Sayings
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Sayings
1) My first wife and I divorced over religious
differences. She thought she was God and I didn't!
2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every
minute of it.
3) I used to work Hard Because Millions On
Welfare Depend on Me!
4) Some people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it
broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't
get out alive.
7) You're just jealous because the voices only
talk to me.
8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many
is research.
11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are
missing.
12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13) NyQuil - The stuffy, Sneezy, why is the
room spinning-medicine.
14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in
his car.
15) God must love stupid people. He made so
many.
16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE
out to get you.
18) I took an IQ test and the results were
negative.
19) Consciousness: that annoying time between
naps.
20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start
again?
21) MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three
Mile Island cleanup team.
22) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen
on Cape Cod)
23) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted
to Be When I Grew Up
24) Procrastinate Now
25) Rehab Is for Quitters
26) My Dog Can Lick Anyone
27) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You
Want Fries with That?
28) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble
a bit.
29) Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last
names
30) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled
with the software.
31) MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT
32) A hangover is the wrath of grapes
33) A journey of a thousand miles begins with
a cash advance
34) DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music
35) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease
was already taken
36) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
dead
37) Time's fun when you're having flies...Kermit
the Frog
38) FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped
once.
39) HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE
IN GOSH
40) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but
it uses up a thousand times the memory.
41) The Meek shall inherit the earth, after
we're through with it.
42) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like
a banana.
43) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken,
a lifetime commitment for a pig.
44) The trouble with life is there's no background
music.
45) The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.