Call It a Tie
bob
Call It a Tie
BYLINE: By GAIL COLLINS
BODY:
Oh no, every vote does count.
Palm Beach County gets to pick the next president. Or maybe it's a handful
of sailors who have been at sea since the campaign began. We treasure the
idea that any one individual's ballot could decide an election. But watching
the interviews with some of the men and women on the street in Florida, you
can't help thinking, Oh lord, not that one.
The presidency is hinging on a bunch of very tiny and peculiar variables in
the Sunshine State -- I'm waiting for reports of voter fraud in the Magic
Kingdom. The tension is bringing out the worst in both campaigns. For a
minute there, the excitement over the election returns was so compelling we
lost track of how stupendously irritating these people can be.
The Democrats are claiming a moral victory, while George W. Bush is
selecting his transition team. (When trouble looms, drop Colin Powell's
name.) "It's only appropriate that the governor begin to focus on governing
the country," said his campaign chairman while Al Gore's staff seethed.
The candidates' aides used up their reserve supply of energy on the final
days of frenetic electioneering. Now they're staggering out before the
cameras, one by one, pasty-faced, tiny-eyed, croaking angrily. Karen Hughes,
the Bush campaign spokeswoman, defended her boss's status as president-elect
yesterday by pointing out that Mr. Bush got more votes than Bill Clinton
did, apparently overlooking the fact that Mr. Gore seems to have gotten more
votes than Mr. Bush did.
W. is frightening the Democrats, who think he's trying to hijack the
presidency while the recounts are still under way. After all those years of
hugging hurricane victims, he's looking warmth-deprived at the one moment
when the nation could use some of that bipartisan consensus-building he's
been bragging about for the last year.
Mr. Gore's minions, meanwhile, are demanding a do-over for the election in
Palm Beach County. The ballot there was indeed tricky, thanks to Theresa
LePore, a Democratic election official who redesigned it so it would be
easier for the elderly to read, and wound up confusing them into voting
twice. Poor Ms. LePore has been consigned by her party to the sixth circle
of hell, where she resides with Ralph Nader and Mr. Gore's makeup artist for
the first debate. The Republicans' sixth circle is currently occupied solely
by Pat Buchanan, who was running around yesterday supporting the Democrats'
claims that he had accidentally acquired some of Mr. Gore's votes. But if
Florida eventually winds up going to the vice president, Mr. Buchanan will
have to make room down there for Jeb Bush.
It's unfortunate, but people often have to overcome a certain number of
obstacles to vote in this country. Election officials screw up. (The crew in
Florida, which for some reason includes the agriculture commissioner, does
not inspire intense confidence.) Poll workers are deeply, deeply fallible
folks. Here in New York we're forever running into polling places that never
opened because nobody had the key to the door, or never got voting machines
because the delivery truck got lost. On Tuesday my own polling place had a
machine that failed to list the offices the candidates were running for.
This was not regarded as an exceptionally serious problem.
There is no such thing as a perfect voting experience, only perfectly good
intentions. Something always goes wrong, but unless there's evidence of
deliberate fraud, you do not want any judge undoing the results. A second
election in parts of Florida would drive the Republicans wild -- they were
paranoid even when there was nothing to be paranoid about. They, in turn,
would start suits of their own, and by next February we'd wind up having a
country run by Janet Reno.
Let's face it, no matter how the recounts turn out, this election was
basically a tie. Anybody who hopes to govern is going to have to start
looking very humble, very fast. Mr. Gore should drop the lawsuit. Mr. Bush
has to stop interviewing for cabinet members and start reaching out. If he
can't make nice with the Democrats now, good luck handling Congress.
We have time. Everybody should go on vacation until after Thanksgiving, and
let the election officials recount in peace.
LOAD-DATE: November 10, 2000