{ASS/M} Best Laid Plans... by Kim (MF, FF, Bondage, Comedy)

[Ghost Ex Machina]

This is an attempt to counter the sadness of my last story. My hope is that
it will raise a smile or two. That bit's up to you.

Not to be read by the satirically-challenged, people under the age of consent,
people who can't read, or by anyone really. You have been warned!

Best Laid Plans... (or How I Saved the World with some Bondage)

By Kim
(C) all rights reserved

Life had been a bit dull lately. I was determined to liven it up some. Rob had
gone out for the morning, but said he'd he be back for lunch. I went to the
bedroom and got together all the stuff I wanted to surprise him with. The
soft leather shackles and the fur-lined cuffs, my sexy new garter belt and an
unopened packet of sheer black stockings.

I piled them on the bed and stripped off all my clothes. It felt wonderfully
decadent strutting about the house with nothing on. I set the heating up a
few degrees, as I didn't want any goosebumps spoiling the effect.

I went to the bathroom and got out Rob's electric beard trimmer. I lifted one
leg up on the edge of the tub and proceeded to trim off all my pubic hair. It
fluttered down into a little heap on the floor. Next I got out my Ladyshave
and finished off the job till I was completely nude and smooth between my
legs. I don't shave my pubes off very often, as it's too much of a pain to
keep up with it, and it sure is uncomfortable when it starts to grow back.

I knew Rob would like the effect, I wanted to surprise him in every way
possible. I stooped down and swept the hair into my hand and threw it down
the toilet. I had a shower and washed myself clean as far as my soapy fingers
would reach. I didn't need to wash my hair so that saved some time.

I stood looking at myself in the full length mirror as I dried. The regular
exercising really had returned my body to its youthful best. I was pleased
with the tone and the shape. I twisted round and looked over my shoulder at
my butt. Not too bad I guess, but hell, I'm never satisfied. I was glad Rob
was a lot less discerning than I was.

My legs were still smooth from their last shave, so I slid the stockings up
and attached them to the garter belt I'd positioned round my waist. I thought
about some heels, but I figured they'd just get in the way. I wasn't intending
to wear anything else. I sat for twenty minutes taking special care over my
makeup. Not too much, but more than usual. A little lipstick on my nipples.
A few touches of perfume, but not enough to mask my natural odors. A
final brush of my hair and I stood to observe myself in the big mirror again.

Hands on hips, pert breasts, lipstick red smile, naked pussy lips framed by
the red garter belt. I was sure he'd approve.

I picked up the pages of the sexy story I'd printed earlier and pinned one
each on the doors leading to the bedroom. I sat on the bed and attached the
leather shackles to my ankles and my left wrist. I checked the time. Rob
would be home in about a half an hour. Still plenty of time to finish off my
preparations.

My shaved puss was beginning to complain a bit, so I smoothed some
moisturizer onto the tender newly-exposed skin. Next I got a tube of KY
from the night table and liberally spread the gel about my lips and a bit down
my inner thighs. I got on the bed and worked out where I would be laying
and then squeezed out a blob of the gel onto the sheet and spread it into a
realistic looking damp patch. I repositioned myself and checked the effect.
Yep, it looked like I was one turned-on gal. I smiled at the artifice, Rob
might guess it wasn't all me, but I doubted it. Men don't argue with a good
thing when it's handed to them on a plate.

I put the KY back and set about buckling my feet to the end of the bed. I
spread them as wide as was comfortable. I looked over at the bedside clock
and checked the time again. I buckled my left wrist to the head of the bed. I
leaned up and snapped the cuffs to my right wrist and flicked open the other
cuff. Well, this would be it. Once I snapped the cuff to the bed I really
wouldn't be going anywhere. I wouldn't be able to release myself even if I
wanted to.

For five minutes I contemplated the open cuff. Should I wait till I heard him
coming in or just take the risk and do it now? My stomach began to flutter
at the prospect of being spread-eagled like this, totally out of control of the
situation. I could feel my own juices start to mingle with the KY. Maybe I
hadn't needed to be so liberal with the gel after all. I considered a gentle
fingering of my clit, but I resisted the temptation. I wanted Rob to have first
touch of my new bare pussy. This was all his treat after all.

I did it. I just reached out and snapped the cuff. A wave of exquisite
anticipation rippled through me and I couldn't help but close my eyes and
savor the feeling. I tried to wriggle my legs together and get some friction
on my slippery, exposed pussy, but they shackles held firm and my legs
remained obstinately spread wide. I whimpered in the first tremors of
delicious frustration. My nipples had hardened to a painful throbbing
tightness. I craved the return of Rob, but at the same time I wanted this
helpless lust to continue for as long as possible.

I wasn't sure if I could induce an orgasm just by thought alone, but I felt
myself building and building. My clit was singing with desire for something
to rub it. I tried to twist in the hope of rubbing myself on the bed, but I was
too firmly held. If I could've just touched it once, for only a second or two,
that would've been enough. But I couldn't. I groaned in frustration. It was
terrific.

It was about then that things started to go wrong...

* * *

The phone rang. I jumped in surprise. Damn, I hadn't considered that would
happen. Never mind, I thought, the answering machine would cut in. It was
Rob. He was puzzled that I didn't answer, but several "Come on, Kim, pick
up"s later he finally muttered "Well, I guess you're not there. I've just
bumped into Tracy and Phil. They've invited us to spend the evening at a
quiet dinner party. I shan't bother coming home, Phil and I are gonna play a
round of golf, so I'll meet you there, say about six. The address is in the
book. Don't get tied up for too long. Love you," he said, and broke the
connection.

I screamed the words "shit" and "fuck" as loud as I could, over and over, as
I rhythmically banged my head on the pillows in time with my rants. I
eventually laid still and looked up at my shackled wrists above my head. The
bed had a wrought iron frame. Strong as I was, I wasn't about to break free.
I started to giggle, then laugh, then ended up crying. After a while I just laid
there.

Then it got worse.

I heard a noise in the living room. I tensed and laid still. I heard the noise
again. Somebody was moving about. I debated what to do. But straight
away I knew I really only had one choice. I didn't do anything. I couldn't.

The noise came closer and closer. The bedroom door swung open and
Richard Nixon came into the room. I don't know which one of us was more
shocked at what we both saw. Me, flashing my shaved pussy at him, or him
with his rubber mask. Being confronted by a burglar face to face is bad
enough, but to make it face to helpless pussy was extraordinarily unnerving.

"Hi," I said, and tried my best welcoming smile. He just stood there
transfixed, looking at my naked body tied to the bed and pretty much
inviting further inspection.

"Erm, I know this looks kinda weird, an' all... but there is an explanation," I
said. he ignored me and looked around the room. I expect he figured
somebody would leap out of the closet any moment.

He didn't say anything, he just started to open drawers and move items
about looking at them, presumably assessing their value. It was weird
having some stranger ignore you while they casually burglarized your house.

"Hey, you wouldn't do me a favor and untie me, would you?" I asked
hopefully. He ignored me and put a few items of my jewelry in his pocket.
He came and checked my night table. He opened the drawer and pulled out
some condoms and dropped them on the floor. Next came my two vibrators.
He held them up to show me and I just nodded, blushing slightly. Which,
given the circumstances, was kinda superfluous. He tossed them back in the
drawer and stood up for another look round. He looked down at me. I
couldn't see, but I felt him grinning at me behind his mask.

He walked over to the closet and spent a few moments poking about
looking for anything small and valuable. There wasn't anything that took his
fancy. Eventually he came and sat on the bed next to me. Up to then I'd felt
reasonably at ease, well as at ease as you'd expect, given the situation. But
now I suddenly felt desperately vulnerable.

"I guess, you're not gonna release me, are you?" I said, regretfully. He
shook his head. So far he'd managed to remain completely silent. Didn't
want to be picked out of any line-ups later, I assumed.

"Well, if you ain't gonna talk, then I'll have to for both of us. You're not
gonna do anything unpleasant that we'll both regret are you?" I said. He
shook his head slowly. I couldn't tell if it was puzzlement at the crazy
situation, or an answer to my question.

His held his hand up, fingers spread, palm facing me, and slowly moved it
towards my face. He was wearing surgical latex gloves. I started to turn my
head away and the hand stopped. I turned back to look at him and the hand
started to slowly move forward again. I began to breath in short pants, as a
sudden fear gripped me, that this was it. But he just carefully brushed my
hair from my eyes where it had been irritating me since my frantic head
thrashing of earlier. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, not so much for the
removal of my bangs, but for the fact that he didn't do anything more.

"Thank you," I said, still panting slightly, but mightily relieved, and
marveling that I seemed to be blessed with an honorable burglar. "You
know, it would be a hell of a lot easier if you'd say something," I said. He
shook his head again. I sighed. "Ok, I understand."

He held his hand up to his mouth and made a drinking motion with an
imaginary cup. I frowned for a moment, wondering why he was even asking
for my permission, then I realized he was asking me if I wanted a drink. It
dawned on me that all that shouting earlier had left my throat a bit raw. I
nodded an affirmative. He got up and left the room. A short time later he
returned with a glass of water and sat next to me again. He carefully held it
to my lips. I craned my neck up to accept the drink, but some of it still
escaped and ran down my face onto the pillow. He put the drink down and
fetched a towel from the bathroom and mopped my face.

"I suppose I left a window open or something, huh?" I said. He nodded. I
shook my head in self-recrimination. "I guess I deserve this, don't I." He
shrugged, and tilted his head slightly. He looked down at my body and I
became acutely aware again that I was naked before his gaze. Not being
able to do anything about it I mentally shrugged and resigned myself to his
stares.

"Like what you see?" I said. He thought a moment and then held up his
hand and waggled it in a so-so movement. For a moment I was indignant,
then I realized he was kidding me. I couldn't help smiling. I had a burglar
with a dry sense of humor. "Yeah, well, I know the tits could be bigger, but
I refuse to have any damn silicon stuck in them. I'll keep with what Ma
Nature intended me to have." I trailed away into silence when it occurred to
me I was telling a complete stranger, who'd come here with the sole
intention of robbing me, about my feelings on breast augmentation. Just
when I thought my life has twisted through every weird circumstance it's
likely to face, up had popped another one.

"Look, you should go, my boyfriend is due any moment. He won't take
kindly to your presence," I said. The burglar shook his head and made hand
signs indicating that he'd heard Rob's call too. My heart sank. Rob's return
had been my best hand, and now my bluff had been easily dismissed. Ok,
Plan B.

"Is there anything I can do for you, in return for you releasing my bonds," I
said. He held up both hands in mock surprise at such a suggestion. I
suppose it was pretty dumb, considering he could take anything I had to
offer regardless of my consent.

"Ok, well what do you want?" I asked, puzzled as to why he was still here
and not apparently wanting to take advantage of me. He pointed to my
mouth and then his ear, then made a continue motion with his hand. "You
want me to talk to you?" I asked. He nodded enthusiastically and then put
his hand inside his big padded ski jacket. He pulled out a piece of paper and
held it up to me, pointing towards it and then back to me. I looked at the
paper and realized it was one of the pages I'd printed for Rob. I'd started a
story and written a few paragraphs on each of the pages I'd printed and then
pinned to the doors. The idea was that Rob would read them as he
approached the bedroom and it would put him in the right frame of mind for
what I wanted.

"You want me to tell you the rest of the story?" I asked, incredulously. He
nodded rapidly in agreement. I was dumbfounded. Weird on top of weird.
He pointed to the "Love Kim" line at the bottom and pointed to me. I
nodded, but he shook his head and pointed to "Kim" again. I frowned, but
still nodded, but again he shook his head. He put the paper down and
started typing and imaginary keyboard and then pointed to me again. "You
mean did I type them?" I asked. Again he shook his head and sighed. He sat
for a moment, apparently in indecision. Again he picked up the paper and
pointed to my name, followed by some frantic pointing at me.

"Yes, damnit, I'm Kim, that's me, I wrote the fucking thing," I said,
exasperated. He clenched his fists in frustration and struck the palm of his
hand to his forehead. After a moment he went through the whole name
pointing routine again. I suddenly had a flash of understanding. "You don't
happen to read ASSD on the net do you?" I asked. He nodded vigorously.
"So you're asking am I "the" Kim, not just any Kim?" I asked. His whole
body relaxed and he nodded. At last I understood. "Erm, well actually yes I
am that Kim, but you'd better goddamned promise me you won't tell
anyone," I said, angrily. He nodded an affirmative and made a scouts honor
sign.

He leaned up and took hold of my right hand. It took a moment to realize he
was trying to shake my hand. Once again I was struck by the absurdity of
the situation and started to laugh. He also started a high pitched giggle, but
immediately clamped his hand over his mouth and stopped. This only made
me laugh some more and soon I was howling with such laughter that I was
shaking the bed. I eventually subsided and laid there exhausted. He gently
wiped the tears of laughter that streaked my face away with the towel he'd
fetched earlier. He pointed to the half-drunk glass on the night table. I
nodded a yes and he helped me have some much needed mouthfuls of water.

"So you wanna know how the story continues, huh?" I said. He nodded
enthusiastically.

Hmmm, where to begin? Well at the beginning, I guess...

* * *

I entered C's impressive office. The intelligent, but sexy, secretary had
buzzed me through. I casually tossed my coat across the room and knocked
the coat stand over.

"Commander Kim, I have brought you back into active service on a matter
of the gravest importance. The continued existence of the Western
democracies rests entirely in your hands. No pressure of course. Would you
like a cup of tea?" she said. It had been five years since I left the spy game
and went into semi-retirement.

"What is it this time?" I said, with a sigh, as I settled into the luxurious
leather-bound chair. I looked around the office. The sumptuous oak
paneling and crystal chandelier contrasted oddly with the huge television
screen covering one wall. I could see the pigeons of Trafalgar Square in the
distance through the bombproof windows.

"Oh, the usual, just some megalomaniac jerk, wants to rule the world,
normal stuff, really," she shrugged. "This was received at the Times news
desk at 6 o'clock this morning." She tossed a file across her vast desk at me.
Inside was a video and a note. I raised my eyebrows at C. She leaned
forward and pressed a button in the top drawer of her desk. The TV screen
flickered into life.

A good-looking young woman performed a back flip and stabbed a man in
the chest with a wooden stake. I looked at C quizzically. She harumphed
and pointed a remote at the screen and the tape started to fast forward. "An
episode of 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' the lab tells me," she said. The screen
rippled and collapsed into noise. Then a face appeared grinning into the
camera. My heart leapt. I knew that face. It was none other than the evil
genius Bronfeld, my arch nemesis. The unmistakable scar across one eye,
the exaggerated grin, the stroking of her pussy.

"Hello C, I just thought you'd like to know my organization has just
hijacked a satellite, a large ship, a submarine, a stealth bomber, an oil
platform and another satellite. With all this equipment we're going to
something really despicable, you see that we don't!" Bronfeld said, smirking
into the camera.

C leaned across the desk and whispered "I thought you'd killed her?"

"Four times, so far, but she just keeps on coming back. I shot her in the
head in Las Vegas, I blew her up on an oil rig off the coast of Mexico, blew
her up in a volcano in Japan, and finally I dropped her off a helicopter's
runner down a big chimney in London. She just won't stay dead, the bitch,"
I hissed.

"London?" C asked, raising her eyebrows yet again.

"What can I tell ya, we'd run out of location budget by then," I shrugged.

Bronfeld had stopped speaking and was looking off to her left somewhere.
After a pause she said "Think they bought all that stuff? We did get the
stealth bomber, didn't we?" she asked someone off camera. She looked back
at the camera and said "You're not still taping are you?" The picture broke
up and slowly resolved into an old episode of Baywatch. C stopped the
tape.

"So, your mission Kim, is to track down that missing stealth bomber and
terminate Bronfeld once and for all," C said. While she had been speaking
I'd idly pulled out my Walther PPK and was absently-mindedly snapping the
safety catch on and off.

"I will, of course add three tens to your record, if you can pull this one off,"
she said, hurriedly. I realized what I was doing and put the gun back in my
shoulder holster.

"So what's first?" I asked.

"Well, you know, the usual, go to several exotic locations, shoot a few
people, blow something up, make ludicrous jumps of logic, and bed at least
three gorgeous babes. Maybe have a dramatic chase near the end.
Something like that."

The door opened and Deegeepenny came in carrying the tea. He crashed the
tray down on C's desk and handed me my spilled cup. "Ah, shaken, not
stirred. I see you haven't forgotten," I said. He smiled his demure smile and
wiggled his way back out the office.

"Uh-huh, one question... why me? I've been retired for five years. All I do
now is write the odd review and knock out smutty stories."

"The Prime Minister and I, felt that under the circumstances only you could
do the job, agent Oh, Oh, Ohhhh," she said. "Report to B for your field
equipment. Good luck, Kim."

I got up and left her office.

"Hey, Deegeepenny, still like it Greek? I asked. He blushed charmingly.

* * *

I made my way to the armory and my meeting with Brother B. I wondered
what strange and ridiculous equipment he'd come up with this time. I stood
and admired the shiny new BMW sports car parked in the corner.

B handed me a briefcase. I went to flick open the catches, but B held my
arm and shook his head. "You've got to turn them through ninety degrees
first," he warned. "The whole thing is lined with thin strips of C4, if you
don't turn them first, it's 'boom', and anyone within fifty yards will have a
very bad day."

I turned the catches and opened the case. Inside was a large strap-on dildo. I
held it up "Don't tell me, B, does this has a hidden flame thrower built in?"

"Hardly, it's just standard equipment for all our top agents. You never know
who'll you'll bump into. We like to cover every eventuality."

I dropped the dildo back into the case and shut it. "Anything else for me?" I
asked.

He smiled. I spent the next hour going over the various toys.

As I was leaving a young technician pulled me to one side. "Sorry to bother
you Commander, but why do you call B, 'Brother'?" she asked.

I smiled. "Sure you wanna know?" I asked. She nodded enthusiastically.

"Well, one night I came down here to get something and he and one of the
technicians were, erm, enjoying themselves across the workbenches."

She looked puzzled. "But how does that explain the 'Brother' thing?"

"She was dressed as a nun and he was dressed as a monk," I said, managing
to keep a straight face. Her mouth fell slightly open. I walked on and didn't
laugh until I was the other side of the blast-proof doors.

* * *

The plane landed with a bump. I hadn't been to the South Pole for a long
time. It still looked just as white as I remembered.

It had been a tough few days. The fight with a dozen ninjas on the roof of
the World Trade Center had taken it out of me. Luckily, B's rocket thruster
heels had enabled me to leap from one tower to the other and evade them.
The bicycle chase through the streets of Amsterdam had been a close
pedaled thing too.

I'd got the break I needed from the mercenary Tim Quon in the back streets
of Calcutta. He knew where Bronfeld's yacht had sailed for, the previous
week. Unfortunately he'd only give me the information if I submitted myself
to him. It was an easy choice, I'd often given myself for Queen and country.
It was only later that I discovered he had unusual tastes. He'd wrapped me
in Saranwrap from head to foot and tied me to a wall. When I asked him
what was to happen next he shrugged and said he didn't know because I was
the first woman who'd let him do it. We'd stayed that way for about ten
minutes till I suggested he might as well unwrap me in that case, so he did,
and we had a nice cup of tea and a chat.

I'd traced the yacht to Cape Town where I'd learned that Bronfeld's
organization was responsible for large shipments of jet fuel south. That, and
some nuclear bombs. There was only one place left to go south of Cape
Town and so I hopped a flight to the American Palmer Science Base. I
knew it was really a cover for the CIA to keep a close watch on the Russian
base.

I was met by my old friend Felix P. Dragon, my CIA counterpart. He told
me that they'd been unable to find any trace of 'S.M.O.O.C.H', Bronfeld's
organization. I looked at the map on his office wall.

"I think I've found it," I said. He peered at the map.

"What makes you think that's the place?"

"Why would Iceland have a base in Antarctica?"

"Good point."

* * *

There were two guards patrolling the entrance to the single wooden building
that was supposed to be the Icelandic Ice Study Center. I started to screw
the silencer onto my Walther when I noticed a figure slinking up the side of
the building carrying a pair of pistols. I'd recognize that slink anywhere. It
was my arch rival from the KGB, secret agent Tariaski. I watched as she
crouched momentarily and then launched into a forward roll and came up
between the two guards neatly hitting them both on the back of the head.
They crumpled to the floor without a sound.

I stood up an applauded. Tariaski whirled round and crouched, pointing the
AK-47 she'd lifted from the guard. When she saw it was me she stood up
and smiled.

"So, Commander Kim, you too look for Bronfeld?" she said, in her sexy
Russian accent.

"You got it Babe," I said. I held out my hand, but she pulled me to her and
gave me a big hug.

"It's been a while Commander. Do you still love me?"

"Of course, you're the only one for me," I lied. She scowled, but then
grinned and gave me a sloppy kiss.

"What is your plan?" she asked.

"Well, I intend to go in there and shoot a lot of people, blow up anything
that looks remotely like a stealth plane and finally walk into a trap so that
there can be a big showdown at the end with Bronfeld."

"The usual then?"

"Yep."

We opened the door and peered inside cautiously. There was a long tunnel
disappearing underground. We crept along, each of us now equipped with
an AK-47 courtesy of the guards. Half way down the corridor there was a
door. I opened it while Tariaski covered me with her rifle. The room was
empty, save for a bed.

"It's a pity you haven't got your standard issue briefcase," Tariaski said.

"Yeah, some idiot stole it at the airport. Still, that's one less thieving
baggage handler to worry about. But if it's this you were thinking about?" I
said as I opened up my large ski jacket. I had on twin shoulder holsters. In
the left was my trusty Walther, but in my right...

"You brought it with you," Tariaski said squealing in delight. She pushed
me into the room and closed the door behind us. There's nothing like
extreme danger and impending explosions to get you wet and desperate I've
found.

Two hours later we staggered out of the room, not walking quite so lithely
as we'd gone in.

"If I die now it will be with a smile on my face," Tariaski whispered, and
giggled softly.

We crept along the corridor to the end. It terminated in a control room. We
peered through the glass door. There sat Bronfeld, still stroking her pussy.
The room looked out over an immense underground space. Three stealth
planes sat patiently on the floor of the cavern, with dozens of minions
fussing about them like so many worker ants. I hate minions. I was looking
forward to blowing up as many of them as possible.

* * *

I awoke to find myself strapped to a table with a large dangerous looking
piece of equipment hovering over me. I groaned, my head hurt. I looked
around me. I was back in the control room. I remembered the dramatic
shoot outs, the running around and shouting a lot, the satisfaction of
destroying two of the planes. It was all terribly exciting, but you don't need
me to fill in the all details, do you?

There was no sign of Tariaski. Bronfeld saw that I was awake and casually
strolled over to my side, still clutching her cat under one arm.

"So Commander Kim, you're awake at last. So glad you could join us for
the grand finale. Welcome to Armageddon," she said.

"Do you mind if imma geddin outa here?" I said.

"Really, Commander Kim, you disappoint me."

"Yeah, you're right, I'm not very good at telling jokes."

"In twenty minutes I will issue a declaration of war, apparently from the
former Soviet Union, and my plane will bomb Washington DC into dust.
What do you think of that?"

"Would anyone notice?"

"Hah, I expected better Commander."

"Sorry, I'm new to this comedy stuff."

"Don't give up your day job."

"Erm, what have you done with Tariaski?"

"Ah, yes, the KGB's finest. Oh don't worry, she's alive and well. For the
moment. She's strapped to the nuclear device being loaded onto the plane
you so graciously saw fit to leave in one piece. I hear she likes a good bang.
Well this should be the biggest bang she's ever had," Bronfeld said,
chuckling to herself.

I looked at the large digital clock on the wall. There were only seven
minutes left. We watched as the plane was lifted up into the air on a large
hydraulic platform. I turned my attention to the machine still hovering over
me.

"It's a laser, Commander. I intend to set it going at the moment the bomb
drops."

"You expect me to talk?"

"No, I expect you to go 'ow' a lot! You see, it's not a cutting laser, it's a
surgical laser. You won't be falling in half, when I've finished with you. No,
I'm going to weld your pussy shut! Hah, what do you think of that, my
promiscuous little spy slut? You'll have the rest of your miserable life
sexless. It'll be torture for you!"

I thought about this revelation for a moment. "Nah, my boyfriend prefers
oral, and he's fond of anal too."

"Shut up you pervert, you're ruining the dramatic finale, damn you,"
Bronfeld screamed. She stepped close and produced a pair of scissors in
triumph. She cut my ski pants away and then my panties. So there I was tied
up and showing my pussy to strangers.

"Hey, doesn't this sound familiar?" I said.

Tricky Dick got up and went to the dressing table. He pulled all my jewelry
and credit cards out of his pockets and dropped them on the table. He
looked back at me, as if pondering what to do. I saw him look down and
pick up the key to my handcuffs. He swung them back and forth
contemplating his next move. He tossed them in the air and caught them
decisively in the palm of his other hand.

He sat down next to me again on the bed. Holding one of the keys he let the
other dangle on its short length of chain. He trailed it slowly over my belly
in little circles. The key slowly meandered towards my exposed pussy lips.

"Don't... erm... don't you want to hear... oh God, that feels good... about my
daring escape and the invasion... oh shit... I... I... really don't think you
should be... oh fuck, oh fuck, just there, please, just there... and all the CIA
troops who... ooooh, ungggg, haaaaa, nnnnnnng... how... how I rescued
Tariaski from... oh shiiiiiiiiiittttttt.

I laid there panting, eyes closed and shimmering, and all from a key. Jesus. I
opened my eyes to see a dripping key being dangled above my face. Dick
lowered it to my lips until it was resting on them. He leaned over and
pressed on my chin with his free hand and urged my mouth open. The slick
key dropped on to my tongue as he let go the other key and it hung down
my chin. I instinctively clamped my teeth shut on the chain linking the two
keys.

He reached up and unbuckled my left hand. It was almost numb and just
flopped down beside me, limp and tingling. He pulled up the bottom of his
mask and revealed a set of perfectly lipsticked lips. He leaned down and
kissed me on the cheek. Richard Nixon was a she.

"I prefer your sad stories," she said.

"Phannk oooh," I said.

"See ya, Kim. It's been fun. But how come you didn't tell me the rest of the
story you were writing for Rob?"

"I hidn't hink ee wash appro... apppr." I spat the key out. "I didn't think it a
good idea to get you aroused, under the circumstances."

She smiled. "Guess, not."

She got up and repositioned her mask. She gave me a wave and left. I tried
to wave back, but my arm still felt dead. I called out a thank you, but there
was no reply. I wondered what I was thanking her for; the key induced
orgasm, or giving me back my things. Both I guess. I looked at the clock. I
could still make it to the dinner party.

The End

I would like to thank all the generous people who gave their permision to
be used in my story like this. If you don't read ASSD then you'll not know
what I'm talking about, so don't worry about it <grin>.

I would like to thank my friend the Bear for his proofing skills and Brotherly
Love. You can also blame him for the original suggestion that I should write
a spy spoof. I'd also like to thank Uther for his most helpful comments.

This story is not to be used in any commercial venture without my express
permission.

You can contact me at gh...@nym.alias.net and you can read all my
stories at http://www.io.com/~thebear/kimidx.htm

Kim
(c)March 1998

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