France surrenders again
Carl Banks
France surrenders to Iranian nationals who have been setting
themselves on fire
PARIS, Fr. (AP) - This afternoon, France formally surrendered to a
group of Iranian nationals who have been setting themselves on fire
since last week. The Iranian nationals began the campaign of
self-immolation in protest of the French government's crackdown on
fringe groups living within the country. At least a dozen Iranian
nationals have set themselves on fire so far, and the French
government is concerned that hundreds more are waiting to immolate
themselves.
French President Jacques Chirac told the French people in a nationally
televised news conference that surrender was the practical solution.
"We French are a proud people," he said. "However, in uncertain times
such as these, sometimes the best decision is a decision of prudence.
Already crippled by dozen Iranian self-immolation attacks, and faced
with the possibility of hundreds more, we decided that the prudent
action is to surrender."
President Chirac's concern was felt strongly in Paris. Very few
citizens braved the streets, preferring the relative safety of their
homes. Many shops and sidewalk cafes were closed, and roads were
clear.
Eteive Jare, a Parisan police officer, was one of the few Parisians on
the streets. "I'm scared out of my mind to be out here, with all
those Iranian terrorists burning themselves," he said. "But my job
requires me to be here. Oh God, I'm so scared. Sometimes I wonder if
it's worth it, but I have to put food on the table for my family. I
only hope that Americans will take pity on us and save us again from
this unspeakable terror."
Another Parisian walking the streets was Alessandre de Munde, who owns
a cafe near the Eiffel Tower. It was business as usual for him, but
he was very angry at President Chirac. "We don't have to sit down and
let these menacing, self-immolating Iranians steamroll over the whole
country. Sure, I'm just as scared of the Iranian nationals as the the
next guy, but I'd rather die for a free France than be subject to a
bunch of very mean Iranians who will frighten us to death. Vive le
France!"
While Parisians mostly stayed home this afternoon, there seemed to be
no dropoff in the number of tourists and Provencals (people who live
in the provinces outside Paris) on the streets. Most Provencals
seemed very much unaware of and unconcerned with the French surrender
to the Iranian nationals.
"We've been through this before," said Jacques Aves, a supplier of the
pharmeceutical drug buspirone from Nice, who was visiting Paris on
business. "It seems like the French government surrenders pretty much
every day. We don't concern ourselves with it too much out in the
provinces. However, many of us do find the frequent surrenders good
for business."
Likewise, the tourists were unconcerned about France's surrender.
However, many tourists were rather annoyed that Paris shops and cafes
were closed. American tourist Katie Wilson was one of them. "I don't
like the fact that all these cafes are closed. I came to Paris for
the unique culture, but it looks like Parisian culture is to lock
yourself in your house when someone lights a match."
Asked if the Iranian self-immolators frightened her, Wilson said, "Are
you kidding? I'm not from Paris. If some Iranian dude wants to light
himself on fire, its his business."
De Munde appreciated the tourists' attitude. "I'm glad my cafe caters
mostly to tourists, or I'd have not business today. Although I'm
concerned about the safety of my customers, I can't afford to close
shop."
Terms of the French surrender were not immediately known. However, it
is known that the government of France will remain intact as a puppet
regime. (The French government currently also serves as a puppet to
several other countries and organizations it surrendered to, including
Luxembourg, Basque separatists, Simon Cowell, French Guyana, the rock
group KISS, Switzerland, Apple Computers, the Loch Ness Monster, and
Poland.) Iranian nationals will have complete autonomy, and will be
paid a "significant trubute," according to Darsi Mohammed Goula, an
Iranian national present at the surrender ceremony.
Iranians living in France were overjoyed with thier victory.
"Finally," said Hakeem lani-Shebobbin, a spokesman for Iranian fringe
groups in France, "Iranians will be free to set themselves on fire.
This is a great day for all Iranians living in France; now we can show
the evil Westerners the power of Islam and Iran by systematically
killing ourselves."
--
CARL BANKS "If Bubbles isn't a Penn State fan,
http://www.aerojockey.com why does she wear blue and white?"
Terri Hayes
Carl Banks <imb...@aerojockey.com> wrote in message
news:tuLIa.1083$Kg7...@nwrdny01.gnilink.net...
Dear President Jacques Chirac:
You are a fuck-wit.
Que sera, sera.
Terri
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
det282
news:tuLIa.1083$Kg7...@nwrdny01.gnilink.net...
>
Why wasn't this cross-posted? ($1)
Greg Reeves
"There's nothing wrong with shooting,
just as long as the right people get shot."
-- Inspector Harry Callahan San Francisco PD
Lazlo Hollyfeld
"det282" <det...@attbi.com> wrote in message
news:JkOIa.47381$vq.10232@sccrnsc04...
This ragging on France stuff is getting really tired.
Charles Beauchamp
"Lazlo Hollyfeld" <lholl...@pauling.caltech.edu> wrote in message
news:0d7e7c6af2801253...@free.teranews.com...
You is a commie
v/r Beau
Mad Pikachu beyond Guggledome
Two Notes on this post I'd like to make:
1: Their not really called French these days. They're really
CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER-MONKEYS!!! (I'd like to claim this as
schtick.)
2: CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and the Associated Press are calling the
RUTSie for Best Fake News Story for "France Surrenders Again" by Carl
Banks
(Googled for your pleasure.)
Tom O'Brien
> Two Notes on this post I'd like to make:
>
> 1: Their not really called French these days. They're really
> CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER-MONKEYS!!! (I'd like to claim this as
> schtick.)
TO
Jack O'Hearts
Victor)!!! You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp!!!:
>pink...@webtv.net (Mad Pikachu beyond Guggledome) wrote:
>
>>1: Their not really called French these days. They're really
>>CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER-MONKEYS!!! (I'd like to claim this as
>>schtick.)
Dood, by definition one must set foot on the battlefield in order to
surrender.
John M. Rogers
AU Class of 1985
The Al Del Greco of Atlanta
RSFCs Jack O'Hearts
RSFC Secretary of Family and Child Development
"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself
to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very
freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it.
I would rather you just said "thank you", and went on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand at post.
Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!"
(Colonel Nathan Jessup, USMC)
Daniel Seriff
(in message <3ef906a5...@newsgroups.bellsouth.net>):
> You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp, lo...@victor.com (Lone
> Victor)!!! You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp!!!:
>
>> pink...@webtv.net (Mad Pikachu beyond Guggledome) wrote:
>>
>>> 1: Their not really called French these days. They're really
>>> CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER-MONKEYS!!! (I'd like to claim this as
>>> schtick.)
>
> Dood, by definition one must set foot on the battlefield in order to
> surrender.
Nope.
Main Entry: 1sur斟en搞er
Pronunciation: s&-'ren-d&r
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -dered; sur斟en搞er搏ng /-d(&-)ri[ng]/
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French surrendre, from sur- + rendre
to give back, yield -- more at RENDER
Date: 15th century
transitive senses
1 a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon
compulsion or demand <surrendered the fort> b : to give up completely or
agree to forgo especially in favor of another
2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner
b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
intransitive senses : to give oneself up into the power of another : YIELD
It figures that the word is of French origin, tho.
--
Daniel Seriff
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
santolina
against the forces of international terrorism today, shutting down its
embassy in Nairobi, Kenya.
"This is a great day for freedom," said President Bush at a $100,000,000 per
plate fundraiser in Washington, "brave Americans have once again stood up to
the forces of international terrorism by completely vacating the country of
Kenya."
"I am so proud to be an American today," added Secretary of State Colin
Powell, "that mere weeks after locking our citizens into fortified compounds
in Saudi Arabia, then leaving when we couldn't protect even those
facilities, we have vacated our embassy in Kenya, thus thwarting the evil
intentions of international terrorism."
This latest triumph is just one in a long line for the United States, coming
on the heels on others:
Greatly enhanced security in airports and on airplanes, measures which have
driven many airlines to near bankruptcy and caused severe blows to the
American economy, but which have dealt a death blow to the terrorists' plans
to disrupt American daily life,
suspension of legal rights for "enemy combatants" and other detainees, which
has stymied the terrorists' goal of destroying the civil liberties to which
Americans have become so accustomed,
the war on Iraq, which was the death knell of the terrorists' desire to
compel Americans to attack soft targets utterly unrelated to terrorist
activities,
massive escalations of security in New York City, thus neutralizing the
terrorists' plans to disrupt the normal flow of life in America's largest
city.
"Terrorists need to know the consequences of their actions," said Mr. Bush,
"when we uncover their evil plots we will leave, or we will bomb Baghdad and
Kabul, or we will detain old men and children at Guantanamo Bay, or we will
monitor public library activities. They shall not prevail."
Mr. Bush waved to reporters as he was then flown to an undisclosed location,
owing to a "credible threat" of terrorism (vanquished by brave Americans,
needless to say), according to sources.
Jack O'Hearts
<my.crow's.to...@can.of.creamed.corn>!!! You can't triple-stamp a
double-stamp!!!:
Oui.