Dark Musings: Afterward

[Anonymous]

(afterword)

That was not the last time I saw Jeffery, but it was in essence the
end of our relationship, and though it took much longer to die, it
was the end of my relationship with Tom as well.

The musings that you have so patiently read, were written at the
time when I was in the darkest time of despair.

The time after the relationships ended was very difficult for me.
I came away hurt and mistrustful. I did not believe in anything,
least of all myself. It seemed that everything I did was wrong and
I ended up tearing apart those who I loved. I had to pick up the
pieces of myself and reassemble them to be where I am today.

So where am I right now?

Well, I have learned many things. I have learned that I need to
love myself before I can believe in the love of others. I have
learned that for a relationship to work, communication is the most
important thing, and I am as responsible for communicating my needs
as they are for listening. I am responsible for listening to them,
and being open to working with their needs.

I have a new relationship now, one I believe is much healthier than
the type I have had in the past. With Patrick, I am much more
realistic about my wants and needs. I know it is not his
responsibility to save me, I had to do that myself.

I know that what I want is a good relationship that has BDSM in it,
not BDSM as the mainstay. I know that for me, polyamory does not
work, and neither does dishonesty.

I no longer look at BDSM in the way I used to. I think it can be a
wonderful addition to a solid relationship. I also think it can be
devastating to a shaky one.

I made a lot of mistakes in my relationships with Jeffery and Tom,
and I hope I have learned from that. I hope that seeing my
mistakes may help someone else not make some of the same ones.

Dark (who has now moved into the Light)