What the fuck is alt.fan.warlord?

[The War Lord of the West Preservation Fan Club [Not associated with the 70s Preservation Society or the World Wrestling Federation]]

Hello, and welcome to alt.fan.warlord.

Alt.fan.warlord was named in honor of Death Star, War Lord of the West.
The War Lord is the Necromancer of the Network. He is the Sultan of
Cyberspace. He is the Master of Megabytes. The Bastard of Bandwidth.

The War Lord's power lies in his ability to create incredibly huge, inane
signature files at a moment's notice. Rumor has it that once, during the
original creation of alt.fan.warlord as a local U.C. Berkeley newsgroup,
the War Lord used such signatures to overload the relays at TRW with
their sheer bandwidth, thus evading those who would hunt him down.

Evil minions of the War Lord abound on the Net. You can spot their signature
files in newsgroups everywhere. Lots of K00L <gack> ASCII graphics? Lines
and lines of meaningless quotations? Multiple occurences of identical
signatures in the same posting? These are attempts by the War Lord's followers
to become more like Him, that they may eventually join him after the great
Net War in a Valhalla-like paradise (rumored to be a 300-baud BBS on a
Commodore 128 somewhere in Canoga Park, CA.)

By using alt.fan.warlord, we can inform the public of the beauty, grace, and
power hidden in these treasure-troves of data strewn about the net.

The first posting to alt.fan.warlord consisted of the War Lord's .sig:

_____________________________________________________________________________
| |
| | \ | / | |
| |\ \|/ /| |
| |XXXXX||>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ((*)) <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<||XXXXX| |
| |/ /|\ \| |
| | / | \ | |
| |
| Death Star |
| War Lord of the West Dkl...@doc.bmd.trw.com |
|___________________________________________________________________________|

There are those who would challenge Death Star's position of sig superiority.
One such conquistador is Lord Dethedrus. His signature was the second to
be posted to alt.fan.warlord; some have accused him of plagiarism:

+-----------------------------------------++--------------------------------+
| /> || sz...@aludra.usc.edu |
| // Lord Dethedrus ++================================+
| ]\\\\\\\(O):::<=====================- || Disclaimer: |
| \\ Knight Defender || Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker |
| \> of Solaria || are a living argument for |
+-----------------------------------------+| birth control. |
+--------------------------------+

Note the subtle element of comedy present in this .sig; using this, Lord
Dethedrus hoped to persuade some of Death Star's minions to follow him, a
more charismatic leader.

This didn't work, though; in the tradition of such greats as Michael Jackson,
the Lordie has recently come up with a new, more polished look:
_____ _____
( ___ )-----------------------------------------------------------------( ___ )
| | || sz...@aludra.usc.edu | |
| | /> |+===========================| |
| | /< Lord Dethedrus || _ | |
| | [\\\\\\(O):::<=====================- || || /__ / || || // | |
| | \< Knight Defender || ||/\ | || ||</ | |
| | \> || || > \__/ || || \ | |
|___| || / > |___|
(_____)-----------------------------------------------------------------(_____)

We could have changed the name of the newsgroup, but

alt.fan.knight-defenders-of-solaria.lord-dethedrus

doesn't quite have that special ring to it. New contenders are also visible
on the horizon. Certain skilled stylists, such as Jym Dyer, have integrated
the fine art of ASCII graphics into the very text of their messages.

If, after all this verbiage, you still don't understand what this group is
about, take the advice of a local Berkeleyite:

> "It's a warlord thing. You wouldn't understand."

--
Someday you will get your big chance - or have you already had it?