Why ask why?
David Erbas-White
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks
on the doors?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the
pan?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you
turn on the headlights?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink
and drive?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
there?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only
endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights
off?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
Gene Costanza
"David Erbas-White" <der...@home.com> wrote in message
news:3C032078...@home.com...
| Why ask why 101
|
| Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
No, you *should* advertise shooting a mime.
|
| If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks
| on the doors?
So, the lone employee can lock himself in the bathroom with a Hustler at 3
in the morning when I desperately need a pack of smokes.
|
| If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
| height, what would happen?
|
Who cares?! I hate buttered toast, too!!! (Sorry, Aunt Ro...)
| If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
|
Why is a cow always female? Oh, I know, because it makes you think of my
ex-wife. Yuck yuck yuck..
|
| Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink
| and drive?
Au contrare, mon frere. I can drink and drive. Watch me at the next launch.
|
| Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
| there?
|
So that the employees can bet on which chain smoker blows themselves up by
forgetting the pump is running.
| Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
How fun would it be to float down the Hudson in a parachute?
|
| Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Ever been to Florida? 'nuff said.
|
| You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
| package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Stick some weaponized Anthrax in the package and mark it "Return to Sender".
|
| Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
|
Ever been to Florida? 'nuff said.
| You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
| why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
|
'cause TRA banned it while the jury at NAR's out on it.
|
| How did a fool and his money get together?
That's easy; I got a job.
|
| Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
|
Dunno but I think they like little boys better.
|
| How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
BDSM.
|
| Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
|
Even needles don't wanna be stuck in a sc*mbag.
| If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
|
'cause they haven't paid their tab at the local Hourly Bump-and-Grind yet.
|
| What do they use to ship styrofoam?
|
Cars if it's a shipment and ships if it's cargo.
| Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
|
I'm glad they do. They have awful haircuts.
|
| If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
|
(Refused a retort out of respect for Aunt Ro.)
| When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
|
Purple. (Think about it.)
|
| What was the best thing before sliced bread?
|
Eve in a pair of tight 501's.
| If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
|
|
| Does fuzzy logic tickle?
|
Only if you buy it at the Pink Pussycat.
| "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
|
So does that mean I've "experienced" J-Lo if I didn't get her?
| Is it possible to be totally partial?
|
I'm 100% unsure.
| What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only
| endangered plants?
Watch it take an endangered dump?
|
| Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
|
You've never seen Cirque d' Soleil.
| If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
|
Yeah, you can read left, too.
|
| Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
|
No, it would be an hord deouvres.
| Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
| clean them?
No, they're afraid someone will use them to urinate and defecate IN the
throne.
|
| When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
|
Because they make better targets.
| If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights
| off?
|
Why do you think they're in a funeral procession?
| Why is the word abbreviation so long?
|
Deja vu.
| Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
|
Because there's rmr. :-)>
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
|
No, he's gay. Just because.
| Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
|
No, because they taste like ***t to anybody.
| If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
| silent?
They can't. I shot him and three tourists.
--
METRA BOD TRA #07017 L3 NAR #74503 L3
I give in to sin,
Because I like to practice what I preach...
Karl M.J. Kowert
MAN, I'd hate to ask how many questions you will have after reading/building
like, say............ROCKETS?? :-)
KMJK
Jim Z in VT
Jim
"David Erbas-White" <der...@home.com> wrote in message
news:3C032078...@home.com...
tater schuld
Joel Corwith
Joel. phx
tater schuld <tat...@charter.net> wrote in message
news:u08ke6d...@corp.supernews.com...
Peter Clay
>Why ask why 101
Credit for this? I believe that most of this material comes from one of George
Carlin's books; certainly some of these lines are included in his routines.
Has all this just slipped into Internet anonymity?
David Erbas-White
email. So yes, I guess it has just slipped into Internet anonymity...
David Erbas-White
Jeff Hove
>
> Sorry, I don't know the source, it was just sent to me by a friend via
> email. So yes, I guess it has just slipped into Internet anonymity...
Some of these are by Steven Wright though many people have added on,
following his style.
Here are more:
http://www.meer.net/~mtoy/steven_wright.html
One of the funniest parts of his performances is how he manages to keep
a straight face the whole time.
Jeff Hove
tdstr
Carson made a comment about his junk food diet to which Steven replied;
'I drive much too fast to worry about my cholesterol'
priceless
--
Ted Novak
TRA#5512
Jim Z in VT
"> Some of these are by Steven Wright though many people have added on,
> following his style.
Some are definitely George Carlin's too. The two of them would make
a great double bill!
Jim
Chuck Pierce
The bit about toast (butter side up) on the back of a cat is clearly
from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." A moment of silence for the
great Douglas Adams....
--
Chuck Pierce
NAR 78629, Level 2
cpierce_AT_knology.net
Anthony
David Erbas-White <der...@home.com> wrote in message
news:3C032078...@home.com...
The Rocket Scientist
<snip>
> If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
> height, what would happen?
<snip>
Now you know what's REALLY in the Enterprise Warp nacelles.