Mancafpmeet, the definitive report.(long)
AFPSaint Mary Capel
The One in Which Mart Got Outrageous :-)
Sc1 Int Pub (moon under water)
Present are Saint Mary D'afp (heretofore known as Mary) Nick (Nick)
and
Stuart Nearly Divorced (stu)
Burgers are consumed after business with irate waitress.(stilton
cheeseburgers....AAAAAGGHHHH ! orgasm!)
and conversation turns to many things whilst the arrival of more
afpers is
eagerly awaited.
Mary disappears off to the toilet for what we thought must have been a
remarkably Exuberant w**k. We were wrong
Stu looks up.
His face registering an incandescent vision : Mary in a T shirt
printed with
a legend....
" The Slutch Puppies
With Stu Harvie"
Mary twirls, the vision revealing itself in three dimensions, (and
real
life ) and Tour dates printed on the Back.
His Heart Breaks, " I have a fan " he dribbles incoherently. and
pitches
quietly forwards into his empty plate.
Mary's Phone rings....The waitress grabs Stus hair, and bouncing his
head off
the table, removes his plate.
Mary: Hello...we're upstairs. yes we are. honestly.
the gang of three are discovered by Shadow (Chris) Mart (Mr
Outrageous)
Homicide, and Dooferlad.
Beer is leased, consumed and recycled.
Mart gets out the Pictures......
Money Changes hands.
Stu begs for one in particular offering Mart a deal of Faustian
Proportions.
....and a deal is struck.
Mart and his acolytes remove to the signing.To return later......
Mary sings forth....The Sofas! so we go, carrying all our worldlys and
some
otherwordlys..to the top of the stairs, where
there is a Chesterfield and Squireley armchairs. We feel truly
genteel, but
for the filth spilling forth from the mouth of Stu.
The Signing contingent return.and hogs exchanged.(or should that be
hugs...?)
More People arrive and are welcomed,
Alex (who's Hair is tousled)
Alex's Friends , a gothy type and his lady friend.
Jo A splendid Lady from Stockton , who didn't stay long...wonder who
upset her
[at this point I have to point out that Doofer decided, that Stu,
having gone home and returned needed a REAL drink, constructed a Big
Purple thing: Part Cider, Part Lager, Mostly Vodka....and all Satan's
work with a bit of Blackcurrant for luck. The reason I point this out
is that at this point this correspondent's Memory becomes unreliable,
and Mary is called upon to fill in...Ooooer]
Jon Ellis ...(yes, indeed....)
Peter Ellis! Stu's first meeting with this fine old Master.
A Legend in his own lifetime, this fine studier of rodent sperm
arrived and disappeared in a cloud of Mary Hug.( an awe inspiring
sight) and emerged with a pressing need to change his shirt. The New
shirt announced: "The Singing Ewok"
And of course, he is.
Sarah D' ogg. (who fell asleep. Then Stayed sober negating the
requirement for trasmats home)
Sue (Ratatouille) and Mick. (monsieur Ratatouille)
Ccooke (no intro necessary)
As is the way of all things, human nature decrees mating habits will
be displayed in public, and not a few metres from the assembled
afpalot, a courting couple just cannot wait.
We watch with (masterly) baited breath.
(adopt a Mills and Boon stylee)
His hands flowed over her like a tidal wave, yearningly she arched
her back, the pint glass slipping from her fingers as she thrust her
hips forwards to meet his.
They fell to their knees, desire filling their souls as they melted
into each other, they were lost, souls enmeshed as their mouths
soldered to each other.
the outside world no longer mattered....
(back to reality)
which is a good job cos they keel over like a pair of mating tree
trunks. Much hilarity ensues. They don't notice and continue their
antics.
Still, takes all sorts.
Scene II
Int. The stately home of Saint Mary and Sir Darren
Much has already been written of this, so only that which has not
already been covered will be errr... covered.
Present....
Mary.
Darren (in Bed, but there in errr.... ok. Bed.)
Nick (also in Bed.)
(not the same one tho' . Honest)
Stu
Ccooke
Peter
Doofer
Jon
Sarah (thanks for the lift)
Shadow
Mart
the usual business, Geeking etc, till someone mentions soggy Biscuit,
and it falls upon Stu to explain the vile concept.
He does this with a remarkable feeling for detail and storytelling.
( Sometimes I scare Myself you know)
Mart is shocked at Stus depravity, until the DEAL is bought up again.
More public school "sports" are geeked.
MORE FILTH
MORE DEPRAVITY.
More Wine.
The Toilet seat at castle Capel is Possessed by a meat eating demon.
Stu posits a solution and borrows Ccookes Tool (ooer)
and fails miserably at exorcising the beast. Still, kept him out of
trouble for 5 minutes.
then I cannot remember a thing. I went home and fell into a coma, and
went back chez Mary et Darren in the late morning, clutching my PC.
Network Quake is Loaded.
People begin to stir.(Music: Peer Gynt...) like a field of Mighty
warriors ready for the battle, the room of dazed afpers struggles to
consciousness.
KFC Loads of.
Mart reads T5E and Blossoms into trainee outrageousness.
Ccooke retires homeward, and all is springing to life.
geeking interrupted by Saintly interjections of "Underwear" fills the
air.
Nick and Stu are gibbed mercilessly by Darren, the body parts making
pretty patterns on the floor of deathmatch level 1.
Hugging takes Place.
There is a ring at the drawbridge, and begging admition is Kevin
Hackett, who, having travelled far brings gifts for the Saintly Mary.
(a Clarecraft Death, which Mary in her typically self deprecating
manner assumes is a general Meet Mascott
at first, only later realising it is a gift. You could hug her !)
Mart goes off to meet Sarah for a Play in Buxton.
With the inevitability of a star dying, 7pm comes bashing at the
door, and with the return of the Ratatouilles, the brave group invades
the local Indian Restaurant.
MMMMMMMMMM Curry.
Nick Consumes bleach disguised as lime Pickle.
Doofer does not speak Curry, and Mary translates for him. Did you
realise that Narn Bread came from the outer reaches of the galaxy?(TM
St Mary)
Sorry.
Off-licences! the saviours of those who drink outside the normal
social mores!
Mary re-enacts a scene from Terminator whilst waiting for more alcohol
to be bought.
Nick seems to think he is in some way gravitically challenged, and in
order to disabuse him of this notion, Mary grabs hold of him , and
lifts him up in the air, a la Arnie. " I need your clothes, your
boots, and your motorcycle," she doesn't say
Nick Gapes in Awe.
Mary demonstrates the superior strength of the divinely blessed by
elevating Peter Ellis 2 ft off the ground.
Your correspondent is speechless with admiration.
And so to chez Capel again (BTW, these people are bloody saints.)
Triv. Persuit, with the team of Jon, Mart, Sarah emerging victorious,
Mary , Peter and Stu in second place, and everyone else (!) trailing
miserably.
Beer, alcohol, geeking and Mart getting so outrageous, he shuts up
Stu.
Read that bit again.
Mart Shuts Me up.
*Boggle*
Way to go Mart!!
We fall asleep, darkness welcoming our tired soles.(apart from Mary's,
whose soles I had been Massaging all weekend. Ahem)
Sunday.
Awake! for Morning in a bowl of light has cast the stone that put the
stars to flight!
"Bugger off, were tired"
Jon Moans that he's been woken. Strange that someone so Graceful can
be a little squeamish about a bit of noise...
Stu wakes up with someone else's socks in his mouth.
NIIIIIIICE. Bleuchhh...
Peter Ellis must leave to bring musical enlightenment and beauty to
Cambridge (have you heard this man sing? divine)
Tired, Stu retires to the sofa, beneath a rather nice Duvet whereupon
Mary joins him. He Massages..HER FEET!
Got it? Her FEET you filthy perverts!!
I dunno, some people.
Martyn impresses Stu once again with his ability to be naughty in
relation to this matter. (High Five Mate)
Anyway. Stu denies it all.Officially.
Lunch at the pub followed, with Mart getting more and more cool,
and breastularly fixated.And Mary getting redder and redder, her
cheeks("which cheeks?- Darren") finally settling on a fetching shade
of crimson.
The D**do game (see other meet reports for details) continues, and
Stu breaches all bounds of decency by standing up and publicly being
errr... ok . filthy. Sorry folks.
Stu goes to the toilet (no really there's a point to this) and reveals
a pressing need in the said convenience for locks. Please! Landlords,
For the Love of Io! a lock for some basic human dignity!
Return to base.Stairs were climbed, Abba listened to by some of the
few.
Nick must return to the accursed Guildford.
the vacuum this leaves is partly filled by the return of Sarah, and
refugees from Blakes 7. Music is geeked. Martyn impresses stu with his
ELO knowledge. People throw things at Stu for being sad. Conversation
becomes focussed on relationships and Stu comes to a momentous
decision. Anyone who knows him will know what this is, or at least
have a clue. Thanks Afpers, you are all the best friends one could
hope for. *Sniff*
Ahem.
Drinking! at an afpmeet! what a concept. But yes it happens.
Not only that, but the Dr Who Vids come out, not the BBC stuff, but
The Chase, an ace Dalek story complete with the Mary celeste, Crap
sailors, Frankenstein's Monster and trainee daleks! Yes, daleks that
have to count out loud, cos they're thick.
They don't get any better than this, which Stu ( a Who Addict)
demonstrates by falling asleep in ep.4.
Snoring.
An almost necrotic Stu staggers off to bed, accompanied by the
memories of another fine meet........
Quote file?
Impossible...to be posted separately I am afraid....
3 days of afpmadness, Life changing events, lots of hugs, music, life
and foot massages.
Life is good .
In trying to be an impartial observer, your correspondent has failed
and become flowery and pretentious. Forgive him.
He's had a Kickass Time.
--
Stu
Putting My Foot In It since 1964
Afpfianced to Saint Mary D'afp(woohoo)
AFP Saint Mary
Jugglebug
(AFPSaint Mary Capel) wrote:
snipped exciting meet report.
why oh why are all the manc meets on when I am ill!
october *ill*
November *ill*
(although I did drag myself to the signing, safe in the knowledge I
wasnt contagious. )
Sounds like you all had a great time. I *Will* be there next time
maybe. <sulk>
luv Jugglebug.
Martyn Clapham
<ma...@wibbledom.freeserve.co.uk> writes
Or maybe Stu, even. :-)
[ huge hack ]
>Beer, alcohol, geeking and Mart getting so outrageous, he shuts up
>Stu.
>Read that bit again.
>Mart Shuts Me up.
>*Boggle*
>
>Way to go Mart!!
Hang on. I can remember shocking you into silence on the Sunday night
when me, Sarah, you and Mary were on the bed[1], but I can't remember
doing it on Saturday night[2].
Mart.
[1] That's _on_ NOT _in_ before you lot start!
[2]Wanting to, but not managing to. :-) Oh, hang on, we were talking
about shocking Stu. weren't we? :-)))
--
http://www.mclapham.demon.co.uk/index.htm
Eventually this will be replaced by a _very_ appriopriate quote from T5E,
unfortunatly I think it's a spoiler at present! :-(
Afpurity = 49% old test, 37% new test. Beyond the point of no return! :-)
Nanny Ogg
report to twig to that one. And you look so cute in her clothes....) wrote:
(a truly great meet report, snipped)
>Sarah (thanks for the lift)
You're welcome....
>Stu goes to the toilet (no really there's a point to this)
Well, yeah, there usually is a point to going to the toilet, but I'm not sure
it's one we want to hear about in public, thanks....
>Nick must return to the accursed Guildford.
> the vacuum this leaves is partly filled by the return of Sarah,
Only partly?? :-)
>Conversation
>becomes focussed on relationships and Stu comes to a momentous
>decision. Anyone who knows him will know what this is, or at least
>have a clue. Thanks Afpers, you are all the best friends one could
>hope for. *Sniff*
(((((((((((((((((((((Stu))))))))))))))))))))) Good luck....
>They don't get any better than this, which Stu ( a Who Addict)
>demonstrates by falling asleep in ep.4.
>Snoring.
Obviously because things were so boring after I'd left..... <gd&rvvvf>
>Quote file?
>Impossible...to be posted separately I am afraid....
Well, don't forget to take out the pizza orders first.... `Potato wedges with
sour cream' just doesn't have that afpquote ring to it.
>In trying to be an impartial observer, your correspondent has failed
>and become flowery and pretentious. Forgive him.
>
Hmmmm - oh, all right then.....
Hope to see you & Mary soon, Stu!
_Big_ thank yous once again to Saint Mary for, well, being a saint.....
Take care,
All the best,
Sarah
AFPSaint Mary Capel
[snip]
>
>Hope to see you & Mary soon, Stu!
>
wow - looks like we are officially a couple Stu... :)
>_Big_ thank yous once again to Saint Mary for, well, being a saint.....
>
aaaaaaaaaaw schucks, i'm blushing...
and it was my pleasure,
But Sarah, thanks are due to everyone not just me, after all, it's you
guys that made the meet worthy of being called an Afpmeet, roll on the
next mancmeet!!
talking of which, should we start planning the next meet? after all,
there's so much more Blakes 7 and Doctor Who to watch, not to mention
the curry and the foot massage,..... (thanks Stu)
mmmmmm, foot massage, mmmmmm
/me dribbles in Homer Simpson style.
Mary.
AFP Saint Mary
Martyn Clapham
In article <38345753...@news.freeserve.net>, AFPSaint Mary Capel
<ma...@wibbledom.freeserve.co.uk> writes
>On 18 Nov 1999 17:52:54 GMT, swhi...@aol.com (Nanny Ogg) wrote:
>
>[snip]
>>
>>Hope to see you & Mary soon, Stu!
>>
>
>wow - looks like we are officially a couple Stu... :)
A couple of what, is the question.
>
>>_Big_ thank yous once again to Saint Mary for, well, being a saint.....
>>
>
>aaaaaaaaaaw schucks, i'm blushing...
Where?
Given that Stu is accusing me of having a reputation, I had to ask that.
:-))
>and it was my pleasure,
We noticed!
>
>But Sarah, thanks are due to everyone not just me, after all, it's you
>guys that made the meet worthy of being called an Afpmeet, roll on the
>next mancmeet!!
Hear, hear. I for one think Sarah also deserves a big thank you hug for
travelling to the meet from home each day. Driving home at 3.30am after
a long day cannot have been fun! :-(
>talking of which, should we start planning the next meet? after all,
>there's so much more Blakes 7 and Doctor Who to watch, not to mention
>the curry and the foot massage,..... (thanks Stu)
>
>mmmmmm, foot massage, mmmmmm
>/me dribbles in Homer Simpson style.
You know, I'm sure that if you and Stu keep repeating that it was your
feet he was massaging under the duvet long enough, people will actually
start believing it! :-P
Mind you, given that I was accused of being naked in my sleeping bag
with a lady in the room, I'm also going to have a hard job convincing
people that I had my undies on!
Don't worry I wont tell what I saw when you lifted the duvet. :-))
>AFP Saint Mary
Wasn't it decided at the meet that you are the 'Heretic Saint'?
Mart - who's is very probably going to die _very_ horribly when he sees
Mary this weekend!
Jonathan Ellis
Martyn Clapham wrote in message ...
>Mind you, given that I was accused of being naked in my sleeping bag
>with a lady in the room, I'm also going to have a hard job convincing
>people that I had my undies on!
Lady? Who? What? Where? Nobody here but us elephants... :-)
>>AFP Saint Mary
>Wasn't it decided at the meet that you are the 'Heretic Saint'?
Proposed but never put to the vote. Personally I think it's a
rather appropriate title for someone who really enjoys afpmeets but does
not, in fact, read Pratchett [shock, horror!] For myself I'm willing to
accept the title of the official "Fifth Elephant" owing to certain
comments made shortly after I was heard descending the stairs (walking,
not falling!)
Jonathan.
AFPSaint Mary Capel
<mar...@mclapham.demon.co.uk> wrote:
[snip]
>>wow - looks like we are officially a couple Stu... :)
>
>A couple of what, is the question.
>
a couple of highly intelligent, gorgeous, witty people...
...well, Stu is at any rate, dunno about me:)
[snip]
>Where?
>
>Given that Stu is accusing me of having a reputation, I had to ask that.
>:-))
good, good, you are learning Martyn - keep up the good work! we'll
make a *really* cheeky bu***r of you yet....
[snip]
>Mind you, given that I was accused of being naked in my sleeping bag
>with a lady in the room, I'm also going to have a hard job convincing
>people that I had my undies on!
no, i remember, sexy with dark blue stripes on weren't they? quite
tight around your....
aaaah revenge is sweet.
[snip]
>Mart - who's is very probably going to die _very_ horribly when he sees
>Mary this weekend!
nah - couldn't deprive the world of the all new and improved
'tarty-Marty' now could I?
Maryxxx
AFP Saint Mary
AFPSaint Mary Capel
<jona...@franz-liszt.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
>
>Martyn Clapham wrote in message ...
>
>>Mind you, given that I was accused of being naked in my sleeping bag
>>with a lady in the room, I'm also going to have a hard job convincing
>>people that I had my undies on!
> Lady? Who? What? Where? Nobody here but us elephants... :-)
[snip]
hang on - I was there! are you implying that i'm *not* a lady?
are you calling my honour as a lady into question sir?
where's Stu and his cabbage when I need him?
Mary.
AFP Saint Mary
Martyn Clapham
<ma...@wibbledom.freeserve.co.uk> writes
[ hack ]
>>Mind you, given that I was accused of being naked in my sleeping bag
>>with a lady in the room, I'm also going to have a hard job convincing
>>people that I had my undies on!
>
>no, i remember, sexy with dark blue stripes on weren't they? quite
>tight around your....
>aaaah revenge is sweet.
Er, I think you are thinking about Stu _again_! :-P
Unfortunately Sundays pair were plain blue briefs. However, Saturday
morning I was wearing a pair of baggy Wallace and Grommet boxers, which
could have given very 'interesting' views if I wasn't careful! It's a
pity you missed them, isn't it? :-))
Tarty Marty ( Apparently :-) )
Martyn Clapham
<jona...@franz-liszt.freeserve.co.uk> writes
[ hack my bit about Mary being the 'Heretic Saint' ]
> Proposed but never put to the vote. Personally I think it's a
>rather appropriate title for someone who really enjoys afpmeets but does
>not, in fact, read Pratchett [shock, horror!] For myself I'm willing to
>accept the title of the official "Fifth Elephant" owing to certain
>comments made shortly after I was heard descending the stairs (walking,
>not falling!)
I think you will be referred to by that name even if you _don't_ accept
it. It wasn't just the coming downstairs that got you the title, but the
noises made as you went upstairs and also the bit between.
Mart.
Ailbhe Leamy
AFPSaint Mary Capel <ma...@wibbledom.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
>where's Stu and his cabbage when I need him?
Cabbage? that's what they call it these days then?
Ailbhe
xxx
--
Homepage: http://www.tanstafl.demon.co.uk/ailbhe/