Dark Musings: 19
Anonymous
(19)
At one point, Jeffery decided to try using clothespins on me. I
have always hated pinching, and here was one thing I had a hard
time taking. It hurt, and I didn't enjoy it, and Jeffery chose
not to push me at that time, so he didn't make me endure them.
I felt as if I had failed him a bit. His reassurances rang true,
and the disappointment I felt at not being able to handle them was
only my own standards. He did not make me feel less for it.
Again, a simple thing, but one I was not used to.
Again, it was brought home to me that a slave's feelings were
important. That if a Master truly cares for them, and loves them,
the Master will take into account what the needs of the slave are,
as well as their own.
The night grew late, and Jeffery and I had gone downstairs with Jo
and John. John had planned on doing a scene with Jo, and Jeffery
was going to help. I was going to watch.
Something happened, and in the midst of things Jo started yelling
at Jeffery again. The previous night he had been patient and took
it, but for some reason, that night he snapped and began to get
very angry. Before things got ugly, he and I left for the hotel.
On the way back, I talked with him and did my best to comfort him.
His love for Jo was evident, and I knew that there was some deep
hurt between the two of them that was coming out, partially because
of my presence.
I knew part of the problem was how absorbed we were in each other.
I strongly suspected that in the past, Jo had never really had to
contend with anyone for Jeffery's attention. I knew he had been
involved with others before. He loved easily, and often, so there
had been contact with other women. But there was something
different about our contact, something deeper than what Jeffery was
used to, and Jo seemed to instinctively know it and fear what it
might mean.
I didn't know what to do. I felt something deep for this man, more
than I had ever felt before, but I didn't want to interfere with
his relationship with Jo. Part of me knew that he would never
really be mine, and part of me desperately wanted him.
When we got back to the hotel, we held each other, and talked of
many things. We talked of his pain, we talked of our love, but we
carefully avoided talking of tomorrow's parting.
Dark