NEW ENT: Strangeness (T'pol introspective ficlet)
Apocalypse
Author: Apocalypse
Fandom: ENT
Disclaimer: She's not mine, she's Bermaga's, and boy do they ever enjoy her.
Rating: G
Summary: T'pol reflects as the Enterprise ventures towards the Expanse.
Author's Note: Ha! No pairing at all. It's also my first posting to this
newsgroup. Hello, the house! I've selected to post this fic here first because
it's my smallest and most unassuming.
Feedback's welcome. I thrive on it. Really I do.
________________________________________
At the beginning, she was alone.
The temperature had been the first thing she'd noticed. The chill was
uncomfortable. The building that had been her home in San Francisco had had a
controlled climate specifically designed for its desert-born inhabitants, and
although the temperature in her personal space had been altered to her own
specifications, she could not remain in her quarters all the time.
She stepped aboard the strange, cold, grey human ship and wondered how long she
would have to stay. Her shipmates were strange creatures. Although
intellectually and logically she knew that when her own race was as young as
this one was now, they had actually been much worse off than these careless,
idealistic, adventurous, rambunctious humans, somehow she found it difficult to
grasp this and make it part of her awareness as she felt their eyes on her,
heard the undertones in their voices, watched the changes in their body
language as she approached, felt the chilly temperature of their ship and knew
that the only familiar Vulcan contact she could have was through subspace, and
even that was only the occasional personal letter from home and the orders she
received from Soval - as if that was actually a friendly, familiar prospect.
Vulcans have emotions. It is merely their philosophy to control and eschew them
in the pursuit of logic.
She had emotions.
At the beginning, she was alone. And she was afraid.
She felt their bigotry, understood it and even, in some ways, recognized it -
as though humanity was a distorted mirror of her own kind - and tried to put it
out of her mind. It was beyond difficult - it was next to impossible - hewing
out a place for herself here in the solid stone of their distrust and
prejudice, but she managed. The Enterprise was her home now, not just her
station, and her crewmates were her colleagues, her comrades, and might someday
grow to be more:
Friends.
Loyalty and friendship are emotional concepts, not logical ones based in
rationality ... as is the concept of family ... but Surak's teachings chose, at
the beginning, which emotions did not need to be eschewed.
Vulcans can love, the ones who allow themselves to admit it. It takes a long
time, and it's never based on such transient things as the physical - sexual
attraction being a silly thing irrelevant to the plak tow in any case. But a
meeting of minds, of spirits, is encouraged where it is found.
A meeting of species has never yet happened and T'pol doubted that it ever
would, not in such a deep, abiding way as love. But friendship ... that is
possible, she thought, with time.
With all of them.
All of these young, silly, emotional, irrational humans: all of them brilliant
in their own special ways, even as all of them were abysmally stupid and
illogical. For reasons that she couldn't understand, she *liked* them. And some
of them, she could even respect.
Soval did not approve. He thought that they had infected her. But she didn't
think that her infection was necessarily a bad thing. Surak had said, "To
control our emotions, we must first understand them." He'd been young, then,
before he was acknowledged to be the brilliant philosopher he turned out to be,
but it was a quotation that resonated with her especially now. In order to
understand her emotions, she had to admit that they were there.
And these humans - these strange, bizarre creatures with whom she lived her
daily life and with whom she had strangely come to identify despite how very
odd and immature she found them to be - dealt with their emotions every day,
admittedly some with less success than others. And their minds were all so
fresh and vibrant and *different* than anything she had ever experienced before
- some part of her wanted to let them all in, to take them all in, to learn
everything there was to know about them, even as another part of her quaked and
shivered in undeniable fear of the unknown.
But she had abandoned the High Command. She had chosen to brave the unknown at
Captain Archer's side, to do the best she could to aid this rambunctious young
race as it quested into the threateningly unfamiliar ...
And if she was going to do that, she thought that she had to understand the
unknown that she lived with every day.
So, like all adventurers since the beginning of time, T'pol decided to explore
... little by little, bit by bit, the stranger would continue to make herself
one with her strange land, and maybe, someday, her human crew would count her
as friend as well as as shipmate.
This was not the end. But when the end finally came, T'pol knew that she would
not be alone.
She was glad.
*finis*
apocalypse: infiltrating fandoms since 2003
KayJay
>
> Author: Apocalypse
>
> Fandom: ENT
>
> Disclaimer: She's not mine, she's Bermaga's, and boy do they ever enjoy
her.
>
> Rating: G
>
> Summary: T'pol reflects as the Enterprise ventures towards the Expanse.
Very enjoyable Apocalypse!
> At the beginning, she was alone.
> At the beginning, she was alone. And she was afraid.
I guess it's been ingrained in my since tykehood in fandom that Vulcans
aren't afraid. But they are, of course...it's all a facade for the sake of
"logic." I've come to understand that more and more as I get older, and see
my own masks fall away.
I like the way you weave this theme throughout the story, and wrap it up at
the end.
> It was beyond difficult - it was next to impossible - hewing
> out a place for herself here in the solid stone of their distrust and
> prejudice, but she managed.
Love this sentence! Very much a mind-picture.
> Soval did not approve. He thought that they had infected her. But she
didn't
> think that her infection was necessarily a bad thing. Surak had said, "To
> control our emotions, we must first understand them." He'd been young,
then,
> before he was acknowledged to be the brilliant philosopher he turned out
to be,
> but it was a quotation that resonated with her especially now. In order to
> understand her emotions, she had to admit that they were there.
I've also never understood how Vulcans can be so logical and measured, and
yet so misinterpret Surak's teachings, even dismissing the most basic of
them, such as "understanding emotions." Since T'Pol reads Surak for
relaxation, perhaps she takes the teachings more to heart. Wonder what Soval
reads? (Oh, no...plot bunny coming on...)
Post more!
KayJay
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TLin
be quite refreshing. It's always a pleasure to read about T'Pol's struggle to
ballance her own inner emotionalism.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
>:-]
T'Lin
http://www.geocities.com/tlin_s/
http://www.geocities.com/femme_fuhq_fest/index.html
"It is Unethical to harm a patient ... I can cause as much pain as I want to."
~~ Phlox ("Dead Stop")
Seema
> Title: Strangeness
>
> Author: Apocalypse
>
I liked this a lot -- a very well-written portrait of T'Pol with some
very lovely descriptions and flow. Thanks for posting and welcome to the
newsgroup.
seema
Mareel
> Title: Strangeness
> Author: Apocalypse
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Very nice! Thank you for posting this.
I appreciated this glimpse into T'Pol's thoughts about her posting,
first to Earth, then to Enterprise, and then of her choice to leave
the High Command to stay with Enterprise. The juxtaposition of her
physical sensation of constant cold (and the inner chill of her fears)
with the undeniable (even to her) warmth and vibrance of the humans
with whom she interacted was a nice backdrop for her growing
acceptance of the possibility of friendship. Very interesting that
even T'Pol didn't seem to consider messages from Soval as a "friendly,
familiar prospect."
> that the only familiar Vulcan contact she could have was through subspace, and
> even that was only the occasional personal letter from home and the orders she
> received from Soval - as if that was actually a friendly, familiar prospect.
Looking forward to more of your stories.
Mareel
Apocalypse
find people who tell me exactly *what* they like about my work. I think I like
it here. :-)
Juli17
about the emotions she's not supposed to acknowledge. Given the placement of
this ficlet after "The Expanse," it also nicely foreshadows the rumored
possibility of T'Pol "exploring" her emotions more in Season 3. If it happens,
I certainly hope it is in a similar vein as in your story--within the context
of Vulcan experience and with restraint.
Julie
Apocalypse
Thanks again, everyone!
Gamin Davis
> Title: Strangeness
>
> Author: Apocalypse
>
> Fandom: ENT
>
> Disclaimer: She's not mine, she's Bermaga's, and boy do they ever enjoy her.
>
> Rating: G
>
> Summary: T'pol reflects as the Enterprise ventures towards the Expanse.
>
> Author's Note: Ha! No pairing at all. It's also my first posting to this
> newsgroup. Hello, the house! I've selected to post this fic here first because
> it's my smallest and most unassuming.
>
> Feedback's welcome. I thrive on it. Really I do.
So eat this up: this was very good. I wished B&B had been able to
show this much depth to T'Pol's character. I like her here much
better than I do on the show. Thanks for posting, and please
"infiltrate" our fandom as much as you want. :^)
Gamin
Apocalypse
off when next season proves to be as full of dumb regarding her as I hope it's
not.
Mara
This was a very nice look into T'Pol's mind :) I think the last lines
were my absolute favorite, though:
> This was not the end. But when the end finally came, T'pol knew that she would
> not be alone.
>
> She was glad.
Touching and a nice wrap-up to the ideas expressed.
Mara
Selek
| yet so misinterpret Surak's teachings, even dismissing the most basic of
| them, such as "understanding emotions." Since T'Pol reads Surak for
| relaxation, perhaps she takes the teachings more to heart. Wonder what
Soval
| reads? (Oh, no...plot bunny coming on...)
|
| Post more!
|
| KayJay
I encourage this plot bunny!
Selek
Selek
Selek
Gamin Davis
> Hehehe - thanks, Gamin. I only hope fanfiction T'pol can take some of the edge
> off when next season proves to be as full of dumb regarding her as I hope it's
> not.
Sigh--from what I've heard, ENT is going from bad (IMO) to worse.
I suspect T'Pol is going to be the *least* of the problems. I guess
I'll just have to rely on fan-fic T'Pol versions, which should fare
even better, by comparison...
Gamin
Sue
Spock. There are many sides to this fascinating Vulcan
explorer than meets many eyes.
best, Sue