speaking of amputations
well, it sure smelled like it...
busy urban paramedic service. My unit received a call for a "pedestrian
struck." Upon arrival, we found an elderly woman that had been struck by
a passing tractor-trailer, and had been dragged several yards. The scene
was not pretty - she had just finished grocery shopping and was crossing
the street when she was hit. Groceries everywhere. I was working my way
towards a nearly undamaged package of Oreo cookies (the cops already nabbed
a really nice two-pound cut of Black Angus beef - bastards) when my partner
noticed that this woman's left leg was nearly amputated. It was, in his
words "only hanging on by a few strips." If you've ever worked an amputation,
the last thing you want to do on-scene is to roll the patient onto a board,
while one part of him/her does not. It's always a crowd pleaser - several
gasps, maybe a few people genuflecting, not nearly enough "oh the humanity"'s.
Anyway, the decision was made to cut the rea
remaining strips of flesh away, so an awkward scene would not follow. This
also left the opportunity to leave the leg near a bag of oranges my partner
had dibbs on. As he started to cut, the women
[the woman, who at the time was babbling something about the Kennedys (dead,
not the Dead) opened her eyes and said "ow, what are you doing?" Seeing
this, we decided *not* to cut the remaining strips away, and take the whole
patient - which pissed off my partner to no end (fire dept got the oranges,
and I had to share my Oreos with him). We transported the woman to the
hospital, where she died several days later due to a massive infection - she
also lost the leg.
Leesons learned:
1) Always position yourself near the most expensive grocery.
2) Always leave some extra room in your medical bag for stuff you might find-
cans of tuna, Ben & Jerry's, etc. If there's not enough room, take some other
stuff out (bandages, oxygen masks, IV fluid, etc).
3) Never rent a wood chipper by the hour - arouses suspicion.
4) If the patient has Blue Cross/Blue Shield Master Health Plus, leave the
amputated part behind for another unit to bring to the hospital - they'll
pay for both transports.
5) If a cop asks you "what's in the trunk" never answer with "a dead bod-
*blink* *blink* uh, where am I.... I gotta pee.
____________________________________________________________________
| Tae-Hyong Kim e-mail: ST87...@pip.cc.brandeis.edu |
| "You call it corn, I call it GOD." |
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes I really am a paramedic. And no, I won't tell you where I work so you
can move.
Julian Macassey
>Speaking of amputations, I remember several years ago when I worked at a
>busy urban paramedic service.
ambulance driver. His response, tasteless in its own way follows. I
gotta have a few more beers with mark before he heads back to the
third world.
Date: 11 Mar 94 19:21:30 EST
From: Mark Oppenheim <71055...@CompuServe.COM>
To: Julian Macassey <JUL...@bongo.tele.com>
Subject: Cut it!
Message-ID: <940312002129_71...@CompuServe.COM>
Julian - Thanks for the great note. I think I told you that I used to drive an
ambulance. We rolled on-scene of what was supposed to be a "head injury" the
day after xmas, and just as we got the gurney out of the rig, a police car
pulled up at Mach 3, skidding to a stop. The police officer then ran into the
apartment complex with gun drawn.
We, being the cowardly types, decided to bond with the ambulance and stick near
the radio for the next few moments. When we got the "all clear" we found a gal
that was recently separated from her husband had attempted suicide by shooting
herself in the roof of the mouth with a .22 caliber pistol.
Amazingly, she was alert, concious, with only some left side paralysis and pain.
Her vitals were excellent. While the IV was being inserted, she screamed "OH MY
GOD!". We thought that this will be the start of something big, since head
injuries are about as predictable as a mental patient on PCP with a gun. Head
injuries and stroke patients have been known to scream out just before they die
or have a seizure. When we asked what was the matter, she said "Now that I'm
separated from my husband, I don't think that I have medical insurance
anymore!".
If this weren't entertaining enough, a fireman then said "You should have
thought of that before you shot your mouth off...er, I mean, shot yourself in
your mouth!".
Another memorable story was a pedestrian that was hit by a car which amputated
her leg at the scene. When they prepped her for transport, loaded her, and
rushed to the hospital, on arrival the Doctor said "So where's the leg?".
Everyone looked at each other with that Three Stooges "I thought you got it"
look. They called back to the scene and had the police bring it in Code 3. You
should have seen this pasty-white police officer carrying the severed limb into
the ER. We nearly had to treat him.
There was also another story of a 15-year-old kid being hit by a tractor-trailer
on Thanksgiving. He was riding a Moped, a birthday gift from his parents the
day before. The only reason they transported this kid to the hospital, was so
that they could wash down the massive amount of blood and open the busy
boulevard. When everyone arrived at the hospital and they formerly pronounced
the kid, the investigating cop just shook his head and said "Buy your kid a
moped for his last birthday".
The only food-related call that really stands out, was whenever we would get
called out of town, we would always stop at a Italian Ice shop just north of
town on the way back in. The day was really hot, which made stopping all the
more important. When we had just started the Ices, and reported "back in
district", we had a call for a "Headache". As these things always have a habit
of doing (the famed medical inverse law of symptoms - the worse the discrption,
the more minor the affliction - and vice versa) it turned into a full arrest,
with CPR being done inside (yes!) a car.
By the time we got the patient loaded, IV'd, intubated, it was a good 20
minutes. When I pulled away from the scene, I looked down at the lights/siren
console just in time to see the melted Italian Ices spill directly onto and into
the siren. I said a fast, silent prayer, turned on the siren, and after 5
seconds of sounding like the banshee-from-hell, the siren stabilized and worked.
My partner was even more surprised when I asked for Sterile Water 30 seconds
later, (as he was doing ventilations) explaining that I was not thirsty, but
needed it for the siren.
I washed out the siren box with the sterile water, and no one was the wiser.
Moral: Don't report "in district" until you have finished your Italian
Ices.
Have plenty of Sterile (NOT SALINE) Water on board to decontaminate
electronics.
Mark
--
Julian Macassey, N6ARE jul...@bongo.tele.com Voice: (310) 659-3366
Paper Mail: Apt 225, 975 Hancock Ave, West Hollywood, California 90069-4074