{Estragon} War Games (femdom)

[Ole Joe]

WAR GAMES, I
By Estragon

Dear Caroline,

We miss you here a lot. It'll be funny going back to school without you.
I mean, you were still here a year ago and then you were gone. Thank you
for your letter. I'm glad you like where you're living.

Okay, now I have to tell you something incredible, but you have to
promise to believe me. It's all true, okay? Then when you're done you'd
better throw this letter away. Tear it up first though. Here goes.

Well, you know how boring things get by the end of the summer and you
have to admit that you'll be glad when school starts? So I'm bored like
that last week, and it's really hot out and the pool is closed because of
the filters and I think I'm going to jump out of my skin I'm so bummed.
I'm sitting in front of the a.c. flipping through my mom's Vogue Magazine
and just looking at the pictures of the models and daydreaming, thinking
it must be nice to be a beautiful grown-up like them. I mean a woman. And
I'm saying the word, woman, over and over again in my mind and saying,
Rachel the Woman, I'm Rachel the Woman, and it sounds good to me. It
sounds right. Just hold on, Rache, I tell myself, and you'll get there.
Suddenly m mom says, Golly, Rache, why don't you go out or something? I
bet you're sorry you didn't go to camp after all. I don't even answer but
I'm not sorry I didn't go. I'd rather be bummed right here. All I say is,
Mom, did you really say Golly?

Okay, I'm getting to it. So I call up Darcy Bloom and she and I and this
girl Melanie who started in fifth just after you moved and who's a lot
like you too, same blonde hair, we decide to go down to the park. We walk
over to the dog-run except that there's no dog there. It's too hot.
There's nobody there. So we sit under a tree and talk about what to do.
You remember there's like a wall of trees there? So from the other side
of the wall we hear voices, boy voices, and I'm pretty sure one of them
is Bobby Brooks who's already twelve you have to know. I say, Let's look
and see. Darcy and Melanie aren't into it, but they follow me through the
trees and yes, there's Bobby and four other boys pretending to be
shooting at one another with invisible guns. There's Mike Kelley and
Jeffrey something that they call Jeffie because he hates it and a kid
named Paul and another boy I don't really know the name of.

Shit, Bobby says when he sees us. No girls, thank you.

We want to play too, I say in my whiniest voice, just to give him
trouble. He's a couple years older than us and the other boys and he
likes to show what a tough guy he is.

You can't fucking play, he says. We're playing war. Girls can't play
fucking war.

Oh, they're playing war! Pardon me, Fucking war. Wow. Like, I really want
to play war with them and their invisible guns. But I'm feeling really
teed off that they won't let us so I say, Yes we can. Darcy says, Come
on, Rachel, we don't care. Melanie doesn't say anything because she still
feels like a new girl. But I decide I want to win this one even if I
don't really want to play, so I make myself real girl-like.

Please, Bobby, I say, and wiggle around a lot. Please can we play war?

No fucking way, he says. I want to tell him to wash his mouth out, but I
just wiggle some more and say, We can be the nurses, if you get wounded.
And I'm thinking, right, those invisible guns are going to do a lot of
harm. But I don't say it. I want to win, so I don't make fun of them.

Shit, Bobby, let them be the nurses, Jeffie says. So Bobby agrees. He
tells us the hospital will be under one of the trees and tells us to wait
there. So Darcy and I and Melanie go and sit under the tree and the boys
go on fighting their war, jumping out at one another from behind trees
and bushes, and we girls are just waiting, watching the stupid war. This
is really boring, Melanie says. Really, Darcy says.

Bobby, I whine, this is really boring.

Fucking shit, he says. He gives me a furious look that actually gets me
scared. He starts to come towards me and I don't know what he's planning
to do. So I kind of back up and I trip on Darcy a fall sort of into her
lap. And Bobby starts laughing, so then the other boys do too.

Okay, Bobby says, like an announcement. Okay, men, he says, somebody has
to get wounded.

Fuck that, Mike Kelley says. Bobby glares at him. Fuck that? he shouts,
like a question. He tries to say Insubordination and makes a mess of it.
Instub hord and ation, he says, or something like that, and he's trying
to sound tough like a captain but his voice is breaking because he's
twelve. So he turns red, really and truly turns red, and then he says,
Fuck it, I'll get wounded myself. Just give me a minute.

Sure, I say. The nurses are waiting though, and I flash him a smile for
some reason. He goes back to the war. He forgets to get wounded. This
sucks, Darcy says. So I call out his name, just once, sort of sing it
out, Bob-b-b-y!

Oh, yeah, he says and says to the other boys, Okay, men, I'm wounded. But
I'll be back. Keep up the good work, men. And he comes toward the trees.
I'm wounded, he tells us, Help. We get it, Darcy says.

I tell Bobby that I'm the head nurse. He nods. Cool with me, he says. I
tell him to come with me and we go a little way into the grove where
nobody can see us except Darcy and Melanie who are that near and I tell
him to lie down. You COULD act like you're wounded, I tell him. He groans
as if he's wounded. I look at the girls and wink to say, I'm winning.

Bobby lies on the grass and I ask him where he's wounded. You're the
fucking nurse, he says. Come on, Bobby, I say, just tell me. He points to
somewhere on his stomach. I begin to examine him. I press on his stomach.
Here?I ask. Sure, he says, why not?

He's starting to tee me off again so I say, No, I don't think so, and I
move my hand a little lower. I see that I'm tickling him. Am I getting
warmer, I say. And I move it a little lower again. Bobby just lies there
making little noises because I'm tickling him. But he just lies there.

Now, Carrie, I went and I did something I still can't believe. Bobby's
tee shirt was tucked into his jeans, you know, and suddenly I just tugged
it out and there was his naked belly and button. For a second I was
afraid he'd be teed and I just stood still. But he didn't do much of
anything. Squirmed maybe but that's all.

So I start pressing his stomach again but lower down and now on his bare
skin. Pressing just with a couple of fingers. And I press a little harder
and I let my fingers slip a little lower until they're right at the top
of his pants. I'm making myself a little nervous doing this, you know,
but I look up at Bobby's face and, Carrie, his eyes are closed and he has
a fun expression, sort of pained but happy too. I don't know. Some kind
of funny expression. And I just keep going. I don't let his pants stop
me. I push his jeans down a little. Just a little. It's fascinating.
Darcy and Melanie move closer and they're watching what I'm doing without
a peep. I'm really just staring at Bobby's belly and seeing my fingers
pressing it and I almost don't remember they're mine. I'm staring and
it's like another girl is doing this. Bobby has a little line of hair
going down from his belly button. I see my fingers running up and down
this line.

Hey, Bobby, one of the boys yells over, when are you getting out of the
hospital? Bobby jumps, like he's been asleep. He sort of barks back,
Soon, getting out soon. I lean my whole hand on his stomach and say like
a nurse, Not so soon, young fellow, you have a lot of recovering to do.
And Bobby says, I swear, Carrie, Bobby says, I know I do, it's okay.
There, there, I say, and I put my hand on his forehead and push down and
close his eyes for him. Then I go back to his belly.

Oh, God, Carrie. I look down there and I see like his pup, that's what my
brother calls his thing, his pup pushing up inside his pants. For a
minute I can't think of what to do. I really want to touch it but I'm too
scared. Finally I say, Bobby, we're going to have to get you out of this
shirt. And I ask Darcy to help me. Bobby lets us do it. He lifts himself
up on his elbows and then he lifts one arm and then the other and Darcy
has his shirt pulled off. Then she says, Why isn't anyone else getting
wounded? And Melanie says, Yeah, why? And what do you know, Jeffie
suddenly yells, I'm hit, oh God, I'm hit, help me, and Darcy goes running
and brings him back with his arm right across her shoulder like a
picture. And then Mikey bites the dust and Melanie has to go get him.
Things are really changing. Lots of casualties. The tide was turning,
whatever that means.

I want to put my fingers a little way, just a little way, into Bobby's
pants but I'm really afraid. So I ask him if it's okay. I mean I'm still
playing the game, so I say, I'm afraid the injury is lower down, Bobby.
Whatever, he says, really hoarse.

He's lying there and his shirt is lying there next to him and I see that
he's sweating, so I wipe his forehead with his shirt and then kind of
leave it there on his head covering his eyes. Then I just casually let my
hand slide down his body over one of his nipples and down his belly and I
take my time and make him squirm a lot. And when my hand gets to his
pants this time I just force it on under. But it doesn't go very far. His
pants are too tight and he's wearing a belt. What do I do, Carrie? I
really wish I had you there to say. I look around for Darcy and Melanie
and they each have a boy on the ground now too and they're pretty much
imitating me with Bobby but not quite. Darcy has Jeffie's shirt pulled up
and she's pretending to do some operation on him down near his
belly-button. He looks smooth as a baby. He's our age. He hasn't got that
line of hair Bobby has. Melanie has Mikey's shirt off too but she's got
her hand right where his penis is, Carrie, right there, I mean where it
would be if he didn't have his bluejeans on.

I hear Mikey whisper to Melanie, Don't let Bobby see, don't let Jeffie.
Bobby has a blindfold on, stupid, Melanie says, and Jeffie is having an
operation, and she laughs at her own joke. We girls look at one another.
The other two boys, Paulie and I think his name is Kevin, keep looking
over our way, craning their necks, and go on playing their dumb war game
which looks really stupid now that there are only two guys fighting the
war. Seeing them look so stupid out there makes me feel I'm smarter and
stronger and all of a sudden I have no more fear. I mean maybe a little.
But not enough to keep me from unbuckling Booby's belt and opening the
button on his pants. Then I shove my hand right down them. But like how
could I forget that boys wear underpants too? So my hand goes on top of
Bobby's shorts and that still makes him groan or something. Very slowly I
move down until there's no mistaking that I'm in his pants and just a
couple of fractions of an inch away from his penis.

Oh, Carrie, my mom just came in. Okay, I'll get back to you later. I'm
not really finished with my story yet. Not nearly.

end of part one
War Games, II

(adults only)

My mom just felt like passing the time with her favorite daughter. I
really wanted to get back to this letter so I didn't say a lot. Gee,
Rache, she says, you're kind of sullen today. I'm kind of sullen. Nice.
I'm sorry, mom, I said, I'm just writing to Caroline, okay? You really
miss her, don't you, my mom says. You bet, I say. My mom said you were a
nice girl and a wonderful friend and then she let me get back to writing
you. So where was I?

Right. In the last episode we had Bobby Brooks lying under a tree in the
park with Rachel Hammerstein's hand part way down his pants, and also
Darcy Bloom doing stuff to Jeffie Cheung and Melanie Chapman kind of
leaning on Mikey Kelley's penis area. Now Rachel decides it's time to
actually get a hold of Bobby's penis and that shouldn't be too hard
because his penis really is hard.

I couldn't believe I was doing it but with my other hand I unzipped
Bobby's pants and let my hand that was already in them just slide right
onto him. Bobby tried to say something but he sounded like he was
choking. I think he said Yes or something but I just thought it was funny
that all I had to do was move my hand a little and he wouldn't even be
able to talk. And I was still on top of his shorts remember.

Bobby, let's pull these down, I said and gave him a tap on the hip to get
him to lift himself up so I could pull down his jeans. Bobby lifted up
his behind right away, like he didn't even think about it. This was
making me so happy, Caroline, I can't even tell you. I pulled down his
pants and then he was there in his shorts which are those white kind like
panties but with a fly and a place for him to bulge. And he was bulging
all right. I had to just stare for a while. His penis area was really
stretched up and his underpants looked kind of like a woman's blouse if
you know what I mean. I stared and stared because I've never really seen
a boy, you know, like that.

Finally I put my hand right on Bobby. I push down on his penis area and,
God, the thing is really stiff. It's soft and stiff at the same time,
like rubber. Bobby doesn't complain one bit. Carrie, he was so into it it
was starting to make me worried. I'd be pressing his penis area down and
he'd start to push it back up. He'd be lifting his behind and really
pushing against my hand as if I wasn't doing it hard enough for him.

Okay, Bobby, I said, I'm going to move to a different position now. You
just stay like you are and I'm going to sit on your legs like twhere I
can see things better and do things. So I sit on his legs facing him. I
don't even think, am I too heavy. I don't even care. Bobby still has his
shirt over his eyes so he can't see how I'm smiling. I'm just feeling
incredibly great, Carrie. I do all kinds of things to Bobby. I tickle him
on the stomach and sides, I press down really hard with my fingers right
into the place above his shorts. I pull out a few of those hairs of his.
He says Ow! but he doesn't budge. I really start in on his penis. I bend
it every which way. It's such a funny feeling, like it's hard and not
hard, it's springy and sort of weird. It just doesn't feel like anything
else, that's all. I want Darcy and Melanie to feel it too but I'm afraid
to ask yet. I mean, I guess Jeffie and Mikey are okay but they're a lot
younger than Bobby and so can't be as big down there. Or have hair.

I look over and now Darcy has Jeffie's pants pulled down a little way and
Melanie's still where she was with Mikey. I wave and the girls wave back
sort of a Right on, go for it sign. Now, Bobby, I say, there's something
I have to do. You have to lie perfectly still no matter what, okay? Bobby
sort of moans. Okay, I say, I'm going to start to do it. He tries to lift
his head and it looks like he may be reaching for the shirt over his
eyes, so I slap his hand and say, Oh no, young man, none of that, do you
understand? Just lie completely still, get it? Bobby nods. Wow, Carrie.
Here goes, Bobby, I say, work with me. Then, believe it or not, I start
to pull Bobby's underpants down. I do it a little at a time in case he
freaks out. But he not only doesn't freak, he cooperates. Like lifts
himself and helps me when I need it. I go slow anyhow. It's kind of new
to me to be honest. Bobby has hair growing above where his penis sticks
out. I pull some it and th I really give it a yank. What I really want to
do is lift Bobby up by his hair. Somehow I get this across to him and
then, like his hair's a handle, I pull straight up and Bobby plays along
and shoves his behind up and it's like I'm lifting him. I can tell it
hurts him to have his hairs pulled like that but he goes along with me
anyway.

Bobby, are you ready now? I say. He knows what I mean. Do you know what I
mean, Carrie? I mean I'm going to pull down Bobby's underpants. I play
with them a while. I pull up the elastic waist and let it snap back at
Bobby. I do it harder and harder and the elastic makes a smacking sound
and Bobby jumps a little. Good boy, I tell him. What a good boy Bobby is.
He actually smiles like he's a little boy and I'm the teacher and
praising him. Okay, Bobby, it's time, I say and just like that I pull his
underpants down and his penis is out there and his little balls in their
bag. I leave his shorts right under Bobby's nuts because I like the way
they make them stand out.

To tell you the truth, Carrie, I'm glad I'm not a boy. I really feel
sorry for Bobby with these funny things attached to him that he can't
hide. His penis is kind of big and it's twitching around. I keep poking
it and it bounces here and there and then comes back where I can poke it
again. It's such a stupid thing to do but it doesn't take a lot. And it's
doing wild things to Bobby. Like he's a wreck from it. I'm just playing
around and he's a wreck. Making noises I can't even describe and
squirming. It doesn't take much I guess. So that's why I'm glad that I'm
a girl and not a boy. But I'm really learning things doing this. It's
what my mom calls a Learning Experience. I'm having one. And I think
Bobby may be having one too.

All I want to do is poke around on Bobby and see how his things work. I
kind of scoop his nuts up and roll them around and dig my finger into
them. They feel totally strange. Hard and bouncy like tiny squash balls.
I guess there's a reson they're called balls. They don't really feel like
nuts, you know. Bad Choice of Words. Groan. And inside and all around
them there's this stuff, just this lumpy stuff sticking out and you can
move absolutely everything around in there. It's so weird, Carrie, and
I'm so glad I don't have them and you don't either so I can tell you
about them. Then I squeeze them tight and they start to bulge, and I
don't think Bobby is liking this so much so I make a deep voice and say,
Lie still, Bobby, and take it like a soldier. And I look over and Darcy
and Melanie are breaking up. Also, Darcy has Jeffie's penis out now
through the fly in his underpants and she's wagging it around. But I can
hardly see it because her hand is hiding it and it's not that big, I mean
Jeffie's penis, but Darcy's hand also.

So Bobby tries to lie still and I'm getting into making it hard for him,
no pun intended. I squeeze his little sack tight and his nuts or balls or
whatever stand out and then I kind of snap my finger against them. Bobby
lets out such a yowl it makes me jump. Ow, shit, he yells, and everybody
stops what they're doing. I think I've broken his trance and there was
more I wanted to do, and I'm also afraid he's teed and is going to be a
tough boy again. Then something clicks in my brain and suddenly I'm fine,
I'm not afraid. Be strong, Bobby, I say, be tough, and I just snap my
finger the same way again and he does jump a little and let out a squeal
but that's all. He's really trying to be tough, but for me so that's not
so bad. I start to say, Good boy, then I think No, say Good man, then I
think No again, say Good boy. So I say Good boy, Bobby, my good little
boy and I wrap my hand around his penis and squeeze, and Bobby loves it.

I want to get a good look at Bobby's pup so I bend over and put my eyes
close to it and hold it between my fingers. I wish I had a magnifier. But
here's what it looks like. There's a long part at's fairly smooth and
it's got a dark border on the top. Then there's some lighter skin that's
also less smooth and more wrinkly. And this wrinkled skin has a tiny
flap, sort of, that connects to a big reddish rim that looks like what
happens when you roll up a sweater sleeve. It's kind of rolled up, I mean
it looks that way. And then there's the tip, which is round and has a
tiny slit on the very top. The whole penis looks totally like a
fire-hydrant with that cap on top. But I don't think that's how it's
supposed t look. I mean, I think they do something to it when boys are
still babies to give it that look. Wait here, Carrie.

Okay, I'm back. I just ran out to ask my mom what that thing they do to
boys is. She said she didn't know what I meant. Oh, come on, mom, I said,
I have to finish my letter to Carrie. You're writing about circumcision
to Carrie? she says. I shocked her into saying it. Circumcision. Why are
you writing about that to Carrie? mom asks. I tell her I was just joking.
But what is that thing anyhow, I ask. Well, honey, mom says, when a boy
is a very tiny baby they take a little bit of skin from his, ah. Mom
isn't sure what to call it. She's trying to sound like that Becoming A
Woman book. Oh, right, girls, there's nothing wrong with it, it's really
beautiful, wait till you get your monthlies kind of stuff. Mom is
struggling to say Penis. I try to be helpful. Pup, I say, like my kid
brother. Penis, mom finally says. They cut off a very tiny piece of skin
from his penis, she says. Why on earth, I ask her. It helps him keep it
clean when he grows up, mom says, and some people, Jews and Moslems, do
it for religion. For religion? I can't believe that. And mom can't
explain it either. I mean, if God wanted boys' penises to look like
fire-hydrants couldn't he have made them that way? Then mom says, Anyhow,
honey, it looks better. Then she realizes that's a weird thing to say to
a ten year old girlWhates it look like without the skin cut off, mom, I
ask. Wll, she says, you'd have to know what it looks like circumcised.
Oh, God, Carrie, what do I do? Just for instance, I say. Mom says it
looks like a hose sort of. I want to say, You mean instead of like a
hydrant, but I don't. I say, That doesn't sound very pretty, I mean a
hose coming out of a man's body. Then I get wicked and I say, You know,
mom, I'd rather have the hydrant than the hose. Mom gives me a funny
look. Someday, she starts to say, but I say, It's okay, mom, I can wait.

So now you know all about boys being circumcised. I'm really interested
in that. Imagine, you're walking down the street or you're in the
school-yard and all the boys are there playing tough and you and I know
that each and every one of them has something cut off of his penis. Don't
they think we know? Who are they fooling? Anyway, I start to run my
finger around and around the rim where Bobby was circumcised. I just keep
on doing it and he's squirming and making peeps and if he was in a trance
before he starts to look really hypnotized now. He's got this look on his
face like he's in another world. And I wish I knew how to tell you about
this, Carrie, but I'm sort of understanding what's happening to Bobby. He
is in another world. He's in my world, he's Rachel's boy with a penis
now, just there for me to play with. I feel this total power over him. I
joo and they see what's going on and Paulie says, Hey, I'm wounded too.
Right, Darcy says. Me too, Kevin chimes in, also wounded and he groans
like he's in pain and starts to open his pants.

Bobby, you have such a big dick, Mikey says. Look, he says and looks
around at everyone even though everyone's already looking. I'm a little
nervous, because I don't think Bobby's going to like people watching,
especially other boys. Then I have one of those thoughts, Who cares what
he likes, and I go on circling his rim and thumping his squash balls and
every so often I smack his penis. Now that everyone is watching I really
put it on. Like I'll snap my finger into Bobby's sack and look up at the
boys and they're standing there with their mouths wide open and when I
let my finger fly they all kind of cringe. Like they know what it feels
like. And I keep doing it and they keep cringing. Then I bend to take a
close look at Bobby's penis and there's some wet stuff, like a glob of
it, on the slit of his penis. I reach over and pull the shirt off of
Bobby's eyes. Open your eyes, Bobby, I say. He tries to but the light
gets to him. Keep trying, I say. Open wide. He does and he sees
everybody, boys too, just standing staring at what I'm doing. I keep my
finger going around his rim because I think that's what keeps him
hypnotized, but I get really rough with him with my other hand. I can
tell how I'm doing by how much Jeffie and Mikey and the other boys
cringe. They cringe a lot, believe me, Carrie, but Bobby just lies there
and takes it.

You're such a good boy, Bobby, I say. Isn't he, everyone? Oh, yes, the
girls say. The boys just look confused.

end of part two

"War Games," III

But we're all into what I'm doing to Bobby, the boys too. They're kind of
jealous and they're impressed with how big I'm making Bobby's penis.
That's what it's about, Carrie. It's his penis, but it's really mine or,
I mean, it really belongs to us girls because we make it move and the boy
can't help it. Everybody's just standing there watching and Bobby doesn't
even care. I mean it must be bad enough for him to be that way for a girl
without having boys seeing it too. But he just lets me go right on with
it. I keep running my finger around his rim, over and over and over again
really slow and he's so hypnotized it's ridiculous. He's really in a
mysterious trance. He makes little noises, sometimes like squeaking,
sometimes like groaning, and he squirms around. But he's just lying on
the grass naked with that wetness on his penis tip and letting me do it
and even the boys are watching and everyone's mouth is hanging open.
Jeffie still has his pants around his ankles and when I look up there's
Darcy running her hand up and down him, I mean right over his penis area
which is sticking out a little and it's like she doesn't even know she's
doing it. Everybody is in a trance I think. Not me though. I know what
I'm doing. I'm wide awake.

Or maybe not. Because all of a sudden we hear voices from the other side
of the trees and everybody freezes. Like we forgot we were even in the
park, you know? Jeffie quickly pulls his pants up. Everybody kind of
pulls themself together except Bobby and m. I decide to scare Bobby a
little, let him think strangers are going to come into the grove and see
us. But he doesn't care about it. It was unbelievable, Carrie. I mean, as
long as I kept playing with his penis he wasn't going to move no matter
what. He was like my slave. He just wanted me to do what I wanted and he
didn't care who saw. Or maybe he cared somewhere in his brain but
couldn't do anything about it. Like he was divided in two. He would have
run away except he couldn't move kind of thing. It all made me feel like
a magician but I'll get back to that.

Rache, we better stop, Darcy says. I knew she was right so I said, I
guess so, but then what? Then Paulie says, Kevin and me didn't get a
turn. Well there's only three of us, Darcy says. We could do more than
one at a time, I say, but where can we go? There's no one home at my
house, Melanie says, my mom works in the afternoon. So we decide we'll
all go to Melanie's. Bobby gets up and puts his clothes on but he's still
kind of dazed. When we start to leave the park I take his hand. Then I
grab Kevin's hand with my other one and Darcy takes Jeffie and Melanie
takes Mikey and then she grabs Paulie with her other hand and we all
march out except the boys don't seem so much like soldiers anymore.
They're sort of, I don't know, sort of sullen.

We're waiting to cross at the light and Gina, the sister of Pam Nardi who
they used to call Nerdy, comes along with another girl. They're thirteen
and look like real women with lipstick and bosoms and short skirts and
those sneakers with heels. Hi, Rache, whatcha up to? Gina says. Hi, Gina,
I say, we're just going over to Melanie's house and these boys are going
to take off their clothes. I squeeze Bobby's hand and look his way to see
his red face and him staring down. I love it, Carrie. I don't know what
made me blurt it out like that but I love it.

The funny thing is that Gina and her friend aren't shocked at all. Sounds
good, Gina's friend says. Would you like to come with us? I say. I'm sure
these boys would like to have girls with bosoms around. Raincheck, Gina
says. She's so cool. She just says Raincheck. Then she leans over and
whispers in my ear, Let 'em keep their socks on, doll, it'll really make
them know. I nod okay even though I don't even know. Then she says, Oh,
yeah, and don't let them cream too soon. I sort of get what she means.
Sort of. Maybe not. But the way she just whispers these things to me
makes me feel I'm a genuine woman too. Like it doesn't matter how old you
are. If you can do this stuff to boys you're up there with the women.
Still, it will be good to have a bosom, don't you think? Maybe not so
good to have some things though. We'll see, right?

We still have a couple blocks to Melanie's. And the boys are really
sullen by now, slowing down and stuff, and I'm afraid they won't want to
go along with it any more. We're all still holding hands but I can feel
Bobby pulling a little. I have to kind of drag him. All I can think of is
if I don't get him to Melanie's fast and put him under hypnosis again
right away he'll just pretend it never happened. And if Bobby takes off,
and this time I don't mean his clothes, then the other boys do too. I
whisper to Darcy these things I'm thinking. She whispers, Keep cool,
Rache, I have an idea. Then she says out loud, Wow, Bobby, you sure had
Rache working hard back there. Bobby sort of grunts, Oh, yeah, did I? You
sure did, Darcy says. Bobby shrugs his shoulders but makes a little
smile, like he's pleased that he made me work hard. I don't know what
Darcy thinks she's doing with this. Like I really wore myself out running
my finger around Bobby's penis. Phew, I'm so exhausted. So I'm getting
teed at Bobby and I'm about to at Darcy too, but then she says, You
really owe Rachel, you know, Bobby.

Then, and this is incredible, Carrie, Bobby says, Okay, like what? And he
starts to cheer up a little and he says, Maybe I do. God, Carrie. I
thought, Is this is a joke, but only for a minute because then he says,
like not to me but to Darcy, So what do I do about it? And Darcy says,
You do something really nice for Rache, maybe like carry her the rest of
the way to Melanie's. I mean, you're strong enough to carry little Rachel.
I start to say, Wait a minute, but I get what Darcy's doing so I say,
Good idea, Darce, and then to Bobby, You are a big boy, you know, and
that makes everybody laugh because I'm so not a giant they all think,
What boy isn't big to you, Rache?

Okay, Bobby, Darcy says, get down on your knees and let Rachel climb on
board. Bobby looks around. His friends are grinning. This'll be good,
Mikey says. Kevin is really into it because he just wants to get going
because he hasn't even shown anyone his penis yet. He feels like he's
been cheated or something. So he starts in praising Bobby, like he's
completely on our side and I know it's because he wants us to think he's
like the Good Kid at school, you know the kid that always agrees with the
teacher. But he still wants to sound like a boy too, so he says, Shit,
Bobby, like you can say anything if you say Shit first, Shit, Bobby, you
really are strong. Yeah, and you have the biggest Dick, Mikey says. You
can shut up about my dick already, Bobby says. Well it's bigger than mine
anyhow, Mikey says. Bigger than mine too, Darcy says, which was so smart,
so why don't you all shut up and let Bobby do his job. Dude, Paulie says.
He's sort of an idiot.

So I'm getting ready to climb up on Bobby and he's kind of crouching and
kneeling there and I'm nervous about it but I see its having a good
effect on him and all the boys, and the girls too for that matter, so I
want to do it. I'd just feel a lot better if I understood exactly what
was with the boys, like how they go from No girls, fucking ank you, to We
just want to take our clothes off and be your slaves. Like we've got some
kind of power but we don't know why exactly. I mean sure, it has to do
with the fact that they have penises and we don't, and I'm really totally
glad I don't, but is that all there is to it? It's like penises make boys
do things maybe they don't want to, like penises control the boys and
girls control the penises so girls control the boys. It must just be how
everybody is made. But it's weird that boys can do things and they don't
know why. It's a little scarey at first because you don't know how far
you can go with the boy. But it's fun too just pushing him and pushing
him. I keep thinking about this, Carrie, and it isn't like I can ask my
mom about it even if she is a woman and probably knows. Sometimes I stop
and think, God, my dad and mom and everybody else's dad and mom, the same
thing must be happening all over town. Dads being slaves to moms. Do you
think? Maybe they keep it secret from us kids but we should just keep
looking for clues.

Anyway I'm about to climb onto Bobby, and I really don't want to but I
also do want to see about this power I'm telling you about. I'm trying to
figure out how to climb him, and I also just want to push him any way I
can so I say, Take off your shirt first, Bobby. Why? he says. Boys don't
ask why, I say, they just do it. So he does it, Carrie, that's what I
mean. He doesn't even want to but he does it. Darcy takes the shirt from
him. Learn a lesson from this if you haven't learned it already out there
in Seattle. If you just expect it boys just do it. That was the big
Learning Experience I was having. Boys are like nothing. They're like
optical illusions, you know? They might look big, but they're actually
only a few inches long, if you get what I mean. WE scare THEM, Carrie.

I was starting to see how that is so true. Because when I finally got up
on Bobby's shoulders and he started to stand up I had to tell him to hold
on to my legs so I wouldn't fall. I was wearing shorts and I could just
feel how afraid Bobby was to hold on to my legs. Like he wouldn't get a
grip and this wasn't funny because he's a pretty tall kid and anyway it
seemed high up to me. Bobby, you have to hold on to me you know, I said.
And he tries to hold me as far down my legs as he can, like at my ankles.
Great, I feel really safe. Higher, I say, what are you afraid of? I'm not
afraid, he says, and moves his hands up to my shins. But I can feel how
he's afraid and won't just hold on. He's afraid, Carrie, just to touch a
girl's les, do you see? Like it's too much for him. I know that's what's
going on in his brain. Oh, God, he's thinking, there's this girl and
she's actually sitting piggy-back on me and I have to put my hands on her
girl legs. I'm sure he's thinking, Girl legs, girl legs, oh my God. It's
making him crazy and I can feel it and I can feel him shaking a little
while I ride him.

It doesn't matter if I had him totally naked. My legs which I'm not
hiding anyway scare the hell out of him. I know I keep saying it, but I
can't help it, it was so unbelievable to realize it that boys are just
plain afraid of girls. This is so great to know. So I'm riding piggy-back
on Bobby and he's doing okay with it and I feel him rolling along under
me and I think it's like being on a camel. Then I think, No, it's like
being on a boy, that's all. I keep thinking about it, Carrie, since that
day. Underneath it all there's just the fact that he's a boy and I'm a
girl and that's why I'm up on his shoulders and he's trotting down the
street like a rickshaw man. If I asked Bobby if he was having a good
time, I don't even think he could say one way or the other. I mean can
you ever imagine it being the other way around, where the girl has to
do whatever the boy wants just because touches her in a certain place and
that makes her go into a trance? Boys can scare girls, yes, but they
can't hypnotize them. That's a gigantic difference. I think I'm right
about this.

Bobby works up a sweat going the few blocks to Melanie's house. I don't
like the way he's getting to smell so I think, Maybe when we get to
Melanie's we can wash him down. I ask Mel if her parents have a garden
hose and she says, Sure, why? Time for that, I say. Oh, oh, Bobby, Jeffie
says, I think you're in for it. Maybe you're all in for it, Darcy says.
That's my house there, Melanie says. Bobby trots righ up to the front
door and then just stands there with me on his shoulders. I'm happy to
see that the Chapmans have a nice tall fence all around their property.
Let's go around back, can we, Mel? I say. She says Sure. So we all go and
I'm still on Bobby's shoulders.

What's up, Rache? Darcy says. I like it up here, I say, but my poor camel
is so hot and sweaty from carrying me, right camel? I say and kind of
kick Bobby's side so he'll answer. He says, Yes. Not Yeah, Carrie, the
way boys do, but Yes, the way boys do in school. Neat. So I need somebody
to take Bobby's pants off, any volunteers? I say. Me, Kevin says right
away. I was thinking a girl, I say. How about it, Darce, Mel, how about
undressing Bobby for me. I'd do it myself, but I'm not into coming down
just yet, okay? Darcy says it'll take all three of them anyway unless I
want Bobby to drop me. Cool, I say, all three is fine. So Darcy tells
Kevin to take off Bobby's shoes while they hold him and me steady. But
leave the socks, I say, just remember that. The girls give me a funny
look. That way he'll know, I tell them. Know what? Darcy says. Come on,
Darce, just undress him already. Bobby isn't sure he wants this and
Kevin s to force him to lift his foot so he can get his sneaker off.
Darcy and Melanie are holding him around the middle and Darcy just
brushes her hand on his penis area and says like she's giving me a
report, Hard, Rache, real hard. Do you want me to pull down his pants?
I'm about to say Sure when I get this evil idea. No, I say, I want Kevin
to. No way, Kevin says, I mean I'm, like, a boy. Not a lot like a boy,
Darcy says, if you can't even pull down Bobby's pants.

So Kevin starts to open up Bobby's jeans and says, Don't be pissed at me,
Bobby, come on. Bobby doesn't say anything, but Melanie says, Bobby has
his eyes closed, Rachel. Not allowed, I say. So I take my fingers and
reach over Bobby's head and force his eyes open and just keep them that
way. I'm feeling a little sorry for Bobby because he doesn't want this to
happen and he doesn't want it to stop either, and he's so afraid of how
he's going to feel later and all his friends know about it too. So I
whisper something to him, I say, Oh, Bobby, remember how nice you felt in
the park and I'm going to let you feel nice again, okay? Bobby nods a few
times like he's just seeing the bright side of things.
Kevin is taking forever getting Bobby's pants undone. I mean he's a boy
too, you'd think he'd know how to take off another boy's pants. So I look
down to see what's taking so long and I see that Kevin is trying to pull
down Bobby's zipper without somehow touching his penis. So I say, Kevin,
don't you know what a penis feels like. I mean, you should know more
about it than I do. But it's, it's, he's got a hard-on, Kevin says.

I can feel Bobby wanting to close his eyes but I don't let him. His
cheeks are wet too, but maybe from sweat and not crying. I hope it's from
crying, to be honest. The girls have to take over undressing him and
they're pretty fast at it. There I am looking straight down Bobby
Brooks's body from high up onhis shoulders and he's totally naked. I'm
the only thing he's wearing except for his socks. Bobby, I say, run
around the yard. What? he says. Just trot around the yard and work up a
sweat carrying me, I say. He does it, Carrie. I mean, he doesn't say, Oh,
cool, I was afraid you wouldn't ask, or anything. But he doesn't say No.
Bobby is kind of confused but as long as he obeys me what do I care? I'm
trying to figure out what he's feeling, what I'd be feeling. But then I
remember, Oops, GIRL, Rache. No penis, no trance, can't be done. So I
stop trying to feel it his way. After Bobby runs around a few times I
tell him it's time to put me down. Mel, hook up the hose, I say.

Bobby has to lower himself very slowly. He gets into a crouch and I tell
him to kneel and when he does I jump off. Mel gives me the hose and
everybody stands still. On your feet, soldier, I say and poor naked Bobby
gets up. Mel's parents have a wooden bench out there and I tell Bobby to
get up on it. Attention, I shout and I open the hose and start spraying
him. It's a strong blast of water and I aim it at Bobby's face and then
at his penis and when I do that he doubles over. No way, Bobby, I say and
I drop the hose and walk right up to him and give his penis which is
right at my eye level a good slap. It's not totally big and hard but you
can hear my hand smack across it and the wetness makes it sound pretty
loud. Bobby goes Hey or something. Bad boy, I say, bad boy. I slap his
penis again and Bobby looks like he's going to cry. Th I say, Okay, I
need two boys to volunteer to hold Bobby while I wash him down, and you
get to take your clothes off too if you do. Kevin and Paulie jump up and
down and say Me, I want to, me. Jeffie says, No fair and Darcy says, Why
not? So I tell Kevin and Paulie to take off all their clothes except
their socks and put them in the pile with Bobby's. And they're hurrying
to do it like it's the best thing that ever happened to them. Meanwhile
Bobby is just standing on the bench looking confused and maybe sad but
his penis is also sticking up somewhat. I think I should make him feel
better so I say, Come on, Bobby, just relax. Remember what I promised.

Kevin and Paulie are naked too now. Paulie has a bigger penis than any of
the boys except Bobby. He's more developed even though he's their age. He
has some hair around it, not a lot, but some. Nobody's even touched him
yet and he's big and hard. Just from being naked. He looks so happy about
it, he kind of struts around sticking his belly out in front of every
girl, especially Melanie. Cut that out, she says. Paulie laughs. You like
it, don't you? he says. Like what, for God's sake? Melanie says. It's
just another silly dick, they're a dime a dozen you know. I can't believe
it's Melanie saying this. It must be because we're at her house. Darcy
who's so good in arithmetic says, So that means we have like four and one
sixth cents worth of dicks here with us today. That sounds about right.
Given the inflation, I say. The girls are all laughing it up and Paulie
stands there grinning like he's enjoying it too but you can see on his
face that he doesn't know what Darcy's talking about. But he's just as
big and hard as ever and just as proud about it. Wipe that stupid grin
off your face, Melanie says and slaps his penis the way she saw me slap
Bobby's, a real hard slap. Oh, God, oh, God, Paulie starts in, that's so
great, that's so cool, oh, God, please do it again. Melanie can't believe
her ears. Are you crazy? she says. Like I just slapped you so totally
hard. Yeah, Paulie says, I never felt anything like it. It was so great.
Oh, please, Mel, do it again.

I'm wondering if this is some dumb trick Paulie's playing, like in the
tar-baby story. What are you doing, Paulie? I say. Come on, Rachel, come
on, Darcy, I never felt anything so good in all my life. Tell her to do
it again. I'm getting really teed at Paulie for this stupid scene.
Meanwhile Bobby is standing up on the bench dripping water and looking
like he's not going to wait for me much longer. I think, Melanie probably
didn't really give it to Paulie so I walk up to him and give his rubbery
penis the biggest slap I can. He says, Oh, God, thank you, Rachel. More
please. This is too crazy, Carrie. Stop it, Paulie, I say. No, I mean it,
he says, I'll do anything, I beg you. Please girls, just do it to me.
He's hysterical. So now Darcy comes and swats him and he goes into fits
over that, so then Melanie takes a turn and then I do. We girls look at
each other and dn't say anything but silently we're saying, Can you
believe it?

This goes on for few minutes, not a lot of time. I keep looking over at
Bobby. He's still on the bench kind of shifting from foot to foot and
trying to see what we're doing, because Paulie's back is turned to him. I
get the idea Bobby doesn't like it that Paulie has a developed penis too.
This makes me happy and then I don't mind making Bobby jealous, so I give
Paulie another swat and the other girls do too, and we do it a few more
times each maybe and all of a sudden Paulie screams, Oh, God, and stuff
comes shooting out of his penis. Darcy and Melanie and I have to jump out
of the way. Paulie just keeps spurting his stuff and it sort of sails
across the yard. Some lands on some flagstone and I can see it's white
and gooey. Sperm, Carrie. Little dumb Paulie's little dumb nuts made a
whole bunch of sperm. It was unbelievable. And Paulie was so happy about
it. Whew, he said when he was done squirting. That was so great, girls,
thank you, you were really nice to do that. He was just plain grateful,
Carrie. Even now when he was through he was still grateful. It made me
kind of like him. It's okay, Paulie, I said, glad we could be of help.
You were so great, he said again.

I heard Bobby saying something. He was saying, Hey. He looked like he was
going to jump down from the bench. Boys don't shout Hey, I said. I
grabbed up the hose and ran over to him and turned it on full blast. Stay
up there, Bobby, I said, and I just stood there watching him dance.

end of part three

"War Games," IV/4

(adults only)

So I'm really into hosing Bobby down and he's up on the bench and I come
in really close and aim the water full blast up at him and it's knocking
his penis all over the place, it's like a surfboard the way it's bouncing
around, and his squash balls are jiggling but kind of small and tight.
The other kids were watching and Bobby was jumping around a little,
saying the water was like needles, and making other noises or saying
things I couldn't understand. You have to be quiet now, Bobby, I said,
for no good reason whatsoever, just to boss him around a little. Actually
I liked him making noises. It made him seem like a squealing helpless
thing. But I said, Total silence now, Bobby, do you understand. I
wouldn't have been surprised if he just said, Fuck you, Rachel. I mean, I
could just tell he was having a fight inside himself about this. But what
he said was, Okay, Rachel. I'm the boss, right, Bobby? I said. I guess,
he said. I stopped the hose for a second and Bobby's penis was sticking
straight out, so I said, I don't think it's a matter of guessing, do you?

I was giving Bobby a really hard time. It's hard to explain, Carrie,
because I was feeling sorry for him too, having to be embarrassed so much
in front of his boy friends as well as us girls. I guess I was divided
inside. I wanted to make Bobby feel better, but I also wanted to make him
feel worse. I wanted him to like what was going on, but I also wanted him
to feel like my prisoner. I wanted him to feel he had no way out and no
excuse later for what everybody saw. He liked to be so tough and nasty
and now I wanted him to remember that everybody saw what any girl
whatsoever could do to him.

Sometimes Bobby looked so upset I couldn't tell whether he was going to
stay put or jump off the bench and run for his clothes and bring the
whole day to an end. I don't really think Bobby could tell either. I mean
from one second to the next he was looking happy and awful. Part of him
liked being naked for girls and having us play with him and even having
me run the hose all over him. And part of him didn't think it was
something he should like because it made him feel like I was controlling
him and a girl shouldn't be controlling a boy. But I was, Carrie, I was
controlling him. I felt myself doing it and I liked the feeling too. And
let's not forget, the hose was kind of hurting him too. But the part
that's hard to understand isn't the part about me liking it and feeling
great that I'm a girl. It's Bobby liking it, and Paulie and Jeffie and
all the boys liking it even when a girl makes them do stupid things or
hurts them a little. I mean can you imagine, Carrie, having a piece of
you slapped around the way Darcy and Melanie and I were slapping Paulie's
penis and saying it was the greatest thing you ever felt and begging and
thanking the people who slapped you for it?

Carrie, penises make boys weird. That's all I know about it. I don't
think we girls really get what the story is with them. I mean, wouldn't
we be weird too if we had things just hanging there for all to see and
touch, not bosoms I mean, not nice round things we could be proud of, but
little things that got hard and made our clothes stick out whenever a boy
touched us or even walked by us, and other little things that just
dangled there in a silly little bag that just said to boys, Squeeze me
please? Wouldn't we, Carrie? It's hard to imagine being made like that. I
mean, in a way where you liked something to happen and didn't like it at
the same time or didn't think you should like it because, Oh, wow, you're
a BOY and she's just a helpless little girl with long hair who wears a
dress, Ugh. Where you couldn't like something, you know, like having your
penis touched by a girl, without thinking, Oh my God, she has me in her
magical power, what do I do now? Know what I mean? I bet you don't,
Carrie, because I don't even know what I mean. That's what I mean (Ha,
ha), that we just won't ever get it. But it's definitely because they
have penises that we can see and touch and get hard and little squash
balls that we can really and truly squash. And the thing is that they
want us to even if they also don't want us to. Their penis is like a bad
friend who goes and joins the other side the minute he gets a chance.
Like it's saying, I'm Bobby's penis, yeah, but I'm really with you and I
can tell you how to get to him so he'll have to do whatever you say. Then
he goes back and tells Bobby, I thought I was doing you a favor, sorry.
And Bobby says, That's okay, I forgive you, we're still friends, even if
afterwards he's thinking, Why did I make up with him? But a boy can't
even think Why did I make up? because the friend is attached to his body
in the first place. Maybe the boy is thinking, He's not a great frien,
but I need him for when I have to pee.

Paulie was still getting over his Great Experience with being slapped and
shooting his semen. He was an idiot but you had to love him for being so
thankful. That's how boys should be. Paulie was kind of marching all arod
the yard like he was saying Look at me, did you see what I d? Ground
control to Paulie, Darcy said, come in Paulie, come in Paulie. What?
Paulie said. Like weren't you supposed to be helping Rachel take care of
Bobby? Weren't you, and you too, Kevin? So the boys say Sure, what do you
want us to do, Rache? They didn't even care what Bobby thought about it
anymore.

Okay, come over and each you grab one of Bobby's legs and just pull them
apart, I said, just stretch the boy out for me so I can get the hose
nozzle up under him. Paulie and Kevin come right over and grab Bobby's
legs above the knees. They grab him like they're holding on to big
pillars and they tug Bobby's legs apart. He gives them some trouble about
it, I mean doesn't just move the way they're trying to get him to, like,
wow, he's taking a stand all of sudden, like this is really the time to
put up a fight when he doesn't even have boys on his side anymore.

Okay Mikey, okay, Jeffie, I call out, because I don't want Bobby to think
he has any soldiers left under his command. Get over here right now and
be naked when you do. Put your clothes in the boy clothes pile. God,
Carrie, they just do it like I'm the principal or something. Out of the
corner of my eye I see Darcy jumbling up the pile of clothes. It's just a
big mess of blue jeans and tee shirts and underpants. Mikey and Jeffie
run over to me and they're totally naked and Jeffie's little penis is
hard and he says, Is this okay, Rachel? I guess, I said, but did I say
you could have your penis hard? Come on, Jeffie says, I can't help it,
you know that. It just happens. Would you like us to make it unhappen? I
say and I raise my free hand as if I'm going to slap him.

Let her, Jeffie, let her, Paulie starts in, it's the greatest feeling if
you just let them do it. Yeah, but I don't, you know, I don't squirt
stuff, Jeffie says, not yet. I don't either, Mikey chimes in, yet. I wish
I did, but anyhow I don't. So what happens when you keep playing with it?
Paulie says. Boys, I say, if you don't mind, I believe you have orders to
follow. Sure, sure, Paulie says. Mikey and Jeffie, help out here, I say.
Get up on the table behind Bobby and kind of pull him back, bend him. So
they climb up on the picnic table and Mikey puts his arms under Bobby's
arms and wraps them around his chest and Jeffie takes hold of Bobby's
dangling arms and pulls them behind Bobby's back. There's just a tangle
of boys, just a bunch of naked boys totally twisted around one another
and you couldn't be really sure who was who or whose arm you were looking
at and you didn't really care. I was just going to hose them all down.

But Jeffie and Mikey and Paulie go on talking. Even though it wasn't that
easy to hold on to Bobby and bend him back the way I wanted, and they
were panting from it, they went on talking and it was so funny I didn't
even want to stop them. Melanie and Darcy were breaking up over the dumb
boy talk all about whether their penises squirted stuff yet or not.

So you're saying nothing comes out when you play with yourself, Paulie is
asking and then to be, like, mischievous he says, Did you hear that,
Bobby, and he actually reaches up and gives Bobby's penis a little slap.
Bobby tries to pull away but all those boys have the better of him. I
decide to give them all a warning so I let a real burst of water go on
Paulie and Kevin and all of them. They just hoot about it and start to
laugh. Okay, Rachel, okay, we apologize.

So does, like, anything happen when you do it? Paulie is asking. What do
you mean, Anything? Mikey says. I mean, sure, I get that tickle, you
know. Yeah, but do you get an Orgasm? Darcy asks in this sort of annoyed
tone. I can't believe she said that. I guess, Mikey says. Sure I do. Like
do you jump around and stuff? Paulie asks. Oh, sure, a lot, I jump around
a lot. While they're going on like this, I'm hosing away. They're holding
Bobby still and they have his legs as wide as they can go, incredibly
wide, and I just take the hose and stick it right behind his balls and
spray them from behind and then up his crack and then bring it around and
spray right on top of his penis which is totally hard and big and then
right up into his face. And Bobby is wriggling like crazy but he can't
get away.

Darcy says, I'm sorry, Mikey, but I don't believe you. And then she says
she thinks I've gotten the boys clean enough, why don't we turn off the
hose. So I do and they just all stay there dripping and I tell them they
can let Bobby go. When they do poor Bobby is so dizzy that he falls off
the bench but before he gets up I tell him to stay down and lie on his
back. Then I go right up to him and put my foot on him, I plant my
sneaker just in the hair over his penis. I do it lightly at first and
then I realize he's groaning in that trance way of his so I put more
weight on it and then still more. Then I slide my foot lower and lower
until it's right on his penis and I press his penis into his nuts, kind
of hard, Carrie, and good old Bobby just keeps on groaning in his
hypnotic trance. I mean, that had to hurt. But Bobby is helpless again.
Say you're my slave, Bobby, I say, really yell it. He does, he yells I'm
your slave, Rachel, so to reward him I slide my foot over his penis once
or twice and he squirms and squeaks. So I make him say he's Darcy's slave
and Melanie's too. And each time he does, I slide my foot over him. But
his penis is hard to keep in place so I tell Mikey to get down next to
Bobby and hold Bobby's penis still while I scrape my shoe over it. Bobby
is so hard and no matter how hard I scrape he just stays that way and
maybe even gets bigger.

Then I say, while Mikey's down there holding Bobby for me, Okay, Bobby,
I'm going to do, oh, fifteen more of these and then, whatever, that's the
end, and I want you to count. So I start slowly brushing the bottom of my
shoe over Bobby's penis and he counts each time. I look down and he's
shivering and his toes are wriggling. Mikey's holding him with just a few
fingers. I could never imagine anyone touching a private place on me with
a shoe that's been everywhere. I'm thinking how pitiful a boy like Bobby
really is and all the same I'm feeling less and less pity for him. He's
counting out like twelve, thirteen, fourteen and at fifteen I scrape
really hard and just let all my weight down on Bobby's penis and squash
balls and he shouts and at first I think it's pain but no, he's spurting
his stuff too. When he's finished sperming he says, Thank you, Rachel, in
a really quiet little voice, and then he looks as if he's trying to find
a way to roll over and hide, but what can he do? He can't get comfortable
down there in the grass in Melanie's backyard. So he just closes his eyes
and kind of curls up.

See, Carrie, I get the feeling boys feel funny about it after they sperm
like that, I mean especially if they've gone ahead and said the things
you make them say and let you step all over them too. They start to feel
sorry about it and they don't know what went wrong to make them give in
to you like that. I mean, maybe Paulie didn't get that way, buy Bobby did
and I think boys just do, most of them, even if I canUt prove it.

When I was all finished with Bobby and he was lying on the grass like a
lump trying to hide from everybody, Darcy kind of challenged Mikey to
prove that he really did have those orgasms (see, now I can use the word
too) that he said he did. So she made him lie down right on the picnic
table, which was a great idea, and just do things to himself. He got hard
all right but not very big and it wasn't so interesting to watch him, not
after what we saw happen to Paulie and Bobby. But Darcy wanted to give
him trouble. So Mikey's rubbing himself and twisting his penis around a
lot, and finally he says, Okay, I can't, okay? Didn't think so, Darcy
says and we all break up, I mean we girls and maybe Paulie.

Anyone else? Darcy says. Me, Jeffie says, but only if you'll do it to me,
Darcy. Darcy thinks about it. Do you shoot stuff? she says. I think a
little, Jeffie says. Sometimes anyway. Darcy thinks some more. She can't
decide. Then, all of a sudden, Melanie says, Oh, my God, it's so late, I
mean my mom will be home soon. Shit, Kevin says, and Bobby says Shit too
even though he's still kind of huddled up on the ground. He starts moving
around but he's really a wreck. I mean, like in half an hour, Melanie
says. Shit, Bobby, we'd better get dressed, huh? Paulie says, as if he
still isn't sure whether he has to and wants somebody else's opinion
about it, like maybe Melanie's mom really won't mind seeing a bunch of
naked boys with hard little penises put in her yard.

Did you say half an hour, Darcy said. Just about, Melanie said, maybe a
little more if she stops at the store. Okay, boys, Darcy said, we have a
lot of stuff to finish and we can't today because Melanie's mom is
coming, so we'll have to take a raincheck. I guess she picked up that
word from Gina Nardi. So here's my plan for that, Darcy says, and then
she asks Melanie if there's a really dark roller ball pen in house.
Melanie says Of course and Darcy says, Go get it, girl-friend, like she's
all of a sudden on a sitcom. I'm getting an idea of what Darcy has in
mind and it's wicked, Carrie. Darcy is so wicked. So Melanie is back
right away and Darcy takes the pen and she says, Boys, Rachel and Melanie
and me, we want you to remember the nice time you had with us today and
we don't want to waste any time next time we see you arguing about who
gets to play. WE GIRLS get to play with you, right? The boys nodded or
grunted or whatever. Bobby was still down there but sitting up at least,
and he nodded or grunted too. You're totally our toys now, boys, Darcy
said. I don't think I have to spell this out, do I boys. I could hear how
Darcy was just fooling around doing an imitation of Mrs. Lansing the
assistant principal, you remember her, Carrie, the one who always says, I
don't think I have to spell this out?

God, Darcy, hurry, Melanie said. I mean they don't even have their
clothes on and my mom and all. Yes, okay, so, young men, we're going to
give you a great honor by putting our precious autographs on you and that
way you'll remember every time you look at your penises how you spent the
day playing war, ha, ha. Wow, Paulie said, that's so cool, wow. Then
Darcy told all the boys to get up on the picnic table right next to one
another and just sit there. Even Bobby had to climb up and he did it too
without complaining. Carrie, this is so incredible, I so wish you could
have been part of it and I hope something like this will happen to you in
Seattle unless it already has. Would you tell me?

So Darcy calls me and Melanie to come closer and we have to w we're going
to write our names on the boys' penises. Try to make yourselves big and
hard, Darcy told the boys. Then we girls huddled about it, like do we
write just first names, or full names, or first names and last initials,
or what? I mean Rachel Hammerstein's a big name if you have to put two
others on a ten year old's penis. So finally we decide on first names and
initials, two names on the top of the penis, one on the underneath. Okay,
boys, Darcy says, get ready. Some boys were hard and some not. It'll be
fun next time, Darcy tells them, to see our names stretch out when you
get big, like a rubber band with writing on it. Then she goes and writes
Darcy B. on all five penises. It's like having your cast signed when you
break your arm, Paulie says, and he thinks it's the greatest thing. Of
course. The writing tickles some of the boys and they squirm and Darcy
has to give them a slap. Don't you want it to be in beautiful penmanship,
she says, so stay still. Then it's my turn and then it's Melanie's, and
the boys really look totally hilarious when it's all over and we make
them stand and there are these girls' names in big black letters on their
penises. And we made them hold their penises up and show the underneath
part and all five of them said Melanie C. in truly beautiful lettering
and Melanie drew a little smiling face that looked like her next to her
name. She took the time even though she was getting scared about her
mother coming.

But then when she was done she started hurrying us up again. Get dressed,
for God's sake, boys, she said. Darcy and I were having a ball, Carrie,
because all their clothes were in one messy pile, and you know what boys
wear, I mean they all wear the same things sort of, so there's this pile
of stuff that all looks the same and the boys are having a hard time
picking out their own clothes. They keep putting on the wrong things,
like the wrong underpants, like it makes a big difference. But they can
tell, and they keep pulling at clothes and tripping and arguing, and the
whole time their behinds are sticking up because they're bending over the
pile of clothes. Melanie was starting to lose it and kept saying, Oh,
God, hurry, hurry, please. And now there's just one big pile made up of
boys and clothes together.

But it was okay. It took them a pretty long time, but the boys sorted out
their clothes and got into them before Mel's mom pulled in. They were
still tying their sneakers when she appeared, but it didn't look like she
saw anything funny about it. Hi, kids, Mrs Chapman said. Everyone said Hi
and then Melanie said, Okay, boys, good-bye. It was really fun playing
war with you, okay? The boys said Sure, right, okay, and stuff like that
and then took off. I mean, they kind of ran away.

War? Mrs. Chapman said. What kind of game is that for girls to play?

And that's the news, Caroline, and this is probably the longest letter
anybody ever wrote.

Love,
Rachel