peace and lovingkindness (to yourself and others),
Thanks Craig. Ommmmmmmmm. ;o)
Hatchetjobforu
applause is necessary.
"Toby Dawn Antworth" <toby...@nb.sympatico.ca> wrote in message news:<IRTQ6.7032$aW4.7...@news-nb00s0.nbnet.nb.ca>...
> Times That I Remember
> Toby Dawn
> March 2001
>
> (V1)
> This morning I awoke crying in my sleep
Were you awake or asleep?
> The birds were singing it was so sweet
> As I lay in bed dreaming about the past
> Thinking today I'll get over you at last
Overall, not a bad first verse. Sets off my cheese alarm, but not too
bad. Unfortunately, it's as good as it gets. The rest is all
downhill, with a wind at our backside.
> Chorus
>
> These are the times that I remember without you
> These are the times that I remember without you
I'm afraid this doesn't sound much like a chorus. Mantra, perhaps.
If this were a Greek Chorus, then sure, I could see a bunch of
wooden-faced thespians swaying back and forth, chanting. But it
ain't, and I can't. Does this even fit rhythmically with the rest of
the song?
> (V2)
> I saw someone that looked like you
> My heart skipped a beat could it be true
Wow, you took the easy way out on this one. Instead of sweating over
a good, original line, you dug out your old hair metal lyric books and
came up with "Could it be true." Trite. Very trite, very phony. And
life is full of strife too, eh?
> Angry with myself for feeling that way
> Wishing I could make for a better day
Again. Easy way out. I'm not even sure what the strict definition of
"make for a better day" is. I do suspect, however, that if you'd
slept on it a few more times, you could have done better than this. I
hope so, anyhow.
> Chorus
>
> (V3)
> Love can be fleeting it comes and it goes
> You take what you're given, and you give what you know
> Learning to accept is the greatest challenge of all
Is learning to accept the greatest challenge? I mean really. You
can't think of anything harder? Some folks won't accept your
assumption here.
> Knowing without you that I will not fall
Hair metal again. I can just hear Extreme singing this line through a
haze of hair spray and cocaine. This is bad. Speaking of Extreme,
what the hell was Van Halen thinking when they offered Gary Cherone
the lead slot in their group? Ah well, at least they learned before
he could muck up another album.
> Chorus (3 x)
The chorus never was stellar, so let's not chorus this song to death,
huh?
Happily willing and waiting for the rewrite, I am faithfully yours,
Hatchetjobforu
Snabbu
Toby Dawn Antworth wrote:
Hi Toby
I don't usually comment on lyrics only, I went to your site and I
couldn't find a recording of this song up yet. And because these are
basic love lyrics and probably not as important too the overall song as
the melody will be, it is not really valid for me to comment too much
on them.
After having read the excessively unkind post from hatchet I felt
compelled to make the following comments.
I disagree with everything hatchet says.
Hatchet is speaking through an orifice usually reserved for defecating.
My advice to you is to disregard everything said in that post.
As you and I both know the final lyrical edits happen when the melody is
written and you are rehearsing the song for recording and yes there are
changes that could be made at that stage, but what they are? who could
know without the tune.
I have just reread your lyric and yes Leonard Cohen it isn't but neither
is it KC and the Sunshine Band either.
Please let us know when the song is up.
Cheers
Gary
-- -- semper sume remedium ante casum
http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/188/gary_yeomans.html
Toby Dawn Antworth
"Snabbu" <sna...@optushome.com.au> wrote in message
news:3B181F49...@optushome.com.au...
Hi Gary,
Thanks for coming through for me! Canucks always did have a special place
in their hearts for you Aussies. LOL LOL
All the best
Toby:)
Richard Wilcox
>Hi folks - decided to pop around and see what was shaking here. No
>applause is necessary.
Hi Hatchet,
Um, well I too have a lyric up at RMMS recently and you chose this one to do
your job on.
Final proof that you have no taste, no worthwhile opinion, and really don't
know what you are talking about.
Bet you were the child that broke all your toys, too.
So Sad.
Richard
Songwriting & creative links - now updated.
http://www.angelfire.com/music2/richhoncho/index.htm
Half a dozen songs at
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/richhoncho.htm
Hatchetjobforu
> Um, well I too have a lyric up at RMMS recently and you chose this one to do
> your job on.
Sorry, Rich, I didn't see yours floating about. I apologize if you
feel neglected or that the chosen song is getting some sort of special
attention you feel yours deserve. I promise to pay better attention
in the future when I visit the group.
> Final proof that you have no taste, no worthwhile opinion, and really don't
> know what you are talking about.
Because I reviewed a song that wasn't yours I have no taste? Wow, and
people think I insult songwriters!
You are welcome to vehemently disagree with what I have to say, to pay
it heed or not, and to provide your own commentary. Some people here
have thanked me for not sugar-coating everything and joining in the
lyrical circle jerk in which we all pat ourselves on the back for a
job well done no matter how poorly. Excuse my choice of imagery...
maybe there's a song in there somewhere. Others have decided to get
defensive. So be it.
> Bet you were the child that broke all your toys, too.
Maybe so - were you the one who bought all the over-commercialized,
umimaginative ones?
> So Sad.
Not really. :D
Richard Wilcox
>feel neglected or that the chosen song is getting some sort of special
>attention you feel yours deserve. I promise to pay better attention
>in the future when I visit the group
No, Hatchet, I merely said if you wanted to berate lyrics for being substandard
then you should have picked mine. At least then we would be in agreement.
>Maybe so - were you the one who bought all the over-commercialized,
>umimaginative ones?
No, I gave up buying commercial records at an age you were still thowing toys
out of your pram.
Any way, what's your problem? Don't you like HatchetjobsforU?
:D