Welcome to Hoboville
Chief Thracian
Bay Area, to the S.F. Chronicle and S.F. Examiner, to several "hetero"
local papers, then on to Internet newsgroups, and ta-da: my website.
And, and one other place: "The Street Sheet"...ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha!!!
---begin letter:
Dear Editor:
WELCOME TO HOBOVILLE
Jebediah and Zachary were hangin' out by the ol'
Penjulep pool hall one chill foggy Frisco mornin', when
Zack started a-thinkin:
"Jeb, them darkie folks acrost The Bay say Hoboville
warn't always the name fer this here Hobo town of
ours." Before he continued, Zak spat a wad of chawin'
tobaccee into a hefty, open, black-leather bound book
with a crimson ribbon for a bookmark that touched to
the very ground, and rubbed for a moment against some
hot, stinky wet dog feces. "They say this here parts
wunst were called 'The Catastrapho'...an' boy wuz it
ever! Sodomites all over the place, fornicating,
violating tourist's chiluns and sometimes even their
dawgs! Twere a cryin' shame it was, surely."
Jeb stopped leanin' on the side of the saloon, to stand
his full 6-foot-7-inch height. He yanked the long straw
of hay from his mouth. "You sware to that on the Holy
Bible, Zack?" He said, and pointed to the book in
Zachary's hand.
"Yes Sir, Jebediah," boasted Zack, "I do believe I just
marked the partikeelar secshun smack dab in the lower
right page." He paused, to heckle Jeb with silence.
"Read it Zack!" Jeb finally ordered. "You knows ah
cayn't read. Tell me whut thu Good Book sez!"
"Okay, Zack now simmer down y'all jest simmer down. Let
me clear my throat."
Zachary hocks up a nasty lookin' dark yellow gob of
phlegm, right at the dog pile...then reads:
Hoosier 5:20-22
"Any man who declares divine marriage to another man,
should immediately be put to death by command of our
Chief Thracian Overlord.
"A woman however, may freely declare marriage with
another woman...under condition they willfully join in
wedful bliss with an Umarried Son of an Overlord, or
with a Widowed Overlord Himself. First Choice is always
The Fathers'.
"But should one or other of The Wymmin rebel, they
should BOTH be tied in Nekked Shame to a post in the
center of town, where whomever is known to have cast
the first sin in The Moremen Clan, shall be offered the
Sacred Privilege of stoning to death, The Rebellious
Female and Her Favored Scapegoat."
Having read this passage, Zack lowers the tome in
silence...and Jebediah, too, remains quiet, chewing on
the straw. After long moments of hushes, Jeb remarks:
"Why bruthuh Zackideedoodah. Thank the Good Overlord
are GranPappies Cum here in the fust place, be it they
be homeless with not a sent between thum! They knew
they wuz on a misshun to deeklare rite-chuss shame on
them Soddymites, and drive them out; peesibble like, or
war like."
Zack nodded as he chawed: "Yep, brothuh Jebbideedoodah.
We done made for ourselves and our chilluns,
granchilluns, and evun great-great-granchilluns,
Jehovah's Land out of The Serpent's Soil".
After further moments in silence (a harmonica played in
the distance, some hillbilly tune), they decided it was
time for another High-neekins, and stepped back into
the dark cave that was the Penjulep Honkey-Tonk Pool
Hall and Dancing Saloon.
Sincerely,
Zeke Krahlin
Longterm Resident of Hoboville
---finis
---
Pennsylvania Dutch Gay Jesus says:
"Throw the hetero over the fence some hay."