Archimedes Plutonium?
Archimedes Plutonium
In article <kibo-01039...@ppp0a012.std.com>
ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
> k...@yt.invalid (Louis Theran) wrote:
> >
> > CDInchauste wrote:
> > >
> > > I was wondering, why we should avoid gratuitous mention of Archimedes
> > > Plutonium?
> >
> > Apparently Archimedes Plutonium uses deja or some other search engine to
> > follow threads where the name Archimedes Plutonium is mentioned. Archimedes
> > Plutonium feels the gratutious use of the name Archimedes Plutonium is rude,
> > since it cause articles that don't have anything to do with Archimedes
> > Plutonium's theories to be found by search engines. Also, articles the
> > frequently mantion the name Archimedes Plutonium have a higher score than
> > they should and get sorted toward the top of the list. Archimedes Plutonium
> > does not like this, so I suggest that we all respect the wishes of
> > Archimedes Plutonium and refrain from using the name Archimedes Plutonium in
> > a gratutious and careless fashion, such as, "Archimedes Plutonium Archimedes
> > Plutonium Archimedes Plutonium Archimedes Plutonium Archimedes Plutonium".
>
> Louis Theroux, please stop search-enging boinking Archimedes Plutonium.
>
> -- K.
>
> I'm going to change my name
> to Euripides Pantalonium.
>
> When I get tired of being
> Anaximander Yttrium, who
> drives a talking car.
Now, don't say that Kibo. The trap was already set months ago. The
spring has sprung. By tomorrow the fruits of my labor will start. The
key word is Harvest.
It does not take much brains to fool a half-wit like you Kibo. Of
course, all you are in for this game of Usenet is to enrich your
pocketbooks with spamming of your dry,dusty dry jokes. How many shares
of std.com do you possess? How much is std pay you to keep kibology as
a free advertising platform for your ditzy company? How many
subscribers is sci.physics and all of sci hierarchy targeted for.
No, don't tell that gaggle of birdbrain followers (I like j.swift's
"nattering nutters") of yours to stop now. The fun starts tonight. Yes,
I pulled a trap, hook line and sinker and the spring was sprung. The
key word is HARVEST. And if you look back in my posts of late 1997 you
will see that I declared that by March I will resume this. And if you
look back at my re-posts of Vulis's comic strip. That gave me
practice... It is easy to trap you Kibo and your gang of kooks, and
now I will make use of you fruitcakes.
So, don't start backing down your gaggle of nitwits, I need them now.
And when it is all over, I predict that you will be so discredited
Kibo, that out of shame you will go scampering off into your mouse hole
where you belong. A fitting ending for a commercial enriching the
pocket halfwit. eh Kibo
Look for Harvest project. I need that band of stupid worthless creeps
that has made you a lunatic cult figure, which if not for your money
grubbing enriching of your pocketbook is what you are -- a money grub
cult figure. Your creeps will help me with HARVEST. You don't mind if I
steal your creeps, do you Kibo? At least I am honest and will not take
their money like you
Theresa Willis
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>In article <kibo-01039...@ppp0a012.std.com>
>ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
>>
>> Louis Theroux, please stop search-enging boinking Archimedes Plutonium.
>>
>> -- K.
>>
>> I'm going to change my name
>> to Euripides Pantalonium.
>>
>> When I get tired of being
>> Anaximander Yttrium, who
>> drives a talking car.
> Now, don't say that Kibo. The trap was already set months ago. The
>spring has sprung. By tomorrow the fruits of my labor will start. The
>key word is Harvest.
> It does not take much brains to fool a half-wit like you Kibo. Of
Hey! Kibo can't help it if he's a half-wit. Don't be mean!
>course, all you are in for this game of Usenet is to enrich your
>pocketbooks with spamming of your dry,dusty dry jokes. How many shares
A little Orbitz will wash those jokes right down.
>of std.com do you possess? How much is std pay you to keep kibology as
>a free advertising platform for your ditzy company? How many
>subscribers is sci.physics and all of sci hierarchy targeted for.
I know! I know! It's a Zillion and Six! Am I right?
> No, don't tell that gaggle of birdbrain followers (I like j.swift's
>"nattering nutters") of yours to stop now. The fun starts tonight. Yes,
We do not natter. We beable. Get your facts straight.
>I pulled a trap, hook line and sinker and the spring was sprung. The
>key word is HARVEST. And if you look back in my posts of late 1997 you
>will see that I declared that by March I will resume this. And if you
>look back at my re-posts of Vulis's comic strip. That gave me
>practice... It is easy to trap you Kibo and your gang of kooks, and
>now I will make use of you fruitcakes.
> So, don't start backing down your gaggle of nitwits, I need them now.
Hey everybody! Archie needs us! He just lit the Pu-Signal! To the
Pu-Cave!
>And when it is all over, I predict that you will be so discredited
>Kibo, that out of shame you will go scampering off into your mouse hole
>where you belong. A fitting ending for a commercial enriching the
>pocket halfwit. eh Kibo
Good plan. Except...
How do you discredit someone who doesn't have any credit?
> Look for Harvest project. I need that band of stupid worthless creeps
The Harvest Project is my favorite band. I especially loved their
rendition of "Don't Cry For Me, Archimedes" as led by that sexy
performer, Rimshot Rhianna.
The Worthless Creeps were kind of a lame opening act, though.
>that has made you a lunatic cult figure, which if not for your money
>grubbing enriching of your pocketbook is what you are -- a money grub
>cult figure. Your creeps will help me with HARVEST. You don't mind if I
>steal your creeps, do you Kibo? At least I am honest and will not take
>their money like you
Hey! Quit Search-Engine Bombing our Fearless Leader! You must have
said "Kibo" a zillion times in this post. We are trying to have
serious theological discussions over here! We are dealing with
Important Matters of the Soul, not your piddle-paddle science!
Archiemedes Plutonium must be disjointed from the planet Earth
hierarchy so that... oh wait, he already is. Never mind.
--Terri
This message has been brought to you by the Association of Tired Old
Maids (ATOM).
Harry H Conover
Theresa Willis (twi...@sound.net) wrote:
:
: The Harvest Project is my favorite band. I especially loved their
: rendition of "Don't Cry For Me, Archimedes" as led by that sexy
: performer, Rimshot Rhianna.
Gawd, Theresa -- I love it! That had me literally laughing out
loud.
Pardon my French but, Theresa, you are one (very favorable explatives
deleted) very special. I suspect Archie has met more than his match
with you!
Harry C.
Rhianna
Theresa Willis wrote:
> The Harvest Project is my favorite band. I especially loved their rendition of
> "Don't Cry For Me, Archimedes" as led by that sexy performer, Rimshot Rhianna.
>
> The Worthless Creeps were kind of a lame opening act, though.
I'm so glad someone noticed. I really worked hard on this one! But it got me no
where... no where. Archie Pu is still not speaking to me. I serenaded him with
my SOUL! And still he spurns me.... the pain!
> Archiemedes Plutonium must be disjointed from the planet Earth
> hierarchy so that... oh wait, he already is. Never mind.
>
Nothing funny to say here. I just loved this line. Because it mentions
Archimedes Plutonium's name. I confess... I CONFESS!!!1! Archie Pu is my lover!
Oh the shame! The shame! Marry me baby! Don't leave me!!
Rhia "Wasting Away For Love" Greenwood
P.S. Terri, those were my tin foil underwear. Archie likes to cross dress
sometimes. But he doesn't look as cute in a tutu as Teg does...
Mmmmichael
In article <34F9EBF3...@bee.net>, Rhianna beabled...
Alex spanked me, so all I have to say is, "HEY!"
*wanders away, disconsolate*
--
Mmmmichael mno...@wwa.com
"I see you found the exclamation point! See what a phone call
from me can do? Give me five minutes and I'll make you forget
the exclamation point and make you see God instead!"
--The Sexclamation-Point Kid, Rhia (rhi...@bee.net)
Lance Olkovick
twi...@sound.net (Theresa Willis) wrote:
>Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>>In article <kibo-01039...@ppp0a012.std.com>
>>ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
>>> Louis Theroux, please stop search-enging boinking Archimedes Plutonium.
>>>
>>> -- K.
>>>
>>> I'm going to change my name
>>> to Euripides Pantalonium.
>>>
>>> When I get tired of being
>>> Anaximander Yttrium, who
>>> drives a talking car.
>> Now, don't say that Kibo. The trap was already set months ago. The
>>spring has sprung. By tomorrow the fruits of my labor will start. The
>>key word is Harvest.
>>I pulled a trap, hook line and sinker and the spring was sprung. The
>>key word is HARVEST.
>>I need that band of stupid worthless creeps
>>that has made you a lunatic cult figure, which if not for your money
>>grubbing enriching of your pocketbook is what you are -- a money grub
>>cult figure.
I have the Kibo lunatic cult figure but I'm looking for the Kibo money
grub cult figure. I'll trade my collection of radioactive dust mites.
>>Your creeps will help me with HARVEST.
A cardboard duck with the word 'Harvest' printed on a card in its beak
drops from the ceiling. Groucho shouts: "CONGRATULATIONS!"
--
Lance
P.S. My email box is broken: please send all my HARVEST mail to
ki...@world.std.com <--- Best ISP in the USA -- cheap too!
Archimedes Plutonium
Or as the Bullwinkle show would give an "or", or Trap the
Kibo-loon-goon.
This is a Comedy and it starts out as fiction but at a certain point it
is true and the Usenet posts can verify it all. I will mark where it is
true.
----------------------------
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
----------------------------
Show me bicycling through Washington DC with my suitcase strapped to
the back of the bicycle and my ultr-light 100 clip 22 calibre laser
guided machine gun on my back, wearing a western hat. This is summer of
1997. Show some people honking their horns who are friends of mine.
After I lock the bicycle up and stride up to the NASA inner
headquarters. Saying hello to several friends passing by. There I am in
the chambers of one of the most powerful men in Washington. And he
tells me that I will not need my weapons for about a year now for this
new assignment will be behind a computer for the most part.
NASA chief: Arc here is a new mission we hope you will accept. Please
sit down.
Me: yes,sir
NASA chief: The code word for this mission is Harvest and it is
classified top secret.
Me: aye
NASA chief: Let me read it all without interruption and then ask me all
the questions you want.
Me: aye
NASA chief: The HARVEST PROJECT is .... [ to be revealed after it is
completed. It started 1 March of 1998 ......]
..............
..............
And a second mission. Mission two is to oust Kibo from the
alt.religion.kibology newsgroup. This man has been (showing me a black
and white large photo of Kibo) using a.r.k. as a platform to freely
spam commercial advertise for this company called world.std.com. He
has a job with them and has shares of the company. Their game is to
spam jokes and to garner subscribers. They obstruct traffic in
sci.physics and other sci newsgroups. We want you to oust him.
And a third mission. Mission three is to make yourself the largest
personae on the entire Usenet.
That is the end of what I have to say.
Me: I accept right now. But I have several questions. [Questions
concerning mission one deleted until Harvest Project is ended]..... And
about this Kibo, should I take any prisoners of Kibo followers? And
about the third mission, how can I know that I am the "personae" that
term is nebulous?
NASA chief: ......... answers to mission one....... No, take no
friendlies because all of Kibo's followers are rather swiss cheese
brained, they are the hippies of the 60s and 70s and are drug users.
You will know that you are the "personae" because everyone who has read
Usenet knows something about you. To better gauge this we will also
monitor how many times people name you.
Me: aye aye, yes sir
Next scene shows me leaving the inner chambers for my Washington DC
office overlooking the river and the cherry trees with the Washington
Monument in view.
I enter my office.
Me: Pamela, we got a nice stay at home mission this time and it will
take over a year, simply computer work.
Pamela: neat
Me: I need you to research for me how to set a "trap" the classic trap
of hook-line-and-sinker and can you report to me in a week.
Pamela: jolly can do.
--- here the story is true and not fiction ---
By the autumn of 1997, I was deep into the Harvest Project. And here
is where the story picks up.
--- start of old posts ---
Subject: Re: Solar System; harvesting via H-bombs Solar System
Harvest Project
From: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
Date: 1997/09/06
Message-ID: <5usjlk$jv5$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.astro
In article <5usaij$gab$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes:
> Now here is a lovely question to ask about our solar system. What
> astro body has the most uranium per volume? Is it Mercury? Or is it
> Earth? Or is it one of the Asteroids? We will most definitely need more
> uranium in the future as we learn that we cannot make electricity from
> fusion energy. This fusion energy barrier will force humanity to mine
> the solar system.
--- quoting from
http://seds.lpl.arizona.edu/nineplanets/nineplanets/mercury.html ---
ćććMercury is in many ways similar to the Moon: its surface is heavily
cratered
and very old; it has no atmosphere; it exhibits no plate tectonics. On
the other
hand, Mercury is much denser than the Moon (5.43 gm/cm3 vs 3.34).
Mercury is
the second densest major body in the solar system, after Earth.
Actually Earth's
density is due in part to gravitational compression; if not for this,
Mercury would
be denser than Earth. This indicates that Mercury's dense iron core is
relatively
larger than Earth's, probably comprising the majority of the planet.
Mercury
therefore has only a relatively thin silicate mantle and crust.
--- end quoting from
http://seds.lpl.arizona.edu/nineplanets/nineplanets/mercury.html ---
The problem with Venus is that it is too close to the Sun and it
lacks water. So what to do about it? To reorbit it opposite Earth and
to transfer about 1/2 of Earth's water to Venus.
Mercury is perhaps the richest astro body after Earth in that of
uranium. And Mars probably third. So the plan for Mercury and Mars is
to join them with the Moon and to make a further orbit of the Moon than
presently. How to accomplish such a conjoinment? By means of H-bombing
asteroids to knock Mars and Mercury into a collision course with Moon.
Mars probably has some water on it but not enough for the new planet of
Mercury-Mars-Moon. What to do? Redirect every possible icy comet or
small icy body into Mercury-Mars-Moon. Such a combination should permit
an atmosphere and sustain human life and thus to mine this new planet
for its uranium.
Subject: Re: Solar System; harvesting via H-bombs Solar System
Harvest Project
From: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
Date: 1997/09/06
Message-ID: <5usl17$lfk$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.astro
In article <5usaij$gab$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes:
> Instead of scrapping all of the Russian and USA missiles, maybe
> Russia and the USA can get together and grow the moon via asteroid
> H-bomb directed collisions. And split the moon into proportional USA
> and Russian countries. Perhaps Japan with its overcrowded country will
> join the USA in the Solar System Harvest Project.
The USA is already large enough of a nation that it can start
harvesting the Solar System by itself. It needs no partners. It has a
large enough and capable enough of a space program to begin to colonize
the solar system. A good starting point would be to redirect one of
these smaller asteroids into a beneficial collision with Mars. This
event will show the world that harvesting the Solar System is easy and
possible. Of course if the USA starts harvesting then it rightfully
will own the rights to colonize the planet which it so heavily invested
time, money and work. The nation of Great Britain needed more room in
the 1600s and so began to colonize foreign lands. Likewise, the USA is
opulent and rich and will need more room in the future. The Columbus
shores of 1492 will now become the creating of whole new Earths in the
likeness of our own Earth. All of the technology is here now. We can
compute with exacting precision a spacecraft with H-bomb missiling a
asteroid sending it into a collision course with Mars making a better
Mars orbit.
> is the mean distance to the Sun in
> thousands of kilometers; masses in kilograms).
>
> No. Name Distance Radius Mass Discoverer Date
> ---- --------- -------- ------ ------- ---------- -----
> 2062 Aten 144514 0.5 ? Helin 1976
> 3554 Amun 145710 ? ? Shoemaker 1986
> 1566 Icarus 161269 0.7 ? Baade 1949
> 951 Gaspra 205000 8 ? Neujmin 1916
> 1862 Apollo 220061 0.7 ? Reinmuth 1932
> 243 Ida 270000 35 ? ? 1880?
> 2212 Hephaistos 323884 4.4 ? Chernykh 1978
> 4 Vesta 353400 263 2.38e20 Olbers 1807
> 3 Juno 399400 123 ? Harding 1804
> 15 Eunomia 395500 136 ? De Gasparis 1851
> 1 Ceres 413900 457 1.17e21 Piazzi 1801
> 2 Pallas 414500 261 2.18e20 Olbers 1802
> 52 Europa 463300 156 ? Goldschmidt 1858
> 10 Hygiea 470300 215 ? De Gasparis 1849
> 511 Davida 475400 168 ? Dugan 1903
> 911 Agamemnon 778100 88 ? Reinmuth 1919
> 2060 Chiron 2051900 85 ? Kowal 1977
--- end old posts ---
I had figured out the trap by late fall. Using the classical trap
method.
The idea would be to feign that I needed the search engines of Dejanews
and Altavista. Kibo would fall for it as well as his herd of nattering
nutters. Instead of doing what I ask them to, they will do the opposite
and intensify it.
Months earlier I had already posted requesting Kibo to stop his mocking
of my posts. That would be the tool to bring the searchenginebombing
onto front stage and center.
Show me laying the trail that I hate searchenginebombing.
Show Kibo and his gang laughing as they searchenginebomb me.
(here the Dejanews and Altavista archive that.)
Show a scene where the nattering nutters are putting my name into
their signature block and commenting to one another that oh how painful
and how much in a rage AP must be when he sees these bombs.
Show me the next day gleefully seeing that there are more and more, a
mountain of bombs in the search engine.
Show me putting on a terrific actors act of feigning angry because
Kibo nattering nutters are bombs away.
Show me even with a straight face contact Tlerll's abuse desk to get
him to stop before the end of February.
Show me practicing the comic strips for the Harvest project before
March of 1998. Show me practicing the 10,000 liners for the top ten
newsgroups of the author Archimedes Plutonium as of 1 March 1998
Author: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
13416 unique articles posted.
Number of articles posted to individual newsgroups (slightly
skewed by cross-postings):
1856 sci.physics
1124 sci.bio.misc
1054 sci.chem
1045 sci.physics.electromag
1024 sci.engr
1022 sci.math
Timing was perfect, for on 1 March, Kibo posted asking for his
nattering nutters to stop bombing me.
Of course I had to follow-up reply saying that please do not. The trap
had been sprung 1 March 1998. The nattering nutters as of 1 March do
not know which way to turn. Ha, ha, ha.
more of true story to be filled in and all to be filled in when entire
story is over with
--- end true story as can be verified by archived Usenet posts ---
Show me and Pamela and the chief of NASA in the inner chambers of
Washington DC. Show us drinking champagne and eating truffles and
laughing over the classic trap.
Me: oh was that a beautiful trap, why on 1 March I could just see that
goon of Kevin Allegood and other goonclods not knowing which way to
turn.
Pamela: (pretty tall redhead) giggling, sort of like they were
crucified, and could not turn up or down or forwards or backwards, that
is the classical trap.
Me: yes, and to think that those loons thought that I needed the
searchengines at all. Why between January and March1 of 1998 I almost
had the Fusion Barrier Law complete and I discovered my Sociology
theory that of Math Induction on History Analogy allied with Kant's
Categorical Imperative. Obviously the loon-goons never look beyond
their front noses
NASA chief: how could they, their brains are swiss cheese holed. Say
Arc, how about you and me going loon hunting or pheasant hunting up in
Minnesota?
Me: no thanks I like to target practice with that ultra light laser
guided 22. I simply do not have the time but will go target practicing.
Are you free this weekend?
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake mno...@wwa.com:
>Alex spanked me, so all I have to say is, "HEY!"
Didn't!
>*wanders away, disconsolate*
Aw shucks. Don't be sad. You know what cheers me up when
I'm sad? Stark raving John Lithgow. I just saw _Buckaroo
Banzai_ for the nth time last Friday. Too hip.
Please, everyone now refer to me as Perfect Tommy.
Sincerely,
Perfect Tommy
P.S. I looked at Blockbuster, but couldn't find _Buckaroo
Banzai Against The World Crime League_. Where can I special
order it please?
--
Alex Suter
"I test market positive thinking."
Theresa Willis
lolk...@sfu.ca (Lance Olkovick) wrote:
>>Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>>>I need that band of stupid worthless creeps
>>>that has made you a lunatic cult figure, which if not for your money
>>>grubbing enriching of your pocketbook is what you are -- a money grub
>>>cult figure.
>I have the Kibo lunatic cult figure but I'm looking for the Kibo money
>grub cult figure. I'll trade my collection of radioactive dust mites.
Mm, well I would, except right now I'm using the Kibo money grub cult
figure to prop up my window sill. Also, my little sister likes to use
him for tea parties sometimes.
>>>Your creeps will help me with HARVEST.
>A cardboard duck with the word 'Harvest' printed on a card in its beak
>drops from the ceiling. Groucho shouts: "CONGRATULATIONS!"
Tell him what he wins, Bob!
Theresa Willis
In article <6de3p0$9pv$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>,
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>
> Or as the Bullwinkle show would give an "or", or Trap the
> Kibo-loon-goon.
>
> This is a Comedy and it starts out as fiction but at a certain point it
> is true and the Usenet posts can verify it all. I will mark where it is
> true.
>
> ----------------------------
> MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
> ----------------------------
Starring your favorite Loon-Goon, and mine:
The one, the only Archimedes Plutonium
(cheers from his adoring fans)
>
> Show me bicycling through Washington DC with my suitcase strapped to
> the back of the bicycle and my ultr-light 100 clip 22 calibre laser
> guided machine gun on my back, wearing a western hat. This is summer of
Note: For authenticity, change to tricycle, water pistol covered with
alumuninum foil, and beanie with propeller hat.
> 1997. Show some people honking their horns who are friends of mine.
Note: For authenticity, change "friends of mine" to "giggling
onlookers",
> After I lock the bicycle up and stride up to the NASA inner
> headquarters. Saying hello to several friends passing by. There I am in
NASA headquarters is a cardboard pyramid covered with Christmas lights
(I did not steal this image from any well-known deities). The several
friends smile uncomfortably at our hero, as they do not recognize him.
> the chambers of one of the most powerful men in Washington. And he
Who is actually a sock puppet with bits of felt glued to it.
> tells me that I will not need my weapons for about a year now for this
> new assignment will be behind a computer for the most part.
Which makes more sense then sitting underneath it, like AP did last
time.
>
> NASA chief: Arc here is a new mission we hope you will accept. Please
> sit down.
> Me: yes,sir
(sits on floor)
>
> NASA chief: The code word for this mission is Harvest and it is
> classified top secret.
So whatever you do, DON'T post anything about it on Usenet.
>
> Me: aye
>
> NASA chief: Let me read it all without interruption and then ask me all
> the questions you want.
>
> Me: aye
>
NASA chief: I said don't interrupt!
(smacks AP with lutefisk)
(continues)
> NASA chief: The HARVEST PROJECT is .... [ to be revealed after it is
> completed. It started 1 March of 1998 ......]
> ..............
> ..............
> And a second mission. Mission two is to oust Kibo from the
> alt.religion.kibology newsgroup. This man has been (showing me a black
> and white large photo of Kibo)
(Kibo's face is obscured by a Giant H. Oh yeah, and he's wearing a
sexy gas-mask.)
> using a.r.k. as a platform to freely
> spam commercial advertise for this company called world.std.com.
Which is a really superior ISP, and everyone should subscribe to it.
In fact, I think NASA should subscribe to it. AP, get me some info
on subscribing to world.std.com ASAP!
> He has a job with them and has shares of the company. Their game is to
> spam jokes and to garner subscribers. They obstruct traffic in
> sci.physics and other sci newsgroups. We want you to oust him.
>
> And a third mission. Mission three is to make yourself the largest
> personae on the entire Usenet.
>
> That is the end of what I have to say.
>
> Me: I accept right now. But I have several questions. [Questions
> concerning mission one deleted until Harvest Project is ended]..... And
> about this Kibo, should I take any prisoners of Kibo followers? And
> about the third mission, how can I know that I am the "personae" that
> term is nebulous?
>
> NASA chief: ......... answers to mission one....... No, take no
> friendlies because all of Kibo's followers are rather swiss cheese
Mmmmmmm.........Cheese.
> brained, they are the hippies of the 60s and 70s and are drug users.
such as aspirin, orbitz and mentos.
> You will know that you are the "personae" because everyone who has read
> Usenet knows something about you. To better gauge this we will also
> monitor how many times people name you.
>
> Me: aye aye, yes sir
>
> Next scene shows me leaving the inner chambers for my Washington DC
> office overlooking the river and the cherry trees with the Washington
> Monument in view.
The Washington Monument is a carboard pyramid covered with Christmas
lights.
> I enter my office.
>
Which is a cardboard pyramid covered... oh, never mind.
An inflatable woman sits at the secretary's desk.
> Me: Pamela, we got a nice stay at home mission this time and it will
> take over a year, simply computer work.
>
> Pamela: neat
Note: For authenticity, imagine AP talking out of the side of his
mouth in a squeaky voice.
>
> Me: I need you to research for me how to set a "trap" the classic trap
> of hook-line-and-sinker and can you report to me in a week.
>
> Pamela: jolly can do.
>
> --- here the story is true and not fiction ---
>
> By the autumn of 1997, I was deep into the Harvest Project. And here
> is where the story picks up.
Finally! It's really dragging so far.
>
> --- start of old posts ---
> Subject: Re: Solar System; harvesting via H-bombs Solar System
> Harvest Project
> From: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
> Date: 1997/09/06
> Message-ID: <5usjlk$jv5$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
> Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.astro
>
> In article <5usaij$gab$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
> Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes:
>
> > Now here is a lovely question to ask about our solar system. What
> > astro body has the most uranium per volume? Is it Mercury? Or is it
> > Earth? Or is it one of the Asteroids? We will most definitely need more
> > uranium in the future as we learn that we cannot make electricity from
> > fusion energy. This fusion energy barrier will force humanity to mine
> > the solar system.
I'm making electricity from fusion energy RIGHT NOW, IYKWIM, AITYD.
>
> --- quoting from
> http://seds.lpl.arizona.edu/nineplanets/nineplanets/mercury.html ---
>
> وووMercury is in many ways similar to the Moon: its surface is heavily
> cratered
> and very old; it has no atmosphere; it exhibits no plate tectonics. On
Also, they both make a squeaky "eee eee eee" sound.
> the other
> hand, Mercury is much denser than the Moon (5.43 gm/cm3 vs 3.34).
Really dense. Most knock-knock jokes go right over Mercury's head.
Sheesh!
> Mercury is
> the second densest major body in the solar system, after Earth.
> Actually Earth's
> density is due in part to gravitational compression; if not for this,
> Mercury would
> be denser than Earth. This indicates that Mercury's dense iron core is
really made of Nutella... and we all know what that means!
> relatively
> larger than Earth's, probably comprising the majority of the planet.
> Mercury
> therefore has only a relatively thin silicate mantle and crust.
So the Nutella will be really easy to get to. Yay!
>
> --- end quoting from
> http://seds.lpl.arizona.edu/nineplanets/nineplanets/mercury.html ---
>
(snip a whole bunch of science stuff that was way to complicated for
my swiss cheese brain... and didn't really have that much to do with
the plot (or science, for that matter).
> --- end old posts ---
>
> I had figured out the trap by late fall. Using the classical trap
> method.
I was positive the jazzy trap method would not work, and the
country-western trap method just wasn't me.
>
> The idea would be to feign that I needed the search engines of Dejanews
> and Altavista. Kibo would fall for it as well as his herd of nattering
> nutters. Instead of doing what I ask them to, they will do the opposite
> and intensify it.
Which is what I really wanted all along. I was just pretending to be
mad about it. Really. Seriously. You believe me, right?
>
> Months earlier I had already posted requesting Kibo to stop his mocking
> of my posts. That would be the tool to bring the searchenginebombing
> onto front stage and center.
Even though there is no such thing as searchenginebombing.
>
> Show me laying the trail that I hate searchenginebombing.
Even though there is no such thing as searchenginebombing.
>
> Show Kibo and his gang laughing as they searchenginebomb me.
> (here the Dejanews and Altavista archive that.)
Even though there is no such thing as searchenginebombing, the
kibology gang was laughing and having fun. Yep. Sure showed them.
>
> Show a scene where the nattering nutters are putting my name into
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
YM "beabling doidys". HTH.
> their signature block and commenting to one another that oh how painful
> and how much in a rage AP must be when he sees these bombs.
> Show me the next day gleefully seeing that there are more and more, a
> mountain of bombs in the search engine.
Even though there's no such thing.
>
> Show me putting on a terrific actors act of feigning angry because
> Kibo nattering nutters are bombs away.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
YM "doidying beables". HTH.
>
> Show me even with a straight face contact Tlerll's abuse desk to get
> him to stop before the end of February.
>
Show Tlerll's abuse desk keep a staight face as they explain how to
prevent search engine bombs by wrapping your computer cables in
aluminum foil.
> Show me practicing the comic strips for the Harvest project before
> March of 1998. Show me practicing the 10,000 liners for the top ten
> newsgroups of the author Archimedes Plutonium as of 1 March 1998
>
> Author: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
>
> 13416 unique articles posted.
> Number of articles posted to individual newsgroups (slightly
> skewed by cross-postings):
>
> 1856 sci.physics
> 1124 sci.bio.misc
> 1054 sci.chem
> 1045 sci.physics.electromag
> 1024 sci.engr
> 1022 sci.math
Um, you do realize that these numbers don't reflect any "search engine
bombing", right? This is data collected from what you yourself post.
But you knew that, right?
On the other hand, your spamming on the sci-groups last week did earn
you a few mentions on news.admin.net-abuse.usenet. Way to go! We're
proud of you. Your Megabozocity is a goal for us all to strive for.
(wipes tear from eye)
>
> Timing was perfect, for on 1 March, Kibo posted asking for his
> nattering nutters to stop bombing me.
No, he said to stop search engine "boinking" you, because DIRTY SEX
TALK HAS NO PLACE ON ARK, WHICH IS A POSTIVE PLACE FOR CHILDREN THAT
PARENTS CAN SEND THEIR KIDS TO.
Also, he knew you were getting off on it. Kibo sees all. Do not
underestimate the power of Kibo, and read your BEABLE.
>
> Of course I had to follow-up reply saying that please do not. The trap
> had been sprung 1 March 1998. The nattering nutters as of 1 March do
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
YM "bozoing beables". HTH.
> not know which way to turn. Ha, ha, ha.
>
Oh, of course we do:
Ya put your bozo in
Ya put your bozo out
Ya put your bozo in
And you shake it all about
You do the beable doidy
And you turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.
See?
> more of true story to be filled in and all to be filled in when entire
> story is over with
>
> --- end true story as can be verified by archived Usenet posts ---
>
> Show me and Pamela and the chief of NASA in the inner chambers of
> Washington DC. Show us drinking champagne and eating truffles and
> laughing over the classic trap.
>
Note: For authenticty, the champagne is really stale flat Orbitz, and
the truffles are Cheesy Pouffs.
Adrian Cable
> practice... It is easy to trap you Kibo and your gang of kooks, and
> now I will make use of you fruitcakes.
"Kook"! Now _there's_ a great word!!
Thanks, cheers,
Adrian Cable.
Mmmmichael
In article <Ep76K...@world.std.com>, Lupus Yonderboy beabled...
Dear Perfect Tommy,
DID!
> >*wanders away, disconsolate*
>
> Aw shucks. Don't be sad. You know what cheers me up when
> I'm sad? Stark raving John Lithgow. I just saw _Buckaroo
> Banzai_ for the nth time last Friday. Too hip.
Does this mean I can wave the box of Godiva Chocolates
around my head in an attempt to woo Rhianna away from
her unnatural attractions to Archimedes Plutonium and
Teg? Please advise, soonest!
> Please, everyone now refer to me as Perfect Tommy.
Okay!
> P.S. I looked at Blockbuster, but couldn't find _Buckaroo
> Banzai Against The World Crime League_. Where can I special
> order it please?
Try 800-4-movies. Really! <--Not a joke! A serious
attempt to become unspanked!
--
Mmmmichael mno...@wwa.com
"I see you found the exclamation point! See what a phone call
from me can do? Give me five minutes and I'll make you forget
the exclamation point and make you see God instead!"
--The Sexclamation-Point Kid, Rhia (rhi...@bee.net)
P.S. This post contains highly unstable Darla bait.
Mmmmichael
In article <34fb0...@news.sound.net>, Theresa Willis beabled...
> Oh, of course we do:
>
> Ya put your bozo in
> Ya put your bozo out
> Ya put your bozo in
> And you shake it all about
> You do the beable doidy
> And you turn yourself around
> That's what it's all about.
IHNJH, IJLS "Ya put your bozo in, and you shake it all about"
--
Mmmmichael mno...@wwa.com
"I see you found the exclamation point! See what a phone call
from me can do? Give me five minutes and I'll make you forget
the exclamation point and make you see God instead!"
--The Sexclamation-Point Kid, Rhia (rhi...@bee.net)
P.S. Not here...Nope, not me!
Ken Davis
Theresa Willis wrote:
Many wonderfully funny barbs, interspersed throughout an Archimedes
Plutonium post...
I can't believe it - someone finally found something useful to do with
all that drivel. I was chuckling non-stop. Thank you, and keep up the
good work!
Ken
James Kibo Parry
In six, count 'em, six sci.* newsgroups,
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>
> Or as the Bullwinkle show would give an "or", or Trap the
> Kibo-loon-goon.
Yes, all serious scientific research should be inspired by Bullwinkle!
> This is a Comedy and it starts out as fiction but at a certain point it
> is true and the Usenet posts can verify it all. I will mark where it is
> true.
>
> ----------------------------
> MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
> ----------------------------
>
> Show me bicycling through Washington DC with my suitcase strapped to
> the back of the bicycle and my ultr-light 100 clip 22 calibre laser
> guided machine gun on my back, wearing a western hat. This is summer of
> 1997.
Show little green OCR computer letters going across the bottom of the
screen making beeping noises:
W A S H I N G T O N , D . C .
W E D N E S D A Y 3 : 4 5 P M
I . Q . : 7 5
> Show some people honking their horns who are friends of mine.
Ah, so it's a fantasy.
> After I lock the bicycle up and stride up to the NASA inner
> headquarters. Saying hello to several friends passing by.
Computer-generating all these friends will push the movie way over budget...
> There I am in
> the chambers of one of the most powerful men in Washington. And he
> tells me that I will not need my weapons for about a year now for this
> new assignment will be behind a computer for the most part.
>
> NASA chief: Arc here is a new mission we hope you will accept. Please
> sit down.
>
> Me: yes,sir
>
> NASA chief: The code word for this mission is Harvest and it is
> classified top secret.
>
> Me: aye
>
> NASA chief: Let me read it all without interruption and then ask me all
> the questions you want.
>
> Me: aye
THE END!
Bravo! Bravo! Such pacing! You gave this wacky "Archimedes Plutonium"
character just the right amount of character dialogue! If he had said
more than four words, he would have been really annoying, but you got it
just right!
Oh, wait, there's another reel.
> NASA chief: The HARVEST PROJECT is .... [ to be revealed after it is
> completed. It started 1 March of 1998 ......]
> ..............
> ..............
Show rows of dots on the movie screen.
Show theater-goers nationwide demanding their money back because of
the missing scene. Show theater owners being forced to return all
eighteen dollars in ticket sales.
> And a second mission. Mission two is to oust Kibo from the
> alt.religion.kibology newsgroup. This man has been (showing me a black
> and white large photo of Kibo)
Hey! I've never shown you black and white photos of me!
Just for that I'm going to stop giving you free T-shirts with my
glow-in-the-dark picture.
> using a.r.k. as a platform to freely
> spam commercial advertise for this company called world.std.com. He
> has a job with them and has shares of the company. Their game is to
> spam jokes and to garner subscribers. They obstruct traffic in
> sci.physics and other sci newsgroups. We want you to oust him.
>
> And a third mission. Mission three is to make yourself the largest
> personae on the entire Usenet.
"You will begin by eating fifteen pounds of bacon soaked in butter
every morning, followed by all the stuff that SlimFast takes out of
their milkshakes during manufacture."
> That is the end of what I have to say.
THE END!
Wow, this movie just zipped right along! I really like movies that are
short and not tedious. Oh, wait, there's another reel.
> Me: I accept right now. But I have several questions. [Questions
> concerning mission one deleted until Harvest Project is ended]..... And
> about this Kibo, should I take any prisoners of Kibo followers? And
> about the third mission, how can I know that I am the "personae" that
> term is nebulous?
Archimedes Plutonium admits to being plural, film at 11.
There really needs to be a Latin declension somewhere below singular:
The Three Stooges -----> dramatis personae (three personalities)
Pee-wee Herman --------> on-screen persona (one personality)
Archimedes Plutonium --> usenet personot (no personality)
> NASA chief: ......... answers to mission one....... No, take no
> friendlies because all of Kibo's followers are rather swiss cheese
> brained, they are the hippies of the 60s and 70s and are drug users.
> You will know that you are the "personae" because everyone who has read
> Usenet knows something about you. To better gauge this we will also
> monitor how many times people name you.
>
> Me: aye aye, yes sir
>
> Next scene shows me leaving the inner chambers for my Washington DC
> office overlooking the river and the cherry trees with the Washington
> Monument in view.
> I enter my office.
Which is at the tip of the Washington Monument. Archimedes Plutonium's
pointy head fits nicely inside the aluminum capstone.
> Me: Pamela, we got a nice stay at home mission this time and it will
> take over a year, simply computer work.
>
> Pamela: neat
THE END!
Oh, the punchy dialogue worthy of Becket or Michael Frayn! The thrill-a-
minute pacing of... oh, wait, there's another reel.
> Me: I need you to research for me how to set a "trap" the classic trap
> of hook-line-and-sinker and can you report to me in a week.
>
> Pamela: jolly can do.
New! "Jolly Can Do" In A Drum! Removes stubborn plutonium stains!
> --- here the story is true and not fiction ---
>
> By the autumn of 1997, I was deep into the Harvest Project. And here
> is where the story picks up.
>
> --- start of old posts ---
> Subject: Re: Solar System; harvesting via H-bombs Solar System
> Harvest Project
> From: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
> Date: 1997/09/06
> Message-ID: <5usjlk$jv5$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
> Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.astro
>
> In article <5usaij$gab$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
> Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) writes:
> [... stuff deleted ...]
I think that Archimedes Plutonium is right and the movie masters in
Hollywood are wrong. The movie-going public really DOES want to see
a movie in which hundreds of old Usenet headers are read aloud and
really DOES want to see a movie filmed in DejaNewsVision.
Who needs action and characters and special effects when they can just
read text off the screen in 9-point Courier?
> The problem with Venus is that it is too close to the Sun and it
> lacks water. So what to do about it? To reorbit it opposite Earth and
> to transfer about 1/2 of Earth's water to Venus.
>
> Mercury is perhaps the richest astro body after Earth in that of
> uranium. And Mars probably third. So the plan for Mercury and Mars is
> to join them with the Moon and to make a further orbit of the Moon than
> presently. How to accomplish such a conjoinment? By means of H-bombing
> asteroids to knock Mars and Mercury into a collision course with Moon.
> Mars probably has some water on it but not enough for the new planet of
> Mercury-Mars-Moon. What to do? Redirect every possible icy comet or
> small icy body into Mercury-Mars-Moon. Such a combination should permit
> an atmosphere and sustain human life and thus to mine this new planet
> for its uranium.
Better yet, let's combine ALL the planets of the Solar System into
one! It would be named Mersuraniapito, and it would have Earth's atmosphere,
those cool dinosaurs that live on Venus, those wacky canals from Mars,
the beautiful rings of Saturn, and the cartoon dogs of Pluto.
And it would be made of yummy candy! And everyone would be happy forever
and ever, and Archimedes Plutonium would be King Of Mersuraniapito.
I like my movie idea better than yours. Yours is like a Joe Eszterhas movie
without any swearing and with lots of Usenet headers.
> Subject: Re: Solar System; harvesting via H-bombs Solar System
> Harvest Project
> From: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
> Date: 1997/09/06
> Message-ID: <5usl17$lfk$1...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
> Newsgroups: sci.engr,sci.astro
> [...]
YES! YES! Show the close-up of the Message-ID line! ZOOM IN! ZOOM IN!
> The USA is already large enough of a nation that it can start
> harvesting the Solar System by itself. It needs no partners.
RAMBO 9: USA VS. THE SOLAR SYSTEM
See, there's another movie that's less stupid than yours.
> [...]
> 2 Pallas 414500 261 2.18e20 Olbers 1802
> 52 Europa 463300 156 ? Goldschmidt 1858
> 10 Hygiea 470300 215 ? De Gasparis 1849
> 511 Davida 475400 168 ? Dugan 1903
> 911 Agamemnon 778100 88 ? Reinmuth 1919
> 2060 Chiron 2051900 85 ? Kowal 1977
Oh, yeah, extreme close-up of the scientific notation of 2.18e20!
That's what people will pay to see! MORE EXPONENTS! MORE EXPONENTS!
I can't wait to see the sequel, which will show a logarithm table!
> --- end old posts ---
>
> I had figured out the trap by late fall. Using the classical trap
> method.
I have that album, Mason Williams's "Classical Traps".
And Wendy Carlos's "Switched-On Plutonium". That was before he changed
his name from Ludwig.
> The idea would be to feign that I needed the search engines of Dejanews
> and Altavista. Kibo would fall for it as well as his herd of nattering
> nutters.
Show LBJ trying to say "Nattering nutters of nougativity" with his
mouth full of Snickers. Show him chewing on a Snickers while spitting
on Archimedes Plutonium's Theory of Everything. (That's just for Mike Nelson.)
> Instead of doing what I ask them to, they will do the opposite
> and intensify it.
Sure, use reverse psychology all you want. You *should* use reverse
pseychology. After all, it always works on TV sitcoms.
Also you should keep hitting yourself on the head to prevent amnesia.
> Months earlier I had already posted requesting Kibo to stop his mocking
> of my posts.
I'm sorry, but my local theater wasn't showing "PLEASE DON'T MOCK ME!:
THE MOTION PICTURE". Instead they were just showing some stupid film where
you were rolling around in your underwear while singing the Periodic Table.
> That would be the tool to bring the searchenginebombing
> onto front stage and center.
>
> Show me laying the trail that I hate searchenginebombing.
I see, it's like "The Crying Game"! Everyone will be talking about
the secret: JUST WHAT THE HELL IS "SEARCHENGINEBOMBING"?
> Show Kibo and his gang laughing as they searchenginebomb me.
> (here the Dejanews and Altavista archive that.)
>
> Show a scene where the nattering nutters are putting my name into
> their signature block and commenting to one another that oh how painful
> and how much in a rage AP must be when he sees these bombs.
>
> Show me the next day gleefully seeing that there are more and more, a
> mountain of bombs in the search engine.
>
> Show me putting on a terrific actors act of feigning angry because
> Kibo nattering nutters are bombs away.
I see... so you're upset that people are putting "Armenia", "Macedonia",
"Turkey", and "Larry Wall" in their .signatures?
> Show me even with a straight face contact Tlerll's abuse desk to get
> him to stop before the end of February.
Show the solution to the whole problem of people mentioning Archimedes
Plutonium's name without permission:
Anyone who wants to mention Archimedes Plutonium in a Usenet post must
first ask permission by posting "Archimedes Plutonium, may I please say
'Archimedes Plutonium' on Usenet?"
Actually, here's an even better solution. Archimedes Plutonium could
just change his name to a dirty word and then it would be ILLEGAL to say
it on Usenet or during a long-distance phone call.
> Show me practicing the comic strips for the Harvest project before
> March of 1998.
Wait, wait, this is new to me. I thought this was a *serious* scientific
research product (to de-orbit the Moon and land it in Iowa) and a serious,
Oscar-worthy motion picture event. Now you're telling me it's just a
comic strip?
AND ALL ALONG I THOUGHT THE PERIODIC TABLE WASN'T FUNNY!
Show Nancy and Sluggo in the Hydrogen panel. Then in the Helium panel
she drops her ice cream cone. In the Lithium and Beryllium panels,
Sluggo punches her. He keeps this up until Yttrium, and then he says,
"THAT'S FOR VIOLATING THE PLUTONIUM ATOM TOTALITY --" in Ernie Bushmiller
lettering. Then she says "BAW-W--" and teardrops hover over her head
upside down and stars on little springs come out of her scalp.
> Show me practicing the 10,000 liners for the top ten
> newsgroups of the author Archimedes Plutonium as of 1 March 1998
>
> Author: Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
>
> 13416 unique articles posted.
> Number of articles posted to individual newsgroups (slightly
> skewed by cross-postings):
>
> 1856 sci.physics
> 1124 sci.bio.misc
> 1054 sci.chem
> 1045 sci.physics.electromag
> 1024 sci.engr
> 1022 sci.math
>
> Timing was perfect, for on 1 March, Kibo posted asking for his
> nattering nutters to stop bombing me.
Yes, whatever you do, please don't say "Archimedes Plutonium" on Usenet.
And especially don't call him a "kook" or a "crackpot" or "a guy with a
withered head". His head isn't VERY withered.
> Of course I had to follow-up reply saying that please do not. The trap
> had been sprung 1 March 1998. The nattering nutters as of 1 March do
> not know which way to turn. Ha, ha, ha.
Show Archimedes Plutonium reading "Ha, ha, ha." off a cue card. Then
show him singing a Plutonium Atom Hymn, which consists of him reading
"La, la, la." off a teleprompter.
> more of true story to be filled in and all to be filled in when entire
> story is over with
>
> --- end true story as can be verified by archived Usenet posts ---
AND THE GROLIER ACADEMIC ENCYCLOPEDIA!
RUNNERS-UP GET A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF RICE-A-RONI AND A CASE OF TURTLE WAX!
> Show me and Pamela and the chief of NASA in the inner chambers of
> Washington DC. Show us drinking champagne and eating truffles and
> laughing over the classic trap.
>
> Me: oh was that a beautiful trap, why on 1 March I could just see that
> goon of Kevin Allegood and other goonclods not knowing which way to
> turn.
>
> Pamela: (pretty tall redhead) giggling, sort of like they were
> crucified, and could not turn up or down or forwards or backwards, that
> is the classical trap.
Oh, come on. People who were crucified could turn and bend if they
were on a cross made of bendy straws. And it would make fun religious noises,
too! Poppoppoppop! That would make the Bible fun for everyone, even
the people being crucified!
> Me: yes, and to think that those loons thought that I needed the
> searchengines at all. Why between January and March1 of 1998 I almost
> had the Fusion Barrier Law complete and I discovered my Sociology
> theory that of Math Induction on History Analogy allied with Kant's
> Categorical Imperative. Obviously the loon-goons never look beyond
> their front noses
>
> NASA chief: how could they, their brains are swiss cheese holed. Say
> Arc, how about you and me going loon hunting or pheasant hunting up in
> Minnesota?
>
> Me: no thanks I like to target practice with that ultra light laser
> guided 22. I simply do not have the time but will go target practicing.
> Are you free this weekend?
(Movie abruptly stops in mid-scene.)
Gee, I don't know. You really should have ended it at one of the natural
ending points much earlier. This scene just kind of peters out, with
some nerd talking to the hip NASA executive.
-- K.
Archimedes Plutonium's new movie,
"Stop Laughing At Me!" is sponsored
by Almond Joy, the candy bar with a
nut inside, and by alt.sci.physics.plutonium,
the candy bar with a nut inside.
James Kibo Parry
In six sci.* newsgroups, amid all the serious science,
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium)
dropped the following spore:
>
> Now, don't say that Kibo. The trap was already set months ago. The
> spring has sprung. By tomorrow the fruits of my labor will start. The
> key word is Harvest.
TONY RANDALL: Fall...
BETTY WHITE: Autumn?
TONY RANDALL: Crops...
BETTY WHITE: Reap?
TONY RANDALL: Plu-TO-ni-um...
BETTY WHITE: Crackpot!
> It does not take much brains to fool a half-wit like you Kibo.
I'm glad you do not need much brains. But whatever you do, don't
give anyone a piece of your mind, or you'll be one of those people
who wanders around the street shoutting "WUGGA-WUGGA-WUGGA" all day.
> Of course, all you are in for this game of Usenet is to enrich your
> pocketbooks with spamming of your dry,dusty dry jokes.
Well, nobody likes WET jokes.
Remember when Wendy's used to advertise that their hamburgers would
squirt blood all over a nuns' habits when you bit them?
(The burgers, not the nuns.)
> How many shares of std.com do you possess?
Sixteen million billion zillion, and each one is worth a googolplex plus one
dollars. Also I'm the seven million dollar man and I can say the whole
Lord's Prayer in one second.
> How much is std pay you to keep kibology as
> a free advertising platform for your ditzy company?
I don't know, but you really should stop picking up free samples in
CVS and shouting "How much do I have to pay you for this free sample?"
And stop complaining that The Dollar Store doesn't put price tags on
everything.
> How many subscribers is sci.physics and all of sci hierarchy targeted for.
>
> No, don't tell that gaggle of birdbrain followers (I like j.swift's
> "nattering nutters") of yours to stop now. The fun starts tonight. Yes,
> I pulled a trap, hook line and sinker and the spring was sprung. The
> key word is HARVEST. And if you look back in my posts of late 1997 you
> will see that I declared that by March I will resume this. And if you
> look back at my re-posts of Vulis's comic strip. That gave me
> practice... It is easy to trap you Kibo and your gang of kooks, and
> now I will make use of you fruitcakes.
>
> So, don't start backing down your gaggle of nitwits, I need them now.
> And when it is all over, I predict that you will be so discredited
> Kibo, that out of shame you will go scampering off into your mouse hole
> where you belong. A fitting ending for a commercial enriching the
> pocket halfwit. eh Kibo
KIBO: THE POCKET HALWIT -- NEW FROM THE CREATOR OF MERLIN, THE POCKET WIZARD!
Soon to be a major TV commercial with a thrilling jingle featuring the lyric
"Where's Kibo now? In the garden with Billy playing Magic Square!"
Kibo: "Beep beep boop beep RAZZZZZ!!!"
Billy: "Ha ha ha! Kibo funny."
> Look for Harvest project. I need that band of stupid worthless creeps
> that has made you a lunatic cult figure, which if not for your money
> grubbing enriching of your pocketbook is what you are -- a money grub
> cult figure. Your creeps will help me with HARVEST. You don't mind if I
> steal your creeps, do you Kibo?
Oh, please, steal my creeps. TAKE MY CREEPS, PLEASE.
> At least I am honest and will not take their money like you
Yeah, sure, steal my creeps but let me keep their money, whatever...
Yes, I'm sure the government really *did* implant a chip in your butt,
but if you come this way, we have a room with special quilted walls
to keep the deadly KGB mind control lasers away from you...
-- K.
This post is dedicated to the
spirit of the late Henny Youngman,
who deserves to get a Nobel Prize
right before Archimedes Plutonium.
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake mno...@wwa.com:
>
>Dear Perfect Tommy,
<WAVES!>
>DID!
DID NOT! Well, maybe I did, but you needed it.
>Does this mean I can wave the box of Godiva Chocolates
>around my head in an attempt to woo Rhianna away from
>her unnatural attractions to Archimedes Plutonium and
>Teg? Please advise, soonest!
If you love someone, set them free so I have a shot.
I think I read that in a Hallmark Card somewhere.
>> P.S. I looked at Blockbuster, but couldn't find _Buckaroo
>> Banzai Against The World Crime League_. Where can I special
>> order it please?
>
>Try 800-4-movies. Really! <--Not a joke! A serious
>attempt to become unspanked!
Unspanked but re-hooked. I do apologize. Friendly fire.
Firing friendly,
Alex
Riboflavin
David Lemmings wrote in message <01bd4613$13aa6920$LocalHost@dave>...
>> ----------------------------
>> MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
>> ----------------------------
>>
><incredibly long snip>
>
>what the hell are you on ?
ELASTIC BACON!
--
Kevin Allegood ribotr...@mindspring.pants.com
Remove the pants from my email address to reply
The Freshmaker: http://www.mentos.com
Warning: If you mention Archimedes Plutonium in your posts,
he will repost your articles to several unrelated news groups
David Hemmings
Bill Ward
Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>> Now here is a lovely question to ask about our solar system. What
>> astro body has the most uranium per volume? Is it Mercury? Or is it
>> Earth? Or is it one of the Asteroids?
More to the point, which one has the most lithium?
Bill Ward
Tlerll
In article <kibo-02039...@kibo.std.com>,
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>In six, count 'em, six sci.* newsgroups,
>Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
But Kibo, the sci. newsgroups exist for discussion of the illustirous, adored,
and highly intelligent Archimedes Plutonium, not for stupid old science, like
those advertisements-in-disguise, those "alt." groups are!
(Tlerll begins to sing to the tune of the "Transformers" theme song.)
ALT. NEWSGROUPS!
OUT TO DESTROY SCI.!
ALT. NEWSGROUPS!
<K00L R0B0T VOICE>ADVERTS IN DISGUISE!</K00L R0B0T VOICE>
>Show little green OCR computer letters going across the bottom of the
>screen making beeping noises:
>
>W A S H I N G T O N , D . C .
>
>W E D N E S D A Y 3 : 4 5 P M
>
>I . Q . : 7 5
>
>> Show some people honking their horns who are friends of mine.
>
>Ah, so it's a fantasy.
He may not have friends, but he DOES have connections! A few weeks ago my
boss at earthlink fired me for mocking this genius to bring in more money
for earthlink!
>> NASA chief: The code word for this mission is Harvest and it is
>> classified top secret.
>>
>> Me: aye
>>
>> NASA chief: Let me read it all without interruption and then ask me all
>> the questions you want.
>>
>> Me: aye
An' bonnie Erchie Plutainie came a'marchin' o'er the hills a-co'ered in heather,
pas' the wee loch, an' up tae the toune fur a wee dram wi' the laird.
>THE END!
>
>Bravo! Bravo! Such pacing! You gave this wacky "Archimedes Plutonium"
>character just the right amount of character dialogue! If he had said
>more than four words, he would have been really annoying, but you got it
>just right!
>
>Oh, wait, there's another reel.
Show the movie screen with a diagram of a plutonium atom. "INTERMISSION" is
printed across the screen in a RADIK00L TEKN0 F0NT that you can tell is so
K00L it must be computer-generated. Music:
Heee's ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!
GOOD OL' ARCHIE!
daadaaaddaaaa......
Heee's ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!
REE-EL SMART-IE!
daadaadaaadaadadaaaaaa....
Heee's ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!
NOT POLONIUM!
da-DA!
>Just for that I'm going to stop giving you free T-shirts with my
>glow-in-the-dark picture.
Glows in the dark! Send in ten proofs-of-purchase from BAC0n PUFfZZ(TM) cereal
and $2.95 to get a FREE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK KIBO T-SHIRT! No more bothering with
klunky flashlights to "read" your mom's victoria's secrets catalogues under
the covers!
>
>> Me: I accept right now. But I have several questions. [Questions
>> concerning mission one deleted until Harvest Project is ended]..... And
>> about this Kibo, should I take any prisoners of Kibo followers? And
>> about the third mission, how can I know that I am the "personae" that
>> term is nebulous?
>
>Archimedes Plutonium admits to being plural, film at 11.
You left a bit out:
Archimedes Plutonium admits to being plural, feminine, and most disgusting of
all NOMINATIVE, film at 11.
>> Next scene shows me leaving the inner chambers for my Washington DC
>> office overlooking the river and the cherry trees with the Washington
Haw haw, MONICA LEWINSKY's "cherry trees", if you know what Rush means, and he
thinks you do! Haw haw!
>> Me: Pamela, we got a nice stay at home mission this time and it will
>> take over a year, simply computer work.
NEWSFLASH: SO-CALLED "GENIUS" ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM SAYS "WE GOT", NOT "WE HAVE
GOT". SUSPECTED OF BEING BOZO OR SOMETHING. OPERA AT 2 AM, BECAUSE OPERA IS
LAME AND NO ONE WATCHES IT EXCEPT BOZOS WHO WATCH EVERYTHING AND JERKY
INTELLECTUALS WHO ARE TOO SMART TO WATCH TV, THEY THINK BOOKS ARE BETTER THAN
TV, WHAT A BUNCH OF LAMERS. NOW KIDS, STAY TUNED FOR "READING IS FUN AND
BETTER THAN TV", WITH ANTON LAVEY.
>> --- here the story is true and not fiction ---
>>
>> By the autumn of 1997, I was deep into the Harvest Project. And here
>> is where the story picks up.
>>
>> --- start of old posts ---
Oooh! The GOOD part!
>Better yet, let's combine ALL the planets of the Solar System into
>one! It would be named Mersuraniapito, and it would have Earth's atmosphere,
>those cool dinosaurs that live on Venus, those wacky canals from Mars,
>the beautiful rings of Saturn, and the cartoon dogs of Pluto.
>And it would be made of yummy candy! And everyone would be happy forever
>and ever, and Archimedes Plutonium would be King Of Mersuraniapito.
>
>I like my movie idea better than yours. Yours is like a Joe Eszterhas movie
>without any swearing and with lots of Usenet headers.
And that little kook whom nobody liked grew up to be... ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!
And now you know the REST of the story!
>> Instead of doing what I ask them to, they will do the opposite
>> and intensify it.
Hey, it's all a plot! Hey guys, he WANTS us to put his name in our .sigs! Now
everyone stop mentioning him altogether, so HE WON'T GET WHAT HE WANTS.
(Tlerll, wearing a leather jacket, slicks his hair back, puffs on a cigarette,
gets into his '57 Chevy with guns in the back, turns on the radio to the
latest hip and groovy Elvis song)
We can't waste our time on some scrawny little science nerd, we gotta get
ready for the RRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLE tonight!
(Drives off with Elvis music playing really loud, and FIVE GIRLS.)
>Sure, use reverse psychology all you want. You *should* use reverse
>pseychology. After all, it always works on TV sitcoms.
Remember: DON'T send me your credit card numbers via email.
And DON'T subscribe to earthlink, a lousy ISP which is just around to
SPAM ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM AND DESTROY SCIENCE, which does not come with
technical support with available friendly advice, most certainly not 24 hours
a day, and DEFINITELY not ONLY $19.95 a month for NON-UNLIMITED ACCESS.
>I'm sorry, but my local theater wasn't showing "PLEASE DON'T MOCK ME!:
>THE MOTION PICTURE". Instead they were just showing some stupid film where
>you were rolling around in your underwear while singing the Periodic Table.
HOT, RADIOACTIVE PLUTONIUM PIX:
http://123.1244.35.34.5.34.5.3.5.64.3.5435.345.34.3245.55/~too-seekrit/illegal/
not-porno/not-hot-orgy-pictures/not-plutonium.not-html
>> That would be the tool to bring the searchenginebombing
>> onto front stage and center.
>>
>> Show me laying the trail that I hate searchenginebombing.
>
>I see, it's like "The Crying Game"! Everyone will be talking about
>the secret: JUST WHAT THE HELL IS "SEARCHENGINEBOMBING"?
ARCHIMEDES SEARCHENGINEBOMBED:
The story of a man who threatend to destroy the radioactivity of the USENET
totality theorum-and did.
With it's immortal query "WHAT IS SEARCHENGINEBOMBING?", ARCHIMEDES SEARCHENG-
INEBOMBED is not only the work of one of the greatest scientists of this
century, but one of it's greatest and most original kooks.
>> Show me and Pamela and the chief of NASA in the inner chambers of
>> Washington DC. Show us drinking champagne and eating truffles and
>> laughing over the classic trap.
PAMELA takes off her clothes and DANCES AROUND NEKKID for HALF AN HOUR for
Archimedes Plutonium because KRAZY SCIENCE IS SEXY.
>> Me: oh was that a beautiful trap, why on 1 March I could just see that
>> goon of Kevin Allegood and other goonclods not knowing which way to
>> turn.
I've figured it out! Archimedes Plutonium, trying to destroy a good Irishman
like Seamus Rib O'Flavin: he must be trying to destroy Ireland!
ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM REVEALED TO BE BEHIND IRISH POTATO FAMINE! RIVERDANCE AT
ELEVEN!
>> Pamela: (pretty tall redhead) giggling, sort of like they were
>> crucified, and could not turn up or down or forwards or backwards, that
>> is the classical trap.
Archie: Have I ever talked about the stars?
Pamela: Go ahead, and I can quote shakespeare!
Archie: Stars make light, they're really bright! Like my genius science brane!
Pamela: Oh Archie!
Archie: My dear, to me you are more beautiful than a rare plutonium isotope
on a summer's night, glistening in the sunset over the ocean!
Pamela: Kiss me, Archie!
[ARCHIE kisses PAMELA. Romantic music. Then later his wacky science companion,
Alexander Abian builds a computer which says that PAMELA is so nice that she
lets Hitler take over the world. So Archie has to push her in front of a truck.]
Bones: My god Archie, do you know what you just did? I could have saved her!
Abian: He knows, doctor, he knows. It was necessary to re-orbit venus to become
a born again pagan and live in bliss and harmony with the mother!
>Oh, come on. People who were crucified could turn and bend if they
>were on a cross made of bendy straws. And it would make fun religious noises,
>too! Poppoppoppop! That would make the Bible fun for everyone, even
>the people being crucified!
IT'S PONCHUS PILATE FOR KIDS! THE FIRST ONE TO CRUCIFY JESUS WINS!
>> Me: yes, and to think that those loons thought that I needed the
>> searchengines at all. Why between January and March1 of 1998 I almost
>> had the Fusion Barrier Law complete and I discovered my Sociology
>> theory that of Math Induction on History Analogy allied with Kant's
>> Categorical Imperative. Obviously the loon-goons never look beyond
>> their front noses
As opposed to their BACK noses!
>> Me: no thanks I like to target practice with that ultra light laser
>> guided 22. I simply do not have the time but will go target practicing.
>> Are you free this weekend?
ULTRA! LIGHT! LASER! GUIDED! 22! NOW YOU CAN KILL PEOPLE JUST LIKE CAPTAIN
DETHROCK!
CAPTAIN DETHROCK: THE POWER OF DETHROCK IS YOURS!
(Show kids with ULTRA! LIGHT! LASER! 22!s holding them up to the sky and
screaming)
KIDS: DETHROCK!!!!!!!!!!
Brought to you by my EVIL PLAN, WHICH THIS TIME WILL NOT BE FOILED BY THAT
CRAZY KID ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM, BECAUSE I HAVE AN EVIL ROBOT WITH AN EASILY
EXPLOITABLE WEAKNESS TO *CRUSH* HIM LIKE A BUG!
--
Laird Tlerll o' alt.os.tlerll. CURSES, ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM'S GENIUS HAS FOILED
Reason, Egoism, Capitalism: http://www.aynrand.org/ MY EVIL PLAN ONCE AGAIN!
-------------------==== Posted via Bozo News ====-----------------------
http://home.earthlink.net/~tlerll/ Read, Post, Troll to Usenet
Keith Little
Bill,
I think there's more Lithium in Uranus ;-)
KL
-------------------
E Plurabus Uranium!
-------------------
Bill Ward wrote:
>
> Archimedes...@dartmouth.edu (Archimedes Plutonium) wrote:
>
> >> Now here is a lovely question to ask about our solar system. What
> >> astro body has the most uranium per volume? Is it Mercury? Or is it
> >> Earth? Or is it one of the Asteroids?
>