Coming to a theater near you...
Cliff Daniel
"Blazing Spindles" -- Gene Wilder plays Koneill (tm), better known as the
Waco Admin, the faster news server in the east. Even though he was a long
shot, he still strives to out perform any product on the market...
Despite Cyclone's fast nature, Koneill is victorious.
That's about all I can muster up today...For /<l!ff is about to make a few
enemies...
jeff sheldon
(This should be the whole thing, except the ones that were about me)
** Movie releases this fall. Check local listings for location and times ***
--
"My best friends Router"
An young guru played by Coneill has long been in love with a
Cisco 4700. Little did he know the 4700 had fell in love with a 7500.
Jealous, Coneill goes after a BAY ARN to try to win back his
love. Cisco and BGP give this movie two thumbs up, "A must see!"
--
"A Router Runs Thru It"
Coneill argues with lusers at NANOG over the need to do L3 routing
instead of L2 switching and also emphasizes the benefits of private
peering agreements with the big guys instead of everyone making a mad rush
to the MAE's.
--
"Routerworld"
Kevin Bacon's $200 Million dollar film has him portray young
routing guru Klayton Koneill. The world is overly segmented and routers
are rampant. Without switches and bridges, networks have to route when
they should switch. Join Klayton Koneill as he battles Dennis Hopper and
searches for dry copper and tries to conserve IP space.
--
"Switch & Let Die"
Frustrated with network collisions on his LAN, Koneill Bond --
inode 007..licensed to syn/ack...goes out to WalMart to buy a Cisco
Catalyst 1900. The Quake server got the 100mbp port.
--
"Pretty Server" -- Starring Julia Roberts and Clayton Oneill. The
story of a young admin struggling to lure Julia Robert into the ways of
admin'ing. It turns out she (Julia Roberts) is a routing guru.
--
"INN can't pump" -- White man Coneill stars as an aspiring news
admin struggling to stream-line innd source code to consistently pump
higher volume of news than the onyx line of servers...
--
"Leaving Louisiana" -- After mastering the art of news, Clayton
Oneill moves on to bigger and better challenges with a bigger Company
called Erols. There he finds cool Toys and Bandwidth providing the most
desirable atmosphere.
--
"Where the NNRPD grows" -- As a young boy, Coneill acquires two news
servers. Growing fond of them over time and spending countless ours
stream lining their source. It turns out they both create to much swap and
then the processes died. Young Coneill learns the values of life.
--
"Natural Born Admins" -- Woody Harellson plays Clayton O'Neill who turns
on klueless people who claim to be admins. He joins in the BOFH cult who
mass-extirminates anyone who crosses their paths.
--
"News Fiction" -- Clayton O'Neill in this stars in this
wild-n-crazy movie about News, and News Fiction. Jeff Sheldon's claim to
fame was this academy awarding wining role as The Gimp (tm) proves most
likely to be the hit of the Century. One of our favorite lines in the
movies comes after Clayton takes it up the butt by innd.
"I'm gonna buy me a couple hard hitting drives, to go to work on the news
here with a pairs of spindles and a cpu. If my news goes to Indo China I
want a server hiding in a bowl of rice to pop a path in their header."
--
"The Scarlet Server" -- A young server, developed by Clayton O'neill
places in the top 5 in freenix. After deciding to leave Premier, he was
turned down for remote admining of the box. From that day forth the
server has been branded as the Scarlet Server, and he crashes it every
night. The new incompetent admin, played by Cliff Daniel, struggles for
his survival in this exciting new drama written in part by Cliff Daniel.
--
"The Raider's Last Route" -- Young bucaneer Indiana O'Neill struggles at
the MAE's with his Cisco7500 trying to run default free and filter the
lusers.
And of course, later came:
"Indiana O'Neill and the Temple of News" -- Young bucaneer Indiana
O'Neill founds a new temple where all his underlings come to worship him.
This action adventure provides non stop action as O'Neill once again saves
the day.
--
"On Golden Ram" -- coneill stars in the romantic comedy portraying the
life of Goldie Hawn. His life is spent in search for true Parity Ram
instead of Logic Parity.
--
"Without INN" -- Starring Clayton Oneill as a xenix admin struggling to
write the first news server.
--
"Lost in CyberSpace" -- Clayton Oneill searches the network for his missing
resources. Jeff Sheldon stars as Rexx, the newsbox sent to protect coneill
from Microsoft.
--
"The Jezebel Proxy" -- Clayton Oneill and Frank Stallone star in a quirky
comedy about firewalls and killfiles.
--
"Mary Oreilly" -- Julie Roberts plays Clayton Oneill playing Julie Roberts
in this summer's blockbuster about a manchild and his fascination with
animals. Jeff Sheldon plays the twisted Doctor, bent on creating gross
mutations of the sendmail.cf
--
"Newsheads" -- Clayton Oneill along with sidekick's Zack and Matt, hack MCI
to improve their news rating. When Zack is killed by a faulty modem rack
Coneill turns to IRC for comfort.
--
"Four SCSI Disks and a Funeral" -- Starring Hugh Grant as Clayton
O'Neill building his first RAID array and struggling with SCSI
ID's and termination problems with a touching eulogy for his
dead news spool.
--
"The Terminator" -- Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Clayton
O'Neill running coax thru his dormitory and forgetting to
terminate at both ends.
--
"Close Encounters of The NNTP Kind" -- Clayton O'Neill thought to
be mad for building models of news servers out of mashed potatoes
goes on a journey to the heart of the Internet where he finds
incredible connectivity and honking news box.
--
"Mo' Bettah' News" -- African-American Coneill stars as an
aspiring news admin in the early 20's struggling to make his artform
(Cyclical INN) acceptable to the society. Watch him fight whitey.
--
"NEWS Jack City" -- Reading news in the hood with Ice-T and Mario
Van Peebles, Clayton learns what it's like to admin ghetto style news
boxes.
--
"The Disk Mirroring Has Two Phases" -- Clayton O'Neill in a mad
attempt to provide Erol's with better news services demands that they
double the amount of spindles running on their news boxes. Phase one is
convincing them to spend the money and phase two involves actually downing
the servers to setup the extra disks. Special guest appearance by Barba
Streisand as "Blow Job Betty".
--
"20,000 NNRPD's Under The Sea" -- Coneill finds a way to speed up the news
reading process by colocating his news boxes in the lost city of Atlantis.
--
"Cassete-Blank-A" -- Humphrey Bogart plays Clayton O'Neill who houses
refugees from Baton Rouge ISP's in a safehouse known as Erols. All was
well until one day Zakk, Clatyon & Matt realized that their backup tapes
were blank and a saboteur had infiltrated Erols. This film is famous for
Bogart's saying "Eyup...works fine for me Sam."
--
"Only News Rush In" -- Salma Hayek plays Clayton O'Neill who has a torrid
affair with Matthew Perry and afterwards struggles to stop the spamming of
his mail and news servers so that "only news rushes in".
--
"The Killfile Fields" -- Angry young BOFH Clayton O'Neill killfiles the
entire Internet because of it's inferior understanding of news server
adminstration.
--
"On Her Majesty's NNTP Service" -- Sean Connery plays a young news admin
working for the British Secret Service. Kicking newbies off of his IRC
channels he strikes fear into the heart of lusers worldwide. He is
O'Neill...Clayton O'Neill...007...license to expire.
--
"Forrest Tcpdump"
Koneill places the dumb yet loveable Forrest Tcpdump the idiot
hacker fired from Erols Internet for sniffing ethernet and sniffing glue.
--
"The Crimp That Stool Christmas"
Koneill becoming obsessed with crimping 10baseT forgets the true
meaning of Christmas. While laying cable in Erols Coneill forgets it's
Christmas Eve and his family spends the holiday seasons without dear old
dad.
--
"A Router Runs Thru It"
Coneill argues with lusers at NANOG over the need to do L3 routing
instead of L2 switching and also emphasizes the benefits of private
peering agreements with the big guys instead of everyone making a mad rush
to the MAE's.
--
"Routerworld"
Kevin Bacon's $200 Million dollar film has him portray young
routing guru Klayton Koneill. The world is overly segmented and routers
are rampant. Without switches and bridges, networks have to route when
they should switch. Join Klayton Koneill as he battles Dennis Hopper and
searches for dry copper and tries to conserve IP space.
--
"Switch & Let Die"
Frustrated with network collisions on his LAN, Koneill Bond --
inode 007..licensed to syn/ack...goes out to WalMart to buy a Cisco
Catalyst 1900. The Quake server got the 100mbp port.
--
"Blazing Spindles" -- Gene Wilder plays Koneill (tm), better know as the
Waco Admin, the faster news server in the west. Even though he was a long
shot, he still strives to succeed... Despite Cyclone fast nature, Koneill
is victorious. Rated PG
--
"Jurrassic Sparc"
Koneill equiped with a lowly SparcII, 64megs of RAM and an
external SCSI chassis of slow 5400 RPM drives battles to become # 1 on
Freenix. Watch and be amazed as the T1-Rex becomes saturated with 20 of
the top 25 newsfeeds!