Tasteless foods
Mark Anderson
I was kept awake the other night by a deliciously uncomfortable itching
sensation in my rectum. And thus this post was born....
I know there are the 'standard' tasteless foods - prawn vindaloo (light
touchpaper and stand well back) - Guinness (lovely smooth black Grogans) -
Cider (really pungent-smelling Grogans. I have actually retched while
dropping one) - etc etc
What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
source of amusement for the ATer.
As a starter (no pun intended), I would like to nominate:
POPCORN
Anny food with the cooking instructions "Heat until detonation" has to be
cool. But what's even better is that once your digestive system has finished
with the white fluffy parts, all that's left are the corn husks. These stay
intact all the way through, scratching and scraping away. This leads to some
window-rattling farts and the aforementioned 'itchy rectum syndrome'. This
sensation brings back all those childhood memories of threadworm. If you
really do things right, you can make your arse bleed.
Anyone else have any ideas for foods with AT potential? We might even be
able to organise a dinner party.
Cheers
Mark
--
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aaron philip bentley
>Anyone else have any ideas for foods with AT potential? We might even
be able to organise a dinner party.
Eat a ton of oreos. Jet black shit will soon follow, maybe some corn
with the oreos, the grogans may resemble large smelly bumblebees. I
once popped an oreo grogan, mixed with a non oreo grogan.
Two tone shit......lovely. I'm also told that Pepto-Bismol will make
black grogans, but I've never tried it. That shit makes me retch. Retch
pink in fact.
SLUGGO!!!!!!!
"Who poured this radioactive debris on me?"
slu...@netcom.ca
A. Sears
Lots42 wrote:
>
> Tasteless foods??
>
> Why, Corn Bran!
>
> This shit locks up your bowels good and tight. Chomp down a couple of bowls of
> this, and in about a day, your moaning and yelping on the toilet while a
> bowling ball tries to force it's way through your rectum.
Just goes to show how much digestive systems vary. For me it isn't
corn-based cereal products (though I haven't tried Corn Bran
specifically) but oat-based ones. In fact, *anything* containing oats
-- muffins, cookies, Lucky Charms, oatmeal, whatever -- has the
bowling-ball-grogan effect on me, plus as an added bonus gives me
copious amounts of gas for at least a day, sometimes longer.
It isn't particularly smelly - depending on what else I've eaten. But
the sheer volume never fails to amaze me, and these aren't the kind that
you can just ease out quietly in an elevator and then sneak out leaving
everyone else silently wondering which of them did it two floors later
as they stare straight ahead, pretending not to smell it -- no, no, they
will *only* come out with a particularly violent tremor, making stealth
impossible.
Not only that, but they appear *quite* suddenly, with only a couple
seconds' warning before they're pushing their way out the back door with
a force rivaled only by the crowd at that Who concert in Cincinnati in
'79. If I'm at work, in a meeting or some other place where letting fly
with a conference-table-shaker would be counterproductive, it becomes a
pretty distracting thing trying to hold them back when they appear,
having them go away, then having them come back a few minutes later ...
with reinforcements. Holding them back becomes extremely painful after
a half hour or so. And when the meeting's finally over and I can step
outside to the smoking/farting area to release the pressure on my
plumbing, they never seem to come out in an orderly fashion then; they'd
rather wait for a more inopportune moment to torment me again. And when
I've been letting out humongous farts all day long, thinking there can't
possibly be any more gas left inside me, one comes along that's even
bigger than any of the ones preceding it. It's truly prodigious.
I finally had to swear off oats altogether. I now read the labels of
all cereal and grain products to verify that they're oat-free, and
forego the oatmeal raisin cookies in favor of peanut butter.
Dave/Kristin Hall
Mark Anderson (spamm...@easynet.co.uk) wrote:
: What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
: have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
: source of amusement for the ATer.
:
: As a starter (no pun intended), I would like to nominate:
:
: POPCORN
:
: Anny food with the cooking instructions "Heat until detonation" has to be
Just a nitpick, but there is no detonation involved (I hate it when people
throw that word around so loosely).
But I'll throw in another food:
Cheese
Eaten in large quantities will give you *monstrous* grogans as hard as
rocks. Pass one of those puppies and you're sure to rip your starfish.
-Dave
--
David Hall | Kristin Hall
Propulsion Performance Office | The ultimate job:
Naval Air Warfare Ctr, Weapons Div | Brand New Mom
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Look, you two post funny posts, but, Jesus Christ, have some
self respect. This had to be one of the sickest posts I've
read on alt.tasteless!" -Damon Chetson
Colin Dooley
Alraune wrote:
> I had an interesting series of grunters the other morning. I had had
> Cuban food the night before:
Ah but, food takes about 48 hours to pass through the system, so you
were passing what you had the night before that (2 days ago).
> Oddly enough, all of
> the pieces sank to the bottom, despite enough fat in my last meal to
> grease a sliding board. That shoots the floaters/sinkers theory to
> hell.
>
See above.
> My next session started out to be more of the same, only once the tail
> end of the first turd came out, it was followed by a flood of
> crappucino that was being held in by the shitplug. I weighed myself
> before and after and I was four pounds lighter.
>
Now this was probably the Cuban food...
--
<\___/> |
/ O O \ | A LISP programmer knows the value of
\_____/ FTB. | everything but the cost of nothing.
Notorious P.I.G.
In article <19971204063...@ladder02.news.aol.com> lot...@aol.com (Lots42) writes:
>Tasteless foods??
>Why, Corn Bran!
>This shit locks up your bowels good and tight. Chomp down a couple of bowls of
>this, and in about a day, your moaning and yelping on the toilet while a
>bowling ball tries to force it's way through your rectum.
Every once in a while, I get to feeling guilty about my diet of meat
and booze, so I drags the ol' lady down to the local salad bar, and
scarf all the nutrients that I should have been consuming in the past
month. I know that, physically, it doesn't work that way, but it purifies
my spirit.
You got a chimney? Well, if you do, you (hopefully) scrape the innards
of that sucker once a year, to eliminate the poisons clinging to the
shaft. I get the same effect from my salad bar excursions, and get the
squirts within an hour or so of partaking.
While not as immediate, Shredded Wheat is an excellent ColonBlow (TM).
>I did already post about the LiquiShit producing Silver Diner Rueben a few
>weeks back.
There's always Taco Bell. Cheaply made, piss poor ingredients, all the
makings of gastro-disaster. Nevertheless, people consume millions of their
goddamned burritos evry day, tickling the shit out of the guys who supply
the water to your domicile.
>And strangely, white powdered donuts give me stomach cramps.
Over the holiday just passed, I made a creation called 'Lead Pie.' It's
like a fuckin' chocolate bar on a pie crust, made of whole eggs, two
sticks of butter, 20 ounces of chocolate and untold amounts of sugar,
though my estimate is around 2 1/2 cups. It's the kind of thing you
ought to take to a party, because if that thing is the first item you
see whan you're brewing your morning caffeine dose, you find it all too
easy to just say, "Mebbe just a little sliver."
Causes cramps, and I suspect that your cramps are caused by sugar overdose.
VJ
Ronaski
>I know there are the 'standard' tasteless foods -
> Guinness (lovely smooth black Grogans) -
Yes sir.....nail on the head.
>What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
>have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
>source of amusement for the ATer.
<<snip>>
>
>Anyone else have any ideas for foods with AT potential? We might even be
>able to organise a dinner party.
>
The most amazing cocktail to induce deep dark lovlies would have to be a
Guinness/Pepto Bismal (extra strength)/Cabernet Savignon served up in a medium
sized tumbler. You really have to love a product that warns you that your doo
doo will come out dark enough to scare you....
I suggest the drink be called the Compton Cocktail.
I once took a shit from this concoction that was so black, that before I could
flush it, it had already stolen my television and programmed my VCR to only
record Moesha, Hangin with Mr Cooper, and Martin.
(end gratuitous racial comedy.....)
>Cheers
>
>Mark
Double cheers and an extra roll of tp to you!
ronaski
Suburban robot that monitors reality
Alraune
In <348655...@ten.tenew> "A. Sears" <sra...@ten.tenew> writes:
>
>Just goes to show how much digestive systems vary. For me it isn't
>corn-based cereal products (though I haven't tried Corn Bran
>specifically) but oat-based ones. In fact, *anything* containing oats
>-- muffins, cookies, Lucky Charms, oatmeal, whatever -- has the
>bowling-ball-grogan effect on me, plus as an added bonus gives me
>copious amounts of gas for at least a day, sometimes longer.
>
chickpeas, black beans, pinto beans, fried yucca and fried chicken. The
next morning, I was on the throne for fifteen minutes, straining to
pass this boulder that was stuck half out of my ass. Gravity finally
took care of most of it and I sucked the rest of it back in. If I ever
get sent to prison I'll be very popular, I'm sure. Oddly enough, all of
the pieces sank to the bottom, despite enough fat in my last meal to
grease a sliding board. That shoots the floaters/sinkers theory to
hell.
My next session started out to be more of the same, only once the tail
end of the first turd came out, it was followed by a flood of
crappucino that was being held in by the shitplug. I weighed myself
before and after and I was four pounds lighter.
Alraune
Lots42
Tasteless foods??
Why, Corn Bran!
This shit locks up your bowels good and tight. Chomp down a couple of bowls of
this, and in about a day, your moaning and yelping on the toilet while a
bowling ball tries to force it's way through your rectum.
I did already post about the LiquiShit producing Silver Diner Rueben a few
weeks back.
And strangely, white powdered donuts give me stomach cramps.
______________________________________________________________
Lot...@aol.com|"Put the cat out, Mom. It's a thermonuclear bomb."
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you
could miss it." - Ferris Bueller
vat...@snugcove.com
IN>Ah but, food takes about 48 hours to pass through the system, so you
IN>were passing what you had the night before that (2 days ago).
That isn't entirely true. I know that in my case it takes between 18-24
hours for food to pass through. In some cases MUCH faster... along the
lines of 10 hours. It's very easy to time yourself. Just eat corn and
look at your shit everytime you take a dump until you see the corn
again.
Another way is to eat some jalepeno peppers. You'll feel those every
inch of the way after about 6 hours.
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aaron philip bentley (slu...@netcom.ca) wrote:
: >Anyone else have any ideas for foods with AT potential? We might even
: be able to organise a dinner party.
: I'm also told that Pepto-Bismol will make
: black grogans, but I've never tried it. That shit makes me retch. Retch
: pink in fact.
Yup. Black, or blackish-green. Whenever I'm feeling sorta pukey, PB is
the way to go. But the liquid stuff is disgusting. The chewable tablets,
while more expensive, are *much* more palatable. They turn your tongue
black, too, unless (and sometimes even if) you brush your tongue well when
you brush your teeth.
If it's just liquishits, the chewable Kaopectate tablets work
well--unfortunately, their a.t. potential is nil, since your liquishits
stop real quick, and there are no interesting colours. (Actually, I guess
that means their a.t. potential is negative. Time for a standardisation
committee on measuring a.t. potential? What would the SI unit be?)
Robert
--
Robert Slaven http://www.freenet.edmonton.ab.ca/~robnorth ra...@gov.nt.ca
"Mutated...babies?" "I love it! Yes!" (The Newsroom) 62N, 114 W
Man is that he might have joy--not guilt trips. (Elder Russell M. Nelson)
A flip dark chill winter bastard though dry. (Burgess, A Clockwork Orange)
Imbassle
>
>What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
>have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
>source of amusement for the ATer.
>
I just have two words to say on this subject - baked garlic. The SR
and I spent the weekend in a state park cabin and had baked garlic
with dinner. The next morning, I awoke from a deep drunken stupor
with my guts writhing in pain from being bloated with gas. I thought
I had the shits and went to the john. It was occupied. When I
finally got my chance on the throne, I heaved forth the most putrid
fartspray (a lightdays version of liqishit) I have ever known. I went
back to bed and re-passed out.
CatS...@worldnet.atthatesspam.net
> Mark Anderson (spamm...@easynet.co.uk) wrote:
>
> : What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
> : have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
> : source of amusement for the ATer.
> : As a starter (no pun intended), I would like to nominate:
> :
> : POPCORN
I agree wholeheartedly. I am an incurable popcorn lover. I eat 2
micro bags in one sitting sometimes. Now, if that's not bad enough I
sometimes throw crunchy tortilla chips and *hot* salsa to the mixture.
The result is agonizingly sharp grogans that function as a starfish
shredder with a fiery bite to activate the fresh wounds. I call it
"The Hellraiser"(Tm) after that dude with nails studding his face. Not
for the faint hearted. What's most amazing about popcorn is after it's
deposited in the porcelain safety deposit box, you can see all the
sharp little burrs that were the former "skin" of the kernel. I can't
think of a lumpier, spikier shit produced than with popcorn. A true
A.T. PorcupineShit(Tm).
----------------------------------------------------------
This post was sponsored by Orville Redenbacher and Crisco.
Bill
CatS...@worldnet.attHatesSpam.net wrote:
>
> > Mark Anderson (spamm...@easynet.co.uk) wrote:
> >
> > : What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
> > : have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
> > : source of amusement for the ATer.
> > :
> > : As a starter (no pun intended), I would like to nominate:
I lived in Puerto Rico a long time ago and the most of the beer
was green or unlagered. We called it starfish delight. It burned
like hell the next morning when you had the liquishits but it left
no lasting impression.
Anti-Spam Address in Use. Remove the Anti-Spam
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Quentin Bults
A good leaky ceasar salad and a bib mug of milk (i am allergic to milk).
Produces a BBM of the green pea
soup variety. Although it tends to be rather watery it does have the small
chunks of kapers. and what it lacks
in thickness it more than makes up for in texture and aroma.
Guido='
"Men are from Mars, Women are from venus.... and Fags are from URANUS!"
Stuart Park
aaron philip bentley (slu...@netcom.ca) wrote:
> >Anyone else have any ideas for foods with AT potential? We might even
> be able to organise a dinner party.
> Eat a ton of oreos. Jet black shit will soon follow, maybe some corn
> with the oreos, the grogans may resemble large smelly bumblebees. I
> once popped an oreo grogan, mixed with a non oreo grogan.
> Two tone shit......lovely. I'm also told that Pepto-Bismol will make
> black grogans, but I've never tried it. That shit makes me retch. Retch
> pink in fact.
I always enjoy eating huge amounts of beetroot, and watching the
colour of shit that results.
Also, eating food heavily soaked in garlic and chilli does wonders
in bringing out strong aromas (from both ends).
--
"If only he used his talent for niceness, instead of evil"
- Get Smart
Stuart Park
E-Mail: stuart @ banana.psd.com.au Melbourne, Australia
Jim Park
Hey don't forget about Metamucil. Recently I had
been having problems with skid marks in the shorts.
I would shit, wipe well, i.e. the paper is clean. Later in the
day I would begin farting and sometimes get a bit of a starfish
itch. I head to the crapper and re-wipe and usually end up with
more residue on the paper. I usually have some light skid marks
on the shorts as well. I decided to try Metamucil as it is a good
source of fiber. It took a day or so for the stuff to start working.
But when it did boy were my shits satisfying. Best of all almost no
paperwork is needed even for the biggest load.
The recommended dosage is 1 tablespoon per 8 oz glass of water,
3 times a day. They strongly advise at least 8 oz of water as the
stuff expands in your stomach. If you try this get the smooth
texture stuff. The regular Metamucil is like drinking sand
suspended in water. I like the orange flavor. My asshole
has never felt better.
-Jim
*************************************************************
..............I ain't right, Uniquely twisted but not right
Yep, That about sums it up.
***************************FHUTAIDT***************************
http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/usr/jp45/homepage.html
On Thu, 4 Dec 1997, Notorious P.I.G. wrote:
> In article <19971204063...@ladder02.news.aol.com> lot...@aol.com (Lots42) writes:
> >Tasteless foods??
> >Why, Corn Bran!
> >This shit locks up your bowels good and tight. Chomp down a couple of bowls of
> >this, and in about a day, your moaning and yelping on the toilet while a
> >bowling ball tries to force it's way through your rectum.
>
> Every once in a while, I get to feeling guilty about my diet of meat
> and booze, so I drags the ol' lady down to the local salad bar, and
> scarf all the nutrients that I should have been consuming in the past
> month. I know that, physically, it doesn't work that way, but it purifies
> my spirit.
<snipped, yea you know why>
kevin
A ton of NyQuil will result in grogans that are damn near flourescent
green. Truly neat. Add in a Netherlands toilet where you can inspect
said offering to the Gods of the Butt, and you have a real festival.
The Carrot
In article <34903C...@gigantor.demon.nl>, ke...@gigantor.demon.nl
mindlessly blathers...
>
>A ton of NyQuil will result in grogans that are damn near flourescent
>green. Truly neat. Add in a Netherlands toilet where you can inspect
>said offering to the Gods of the Butt, and you have a real festival.
The SR destroyed^H^H^Hcooked a potroast last weekend and with it she
prepared whole beets. A little undercooked and crunchy (in stark
contrast to that poor potroast) but not bad. Two days later I got
up, drank my coffee, listened to the radio, and had my morning
Marlboro. Soon enough I felt that familiar tap-tap-tapping on my
starfish door. I made my way to the bathroom, sat, and fired off
the morning giganto-grogan. When I inspected my work I was delighted
to see that my beet consumption resulted in purple turds which
also discolored the water! If only I'd had film in my camera...
- The Carrot
Hiram B. Granbury
The Carrot wrote:
>
> the morning giganto-grogan. When I inspected my work I was delighted
> to see that my beet consumption resulted in purple turds which
> also discolored the water! If only I'd had film in my camera...
I've noted that an inordinate amount of Jalapeno pepper ingestion will color the water a
nice mint green. Has there been any research on red? (No, not blood) Looking for a
candy cane effect.
--
Hear the steaming hot black screaming Iridescent naugahyde python gleaming steam roller
Ace Lightning
kevin wrote:
> A ton of NyQuil will result in grogans that are damn near flourescent
> green. Truly neat. Add in a Netherlands toilet where you can inspect
> said offering to the Gods of the Butt, and you have a real festival.
that amount of NyQuil will also make you nearly comatose, or at least
so stoned you won't care what color your shit is, or whether you
have a cold, or much of anything else...
Rick Cross
In article <664egn$ldb$1...@apple.news.easynet.net>, "Mark Anderson"
<spamm...@easynet.co.uk> wrote:
> What I'm interested in are the foods which aren't generally considered to
> have AT potential but when eaten in sufficient quantities, can be an endless
> source of amusement for the ATer.
The winner and still champeen: Jack in the Box Stuffed Jalapenos
In case no ATers have experienced the phenomenon of these bowel grenades,
they are wonderfully, marvelously, evilly, and deceptively delicious:
Jalepeno peppers, stuffed with a vegetable-fiber-textured cheese sauce,
battered and deep fried. Ranch dressing is thoughtfully provided for
dipping. You get about 8 or 9 in a serving.
However, this combination of individually digestible ingredients works
together in pernicious harmony to create the most hellish excretory
experience known to humankind. The cheese sauce spreads out in the bowel
to create an extended, trickling stream of soft-serve grogan. I am
assuming that the batter ingredients, combined with sulfur in the peppers,
is what aspirates this semi-solid intestinal medium. The ranch dressing
provides an olfactory aspect to these post-digestive vapors, identifying
in no uncertain terms exactly which foodstuff is responsible for what is
about to happen next. For you see, the payload of this digestive delivery
system is the jalapeno, or more specifically, the capsaicin contained
therein. This the burning, itching irritant that we are all more familiar
with as the active ingredient in pepper spray.
Six to eight hours after consumption of these mexican marvels, the
climactic experience is foreshadwoed by about half an hour of noisy
intestinal complaints. Soon after, your colon commences to mimic a
burbling, partially-clogged frozen yogurt machine running on empty.
However, you will soon be left wishing it was frozen yogurt, because the
substance thus excreted tortures the sphincter upon exit, creating a
burning sensation causing one to imagine the flow bursting into flame upon
contact with air. Even the mere act of closing the valve and pinching the
spincter shut is a lesson in agony. I call these "the napalm runs."
The first assault upon your asshole lasts for approximately twenty
minutes, after which your starfish is left beached and gasping for air.
But this is just the first intermission. Many first-time victims are
fooled into premature relief, thinking the experience has ended, and
attempt to return to regularly-scheduled programming. But Jack is not
done with you yet. Several more acts, plus encores, can be expected from
the Black Jack's Butt Burners before your colon has blown itself clean.
You are well-advised to bring along a favorite novel or newspaper, for the
porcelain palace will be your only haven for about 90 minutes.
If you decide to try Jack's Poppers, make sure your roller is stocked with
plenty of TP, and a supply of Tucks will provide some much-appreciated
fire-fighting relief. To their credit, Jack's Poppers are quite effective
at releiving cases of acute constipation, in addition to being quite tasty
going down.
Hmm, after composing this post, I am suspecting that it must have been an
ATer who invented this insidious foodstuff...
---------------------
"This is no social crisis, this is you having fun" -- The Who
Rick Cross ---><--- Pasadena, CA
bughunter@earthlink_nospam.net
Kevin
Well, yeah, I suppose. But, try the flu for a few days, only sucking
the triangular bottle. Trust me, I was nearly comatose from the flu,
and my turds were a lovely shade. No stink, though. Quite amazing.