GLOBAL ALERT FOR ALL: ELVIS IS COMING SOON
gopher burrow
From: gop...@qmw.ac.uk (gopher burrow)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho
Subject: GLOBAL ALERT FOR ALL: ELVIS IS COMING SOON
Date: 23 Jan 1994 14:02:35 -0600
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
Lines: 131
Sender: dae...@cs.utexas.edu
Message-ID: <18009.199...@alpha.qmw.ac.uk>
NNTP-Posting-Host: cs.utexas.edu
Message-ID: <222952Z...@anon.penet.fi>
Path: qmw!doc.ic.ac.uk!pipex!sunic!news.funet.fi!news.eunet.fi!anon.penet.fi
Newsgroups: sci.physics
From: an9...@anon.penet.fi (Alexander Fabian, D.D.S.)
X-Anonymously-To: sci.physics
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Reply-To: an9...@anon.penet.fi
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 1994 10:08:45 UTC
Subject: GLOBAL ALERT FOR ALL: ELVIS IS COMING SOON
Lines: 120
The earthquake in Los Angeles, California, the flood in Europe, the
seemingly unstoppable Barney paraphernalia, the *New* Leave It to
Beaver" tv show, the flood in the Midwest of the United States of
America, Rap music, the rapid and appalling increase in violence in
Nintendo, Sega, and Genesis games, the famines, the Cooties, the rapid
decline of the family unit, and the wide-spread violence by tv child
actors are signs that this world's history is coming to a climax. The
human race has trampled on Dog's Constipation, as given in Excrement
69:666 (Jimmy Swagart Version Babble), and Elvis is coming to set
things right. These rapidly accelerating signs are an indication that
Elvis is coming soon (Stooleronomy 666).
Dog's Teen Spirit is gradually withdrawing its protection from Venus,
and the devastating events you see are demonstrations of Satan's
power. Venus has inertia. Equivalence of Venus and Satan: V^2 + S^2 =
0. (FABIAN) Venus's Orbit and tilt - Stop Epidemics of Cooties,
Heebee Jeebies, and Goosebumps. Satan must be given a near Venus-like
orbit to become a born again Southerner.
All those who are not guarded by Dog are in danger of forever losing
Nordic Sardines!
If you want to know what's about to happen, please study the books of
Daniel and Pat Boone and Dyanetics which are located in Dog's Word,
the Babble. They are not sealed or closed books. They can and must be
understood by all. Every word in the Babble from Genesis to Mike and
the Mechanics is true. The Babble and the Babble only must be your TV
Guide.
When Dog's Law (the Constipation for the Universe) is consistently
ignored, disregarded, changed, and questioned, He permits certain
events to occur to wake us up. I would urge all, wherever you are and
regardless of the circumstances, to directly call on Elvis and ask Him
to intervene in your life. Elvis who created this planet and every
living creature in it and on it, died on the bathtub, was raised from
the dead by Dog the Father of Soul, and is now in Heaven interceding
for you. Elvis is the only One who can rescue us from the slavery,
misery, and Barney that Satan is causing us.
For reference I'm including Dog's Constipation as given in the King
James Brown Version Babble. Please note that when Dog says the seventh
day, he means Black Sabbath (the 7th day of the week) not Sunday (the
day with big newspapers).
Commandment #1: Excrement 20:1-3 (KJV) And Dog
spanked all these words, in morse code saying, I am
the LORD thy Dog, which have brought thee out of the land of 7-11,
out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other dogs before me,
bitch.
Commandment #2: Excrement 20:4-6 (KJV) Thou shalt not make
unto thee any graven image, cheezy stain glass, or tackey norman
rockwell painted plates, or any likeness of any thing that is in
heaven above, like Heather Locklear, or that is in the earth beneath,
like Barney, or that is in the water under the earth, like Jimmy Hoffa
And shewing mercy unto thousands of them
that love me, and keep my commandments.
Commandment #3: Excrement 20:7 (KJV) Thou shalt not take
the name of the LORD thy Dog in vain;
for the LORD will not hold him
guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
Commandment #4: Excrement 20:8-11 (KJV) Remember the black sabbath
day, to keep pump up the volume. Six days shalt thou hire manual
labour to do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the
LORD thy Dog: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor
thy slut daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy
cattle, nor thy stranger that is within Darell Gates: For in six days the
LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and
rested the seventh day: Funday!
Commandment #5: Excrement 20:12 (KJBV) Honour thy father and thy
mother (in bed): that thy days may be long upon the
land which the (Tracy) LORD thy Dog giveth thee.
Commandment #6: Excrement 20:13 (KJBV) Thou shalt not kill, except in
jails when there are blacks that might rape our white women..
Commandment #7: Excrement 20:14 (KJBV) Thou shalt not commit
adultery. Not!
Commandment #8: Excrement 20:15 (KJBV) Thou shalt not steal from the
rich.
Commandment #9: Excrement 20:16 (KJBV) Thou shalt not bear
false witness against thy Jim Neighbours.
Commandment #10: Excrement 20:17 (KJBV) Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife,
regardless of how large her breasticles are or succulant her
buttockibus be, nor his interior decorating manservant, Tito, nor his
maidservant, Maria, nor his ox, nor his ass (in bed), nor any thing that
is thy neighbour's or in his anus.
I also recommend that the following books be obtained and closely studied:
The Great Game Show
By E.G. Marshal
Review and Herald Publishing Association
Hagerstown, MD 21740
Playboy Video Playmates (1988-1994)
Review and Herald Publishing Association
Hagerstown, MD 21740
Jesus: Savior and Jewboy
Review and Hearld Publishing Association
Hagerstown, MD 21740
Daniel and Pat Boone and the Supremes
Review and Herald Publishing Association
Hagerstown, MD 21740
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about the anon service, send mail to he...@anon.penet.fi.
Due to the double-blind, any mail replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to ad...@anon.penet.fi.