Vinnie Dies and goes to Hell

[Notorious P.I.G.]

Well, almost anyway. I guess there were no free beds.

Breezed into town yesterday, and stopped at Long's to get some
stamps and shit, and I hear somebody yelling my name. I turn to
see Nick the Spic, smiling broadly and motioning me over. "I
thought you was dead."

"Something like that," I sez.

"What's that mean?" he asked.

So, I told him a little story, goes like this...

On April 7, I was sick. Real sick. I was puking up literally quarts
of blood and shitting what appeared to be asphalt. That was Tuesday,
and the last time I posted here. I said, "If I don't feel better by
Saturday, I'm going to the doctor." That seemed a valid plan, until
I vomitted a near half gallon of blood and watery mucous all over
my bathroom. Ginny sez,"You're going to the emergency room." Cool, I
figured, they'll give me some Immodium-like substance and I won't barf
no more. Au contraire. They took one look at me and rushed me into the
examining room and did some good ole probing and prodding, finding my
liver had swollen three to four times its normal size. One nurse said,
"I can't find his spleen!" By now, I was starting to shake uncontrollably,
as the first signs of alcoholic withdrawal were beginning to set in. The
nurse put me on an IV of Valium and saline solution, a shot of Vitamin K
into my bicep that hurt like hell, and pumped me up with some badly needed
nutrients that the internal bleeding had sucked dry.

At this point, they determined I had lost 40-50% of my blood. A large,
Sumo wrestler of a nurse decided I needed a tube up my nose. I wasn't
enthusiastic, and every time she started poking it up there, I'd try to
block her arm. She said, calmly, "Sir, if you don't stop interfering,
I'll be forced to have you strapped to the armrest." I said, "You DON"T
want to be around when they untie me." 'Bout this time, a couple of burly
male nurses grabbed my arm, she got the tube in position, said, "This may
cause a little discomfort," and made that prick disappear up my nose until
I felt it squirming and probing, until it was in my stomach, where it would
remain for the next three days. The tube filled the left nostril snugly, so
I voided a good pint of rich, red blood out of my other nostril, fortunately
on to a towel someone had the foresight to spread over my chest. They fully
expected that result, but apparently neglected to mention it to the cute
li'l volunteer nurse, who visibly paled. I had to smile, in spite of myself,
but I suspect it came out looking like a grimace.

Then, they started pumping me full of fluids. 15 units of whole blood, 6 of
fresh frozen plasma. Vitamins and minerals. Antibiotics after the second
day to get rid of the pneumonia I contracted from puking into my tracheal
canal. Lasix, to stimulate urination, because I was retaining water like a
motherfucker. More Valium. But, no food and no water. I was allowed to chew
on ice. The doctor decided that he wanted to go into my duodenum in order to
cauterize the ulcer that was the source of all the bleeding. This entailed
shoving another tube down my esophagus, and with the help of a miniature
camera, find the exact source of the bleeding. I, of course, was anesthetized,
but the doctor explained the procedure as he collected my signature on a
document relieving him of the responsibility if he were to snuff me during
the procedure. When I awoke, I asked him how it went, and he less than pleased
me by informing me that he'd have to do it again. The bleeding was nearly
impossible to staunch, as my platelet count was so low, 58000 per deciliter.
So, they repeated this procedure, adding the process of suctioning blood out
of the way and zapping it with extreme heat, virtually burning the ulcer shut.
This time, I awoke long enough to find out they were successful the second
time, and was elated to find myself sans-nose tube. The drawback was that I
was hooked up to countless wires. I fell asleep almost immediately, or so I
thought. In fact, I'd gone into a seizure and nearly died. The trauma was a
bit heavy for my undernourished, swollen body.

The next morning, I was wakened by a cute, busty black nurse, who said, "We
just about lost you last night, baby, but you're going to be fine now." I
croaked out a weak "Thanks," and immediately started figuring how I was
gonna get the two things I needed most, food and nicotine, neither of which
I'd had in over 72 hours. I was wired up like a satellite, prohibiting even
rolling over on my side, so I gave up on the cigarette and concentrated on
some solid nutrition. I was treated to a kingly feast of a small square of
Jello and two very small glasses of water. For dessert, I was given the
news that I could have something else that night if I could hold down what
I'd already been given, which turned out to be what looked like premasticated
chicken with a spoonful of broth, and another glass of water. I was stiff all
over from laying in the same position for nearly four full days, but the
feeling of solid food partially compensated for it, at least before I
expelled it with a burst of diarrhea caused by the antibiotics for the now
mild pneumonia. Suzy, the Japanese doctor, shoved her finger up my asshole
and determined that I was no longer bleeding internally, and pronounced me
fit enough to try some more substantial sustenence the following morning, my
sixth day in captivity. This came in the form of a runny scrambled egg, and
half of an English muffin w/margarine.

By the eighth day, I was off the oxygen and most of the tubes, allowing me
to get out of bed and move around a bit. I wheeled the IV cart quietly into
the elevator, down to the first floor, and out into the rain to smoke what
tasted like the best cigarette I'd ever had in my life. I returned to the
ward to find out I was the focus of a frantic search, and "Just where have
you been off to, anyway?" At this point, I pleaded for my freedom, and received
it the next day, when it was determined that if I was strong enough to wander
around the hospital, I could be strong enough to send home. I was given oral
medications, vitamins and Valium to keep the sick off. I was told to stick to
a bland diet for a couple of weeks, and drink lots of clear liquids. "Vodka's
a clear liquid," I sez. Nobody laughed.

After a few days at home, the tranqulizers ran out, but the shakes didn't.
I was drinking wine, in order to keep myself from going through the DTs, not
knowing that certain chemicals in the grape contributed to the destruction
of my red blood platelets, and low platelet count causes blood not to clot
properly. This manifested itself in nosebleeds, dizzy spells and vertigo. It
was about this time that my old lady decided that I was having a total mental
and physical breakdown, which I inevitably do every three years or so. She
talked me into going into the Detox program at the Veterans Administration
hospital.

The VA has a campus up in Menlo Park, dedicated almost entirely to
drug and alcohol rehabilitation, and the rest are the disoriented and
confused, those suffering from PTSD, or post traumatic stress syndrome.
It's expected to lock its gates during the year 2000, as the patients
are almost all repeaters, folks who use the system, stay a year or so,
get fattened up enouggh to go out and pursue their drug and alcohol
habits, then return to redo the cycle 3 months later. The VA sez, "Pah.
Piss on you, Jack! It's cheaper, and in the opinions of some close to
the field, more efficient to treat people on an outpatient basis. So, go
find another way to support yourself."

I met some guys there that would admit, unabashedly, that they had been
through the program anywhere form 4 to 10 times, with one guy who was on
his thirteenth trip through. "My lucky one, I guess," he sez. Somehow, I doubt
it. So do the doctors.

I arrived at Detox on April 27th. It was cold and dreary, the way it would
remain until the first week of June, as the last remnants of El Nino dicked
up the weather, and had summer following winter, while cancelling spring
altogether. I got there at lunchtime, so the doctor couldn't see me until after
we had gotten back from the chow hall. I don't remember what the main course
was for that meal. I do remember, however, that they served peas, and all the
guys were laughing at my expense while I tried to jiggle those little fucks
into my mouth using a fork. Frustrated, I threw down the fork and decided to
wait for supper, praying to some unknown entity that peas weren't served
with every meal.

Upon my return, the doctor was in. I was rainsoaked and shiverring, and, added
to my alcoholic death dance, made me one pitiful looking little cocksucker. He
gave me 40 mg of Valium, and in an hour I was calmed down enough to allow them
to draw blood from me. He got the lab report back, and, thinking there was
some sort of mistake, ordered another, more detailed report. When he got that,
he called me into the office, shaking his head. He told me that I had an infla-
mation of the liver. No shit, Dick Tracy! He also put me on a regimen of badly
needed supplements and told me to eat as much as my system would allow for
the next few days. No prob, Doc. I gained 10 pounds in the 12 days I was in
Detox. That put me at a pudgy and shaky 175 pounds, and I could barely
squeeze into my jeans. Even developed a set of little tits to go over my
paunchy belly. My skin was a yellowish tint, and my eyes looked like some-
one had pissed in them. I was given 10 to 15 milligrams of Valium every 3
hours, and ordered to bedrest, only to get up at meal times. I couldn't
answer the bell at chowtime, though, so the rest of the inmates would go
to chow, and bring me back a styrofoam tray of vittles, which I'd eat cold.

My fourth day at Detox, some fucker flipped his gourd. He wanted his meds,
saying it was seven o'clock, and "Where are my FUCKIN' MEDS?!" One of the
nurses tried to calm him down, meds were at 9 o'clock. This guy thought it
was 7am, and it was actually 7pm. He shoved the nurse to the floor, a little
Filipino chick. I jumped up off of the couch, but my reflexes were slowed by
the meds and the month of inactivity and lack of exercise. He was into a fit
of rage, and blindly slung me to the floor, inflicting a nasty bump about the
size of a robin's egg on my left eyebrow. I shook my head and attempted to
scramble to my feet, but I needn't have bothered. He was running on pure
adrenaline, and his awareness of me disappeared as soon as he flung me to
the floor. So, I copped a sneak on him, and hit him square in the ear with the
heel of the palm of my hand, which stunned him enough for me to shoulderblock
him to the floor. I managed to get his arms pinned, and yelled to one of the
other patients to "Get Darryl." He was spaced, and was watching the whole show
dumbfounded, until I said, "NOW!" That broke his trance, and he went after the
burly nurse, who came out with a syringe. He popped the needle into the arm
of the offender, who went limp within a few seconds. Musta been some good shit.
The guy relaxed, but I thought he might be playing possum, and held tight. He
wasn't, he was softly snoring within a minute.

An hour later, I was in the ward office, and the big nurse and an even bigger
security guard were asking me why I had assaulted a patient in a federal
facility, and did I understand the severity of the situation? Seldom at a
loss for words, I was dumbfounded, and said I'd deal with it when my case
manager came in the next morning. When the time came, I managed to keep my
thoughts in order enough to explain my side of it without blowing my temper.
They advised me to think about the gravity of the situation, and next time
to let the nurses handle those types. I asked them how they would feel when
they found one of their 110 pound Flip nurses strangled when they came in for
work some morning, but I didn't wait for an answer, and weaved my way back up
into my bedroom, leaving them to scribble notes in their little books.

After 12 days in Detox, I was ready to go home, but my case manager talked me
into going into one of the extended programs for 45 days. I wasn't sure if I
wanted to, so I called Gin, and she said she thought it might be a good idea.
Y'see, in Detox, you just lay around and take pills, get thoroughly tested
and prodded, fatten up and hit the ground runnin', usually to the nearest
liquor store. Not in a program, though. These are for skill building and
psychiatric evaluation. The population is mostly hardcore, age range of 30
to the mid sixties, all hustlers with a more than passing knowledge of the
criminal justice system, and some who were deeply disturbed. The counsellors
are all graduates, making it hard to play them. There's a list of rules, most
of which serve no purpose other than being impossible to follow. Failure to
comply with any rule gets you written up, as I found out on my second day. I
was doing the desk watch. Watches are 24/7, in four hour increments, and this
was the first watch I was standing with no assistance. I went to take a leak,
and when I came back, a guy who was known to go out of his way to write people
up gave me a violation for watch abandonment, "a very serious thing," as he
put it. I said I was just taking a leak. He claimed I was to pull someone
aside to watch the desk until I returned from the head. He asked me how I'd
feel if there were a fire, I wasn't there to report it, and someone died in
the fire. I asked him how he'd feel if I snapped off one of his stick-thin
arms and shoved it up his ass, or something to that effect. This brought a
counselor out, because his office was within earshot of the conversation. I
was written up, and my punishment was to stand an extra watch. Stick arm got
a kick out of this, and I made a mental note to ride his ass at every given
opportunity.

The next day, I was doing my punitive watch. I was filling out the watch
station paperwork, and a drop of blood fell on the page I was working on. I
got that cleaned up, and I'll be fucked if another one didn't land, almost
directly on the same spot. I cleaned that up too, and put the paperwork away.
There was no one to relieve me, because the rest of the inmates were in a
group meeting. So, I just sat there. The head counselor came by to take a leak
and a break from the therapy session, and saw me sitting there, with a puddle
of blood in front of me.

"Do you know your nose is bleeding?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you go clean up?"

"Got written up for that yesterday."

"B-But, you're Bleeeeding..."

"There was no one to relieve me. The rules state that..."

"JUST GO."

So, I go in the bathroom, and wash and rinse the blood from my beard, and
blew my nose until the bleeding had subsided. Took about a half hour, and
when I came out, the counsellor had provided a replacement watch, and "the
Doc wants to see you." That's when they turned the shrinks loose on me.

I have a philosophy about psychiatrists. Their job is to make you talk, and
to do so without asking any questions. They have their tricks; I have mine.
When one asks a question, the best thing to say is nothing, so that's what
I said. A lot.

He: Why didn't you take care of your nosebleed?

Me: Got in trouble for that yesterday.

He: Don't you like it here?

Me: (shrug)

He: Do you think you made a mistake coming here?

Me: (shrug)

He: (writing in ever present book) Patient non-responsive.

That's when I burst out laughing.

He asked me what was so funny, and I said it was what he had written.
He said, "So, you can talk, after all?" I reply, "Yup. You just don't
ask the right questions." He scribbled furiously. I smiled a lot.

"I'm going to give you a prescription for Nefazodone. It's a antidepressant."

"I'm not depressed, Doc."

"Sure, you are. Your behavior speaks volumes, even when you're trying not
to be cooperative. One in the morning, one an hour after supper. I'll be
checking in with you next week."

That's why I don't like shrinks. They diagnose the illness in a way that they
understand. If it's out of their realm, they stick it in a package they can
recognize, and fuck the consequences. I took 'em for about a week, and they
gave me a headache and made it near impossible to sleep. The next week, they
tried a new medication, which I objected to, since the last one had had such
an adverse reaction. I didn't argue that I wasn't depressed, though, because
after a week of little sleep, constant headache, and the prospect that this
new medication might be even worse, I was getting pretty goddamned morose.
The new batch made me like a zombie, and I took them for three days, before
I walked into his office uninvited and threw the pills on his desk, while I
calmly explained that I didn't want to take this or any other antidepressants
during the rest of my stay. The look I had on must have convinced him I was
pretty fuckin' serious, and he said, "Of course, if a patient can get by
without the use of medication, we are all for it." I bit down on my lower
lip, which stopped me from putting my face an inch away from his, and de-
manding to know why he had put me on this shit,if that were the case. But, I
held my temper and waited until the meds had gone from my system before I
would speak to another doctor or staff member.

Two days after I had quit taking them, I had a surprise visitor, none other
than our own Geoff Miller. I was still pretty addled, and must have been
pretty incoherent. "You're a hard person to find," he said. I didn't know I
was being looked for, as I didn't tell anyone where I was going, except Ginny,
who came faithfully every week with a carton of smokes and a crisp Jackson to
buy toiletries and snacks with. I figgered she had told him where I was, but
she didn't. I was still too hazed out to think about it. I'll ask him next time
I see him.

After a time, my brain unfogged, and I initiated an exercise program, and I
melted about 18 pounds off my bloated frame, doing pushups until my shoulders
screamed in pain, walking huge circles around the compound, running up and
down stairs. Anything to use up the excess energy I had stored up. The shame
of it was that there was a bunch of exercise equipment laying around unused,
due to the fear that someone would overdo it, and throw themselves into a
siezure from trying to do too much at once, then suing the hospital.

My interest in reading came back, and I devoured everything that was halfway
interesting in the small library. I read a book about alcoholism and
nutrition, and wrote a report on it that the doctor asked me to write up on
his office computer, so he could use it as part of the curriculum for the
program in the future. I forgave him for our previous lack of communication,
and gladly complied.

And for the last six days, I did nothing, except wait for my discharge date.

"That's some heavy shit," said Nick the Spic. "Need a drink?"

I said, "Thanks, Nicky. Not today, though."

Not for awhile.

VJ

"I woke on impact, under surveillance
from the camera eye, searching high and low."

*Queensryche*

[Bob O`Brien]

Welcome back, Vinnie.
Damned glad to see 'ya.

Bob O`Bob
--
"What do you want to reinstall today?"

[Just Another Skeptic]

On Fri, 19 Jun 1998 19:57:17 GMT, pig...@netcom.com (Notorious
P.I.G.) wrote:

>Well, almost anyway. I guess there were no free beds.

Sort of a parole in absentia, huh? Welcome back, Vinnie. Missed yer
common sense around here. (I figgered you just got bored and wandered
off -- sorry to hear about the problems.)

jas (considering for a moment, then screwing the top back on the pint
and putting it away)

===========================================================
"...Two and two are four . Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they
are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of
them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane."
-GEORGE ORWELL
-1984
===========================================================

[Roger Lee]

In article <pigfaceE...@netcom.com>,
Notorious P.I.G. <pig...@netcom.com> wrote:

[snip!]

Vinnie Jordan: Heavan don't want him and hell thinks he'll
cause too much trouble.

Welcome back, bro. The idiot newbie's've been getting thick around here...

--
About 50% of them are mediocre at best, and another 45% of them should
have as many of their products forcefully shoved up their asses as is
physically and mathematically possible, then flayed alive, the
wreckage of their bodies hanged over the sea, the corpses drawn and
quartered, the pieces burned, and their ashes mixed into a concrete
brick which shall be sealed in a leaden box and hurled into the
deepest trench of the ocean.

John S. Novak, on dealing with sub-contractors.

[Jeffrey D. Angus]

pig...@netcom.com (Notorious P.I.G.) writes:

>Well, almost anyway. I guess there were no free beds.

Sheeeeit boy, make up your mind will ya?
If ya up and croak on us, that signed SCO tape will be
worth a lot more.

Feltch.

--
Amateur: WA6FWI@WA6FWI.#SOCA.CA.USA.NA | "It is difficult to imagine our
Internet: jan...@skyld.grendel.com | universe run by a single omni-
US Mail: PO Box 4425 Carson, CA 90749 | potent god. I see it more as a
Phone: 1 (310) 887-8545 | badly run corporation."

[Edsel Shmendrick]

In article <rajEuv...@netcom.com> r...@netcom.com (Roger Lee) writes:

>In article <pigfaceE...@netcom.com>, Notorious P.I.G. wrote:

>[snip!]

>Vinnie Jordan: Heavan don't want him and hell thinks he'll
> cause too much trouble.

>Welcome back, bro. The idiot newbie's've been getting thick around here...

Me two!

Edsel

[Glen Quarnstrom]

r...@netcom.com (Roger Lee) wrote:

>In article <pigfaceE...@netcom.com>,

>Notorious P.I.G. <pig...@netcom.com> wrote:
>
>[snip!]
>
>Vinnie Jordan: Heavan don't want him and hell thinks he'll
> cause too much trouble.
>
>Welcome back, bro. The idiot newbie's've been getting thick around here...

I second the emotion. Welcome back, Vinnie, you cantankerous old
bastard.

Peeve: Vinnie's article hasn't shown up on either of the two servers
I use, nor is it on Deja News as of a couple of hours ago. What the
hell did you do, Vinnie, e-mail the damn thing?
--
gl...@cyberhighway.net
http://www.cyberhighway.net/~glenq/

[Tae H Kim]

Notorious P.I.G. (pig...@netcom.com) wrote:

: So, they repeated this procedure, adding the process of suctioning blood out

: of the way and zapping it with extreme heat, virtually burning the ulcer shut.

Lucky the bleeding wasn't a bit further up - in the stomach, and about a
decade ago. Treatment for esophageal and gastric bleeding was to drop an
NG tube, and lavage with water - *ice* water. Lots of *ice* water. Some
inane theory about cold causing blood vessels to constrict and clot. All I
know is, people have it *once*, and fear it for the rest of their lives.

: medications, vitamins and Valium to keep the sick off. I was told to stick to

: a bland diet for a couple of weeks, and drink lots of clear liquids. "Vodka's
: a clear liquid," I sez. Nobody laughed.

I would have, Vinnie.

: I met some guys there that would admit, unabashedly, that they had been

: through the program anywhere form 4 to 10 times, with one guy who was on
: his thirteenth trip through. "My lucky one, I guess," he sez. Somehow,
: I doubt it. So do the doctors.

Yeah, I know the type. I've picked up more fuckheads like that - piss
drunk and screaming at me 'get me to detox - at the VA', than I've had hot
meals. Four in the AM, red bulbs in the bunk room go on, don't even bother
to zip up the boots as I shuffle down the stairs to the 'bu-box.

I hate dealing with those fucks. Nearest VA is thirty minutes away, and
when I'm in the back babysitting, it *always* ends up in some kind of
pissing match.

"You can't smoke in the ambulance."

"Fuck you, chink. I killed a lot of your people."

"I'm sure we killed a lot of your people, as well. Perhaps a few of them
were personal friends?"

*That* usually ends up in a slow, lumbering charge. The advantage is, that
they're fucking *drunk* and easy to outmanuever. The downside is, there's
not much room to maneuver in the back of an ambulance. I've received my
fair share of beatings.

I suppose if I told them in the beginning, that I'm Korean - not
Vietnamese, that I'd save myself a lot of grief.

I never said I was smart.

: burly nurse, who came out with a syringe. He popped the needle into the arm

: of the offender, who went limp within a few seconds. Musta been some
: good shit. The guy relaxed, but I thought he might be playing possum,
: and held tight. He wasn't, he was softly snoring within a minute.

I argue for the liberal use of chemical restraints all the time, but no
one backs me up on it. When I work in the ER, my partner and I are part of
the 'restraint group' - basically spare people from all over the hospital
are paged to the room of someone who needs to be restrained. Since the
majority of hospital-types are chickenshits, it's usually me and my
partner in the front of the mattress-squad - the chickenshits take
hindmost.

I once seriously suggested using clear, concave riot-shields - the ones
prison screws use, to charge people and trap them against a wall. It would
make more sense than using hospital mattresses as shields and charging
them. It was briefly considered, but ultimately discarded because it
presented the 'wrong image'. It didn't help that I suggested that in the
place of the police/prison sticker on the shield, we substitute big yellow
smiley-faces - with the caption 'Have a nice day', as an anger-control
tool.

Well, it *was* in response to their 'image' concerns.

Once, when my partner and I *again* were in the front of the
'flying-mattress' squad, a woman was just about to escape from her last
leather restraint. Seeing as how everyone else was too slow, or too busy
pissing themselves, I ran into the room, jumped onto the stretcher, and
put my knee into her back - hard, to push her down onto her stomach.

"Get off of her, immediately! That's *not* how we do things here!"
shreiked the nursing supervisor.

"Get off of me, you fucking asshole! If my baby's dead, I'll sue you!"
screamed the woman.

"Hey, if you want me off of her, I'm going to leave, and you can deal with
her by yourself."

"And I *seriously* doubt you're pregnant - there's not enough six-packs in
the world for *that* to happen."

Both were too flabbergasted, or afraid, to answer, momentarily.

: An hour later, I was in the ward office, and the big nurse and an even

An hour later, I was in my supervisor's office, having a new one torn for
me.

Nice to still have you around, Vinnie. Good to know there's still some
assholes out there I can respect. I'll have a few for you. And that's
*not* busting yer balls.

- Tae

P.S. A word of advice - stay out of hospitals. People die there.

[Jeffrey D. Angus]

[ Tae rears his ugly mug ]

Well well, speaking of rising from the dead. Where ya been asshole?

I'll have to pass along your suggestion for the reverse curved riot
shields with the smiley faces.

Big HMO's in the Los Anglese area get more than thier share of the
types of shitbirds you refer to.

Feltch.

ObBeforeIt'sTooLate: Hey Vinnie, can I have your tools?

[Bob O`Brien]

Tae H Kim <tk...@lynx02.dac.neu.edu> wrote:
>I once seriously suggested using clear, concave riot-shields - the ones
>prison screws use, to charge people and trap them against a wall. It would
>make more sense than using hospital mattresses as shields and charging
>them. It was briefly considered, but ultimately discarded because it
>presented the 'wrong image'. It didn't help that I suggested that in the
>place of the police/prison sticker on the shield, we substitute big yellow
>smiley-faces - with the caption 'Have a nice day', as an anger-control
>tool.
>
>Well, it *was* in response to their 'image' concerns.
>

Fabric covers; a mattress-looking fabric.
In the heat of the moment, everyone uninvolved will think
you had a really good grip on a firm little mattress.

Solves their "image" problem while being probably
an order of magnitude more effective.

[tick...@bigfoot.com]

Tae H Kim wrote:
P.S. A word of advice - stay out of hospitals. People die there.

Could it be Tae Kim might start posting again.. MY hopes , my dreams, my prayers
might be answered.
Your the reason I started reading this NG.

To quote a beer commercial " I love you man" Keep posting dude.. I have money,
stocks, bonds or my first born son if you like..

THe cornucopia of carnage that you have witnessed, and write about so eloquently is
the literature I love.. I crave the quality and detail of your Stories.
I pester the nurses i work with constantly for stories such as yours. The best one
i have acquired lately.
Came from liz an RN i work with.. She had to treat this gommer with Gangrene of the
testicles. She went into great detail of how swollen and nasty they had become...

YES.. I have to live vicariously threw the nurses and the posts on this ng.. And I
appreciate the quality and style of your stories... I saved em all. I just wanted
you to know that there are those out there that really appreciate the time and
effort that went into your posts.. ---Tickboy.

[Jeffrey D. Angus]

[ snipped sucking up to Tae portion which had nothing to do with P.I.G. ]

tick...@bigfoot.com writes:
>Came from liz an RN i work with.. She had to treat this gommer with
> Gangrene of the testicles. She went into great detail of how swollen
> and nasty they had become...

Don't you *dare* tell us that it was because he had stapled them after
masturbating on a converor belt...

Feltch.

[tick...@bigfoot.com]

Jeffrey D. Anus wrote:

> [ snipped sucking up to Tae portion which had nothing to do with P.I.G. ]
> tick...@bigfoot.com writes:
> >Came from liz an RN i work with.. She had to treat this gommer with
> > Gangrene of the testicles. She went into great detail of how swollen
> > and nasty they had become...
>
> Don't you *dare* tell us that it was because he had stapled them after
> masturbating on a converor belt...

NO
He was covered on his back with festering ulcers and bedsores. from lying in
the bed all the time.. His balls had been scratched or something. and in the
non sterile highly funky bed he developed. A bad case of the Green Balls..
This sounds much worse to me than the legendary Blue balls.

The kids kept him alive for the the pension a Social security money.. After his
nuts swelled to the size of grapefruits. they Thought it might be time to have
him checked by a professional. ---Tickboy

[Jeffrey D. Angus]

tick...@bigfoot.com writes:

>Jeffrey D. Anus wrote:

Well, damn boy, you pronounced it right. Congratulations.

>> Don't you *dare* tell us that it was because he had stapled them after
>> masturbating on a converor belt...

>NO
>He was covered on his back with festering ulcers and bedsores. from lying in
>the bed all the time..

Heh, happens all the time. And thank you for *not* reposting that gawd awful
scrotum self repair story.

Feltch.

ObT: Watched some movie last night on ShoTime around 3 AM (Sunday) while
up in Bakersfield. Starred Donald Southerland as some old geezer and his
young wife, 1/2 son and psychotic other half son that went about sabo-
taging everything he could, then killed a bunch of people. Based on the
premise that a number of truly de-ranged serial killers were adopted.

Bwahahahahaha. A thumbs up for some light evening entertainment. The end
scene is a ten. But you'll have to hunt down the title and watch it your-
self.

ObRelated: I'm adopted.

[NurzRachet]

tick...@bigfoot.com wrote:

> Jeffrey D. Anus wrote:

> > Don't you *dare* tell us that it was because he had stapled them after
> > masturbating on a converor belt...
>
> NO
> He was covered on his back with festering ulcers and bedsores. from lying in

> the bed all the time.. His balls had been scratched or something. and in the
> non sterile highly funky bed he developed. A bad case of the Green Balls..

Bed-bound gomers develop all kindsa problems. I've seen males with
catheters that had been left in for so long that the catheter actually
elongated the piss slit to the point of looking like that famous "split
dick" jpeg. I used to take care of a lot of these guys when I worked
the streets, er, I mean floors...hospital floors, that is.

I've also seen bed sores on hips that were so bad that you could
actually see bone. These sores required bigtime treatments -- frequent
dressing changes and gobs of Silvadene cream. And the aroma! Eau de
manure on a hot, humid day.

ObPuff: Just got off the phone with a fellow nurz from one of the
classier hospitals around town. Seems she got into bigtime trouble with
one of her patients who left the hospital to go smoke in the "proper"
smoking area -- a segregated spot about 50 feet from the side entrance,
complete with old folding chairs. When the patient returned to his
room, he immediately got on the call light yelling for help with his
dinner, water pitcher, etc. My pal "the mouth" told him that if he was
well enough to drag himself and his I/V pole out to the smoking area,
then he was well enough to get off his ass and get his own fucking
water. Looks like she's gonna have a nice three-day unpaid holiday just
like Nurzy got a few years back for opening her big mouth.

Nurzy
leader of the pack

[Tony Quirke]

Tae H Kim <tk...@lynx02.dac.neu.edu> wrote:

> "You can't smoke in the ambulance."
> "Fuck you, chink. I killed a lot of your people."
> "I'm sure we killed a lot of your people, as well. Perhaps a few of them
> were personal friends?"

[...]

> I suppose if I told them in the beginning, that I'm Korean - not
> Vietnamese, that I'd save myself a lot of grief.

You're Asian, and therefore a chink. What makes you think they'd know
the difference between chinks from Korea and chinks from Vietnam ? Or
*care* ?

I could point out the most amazing spiel I received when I pissed off
one super-patriot which fundamentally confused Maoris and Hawaiians. Or
the person who insisted that koalas came from New Zealand, even attempting
to correct me when I insisted otherwise.

- Tony Q.
--
"The weapon, like anything else, could only finally be judged by the
effect it had on others, by the consequences it produced in some outside
context, by its place in the rest of the universe. By this measure the
love, or just the appreciation, of weapons was a kind of tragedy." - IB

[Tae Hyong Kim]

In article <358df...@news.actrix.gen.nz>, qui...@atlantis.actrix.gen.nz
(Tony Quirke) wrote:

: Tae H Kim <tk...@lynx02.dac.neu.edu> wrote:
:
: > "You can't smoke in the ambulance."
: > "Fuck you, chink. I killed a lot of your people."
: > "I'm sure we killed a lot of your people, as well. Perhaps a few of them
: > were personal friends?"
: [...]
: > I suppose if I told them in the beginning, that I'm Korean - not
: > Vietnamese, that I'd save myself a lot of grief.
:
: You're Asian, and therefore a chink. What makes you think they'd know
: the difference between chinks from Korea and chinks from Vietnam ? Or
: *care* ?

You're right, of course - they don't. Which is why I don't feel too bad
giving them a bit of pepper foam when I get tired playing Spiderman off the
walls of the truck.

Besides, I'm sure they killed *someone* who looked like me.

- Tae

- Tae

"Inter caeco regnat luscus."

[Gregory Bernath]

Hank Blake <hbla...@tyrannosaur.com> wrote:

>A chink's a Chinese, chump. AFAIK, a Korean is a...Korean.

I believe the correct derogatory term for a Korean would be "gook".

--
Greg Bernath gber...@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu

[Tae Hyong Kim]

In article <358e8bc3....@news.tyrannosaur.com>,
hbla...@tyrannosaur.com (Hank Blake) wrote:

: On 22 Jun 98 06:09:47 GMT, qui...@atlantis.actrix.gen.nz (Tony Quirke)

: wrote:
:
: >Tae H Kim <tk...@lynx02.dac.neu.edu> wrote:
: >

: >> I suppose if I told them in the beginning, that I'm Korean - not
: >> Vietnamese, that I'd save myself a lot of grief.
: >
: > You're Asian, and therefore a chink. What makes you think they'd know
: >the difference between chinks from Korea and chinks from Vietnam ? Or
: >*care* ?

:
: A chink's a Chinese, chump. AFAIK, a Korean is a...Korean.

Try 'yobo' - used to get called that all the time when I lived in Hawaii.
Couldn't tell you what it means, if anything, since I don't speak the
language. Hence the other name I used to get called 'banana' - yellow on
the outside, white inside. Even though it wasn't true, it still hurt. I was
never be able to finish my salmon croquets after someone called me that.
But I'm better now.

[Eggplant]

So, to which asian sub-race do we apply the term "slopehead", or more
commonly referred to as "slope"?

Eggplant

Hank Blake wrote in message <358ea8e9....@news.tyrannosaur.com>...

>>Hank Blake <hbla...@tyrannosaur.com> wrote:
>>
>>>A chink's a Chinese, chump. AFAIK, a Korean is a...Korean.
>>

>>I believe the correct derogatory term for a Korean would be "gook".
>

>In my book, that term is reserved for VC and NVA, but my definition may
>be a bit too narrow. It must have something to do with my involvement in
>that particular fiasco, uh, war, uh, police action, uh, conflict.
>

[Eggplant]

Tae, I think I know where that comes from.... Correct me if I'm wrong, but
isn't "Yo bo sey yo" an informal greeting in Korea? Hence the "Yobo" label?
Seems my time with Unc' Sam's Misguided Children might have paid off for
something more than being a complete asshole most of the time.

Eggplant

Tae Hyong Kim wrote in message ...

[A. Sears]

Tae Hyong Kim wrote:
>
> Try 'yobo' - used to get called that all the time when I lived in Hawaii.
> Couldn't tell you what it means, if anything, since I don't speak the
> language. Hence the other name I used to get called 'banana' - yellow on
> the outside, white inside.

Kinda like the brothers' term "Oreo", eh?

Don't forget the counterpart epithet to 'banana' -- "egg" -- for white
folks with an Oriental fixation (usu. white guys who prefer Asian women
-- see also "Kodak"*).

But the term could probably also apply to any roundeyes who'd allow
themselves to be seen in a lowered Integra with a Dixie-cup-dispenser
exhaust pipe and its foglights on all the time.

* (derived from a 3-year-old Woody Allen joke, the punchline of which
was, "they both come in little yellow boxes").

[Bob O`Brien]

Eggplant <eggp...@ameritech.net> wrote:
>So, to which asian sub-race do we apply the term "slopehead", or more
>commonly referred to as "slope"?
>
>Eggplant
>

[and then, the quoted material]

Asked and Answered?

WTF was that?

[Brian Saunders]

Hank Blake wrote:

> On Mon, 22 Jun 1998 16:27:08 -0400, "Eggplant" <eggp...@ameritech.net>
> wrote:

> >So, to which asian sub-race do we apply the term "slopehead", or more
> >commonly referred to as "slope"?

> Damfino.

I've heard it applied to all people of the Asian persuasion.

I try to avoid these terms, and not necessarily because I'm being
polite. The reason why is that they are often used in sweeping
generalizations (e.g. "why do slopes drive badly?"), and usually
sweeping generalizations are made when somebody is being annoying. I'd
rather blame people for being annoying because they are stupid or they
are a jerk, rather than using the excuse that it is due to their
ethnicity.

--
Brian Saunders saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu

[Brian Saunders]

This falls under the trivial category:

The previous thread to this one in my articles window was "I hate it
when". So, the net effect was "I hate it when Vinnie Dies and goes to
Hell".

Sort of amusing. Then again, maybe not.

--
Brian Saunders saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu

[Tae H Kim]

Jeffrey D. Angus (jan...@netcom.com) wrote:

: [ Tae rears his ugly mug ]

: Well well, speaking of rising from the dead. Where ya been asshole?

My stock answer to that question has *always* been 'prison', but I suspect
the majority of youse would not be impressed.

Working, living, hating - what more does one do?

: I'll have to pass along your suggestion for the reverse curved riot

: shields with the smiley faces.

: Big HMO's in the Los Anglese area get more than thier share of the
: types of shitbirds you refer to.

Los Angeles - Christ, just shoot the fuckers,. You get more done in the
day.

- Tae

[Tae H Kim]

Bob O`Brien (ob...@best.com) wrote:
: Tae H Kim <tk...@lynx02.dac.neu.edu> wrote:

: >Well, it *was* in response to their 'image' concerns.
: >

: Fabric covers; a mattress-looking fabric.
: In the heat of the moment, everyone uninvolved will think
: you had a really good grip on a firm little mattress.

: Solves their "image" problem while being probably
: an order of magnitude more effective.

Nice, but I forgot to mention the other problem with using mattresses -
you can't see what you're charging at. Clear plastic shields would allow
me to make last-minute course adjustments to the shimmy factor. And once
the nutjobs' trapped under plastic, I'd momentarily be transported back to
my childhood - a simpler time, when I had the whole day to trap insects
under glass, and bust out the magnifying glass.

'Course now, it'd be a Fresnel lens. Technology, you know.

- Tae

[The Vyrdolak]

tk...@shore.net (Tae Hyong Kim) wrote:

>Try 'yobo' - used to get called that all the time when I lived in Hawaii.
>Couldn't tell you what it means, if anything, since I don't speak the
>language.

A slang contraction for "YellOw BOy"?

We call niggers "yoes" in Baltimore for some reason. It supposedly
comes from the Spanish phrase for "I am" (yo soy).

-----
AS

[The Vyrdolak]

hbla...@tyrannosaur.com (Hank Blake) wrote:

>gber...@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu (Gregory Bernath) wrote:
>>I believe the correct derogatory term for a Korean would be "gook".
>
>In my book, that term is reserved for VC and NVA, but my definition may
>be a bit too narrow.

I think that does date from the Korean War. I muffed the "yobo" one,
but I think that's the GI pronunciation of some common Korean noun. I
read it on a military NG, I think.

ObPeeve: Missing the "WWII on the Homefront" lecture "The're No Yellow
in the Red, White and Blue" last month. Lot of goodies like the old
Warner Brother reels with Bugs Bunny slapping Tojo around.

-----
AS

[Notorious P.I.G.]

In article <EuyqM...@boss.cs.ohiou.edu> gber...@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu (Gregory Bernath) writes:

>Hank Blake <hbla...@tyrannosaur.com> wrote:
>>A chink's a Chinese, chump. AFAIK, a Korean is a...Korean.

>I believe the correct derogatory term for a Korean would be "gook".

Cut the crap. Use 'slanty-eyed, slopeheaded, rice-eatin' motherfuckers.
Then you got all yer bases covered.

VJ

[docfa...@my-dejanews.com]

In article <358ea8e9....@news.tyrannosaur.com>,
hbla...@tyrannosaur.com (Hank Blake) wrote:

>
> On Mon, 22 Jun 1998 17:15:46 GMT, gber...@oucsace.cs.ohiou.edu (Gregory
> Bernath) wrote:
>
> >Hank Blake <hbla...@tyrannosaur.com> wrote:
> >
> >>A chink's a Chinese, chump. AFAIK, a Korean is a...Korean.
> >
> >I believe the correct derogatory term for a Korean would be "gook".
>

> In my book, that term is reserved for VC and NVA, but my definition may

> be a bit too narrow. It must have something to do with my involvement in
> that particular fiasco, uh, war, uh, police action, uh, conflict.
>

We used to call the VC/NVA, "goddamned slant-eyed, slope-headed,
piss-complected, rice-gobbling gooks". As opposed to all the other gooks, I
suppose.
The Koreans were ROKS, and nasty bastards, too. No one fucked with them.
Chinese were chinks. Flipinos were flips or huks. Hawaiians were kanakis. Japs
were japs. Whites were haolis ("howlies"}. Samoans were HUGE. Standard racial
epithets were applied to all others.

docfarquar

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading

[Tony Quirke]

Hank Blake <hbla...@tyrannosaur.com> wrote:

> qui...@atlantis.actrix.gen.nz (Tony Quirke) wrote:
> >Tae H Kim <tk...@lynx02.dac.neu.edu> wrote:

> >> I suppose if I told them in the beginning, that I'm Korean - not
> >> Vietnamese, that I'd save myself a lot of grief.

> > You're Asian, and therefore a chink. What makes you think they'd know
> >the difference between chinks from Korea and chinks from Vietnam ? Or
> >*care* ?

> A chink's a Chinese, chump. AFAIK, a Korean is a...Korean.

Sorry to rain on your parade, dickhead, but I subscribe to the
descriptivist theory of dictionaries. It seems especially stupid to insist
on prescriptivism with reference to slang.

Said drunken boneheads referred to Tae as a chink, which seems
consistent with my own experience where I've seen the noun applied to
others of Asian descent other than Cantonese. I have little clue regarding
the terms gook or slope, these being rare where I am, but I'm happy to
assume that chink has mutated to refer to Asians in general.

> Peeve: Racists who can't get their bigotry straight.

Te hae te Pakeha, fuckwit. I got beaten for first place in my high
school achievement stampede by a half-breed, Maori/Irish. Worked harder
at the academics than anyone else I've seen. I've got a Maori uncle-in-law,
and I grew up with friends who were sons of tribal chiefs.

The term "chink" was used ironically, just as Tae used it. The only
beef I've got with Koreans is that the RoK sends out too much damn
propaganda in bibliographic exchange programmes.

[M Holmes]

Tony Quirke (qui...@atlantis.actrix.gen.nz) wrote:

: I could point out the most amazing spiel I received when I pissed off

: one super-patriot which fundamentally confused Maoris and Hawaiians. Or
: the person who insisted that koalas came from New Zealand, even attempting
: to correct me when I insisted otherwise.

Not unlike Bob Knauer telling us Scots that the telephone and television
were invented by americans.

: - Tony Q.

FoFP

[Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov]

In alt.tasteless Brian Saunders <saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu> wrote:
: I try to avoid these terms, and not necessarily because I'm being

: polite. The reason why is that they are often used in sweeping
: generalizations (e.g. "why do slopes drive badly?"), and usually
: sweeping generalizations are made when somebody is being annoying. I'd
: rather blame people for being annoying because they are stupid or they
: are a jerk, rather than using the excuse that it is due to their
: ethnicity.

Well isn't that just the definition of profound enlightenment? The key,
however, is that stereotypes come from somewhere - they're not invented
out of thin air. If you find that annoying, well, gee, I don't know what
to say.

And, while we're on the subject, just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway?

-Sharv

--
"Sometimes, alone in my cell at night, I'd say the word softly to myself.
'Sociopath.' Calling on the ice god to come into my soul. Willing to
be anything but afraid all the time." -- Andrew Vachss, "Blue Belle"

[Brian Saunders]

Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov wrote:

> And, while we're on the subject, just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway?

I'm not sure, but I imagine a good part of the reason is that they
didin't learn to drive in their own country, so many of them have just
started. It is an extension of the "it's too damned easy to get a
driver's license in this country" peeve.

What I want to know is:

1. Why do a large number of slopes shuffle their feet when they walk?
I've got a LOT of data to support this stereotype. If you hear feet
shuffling out in the hallway, you can be 99% certain it is a slope.
What's so damned hard about picking up one's feet?

2. Why do slopes seem to be more fixated on oral hygeine? I've noticed
that whenever I'm in the can at work near lunchtime, there almost always
is a slope in there brushing their teeth. This in of itself isn't a
peeve, but the fact that they have to clear their throats LOUDLY before
they spit the toothpaste out is a peeve (which leads to the "why do
slopes clear their throats loudly" peeve, but I've noticed that in many
non-slopes, so it isn't really a stereotype).

3. Yeah, I'm a hypocrite.

--
Brian Saunders saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu

[Kazuo]

In article <358FD405...@ncsa.uiuc.edu>, Brian Saunders <saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov wrote:
>

If you have ever been to Asia you will know that 99% of all Asians have fucked
up teeth: yellow, green, black, twisted spikes, vampire fangs etc, and in
Japan twisted grey fangs are the norm.
Kazuo

[E M Richards]

In article <6moidh$3lk$1...@eve.enteract.com>, <Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov> wrote:
>
>And, while we're on the subject, just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway?

For the same reason young Sicilian-American lads drive badly. You have
a hormone-crazed young man who is living rent-free at his parents' house.
He has a good job, no bills (certainly not rent), and blows his money on
a muscle car that he can barely control.

My brother-in-law (who was older than most of the other guys in the Navy
at the start) refers to these cars (purchased immediately upon graduation
from OCS or Annapolis) as "Ensignmobiles".

ObPeeve: I have a craving to own an Ensignmobile.

ObTasteless: I'd put fuzzy dice in it.
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Well, one of the qualities of Buddha is omniscience, and I guess
everyone just looks for omniscience in their own way."
-The Dalai Lama on the hours folks spend surfing the Internet

[Necronomicon Poodlefelch]

boo...@well.com (E M Richards) writes:

[ just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway ]

> For the same reason young Sicilian-American lads drive badly. You have
> a hormone-crazed young man who is living rent-free at his parents' house.
> He has a good job, no bills (certainly not rent), and blows his money on
> a muscle car that he can barely control.

You mean like a Toyota Camry?

It's my observation that it's not the young kids -- the "riceboys," with
their Acura Integras festooned with Kanji-character window decals and
oversized exhaust-pipe tips -- who are the lousy drivers; it's the married
people in their thirties and older, who drive Japanese sedans.

I don't know how far this phenomenon extends, but around here, probably
85-90% of the Toyota Camrys are driven by Oriental immigrants. And
they're usually equipped with a tasselled ornament hanging from the
rearview mirror, an AAA sticker on the rear bumper, slip-on lace
seatcovers, and often a plush white toy dog inside the back window.
Which is quite interesting, because to an American, one's automobile
is often a way of expressing one's individuality. With these people,
it's obviously a way of expressing one's conformity.

Another thing these cars have in common is that they're usually driven
slowly and timidly, and often ineptly as well. I've become so conditioned
to avoid them that I automatically get out from behind Toyota Camrys at
red lights, just like I do minivans and diesel Mercedes.

I've noticed the foot-scuffing thing, too -- especially at work where
there are a lot of FOB Orientals. It drives me bananas; I keep having to
fight the urge to stick my head out of my office and yell, "Pick up your
goddam feet when you walk!" I think the explanation is that away from
work, a lot of these people wear sandals.

Peeve: Toyota Camrys with Supra "Easter-basket-handle" spoilers grafted
onto them. Puh-LEEZE!

Geoff

--
"Having the right to do something does not mean that doing it is right."
-- William Safire

[Jeffrey D. Angus]

Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov writes:

>Well isn't that just the definition of profound enlightenment? The key,
>however, is that stereotypes come from somewhere - they're not invented
>out of thin air. If you find that annoying, well, gee, I don't know what
>to say.

>And, while we're on the subject, just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway?

That's easy. They're too short to see the lines in the roadway over the
hood.

And, if memory servers me correctly.

Chink Chinese
Dink/Gink Korean
Gook Vietnamese
Nip/Slope Japanese

ObBonus: While traveling around the far east, I noticed that EVERYONE
seems to hate the Japanese. Go figure...

Feltch.

[Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov]

In alt.tasteless Necronomicon Poodlefelch <geo...@fellate-me.com> wrote:

[Snipped, all the while marvelling at the above name]

: I don't know how far this phenomenon extends, but around here, probably

: 85-90% of the Toyota Camrys are driven by Oriental immigrants. And
: they're usually equipped with a tasselled ornament hanging from the
: rearview mirror, an AAA sticker on the rear bumper, slip-on lace
: seatcovers, and often a plush white toy dog inside the back window.

Heh - okay, next question, while we're on the subject of automobile
ornamentation - does anyone know, beyond a reasonable doubt, what exactly
those little plastic crowns are all about? They're normally seen, at
least in Da Windy City, on the back dashboards of black- or
hispanic-piloted urbanized vehicles.

I've heard varying theories, ranging from support/remembrance of Dr.
Martin Luther King Jr. (King -> crown, get it?), to a gang symbol (i.e.
the Latin Kings) to them being just a funky air freshener.

Anyone know the real deal? I'll donate a bucket of rib tips and a cheap
handgun to anyone with the best answer.

-Sharv

!Peeve: Geoff's always-entertaining aliases.

--
"Twentieth Century American history is the story of bad white men,
soldiers of fortune, shakedown artists, extortionists, legbreakers. The
lowest level implementors of public policy. Men who are often toadies of
right wing regimes. Men who are racists. Men who are homophobes. These
are my guys. These are the guys that I embrace. These are the guys that I
empathise with. These are the guys that I love. "
-- James Ellroy

[A. Sears]

E M Richards wrote:
>
> In article <6moidh$3lk$1...@eve.enteract.com>, <Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov> wrote:
> >

> >And, while we're on the subject, just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway?

Prolly 'cause they grew up in a place where almost nobody had cars, and
just learned how to drive -- well, almost learned -- when they got here,
somewhere between the ages of 30 to 80 years old.

Unfortunately, by that time their reflexes, reaction times, and powers
of spatial perception, which are so important to develop at a young age,
had atrophied to the point where a 30-year-old woman has the driving
skills of a 90-year-old man in a fedora, and exhibits many of the same
on-road behaviors.

> For the same reason young Sicilian-American lads drive badly. You have
> a hormone-crazed young man who is living rent-free at his parents' house.
> He has a good job, no bills (certainly not rent), and blows his money on
> a muscle car that he can barely control.

OK, now you're talking about a completely different variety of bad
driving -- the kids in lowered, souped-up Civics and Integras, making
sudden lane changes while blabbing to friends on the ever-present
cell-phones. Although really, they drive no worse than the
aforementioned Guidos in their IROC-Z's* and Mustangs.

*IROC: "Italian Retards Out Cruisin'"

Another type of car whose drivers seem to exhibit the same types of
behavior is the Itchypussy Eclipse. It's a somewhat-sporty-styled car,
at a relatively cheap price, which makes it appeal to exactly the type
of young, stupid, speed-racer wannabe that I often see driving them so
badly.

[Brian Saunders]

Necronomicon Poodlefelch wrote:

> I've noticed the foot-scuffing thing, too -- especially at work where
> there are a lot of FOB Orientals. It drives me bananas; I keep having to
> fight the urge to stick my head out of my office and yell, "Pick up your
> goddam feet when you walk!" I think the explanation is that away from
> work, a lot of these people wear sandals.

Yeah, but all the Kraut graduate students I knew wore sandals a good
amount of the time (Birkenstocks?), but they rarely shuffled. Then
again, they still have goose stepping in their genes, right?

--
Brian Saunders saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu

[Glen Appleby]

On 23 Jun 1998 18:47:10 GMT, Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov wrote:

>Heh - okay, next question, while we're on the subject of automobile
>ornamentation - does anyone know, beyond a reasonable doubt, what exactly
>those little plastic crowns are all about? They're normally seen, at
>least in Da Windy City, on the back dashboards of black- or
>hispanic-piloted urbanized vehicles.

<snip>

>Anyone know the real deal? I'll donate a bucket of rib tips and a cheap
>handgun to anyone with the best answer.

I figured that they were just Burger King crowns that the po' fok
got to give themselves esteem or .... to try to fool cops into
thinking that they were royality from another country (thus
giving them diplomatic immunity).

Peeve: Diplomatic Immunity.

--
Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job.
It is your job to find ways around your boss's roadblocks.
______________________________________________________________
Glen Appleby gl...@mtnweb.com <http://www.armory.com/~glena/>

[Prashanth Kuchibhotla]

Necronomicon Poodlefelch wrote:

> I don't know how far this phenomenon extends, but around here, probably
> 85-90% of the Toyota Camrys are driven by Oriental immigrants.
>

> Geoff

85% seems too high to me. I've always thought that the Camry is the first car
of choice for Indians (the ones from Asia) these days. And considering the
number of Indians in San Jose and vicinity, they'd surely be more than 15% of
the Camry population.

A friend of mine was giving me directions to an Indian event at a local school,
and the directions went, "...take LBJ to Garland and follow all the Camrys and
Accords."

In my book, I avoid getting behind Volvos, Lincolns, Cadillacs, mini-vans, and
big ol' Buicks.

- Prashanth
prashanth
ti
com
You add the dots.

[Ayse Sercan]

Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov wrote:
>Heh - okay, next question, while we're on the subject of automobile
>ornamentation - does anyone know, beyond a reasonable doubt, what exactly
>those little plastic crowns are all about? They're normally seen, at
>least in Da Windy City, on the back dashboards of black- or
>hispanic-piloted urbanized vehicles.

Dunno about the Black versions, but the Hispanic ones are religious icons.
The Crown of Christ the King, y'know.

--
ay...@netcom.com
"Life is too important to take seriously." -- Corky Siegel

[Chris Pando]

Jeffrey D. Angus wrote:

[piss poor driving asians]

> ObBonus: While traveling around the far east, I noticed that EVERYONE
> seems to hate the Japanese. Go figure...
>

The jews are pretty much on speaking term with the germans, yet
the japanese are detested from China thru Burma (the Thais don't
seem to have strong feelings - collaborationist guilt) and into
Indonesia. I guess the japanese were a lot nastier than the
germans (and more sincere in their belief that they were
genetically superior). I saw wonderful murals in Bukkittingi
(Northern Sumatra) of the Japanese supervising crews of slave
labor. I suspect the japanese will be hated in Indonesia for
generations to come, 'cause memories don't fade if they are
constantly refreshed.

ObTasteless: Murals at Tuol Seng (the first stop on the
way to the killing fields) showing Khmer Rouge playing
a game of catch with babies and bayonets.

ObPeeve: Didn't get a photo.

Chris
---
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person,
nation, or creed.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

[Kazuo]

In article <pigfaceE...@netcom.com>, pig...@netcom.com (Notorious P.I.G.) wrote:
>Well, almost anyway. I guess there were no free beds.
>
>Breezed into town yesterday, and stopped at Long's to get some

Hey Vinnie! Glad to hear you are ok at this poiint. I recommend a daily
intake of Bromptons Cocktail, meperdine, and vicodine. Will help a lot. Lay
off the booze and live a little longer your acerbic fuck!!!!
Kazuo

[Andrew Frederiksen]

In article <358FFDA5...@ncsa.uiuc.edu>,
Brian Saunders <saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu> wrote:

>Necronomicon Poodlefelch wrote:

>> I've noticed the foot-scuffing thing, too -- especially at work where

>> there are a lot of FOB Orientals. [...]

>> I think the explanation is that away from
>> work, a lot of these people wear sandals.

>Yeah, but all the Kraut graduate students I knew wore sandals a good
>amount of the time (Birkenstocks?), but they rarely shuffled.

Flip-flops versus Birks, I think. Birkenstocks have ankle straps, so one
can walk properly without losing one's sandals. Flip-flops, on the other
hand, are aptly named. I loathe 'em.

-- A.

--
-- Andrew Frederiksen, fred...@unixg.ubc.ca aka an...@geop.ubc.ca
-- http://www.geop.ubc.ca/~andyf

[Nosy]

<In article <6mot7e$81e$1...@eve.enteract.com> Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov writes:

[Crowns]

> Anyone know the real deal?

Incense burner/deoderizer.

<I'll donate a bucket of rib tips and a cheap
<handgun to anyone with the best answer.

Lemme know when the goods are showing up.

[Daniel Podgurski]

On Tue, 23 Jun 1998, Ayse Sercan wrote:

> Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov wrote:
> >Heh - okay, next question, while we're on the subject of automobile
> >ornamentation - does anyone know, beyond a reasonable doubt, what exactly
> >those little plastic crowns are all about? They're normally seen, at
> >least in Da Windy City, on the back dashboards of black- or
> >hispanic-piloted urbanized vehicles.
>
> Dunno about the Black versions, but the Hispanic ones are religious icons.
> The Crown of Christ the King, y'know.

They're NOT religious icons...

They're car air fresheners. I used to sell 'em at a local home and auto
store. They're quite strong...

OBT: I posted before that I was upchucking, well, it was because my blood
sugar was above 600mg/dl (normal is between 70 and 125). I was running
around with ketosis for about a month before I was diagnosed with
diabetes.

Yip, I have fun with a needle now. It's quite a thing to wake up to in
the morning.

Even tastier: the long term complications of Diabetes. Blindness,
liver/kidney problems, infections, amputations...my next door neighbor,
when I was growing up, lost his kidneys and part of a leg to his knee.

JOY!

Dan

[Roger Lee]

In article <358FD405...@ncsa.uiuc.edu>,
Brian Saunders <saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu> wrote:

>Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov wrote:
>> And, while we're on the subject, just why *do* slopes drive badly, anyway?
>

>I'm not sure, but I imagine a good part of the reason is that they
>didin't learn to drive in their own country,

Or perhaps they DID learn how to drive in their own country. This may
be part of the problem.

Having never driven in asia, though, I'm not sure. I have, however,
driven in South America, and if that branch of civilization is anything
like our eastern brethren, it goes a LONG way toward explaining that
particular phenomenon.

--
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music,
no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

-- Steve Wright

[Julian Macassey]

In article <6mot7e$81e$1...@eve.enteract.com>, <Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov> wrote:
>
>Heh - okay, next question, while we're on the subject of automobile
>ornamentation - does anyone know, beyond a reasonable doubt, what exactly
>those little plastic crowns are all about? They're normally seen, at
>least in Da Windy City, on the back dashboards of black- or
>hispanic-piloted urbanized vehicles.
>

>I've heard varying theories, ranging from support/remembrance of Dr.
>Martin Luther King Jr. (King -> crown, get it?), to a gang symbol (i.e.
>the Latin Kings) to them being just a funky air freshener.
>

>Anyone know the real deal? I'll donate a bucket of rib tips and a cheap

>handgun to anyone with the best answer.

I'll take the handgun in a large caliber.

They are as you put it. "Funky air freshener".

You can buy them at yer local greaser car parts place.

ObTasteless: Have you ever smelled one of those things?

--
"People like Julian Macassey are a big reason why I own guns."
Francis A. Ney, Jr <cro...@access.digex.net>

[Dan Sorenson]

boo...@well.com (E M Richards) writes:

>For the same reason young Sicilian-American lads drive badly. You have
>a hormone-crazed young man who is living rent-free at his parents' house.
>He has a good job, no bills (certainly not rent), and blows his money on
>a muscle car that he can barely control.

<sigh!> Oh, how I'd like to have that arrangement, at least
until this desire for a muscle-car passes. It must be that mid-life
crisis thing I'm always hearing about, but I've decided upon a
practical, comfortable, sedate second car. I'm buying it next week,
as a matter of fact. Yet I spent 15 minutes this morning, fifteen
minutes that I should have spent riding to work, examining a '69
AMX SST with 390, 4-speed Hurst crashbox, Mark Donahue package,
no rust, no bondo, and only an AM radio for creature comforts.

Peeve: the guy down the road has 3 Javelin SST's and a '62
Thunderbird sitting in the equipment shed, all for sale.

Bigger Peeve: I can afford to buy one of them, or my sedate,
practical car that I'd let April drive to work this fall.

ObServation: you'd think, after owning a Gremlin during
high school, that I'd have no fondness for cars by AMC.

--
* Dan Sorenson DoD #1066 ASSHOLE #35 BOTY 1997 vik...@probe.net *
* Vikings? There ain't no vikings here. Just us honest farmers. *
* The town was burning, the villagers were dead. They didn't need *
* those sheep anyway. That's our story and we're sticking to it. *

[Bob O`Brien]

Daniel Podgurski <b...@conan.ids.net> wrote:

>should I sing something about a plastic jesus on my dashboard here?
>
>ObT Skunks. In Rhode Island, skunks are plentiful, and can commonly be
>seen flattened on our roads and highways. It doesn't matter where you
>are, even the most urban areas seem to host skunks, and just now, I think
>a skunk got a dog, I got a good whiff of it through the window, and I'm on
>the second floor...

Hey, Dan - you forgot the ObPeeve. Here, I'll add one for 'ya:

ObPeeve: crossposts that have run their course, and *should*
have the merciful thing done, but people fail to notice.

Bob O`Bob
--
"What do you want to reinstall today?"

[Bob O`Brien]

Articulate Mandible <nua...@pacbell.net> wrote:

>In article <6moqrd$p...@limerock.chunkstyle.com>, geo...@fellate-me.com (Necronomicon Poodlefelch) wrote:
>
>>It's my observation that it's not the young kids -- the "riceboys," with
>>their Acura Integras festooned with Kanji-character window decals and
>>oversized exhaust-pipe tips -- who are the lousy drivers; it's the married
>>people in their thirties and older, who drive Japanese sedans.
>

>Hey! I resemble that!

Naaah. It'd need a few more adjectives.

One or two amplifying "older", along with
something along the lines of "shitbox" or "clapped-out"
to modify "Japanese sedans".

[Pat Steppic]

Chris Pando wrote:
>
> The jews are pretty much on speaking term with the germans, yet
> the japanese are detested from China thru Burma (the Thais don't
> seem to have strong feelings - collaborationist guilt) and into
> Indonesia. I guess the japanese were a lot nastier than the
> germans (and more sincere in their belief that they were

> genetically superior). ^^^^

"are."

I guess there's a new movie in Japan, about Tojo, which portrays
him as a kind and gentle father/grandfather who just tried to do
his duty. The story deals with his war crimes trial, in which
it's pointed out (accurately, from what I've read) that
objections were raised on behalf of the defense (and immediately
squelched) regarding use of saturation firebombing and nuclear
weapons, and questioning why Curtis LeMay wasn't next to Tojo
in the dock.

The whole Nanking thing is, of course, completely glossed over
in the movie.

I think I'd feel a little better (or at least, wouldn't feel
quite so annoyed) at the self-flagellation of American hippies
every August - by people who weren't even _born_ in 1945 - and
their sanctimonious "apologies" for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, if
there were even an _acknowlegement_, not necessarily an apology,
of what happened in Nanking.

Or Bataan.

Or Indonesia.

Or...or...or.

> I saw wonderful murals in Bukkittingi
> (Northern Sumatra) of the Japanese supervising crews of slave
> labor.

Were there hordes of Japanese tourists taking pictures?

ObSurreal: Hunter Thompson's "The Curse of Lono," in which he
describes the Hawaii marathon which takes place on or around
Pearl Harbor day...and the spectacle of thousands of Japanese
tourists running by the Arizona memorial on December 7th.

Incidentally, the Missouri has made it to Pearl, after sitting
relatively neglected in Bremerton, WA, for lo, these many years.
I've never had any desire to visit Hawaii, but this might be
sufficient reason.

> ObTasteless: Murals at Tuol Seng (the first stop on the
> way to the killing fields) showing Khmer Rouge playing
> a game of catch with babies and bayonets.

That's what the Americans said the Japanese did. I imagine that
the Limeys said the same about the Huns twenty-five years prior,
and if things would have gone on a little longer, I'm sure we
would have heard about the same things happening in Kuwait at
the hands of the Iraqis. Similar stories did make it out, even
if they were subsequently shown to be patent fabrications.

Pat "Were the Argies ever accused of doing that
in The Falklands?" Steppic

--
================================================================
Make the obvious changes in the above e-mail address to respond.

"If there exists any peaceful place in the world where a little
quiet contemplation can be had, sooner or later someone will
invent some "sport" that trashes it."
- badpenny@[127.0.0.1] (George Washington Hayduke)

"That Cat's Something
I Can't Explain"

[Ayse Sercan]

Daniel Podgurski <b...@conan.ids.net> wrote:
>On Tue, 23 Jun 1998, Ayse Sercan wrote:
>> Dunno about the Black versions, but the Hispanic ones are religious icons.
>> The Crown of Christ the King, y'know.
>
>They're NOT religious icons...
>
>They're car air fresheners. I used to sell 'em at a local home and auto
>store. They're quite strong...

Beg pardon, but the ones my (very Hispanic) cousins have in their cars are
given out by the church to families who donate a lot to the church. They
have a small vial of holy water in them, and are not in any way air
fresheners. There may be something similar that is, I'll grant you, but
I'm speaking, naturally, from my own experience.

[William...@nashville.com]

On 1998-06-23 zapspa...@holyrood.ed.ac.uk(MHolmes) said:

>Not unlike Bob Knauer telling us Scots that the telephone and
>television were invented by americans.

You mean not a Canadian (okay, an immigrant) and a Russian?

[William...@nashville.com]

On 1998-06-23 Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov said:

>Heh - okay, next question, while we're on the subject of automobile
>ornamentation - does anyone know, beyond a reasonable doubt, what
>exactly those little plastic crowns are all about? They're
>normally seen, at least in Da Windy City, on the back dashboards of
>black- or hispanic-piloted urbanized vehicles.

They are, indeed, air fresheners. But the people who like them keep them
around long after the air-freshening is used up.

[Jeffrey D. Angus]

ay...@netcom.com (Ayse Sercan) writes:

>Daniel Podgurski <b...@conan.ids.net> wrote:
>>On Tue, 23 Jun 1998, Ayse Sercan wrote:
>>
>>They're car air fresheners. I used to sell 'em at a local home and auto
>>store. They're quite strong...

>Beg pardon, but the ones my (very Hispanic) cousins have in their cars are
>given out by the church to families who donate a lot to the church. They
>have a small vial of holy water in them, and are not in any way air
>fresheners.

Don't you see this?

I suspect that originally, and ther *are* numerous ones out there *with*
holy water in them. But somebody in marketing figured out you can sell
them with airfreshener in them to the masses. You get the smell of hot-
sauce, piss and stale beer barf out of the car, and your friends think
you've donated money to the church.

What could be better...

Well, I have an idea on that too. Since they keep geeting the religious
types involved in "gang stabilization" (Or whatever the touchy feely
phrase of the week is for letting gangs work together to maximize profits
is). Since they want to show unity between the various gangs, and how
*most* gangs tend to identify themselves through a chosen color, how about
getting them all to put those rainbow decals in thier windows.

Just a thought.

[Rob Kearey]

Jeffrey D. Angus wrote:

> ay...@netcom.com (Ayse Sercan) writes:

> >Daniel Podgurski <b...@conan.ids.net> wrote:
> >>On Tue, 23 Jun 1998, Ayse Sercan wrote:

> >>They're car air fresheners. I used to sell 'em at a local home and auto
> >>store. They're quite strong...

> >Beg pardon, but the ones my (very Hispanic) cousins have in their cars are
> >given out by the church to families who donate a lot to the church. They
> >have a small vial of holy water in them, and are not in any way air
> >fresheners.

Why can't they just consecrate the air-freshening liquid? Smell the
Holiness!

> Feltch.

--
Robert Kearey Network Services
The Prentice Centre University of Queensland
(07) 3365 8527 "What!? No Gravy!?"

[The Vyrdolak]

Chris Pando <Sirk-...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>
>The jews are pretty much on speaking term with the germans, yet

>the japanese are detested from China thru Burma I guess the

>japanese were a lot nastier than the germans

I don't know, I think a lot _more_ of the people who would really have
borne grudges against the Germans were killed than their counterparts
in Asia. Except for the Chinese war, Japanese didn't go in for mass
slaughter, just what was necessary or desirable for population control
and saki-soaked jollies. More people left alive with memories.

Germany has also had a more central role in European affairs over the
past five centuries than Japan played in the Far East, so an
accomodation needed to be reached.

Either that, or kill every last tow-headed one of them and salt the
earth over their mass graves.

-----
AS

"Why Commandant, long time no see!"
- David Letterman,
Top Ten Phrases for Jewish Tourists Visiting South America

[The Vyrdolak]

Ka...@lostintheabby.com (Kazuo) wrote:
>
>If you have ever been to Asia you will know that 99% of all Asians have fucked
>up teeth: yellow, green, black, twisted spikes, vampire fangs etc, and in
>Japan twisted grey fangs are the norm.

Ghod yes. A woman I work with looks like the hottest, leather
micro-mini-clad fuckee suckee object you could hope to find, but her
teeth are like lumps of blue cheese. I long for the chance to taste
her breath, but shudder at the same time.

A couple others: A Chinese guy who has a broken upper incisor with
only about one-third left. Mine were just as bad (my first thought
after breaking them was "Christ, I look like _____" , but I had them
capped, unlike this guy. He also has a huge whitehead on his throat,
about 1cm long. I've given up talking to him at luncheons, I can't
look at it without wanting to yak. Also, an Indian with a curved
front tooth that looks like an animal's claw.

I was a pre-orthodontia nightmare myself. A bronze of my tooth
casting would make a hell of a TSS gift.

-----
AS

[Daniel Podgurski]

On Wed, 24 Jun 1998, Ayse Sercan wrote:

> Daniel Podgurski <b...@conan.ids.net> wrote:

> >They're car air fresheners. I used to sell 'em at a local home and auto
> >store. They're quite strong...
>
> Beg pardon, but the ones my (very Hispanic) cousins have in their cars are
> given out by the church to families who donate a lot to the church. They
> have a small vial of holy water in them, and are not in any way air

> fresheners. There may be something similar that is, I'll grant you, but
> I'm speaking, naturally, from my own experience.

I stand corrected on that, though the ones on the shelf look suspiciously
like the ones in the cars I've seen...apparently we're both speaking from
personal experience. heh.

Holy water isn't gonna protect ya from that big ol' semi barrelling
through a red light, however...

should I sing something about a plastic jesus on my dashboard here?

ObT Skunks. In Rhode Island, skunks are plentiful, and can commonly be
seen flattened on our roads and highways. It doesn't matter where you
are, even the most urban areas seem to host skunks, and just now, I think
a skunk got a dog, I got a good whiff of it through the window, and I'm on
the second floor...

Even the worst fart I've had doesn't beat skunk...whew...

Dan

[Articulate Mandible]

[Articulate Mandible]

In article <*argh*frantic-ya0240800...@news.frontiernet.net>, *argh*frantic@*argh*frontiernet.net (david s. broudy) wrote:
>In article <6moqrd$p...@limerock.chunkstyle.com>, geo...@fellate-me.com
>(Necronomicon Poodlefelch) wrote:
>

>- Peeve: Toyota Camrys with Supra "Easter-basket-handle" spoilers grafted
>- onto them. Puh-LEEZE!
>
>Eh, sorta almost beats a 10-year old rusted-out Hyundai Excel with rims as
>wide as a sideways wine barrel with 1" high tires on em, and a stereo
[...]
>
>But not by much.

What's gottem all beat is a F.I.A.T. Abarth OT1600. Picture a F.I.A.T.
600 with a 1600cc twincam mill, huge Webers, those abovementioned wide
rims, a suspension from heaven, and a driver to match. It's the Italian
Mini-Cooper S.

[Chris Pando]

Pat Steppic wrote:
>
> Chris Pando wrote:

[the japanese weren't very nice in WWII]

> > I saw wonderful murals in Bukkittingi
> > (Northern Sumatra) of the Japanese supervising crews of slave
> > labor.
>
> Were there hordes of Japanese tourists taking pictures?
>

None at all. In a month spent in Sumatra I saw one japanese
tourist, and people were walking out of shops to stare at
her. Not a lot of hostility, more like observing an
emasculated demon.

... snip ...

>> ObTasteless: Murals at Tuol Seng (the first stop on the
>> way to the killing fields) showing Khmer Rouge playing
>> a game of catch with babies and bayonets.
>
> That's what the Americans said the Japanese did. I imagine that
> the Limeys said the same about the Huns twenty-five years prior,
> and if things would have gone on a little longer, I'm sure we
> would have heard about the same things happening in Kuwait at
> the hands of the Iraqis. Similar stories did make it out, even
> if they were subsequently shown to be patent fabrications.
>

Killing babies makes for wonderful propaganda.

Chris

[Deliverer]

On Tue, 23 Jun 1998 17:30:23 -0700, Pat Steppic
<hpat@remove_this.eskimo.com> wrote:

<<<<snippage>>>>

>That's what the Americans said the Japanese did. I imagine that
>the Limeys said the same about the Huns twenty-five years prior,
>and if things would have gone on a little longer, I'm sure we
>would have heard about the same things happening in Kuwait at
>the hands of the Iraqis. Similar stories did make it out, even
>if they were subsequently shown to be patent fabrications.
>

>Pat "Were the Argies ever accused of doing that
> in The Falklands?" Steppic

Actually, the Argies were accused of raping sheep but that isn't
considered a war crime. They say the sheep actually enjoyed it but
who really knows the truth.

==deliverer==

Baad Nudes

[Brian Saunders]

Rob Kearey wrote:

> > >Beg pardon, but the ones my (very Hispanic) cousins have in their cars are
> > >given out by the church to families who donate a lot to the church. They
> > >have a small vial of holy water in them, and are not in any way air
> > >fresheners.

> Why can't they just consecrate the air-freshening liquid? Smell the
> Holiness!

Smell the skull of Jesus?

Peeve: it's too damned hot in Chambana this week. When all the
forcasted highs are in the 90's (98 on Saturday!!!), it's time to find a
pool.

!Peeve: Thankfully, I'm working in a newer building with a decent
central air system.

--
Brian Saunders saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu

[Articulate Mandible]

In article <6mq1s2$5bs$1...@shell3.ba.best.com>, ob...@best.com (Bob O`Brien) wrote:

>Articulate Mandible <nua...@pacbell.net> wrote:
>>In article <6moqrd$p...@limerock.chunkstyle.com>, geo...@fellate-me.com
> (Necronomicon Poodlefelch) wrote:

[ricebox-driving fogeys]

>>
>>Hey! I resemble that!
>
>Naaah. It'd need a few more adjectives.
>
>One or two amplifying "older", along with
>something along the lines of "shitbox" or "clapped-out"
>to modify "Japanese sedans".

Hey! I resemble that!

[Bob O`Brien]

Chris Pando <Sirk-...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>Pat Steppic wrote:
>> Chris Pando wrote:
>>> ObTasteless: Murals at Tuol Seng (the first stop on the
>>> way to the killing fields) showing Khmer Rouge playing
>>> a game of catch with babies and bayonets.
>>

>> That's what the Americans said the Japanese did. I imagine that
>> the Limeys said the same about the Huns twenty-five years prior,
>> and if things would have gone on a little longer, I'm sure we
>> would have heard about the same things happening in Kuwait at
>> the hands of the Iraqis. Similar stories did make it out, even
>> if they were subsequently shown to be patent fabrications.
>>
>

>Killing babies makes for wonderful propaganda.
>

"and you know what the best part is?"

"what's that?"

"two generations from now, reading the history books..."

"what?"

"no one, and I mean _no_one_, will believe it."

"oh ... right. <buuurrrp> Pass me that rump of small boy, willya?"

[mic...@my-dejanews.com]

In article <359113A9...@ncsa.uiuc.edu>,

Brian Saunders <saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>
> Rob Kearey wrote:
>
> > > >Beg pardon, but the ones my (very Hispanic) cousins have in their cars
are
> > > >given out by the church to families who donate a lot to the church. They
> > > >have a small vial of holy water in them, and are not in any way air
> > > >fresheners.

I can't believe no one's gotten it yet.

Get 10 gold crowns at the dentist, get a free one for your car.

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading

[Kazuo]

In article <6moqrd$p...@limerock.chunkstyle.com>, geo...@fellate-me.com (Necronomicon Poodlefelch) wrote:
>
>

Here in Nip land, eveyone has the front and rear dash board of their cars
stuffed with nasty-cute-repugnent ornimantation: stuffed animals are by far
the most popular, along with little girl dolls and and awary of other mind
boggling shit. The meaner one is the more worthless and pathetic shit can be
found in one's car. Two blocks from my home is the local Yakuza office -
those good fella's with punch permed hair, full body tatooing and missing
digits. All of them have cars full of childish crap - and I would not fuck
with any of them, but I do know a few of them because we frequent the same
local neighborhood public bath.
Kazuo

>
>It's my observation that it's not the young kids -- the "riceboys," with
>their Acura Integras festooned with Kanji-character window decals and
>oversized exhaust-pipe tips -- who are the lousy drivers; it's the married
>people in their thirties and older, who drive Japanese sedans.
>

>I don't know how far this phenomenon extends, but around here, probably
>85-90% of the Toyota Camrys are driven by Oriental immigrants. And
>they're usually equipped with a tasselled ornament hanging from the
>rearview mirror, an AAA sticker on the rear bumper, slip-on lace

[E M Richards]

In article <35917C...@do.not.reply.to.earthlink.net>,
Chris Pando <Sirk-...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>
>[1] Psalm 137:8-9 as paraphrased from memory
>Damn you Babylon, and may you suffer as you have made us suffer.
>Blessed be the man who grabs your babies by the ankles and
>smashes their fucking brains out against the nearest available
>rock.

http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?language=English&version=NIV&search=&passage=Psalms+137

HTH.

Pretty grim, with or without the paraphrasing.

--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Well, one of the qualities of Buddha is omniscience, and I guess
everyone just looks for omniscience in their own way."
-The Dalai Lama on the hours folks spend surfing the Internet

[Chris Pando]

Bob O`Brien wrote:
>

[babies and bayonets; truth or fiction?]

> >
> >Killing babies makes for wonderful propaganda.
> >
>
> "and you know what the best part is?"
>
> "what's that?"
>
> "two generations from now, reading the history books..."
>
> "what?"
>
> "no one, and I mean _no_one_, will believe it."
>
> "oh ... right. <buuurrrp> Pass me that rump of small boy, willya?"

I doubt the Khmer Rouge were actually playing catch with the
babies. I think they lacked that sense of play. I don't doubt
that they were smashing the babies' brains out with rifle butts
(or big rocks, for that matter). Infanticide has a long and
glorious tradition[1]. The Khmer Rouge, being for the most
part illiterate, were not quite up to german standards when
it came to documenting their genocide, but they did have
polaroid cameras. There are about 40,000 polaroids stapled
the the walls at Tuol Seng, and every person in every one of
those photos was killed. Babies didn't get separate photos,
they just sat on their mother's laps. I think after every
holocaust people swear never to forget, but as somebody
or another said, "Who remembers the Armenians?" There
will be a day when nobody remembers the victims of the
Khmer Rouge, either, and they probably will think it
was all just propaganda.

ObPeeve: Tuol Seng. I don't get depressed, but after
visiting I was so bummed out that I couldn't *even*
go to the killing fields. Instead I spent two days in
my hotel room, self-medicating with a mild herbal
anti-depressant, reading Anna Karenin, and
waiting for beer o'clock.

ObTasteless: The Ustashi did not commit atrocities only on adult
men and women of the Serbian, Jewish and Gypsy nationalities but
also on children who were still infants feeding on their mother's
milk. It is difficult to find adequate words to express this
kind of Ustashi bestiality. Infants were shot in their cribs,
babies were foisted on bayonets, slaughtered with knives,
razors and axes, burned in their homes, in brickyards and
in the Jasenovac crematorium, boiled in soap-melting cauldrons,
bound together and thrown into rivers and wells, thrown alive
into caves and grottos, asphyxiated in cyanide and poisoned with
caustic soda, killed through hunger, thirst and exposure.

photos available at:
http://www.yugoslavia.com/Society_and_Law/Jasenovac/child.htm

ObTasty: Go with the rump of little girl. They're made of sugar
and spice and everything nice.

Chris

[1] Psalm 137:8-9 as paraphrased from memory
Damn you Babylon, and may you suffer as you have made us suffer.
Blessed be the man who grabs your babies by the ankles and
smashes their fucking brains out against the nearest available
rock.

---
"jeez, ma, if you don't like my friends, try the salad."
Jeffrey Dahmer, at dinner

[Nathan J Nagel]

Excerpts from netnews.alt.tasteless: 22-Jun-98 Re: Vinnie Dies and goes
to.. by "A. Sears"@ten.tenew
>
> * (derived from a 3-year-old Woody Allen joke, the punchline of which
> was, "they both come in little yellow boxes").

Isn't that ironic... (who's he banging again? Not that I wouldn't, mind
you...)

nate

[Pat Steppic]

Andrew Frederiksen wrote:
>
> In article <358FFDA5...@ncsa.uiuc.edu>,
> Brian Saunders <saun...@ncsa.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>
> >Yeah, but all the Kraut graduate students I knew wore sandals a good
> >amount of the time (Birkenstocks?), but they rarely shuffled.
>
> Flip-flops versus Birks, I think. Birkenstocks have ankle straps, so one
> can walk properly without losing one's sandals.

Not always. Most Birks don't have ankle straps; some do.

In the case of the Orientals, I think it might be a bit of a
survival instinct - if you shuffle along a jungle path, you're
less likely to skewer yourself on punji stakes or come down hard
on Toe Poppers[1], after all. Krauts have never really had to
deal with that sort of thing.

Pat "Shuffling makes no difference in a mine field" Steppic

[1] Toe Poppers: Take a narrow tube, about 12" long. Insert a
5.56mm NATO round, put some sort of wadding over it (ObT:
perhaps a turd, or some other infectious agent). Insert a
nail into the tube, so that it just touches the primer, and
the head of the nail just sticks out of the tube. Bury,
pointing up, with about 1" of ground clearance. When
someone steps on the tube, he pushes the round into the
nail, it fires, and you've got a casualty.

...or so I've heard.

[The Vyrdolak]

>Chris Pando <Sirk-...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>
>Killing babies makes for wonderful propaganda.

True. One of the early scenes in _Alexander Nevsky_ shows the
Teutonic Knights tossing children into the flames after the sack of
Novgorod (early 13th cent). Some thing never change....

[The Vyrdolak]

Chris Pando <sirk...@do.not.reply.to.earthlink.net> wrote:

> I think after every holocaust people swear never to forget, but as
>somebody or another said, "Who remembers the Armenians?"

It was probably an Armenian.

[David Skogsberg]

In article <35939663...@news.mindspring.com>,

Serdar Argic, perhaps?

cd
--
"Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke is more than just a meaningless
slogan; it's actually a pretty serious statement, and one that I hold
true to, with a cream pie in one hand and a chainsaw in the other..."
-- Pee Kitty

[Jesper Lauridsen]

On Wed, 24 Jun 1998 13:35:34 GMT, nake.ladi...@me.com (Deliverer) wrote:

>Actually, the Argies were accused of raping sheep but that isn't
>considered a war crime. They say the sheep actually enjoyed it but
>who really knows the truth.

Lately I've been looking through some of my old mail
files. Here's a couple of slightly relevant pieces.

--------------------------------------------------------
>From: ga...@bigwpi.WPI.EDU (Gabriel Aleja Bernardez)
>Newsgroups: alt.sex.bestiality
>Subject: Foreign Fantasies
>Message-ID: <1me4i0$l...@bigboote.WPI.EDU>
>Date: 23 Feb 93 21:22:08 GMT
>Organization: Worcester Polytechnic Institute
>Lines: 27
>NNTP-Posting-Host: bigwpi.wpi.edu

I want to share one of my fantasies...

I used to love walking in the wilderness in my homeland of
Argentina. I love the smell of the fresh air and the wild beasts
that roam the mountainous areas. One day I was walking and I saw
two mountain goats fighting over their territory. I immediately hid,
so I could watch this fierce battle. After that, the most amazing
thing happened! The victorious male found a female who was grazing
closeby, and started their mating ritual. I was both shocked and
excited to see this... I was aroused, and I couldn't hold back, so
I began masterbating.
I'm not really that good-looking, so most of the girls in my
town usually try to avoid me. This used to make me feel bad, because
I knew that I would never be able to fulfill my fantasies with them.
But that day, I realized that I could make up new fantasies! I
decided that one day I would have that female goat in my grasp!
So, here I am in the U.S. studying in college, but I still
yearn for my homeland, where I can fulfill my dreams. Nobody knew
about my secret fantasies, but I couldn't live with myself until I
decided that I would tell everybody my true feelings. So I'm writing
this so I can feel free to express myself. Now, I can openly express
my feelings towards the magnificent beasts that roam in the wilds of
my country!
--------------------------------------------------------
>From owner-ran...@sagarmatha.com Tue Mar 4 13:54:18 1997
>Sender: owner-ran...@sagarmatha.com
>X-Sender: d...@scooter.gcal.ac.uk
>Message-Id: <l03010d04af41ac91b145@[193.62.237.88]>
>Date: Tue, 4 Mar 1997 10:55:45 +0000
>To: ranger...@sagarmatha.com
>From: Don Myles <D.M...@gcal.ac.uk>
>Subject: Pulp Fiction 2 (Cert 18)

Make sure to use the Aberdonian accent for full effect.

The Scene:
John Travolta and Sammuel J. Jackson sitting in car talking.

(Pulp Fiction music fades off...)
S: Ok, so tell me again about the Aberdonians.
J: Whaddya wanna know?

S: Beastiality is legal there right?
J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk
into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They wan't you to
shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.

S: And those are pubs, right ?
J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to own
a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its ILLEGAL
to fuck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos, getta
loada this, the police in Aberdeen are too stupid to notice you've got a
sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's the intellect the police in
Aberdeen DON'T have.

S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never fuckin'
goin'.
J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest thing
about Aberdeen is?

S: What?
J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people up
there as we got here, but there they're a little different.

S: Example.
J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Aberdeen and order a measure of
coke, and I'm not talkin' about no white nose dust, I'm talkin' about a
GLASS of sheep dip. And in Dingwall you can buy sheep dip in MacDonalds. Do
you know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Aberdeen?

S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?
J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the fuck a
1/4 pounder is.

S: So whadda they call it?
J: A (assumes Aberdonian accent) "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch".

S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?
J: That's right.

S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?
J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent again).

S: (immitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?
J: Ha ha ha

S: Whadda they call a Whopper?
J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on French
Fries in Aberdeen instead of ketchup?

S: What?
J: Oil.

S: Arrr man...
J: I,ve seen 'um do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.
(cue Music)

Don

[Chris Pando]

The Vyrdolak wrote:
>
> Chris Pando <sirk...@do.not.reply.to.earthlink.net> wrote:
>
> > I think after every holocaust people swear never to forget, but as
> >somebody or another said, "Who remembers the Armenians?"
>
> It was probably an Armenian.

I believe it was an Austrian.

Chris

[Notorious P.I.G.]

In article <6mot7e$81e$1...@eve.enteract.com> Sh...@burpleson.afb.gov writes:
>In alt.tasteless Necronomicon Poodlefelch <geo...@fellate-me.com> wrote:
>[Snipped, all the while marvelling at the above name]
>!Peeve: Geoff's always-entertaining aliases.

My fave is ,"Rumpleforeskin." Yo' milage may vary.

VJ

"This a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This only a test.
Had this been an actual emergency, you'd be writhing on the ground
in unspeakable agony, bleeding from every orifice, as your flesh fell
fell off in ragged strips." *Geoff Miller*

[Articulate Mandible]

In article <6mrc76$66o$1...@shell3.ba.best.com>, ob...@best.com (Bob O`Brien) wrote:

> "and you know what the best part is?"
>
> "what's that?"
>
> "two generations from now, reading the history books..."
>
> "what?"
>
> "no one, and I mean _no_one_, will believe it."
>
> "oh ... right. <buuurrrp> Pass me that rump of small boy, willya?"

That last expression happens in the combination of "The Bad-Rapping of the
Marquis de Sade" with "The Baddest Cat in the World". Where'd you get your
version?

[Bob O`Brien]

Oh, just some hoary old fart who frequents a substantial fraction
of the same newsgroups I do.

[Alan Gore]

>In the case of the Orientals, I think it might be a bit of a
>survival instinct - if you shuffle along a jungle path, you're
>less likely to skewer yourself on punji stakes or come down hard
>on Toe Poppers[1], after all. Krauts have never really had to
>deal with that sort of thing.

Jungle paths? Punji sticks? In the real world of Asia, what the
sandals typically have to be built to take is the rough pavement near
Shimbashi Station. See my website for details.

ag...@primenet.com | "Giving money and power to the government
Alan Gore | is like giving whiskey and car keys
Software For PC's | to teenaged boys" - P. J. O'Rourke
http://www.primenet.com/~agore

[Christian R. Conrad]

On Wed, 24 Jun 1998 17:23:12 -0500, Chris Pando
<sirk...@do.not.reply.to.earthlink.net> wrote:

>...self-medicating with a mild herbal anti-depressant...

YM "smoking dope"? Well, you sure are doing
a good job of obeying the subject header...

Christian R. Conrad

--
My own opinions, yadda yadda...
======================================================================
I work at Hedengren, in Finland. Country codes
are two letters, e-mail addresses are lowercase.
======================================================================
Dumping bodies is like the real estate Carl Hiaasen,
business: location, location, location. _Stormy_Weather_

[Dale R Worley]

A true a.t lifestyle! Don't die on us, we'd have no one to admire!

Dale

Dale Worley wor...@world.std.com
--
Darwin appears to be going out of his way to make amends for his recent
spate of near-misses. An extract from a newspaper article, read over the
radio recently:
"I feel quite sorry for the burglar," said Rob Macgregor, one of the owners
of the company, "You can plan for every eventuality, but the last thing you
expect is anyone trying to attack an explosives factory with a blowtorch."
-- Robin Allen, "Darwin Calls Collect"

[Chris Pando]

Dale R Worley wrote:

>
> In article <6mqsv4$8...@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net> Chris Pando <Sirk-...@worldnet.att.net> writes:
> Killing babies makes for wonderful propaganda.
>

> Possibly. But when a new batch of male lions takes over a pride, they
> go about slaughtering all the cubs so that the female come into heat
> faster. I doubt that our ancestors were much nicer. (Don't I
> remember something in the Books of Judges about slaughtering all the
> males of a conquored city, sometimes including all the females that
> weren't virgin?) I doubt that we are much nicer, either.

Tribal memories are a difficult thing to erase[1]. One strategy
would be, upon conquering a city, to kill all the men and
then rape(impregnate) the women and sell them into slavery. This
disperses the tribe and reduces ethnic identity (in addition to
generating income and raising the troops' morale). If you don't
destroy the tribe (e.g. babylonians and jews,turks and balkans)
then two or three (or a 100) generations down the road it is payback
time.

Chris

[1] The european jews have little in common (genetically) with
their semitic ancestors of 2000 years ago, yet have preserved
the memories of their egyptian and babylonian enslavements,
as well as the diaspora that followed the destruction of the
temple.
---
"What if these spams are merely tendrils rolled forth
from some greater horror, some abhorrent beast of the
usenet worming forth its mighty appendages in a
horrible network of cyclopean madness. Dear lord man,
underneath us! In the very ground!!!"
- H. West <sua...@idt.net>

[E M Richards]

In article <WORLEY.98...@world.std.com>,

Dale R Worley <wor...@world.std.com> wrote:
>In article <6mqsv4$8...@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net> Chris Pando <Sirk-...@worldnet.att.net> writes:
> Killing babies makes for wonderful propaganda.
>Possibly. But when a new batch of male lions takes over a pride, they
>go about slaughtering all the cubs so that the female come into heat
>faster. I doubt that our ancestors were much nicer. (Don't I

It depends on who our ancestors are. Among our "cousins", the chimpanzees,
infanticide by competing alpha males is common. Gorillas have battles and
murder each other. Bonobos, on the other hand, do not. A lot of it has
to do with breeding strategy. Whereas in some primate circles, violence,
allows more breeding by certain individuals, the bonobos, by dint of
female cooperation, allows more breeding and survival in general.

Moral of the story: Pick your relatives wisely.

[Bill]

Dale R Worley wrote:

> They certainly remember around here (Boston, MA, USA), having some
> Armenian ghettos. Ten years or so ago, some bitchy Armenian-American
> offed the Turkish honorary consul.

I wonder if there is a body count anywhere of the number of Turkish
diplomats that they have killed since 1914. Or just how many they
have killed in the US would be interesting. I did hear some years back
that the country that was benefiting from their work was Russia.