my first hanging
you're reading what?
car _all_ by yourself? Well, I remember my first hanging....
I was a 'probie' (uh - that means 'probationary' - ya pervs), with barely
three months on the job. My partner was 'walk 'em dead' Fred, a crusty
old veteran with nearly twenty years on the job. We were sitting in a
diner, having breakfast - or should I say, Fred was eating an _enormous_,
greasy breakfast, while I was sipping coffee and getting queesy just
watching him, when we received our first call of the day:
"Ambulance 8, respond priority three, [some address], for a possible
'sudden.'"
A 'sudden' - around these parts, at least, stands for 'sudden death,'
which means that a person has been dead for quite some time. Usually the
police call for an ambulance only so that they can write in their report
that a 'medical' person saw the body and said 'he's dead.'
Fred acknowledged the call over our portable radio, and I finished my cup
of coffee, got up and started fishing some money out of my pocket, when
Fred said:"Hey, where are you going?" "Uh, Fred, don't we have to go on
that call?" "Relax, the person's dead - and they're not going anywhere."
So, I sat down, and watched while Fred finished his eggs, bacon, toast,
and home-fries, _plus_ hash, and his third cup of coffee, while I ordered
another cup of coffee, myself. I admit, I was a little worried, since we
were supposed to be responding to a call. Eventually, Fred finished his
breakfast, paid, and we left. As soon as I climbed into the ambulance,
Fred gunned the motor, and turned on the lights and siren. We lurched
away from the curb, and began to madly weave in and out of rush-hour
traffic. Time for my next stupid question:
"Uh, Fred, aren't we supposed to go priority _three_?"
"What, and get to the call late? You want to get us fired?"
We pull up to the address just as dispatch is calling for our ETA. The
police and the fire departments were already there. A cop strolls over to
us and starts talking to Fred:"Hey Fred - how's the wife. blah, blah," I
followed a firefighter into the basement of a house. It's dark and musty,
and firefighter tells me that he thinks the guy killed himself over the
weekend because "he smells so bad." Joy.
As I shine my flashlight ahead, I can see the body of a sixty-ish
year-old male, hanging from one of the support beams. As I get closer, I
begin to notice the smell of old urine and feces. Finally I reached the
body, and I notice that he hanged himself with an electrical cord. As I
shined my light on his feet and let the light play over his body, I
noticed his ankles were a mottled dark purple, and his pants have dried
urine stains on them, his hands are also purple. Then I reach his neck -
from the electrical-cord up, his skin takes on a lighter purple, waxy
sheen. His eyes are slightly bulged-out, and his tongue is out and to the
left (positive 'Q' sign). The firefighter tells me to wait for my
partner, and he leaves.
It got _real_ quiet after he left, and the smell was beginning to make me
want to retch. I also noticed that I had to pee, which may have had
something to do with the coffee I had earlier. I wanted to leave, but I'd
never seen a hanged corpse before - I was fascinated. I let the beam of
my flashlight shine on the man's face for a couple of minutes. Then, I
could've _sworn_ he was breathing! <- more on that later. I got closer,
and was staring at his face - to see if he really was breathing. I knew
logically that he'd been dead for a while, but...
Then the body came towards me, and his arms swung up as if to grab me. I
screamed (yes - like a girly-boy) and took a step back - and tripped over
the chair he'd used to 'jump' off. I felt the warm wetness of a guy who'd
just lost bladder control, and heard laughter from behind the body. Fred.
He'd entered from the other side, snuck-up from behind the body, and
waited 'till I'd gotten close enough - then he pushed the body. Behind
Fred, were _all_ the cops and firefighters - laughing at me. When they
saw my urine-stained pants, they laughed even louder.
As we were heading back to the base - to get a change of clothes, Fred
looked over and said:"Don't feel so bad - my partner did it to me when
I was new." I really wanted to hit Fred. But that was many years ago...
And I've had my chance to do it someone else - she never forgave me.
I miss Fred now.
----
Explanation: Someone explained to me that if you shine a bright light
at a statue for several minutes while staring intently at it - you
might see it begin to 'breathe.' Some optical illusion. The guy used to
do this in high school - go to the cemetary at night with some friends
and stare at statues. Used to scare the willies out of people.
- Tae
Lawrence Allen
: Do you remember your first kiss...or the first time you got to drive the
: car _all_ by yourself? Well, I remember my first hanging....
: ----
: Explanation: Someone explained to me that if you shine a bright light
: at a statue for several minutes while staring intently at it - you
: might see it begin to 'breathe.' Some optical illusion. The guy used to
: do this in high school - go to the cemetary at night with some friends
: and stare at statues. Used to scare the willies out of people.
Great story. I drove a tow truck for some time. I found that
amulance personnel and cops have the greatest sense of humor.
As to the breathing. the illusion comes from the minute motion of your
hand holding the light, causing ever so slight changes is the shadowing
of the object, combined with the same motion of you eyes, changing,
slightly, the point of view.
Bob Another beer, please Christ
>you're reading what? (st87...@pip.cc.brandeis.edu) wrote:
>: ----
>: Explanation: Someone explained to me that if you shine a bright light
>: at a statue for several minutes while staring intently at it - you
>As to the breathing. the illusion comes from the minute motion of your
>hand holding the light, causing ever so slight changes is the shadowing
>of the object, combined with the same motion of you eyes, changing,
>slightly, the point of view.
I see. Does this work on a woody too?
Bob
Louise K. Rogow
you're reading what? <st87...@pip.cc.brandeis.edu> wrote:
>Do you remember your first kiss...or the first time you got to drive the
>car _all_ by yourself? Well, I remember my first hanging....
>
>
>Then the body came towards me, and his arms swung up as if to grab me. I
>screamed (yes - like a girly-boy) and took a step back - and tripped over
>the chair he'd used to 'jump' off. I felt the warm wetness of a guy who'd
>just lost bladder control, and heard laughter from behind the body. Fred.
>
>He'd entered from the other side, snuck-up from behind the body, and
>waited 'till I'd gotten close enough - then he pushed the body. Behind
>Fred, were _all_ the cops and firefighters - laughing at me. When they
>saw my urine-stained pants, they laughed even louder.
>
>As we were heading back to the base - to get a change of clothes, Fred
>looked over and said:"Don't feel so bad - my partner did it to me when
>I was new." I really wanted to hit Fred. But that was many years ago...
>And I've had my chance to do it someone else - she never forgave me.
Reasons not to commit suicide #17:
The EMTs will fuck with your rotting corpse.
Keep the Faith,
Louise
Lawrence Allen
: Reasons not to commit suicide #17:
: The EMTs will fuck with your rotting corpse.
Actually, some might find that a plus.
ObTasteless: I had to tow a van in which the owner had pulled a Cobain.
The guys brains, not to mention most of his skull, teeth, and scalp,
were all over the insides of the van. This was in florida, and we had
no inside storage. The van sat for about 3 days in the florida sun,
before the insurance guys came out.
The adjuster was a new guy, I think. He looked like he had just
stopped off in Palm Beach and gotten his suit on the way.
He thought he was coming out to work a crash claim.
I don't think he really read the reports before
coming out. As we approached the van, he commented that the damamge
must be light. said the owner must be just trying to collect on a
bogus claim. I don't think he evan looked at the windows as he walked
around the van. He took the keys, unlocked the door, and was in the
drivers seat, with hands on the wheel, before the 'aroma' hit him.
His eyes got very, very round, he stopped breathing, and looked at me.
I mentioned that this was the car in which the owner had dusted himself.
Realization began to sink in, the sensations started to register.
He looked around, looked at his hands, tried to take a breath, and
puked all over the dash, the steering wheel, himself, me and his notebook.
He fell out on the ground, and lay there, in a pool of vomit, retching.
It was a beautiful site.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lars
lra...@mcdata.com or La...@genie.geis.com
Murphy's Sixth Law : Don't Take yourself so Seriously.
No one else does.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawrence Allen
: In article <CpCCA...@mcdata.com> lra...@mcdata.com (Lawrence Allen) writes:
: >ObTasteless: I had to tow a van in which the owner had pulled a Cobain.
: >were all over the insides of the van. This was in florida, and we had
: >no inside storage. The van sat for about 3 days in the florida sun,
: >before the insurance guys came out.
: >
: >The adjuster was a new guy, I think. He looked like he had just
: >stopped off in Palm Beach and gotten his suit on the way.
: what part of florida was this? I think florida should be voted the official
: a.t. state. and palm beach should be the capital. have you ever eaten bad
: cuban food from a corner store and then chased it with a few cupfuls of cuban
: coffee? gastrointestinal delight! and the beach is great. not only can you
: roast yourself to a golden brown, you don't need to rent boogie boards! the
: bales of cocaine floating offshore will do the trick! i want to go to worth
: avenue and smear the windows of gucci, tiffany's, etc etc with dog shit and
: yell lewd remarks at the old widows.
: And the old people!! i love eating in a restaurant with jerry geriatric and
: his little friends, farting and shitting their Depends,
: cleaning their dentures
: in their water glasses and dripping old person fluids in the salad bars.
: yum!!
Oh yeah. Wonderful Florida. I lived in Jupiter, about 20 miles north of
Palm Beach. I remember one day. We were fishing near the inlet. Some old
guy was close. Every time he would cast, He would let out a huge fart.
I don't know what he had been eating, but the farts would waft in our
direction, and were remeniscent of a cabbage field after the stuff started
to ferment. If you have never experienced it, try this. Buy a head of
cabbage, stick in under your kitchen sink, and ignore it for awhile.
When you start to smell something like saurkraut, it's close. pour a
little water on the cabbage, and maybe a little sugar, then toss a wet
dishtowel on top and ignore it for another day or so.
Anyway, I digress. The old fart seemed completely ignorant of his
contribution to the atmosphere, and gave us dirty looks when we reacted
to the fumes.
He finally hooked a medium sized jack, and started reeling it in.
he'd reel, tug, fart. Reel,tug, fart. We were rolling on the jetty,
laughing. By the time he got his fish in, we were near apoplectic.
ObTasteless : Some cousins of mine came for a visit. One had two kids.
We took them to the beach. I got into a water fight with the two kids.
I they got a kick out of me gulping a big mouthful of water and spraying
it at them. There was a couple of young ladies on the beach watching
my antics, and gigling up a storm. Finally one of them started talking
to my cousin. I noticed them all rolling on the sand in histerics. I
thought I must be really entertaining them. I continued with my 'oral
cannon' until the kids mother called them to come out of the water.
When I came out and sat down, my cousin told me what had sparked the
laughter. The girls had seen an old fart just a few yards upcurrent,
emptying his colostomy bag into the water, a few minutes before I began
my antics. I had thought there was an odd taste to the water.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lars
lra...@mcdata.com or La...@genie.geis.com
Murphy's Sixth Law : Don't Take yourself so Seriously.
No one else does.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Notice : Any and all E-mail sent to the above accounts becomes
the sole property of the owner of said accounts and said owner
reserves the right to do with that E-mail as he sees fit, including,
but not limited to, posting on the net.
Davin Swanson
>The guys brains, not to mention most of his skull, teeth, and scalp,
>were all over the insides of the van. This was in florida, and we had
>no inside storage. The van sat for about 3 days in the florida sun,
>before the insurance guys came out.
>
>The adjuster was a new guy, I think. He looked like he had just
>stopped off in Palm Beach and gotten his suit on the way.
what part of florida was this? I think florida should be voted the official
a.t. state. and palm beach should be the capital. have you ever eaten bad
cuban food from a corner store and then chased it with a few cupfuls of cuban
coffee? gastrointestinal delight! and the beach is great. not only can you
roast yourself to a golden brown, you don't need to rent boogie boards! the
bales of cocaine floating offshore will do the trick! i want to go to worth
avenue and smear the windows of gucci, tiffany's, etc etc with dog shit and
yell lewd remarks at the old widows.
And the old people!! i love eating in a restaurant with jerry geriatric and
his little friends, farting and shitting their Depends, cleaning their dentures
in their water glasses and dripping old person fluids in the salad bars. yum!!
seems that this has turned into a bitch and moan session. oh well!! you'll
know why i bitch if you've ever been there.
davin
J. Gregory Rich
: >As to the breathing. the illusion comes from the minute motion of your
: >hand holding the light, causing ever so slight changes is the shadowing
: >of the object, combined with the same motion of you eyes, changing,
: >slightly, the point of view.
: I see. Does this work on a woody too?
A, uh, woody? By this do you mean an erect penis?
Mike Weber
In a previous article, lra...@mcdata.com (Lawrence Allen) says:
>
>: I think florida should be voted the official
>: a.t. state. and palm beach should be the capital. have you ever eaten bad
>: cuban food from a corner store and then chased it with a few cupfuls of cuban
>: coffee? gastrointestinal delight! and the beach is great. not only can you
>: roast yourself to a golden brown, you don't need to rent boogie boards! the
>: bales of cocaine floating offshore will do the trick! i want to go to worth
>: avenue and smear the windows of gucci, tiffany's, etc etc with dog shit and
>: yell lewd remarks at the old widows.
>: And the old people!! i love eating in a restaurant with jerry geriatric and
>: his little friends, farting and shitting their Depends,
>: cleaning their dentures
>: in their water glasses and dripping old person fluids in the salad bars.
>: yum!!
Hell, when you live in a state shaped like a speculum that's poised to
look into the labia of Louisianna, what would you expect?
I currently live just a few minutes away from the rest stop those German
tourists were robbed and killed.
I used to live in the same town as Pee Wee Herman. Hell, I know where the
theatre he was caught wanking is located too.
Ted Bundy's killing spree occurred at FSU. (I think the sorority home has
since been torn down however).
Oh yeah, the place where kitty litter is mined is relatively close by too.
(It may be in Georgia, actually)
--
"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test.
Had this been an actual emergency, you'd be writhing on the ground in
unspeakable agony, bleeding from every orifice, with your blackened skin
falling away in ragged strips."
Brian Saunders
>Ted Bundy's killing spree occurred at FSU. (I think the sorority home has
>since been torn down however).
Heh. My brush with serial killer greatness, I guess. One of my mother's
friends was one of the key prosecution witnesses (she was member of the
fated sorority). I guess she was pretty happy the day he got fried.
--
Brian Saunders saun...@castor.che.wisc.edu
Mike Weber
In a previous article, saun...@castor.che.wisc.edu (Brian Saunders) says:
>In article <2qp278$p...@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> do...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Mike Weber) writes:
>
>>Ted Bundy's killing spree occurred at FSU. (I think the sorority home has
>>since been torn down however).
>
>Heh. My brush with serial killer greatness, I guess. One of my mother's
>friends was one of the key prosecution witnesses (she was member of the
>fated sorority). I guess she was pretty happy the day he got fried.
You missed a lot the day he got fried. The local campus bar featured
"Bundy Burgers" and "Bundy Fries" the day he was executed, along with
having all the TV's in the joint tuned in to the festivities...